Did you try the medicine drug?

September 14, 2013 12:52 PM

Someone made robocop is bleeding's infamous generic House script into a gif.
posted by bobobox to MetaFilter-Related at 12:52 PM (137 comments total)

Delightful!

also it has a typo not in the original!
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:56 PM on September 14, 2013 [10 favorites]

This vexes pleases me.

FTFM.
posted by cgc373 at 12:57 PM on September 14, 2013 [4 favorites]

That was several kinds of vexing awesome!
posted by rtha at 1:06 PM on September 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

I added a comment (at imgur) regarding the source of the text.

Imgur doesn't like links in comments. This vexes me.
posted by deborah at 1:21 PM on September 14, 2013

This comment also contains the word "vex."
posted by that's how you get ants at 1:58 PM on September 14, 2013 [7 favorites]

I am part of this thread.
posted by rmd1023 at 2:15 PM on September 14, 2013 [12 favorites]

As it happens, many patients really do need mouse bites to live.
posted by The White Hat at 2:19 PM on September 14, 2013 [8 favorites]

I have not typed in a while. Also we played Scrabble. We almost beat our combined best score. Today we are very smart.


In other news I have a sore thumb. Serum, anyone?
posted by Namlit at 2:20 PM on September 14, 2013

I TOO AM IN THIS THREAD
posted by elizardbits at 2:32 PM on September 14, 2013 [20 favorites]

oh yay. Sometimes I look at that comment when feeling down just to get a laugh. It's one of my favorites. That and the person with a cat named Pineapple or something who burned her whiskers off trying to bite a candle flame.
posted by sweetkid at 2:43 PM on September 14, 2013 [2 favorites]

I need mouse bite to comment.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:59 PM on September 14, 2013

Like cures like! That mouse bite is serum made of mouse bites that have been diluted, diluted again, and re-diluted a few more times until it's just psychic echoes of mouse bite, right?
posted by Sys Rq at 3:13 PM on September 14, 2013 [3 favorites]

[changing channel to Cat Town]
posted by not_on_display at 3:17 PM on September 14, 2013 [9 favorites]

Aw, it left out a couple lines:

PATIENT: I would rather not be sick.
HOUSE: You are stupid too. Did you take stupid drug?

I guess patient is too stupid to rather not be sick?
posted by limeonaire at 3:25 PM on September 14, 2013 [3 favorites]

I forbid you to comment.
posted by arcticseal at 4:25 PM on September 14, 2013

I am not a black man.
posted by cjorgensen at 4:32 PM on September 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

You can tell I'm going to die because I have some character details in the first act and a mention in the credits.
posted by The Whelk at 5:18 PM on September 14, 2013

But how do we stop robocop is bleeding from bleeding?
posted by crossoverman at 5:51 PM on September 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

yea the bleeding vexes me
posted by sweetkid at 5:54 PM on September 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

But how can House solve a case without having his minions break into someone's residence and look through their belongings? 'Inspection of the underwear drawer' is an important part of any suite of diagnostic tests.
posted by rmd1023 at 6:00 PM on September 14, 2013 [7 favorites]

That and the person with a cat named Pineapple or something who burned her whiskers off trying to bite a candle flame.

Link? Please?
posted by vegartanipla at 6:06 PM on September 14, 2013

I just tried looking and couldn't find it. I'm sure someone else remembers.
posted by sweetkid at 6:09 PM on September 14, 2013

I don't have mouse bites and can't get any mouse serum [drool?!] because I'm using a laptop with a trackpad. Will I die, Herr Doktor House?
posted by wenestvedt at 6:11 PM on September 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

Hey, I come into a thread about my favorite comment about one of my favorite shows and people are asking about my cat? Her name was Beru as in Luke Skywalker's aunt, though, so maybe there's a different whisker burning cat out there.
posted by artychoke at 6:32 PM on September 14, 2013 [10 favorites]

No it was totally your cat! No idea where I got Pineapple.
posted by sweetkid at 6:33 PM on September 14, 2013

robocop is bleeding bleeds no more, thanks to mouse bites.
posted by double block and bleed at 6:34 PM on September 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

double block and bleed: "robocop is bleeding bleeds no more, thanks to mouse bites."

