Semen-eating monkeys aren't welcome on MetaFilter.

August 19, 2006 4:08 PM

You knew it was coming, and here it is! Is this really what Metafilter is about? Matt almost got run out of town by a howling mob for allowing ads for a popular site with scantily clad women, but videos of monkeys eating their own semen is A-OK and best of the web?
posted by Justinian to Etiquette/Policy at 4:08 PM (74 comments total)

scantily clad women . . . monkeys eating their own semen

I'm cool with exploiting monkeys of both genders, myself.
posted by Ryvar at 4:14 PM on August 19, 2006

Yeah. Terrible post but amusing discussion that followed. It probably would have been, if not fine, but salvageable if brownpau hadn't put the thing in an animated gif and posted it in line.
posted by Hypnic jerk at 4:15 PM on August 19, 2006

It's the Snakes on a Plane of dumb threads. You see?
posted by 31d1 at 4:15 PM on August 19, 2006

Alright, I'll take that down. I was out all day. I'm not even going to watch it though.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 4:18 PM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

Mushroom thread 2. A year from now we'll be donating to an AIDS fund in the name of Kraftmatic.
posted by Krrrlson at 4:18 PM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

This reminds me a lot of Tony Danza's penis.
posted by bob sarabia at 4:19 PM on August 19, 2006

Yeah, I deliberately did not click the link. I skimmed the thread to see what the reaction was. Good thing someone posted a gif of the whole movie. That was unnecessary. So if there is tasteless or NSFW content in a thread, I guess it's okay to just embed it in the thread now?

I guess this is why I don't always get to mefi every day after work anymore.
posted by glycolized at 4:20 PM on August 19, 2006

I hesitated before hitting the submit button because I thought some people might react badly, and with all sincerity I'm sorry if I lowered the MeFi bar of acceptable standards, even for an afternoon. But as Hypnic pointed out, the resulting thread was pretty fun, at least until the animated gif showed up.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 4:21 PM on August 19, 2006

I hesitated before hitting the submit button because I thought some people might react badly

I've been there too, Kraftamatic, and you know what? Go for it anyway.
posted by brownpau at 4:23 PM on August 19, 2006

I thought it was both sickening and amusing. And the resulting thread was gold. I am a bit saddened that it was nipped before ceiling cat appeared in the thread.

Also it was better than another Iraq post.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 4:33 PM on August 19, 2006

The thread was amusing, but does every site have to end like Fark? Isn't there room for different standards? I browse Fark occasionally; ain't nothing wrong with that. But I don't think every site needs to be about amusing/disgusting videos of boobies or people getting kicked in the nads or monkeys eating their own semen.
posted by Justinian at 4:36 PM on August 19, 2006

posted by Krrrlson at 4:38 PM on August 19, 2006

Is it safe now?
posted by TwelveTwo at 4:39 PM on August 19, 2006

But I don't think every site needs to be about amusing/disgusting videos of boobies or people getting kicked in the nads or monkeys eating their own semen.

I don't know which of the Internets you come from, man, but mine is a series of tubes containing nothing BUT the things you've listed.
posted by Ryvar at 4:41 PM on August 19, 2006

This post was deleted for the following reason: people really don't like this.

.
posted by dersins at 4:58 PM on August 19, 2006

Well, its gone. And I did flag it. It was obviously posted in jest, which makes it somewhat OK. But frankly I just find that sort of gross-out for gross-out sake humor rather boring.
posted by delmoi at 5:00 PM on August 19, 2006

Jeez, the video isn't that bad, really.

I'm trying really hard to have a balanced opinion about the deletion of monkey cum-eating from the front page of Metafilter. On one hand, it doesn't strike me as any less silly than X number of other short, nonsensical tidbits (some posted by mathowie, actually) that have been allowed to stay up, which means, I think, that the only reason this one was removed was because of the squick factor inherent in a monkey eating its own cum. But it's not like squickiness hasn't been a regular feature here for a while, and one *could* make the argument for some sort of redeeming social value in spreading the idea that cum-eating is a natural phenomenon among our primate relatives, so I'm not really sure the monkey cum-eating post deserved so much outrage. It's not like MeFi is a site with the Child-Friendly Seal of Approval or anything.

