A sobering pony request January 6, 2011 11:31 AM Subscribe
A little note on the profiles of MeFites who are deceased?
I apologize if this is inappropriately morbid or ill-timed, but after the digital afterlife FPP and the obit thread for Bill Zeller, I'd say the subject weighs heavily on many of our minds this week. I was touched by the one-line note someone (mathowie?) appended to the top of null terminated's profile. It's a simple way to memorialize a user who's no longer with us, as well as a useful bit of information for future wanderers who find that page without any context.
I assume this is unique to null terminated's profile. Obviously not everyone will have a MeTa thread to mark his or her passing... but I think a standardized way to indicate someone has (been confirmed to have) died, with or without details, would be very appropriate for posterity's sake. It's a tiny gesture, like laying virtual flowers atop a virtual ledger. As MetaFilter enters another new year, the reality of members passing away becomes more apparent; I think acknowledging this officially is a thoughtful way for us to demonstrate our community.
I apologize if this is inappropriately morbid or ill-timed, but after the digital afterlife FPP and the obit thread for Bill Zeller, I'd say the subject weighs heavily on many of our minds this week. I was touched by the one-line note someone (mathowie?) appended to the top of null terminated's profile. It's a simple way to memorialize a user who's no longer with us, as well as a useful bit of information for future wanderers who find that page without any context.
I assume this is unique to null terminated's profile. Obviously not everyone will have a MeTa thread to mark his or her passing... but I think a standardized way to indicate someone has (been confirmed to have) died, with or without details, would be very appropriate for posterity's sake. It's a tiny gesture, like laying virtual flowers atop a virtual ledger. As MetaFilter enters another new year, the reality of members passing away becomes more apparent; I think acknowledging this officially is a thoughtful way for us to demonstrate our community.
Every MeFi who we know of as deceased gets this. We've even got a thing built on the back end to do it. You can click through this list on the wiki to see how we've handled it other times.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:35 AM on January 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:35 AM on January 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
I'm glad to hear that. I couldn't name any other MeFites who have passed away and I wasn't sure I wanted to go looking. Thanks, mods.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 11:37 AM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 11:37 AM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Deceased Mefites are noted on the Mefi Wiki, here. As you can see, all of them have a note at the top indicating that they are deceased.
This was enacted after bageena passed away, at this time last year.
cortex and jessamyn in light of the knowledge that null terminated had a sockpuppet, are you planning on also deactivating that account and indicating that its creator is deceased?
posted by zarq at 11:39 AM on January 6, 2011
This was enacted after bageena passed away, at this time last year.
cortex and jessamyn in light of the knowledge that null terminated had a sockpuppet, are you planning on also deactivating that account and indicating that its creator is deceased?
posted by zarq at 11:39 AM on January 6, 2011
On the lighter side of things, do you guys want me to include you on my e-mail distribution list that's linked to the chip in my heart*, so when I die you'll be notified immediately?
* - I should totally invent this.
posted by Grither at 11:39 AM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
* - I should totally invent this.
posted by Grither at 11:39 AM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I've looked at the deceased mefites page about three times. Each time, I end up spending hours reading all of the obit threads, and each time, I get very weepy.
posted by roll truck roll at 11:48 AM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by roll truck roll at 11:48 AM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
We've been doing this since July '09.
I don't think we plan to do anything special with the sock puppet accounts, no. Our feeling about sock puppets is that they're not supposed to be real accounts. We have no way of knowing the reasoning behind why someone had or used a sock puppet. If someone used a sock puppet account to ask sensitive questions the fact that they are dead doesn't really mean we feel okay linking that content with the user's main content.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:48 AM on January 6, 2011 [5 favorites]
I don't think we plan to do anything special with the sock puppet accounts, no. Our feeling about sock puppets is that they're not supposed to be real accounts. We have no way of knowing the reasoning behind why someone had or used a sock puppet. If someone used a sock puppet account to ask sensitive questions the fact that they are dead doesn't really mean we feel okay linking that content with the user's main content.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:48 AM on January 6, 2011 [5 favorites]
jessamyn: "We've been doing this since July '09.
I stand corrected.
I don't think we plan to do anything special with the sock puppet accounts, no. "
Okay. I was just curious.
Thanks.
posted by zarq at 11:51 AM on January 6, 2011
I stand corrected.
I don't think we plan to do anything special with the sock puppet accounts, no. "
Okay. I was just curious.
Thanks.
posted by zarq at 11:51 AM on January 6, 2011
Each time, I end up spending hours reading all of the obit threads, and each time, I get very weepy.
Me too. I just looked through soulbee's thread again, and got a big lump in my throat when I came to this.
posted by gaspode at 11:54 AM on January 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
Me too. I just looked through soulbee's thread again, and got a big lump in my throat when I came to this.
posted by gaspode at 11:54 AM on January 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
Bizarrely, I was the one who started this.
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:59 AM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:59 AM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
We have no way of knowing the reasoning behind why someone had or used a sock puppet.