Euphonysterical. I know. That joke didn't have House as a doctor and was bagged and tagged long ago.
posted by double block and bleed at 6:39 PM on September 14, 2013

how do we stop robocop is bleeding from bleeding?

All bleeding eventually stops.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:54 PM on September 14, 2013 [8 favorites]

The main thing I got out of that gif is that Hugh Laurie is very handsome and I like him for it.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 7:07 PM on September 14, 2013 [4 favorites]

No it was totally your cat! No idea where I got Pineapple.I'm glad you like my cat stories! Maybe you thought of pineapple because my username is also prickly food.
posted by artychoke at 7:08 PM on September 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

I have not spoken in awhile.
posted by jquinby at 7:14 PM on September 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

artychoke's cat made me laugh but probably gave me the fire-eating disease.
posted by teremala at 7:29 PM on September 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

In a shocking twist, one of these comments really does have Lupus.
posted by Dr. Zira at 7:48 PM on September 14, 2013 [16 favorites]

The main thing I got out of that gif is that Hugh Laurie is very handsome and I like him for it.

Indeed.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:49 PM on September 14, 2013 [4 favorites]

I've never watched a full episode of House but still feel that was a brilliant deconstruction of my preconceived idea of the show. I wonder how it was written, just stream-of-consciousness perhaps, which is my style but breaking down a 45 minute show in that many succinct bits would be pretty amazing to pull off in one go...? In any case, I hope robocopy is bleeding gets full writing props for the GIF if it "goes viral" (or, if not).
posted by lordaych at 7:53 PM on September 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

Man, I knew that Sys Rq's "Indeed" would either link to another picture of Handsome Hugh Laurie or a picture of Hugh Laurie in Blackadder, and - wouldn't you know it -
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 8:44 PM on September 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

HOUSE: No! Hygiene drug will kill Patient! He needs mouse bites Robert Downey Jr. bites to live!
posted by limeonaire at 9:28 PM on September 14, 2013 [4 favorites]

This is very fine.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:30 PM on September 14, 2013

I did try the medicine drug!
posted by RainyJay at 10:33 PM on September 14, 2013

I'm in the next episode,on the bus with the roots.
posted by mannequito at 11:01 PM on September 14, 2013

In a shocking twist, one of these comments really does have Lupus

Oh god, is it mine? Is my comment going to die?
posted by Ghidorah at 11:09 PM on September 14, 2013 [9 favorites]

how do we stop robocop is bleeding from bleeding?

All bleeding eventually stops.

Great. A challenge.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:51 PM on September 14, 2013 [3 favorites]

It sounds like patient has lupus.
posted by chavenet at 2:53 AM on September 15, 2013

The lupus patient needs louse mites.
posted by taz (staff) at 3:32 AM on September 15, 2013

The viral gif is spreading and mouse bites only make it worse!
posted by drlith at 3:58 AM on September 15, 2013

Still waiting for that call, Hollywood.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:11 AM on September 15, 2013 [41 favorites]

Red is not a great color for text over a photo.
posted by blue_beetle at 5:55 AM on September 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

Does it vex you?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:27 AM on September 15, 2013

I'm terribly vexed. /justcommodusthings
posted by The Whelk at 7:31 AM on September 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Sarcoidosis explains everything.
posted by paulsc at 7:47 AM on September 15, 2013

In the not too distant future, there will be a young person who sees robocop is bleeding's name and thinks, "Oh yeah, it's from that movie that came out last year."
posted by ODiV at 8:06 AM on September 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Holy shit. I just realized that now both parts of his name have a Gary Oldman connection.
posted by ODiV at 8:08 AM on September 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

When I was 23 I got seriously sick. I got tested for leprosy, sickle cell anemia, HIV, Lupus, Wagner's, and yes, sarcoidosis. I had my lungs biopsied, my eyes biopsied (that was some serious Clockwork Orange shit). It was exactly like an episode of house, except it lasted for 9 days and they never did figure it out. Eventually they gave up diagnosing and just started treating symptoms. I went from months of agony to wanting to go CD shopping within a few hours.

