Substantiating AskMeFi comments October 21, 2012 2:04 PM Subscribe
Quick question about protocol on the human relationships section of AskMeFi. If someone asks a question there which can potentially be answered by just a yes/no answer, is it okay to just answer it with a yes/no, or should one always add reasoning to your answer?
Asking as I just did a yes/no reply on one; typed out reasons why but on reading, thought what I typed was a little too extreme and counter-productive. But now, on seeing the detailed answers of every other person who has commented (pretty much all of us in agreement so far), I'm wondering if the original poster will see it, think "Okay. But why?" and deem it unhelpful. Feeling a bit bad about this.
Or another way of looking at it, maybe I shouldn't have commented at all, as answering with just a yes/no reduces my input to an over-simplistic "vote"?
Asking as I just did a yes/no reply on one; typed out reasons why but on reading, thought what I typed was a little too extreme and counter-productive. But now, on seeing the detailed answers of every other person who has commented (pretty much all of us in agreement so far), I'm wondering if the original poster will see it, think "Okay. But why?" and deem it unhelpful. Feeling a bit bad about this.
Or another way of looking at it, maybe I shouldn't have commented at all, as answering with just a yes/no reduces my input to an over-simplistic "vote"?
Add reasoning. Unless it's a sort of "I'm taking a poll" sort of question which are usually against the rules anyhow we want people to say more than just Yes or No. I deleted your answer, please feel free to repost with more information.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:07 PM on October 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:07 PM on October 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
There are plenty of AskMes (even, perhaps especially, in the human relations section) where the asker is pretty clearly just looking for permission to do something, in which case there really isn't much more to add besides Yes or No. However, those askers are not really looking for a simple Yes or No vote, and will almost certainly ignore such an answer. So there's no point to doing it.
posted by Etrigan at 2:10 PM on October 21, 2012
posted by Etrigan at 2:10 PM on October 21, 2012
Your elaboration is how you prove you know what you're talking about (and entertain your fellow MeFites.)
posted by michaelh at 2:11 PM on October 21, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by michaelh at 2:11 PM on October 21, 2012 [7 favorites]
Cortex, Jessamyn. Thanks; done.
Michaelh "Your elaboration is how you prove you know what you're talking about" Ah yes that makes perfect sense. Cheers.
posted by Wordshore at 2:18 PM on October 21, 2012
Michaelh "Your elaboration is how you prove you know what you're talking about" Ah yes that makes perfect sense. Cheers.
posted by Wordshore at 2:18 PM on October 21, 2012
No.
posted by HuronBob at 2:30 PM on October 21, 2012 [20 favorites]
posted by HuronBob at 2:30 PM on October 21, 2012 [20 favorites]
I don't think favorites are the most important thing or anything, but they can be a useful pressure valve for these kinds of situations, at least in my experience. When I read a question and the very fiber of my existence screams out NO! to the point where I must register my opinion, and yet I can't think of anything beyond that to say, I just read through the thread and find whomever stated my NO! most clearly and cohesively and click the little [+], thenceforth happy to move on to whatever's next.
posted by koeselitz at 2:35 PM on October 21, 2012 [15 favorites]
posted by koeselitz at 2:35 PM on October 21, 2012 [15 favorites]
I've had a couple of yes/no answers deleted in the past. It's always surprised me, especially as the brevity was part of my message and reasoning. But thatay have been what lead to the deletion.
posted by OmieWise at 3:11 PM on October 21, 2012
posted by OmieWise at 3:11 PM on October 21, 2012
And again, we don't understand human behavior or basic empathy.
If you think someone's complex personal problem can be boiled down to "yes" or "no," and better yet feel that this dismissively marginal answer is part of a larger, invisible "message" you're sending them, maybe just don't answer.
posted by drjimmy11 at 3:16 PM on October 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
If you think someone's complex personal problem can be boiled down to "yes" or "no," and better yet feel that this dismissively marginal answer is part of a larger, invisible "message" you're sending them, maybe just don't answer.
posted by drjimmy11 at 3:16 PM on October 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
I always always always have to fight the urge to answer Yes in the askme questions where the asker wants to learn how to do something but asks "has anyone ever..." or "does anyone know how to..."
