Introducing the Faves & Flags roleplaying system April 1, 2017 1:30 PM   Subscribe

We've received a large volume of user complaints in the last few months about performance issues with our current version of reality, and so today we're rolling out some fantasy instead to see if that can help take the strain off. Please help us beta test this new initiative with the Faves & Flags Character Sheet Generator. Want more detail? Check out what little remains of the original game manual (or a more legible and screen-reader friendly OCR version here).

How to use the character generator

It's easy!

1. Load up the character creator at this page.
2. Unhappy with the generated character? Just reroll for a new one!
3. Once you like your new character, hit "save" and it'll be associated with your account. (Sorry, lurkers, this bit is only available to logged-in MetaFilter users.)

Once you've saved a character, you may notice a change in your byline in this thread, too!


About Faves & Flags

A true rarity in the RPG world, the Faves & Flags roleplaying system was seemingly doomed from the start. After a scrappy and just-barely-successful fundraising campaign (and this was, keep in mind, back in the very old days, before Kickstarter had been invented), the system's first rulebook was given a small print run. But, then, tragedy: every copy of that initial printing was subsequently destroyed in a warehouse factory fire started by a poorly-contained flamewar. (Rumor has it that the issue at stake was whether Sonic the Hedgehog was existentially compelled, or merely dispositionally inclined, to go fast; whatever the cause, the sparks flew with disastrous results.)

Heartbroken and also just literally broke, the system's creator abandoned the project, and F&F was consigned to role-playing community lore, just another vaporous "what if" whispered about during lulls in gaming sessions.

Until now! Thanks to a fortuitous garage sale discovery, I've come into ownership of what may be the only remaining copy of the immolated F&F first edition. Or, rather, the only remaining fragments of it; the artifact I found, nestled in a cardboard box between old copies of National Geographic and a couple volumes of something called an "encyclopedia", is not so much a book as it is the charred remnants of one, and there's not that many remnants to speak of in among the piles of ash. But it's something!

And so I and the rest of the mod team have spent the last several months dutifully reconstructing from burnt scraps and careful forensic research as many pieces of the original game system as possible. Today we're excited to share with you the results: a character generator process for what is, as far as we can tell, more or less the Faves & Flags roleplaying system, and (what very little remains of) the original Faves & Flags player's manual.

And if you'd like a little something else to do, why not join in on a Faves & Flags coloring contest? Grab your crayons, watercolors, photoshop, etc. and elaborate on the F&F manuals cover image of the dread Old Mod of Creation, M'thowii.
posted by cortex (staff) to MetaFilter-Related at 1:30 PM (585 comments total) 108 users marked this as a favorite

Really happy that we managed to get this whole thing together.
posted by frimble (the hootenannyer) at 1:32 PM on April 1, 2017 [20 favorites]


We could never have done it without your sock of dog-walking, frimble the hoarse.
posted by cortex at 1:34 PM on April 1, 2017 [18 favorites]


my nam is brows
i am shepherd
i follow sheep
and use my werds

adventuring
has turned my hed
i go to gray
i click on thred
posted by Eyebrows McGee (the law-mender) at 1:35 PM on April 1, 2017 [58 favorites]


Oh, and if you want to see someone's character sheet, just click on their title after their username. Or you could link directly to a sheet with with this URL, modified to a given userid:

http://www.metafilter.com/character-sheet/?user=7418
posted by cortex at 1:36 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


This is great! My affectionate woodpecker and I thank you.
posted by leesh (the brash) at 1:36 PM on April 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


My sole companion: a splendiferous cobra!!!!
posted by Secretariat (the magnificent) at 1:37 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


rtha the hammer
Class: Sailor
Inventory:
+4 gown of bannination
notorious keyboard

YES!
posted by rtha at 1:38 PM on April 1, 2017 [6 favorites]


I am glorious and my partner informs me that gas is a spell of mine! Trooly this game is wyse.
posted by billiebee (the glorious) at 1:39 PM on April 1, 2017 [12 favorites]


FEAR MY DAD JOKES.
posted by taz (the little impaler) at 1:41 PM on April 1, 2017 [8 favorites]


Seems about right, yeah.
posted by ODiV (the luxurious) at 1:42 PM on April 1, 2017


Skill in Linear A! I loooove ancient writing so this is making the happiest!
posted by Mouse Army (the roundhead) at 1:43 PM on April 1, 2017


My gosh how many are there?
posted by zachlipton (the be-shitten) at 1:43 PM on April 1, 2017


My inventory includes the frisky trousers of chastity, which I think used to belong to Mike Pence maybe?
posted by Phire (the precocious) at 1:45 PM on April 1, 2017 [12 favorites]


Yes! I can be a librarian who is skilled at long-term silencing.
posted by sibilatorix (the fickle) at 1:46 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


yep. yep yep yep.
posted by KTamas (the precious) at 1:46 PM on April 1, 2017


I like my title,
That, and the relatively charming low-key approach means you win tedious internet prank day again.
posted by Just this guy, y'know (the god-like one) at 1:46 PM on April 1, 2017 [9 favorites]


I travel with my diligent owl.
posted by gingerbeer (the greymantle) at 1:46 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I believe the character generator is confused. The other Jacqueline is a Mason.
posted by jacquilynne (the hoarse) at 1:47 PM on April 1, 2017


cool
posted by likeatoaster (the sailor king) at 1:48 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


mochapickle the book-lover has a 9 in verbosity and a 4 in velocity.

That's weirdly and sadly and yet exactly right.
posted by mochapickle (the book-lover) at 1:48 PM on April 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


Well, me and my worrying trained llama companion are very satisfied.
posted by ChuraChura (the sifaka lemur) at 1:48 PM on April 1, 2017 [8 favorites]


So will the next podcast be a recording of an F&F session?
posted by Kattullus (the truly fully licensed hairstylist) at 1:51 PM on April 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


Wow.
posted by desuetude (the hunter) at 1:51 PM on April 1, 2017


Sweet, I've got "Joke Cone" spell and "Dad Jokes" skill!
posted by Greg_Ace (the unavoidable) at 1:52 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


HOLD THE PHONE - I have a happy screwdriver?!? Magnificent!
posted by jazon (the magnificent) at 1:52 PM on April 1, 2017


I put on my robe and exoskeleton.
posted by zamboni (the boneless) at 1:53 PM on April 1, 2017 [17 favorites]


So will the next podcast be a recording of a F&F session?

Well, if folks are so inclined we could just do one in MetaTalk! I realize there's a solid four pages of unburnt manual to plow through, but if people skim a bit...
posted by cortex at 1:53 PM on April 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


I do sort of wish I'd stuck with "Greg_Ace the bald", though...
posted by Greg_Ace (the unavoidable) at 1:53 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Jonmc the impaler? Nice.

[and I need the chuckles. As some of you might have heard there was an underground explosion outside the store I work at yesterday. Nobody was hurt thank goodness, but there was plenty of damage and I spent the morning shoveling broken glass and plaster and other recovery work. Now my body is sore as hell. So being an impaler with a delightful beret and expertise in non ukulele music could be the highlight of my day. Thanx]
posted by jonmc at 1:54 PM on April 1, 2017 [10 favorites]


(If you get tired of your first character, you can re-set to try again -- just be aware you can't go back to the first one.)
posted by LobsterMitten (the sailor king) at 1:55 PM on April 1, 2017


I really do make good coffee.
posted by valkane (the god-like one) at 1:55 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


My skills are mathematics and flamenco.
posted by kimberussell (the luxurious) at 1:56 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


Hmmm.
posted by pjern (the silent) at 1:56 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I don't think I'm ever going to get tired of being be-shitten.
posted by zachlipton (the be-shitten) at 1:56 PM on April 1, 2017 [11 favorites]


Now to select the appropriate head wear to match my 'gi of discourse'...
posted by jazon (the magnificent) at 1:56 PM on April 1, 2017


I do sort of wish I'd stuck with "Greg_Ace the bald", though...

Then my special enchantments would be useless on you!
posted by Kattullus (the truly fully licensed hairstylist) at 1:57 PM on April 1, 2017 [20 favorites]


I have nothing witty to say, but this is great!
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious (the troubadour) at 1:58 PM on April 1, 2017


I always wanted a fez.
posted by languagehat (the bare-legged) at 1:58 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


Hey, how'd you know about my trolling sockpuppet?
posted by michaelh (the accursed) at 1:58 PM on April 1, 2017


This is beautiful. I will henceforth call my hoodie the Singular Hoodie of Banning.
posted by skycrashesdown (the rewritten) at 1:58 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


But I wish that goddam loon would go away.
posted by languagehat (the bare-legged) at 1:59 PM on April 1, 2017


languagehat, your skills are awesome!
posted by rtha at 2:00 PM on April 1, 2017


I have nothing witty to say
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious (the troubadour)

I'm sorry, you must make your comment in the form of a lyric poem.
posted by Greg_Ace (the unavoidable) at 2:00 PM on April 1, 2017 [8 favorites]


My first roll might as well have been Alexander Hamilton aside from the fact I don't think his weakness was bats.
posted by halcyonday (the independentist) at 2:00 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


Also, I had to look up "prestidigitation", but I am happy to have a latte of prestidigitation at my disposal. I am sure that could come in handy during a prestidigitation emergency, and if not, I would still have a latte.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious (the troubadour) at 2:01 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


My skills really do include whistling, mathematics, and fitted sheet folding! So maybe mindreading is also accurate...?
posted by zeptoweasel at 2:01 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Well, that seems appropriate.
posted by fluffy battle kitten (the priest-hater) at 2:01 PM on April 1, 2017


I bet that Signal Migs spell is going to come in handy, languagehat.
posted by Secretariat (the magnificent) at 2:01 PM on April 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


Posting mostly because I already forgot what my character title is and I can't find my sheet because I rolled like a 3 in versmartity.
posted by Metroid Baby (the devil) at 2:02 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I knew you would say that.
posted by zeptoweasel at 2:02 PM on April 1, 2017


Hey, it worked!
posted by zeptoweasel at 2:02 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


fitted sheet folding

I can't find that in the player's guide. What school of magic is it?
posted by ODiV (the luxurious) at 2:03 PM on April 1, 2017


I look awesome in my dystopian tuxedo.
posted by jeather (the disinherited) at 2:03 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


fitted sheet folding
I can't find that in the player's guide. What school of magic is it?

The Linen Arts.
posted by Greg_Ace (the unavoidable) at 2:05 PM on April 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


One of my top stills being "misspelling" hits a bit too close to home!
posted by Captain_Science (the hairy) at 2:05 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


YOUR goat is dead and YOUR goat is dead and YOUR goat is dead and EVERYBODY'S goat is dead!
posted by Eyebrows McGee (the law-mender) at 2:06 PM on April 1, 2017 [11 favorites]


just posting to say this is great. and checking out my title. thanks cortex!
posted by arrjay (the roundhead) at 2:07 PM on April 1, 2017


Well this couldn't be more appropriate
posted by Lesium (the book-lover) at 2:09 PM on April 1, 2017


Got a Florescent Foam Finger! That'll make some cute NPC elf happy...
posted by sammyo (the god-like one) at 2:09 PM on April 1, 2017


It's slobberin' time!
posted by aubilenon (the slobberer) at 2:10 PM on April 1, 2017 [9 favorites]


Note that if you haven't put points into Linen Arts but you do have at least one level in Cowboy Homemaker, you could also cast Wrangle Textile as long as you succeed at a Voracity check.
posted by cortex at 2:10 PM on April 1, 2017 [6 favorites]


It was so sad when my misguided phlebotany experiments ended up destroying half the town. Since they drove me out I've been wandering the roads with my vain ibis, entertaining tavern patrons by night and doing weird things to plants by day. Someday I'll find my way back to my castle in the sky...