No rat bites though.
posted by cjorgensen at 8:15 AM on September 15, 2013 [10 favorites]

You're saying it wasn't Lupus?
posted by ersatz at 8:50 AM on September 15, 2013 [8 favorites]

One day I broke my foot and came hobbling in to my office with a cane after morning rounds. By the next morning, there was a poster sized photo of Hugh Laurie hanging on the wall in my office. Apparently, my staff had already been referring to me as House, more because of my curmudgeonly condescension and suspected Vicodin addiction* than my clinical acumen, and the appearance of the cane blew minds.

This vexes me.


For the record, I am *not* addicted to Vicodin, in case the Medical Quality Assurance Commission is snooping on me again
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:15 AM on September 15, 2013 [27 favorites]

Today I was bitten hard on the hand by a cat. Now my hand hurts.
posted by flabdablet at 10:36 AM on September 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Holy cow flabdabet I know this isn't AskMe but please see a doctor cat bites are dangerous. They might need to give you the medicine drug.
posted by winna at 10:56 AM on September 15, 2013 [8 favorites]

I was going to say that too, because I am also in this thread. Still, at least it wasn't a møøse. Møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:59 AM on September 15, 2013 [8 favorites]

Holy cow flabdabet I know this isn't AskMe but please see a doctor cat bites are dangerous. They might need to give you the medicine drug.

No! The medicine drug would kill you! You need the mouse bite drug to lure the cat bite out of you. Preferably in a high-pressure environment. Unless you need a low-pressure environment. They will put you in one, and it will either cure you, or you will go into convulsions, so they know it is the other one, and switch the lever. Which will be broken until the last commercial break.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:20 AM on September 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

I remember reading this a long time ago - it's great, and, bar the use of normal human spelling, is actually kind of a great forerunner to CRIMER.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 12:00 PM on September 15, 2013 [9 favorites]

HI IM THAT ONE NEW DOCTOR BUT I LIKE OBAMA SO WHOOPS NOW IM DEAD
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:01 PM on September 15, 2013 [6 favorites]

This patient is hard for me, because it stirs emotions.
posted by The Whelk at 12:11 PM on September 15, 2013

I am not a black man, but I agree that cat bites are dangerous and you should see a doctor.
posted by sweetkid at 12:16 PM on September 15, 2013

Slarty Bartfast: "By the next morning, there was a poster sized photo of Hugh Laurie hanging on the wall in my office."

I favorite because I love. Also have also never watched House.
posted by stet at 12:28 PM on September 15, 2013

It's never lupus.
posted by cjorgensen at 12:45 PM on September 15, 2013

I've never watched a full episode of House...
-and-
Also have also never watched House.

What? Hie thee forthwith to Netflix or your local video rental store or any video-acquisition and viewing device of your choice and get on that. So good (albeit a bit formulaic, as illustrated by robocop is bleeding's hilarious comment) but still. So good. I cried (literally) at the last episode.
posted by hapax_legomenon at 12:51 PM on September 15, 2013

I thought it went downhill after the first few seasons, but I still think it's awesome. Well, until he became a total fucking psychopath. I regret watching the last two seasons.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:48 PM on September 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

I remember reading this a long time ago - it's great, and, bar the use of normal human spelling, is actually kind of a great forerunner to CRIMER.