On the other hand, I suppose anything that helps distinguish a Mefi sensibility from a Fark or Something Awful sensibility is a Good Thing for internet diversity, and if deleting the occasional monkey cum-eating post works to make that distinction more clear, I guess I won't object.

*falls off balance beam*
posted by mediareport at 5:04 PM on August 19, 2006

now when people ask when western civilization jumped the shark, only a few will really know and generations of historians will wear out their chisels on clay tablets in vain

matt, what about your DUTY to HISTORY??
posted by pyramid termite at 5:05 PM on August 19, 2006

termite, that wasn't a shark the monkey was jumping...

(how would I know, I didn't click the link AND I NEVER WILL)

I'm so happy to see how far we've progressed since I INADVERTANTLY introduced MeFi to "t*bg*rl". At least, that transgression was forgotten (until I brought it up right now).
posted by wendell at 5:22 PM on August 19, 2006

I INADVERTANTLY introduced MeFi to "t*bg*rl"

Uh, no.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:48 PM on August 19, 2006

what's really good is if you mix a little tubgirl with some goatse and stir in a little jumped shark and jerked monkey it makes a delicious and hearty stew
posted by loquacious at 5:48 PM on August 19, 2006

Before I watched it, I was thinking it should win the $30, but it was really a lot less impressive than I expected.
posted by Chuckles at 5:50 PM on August 19, 2006

Typical weekend crowd reaction. The weekday crowd would have loved it.
posted by mischief at 5:52 PM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

loquacious -

what's really good is if you mix a little tubgirl with some goatse and stir in a little jumped shark and jerked monkey it makes a debilitating and heartstopping spew

fixed that for you ...
posted by pyramid termite at 5:52 PM on August 19, 2006

Is the animated GIF everyone is yammering about?


posted by nlindstrom at 6:24 PM on August 19, 2006

I warned you people about this crap months ago.

It's a better, cleaner world when we're all uptight.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:32 PM on August 19, 2006

That isn't animated at all. I suspect the frog may be dead.
posted by cortex at 6:32 PM on August 19, 2006

Autopsy of the frog pointed to semen overingestion as likely cause of death.
posted by Krrrlson at 6:40 PM on August 19, 2006

You know goddamn good and well an autopsy isn't how you know what killed that frog, Krrrlson.
posted by nanojath at 6:44 PM on August 19, 2006

I don't know if it makes it any "better" or not, but the video was from the BBC Motion Gallery. Link to the metadata page.
posted by jeversol at 6:55 PM on August 19, 2006

....
posted by delmoi at 6:56 PM on August 19, 2006

Felchfilter.
posted by Devils Slide at 7:03 PM on August 19, 2006

Contest or no, this was one of the worst days of posts the site has ever seen. Uggggh.

(I know, I made a potty post, but it just seemed to fit in.)
posted by caddis at 7:10 PM on August 19, 2006

I absolutely loved the resultant thread. The link? Didn't bother with it, don't want to see it. And were it not for the bandwidth error message, I'd be offering a hearty ol' fuck-you to who ever posted the GIF. Don't be a cock: give people a choice.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:11 PM on August 19, 2006

I can't believe there wasn't a single Brain Candy reference. This is how it's all going to end in tears, folks.
posted by WolfDaddy at 7:15 PM on August 19, 2006

Nostradamus Filter: Indeed you did, BB, and I believe I foresaw the thread in question on the previous day.
posted by rob511 at 7:26 PM on August 19, 2006

what's really good is if you mix a little tubgirl with some goatse and stir in a little jumped shark and jerked monkey it makes a delicious and hearty...