So when is the PDX in-person game happening?
posted by Gaz Errant (the new-day) at 2:10 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


Fear my mad pearlclutching skills and curdled calipers of abdominal fortitude!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide (the prudent) at 2:11 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


*summons Migs*
posted by languagehat (the bare-legged) at 2:11 PM on April 1, 2017 [7 favorites]


I am a bee-keeping EDITOR!
And I've always wanted a shareable t-shirt!
posted by bookmammal (the queen of bees) at 2:12 PM on April 1, 2017


Thanks for making this day fun instead of horrible!
posted by OverlappingElvis (the silent) at 2:13 PM on April 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


I am so sorry: I cheated. And I roll 20s.
posted by ambrosen (the unique) at 2:13 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


One day, I am gonna boop the mysterious crow in its nose. Yes. Yes, I am.
posted by rewil (the hopeful) at 2:14 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Imma dork.
posted by Samizdata (the etherial) at 2:17 PM on April 1, 2017


Such stats. Very me.
posted by French Fry (the desired) at 2:17 PM on April 1, 2017


Thankfully, I got to reset my skills and atone for my hacking. What's more, the character sheet knew me better than I knew myself: a synaesthetic mumbling flashlight-seeker.
posted by ambrosen (the unique) at 2:17 PM on April 1, 2017


Imma dork.

There's a whole enclave of Half-dorks living in the hills outside of Blueberg. Nice folks, run a tax-prep company on the side.
posted by cortex at 2:17 PM on April 1, 2017 [6 favorites]


Any chicken-related problems, anybody?
posted by Samizdata (the etherial) at 2:18 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Glorious
posted by zippy (the boneless) at 2:18 PM on April 1, 2017


This is great!
posted by bleep (the ill-tempered) at 2:18 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Skills
grammar policing
punditry
echolocation

Guys, if you want me to be a moderator, this is an awfully elaborate way of asking me.
posted by desuetude (the hunter) at 2:19 PM on April 1, 2017 [11 favorites]


Wowzers! How did you know so much about me? You folks must be majick!
posted by angiep (the caulker) at 2:20 PM on April 1, 2017


I always wanted to be a mage. Thanks!
posted by yhbc (the tax-king) at 2:20 PM on April 1, 2017


OMG do I have to post here to get my special tag? (I've been avoiding the Internet all day and totally forgot that the Metafilter April fool's are generally great.)
posted by ClarissaWAM (the purple-born) at 2:22 PM on April 1, 2017


I don't know what to cast first, Welter of Lava or Butts Lol.
posted by zompist (the maiden) at 2:22 PM on April 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


Any chicken-related problems, anybody?

Well, I'm noting a distinct lack of tasty piping-hot Buffalo wings at my house...
posted by Greg_Ace (the unavoidable) at 2:23 PM on April 1, 2017


Can't wait for this to be released as a submodule of Offices and Bosses
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit (the unready) at 2:24 PM on April 1, 2017


I love this, thank you Mods, it must have taken quite some effort.
posted by featherboa (the tremulous) at 2:25 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


They're terrified of impoliteness.
That's on point. Thanks for this little distraction!
posted by invokeuse (the memorable) at 2:25 PM on April 1, 2017


I am a logomancer, which is also true in real life, sort of. And I have a silver dildo in my inventory, which is... not true in real life as yet. But online shopping is a thing.
posted by Too-Ticky (the chansonnier) at 2:26 PM on April 1, 2017


Scream for me, Long Beach!!!
posted by Wolfdog (the bruce) at 2:26 PM on April 1, 2017 [6 favorites]


I don't think I really have anything to say about this.
posted by dilettante (the silent) at 2:27 PM on April 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


*proclaims self King of the North*
posted by oulipian (the orthography typhoon) at 2:28 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


My inventory contains an "appalling stick of cheesemongery" but no tea. These are dark times.
posted by Wordshore at 2:28 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I wear my mantle of irritation so, so proudly. Nice work.
posted by charmedimsure (the she-wolf) at 2:28 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


only one error in the description: "raised by wolves" should be 'raised by W.A.S.P.s" And I think my high Vitality score came from plugging directly into my newly-installed pacemaker. But the skills in "performance art, woolgathering, and cataloguing" are damn near perfect.
posted by oneswellfoop (the magnificent) at 2:29 PM on April 1, 2017


Kryptonian rod of pointiness? Surely that's an OCR error, because I'm pretty sure it's pointlessness As for my other attributes ....

*I put on my vexillological singlet*
posted by dhartung (the soldier-king) at 2:30 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


This correctly informs me that one of my skills is knot tying so this all must be real. Right?
posted by jabo (the magnificent) at 2:30 PM on April 1, 2017


I'm not exactly sure what a Saturnine Shalwar Kameez is, but I kind of want one.
posted by TheWhiteSkull (the aetheling) at 2:30 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Nailed it.
posted by Fizz (the stern counsellor) at 2:32 PM on April 1, 2017


I am in fact not good at bookkeeping at all. Au contraire: I have given over six thousand of them away.
I guess that's what a veracity of 3 means.
posted by Too-Ticky (the chansonnier) at 2:34 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


Awesome, a seismic pair of lederhosen will go perfectly with my apron of hedonism!
posted by Bunny Boneyology (the brash) at 2:35 PM on April 1, 2017


i just liked my epithet
posted by dismas (the precious) at 2:36 PM on April 1, 2017


THE DOG STORM COMETH
posted by Sheydem-tants (the farmer) at 2:37 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


Finally, I can chicken-whisper!
posted by lesbiassparrow (the minus-a-quarter) at 2:40 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Trenchant pants, Sheydem-tants!
posted by languagehat (the bare-legged) at 2:42 PM on April 1, 2017


Is this RPG something you need to have actually paid attention to the interests and hobbies of all of your closest friends to understand?

The variations I've seen, though, are absolutely delightful. This might be the game that finally convinces me to try RPGs.
posted by eotvos (the well-beloved) at 2:43 PM on April 1, 2017


I need an indie rock lullaby spell
posted by peeedro (the lion) at 2:44 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


Yes, yes I am.
posted by chavenet at 2:45 PM on April 1, 2017


Reroll. Reroll. Yeah, going with this.
posted by Songdog (the memorable) at 2:46 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I cast Argument Foam on you all!
posted by Daily Alice (the rewritten) at 2:46 PM on April 1, 2017


I own the Sandwich of Caring. Rich I am, indeed.
posted by COD (the lion) at 2:48 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


This is just to say

I have stolen
the plums
that were in
the Icebox

with my glaive
of plum-stealing
they were
my birthright


I have avenged
my father the king
and you will
probably need a new icebox
posted by TheWhiteSkull (the aetheling) at 2:48 PM on April 1, 2017 [30 favorites]


Does the Cat Vision spell allow me to see like a cat, to see cats, or to see cats that aren't necessarily there?
posted by mogget at 2:48 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


I have a gown of lobsters. This is fantastic. I cast Tornado of Poison.
posted by The Great Big Mulp (the truly fully licensed hairstylist) at 2:49 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


My bathrobe is getting kind of ratty.
posted by Songdog (the memorable) at 2:49 PM on April 1, 2017


"...facing down a dire manifestation of M'thowii, the dread Old Mod of Creation."

This has finally convinced me to try the adult colouring book craze.
posted by cynical pinnacle (the first-crowned) at 2:49 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


So happy with my character
posted by motdiem2 (the bilingual) at 2:50 PM on April 1, 2017


I am a king.
posted by DynamiteToast (the greyfell) at 2:51 PM on April 1, 2017


I have a skill for deconstruction and can cast Field of Cat.
This... is surprisingly accurate?
posted by Adridne (the spirited) at 2:52 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


I don't know if I'm happier about my astonishing carbuncle or my distracting broom of moxie!
posted by tinymojo (the first-crowned) at 2:52 PM on April 1, 2017


I've always wanted a way to streamline RPGs and get right to the good stuff: the ridiculous puns
posted by The Pluto Gangsta (the ceremonious) at 2:52 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Does the Cat Vision spell allow me to see like a cat, to see cats, or to see cats that aren't necessarily there?

According to a mostly-ash piece of paper I've got in my "spell info" pile, cat spell effects are "...at the caster's discretion, though the cats may not cooperate".
posted by cortex at 2:53 PM on April 1, 2017 [6 favorites]


Does the catherding skill help with that?
posted by frimble (the hootenannyer) at 2:54 PM on April 1, 2017


Skills:

mathematics
faving
cat-whispering
glaring

That'll do.
posted by quaking fajita (the caulker) at 2:54 PM on April 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


Also, I'm finally a licensed hairstylist.
posted by The Great Big Mulp (the truly fully licensed hairstylist) at 2:57 PM on April 1, 2017 [7 favorites]


Hippybear, I think the problem is that too few people have music (non-ukelele) as a trained skill. Without it, you're just going to get the same effects as if you cast Wall Of Noise.
posted by frimble (the hootenannyer) at 2:57 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Truly Fully Licensed Hairstylist
posted by peeedro (the lion) at 2:58 PM on April 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


Wow. This comes at a period in my life where, thanks to The Adventure Zone, I am kind of getting back into D&D. This is the coolest, silliest, best thing. Thanks, everyone.
posted by Night_owl (the boneless) at 2:59 PM on April 1, 2017


Bloody brilliant this is.
posted by deezil at 3:00 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


This has finally convinced me to try the adult colouring book craze.

Yeah! Don't miss out on the coloring contest! There's no prizes or judges!
posted by cortex at 3:01 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


This has made me extremely happy.
posted by Ipsifendus (the implausible) at 3:02 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


peeedro: Aha! I remember that now! If only I had protein shoes.
posted by The Great Big Mulp (the truly fully licensed hairstylist) at 3:03 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I can attest to the fact that Songdog the memorable does in fact make a perfect cup of coffee.
posted by languagehat (the bare-legged) at 3:08 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


posted by oulipian (the orthography typhoon)

I love that this makes reference to last year's thread.
posted by cynical pinnacle (the first-crowned) at 3:08 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


it me
posted by notquitemaryann (the theologian) at 3:09 PM on April 1, 2017


Hippybear--I respectfully request tiny banjos for my kingdom of bees.
posted by bookmammal (the queen of bees) at 3:12 PM on April 1, 2017


A fragrant herd of duck-sized horses! AT LAST!
posted by corb (the redemptress) at 3:12 PM on April 1, 2017 [7 favorites]


It took a lot of rerolling, but I'm finally ready to Take A Moment and Embiggen that banjo.
posted by frimble (the hootenannyer) at 3:13 PM on April 1, 2017


My Veracity is matched only by my Verbosity. Which anyone could have told you.
posted by GenjiandProust (the seer) at 3:13 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I usually hate the internet on this day of make-believe. But here in mefi-land i believe again.
posted by cgg (the effervescent) at 3:14 PM on April 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


Look, I will just Dispense Banjos to everyone until they f'n learn to play. They'll get desperate as they run out of storage space, and will comply.

Note to those in the still-chilly areas of the country: burning banjos give off a lot of warmth.
posted by Greg_Ace (the unavoidable) at 3:16 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Are the character pages going to remain up?
posted by zompist (the maiden) at 3:16 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Don't miss out on the coloring contest! There's no prizes or judges!

So then...not a contest. Does that mean wagering is allowed?
posted by Greg_Ace (the unavoidable) at 3:18 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Yo
posted by figurant (the affable) at 3:18 PM on April 1, 2017


Plus you will all be super-amazed at my unparalleled skill at hyperbole!

I also pretty pleased at being "the seer." If it was a little warmer, I would break out my seersucker suit.

Since my class is "moderator," can I swing the banhammer around a couple of time just to get the feel of it? Aw, come on, cortex! I promise I won't demolish anything... much.
posted by GenjiandProust (the seer) at 3:19 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I'm very proud that my Hamilton quoting ability is now Metafilter canon.
posted by Joey Michaels (the artist-king) at 3:21 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


This is beautiful. Looking forward to casting my full roster of spells:
Out Of Evens
Arrows Of Joke
What The Fuck Matt
This Tastes Awful -- Here, You Try
posted by wintersweet (of the nine hostages) at 3:23 PM on April 1, 2017 [10 favorites]


Are the character pages going to remain up?