Oh god this is amazing.
posted by winna at 2:05 PM on September 15, 2013

Years ago, I had surgery for a herniated disc in my lower back. I was lucky enough to almost immediately come down with a severe staph infection that required a week's stay in the hospital with two pencil sized needles in my back to drain the bad stuff, followed by a month of daily antibiotics fed into a shunt into my jugular. It wasn't the best of times. Then again, they gave me morphine! I thought, hey, morphine! But then I found out that my body doesn't like morphine, after being repeatedly and violently pukey.

So they gave me a months supply of vicodin. Vicodin did absolutely nothing for any of the pain I felt. It didn't dull it, it didn't stop it. And then, at the end of the month, with no more vicodin, I got to go through withdrawal. In short, I have absolutely no idea why people are so enamored with it, but I wholeheartedly understand how difficult it is to stop using it. Stupid drug.

Now demerol, on the other hand. One shot of that at the beginning of my back troubles made me pain free for days...
posted by Ghidorah at 3:14 PM on September 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

This is Greg House. I look at House, and I wonder why.
posted by b33j at 3:50 PM on September 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Go see Doctor Cat. Stat!
posted by blue_beetle at 5:05 PM on September 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

If you don't like Vicodin too much you're probably not trying hard enough.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:09 PM on September 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

Dr. Tiny Housecat bites mouse bites mouse.
posted by drlith at 6:26 PM on September 15, 2013

Still, at least it wasn't a møøse. Møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti.

Hey, we can all get a little frisky when we've had one too many.
posted by homunculus at 6:53 PM on September 15, 2013

No rat bites though.

Well there's your problem...
posted by biscotti at 6:57 PM on September 15, 2013

If you don't like Vicodin too much you're probably not trying hard enough.

Ugh it made me both nauseated and have hallucinations. While it was vaguely diverting to think I had to feed a pet hamster I didn't own in a closet that wasn't there, the sporadic dry heaves made it not worth it. The wisdom teeth fairy didn't give me any money, either, it was a farce.
posted by winna at 7:50 PM on September 15, 2013 [5 favorites]

Hand still sore and starting to look a little pink and puffy despite yesterday's good scrub and making to bleed and much hot salty soaking. I will inquire at the doctor hospital.
posted by flabdablet at 9:26 PM on September 15, 2013 [5 favorites]

Yes, inquire of the medicine doctor quickly. Cellulitis is no joke and cannot be cured with mouse bites.
posted by rtha at 10:04 PM on September 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

flabdablet update once the doctor hospital gives you the medicine drug, because that doesn't sound good at all. Hopefully you can just take the medicine drug with your mouth parts and not need to have it squirted directly inside your body.
posted by KathrynT at 11:02 PM on September 15, 2013 [7 favorites]

At the doctor hospital a nurse observed my blood pressure! It is down since last time. Then a medicine doctor examined my hand. He said: you have scrubbed and soaked that bite very well. It looks very clean but you need two medicine drugs.

I got a needle injection. Now I will not get tetanus. I got a scrip for tablet pills. Now I will not get cellulitis.

The tablet pills are very big. I got ten of them for $5.90 from the chemist pharmacy.
posted by flabdablet at 4:02 AM on September 16, 2013 [14 favorites]

Some tablets are paid for by size...

Your doctor hospital-experience's general outcome sounds quite satisfactory. But you will have to make sure not to choke on those big tablet pills, or you might have to be driven by ambulance car to a bigger doctor hospital, or even to a sad-dudes-in-black house located in the urban sprawl area of your hometown.
posted by Namlit at 5:07 AM on September 16, 2013 [1 favorite]

Tablet pills! I am glad the doctor hospital was not vexed, and also that you did not have to have mouse bites! It would be neat if mouse bites cured cats bites, but it sounds like tablet pill and needle injections are better. Good thing too it was not lupus (it's never lupus).
posted by rtha at 5:34 AM on September 16, 2013 [3 favorites]

It is vexing to me that a medicine doctor would even consider mouse bites as a cure to cat bites. Please refer to this marker board I have put up in our hospital work meeting break room and focus your eye pupils on the left side chart. Do not pay attention to the right side chart written in blue marker pen. It is a rude drawing of a notable hospital administrator doctor person. And when I state to not pay attention to it, I mean to not pay attention to it after you have acknowledged its rude and tactless nature and how that comments upon my character.