Fortunately I'm able to keep my jerkiness to myself most of the time.
posted by Balonious Assault at 3:33 PM on October 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
Fortunately I'm able to keep my jerkiness to myself most of the time.
posted by Balonious Assault at 3:33 PM on October 21, 2012 [1 favorite]
the brevity was part of my message and reasoning
A one-word answer is incapable of conveying either.
posted by Egg Shen at 4:44 PM on October 21, 2012
A one-word answer is incapable of conveying either.
posted by Egg Shen at 4:44 PM on October 21, 2012
You could just flip a coin if all you're looking for is a simple yes/no answer to a question. You post a question on AskMe, you're looking for more feedback than that.
I'm with you on having to watch out for long-winded explanations, though. I edit like crazy to try to avoid this, and frequently fail.
Of course, sometimes I edit too much and that leads to hurt feelings or misunderstandings, too, but you can get that just by not editing enough anyway.
For instance, if I were drjimmy11, I would have edited the first sentence of his comment right out!
posted by misha at 4:50 PM on October 21, 2012
I'm with you on having to watch out for long-winded explanations, though. I edit like crazy to try to avoid this, and frequently fail.
Of course, sometimes I edit too much and that leads to hurt feelings or misunderstandings, too, but you can get that just by not editing enough anyway.
For instance, if I were drjimmy11, I would have edited the first sentence of his comment right out!
posted by misha at 4:50 PM on October 21, 2012
A one-word answer is incapable of conveying either.
Oh?
posted by gingerest at 5:21 PM on October 21, 2012 [11 favorites]
Oh?
posted by gingerest at 5:21 PM on October 21, 2012 [11 favorites]
A one-word answer is incapable of conveying either.
Well, it's certainly capable of conveying part of my message, which was that the question really was a yes or no question, and the answer was not really changed by the reams of extra verbiage that sought to obscure the yes or no aspect of it.
And again, we don't understand human behavior or basic empathy.
If you think someone's complex personal problem can be boiled down to "yes" or "no," and better yet feel that this dismissively marginal answer is part of a larger, invisible "message" you're sending them, maybe just don't answer.
Well, a large part of my stock in trade is empathy, and I'm pretty good at it, without any dissembling. Empathy, however, isn't always something that furthers the understanding of the person being empathized with. Human relations would be pretty impoverished if the only acceptable way to relate to another human was to empathize with a problem that might actually be simply solved by cutting the shit.
Regardless, most of my single word answers have not been in "human relations" threads.
posted by OmieWise at 5:42 PM on October 21, 2012
Well, it's certainly capable of conveying part of my message, which was that the question really was a yes or no question, and the answer was not really changed by the reams of extra verbiage that sought to obscure the yes or no aspect of it.
And again, we don't understand human behavior or basic empathy.
If you think someone's complex personal problem can be boiled down to "yes" or "no," and better yet feel that this dismissively marginal answer is part of a larger, invisible "message" you're sending them, maybe just don't answer.
Well, a large part of my stock in trade is empathy, and I'm pretty good at it, without any dissembling. Empathy, however, isn't always something that furthers the understanding of the person being empathized with. Human relations would be pretty impoverished if the only acceptable way to relate to another human was to empathize with a problem that might actually be simply solved by cutting the shit.
Regardless, most of my single word answers have not been in "human relations" threads.
posted by OmieWise at 5:42 PM on October 21, 2012
Human relations would be pretty impoverished if the only acceptable way to relate to another human was to empathize with a problem that might actually be simply solved by cutting the shit.