Yes. For one thing, this thread wouldn't make much sense if they evaporated tomorrow like so much faerie-dust in the sunlight. While that would be in keeping with the legacy of F&F, it wouldn't be very much fun.
posted by frimble (the hootenannyer) at 3:25 PM on April 1, 2017 [8 favorites]


A++++ would re-roll!
posted by emelenjr (the be-shitten) at 3:26 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


I cast Tempest of Hug on all of you!
posted by IndigoRain (the bilingual) at 3:27 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Dang, I could really use a "minimalist wrench of mettle" at work.

I think.
posted by wenestvedt (the unfortunate) at 3:27 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Interesting...

Also, my character is a farmer. It is the first truly beautiful day of spring here in Minnesota and I spent it building frames for my expanding garden. And chickens...in one year.
posted by Elly Vortex (the peculiar) at 3:28 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I have come to save us all
posted by Zosia Blue (the oath-taker) at 3:29 PM on April 1, 2017


A +5 irradiated spork: just what I always wanted! Thanks, Metafilter!
posted by ferret branca (the wicked) at 3:30 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]

SPELLS
Ray Of Schmoopy
Finally.
posted by gwint (the bluetooth) at 3:31 PM on April 1, 2017 [7 favorites]


I was re-rolling, enjoying the immense creativity, until I got this one and had to stop.

No force in the 'verse will part me from my furtive barracuda and frisky broadsword of cake baking!
posted by monopas (the tough) at 3:31 PM on April 1, 2017 [6 favorites]


"...they hope to return home forgiven." YOU DONT KNOW ME!
posted by Gorgik (the exile) at 3:35 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I love it. I will hold my smock close to me for all time.
posted by h00py (the avenger) at 3:38 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


Mine's kind of meh. In other words, you NAILED it.
posted by hangashore (the do-nothing) at 3:41 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


Kind of late, because I was up to no good, but Wolfdog wins this thread.
posted by Dr Dracator (the longhaired) at 3:41 PM on April 1, 2017


Sitting is a skill of mine, yes.
posted by cmyk (the manifest) at 3:47 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Behold, I am ...
posted by filthy light thief (the precious) at 3:49 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


Bred-liking. You have no idea how accurate this is!
posted by MonkeyToes at 3:51 PM on April 1, 2017


The Precious? Hmmm....
posted by filthy light thief (the precious) at 3:51 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Well when life gives you crowns, you make crownenade.
posted by Catblack (the artist-king) at 3:51 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


BRB, adding Trap Pancake and Dog Whisperer to my LinkedIn.
posted by Ufez Jones (the rash) at 3:52 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


How did you know I have the injurious sensible shoes of hedonism?
posted by Altomentis (the edifier) at 3:52 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


In fact, I altered the repugnant cardigan of the kindly gesture only yesterday.
posted by paduasoy (the minus-a-quarter) at 3:52 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I think I might grab myself some scotch and then kick open a new thread for anyone who wants to participate goofily in a totally-unplanned adventure using a ruleset that doesn't exist.
posted by cortex at 3:53 PM on April 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


" for anyone who wants to participate goofily in a totally-unplanned adventure using a ruleset that doesn't exist."

In other words, life.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (the law-mender) at 3:55 PM on April 1, 2017 [9 favorites]



Sole companion...

An independent tortoise



An INDEPENDENT tortoise .....

snerk!
posted by mightshould (the lion) at 3:57 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


Please title it Dungeons and Donuts. Or Cortexball!
posted by hangashore (the do-nothing) at 3:57 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I've always wanted to be followed by a hyena.
posted by holborne (the magnificent) at 3:58 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


NSAID Has Wares, If You Have Coin
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug (the accursed) at 3:59 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I can actually juggle too!
posted by PugAchev (the orthography typhoon) at 3:59 PM on April 1, 2017


Accursed?? It said I was a Legitimate Businessperson!
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug (the accursed) at 3:59 PM on April 1, 2017


I was just complaining about how I hate April Fool's Day, and now you gotta go and make this hilarious thing! Thanks!
posted by holyrood (the disinherited) at 4:00 PM on April 1, 2017


spellcasting, spelling, and punctuation are among my best skills, it's true. if only horse-whispering also were, I'd be the happiest prescriptivist in the land.
posted by dizziest (the frenzied) at 4:01 PM on April 1, 2017


#seemslegit
posted by klangklangston (the sailor king) at 4:02 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


This pleases me a lot.
posted by sarcasticah (the cocksure) at 4:02 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


This is the nerdiest thing I've ever seen. I love it.

YOU DO NOT EVEN KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO OBTAIN THE GIRDLE OF CHEESEMONGERY.
O, 'TIS A FOOL WHO TRIES TO TAKETH MY GIRDLE; HE SHALL FACE MY WALL OF ODOR AND PERISH FOR CERTAIN.

Also, could I have uncorked a more perfect drink for this occasion?
posted by chococat (the devil) at 4:05 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


My tapir and I thank you.
posted by PussKillian (the apostate) at 4:05 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO BUT LET'S HAVE AN ADVENTURE
posted by cortex at 4:07 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


Skills: catherding, grammar policing

👍👍
posted by insectosaurus (the tyrant) at 4:07 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I cast No, Begs the Question Doesn't Mean That!
posted by snorkmaiden (the bare-legged) at 4:08 PM on April 1, 2017


I was offered 'the quidnunc' but thought it best left to #1, the quidnunc kid.
posted by cichlid ceilidh (the daisy) at 4:11 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


In the game as in real like, I wield a caring nerf gun of illumination.
posted by everybody had matching towels (the impeccable) at 4:11 PM on April 1, 2017


If they're sticking around, can they be added to our profiles?

I guess there's the description field but still. LET'S KEEP 'EM.
posted by rewil (the hopeful) at 4:12 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


epithetico-sterical
posted by LobsterMitten (the sailor king) at 4:14 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I have some repugnant yoga pants that I would like to trade. I mean, I would not be offering them to trade if they were that repugnant, because I respect you. In fact, I will take another repugnant item in return, if that's all you have, I just don't want the yoga pants. It's not that they're repugnant at all. I mean, they are, but that's not the reason I want to get rid of them, if you follow me. I don't do yoga, and I rarely wear pants; and these are the only reasons that I want to trade the repugnant yoga pants.
posted by sylvanshine (the last) at 4:15 PM on April 1, 2017


Anybody else got a +1 cardigan of bibulosity ? I didn't even know what bibulous meant :-)
posted by Pendragon (the etherial) at 4:17 PM on April 1, 2017


Mine is going to require some backstory work but I'm keeping it!
posted by restless_nomad (of the nine hostages) at 4:18 PM on April 1, 2017


Got a good one my first try!
posted by peacheater (the book-lover) at 4:21 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I am in possession of a wand of caring and a robe of trust! I think this qualifies me to be the official F&F therapist
posted by Panthalassa (the implausible) at 4:21 PM on April 1, 2017


I use my hangry aol cd of irony and cast a dad joke!
posted by nubs (of-the-heads) at 4:27 PM on April 1, 2017


Inventory - handcuffs of wit
puffy shirt of flagging
portentious hood
carbuncle of destruction..."

So, I'm flailing around in the puffy shirt of flagging, wearing the portentous hood to cover the carbuncle of destruction but do I put the handcuffs of wit on myself or are they meant to go on someone else, who will proceed to entertain a huge crowd at my expense while I run headfirst into trees (see aforementioned hood)?
posted by Martha My Dear Prudence (the bean-plater) at 4:28 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I'm not sure whether I should use my skills of pearl-clutching. Maybe my Lucerne hammer of indecision will guide me. Or perhaps not. Magnificent.
posted by Ghidorah (the hairy) at 4:28 PM on April 1, 2017


I salute you all with my Foam Finger of Resistance
posted by mon-ma-tron (the swift) at 4:30 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I have a 37 voracity.
posted by sfenders (the barbarian) at 4:31 PM on April 1, 2017


Actually, I guess "dad jokes" are a skill (really?), so I summon a Magnetic Golem instead!
posted by nubs (of-the-heads) at 4:31 PM on April 1, 2017


I should not have passed on the spell "Can I ask you a quick question about Linux?" but I needed to see more.
posted by Sibrax (the constable prince) at 4:33 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I am The Answer
I am The Beast
an Unlucky Conspiracy
an Intimate Feast
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 (the holy) at 4:34 PM on April 1, 2017


While I am down with being a Bavarian, I feel like that title ought to come with delicious beer, and yet all that's in my inventory is this lousy yo-yo of conscience and a resinous eggshell. (On the plus side, I am intrigued by my newfound talent of fenestration.)
posted by ubersturm (the bavarian) at 4:36 PM on April 1, 2017


Selective quoting and a +2 credible banhammer? *heads off to troll country to wield my hammer for great justice!*
posted by metaquarry (the apostate) at 4:38 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I'm a little unnerved at how close my character description hits home. I mean, how could you have known that a swindler stole the hurdy gurdy family pair of jeggings? It's uncanny.

(But knitting really is one of my skills! Ha!)
posted by hurdy gurdy girl (the humanist) at 4:38 PM on April 1, 2017


Gosh, I sure hope high vivacity is a good/useful thing.
posted by Spathe Cadet (the cocksure) at 4:40 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I'm just here for the beer.
posted by Annika Cicada (the wench) at 4:41 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


And that I never have to move anywhere.
posted by Spathe Cadet (the cocksure) at 4:41 PM on April 1, 2017


The Grar Wall should come in handy for the politics threads.
posted by Cash4Lead (the curly) at 4:41 PM on April 1, 2017


29 verbosity? Yes please.
posted by tonycpsu (the shockhead) at 4:42 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


*squeezes the squeaky hammer of observational comedy in her palm in a menacing manner*

*releases it*

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
posted by sibboleth (the young) at 4:42 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I'm pretty psyched to see the game mechanic around my nose boop ability!
posted by glonous keming (the cabbage) at 4:47 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Awesome!
posted by porn in the woods (the constable prince) at 4:49 PM on April 1, 2017


I can't seem to remove this bustle of forgetfulness but I can't remember why.
posted by octothorpe (the bookish) at 4:50 PM on April 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


Can I reroll that saving throw versus Megathread?
posted by notyou (the well-beloved) at 4:51 PM on April 1, 2017


⚓️
posted by clorox (the sailor king) at 4:54 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


{Rolls d20}

Mornington Crescent!
posted by howfar (the soft-sword) at 4:55 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


wts +1 saddle of blasting 50gp at torch 2
posted by Lorin (the synonymous) at 4:58 PM on April 1, 2017


I love this so much. Thanks mod team!
posted by not.so.hip (the implausible) at 5:00 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


mumble mumble
posted by Joseph Gurl (the astrologer) at 5:02 PM on April 1, 2017


8D
posted by Deoridhe (the queen of bees) at 5:03 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I don my Distorted Garter Belt Of Reflection to cast U Mad Bro?

Skills:
poetry
boggling

It's like they know me.
posted by Pallas Athena (the spider) at 5:04 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


Skills: spellcasting
Spells: Storm of Cat

The prophecy is true.
posted by tabbyMage (the rewritten) at 5:04 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


Anyone need any midwifing? I apprenticed under a master's tutelage, you know.

Oh well. With a boomerang of good humor and a sausage of grace, I figure it's going to be an interesting night.
posted by Rhomboid (the greyhide) at 5:06 PM on April 1, 2017


I feel like my skills are actually pretty accurate.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk (the rash) at 5:13 PM on April 1, 2017


Humph. I couldn't get both chicken-whispering and chemistry, so I had to settle for chemistry and metallurgy. Which must be where my serene shoehorn of eloquence came from - magic shoehorns don't grow on trees, y' know.

Verbosity 7 - eponysterical!
posted by Quietgal (the fitzempress) at 5:20 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


We're about to chat up a dragon about why it evicted Ratt from their rehearsal space, if you want to join the adventure.
posted by cortex at 5:21 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I wanted the astrolomy skill, or maybe phlebotany, but I'm ultimately pretty happy with this character vs. other results.
posted by Mister Moofoo (the bookish) at 5:25 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD AND SKULLS FOR HIS THRONE!
posted by ob1quixote (the bloodthirsty) at 5:27 PM on April 1, 2017


COLOR COORDINATION IS VERY USEFUL.

it helps when you're trying to select from various poisonous plants to avenge your fallen wolf siblings
posted by lineofsight (the sacristan) at 5:29 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Spells
Append Metafilter:
Cloud Of Grar
Chatfilter
Bile Cloud

heh!
posted by dipping_sauce (the unbidden) at 5:31 PM on April 1, 2017


Humph. I couldn't get both chicken-whispering and chemistry, so I had to settle for chemistry and metallurgy.