As you can see from the left side chart, there is a progression regarding mammal tooth bites. As simple creatures, mouse bites can cure mouse bites, but as creatures get more evolved complex, more advanced procedures are required.

This is basic medicine science here, people.

For a cat bite, you need bites that are at least two iterations above it. So skip dog bites and requisition a bear from the zoo prison. If you do not, I will be forced to attend a circus performance and acquire a bear there. This bear will likely be accompanied by a guest bear tamer who will introduce wise whimsy to your personal situations.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:47 AM on September 16, 2013 [12 favorites]

This cat is in this thread wondering about Lupus.
Does it need mouse bites.
I am confused.
posted by adamvasco at 6:26 AM on September 16, 2013 [1 favorite]

Circus animals have lost most of their counter venom healibility stuff power, versus natural animals found in nature like environments.
posted by Namlit at 6:37 AM on September 16, 2013

As it happens, many patients really do need mouse bites to live.

Ah, Uncle Buck therapy!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 6:45 AM on September 16, 2013

My wife finally got me to start watching House, and we've been chewing through it at about two episodes per day for the last couple of weeks.

And as much as I'm enjoying it (and I very much am), I'm embarrassed to admit how often I say "He needs mouse bites to live!" under my breath.

That's one of those comments that didn't just stick with me, it moved in, made it self comfortable, started rearranging the furniture in my head and is now a permanent resident.
posted by quin at 7:27 AM on September 16, 2013 [10 favorites]

I am glad of the tablet pills and hope the medicine drug will be efficacious!

I'll just keep this mixture of white bull's blood and the milk of a black cow handy in case you need to drink it while I do the chant in which I threaten to upset the barque of the sun if you don't get well.

This should be of great use, particularly after you've had the medicine drug.
posted by winna at 7:35 AM on September 16, 2013 [1 favorite]

That's one of those comments that didn't just stick with me, it moved in, made it self comfortable, started rearranging the furniture in my head and is now a permanent resident.

So, you could say that you were bitten by the comment bug?
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 7:38 AM on September 16, 2013

In the not too distant future, there will be a young person who sees robocop is bleeding's name and thinks, "Oh yeah, it's from that movie that came out last year."

Well, in the grim darkness of the far future there is only war.

So... you know... could be worse.
posted by Naberius at 8:11 AM on September 16, 2013

I'll just keep this mixture of white bull's blood and the milk of a black cow handy in case you need to drink it while I do the chant in which I threaten to upset the barque of the sun if you don't get well.

I am now kind of hoping for Sir Gregory House, Alchemist, a new series where he cures Elizabethan diseases by application of the Philosopher's Stone and Wilson accidentally gets turned to lead. The series will end with Sir House being rude to the queen, who commutes his sentence of being buried alive to hanging because, after all, he cured her of gout or something.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:17 AM on September 16, 2013 [11 favorites]

I got a scrip for tablet pills. Now I will not get cellulitis.

flabdablet, I would be remiss if I didn't note for the record and your own medical health reasons that the scrip isn't enough to make you not get cellulitis.

You also need to take the scrip to the drug pharmacist to get the tablet pills. Then you need to read the drug words on the container bottle and eat the tablet pills with your nomming mouth in the way the drug words say to eat them.

If you do not eat the tablet pills, your hand will vex you, and you will not go to space that day.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:06 AM on September 16, 2013 [4 favorites]

The metafilter website has improved my think knowledge of Doctor medicine today day. All is well good.
posted by blue_beetle at 10:21 AM on September 16, 2013 [2 favorites]

You also need to take the scrip to the drug pharmacist to get the tablet pills. Then you need to read the drug words on the container bottle and eat the tablet pills with your nomming mouth in the way the drug words say to eat them.