...sauce.
posted by quonsar at 7:38 PM on August 19, 2006

Fark.
posted by LarryC at 7:48 PM on August 19, 2006

posted by brownpau at 7:49 PM on August 19, 2006 [16 favorites]

metafilter will be right back after these dancing kittens...


posted by quonsar at 8:00 PM on August 19, 2006

posted by bob sarabia at 8:08 PM on August 19, 2006

Contest or no, this was one of the worst days of posts the site has ever seen.

I like to think that August at Metafilter will end the way a good horror-thriller does—with what started as a bright and sunny set of possibilities crashing down below any depth forseeable, the protagonists and the antagonists ultimately married together in a swirling, agonizing psychological hell.

[Mefi webcomic]

I <3 brownpau
posted by cortex at 8:39 PM on August 19, 2006

The spooge-eating monkey came from the fucking BBC? That's brilliant. The more I think about it, the less I like this callout and this deletion.
posted by mediareport at 8:42 PM on August 19, 2006

Oh for Pete's sake. Like a spooge eating monkey is worse than tub girl or goatse? Give me a freakin' break. It's not like wild animals are supposed to have our weird unnatural laws of social etiquette.

"people really don't like this."

Guess I'm not a people then. Nor would I want to be. I'd rather see dancing kittens censored than spooge eating monkeys. I thought it was funny, and the kinda thing everything from Wild Kingdom to Crocodile Hunter would never have had to balls to show. We like to think we're above animals, but we are animals. Granted we have this weird unnatural tendency to avoid eating our own spooge and we wear clothing around one another and bathe regularly and we regularly shave and if we don't have sex inside a bedroom we think we're being kinky. We frown on nudists and make fun of them, but most other animals have none of the limits we've placed upon ourselves. We're the unnatural ones. That spooge eating monkey is less stressed out and fucked in the head than any of us, and you know it.
posted by ZachsMind at 9:02 PM on August 19, 2006 [1 favorite]

They even were kind enough to place it in the disgusting category. :)
posted by jeversol at 9:04 PM on August 19, 2006

I blame Karl Rove, and his assault on everything that assaults our sences.
posted by Balisong at 9:09 PM on August 19, 2006

Like a spooge eating monkey

That hyphen sure does make a difference.
posted by mediareport at 9:31 PM on August 19, 2006

What's troubling to me is that, before today, "spooge eating monkeys" was not a category I had warehoused in the vast, end-of-Indiana Jones-movie storeroom of useless crap which is my mind. Now, it is. Yikes.
posted by everichon at 9:44 PM on August 19, 2006

What's amazing is how little "democracy in action" has to do with the direction of the site. For example, two days ago, the post about the Foreign Service language files gets over 100 users flagging it as favorite in a single day. That has to be a record, or damn near one. But it's not even a runner up for best post of the day. Bizarre.
posted by jonson at 9:49 PM on August 19, 2006

On the other hand, the cum eating monkey was a good excuse to abuse xanax.
posted by smackwich at 9:51 PM on August 19, 2006

I for one loved that post. I didn't click on the link, but I thought FPP itself had a charming, "Snakes on a Plane" sort of purity, and I'm sad that it's gone.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 10:16 PM on August 19, 2006

That spooge eating monkey is less stressed out and fucked in the head than any of us, and you know it.

Amen! Like some humans don't eat their or another persons "ejaculate." No wait . . . we're not really interested in admitting that, are we?

people really don't like this.

Sure, sure. No one at Metafilter EVER does anything remotely similar to the little monkey in the video. Not us. No WAY!
posted by johnj at 10:17 PM on August 19, 2006

I thought the 15 second monkey-fucking video was pretty "eh" myself, but mathowie's right people really did seem to hate it.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:20 PM on August 19, 2006

Love it or hate it, at least it was passionate.