Wait you can get chemistry as a skill? I may need to re-roll... I've got some arrows that need pushing in real life!
posted by ubersturm (the bavarian) at 5:32 PM on April 1, 2017


I am Voracious as shit. Fear my deadgoating!
posted by Johnny Wallflower (the hairy-footed) at 5:37 PM on April 1, 2017


I know what y'all are going to say about my stat sheet, but I've given it a ton of thought† and decided it's just basalt dust in the wind for me.

† Also consulted with all of my black-backgrounded contacts re: the matter.
posted by carsonb (the bean-plater) at 5:40 PM on April 1, 2017


My very first roll was so satisfying that I didn't dare re-roll! Cower before my menacing figleaf!
posted by merriment (the book-lover) at 5:42 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


Hahah. This is fantastic!
posted by gemmy (the lion) at 5:42 PM on April 1, 2017


This is fanfitzingtastic!
Yes, I know infitzing is an editor class ability, but I've got a malleable noodle. *glares*
posted by miles per flower (the fitzempress) at 5:42 PM on April 1, 2017


Peeedro, are you Joe's brother?
posted by brujita (the constable prince) at 5:43 PM on April 1, 2017


Hmmm, one of my spells is "ball of bile." Checks.... Yep, seems about right.
posted by Gyre,Gimble,Wabe, Esq. (the ceremonious) at 5:43 PM on April 1, 2017


Have you any idea how many times I had to re-roll in order to get a decent Verbosity score? (And then had to take "misspelling" to min-max my skill set?) Why can't F&F character creation have a point-buy system like in KarmaQuest or Upvotemaster?
posted by Doktor Zed (the moneybags) at 5:44 PM on April 1, 2017


Buffalo!!!
posted by chainsofreedom (the monk) at 5:45 PM on April 1, 2017


Spells:
Ode To Woad
Silence All Of Life
Poison Aura

Skills:
derailing
making routine phone calls
dot connecting

Sounds about right!
posted by DiscourseMarker (the silent) at 5:47 PM on April 1, 2017


With the Comprehend Voynich spell I shall become incredibly powerful in my chosen profession of parchment-stroking.
posted by Horace Rumpole (the one who fights alone) at 5:48 PM on April 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


I love this.
posted by MadamM (the stern counsellor) at 5:48 PM on April 1, 2017


I was raised by wolves and my skills include crouton petting. I accept.
posted by athenasbanquet at 5:48 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


Whoa
posted by mathowie (the vaper) at 5:51 PM on April 1, 2017 [11 favorites]


Oh duh, forgot to hit save.
posted by mathowie (the vaper) at 5:52 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


am i reality
posted by Foci for Analysis (the sifaka lemur) at 5:52 PM on April 1, 2017


Hi.
posted by grouse (the god-like one) at 5:54 PM on April 1, 2017


Well now.
posted by mandolin conspiracy (the fowler) at 5:55 PM on April 1, 2017


Her Ceorta cyning,
modora teora,
beona platera,
and his codor eac,
Frimbla aetheling,
did manig yuosera
gefoolen Aprillan
ymbe Filterburh.
posted by Freelance Demiurge (the do-nothing) at 5:56 PM on April 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


My character is eerily eerily close to the IRL runcifex.

And..

BOW BEFORE MY 1337 JAR OPENING SKILLZ !!!1ELEVEN
posted by runcifex (the hopeful) at 5:57 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I hereby cast Tedium Cloud.
posted by mandolin conspiracy (the fowler) at 5:58 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I love this so much. I was wondering whether Mefi was still going to do something cool for 1st April or if you'd decided against it this year.
posted by lollusc (the prudent) at 6:07 PM on April 1, 2017


Peeedro, are you Joe's brother?

More of a Pedro the Lion cover band, but I can try some Bowie for you.
posted by peeedro (the lion) at 6:09 PM on April 1, 2017


And please eponysterically hope me!
posted by runcifex (the hopeful) at 6:11 PM on April 1, 2017


Evidently I have the skill of appointment-keeping. Useful now that it is 3:12am here and I am thus past actual April 1.
posted by nat (the navigator) at 6:12 PM on April 1, 2017


Also, it's well-known among my friends that I can't navigate my way out of a paper bag, wet or dry, so. Well.
posted by nat (the navigator) at 6:13 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I had to look up "indolent" and discovered it means lazy.

This knows me so well!!!!!
posted by suetanvil (the indolent) at 6:14 PM on April 1, 2017


merry, my ass. why can't you guys just let me be. i've had a hard life and all i want to do is relax without you darn kids making all that noise. you punks with your music and crazy ideas about peace and love. how am i supposed to nap. you all better get running, or i'm calling the cops.
posted by bitteroldman (the merry) at 6:15 PM on April 1, 2017 [6 favorites]


actually, you know what? i just called them. enjoy your jail cell you riff-raff teenagers.
posted by bitteroldman (the merry) at 6:19 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I want to bail on all my evening plans and just fuck around with this. Awesomeness.
posted by purenitrous at 6:20 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Wow I don't know how I missed this, seems I was browsing metatalk only a couple hours ago and never noticed.
posted by some loser (the ancient) at 6:20 PM on April 1, 2017


I don't get it. Was I chased out of town by the mob because they wanted more ukelele?
posted by peppermind (the tangled) at 6:21 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


I actually had a character in a very ill fated Deadlands campaign who will forever be remembered by my group because I asked - in a dream sequence of otherworldly and Lovecraftian horror - what sort of stone the buildings were made from. Causing my DM at the time to realize in horror that I had taken enough skills in geology for that to be a valid question for me to ask, and that he was totally unprepared for the question. Said character died a horrific physical death along with most of Oklahoma thanks to a supernatural nuke a few sessions later.

Thus that I now wield the "dystopian mourning star of minerology" seems only fitting.
posted by strixus (the bloodaxe) at 6:22 PM on April 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


Yay!
posted by Faintdreams (the harefoot) at 6:25 PM on April 1, 2017


retractable diadem of defenestration
vexillogical hulahoop of comfort

I cannot adequately express, even with 17 Vivacity, the paroxysms of joy my Inventory items give me!! Beyond apropos. Spooky, even. Also, having numeracy as a skill in fantasy is oddly pleasing, given the unpleasant reality of my chronic dyscalculia.

This assassin sincerely thanks the Mods for this deeply satisfying bit of frivolity. No daggers of bile being thrown here, just hugs all 'round. Because I read the Notes. :)
posted by Amor Bellator (the red) at 6:26 PM on April 1, 2017


I checked this out just to see what character I'd get. A swan... raised by wolves? There's a "feathered camera of the autumn breeze" in my inventory, which seems apropos for my username. Also, I like that my skills include "rhetorical jiujistu".
posted by orange swan (the lover of elegance) at 6:28 PM on April 1, 2017


I have a Verbosity of 29 and a Vivacity of 7. Sounds about right.

(I had posted this to the wrong F&F thread, embarrassingly enough)
posted by bibliowench (the frenzied) at 6:32 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Joining in the typhooning.
posted by lazuli (the orthography typhoon) at 6:32 PM on April 1, 2017


Hawtness!
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt (the candid) at 6:43 PM on April 1, 2017


I always wanted to be a barbarian!
posted by msali (the vain) at 6:46 PM on April 1, 2017


29?!? I'm gonna have to hit reroll on this thing for a few hours I guess.
posted by Justinian (the silent) at 6:46 PM on April 1, 2017


Was everyone a foundling found in the library?? JUST ME THEN?
posted by jessamyn (the shockhead) at 6:47 PM on April 1, 2017 [18 favorites]


ding ding ding
posted by rabbitrabbit (the bellringer) at 6:47 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Oh hee
posted by Space Kitty (the posthumous) at 6:50 PM on April 1, 2017


I'm a descriptivist law-mender, which I guess means I rearrange the rules to match reality.
posted by reluctant early bird (the law-mender) at 6:53 PM on April 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


omg Jessamyn you got the spell of Silence All My Life- that's awesome!
posted by Mouse Army (the roundhead) at 6:56 PM on April 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


ding ding ding?
I thought that was what the fox says, not the rabbit.
posted by oneswellfoop (the magnificent) at 6:56 PM on April 1, 2017


Ha! I had to reroll because the class in my first try was my actual real life job, and that freaked me out.
posted by lovecrafty (the devil) at 6:58 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


I have the analogical eyepatch, the malleable bandana of joy, and the skill of catherding. Yes.
posted by Lexica (the proud) at 6:59 PM on April 1, 2017


Ah this is so great.
posted by limeonaire (the enlightened) at 7:04 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


eponysterical.
posted by ApathyGirl (the greyfell) at 7:04 PM on April 1, 2017


considering re-spawning but kinda proud to have a +5 fibrous blackjack of luxury, mantle of enlightenment values and generous t-shirt, as well as spells of Magic Missile, Grar Vision, and Equivocation.
posted by oneswellfoop (the magnificent) at 7:04 PM on April 1, 2017


I ran out of hoppitamoppita lipstick writing this final map:
> EXIT STAGE LEFT

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO EXIT?

> _

? TIMEOUT ERROR
posted by not_on_display (the impeccable) at 7:08 PM on April 1, 2017


The gods cursed my early life with an obsession for deconstruction. How did the character generator know that?
posted by treepour (the unbidden) at 7:09 PM on April 1, 2017


GUYS THERE IS A SPELL CALLED
"SILENCE ALL OF LIFE"
THIS IS THE BEST
posted by churl (the wicked) at 7:11 PM on April 1, 2017 [6 favorites]


It's tempting to respawn, but I'm liking being LIMEONAIRE THE ENLIGHTENED at this second at least, as right now my inventory includes a BUTTERED CAT OF POLYGONS and my skills include BAND NAMING and DAD JOKES.

I could've been LIMEONAIRE THE MAD, a poet with math skills, but I rerolled.
posted by limeonaire (the enlightened) at 7:12 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


Does the cat barrier spell create a barrier against cats or a barrier made up of cats?
posted by Rob Rockets (the impeccable) at 7:13 PM on April 1, 2017 [4 favorites]


Are sockpuppets considered NPCs?
posted by tzikeh (the constable prince) at 7:16 PM on April 1, 2017


A sneaky axolotl companion! Though I'm not sure how literal a beer-jug can be--was the price for my fancy footwork a new wise-cracking form?
posted by lesser weasel (the beer-jug) at 7:20 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I re-rolled midgame, which I'm sure is illegal. But now I'm like Dr. Manhattan so I really don't care.
posted by valkane (the god-like one) at 7:20 PM on April 1, 2017


Fave & Flags doesn't so much have laws as guidelines, anyway.
posted by cortex at 7:25 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


34 vitality, fuck yeah. Can't quibble with the other stuff, I am not rerolling when I am indestructible.
posted by Meatbomb (the drunkard) at 7:29 PM on April 1, 2017


So this character sheet implies I have character.
posted by arcticseal (the unique) at 7:30 PM on April 1, 2017


This was so much fun. Thank you for setting it up and letting us play.
posted by Cuke (the implausible) at 7:32 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Another orphan, I'll pay for the service in Lady Mayor Jessamyn the Grand Foundling Librarian's library with my window-work labor in the great hexagonal halls.

From my windows I fire Slingshots of Perspective at both troll armies and confusing math problems that often involve lethal probabilities. Any steampunk warrior-engineer can request my Cloud of Water and Lava Storm, subject to the jurisdiction of the 2nd law.

Legend has it that at a young age, I spelled the name of the band, The Band, to the band eponymically named, but [citation needed]. My band-naming skills involve recursion and band-naming.
posted by runcifex (the hopeful) at 7:34 PM on April 1, 2017


I'm happy with this development.
posted by equestrian (the precious) at 7:44 PM on April 1, 2017


"... the book-lover..." Yay! "...They aspired to learn cataloguing, to no success." Ha! This made me laugh, thank you.