Everyone at my occupation work is wondering why I am speak talking even more oddly than usual this day.

THANKS OBAMA.
posted by winna at 11:29 AM on September 16, 2013 [7 favorites]

winna every time I see your username I think about spiders typing in your stead, because of this thread.
posted by sweetkid at 11:35 AM on September 16, 2013 [1 favorite]

"You fool nurse. This is medicine for a different illness from this one."
posted by Errant at 11:55 AM on September 16, 2013 [3 favorites]

artychoke, yours is one of my favorite comments. I think of it whenever I open a fridge with some space in it (which is very much not my fridge, like, ever). Every once in a while I unfavorite and re-favorite it just so it shows up again and I have the delight of reading it once more.
posted by maryr at 12:15 PM on September 16, 2013 [4 favorites]

Wait, so is the tone of the script, that everyone's talking in, reminiscent of something in particular?
posted by Omnomnom at 12:18 PM on September 16, 2013

Then you need to read the drug words on the container bottle and eat the tablet pills with your nomming mouth in the way the drug words say to eat them.

They words say nothing about a mouth!
posted by cjorgensen at 12:22 PM on September 16, 2013 [1 favorite]

winna every time I see your username I think about spiders typing in your stead, because of this thread.

One of my tiny eight-legged friends has bit me on my hand this day. I have a bump which I am monitoring as even though I love the arachnidae I go in fear of the brown recluse.

So I am slightly less pro-spider than usual. That is how you know it is me and not the spiders typing this message!
posted by winna at 1:43 PM on September 16, 2013

I go in fear of the brown recluse.

Your fear can be ameliorated somewhat by the knowledge that recovery from a brown recluse bite might just be a stun gun zap away.

(Seriously, the idea that something so weird can work reinvigorates my faith in the inherent strangeness of our universe.)
posted by quin at 1:49 PM on September 16, 2013 [1 favorite]

Whoa I think it speaks to how scary brown recluse bites are that buying a stun gun as a treatment is seen as a good option. I wonder what people in Australia do when bit by their terrifying spiders - throw themselves into lava?

Wait, so is the tone of the script, that everyone's talking in, reminiscent of something in particular?

The 'this day' thing reminds me of the arsonist from Arrested Development when he is exhorting people to buy treats from the Banana Stand.
posted by winna at 1:54 PM on September 16, 2013 [4 favorites]

> I am now kind of hoping for Sir Gregory House, Alchemist, a new series where he cures Elizabethan diseases by application of the Philosopher's Stone

Now I must link to Theodoric of York: Medieval Barber. (Transcript only, because videos have apparently been placed under an anathema.)
posted by languagehat at 3:00 PM on September 16, 2013 [5 favorites]

You also need to take the scrip to the drug pharmacist to get the tablet pills. Then you need to read the drug words on the container bottle and eat the tablet pills with your nomming mouth in the way the drug words say to eat them.

I went straight from the doctor hospital to the chemist pharmacy. The drug pharmacist gave me a pager! I waited for the medicine drug. It came in a box. There were four A4 pages of instructions. I have kept this leaflet with the medicine! It is not expired! It is not damaged! I am not breastfeeding! I have eaten a tablet pill immediately before or with the first mouthful of food two times. I do not have severe blisters and bleeding of the lips, eyes, mouth, nose and genitals!
posted by flabdablet at 5:41 PM on September 16, 2013 [5 favorites]

"You fool nurse. This is medicine for a different illness from this one."

"No, see, that solution is for a different problem than the one I have."
posted by limeonaire at 5:48 PM on September 16, 2013 [1 favorite]

Has the cat bite grown less alarming in appearance looking since you took the tablet pills?