Be that as it may, if your method of cutting the shit is to issue one word responses it is worth knowing that people may not see that sort of response as particularly helpful and/or see it as potentially confusing. So if what you are trying to do is be clear and understood with your "you need to cut the shit" response, using more than one word is almost certainly a better way to do that. And we feel this strongly enough that we more or less mandate it for AskMe answers.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:40 AM on October 22, 2012
Be that as it may, if your method of cutting the shit is to issue one word responses it is worth knowing that people may not see that sort of response as particularly helpful and/or see it as potentially confusing. So if what you are trying to do is be clear and understood with your "you need to cut the shit" response, using more than one word is almost certainly a better way to do that. And we feel this strongly enough that we more or less mandate it for AskMe answers.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:40 AM on October 22, 2012
Yeah, jessamyn, that's fine, and I understand it. I was responding to the general sentiment expressed by drjimmy11 that there is something necessarily deficient in a one word response to a seemingly complex problem. I've got no issue with Metafilter policy on the issue.
posted by OmieWise at 11:34 AM on October 22, 2012
posted by OmieWise at 11:34 AM on October 22, 2012
I was responding to the general sentiment expressed by drjimmy11 that there is something necessarily deficient in a one word response to a seemingly complex problem.
I think if you answered a question with "No.", I'd understand that you were pretty emphatic about your opinion and sure of your answer. However, I would have no way of judging how qualified you are to give such an answer.
Did you say "no" because you've been there, done that? Did you say it off the top of your head? Do you have llfe experience, professional experience or did you read something wise that informs your no? Or are you some lightweight who's all "Easy peasy: No! Next question!"
I wouldn't know how seriously you took my question and how seriously I should take you. (At least with a long-ish answer you can see that the poster put effort and thought into it. A simple "no" on the other hand can be the product of solid reasoning or a brainfart.)
Also, with some "no"s I get the impression the poster thinks it"s clever bordering on derisive to post a one word answer. Like, "see what I did there? This is how easy to answer your question is and here you were thinking it merits more thought than that."
I mean, probably people don't actually think that but especially in human relations OPs are often a bit distraught and easily misunderstand.
posted by Omnomnom at 1:58 PM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
I think if you answered a question with "No.", I'd understand that you were pretty emphatic about your opinion and sure of your answer. However, I would have no way of judging how qualified you are to give such an answer.
Did you say "no" because you've been there, done that? Did you say it off the top of your head? Do you have llfe experience, professional experience or did you read something wise that informs your no? Or are you some lightweight who's all "Easy peasy: No! Next question!"
I wouldn't know how seriously you took my question and how seriously I should take you. (At least with a long-ish answer you can see that the poster put effort and thought into it. A simple "no" on the other hand can be the product of solid reasoning or a brainfart.)
Also, with some "no"s I get the impression the poster thinks it"s clever bordering on derisive to post a one word answer. Like, "see what I did there? This is how easy to answer your question is and here you were thinking it merits more thought than that."
I mean, probably people don't actually think that but especially in human relations OPs are often a bit distraught and easily misunderstand.
posted by Omnomnom at 1:58 PM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]
Yes, yes, yes, I understand the problem with one word answers. The mods' desire to delete them makes sense. I continue to think that one word answers have their place and do not communicate something about either my empathy or my greater intentions.
posted by OmieWise at 5:00 PM on October 22, 2012
posted by OmieWise at 5:00 PM on October 22, 2012
Generally, when more than two people chip in almost immediately with a one word answer, I find it somewhat illustrative - yes, of course more information/explaination is probably needed at some point, but there's something so visceral about wordy folks like Mefites *not* providing further detail.
posted by maryr at 9:33 PM on October 22, 2012
posted by maryr at 9:33 PM on October 22, 2012
Yes.
No.
That was blunt, wasn't it? So WHY add more? Adding the reasoning behind your answer helps the poster see more variables than perhaps they saw before, even if it's a simple eat it/toss it question. It can explain how a situation looks from the outside to someone in denial ('yes they're abusive!') or soften the blow of bad news ('I'm sorry, but....'). If someone is looking for specific information ('where can I find x') it can help say why one source might be better or worse than another.
posted by easily confused at 2:10 AM on October 23, 2012
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posted by cortex (staff) at 2:07 PM on October 21, 2012 [2 favorites]