(There was one roll I got that was great but for some reason I couldn't accept the fact that my char had a fear of unicorns, so I re-rolled. I would have been okay with the one that mentioned being afraid of talking on the phone, though. :) )

This feature isn't going away, right? I can totally see using it to generate characters later.

Huge thanks to cortex, frimble and the mods! Especially to have this all launched on a Saturday. I admit I was curious what you had up your sleeves this year for April 1 and this is so utterly fantastic and lovely and spot-on for MeFi, and I have a big grin on my face right now. It's fun rolling through these and seeing such a wide variety of possibilities, and being amused and impressed by the generated characters and backstories (as well as the attention to style, including fonts and background). I'm imagining you all having a blast seeing this come together with all of your suggestions on the options.

I love seeing all the in-jokes. Some of my favorites are the capricious block of red leicester cheese, the Relitigate Primaries spell (I'm guessing a Faves & Flags campaign is the only place that spell would be okay!), the swordfish of hoppitamoppita, and music skills based on ukulele or non-ukulele.

I know I've said something like this before, but I'd like to say again that the April Fool's projects here are always clever and positive, and never take advantage of people in an unkind way. It's always refreshing and makes me proud of the MeFi staff, and proud to be part of this community. This year is no exception, and I think it means even more this year because of how difficult times have been recently. You've really done something special here. Thanks again.
posted by rangefinder 1.4 (the book-lover) at 7:47 PM on April 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


I was so worried there wasn't going to be any April 1st shenanigans, so I am very pleased by this development!
posted by dogheart (the rash) at 7:49 PM on April 1, 2017


I'm just so glad I have a manatee.
posted by routergirl (the farmer) at 7:49 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


A magnetic puffy shirt, just what I always wanted.

Thanks!
posted by Zonker (the hammer) at 7:51 PM on April 1, 2017


I got here late and all the good title's were taken. But at least I have an incredible feather. Okay, that's a lie, it's only a credible feather, but still.
posted by zinon (the mild) at 7:53 PM on April 1, 2017


I have an appalling pair of nunchucks and couldn't be happier.
posted by arcticseal (the unique) at 7:56 PM on April 1, 2017


AHHH I HAVE A WOOLY URN IN MY INVENTORY! :D
posted by bibliogrrl (the greyfell) at 8:00 PM on April 1, 2017


My real-life skills really do include knot-tying, boggling, color coordination, and flim-flam. In a different century I worked as a stagehand, and those skills were quite necessary.
posted by BlueJae (the martyr) at 8:01 PM on April 1, 2017


ABC. Always Be Cat-tempesting.
posted by knuckle tattoos (the well-beloved) at 8:03 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


*BlueJae the Martyr, Descriptivist, casts Flag It and Move On to protect the bio section's excellent use of singular they from all prescriptivist attacks for infinite rounds*
posted by BlueJae (the martyr) at 8:07 PM on April 1, 2017


How much does a wooly urn? No, nevermind, that doesn't work...
posted by Greg_Ace (the unavoidable) at 8:08 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I gots joke arrows. They should come in handy on Thursday nights.
posted by valkane (the god-like one) at 8:11 PM on April 1, 2017


Veracity: 4
Verbosity: 12
I assume this is on a scale of 1 to 10?

tldr: if you can't dazzle them with dexterity baffle them with bullshit
posted by ActingTheGoat (the wicked) at 8:11 PM on April 1, 2017


I don't think I'm ever going to get tired of being be-shitten

You should try raising puppies. You'll never be un-shat-upon again!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe (the populator) at 8:14 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Yes! This is awesome.
posted by studioaudience (the edifier) at 8:17 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I feel like my scores:

Velocity: 15
Verbosity: 11

Accurately reflect my obsession with the politics threads, where I'm about to dump a ton of verbosity in a moment.
posted by zachlipton (the be-shitten) at 8:20 PM on April 1, 2017


Up with this sort of thing.
posted by device55 (the bastard scotsman) at 8:30 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Mine was uncannily accurate for a random roll.
posted by felix grundy (the redemptress) at 8:33 PM on April 1, 2017


I'm going to blow some sweet cotton rips, or something!
posted by gladly (the vaper) at 8:35 PM on April 1, 2017


Spells
Reveal Cabal
No, 'Begs The Question' Doesn't Mean That

perfect
posted by emmling (the fair sun) at 8:42 PM on April 1, 2017


Bit late to the party, but I have a hammer!
posted by Alnedra (the spirited) at 8:43 PM on April 1, 2017


Also meant to say - the manual and coloring page are genius. I really appreciate the time creating/illustrating/writing the pages! The artwork is great.

So much good stuff about them. A few favorites: Love the bike helmet-esque crown and the plus signs in the hand later. So much made me laugh: "Selecting a class through class consciousness"; SEO for chapter 6. In the Appendices: the B, C, D titles. The trollby/trilby pun. And I have no idea how I will forge ahead with playing a campaign without being able to consult Headband Measurement Table VI, but I applaud whoever wrote that. :)

A brave warrior and her trusty vexillomancer

1. Vexillomancer is a nice touch (I admit I had to look up vexillology).
2. To see the brave warrior protagonist on the cover of this RPG be referred to as "her"... all I can say is, thank you. When I saw that, I unexpectedly had to take a moment to process it, as decades of personal memories flooded back. I also appreciate seeing "they/them" pronouns on the char sheets. What a difference a game like this (and a coloring book like this) would have made, if it had been around back when I was a kid.
posted by rangefinder 1.4 (the book-lover) at 8:47 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I got 15 vivacity on my first few rolls, then kept rerolling till I got it again. I need all the vivacity I can get these days...
posted by ocherdraco (the fair sun) at 8:48 PM on April 1, 2017


Skills: making a perfect sandwich.

SOLD!

(This is fantastic, thanks for all the hard work!)
posted by Room 641-A (the sly) at 8:49 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Oh hell yes.
posted by rmd1023 (the quidnunc) at 9:03 PM on April 1, 2017


I have a skill in Hamilton quoting this is GREAT
posted by nonasuch (the oath-taker) at 9:07 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


First roll I was a moderator. Was slightly disappointed to re-roll as a lowly monarch.
posted by Chris4d (the wild) at 9:07 PM on April 1, 2017


4 Verbosity. Appropriate.
posted by NMcCoy (the sausage-maker) at 9:10 PM on April 1, 2017


oh my god, this is delightful. mr. machine would, in fact, like to affirm that i am joyceanmachine the short.
posted by joyceanmachine at 9:11 PM on April 1, 2017


Sweet! I got the html5 compliance skill!
posted by kaibutsu (the bruce) at 9:13 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


INVENTORY:
long-winded club of grooviness
analogical eyepatch of bloat
quinceanera dress of forbearance
eggshell of pluck

SPELLS:
Get Own Blog
Form Babby

SKILLS:
correct pronunciation
cat-whispering
crouton petting
dinosaur identification
posted by QuakerMel (the terrible) at 9:14 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Skills:
making a perfect cup of coffee
making a perfect pot of tea

Yeah you guys don't want to know how many times I had to reroll to get that perfect dual-beverage-proficiency, but what can I say, I'm a min-maxer to the core.
posted by mstokes650 (the red) at 9:19 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


felix grundy and corb, as fellow redemptresses, I feel we should form a guild, just for sharing tips on better redemptressing. My travelling companion, a pious lion, can be our mascot.
posted by sardonyx (the redemptress) at 9:26 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]


I don't know what buttling is, but apparently I am good at it!
posted by Zalzidrax (the well-beloved) at 9:30 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


Class: ship's captain (this has actually been true IRL).

Name: jaduncan the caulker
Bio: jaduncan has no memory of their birth place but we know that they were raised by wolves. They aspired to learn self-deprecation, to no success, but they were chased from their village by an angry mob. They travel with their eloquent sun bear.

Velocity:
34

Skills:
glaring
muttering

*snaps eyes over for instantaneous side-eye* All you people are gonna get it. *mumbles*

Luckily my injurious sugar bowl of trust will both injure you and convince you of my fine and upstanding nature, and my mercurial beehive of unfairness should make me occasionally beloved and occasionally bewailed in the politics threads based on who gets the mercurial bees.
posted by jaduncan (the caulker) at 9:32 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I expect a flame war over whether Dave Arneson is the *real* creator of Faves & Flags.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:38 PM on April 1, 2017


I have never been so happy.
posted by soakimbo (the peculiar) at 9:45 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I see that I am not the only Devil.
posted by scottymac (the devil) at 9:45 PM on April 1, 2017


I see that I am not the only Devil.

The Devil is in all of us. *glares*
posted by jaduncan (the caulker) at 9:53 PM on April 1, 2017


Adorable! Best April Fools ever :) Thanks guys!
posted by Calzephyr (the book-lover) at 9:53 PM on April 1, 2017


Love this and love my herd of duck-sized horses
posted by Mchelly (the exile) at 10:08 PM on April 1, 2017


I, too, boggle
posted by gt2 (the silent) at 10:45 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


This is wild
posted by crazycanuck (the wild) at 10:46 PM on April 1, 2017


AHAHAHa. My name was already an obscure Dungeons and Dragons joke, but now it's two!
posted by rodlymight (of the seven parts) at 10:52 PM on April 1, 2017 [5 favorites]


I haven't gotten to read this yet, I just want to see what my name would be.
posted by jenfullmoon (the populator) at 10:57 PM on April 1, 2017


Aw dammit!
posted by jenfullmoon (the populator) at 10:58 PM on April 1, 2017


Ohhhh. I am stoopid.
posted by jenfullmoon (the populator) at 10:59 PM on April 1, 2017


Behold - I am terrible. Also I have hackysacks.

And unbreakable kilt of joy.
posted by Happy Dave (the terrible) at 11:16 PM on April 1, 2017


I just cast "well, actually" and I'm feeling PRETTY GOOD ABOUT IT.
posted by potrzebie at 11:35 PM on April 1, 2017


Too close to reality, or only clowning around?
posted by Thella (the handsome) at 11:39 PM on April 1, 2017


omg.

This is so much great. The shards of handbook are fantastic. I truly truly desire a wall of puppies.
posted by mce (the etherial) at 11:40 PM on April 1, 2017


My tanktop of compunction goes very well with my jeggings of obliviousness.
posted by Thella (the handsome) at 11:44 PM on April 1, 2017


I have metamorphosed through romakimmy the tangled and romakimmy the executioner and various lesser iterations so the next time I have to face down a Balrog on a bridge I can cast thusly: " SO OUT OF EVENS"
posted by romakimmy (the precocious) at 11:44 PM on April 1, 2017


The fact that this random generator assigned me the inventory of "musical buttered cat" and "organic tuxedo of sarcasm" makes me believe that it truly looked into my soul.
posted by ilana (the effervescent) at 11:48 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]


I'm sad that I didn't seem to get a companion but cautiously optimistic that I have metallurgy skillz!
posted by TwoStride (the swift) at 11:57 PM on April 1, 2017


I can't decide whether to cast "Fave Blizzard" or "Hail of Cat"
posted by Nerd of the North (the hunter) at 12:08 AM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


I'm vaccinated! Yes! I am!
posted by fiercekitten (the vaccinated) at 12:39 AM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


I might be eaten by a grue.
posted by CancerMan (the farmer) at 1:32 AM on April 2, 2017


I use my silver apple newton to cast Daggers of Brine!
posted by straight (the astrologer) at 2:17 AM on April 2, 2017


best things I've woken up to in a while.
posted by sciencegeek at 2:24 AM on April 2, 2017


I am very confused right now.
posted by lmfsilva (the luxurious) at 3:19 AM on April 2, 2017


Wall of cats sounds like the most amazing spell ever in the history of everything.
posted by Katemonkey (the affable) at 4:19 AM on April 2, 2017


Well, then. Me and my ornery rod are going to have interesting adventures.
posted by Trifling (the unavoidable) at 4:31 AM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