Also you should tell us about this cat that is such a jerk it goes about biting people. You should explain to it that it's not a tiger and should only bite pounce cat treats and similar.
posted by winna at 6:03 PM on September 16, 2013 [3 favorites]

Wait, so is the tone of the script, that everyone's talking in, reminiscent of something in particular?

Up Goer Five.
posted by stebulus at 7:16 PM on September 16, 2013 [5 favorites]

I CONTAIN MULTITUDES.
posted by maryr at 8:26 PM on September 16, 2013 [1 favorite]

Amateur cat head psychology doctor person speaking here: Cats have anger management issues, built into their mouthpart sharp extensions. Keep your tablet pills handy at all times.
posted by Namlit at 1:08 AM on September 17, 2013

There was an old lady who was bit by a fly.
I don't know why she was bit by a fly.
I think she'll die.

There was an old lady who was bit by a spider
To cure the fly venom that ravaged inside 'er.
I don't know why she was bit by a fly.
I think she'll die.

There was an old lady who was bit by a mouse
The mouse bite prescribed by the wise Doctor House
To fight the infection she got from the spider
That cured the fly venom that ravaged insider 'er.
I don't know why she was bit by a fly.
I think she'll die.

There was an old lady who was bit by a cat
Forbes was quite vexed he did not think of that
To heal the bite of the pestilent mouse
Whose bite was prescribed by the odd Doctor House
To fight the infection she got from the spider
That cured the fly venom that ravaged insider 'er.
I don't know why she was bit by a fly.
I think she'll die.

There was an old lady who was bit by a monkey
Cuddy said "No! Are you crazy, you junkie?
The monkey bite will worsen the bite of the cat
The medical review board will fire whoever thought of that
To heal the bite of the pestilent mouse
Whose bite was prescribed by you, drug-addled House!
To fight the infection she got from the spider
That cured the fly venom that ravaged insider 'er.
You need to know why she was bit by a fly
Or else she'll die."

So Chase went to visit the lady's apartment
To research the fly bite and hopefully prevent
The need to resort to the bite of a monkey
Suggested by that crazy Doctor House junkie
Which surely would worsen the bite of the cat
Still Forbes was vexed he did not think of that
To heal the bite of the pestilent mouse
Whose bite was prescribed by the drug-addled House
To fight the infection she got from the spider
That cured the fly venom that ravaged insider 'er.
There Chase found clues to why she was bit by a fly;
She may not die.

House studied the clues that his student had found
"It was caused by this fly-bite attracting compound
The lady had stored in her very apartment
That Chase has ransacked for clues hoping to prevent
The need to resort to the bite of a monkey
That I had suggested, though I'm not a junkie
Indeed it would worsen the bite of the cat
Which Forbes is still vexed he did not think of that
To heal the bite of the pestilent mouse
Whose bite was prescribed by myself, Doctor House
To fight the infection she got from the spider
That cured the fly venom that ravaged insider 'er.
Just give her a dose of the antidote delurzaflize
And she won't die.

Then there was another doctor who appeared on the screen.
It was Wilson's only scene.
posted by drlith at 4:44 AM on September 17, 2013 [28 favorites]

Has the cat bite grown less alarming in appearance looking since you took the tablet pills?

Now my injury bite is not so pink. It only hurts when I poke it. The tablet pills are the right medicine drug!

Also you should tell us about this cat that is such a jerk it goes about biting people

The cat is big! His name is Bunny. Heather lives at his house. I went there to fix her computer. Bunny is grey. He is very heavy! He is not fat! Maybe his mother is a panther!

Bunny has been biting his new housemate. She is a small cat. I found out Bunny does not like to be picked up and flipped over on his back! He is not good for corporal cuddling!

When I return to the house I will get camera photos.
posted by flabdablet at 8:44 AM on September 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

I haven't said anything in a while.
posted by Mister_A at 9:09 AM on September 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

I haven't said anything in a while.

You have fixed this.