I can't wait to read what UU or Lenin has to say about it.
posted by Balisong at 10:28 PM on August 19, 2006

Jesus. I'm never buying a sandwich from a monkey again. Come to think of it, the last monkey-made sandwich tasted a little off.
posted by Sailor Martin at 10:39 PM on August 19, 2006

Matt almost got run out of town by a howling mob for allowing ads for a popular site with scantily clad women offering prostitutes for hire

good times
posted by mlis at 10:49 PM on August 19, 2006

Remember that comment with a link to a pic of a guy cutting off the head of his penis? If only I had a time machine...

DON'T CLICK THE LINK!
posted by c:\awesome at 10:56 PM on August 19, 2006

I'm really surprised that no one has mentioned this askmetafilter question: Do straight guys ever eat their own come after masturbating? Come on people, keep up.
posted by bob sarabia at 11:15 PM on August 19, 2006

but mathowie's right people really did seem to hate it.

Proof that dios controls Matt!
posted by Kwantsar at 12:24 AM on August 20, 2006

Something not being all that offensive frankly isn't reason enough to post it to the front page.
posted by nthdegx at 2:46 AM on August 20, 2006

I can't wait to read what UU or Lenin has to say about it.

Tell me what you think of Chomsky.
posted by loquacious at 3:53 AM on August 20, 2006

Something not being all that offensive frankly isn't reason enough to post it to the front page.

Just thought that deserved repeating.
posted by languagehat at 6:50 AM on August 20, 2006

Oh bob sarabia, I think I love you a little bit.

Or I'm just using you to get to that jaunty windmill cat. Sassy!


That said, I was a little surprised and dare I say somewhat disconcerted to see the Mr. Hands (I've only known it as 'Death By Horsecock') video linked to.
The identity of the linker was no surprise at all, however.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:00 AM on August 20, 2006

Is this really what Metafilter is about?

What IS MetaFilter really about? No one ever seems to know, until something comes along that definitely ISN'T it.
posted by scarabic at 9:51 AM on August 20, 2006

I thought MeFi was all about the bling and the hos.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:19 AM on August 20, 2006

Meh, I didn't really care about that post until someone decided to be a dickhead and post the thing inline in the thread.

I have a feeling that if only that bit had been deleted someone else would have come around to do the same thing ad nauseam.
posted by clevershark at 10:40 AM on August 20, 2006

Given a computer and infinite time, a semen-eating monkey would recreate every post and comment on MetaFilter. It logically follows that we are all semen-eating monkeys. Just think about that.
posted by brain_drain at 11:09 AM on August 20, 2006

So far, what do we know Metafilter is not about? We'll cross those off the list of all possibilities and come to a sound and reasoned conclusion!
posted by TwelveTwo at 1:16 PM on August 20, 2006

So far, what do we know Metafilter is not about?

Dun duh-duh DUN! Refi to the rescue!
posted by cortex at 2:45 PM on August 20, 2006

I am just glad that I have learned over the past few years that I cannot un-see something once seen. So I did not click the link, and I am satisfied.

Ewwww.
posted by bigbigdog at 8:53 PM on August 20, 2006

cortex, you're a go getter. I like that!
posted by TwelveTwo at 9:56 PM on August 20, 2006

"Something not being all that offensive frankly isn't reason enough to post it to the front page.

Just thought that deserved repeating."

And thirding.

People's logic in this thread is perplexing. If the post was all about the squick factor, then what makes it different than goatse or tubgirl? If the post was not all about the squick factor, then what exactly were its merits? That it was a video of a monkey?

It was nothing special. It didn't deserve to be posted, regardless of squick. But, given that it didn't deserve to be posted, the squick is then egregious. It offends people with very little intrinsic merit.

And, incidentally, as far as I'm concerned, "merit" in the context of MeFi posts does not include "educating the community about things they ought to know". Just in case you think that "monkeys eat their own spooge" is something we ought to know.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 11:54 PM on August 20, 2006

I enjoy going, and I enjoy getting.
posted by cortex at 6:12 AM on August 21, 2006

fandango_matt: where's this promised animated gif for pussies to cry about?
posted by redteam at 10:51 PM on August 21, 2006