Oh, thank you for leaving this up an extra day or two. Rerolling dozens of times for the lolz was a great way to waste an hour.
posted by DigDoug (the wearing-a-cape) at 4:49 AM on April 2, 2017


This is the best thing ever!
posted by math (the well-beloved) at 5:08 AM on April 2, 2017


A++
posted by ThePinkSuperhero (the outlaw) at 5:17 AM on April 2, 2017


... but you fuck one book...
posted by rlk (the book-lover) at 5:30 AM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


This is one hundred percent great. Veracity 16!!!
posted by mdonley (the enlightened) at 5:34 AM on April 2, 2017


would fave again.
posted by progosk (the coppernose) at 5:39 AM on April 2, 2017


You amazing geeks you
posted by brilliantmistake (the red) at 5:42 AM on April 2, 2017


Another time sink!??!
posted by kingless (the damned) at 5:47 AM on April 2, 2017


I like to think of it as a +1 time sink of randomness
posted by frimble (the hootenannyer) at 5:56 AM on April 2, 2017


My services might BEE needed in DC, if the political threads are to BEE BEELIEVED.
posted by SpiffyRob (the greyfell) at 6:07 AM on April 2, 2017


Being the damned is too accurate to reroll immediately. Started as the bilingual and liked it, but decided it was too aspirational.
posted by kingless (the damned) at 6:07 AM on April 2, 2017


I love this
posted by exogenous (the impaler) at 6:27 AM on April 2, 2017


ha, this is great
posted by and they trembled before her fury (the trembler) at 6:29 AM on April 2, 2017 [7 favorites]


I would have liked to reroll for better stats, but having a Class of Prophet gave me pause. When I noticed that I have a Shot Glass of Illumination AND a Vengeful Fig Leaf of Polyamory, I decided to leave well enough alone.
posted by mkhall (the greyfell) at 6:38 AM on April 2, 2017


I kept rolling for a while but when I saw "eponysterical boomerang of the warm blankie" I kind of had to stop.
posted by nickmark (the peculiar) at 7:04 AM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


I just wanted to see my tag *hits enter*
posted by Beardman (the truly fully licensed hairstylist) at 7:12 AM on April 2, 2017


Also, it'll be hard to give up raised by wolves.
posted by kingless (the damned) at 7:29 AM on April 2, 2017


It's pretty easy to roll "raised by wolves." In fact if there's one thing that unites this merry band of rogues, it's that so many of us have been raised by wolves. On the other hand, you have both an alliterative dirk and a plutonian dirk. That's like doubly devilishly dark and dire dirks. Rare!
posted by taz (the little impaler) at 7:47 AM on April 2, 2017


That's a real dirk move, bro.
posted by cortex at 7:47 AM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


I'm a chicken whisperer!
posted by Groovymomma (the magnificent) at 7:58 AM on April 2, 2017


This is pretty much what the guidance counselor back in high school told me too.
posted by penduluum (the constable prince) at 8:06 AM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


I'm a mad saint. Metafilter!
posted by R a c h e l (the mad) at 8:14 AM on April 2, 2017


I like!

(Low verbosity score.)
posted by SpacemanStix (the sacrificer) at 8:27 AM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


What-ho, my good fellows.
posted by EmpressCallipygos (the oath-taker) at 8:29 AM on April 2, 2017


I got the elf dildo the first time and maybe that fits. Maybe that was deserved. But I spotted folks with elf dildos and asked them. They were 100% going to Liverpool to do nothing all the days of their lives. Whatever kind of mistaken fun that might sound like I ain't wearing no elf dildo. I'm not.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 8:52 AM on April 2, 2017


It's pretty easy to roll "raised by wolves."

Right, should've read more tag sheets. I'm wondering whether the crowned or the uncrowned would be better for me, and whether either is available. Or maybe the squatter since being the damned holds me in thrall. Or the enthralled...hmm.

Thanks, mods! The effect of the spell of politics threads on me is slightly weaker, ~ -3.
posted by kingless (the damned) at 8:55 AM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


I, too, was doomed from the start. I feel so at home now.
posted by crush (the bookish) at 9:01 AM on April 2, 2017


There is zero chance that extra-arty Josh Millard who CLEARLY ACTUALLY wrote that manual (and burned the PDF himself too, probably) is admitting to being paphnuty via the pseudonym on the cover and therefore confirming the scant supporting evidence (most of it deleted) that he supplies the globe with sixty-three percent of its fractals.

I am happy with my initial roll, but aiming for the power to cast a Wall of Puppies might get me re-rolling.
posted by carsonb (the bean-plater) at 9:06 AM on April 2, 2017


I finished my coloring contest entry! Did anyone else do some coloring?
posted by Secretariat (the magnificent) at 9:08 AM on April 2, 2017 [3 favorites]


I love my new analogical chemise of torpor; it is very comfortable and YAWWWWWN
posted by ourobouros (the sly) at 9:15 AM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


This is good.
posted by chunking express (the artist-king) at 9:28 AM on April 2, 2017


I cast perspective shift - it's not very effective
posted by inflatablekiwi (the bewitched) at 9:33 AM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


link to explosion news
posted by jonmc at 10:08 AM on April 2, 2017


NUMERACY. This is indeed my gift to the world.
posted by BrashTech (the disinherited) at 10:23 AM on April 2, 2017


I use my, um, let's see, joyful calipers? on the gnoll.
posted by gauche (the mad) at 10:27 AM on April 2, 2017


Amazing!
posted by tickingclock (the tidbit) at 10:35 AM on April 2, 2017


It's like the character generator looked into my soul.
posted by chapps (the insidious) at 10:40 AM on April 2, 2017


when I couldn't sleep last night, I started thinking up more alternate titles (which I've checked to be sure nobody on this thread already has)

the freshmaker
the duke of earl
smarter than the average bear
karma chameleon
karma comedian
of the mounties
the happy medium
the sidekick
the little lebowsky
the plucky
the dark knight
the duck knight
just one of the boys/girls
with benefits
incognito
the other one
more than meets the eye
a legend in their spare time
description pending review
not much, how about you?
posted by oneswellfoop (the magnificent) at 10:44 AM on April 2, 2017 [4 favorites]


Glares menacingly at my title
posted by forforf (the affable) at 10:57 AM on April 2, 2017


I rhyme! I am so delighted with all of this!
posted by juliplease (the queen of bees) at 11:02 AM on April 2, 2017 [9 favorites]


I have an ample glaive-guisarme of bred likking and am not afraid, yet still somewhat hesitant, to use it.
posted by obloquy (the unfortunate) at 11:03 AM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


Wait, who am I?
posted by Stewriffic (the new-day) at 11:32 AM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


You Are The New Day
posted by Daily Alice (the rewritten) at 12:06 PM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


Get ready for some eye rolling from bigendian!
posted by bigendian (the popular) at 12:09 PM on April 2, 2017


I want to publicly acknowledge my privilege, being purple-born and all.
posted by defenestration (the purple-born) at 12:27 PM on April 2, 2017


Okay. -.-
posted by yonega (the priest-hater) at 12:36 PM on April 2, 2017


Can I and my Knob of Privilege help you, defenestration?
posted by ChuraChura (the sifaka lemur) at 12:49 PM on April 2, 2017


This is great, still regret re-rolling and losing my gilded mitten of polyamory though.
posted by comealongpole (the beer-jug) at 1:47 PM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


yonega, I see and appreciate your fenestration skill. Perhaps we can collaborate.

ChuraChura, yes, I believe it can be used to close an invisible door, which in turn will open an invisible window from which we can throw things.
posted by defenestration (the purple-born) at 1:49 PM on April 2, 2017


I can finally whistle!!!! O frabjous day!!!!
posted by epj (the harefoot) at 1:50 PM on April 2, 2017


I cast bewilderment at the darkness
posted by solotoro (of-the-heads) at 2:01 PM on April 2, 2017


I am just here to cast the "It's Gonna Be Okay" spell and am happy to use it anytime it's needed on MetaTalk.
posted by Atrahasis (the unavoidable) at 2:16 PM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


Shazam! I am now Too-Ticky the Chansonnier, singer-songwriter, at your service. I can summon all the storms: Deletion Storm, Fire Storm, and Oil Storm. The latter two must surely be extra-devastating when cast together at the same time!
I am adept at eye rolling, spellcasting, juggling and heart blessing. What more could I possibly wish for?
posted by Too-Ticky (the chansonnier) at 2:16 PM on April 2, 2017


I think my sugar bowl of commenting is pretty appropriate, given my username. Also, how did y'all know I have a calcified kilt?
posted by cooker girl (the frenzied) at 2:51 PM on April 2, 2017


Sherriff! Tamer of bears! I'll take it!
posted by MCMikeNamara (the red) at 3:02 PM on April 2, 2017


(Also I'm red!)
posted by MCMikeNamara (the red) at 3:03 PM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


Are there gelatinous cubes? I'm here for the gelatinous cubes.
posted by spamandkimchi (the impeccable) at 3:32 PM on April 2, 2017


Yum, gelatinous cubes!
posted by klausness (the debonaire) at 3:47 PM on April 2, 2017


Delighted my skill in Nose Boop is finally recognized!
posted by Space Kitty (the posthumous) at 3:48 PM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


this was the best thing. thank you for it.
posted by ifjuly (the unavoidable) at 4:10 PM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


Aw, I have a snowflake of community spirit in my inventory! :)
posted by firei (the sifaka lemur) at 4:11 PM on April 2, 2017


Fitted sheet folding and copy editing. So qrong
posted by nestor_makhno (the unfortunate) at 4:22 PM on April 2, 2017


Hi.
posted by The corpse in the library (the evil twin) at 4:30 PM on April 2, 2017 [3 favorites]


Checking in!
posted by BlueDuke (the usurper) at 4:39 PM on April 2, 2017


I couldn't resist re-rolling my character sheet, which gave me the title "the magnificent" and class "newbie"; plus the spells "Tempest Of Deletion" and "Make Terrible Pun" fit me well, along with the "musical hula hoop of grace" and ukulele and bicycle repair skills.
posted by oneswellfoop (the magnificent) at 4:44 PM on April 2, 2017


briank the cocksure casts REVEAL CABAL!!

::nothing happens::

Well, I guess they weren't kidding after all.
posted by briank (the cocksure) at 4:53 PM on April 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


This is the best.
posted by palmcorder_yajna (the avenger) at 4:53 PM on April 2, 2017


... infelicitous puffy shirt of community spirit... all I've ever wanted!
posted by Samarium (the sacrificer) at 4:55 PM on April 2, 2017


I got cat aura AND cat whispering. Truly this Oracle knows me.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet (the sifaka lemur) at 5:31 PM on April 2, 2017


I am a bee-keeper. Fear me.
posted by thedarksideofprocyon (the usurper) at 5:42 PM on April 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


Yeah baby ... you know it.
posted by theredpen (the wicked) at 5:46 PM on April 2, 2017


WOW.

I have never played an RPG in my life, even though it seems like the sort of thing I would really enjoy, but this is COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY FANTASTIC.

Really. Well done.

THANK YOU!
posted by kristi at 6:02 PM on April 2, 2017


Apparently, I lik the bred.
posted by Defying Gravity (the wild) at 6:54 PM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


Secretariat I finished my coloring contest entry! Did anyone else do some coloring?

You inspired me to highlight my skill of making perfect sandwiches.
posted by Room 641-A (the sly) at 7:27 PM on April 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


Thank you for this
posted by thivaia (the queen of bees) at 7:33 PM on April 2, 2017


This is amazing!
posted by suedehead (the perfect prince) at 7:44 PM on April 2, 2017


Kinda disappointed there's no "son of minya" title.