I haven't either.
posted by RainyJay at 9:11 AM on September 17, 2013

My husband man notices that it is funny to read these comment sentences in the talking voice of medicine Doctor Zoidberg.
posted by artychoke at 10:40 AM on September 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

Once again the tablet-pill-heavy portfolio pays off for the ouchy investor!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:43 AM on September 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

Now my injury bite is not so pink. It only hurts when I poke it

My write-down advice is to not poke it for a while. This usually is good advice.
posted by Namlit at 10:51 AM on September 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

I have not poked it for a while! Now it does not hurt.
posted by flabdablet at 11:00 AM on September 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

You are a most diligent patient person indeed.
posted by Namlit at 11:06 AM on September 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

This comment-thread has been brought to you by Big Tablet-Pill!
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:31 AM on September 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Hyphen dashes in interruption commercial breaks vex me.
posted by flabdablet at 11:38 AM on September 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

Thanks for this MetaTalk post, without which I would not have understood this comment.

(Checks imgur page) over a quarter of a million views in three days?! Seriously, Robocop is bleeding should be scripting for the movie industry.
posted by Wordshore at 12:05 PM on September 17, 2013

Oh dear. He WAS fine. Now he's poorly from too much electric.
posted by like_a_friend at 12:26 PM on September 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Needs some bear bites pronto.
posted by Namlit at 2:54 PM on September 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Seriously, Robocop is bleeding should be scripting for the movie industry.

Totally. Writer's Blocked scriptwriters, all it takes is a pocketful of cash for booze or better and I'll pitch ideas at you for six hours. I mean, I just quit my job. I could use the side business.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:32 PM on September 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

(uses stare) HIRE HIM.
posted by JHarris at 12:28 AM on September 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

When I fell asleep last night, I was obsessing about a generic Lost script. Argh.
posted by Namlit at 1:18 AM on September 18, 2013

I'm betting that robocop is bleeding could script the next Bruckheimer movie in 5 mins.
posted by arcticseal at 1:38 AM on September 18, 2013

My husband man notices that it is funny to read these comment sentences in the talking voice of medicine Doctor Zoidberg.

His doctorate is in Art History!
posted by Elementary Penguin at 2:23 AM on September 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Did he try the art history drug?
posted by flabdablet at 4:30 AM on September 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

I'm betting that robocop is bleeding could script the next Bruckheimer movie in 5 mins.

Does that require actual work?

OPENING SHOT: date and time in MICR-like font with high pitched buzzes and beeps
SFX: massive explosion
SFX: truly astounding explosion
SFX: absolutely titanic explosion (slo-mo)
SFX: firestorm
SFX: burst pipework, high pressure steam, klaxons
HERO (sweating yet steely): Get me the President!
SFX: explosions
SFX: explosions
SFX: explosions
SFX: explosions
SFX: explosions
SFX: explosions
CLOSING CREDITS
posted by flabdablet at 4:50 AM on September 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

You forgot the shot of the female character looking emotionally after the male hero who is going off to do a heroic thing.
posted by rmd1023 at 7:53 AM on September 18, 2013

Also, insert:
CHARACTER ACTOR: Wakka-wakka, paycheck please!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:51 AM on September 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Those go in later, on the Director's Cut DVD.
posted by flabdablet at 9:39 AM on September 18, 2013

(according to the studio, they didn't test well)
posted by flabdablet at 9:45 AM on September 18, 2013

I am a black man. It vexes less than would be supposed.

Congrats on yr internet meta-fame, RIB.
posted by Minus215Cee at 10:14 AM on September 18, 2013

I have not poked it for a while! Now it does not hurt.

Have you placed all of the medicine drug tablets into your mouth parts in accordance with the words on paper? Much vexing can occur otherwise.
posted by shiny blue object at 2:14 PM on September 21, 2013

wanting to go CD shopping within a few hours.

No rat bites though.

No rat bite, sure, but what was the bit rate?
posted by sourwookie at 9:40 PM on September 22, 2013 [1 favorite]