(Roll saving throw to avoid cutting off your own hand.)
posted by klangklangston (the sailor king) at 8:11 PM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


I rerolled quite a few times because I refuse to have low vivacity. Gave up a character with the birdwatching skill. Gained an irreverent raccoon which I assume means Rocket from Guardians of the Galaxy.
posted by halonine (the ancient) at 8:27 PM on April 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


So many wonderful characters. It's like you know me!
posted by meinvt (the sacristan) at 9:07 PM on April 2, 2017


blorp.
posted by Going To Maine (the sifaka lemur) at 9:17 PM on April 2, 2017


I am terrified of clouds shaped like animals, but can cast the spell Tornado of Dog. I can only assume this is some sort of Batman-like become-the-thing-you-fear-most thing.
posted by biogeo (the middle) at 9:34 PM on April 2, 2017


Regent, yes I like that. I like that very much. Much better then reagent.
posted by Zedcaster (the purple-born) at 10:26 PM on April 2, 2017


What exactly is a bladed skull? Triceratops?
posted by Coaticass (the new-day) at 1:44 AM on April 3, 2017


I have a cat storm... which is a storm of cats... or cats coming in from the storm... or cats are storming the castle... whichever comes naturally....
posted by TrishaU (the curly) at 2:37 AM on April 3, 2017


So ...

When do we start gaming?
posted by kyrademon (the magnificent) at 2:45 AM on April 3, 2017


Oh wow this looks like heaps of fun, ha ha! You're a genius cortex, this is great!

"quidnunc kid the bad entertainer"

Ah. Fuck you, cortex. *Re-roll.*

"quidnunc kid the bald"

Fuck you cortex. *Re-roll*

"quidnunc kid the moneybags"

Nice try but I gave to MetaFilter last month. Or ... the month before, maybe. OK - fuck you cortex. *Re-roll*

"quidnunc kid the ill-tempered"

YES MAYBE I AM FUCKING ILL TEMPERED YOU ... GODDAMN SASSAFRASS *RE-ROLL*

"quidnunc kid the terrible"

No fuck YOU, cortex. *Re-roll*

"quidnunc kid the tyrant"

Oh yeah sure you're voting #1 now you goddamn sassafrass. *Re-roll*

"quidnunc kid the leprous"

FUCK. YOU. COR. TEX. *RE. ROLL.*

"quidnunc kid the slobberer"

Yeah I didn't even want to play your game cos I'm really busy actually yeah *Re-roll*

"quidnunc kid the bad entertainer"

Ok, FINE, I take your point. "Role-playing", sure. SURE IT IS.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 3:04 AM on April 3, 2017 [9 favorites]


[for the avoidance of doubt: the above all in jest, not intended as an actual series of insults toward DungeonMaster cortext, who remains a genius for this and many other reasons]
posted by the quidnunc kid at 3:23 AM on April 3, 2017


There's actually another one pretty much perfectly suited for you (she said mysteriously).
posted by taz (the little impaler) at 3:25 AM on April 3, 2017


My leprousy is mostly under control!!!
posted by the quidnunc kid at 3:30 AM on April 3, 2017 [2 favorites]


Just rolling with it…
posted by monocultured (the strict) at 3:33 AM on April 3, 2017


Arriving late to the party. I love every single thing about this.
posted by Combat Wombat (the terrible) at 3:33 AM on April 3, 2017


Skills:
making a perfect cup of coffee
color coordination
eye rolling

Art imitates life!
posted by awkwardpanda (the monk) at 3:44 AM on April 3, 2017


Casts |Golem Of Bile|
Crapola. This is how Bannons are made.
posted by spamandkimchi (the impeccable) at 4:49 AM on April 3, 2017


A very belated wow! Honoured to be a bureaucrat.
posted by carbide (the priest-hater) at 4:57 AM on April 3, 2017


This is cool and all, but when does the devil worshiping start? My Latin skills are getting rusty and I would like to move toward the now-inevitable human sacrifice.
posted by Pater Aletheias (the manifest) at 5:05 AM on April 3, 2017 [3 favorites]


Love love love this. Thanks mods.
posted by Rock Steady (the artist-king) at 5:26 AM on April 3, 2017


So I've never played an RPG before. How do we actually start a game? Is there a separate thread or something?
posted by slogger (the cabbage) at 6:09 AM on April 3, 2017


Cortex has been DMing in this thread as the fancy takes him. Of course, anyone else who has the time and inclination could jump in: you don't have to let Cortex owning all the books stop you.
posted by frimble (the hootenannyer) at 6:20 AM on April 3, 2017


This is awesome - thank you!
posted by needlegrrl (the orthography typhoon) at 6:22 AM on April 3, 2017


haha, so fun!
posted by aka burlap (the wild) at 6:47 AM on April 3, 2017


I'm a cabbage!
posted by slogger (the cabbage) at 7:13 AM on April 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


Fabulous.
posted by widdershins (the ancient) at 7:14 AM on April 3, 2017


This put a smile on my face. Thank you.
posted by INFJ (the astrologer) at 7:33 AM on April 3, 2017


Kinda disappointed there's no "son of minya" title.

At least one draft of the spells list contained "Grasp of Minya", if it's any consolation.
posted by cortex at 7:37 AM on April 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


Mumbling is a skill of mine in real life, too!
posted by KingEdRa (the unfortunate) at 8:09 AM on April 3, 2017


A bladed glove, plutonian boots of confidence, and skilled at regicide? I'll be living up to my name by lunch!
posted by Bibliogeek (the avenger) at 8:26 AM on April 3, 2017


I am bookish IRL, and my whispering gown is freaking gorgeous. I look forward to arranging all of the windows around here!
posted by Sophie1 (the bookish) at 8:35 AM on April 3, 2017


I unleash a Tempest of Fave
posted by ElGuapo (the longshanks) at 8:47 AM on April 3, 2017


I'm the wenchiest.
posted by mudpuppie (the wench) at 8:52 AM on April 3, 2017 [5 favorites]


This is amazing
posted by Memo (the one who fights alone) at 9:05 AM on April 3, 2017


Gosh! It's been a long time since I've won a thread.
posted by Wolfdog (the bruce) at 9:23 AM on April 3, 2017


~~trembles~~
posted by matthewfells (the trembler) at 9:23 AM on April 3, 2017


Please, please let us have a link to these on our profile pages.
posted by ApathyGirl (the greyfell) at 9:28 AM on April 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


it is i...
posted by ShawnString (the philosopher) at 9:31 AM on April 3, 2017


I love my luminous ant and will whisper to all the cats. <3 this is glorious.
posted by olya (the artist-king) at 9:44 AM on April 3, 2017


This is good.
posted by dazed_one (the ancient) at 9:53 AM on April 3, 2017


Seriously-I'm going to have a shirt made up with mine.
posted by hollygoheavy (the merry) at 10:22 AM on April 3, 2017


Apparently I should pay more attention on April first.
posted by GuyZero (the truly fully licensed hairstylist) at 10:28 AM on April 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


Hmm...
posted by candyland at 10:57 AM on April 3, 2017


I'm pretty sure this is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
posted by Andrhia (the synonymous) at 11:06 AM on April 3, 2017


Once upon a time in an alternate universe, I was in fact a cataloger.
posted by apartment dweller (the book-lover) at 11:15 AM on April 3, 2017


Won't someone think of the innocent snakes?
posted by caution live frogs (the edifier) at 11:51 AM on April 3, 2017


Isn't fitted sheet folding a little overpowered?

Take my counsel and fix that in Advanced F&F.
posted by HE Amb. T. S. L. DuVal (the no-counsel) at 12:00 PM on April 3, 2017


Most excellent!
posted by NoraCharles (the glorious) at 12:42 PM on April 3, 2017


Please, please let us have a link to these on our profile pages

I added the link to my About section straightaway.
posted by Johnny Wallflower (the hairy-footed) at 1:02 PM on April 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


I forgot to say this earlier but thank you very much for this.
posted by MCMikeNamara (the red) at 1:28 PM on April 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


I legit almost teared up when I read this line in my bio: "For days, I have been followed by a considerate diprotodon."

I'm so happy that when I'm out having adventures, a considerate diprotodon is following me around! Making sure I'm getting enough sleep, urging me to have a cup of tea, letting me know that it's okay to stop and sit by a mountain stream when the quest becomes overwhelming.

ilu, diprotodon friend.
posted by a fiendish thingy (the etherial) at 1:28 PM on April 3, 2017 [6 favorites]


These are cute.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit (the tough) at 1:29 PM on April 3, 2017


Awesomeness, thanks y'all!
posted by carter (the philosopher) at 1:31 PM on April 3, 2017


Please, please let us have a link to these on our profile pages.


Yeah, mine is so accurate I actually already included a link.
posted by MCMikeNamara (the red) at 1:35 PM on April 3, 2017


"Learned terraforming from a lot of googling."

This is Nice and Accurate.
posted by Reynard Digitalis (the artist-king) at 1:55 PM on April 3, 2017


Not totally sure what's going on here, but "+1 broadsword of petulance" is apt. Thanks guys!
posted by The Minotaur (the enlightened) at 4:31 PM on April 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


I shall disarm all enemies with my tingly crocs and daggers of joke.
posted by acorncup (the fitzempress) at 6:25 PM on April 3, 2017 [1 favorite]


This is beautiful. Not crazy about my title, but who could reroll when it means giving up this skillset:

buttling
numeracy
rhetorical jujitsu

My inner 9-year-old, who used to sneak peeks at the D&D manuals in Sears but would never have been allowed to bring that devil material home, thanks you.
posted by Flannery Culp (the strict) at 6:53 PM on April 3, 2017


Yay!
posted by moons in june (the effervescent) at 8:51 PM on April 3, 2017


Argument elemental
Foam of toxic
Sick burn

etching
reading between the lines
typography

Whoa, it's like ... you know me ...
posted by bluebelle (the effervescent) at 9:17 PM on April 3, 2017


This is amazing!
posted by jjwiseman (the constable prince) at 10:39 PM on April 3, 2017


perfick.
posted by prismatic7 (the philosopher) at 3:49 AM on April 4, 2017


a fiendish thingy, I had to look up what a diprotodon was. As for why it's considerately following your character around, I propose that it's possibly the capybara of its age.
posted by Harald74 (the barn-lock) at 4:27 AM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]


I love this *so much.*
posted by ®@ (the middle) at 5:37 AM on April 4, 2017


Harald74, I completely agree with your assessment-- except the benefit is, my pal is tall enough to rest his chin on my shoulder and whuff encouragingly in my ear when I am feeling low! He's only been with me a day, and I already feel that I would be lost without him.
posted by a fiendish thingy (the etherial) at 6:39 AM on April 4, 2017


hee!
posted by Karmakaze (the coppernose) at 6:49 AM on April 4, 2017


well that was fun
posted by stefnet (the oppressed) at 8:10 AM on April 4, 2017


Man, that was fun and disappointing at the same time. I totes want an RPG to play on the blue :)
posted by trif (the fickle) at 8:52 AM on April 4, 2017


Well this is inaccurate, as none of my skills is Late to Party.
posted by Dormant Gorilla (the bastard scotsman) at 9:39 AM on April 4, 2017 [3 favorites]


I just want to see my whosit.
posted by tracicle (the frenzied) at 9:49 AM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]


Urtylug the Harefoot.

I will find my family Uggs or die trying.
posted by Urtylug (the harefoot) at 11:20 AM on April 4, 2017


I can't even duckduckgo phlebotany but suspect I do this from a dietary perspective regardless.
posted by davemee (the fratricide) at 11:46 AM on April 4, 2017


Man, take a long weekend away from Metafilter and miss the party.

Now my herd of duck-sized horses and I are off to do some cat-herding. I predict success, being god-like and all.
posted by martin q blank (the soldier-king) at 11:53 AM on April 4, 2017


Vaccination must lead to super high voracity
posted by rabbitsnake (the vaccinated) at 1:31 PM on April 4, 2017


Just commenting to see my title
posted by yohko (the avenger) at 2:29 PM on April 4, 2017 [1 favorite]


In much the same way one would call a large man Tiny, I am photoelectric the navigator.

Not all who wander are lost... but sometimes those who wander got lost while trying to navigate and just went with it.
posted by photoelectric (the navigator) at 2:32 PM on April 4, 2017


Skills: making routine phone calls

Are you the one the prophecies spoke of??
posted by knuckle tattoos (the well-beloved) at 2:35 PM on April 4, 2017 [2 favorites]


readying my "empty lawn" spell...
posted by cluebucket (of-the-heads) at 4:25 PM on April 4, 2017


Why yes I do love books. Why yes I was raised by wolves in my castle in the sky.
posted by jessypie (the book-lover) at 6:11 PM on April 4, 2017


Perfect.
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer (the do-nothing) at 6:32 PM on April 4, 2017


Spookily truthful.
posted by Miss Matheson (the bad entertainer) at 6:49 PM on April 4, 2017


How does F&F know I'm really lazy?
posted by carabiner (the indolent) at 7:19 PM on April 4, 2017


it me
posted by rouftop (the quidnunc) at 9:40 PM on April 4, 2017


Glad I didn't miss out on this.
posted by joedan (the caulker) at 11:12 PM on April 4, 2017


i did the thing
posted by juv3nal (the sausage-maker) at 11:41 PM on April 4, 2017


it me
:posted by rouftop (the quidnunc)

*Casts "vote #1 me"*
posted by the quidnunc kid at 11:48 PM on April 4, 2017 [8 favorites]


Oh hell yes.
:posted by rmd1023 (the quidnunc)

So ... if everyone just cycled through their re-rolls until we had about 10,000 quidnuncs, we could ... we would be unstoppable!

Mark thee well, cortex the lackland! Your landless leadership of MetaFilteros shall soon fall - for our army is forming, and shall march to assail your high tower! Yay, and all of Mettle Firth shall be our prize! For Lo: M'thowii himself shall tremble in his outer-world palace, that a horde of quidnuncs shall now rise - and all shall fight, and triumph, and rule - as #1!

BWAH HA HA HA HA!
posted by the quidnunc kid at 2:16 AM on April 5, 2017 [2 favorites]


Test
posted by chmmr (the iron) at 4:03 AM on April 5, 2017


Late to the party, but giving it a try.
posted by Deathalicious (the queen of bees) at 6:02 AM on April 5, 2017


How did I miss this? Too busy tumbling, I guess.
posted by rocket88 (the sailor king) at 7:02 AM on April 5, 2017


I am late, and this is delightful.
posted by EvaDestruction (of-the-heads) at 7:05 AM on April 5, 2017


I am one of the people who learns about stuff on the podcast.
posted by palegirl (the fickle) at 9:03 AM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]


Méfiez-vous des hommes en colère.
posted by pixlboi (the ill-tempered) at 10:02 AM on April 5, 2017


Late, as ever; but here, as ever.
posted by Pecinpah (the executioner) at 10:14 AM on April 5, 2017


I had to stop now that I'm an insidious imperator with a javelin of hedonism, (I gave up being a pirate, powers of turn off the dark and correct pronunciation, but I cannot give up my javelin of hedonism) so I guess now I have to go make a sockpuppet so I can keep rerolling.
posted by catatethebird (the insidious) at 10:58 AM on April 5, 2017


Some things get better with age like wine and .....more wine.
posted by Megafly (the bastard scotsman) at 4:00 PM on April 5, 2017


Well, it's not wrong
posted by Devika (the vain) at 9:11 PM on April 5, 2017


Cheese. Cheese also gets better with age. And goes really well with more wine.
posted by Night_owl (the boneless) at 9:20 PM on April 5, 2017


I'm late and I love it!
posted by Jubey (the desired) at 4:17 AM on April 6, 2017


omg, JUST SAW THIS and it is amazing. I rerolled until I got raised by wolves
posted by aaanastasia (the desired) at 7:45 AM on April 6, 2017 [1 favorite]


ascot of conscience
immaculate set of cufflinks

aww yiss
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:52 AM on April 6, 2017 [1 favorite]


Whoever worked to define the stats: a great touch.
posted by Phredward (the troubadour) at 9:10 AM on April 6, 2017


Apparently the wolves have been busy with their orphan-raising of late.
posted by Nice Guy Mike (the impaler) at 9:53 AM on April 6, 2017


*casts Tornado of Hug*
posted by fast ein Maedchen (the sifaka lemur) at 1:32 PM on April 6, 2017


I just took the second thing I got, because it was p.nice.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo (the wild) at 3:52 PM on April 6, 2017


*makes woolgathering check*
posted by sporkwort (the wild) at 3:54 PM on April 6, 2017


*places a bean shem in his new plate golem*
posted by rum-soaked space hobo (the wild) at 3:59 PM on April 6, 2017


so the old saying goes, God doesn't take away Disc 2 of Season 3 of Arrested Development without giving a copy of Monster's Ball
posted by Dmenet (the victorious) at 4:03 PM on April 6, 2017 [1 favorite]


I am the master of deadgoating.

Fear me.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts (the hopeful) at 6:01 PM on April 6, 2017


Deadgoating without non-ukulele music is harmful to bystanders. You're literally killing them softly with no song. Just sayin'.
posted by Johnny Wallflower (the hairy-footed) at 8:29 PM on April 6, 2017 [2 favorites]


Never fear, for I play ukulele thanks to peer pressure from denizens of this very website.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts (the hopeful) at 8:34 PM on April 6, 2017 [1 favorite]


Oooh...
posted by Xany (the debonaire) at 8:35 PM on April 6, 2017


Boa of googlebombing and empirical tights, my wardrobe is now complete.
posted by Tawny Owl (the broom-plant) at 10:57 PM on April 6, 2017


"Nice Guy Mike [the impaler]" just made me laugh out loud :D

I lost my silky kilt on the first reroll and have been filled with regret since, to the point of indecision. OK, guess I'll take what's offered next.
posted by wallabear (the aetheling) at 8:07 PM on April 7, 2017


Could be worse! Looking forward to using the deletion spell, bless your hearts.
posted by wallabear (the aetheling) at 8:14 PM on April 7, 2017


Oh, plus retroactive labeling of user name. That wasn't on the list...
posted by wallabear (the aetheling) at 8:16 PM on April 7, 2017


One of my spells is dog blizzard... This is just so exciting!
posted by entropyiswinning (the enlightened) at 9:22 PM on April 7, 2017 [3 favorites]


I'm "the disinherited" and I own a cathartic cloak!
posted by KleenexMakesaVeryGoodHat at 3:46 PM on April 8, 2017


I am truly bewildered.
posted by Rabarberofficer (the book-lover) at 6:55 PM on April 8, 2017


My skills match real life!
posted by axiom (the favorited) at 8:50 PM on April 8, 2017


I've forgotten who I am...
posted by ashbury (the leprous) at 9:31 PM on April 8, 2017


Evidently I have a "unbreakable trebuchet of hedonism" in my inventory... That seems about right.
posted by ilama (the outlaw) at 9:58 PM on April 8, 2017


I have a polygonal toque. Possibly a hemi-dodecahedronical igloo.
posted by Rumple (the no-counsel) at 2:46 PM on April 9, 2017


I have rolled my destiny. Come at me, bro.
posted by DarlingBri (the apostate) at 11:53 PM on April 9, 2017


Late to the party, but damn.
posted by Kinbote (the quarreller) at 2:54 AM on April 10, 2017


a 12 in verbosity is one of the most accurate statements anyone has ever made about me
posted by Amanda B (the minus-a-quarter) at 5:51 PM on April 10, 2017


I just want you to know, fate has been kind to me.


Lovely bones.
posted by AlexiaSky (the warlike) at 11:21 PM on April 11, 2017


The only way I was ever going to become a moderator of anything, really.
posted by lumpenprole (the magnificent) at 2:04 PM on April 12, 2017


GRRRRR!!!! GJSGHGLLHBEBEMB. shshhhhhhhh. Baagaaaaawk!

Thus speaks the Barbarian Chicken Whisperer....
posted by ianhorse (the new-day) at 3:44 PM on April 12, 2017


Well, I've never seen a Barbarian Chicken that wispers, so this game keep expanding my horizons.
posted by nubs (of-the-heads) at 4:36 PM on April 12, 2017


Is everybody a chicken whisperer?
posted by Tandem Affinity at 11:37 AM on April 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Why yes, I am sporting my gossamer tanktop of helping!
posted by advicepig (the vaccinated) at 11:50 AM on April 13, 2017


I rolled one with an awesome 26 verbosity score, but just couldn't bring myself to be known as the Fork Beard....
posted by litlnemo (the elbow-high) at 12:29 PM on April 13, 2017


ill-tempered indeed.
posted by fimbulvetr (the ill-tempered) at 12:31 PM on April 13, 2017


I like my dystopian hook item and petard hoisting abilities... is the idea someday we get to do something with these, or it it just a fun round of meta-gaming on metafilter?
posted by SaltySalticid (the tall) at 2:24 PM on April 13, 2017


Skills of correct pronunciation, numeracy, meteorology. OK, who's been tracking me?
posted by mark7570 at 6:38 PM on April 13, 2017


Anyone who knows me knows I really do have a highfalutin fryin pan.
posted by tully_monster (the inexorable) at 8:03 AM on April 14, 2017 [2 favorites]


I'm so pleased with my title.
posted by Made of Star Stuff (the fair sun) at 10:04 PM on April 14, 2017 [2 favorites]


To reroll or not was an agonizing decision.
posted by Cozybee (the queen of bees) at 7:32 PM on April 15, 2017 [3 favorites]


I'm sorry for posting so late in this thread but THAT'S MY NAME OMG!

And I *am* good at copy-editing.
posted by hapaxes.legomenon (the bavarian) at 7:18 AM on April 16, 2017


It's appears you can use the 'back' button so you can go back to an earlier character generated ... at least if my name comes out as 'drnick the minus-a-quarter' here as expected.
posted by drnick (the minus-a-quarter) at 10:25 PM on April 16, 2017 [1 favorite]


I adore this! And I happen to have a vexing x-acto right here on my desk.
posted by culfinglin (the holy) at 8:16 AM on April 17, 2017


Totes Legit.
posted by ooga_booga (the devil) at 3:25 PM on April 18, 2017


wonderful.
posted by honor the agreement (the humanist) at 7:45 AM on April 19, 2017


This works.
posted by delfin (the soldier-king) at 9:33 AM on April 19, 2017


This is delightful.
posted by OntologicalPuppy (the she-wolf) at 12:45 PM on April 19, 2017


Love it.
posted by Wong Fei-hung (the hunger) at 11:41 AM on April 21, 2017


Ah perhaps this isn't the darkest timeline after all.
posted by ~ (the daisy) at 6:36 AM on April 22, 2017 [1 favorite]


'Balaclava of intimidation': Aren't they all, in the right contexts?

'Spells: Net of Argument': Jesus, I've been casting this one all my life. Definitely not fire-and-forget.

'Spells: Fire Golem':

Thanks for coming in, Mr. Golem. It's difficult for us to have this conversation, of course, but you cannot but be aware of your poor performance of late. We've tried to give you as much leeway as allowable, but really, after your attempt to steal the Lich's phylactry, well... Management thinks that you'll be much happier, and find much more fulfillment outside our organization. You'll be happy to know that you're getting a full severance package, your PTO will be converted, and you'll still receive this year's bonus, contingent, of course on your signing this severance notice. I have some logistics to go over with you, of course: I'll need your badge and keys to the desk and locker. If you have any particular access that you've neglected to mention in quarterly reports, we'll need to know about that, of course. All of your regular bashing duties have been handed off to the Orcs and Trolls division - they'll take good care of your projects. I know that you and the Storm Giants were particularly close, so if you want to take a few minutes to linger there, no one will mind, but we really do need you to clean out your desk by close of business today. I just want you to know, Golem, that I really appreciate all you've done here, and I honestly think we're parting on good terms. Don't think of this as an ending - think of it as a wonderful new start! Feel free to use me as a personal reference if you wish, but, uh, during future interviews, probably keep the Lich's phylactry episode, shall we say, under wraps.
posted by eclectist at 4:20 PM on April 24, 2017 [12 favorites]


neato!
posted by garlic (the iron) at 7:10 PM on April 24, 2017


I've clearly been too busy, because I just noticed this today. Amazing.
posted by Schismatic (the moneybags) at 1:00 PM on April 28, 2017


it's certainly a thing.
posted by kzin602 (the sluggard) at 7:14 PM on April 29, 2017


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