Thanks for that Jessamyn. My sock puppet account was created specifically to protect and separate certain questions and comments from my real account which has a bunch of IRL info in it. I'm glad you folks respect that.
posted by 0BloodyHell at 12:00 PM on January 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
Thanks for that Jessamyn. My sock puppet account was created specifically to protect and separate certain questions and comments from my real account which has a bunch of IRL info in it. I'm glad you folks respect that.
posted by 0BloodyHell at 12:00 PM on January 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
Faint of Butt: Ah, that would've been shortly before I joined. Should've done my research before posting.
gaspode: Thanks for that link. It was truly heartbreaking to read now, in retrospect.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 12:02 PM on January 6, 2011
gaspode: Thanks for that link. It was truly heartbreaking to read now, in retrospect.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 12:02 PM on January 6, 2011
The internet is depressing.
posted by Night_owl at 12:05 PM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Night_owl at 12:05 PM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
It is also delightful. While we're all smarting at the loss of a member of our community, I think it's worth remembering that Bill chose to be with us. We surely made him smile, and probably occasionally laugh. I'm glad there was sometimes a ray of light in all that darkness and I only hope that something I posted brought him a smile at some point.
posted by 0BloodyHell at 12:11 PM on January 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by 0BloodyHell at 12:11 PM on January 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
Small suggestion, but I think that "passed away" or "deceased" sounds a bit nicer, for null terminated's profile, consistent with the other profiles.
posted by SpacemanStix at 12:19 PM on January 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by SpacemanStix at 12:19 PM on January 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
into the strenuous briefness
Life:
handorgans and April
darkness, friends
i charge laughing.
Into the hair-thin tints
of yellow dawn,
into the women-coloured twilight
i smilingly glide. I
into the big vermilion departure
swim, sayingly;
(Do you think?) the
i do, world
is probably made
of roses & hello:
(of solongs and, ashes)
--- e.e. cummings
posted by fight or flight at 1:30 PM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Life:
handorgans and April
darkness, friends
i charge laughing.
Into the hair-thin tints
of yellow dawn,
into the women-coloured twilight
i smilingly glide. I
into the big vermilion departure
swim, sayingly;
(Do you think?) the
i do, world
is probably made
of roses & hello:
(of solongs and, ashes)
--- e.e. cummings
posted by fight or flight at 1:30 PM on January 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Faint of Butt: Bizarrely. I came back to Metafilter today (after a long absence) because I reader Bill Zeller's note elsewhere and it linked here. I am heartened to see that there is a page for those who have passed on and that accounts are so noted. It was something mentioned long ago and it feels right for such a community as this. I had forgotten the sense of community here -- the best part of Metafilter.
posted by ?! at 1:54 PM on January 6, 2011
posted by ?! at 1:54 PM on January 6, 2011
Small suggestion, but I think that "passed away" or "deceased" sounds a bit nicer, for null terminated's profile, consistent with the other profiles. (SpacemanStix)
I am probably in the minority on this, and don't think that my opinion should change how the mods handle these notifications, but the use of "passed away" (and "deceased," too, but less so) in the place of "died" really bothers me.
Death is painful. It wracks us with a kind of hurt that is felt in very few other circumstances in our lives. To deal with that pain, it's necessary to have an understanding of death, to not ignore it. To say that someone "passed away" reframes the fact of death, softens it. People die. And most of the time, when they die, they do not "pass away" gently into some good night. To me, the phrase "passed away" takes away whatever struggle a person faced as they died, whether it was the small struggle of realizing their time had come, or the much larger one of deciding that there was no way they could go on.
I know that people use the phrase with good intentions, and perhaps that's more important, but I'd rather that this particular fact of life didn't become a euphemism.
posted by ocherdraco at 3:41 PM on January 6, 2011 [9 favorites]
I am probably in the minority on this, and don't think that my opinion should change how the mods handle these notifications, but the use of "passed away" (and "deceased," too, but less so) in the place of "died" really bothers me.
Death is painful. It wracks us with a kind of hurt that is felt in very few other circumstances in our lives. To deal with that pain, it's necessary to have an understanding of death, to not ignore it. To say that someone "passed away" reframes the fact of death, softens it. People die. And most of the time, when they die, they do not "pass away" gently into some good night. To me, the phrase "passed away" takes away whatever struggle a person faced as they died, whether it was the small struggle of realizing their time had come, or the much larger one of deciding that there was no way they could go on.
I know that people use the phrase with good intentions, and perhaps that's more important, but I'd rather that this particular fact of life didn't become a euphemism.
posted by ocherdraco at 3:41 PM on January 6, 2011 [9 favorites]
ocherdraco: " I know that people use the phrase with good intentions, and perhaps that's more important, but I'd rather that this particular fact of life didn't become a euphemism."
There are literally dozens of euphemisms in the English language for death and dying, and while a linguist like iamkimiam or languagehat could probably discuss the topic more intelligently than I, my understanding is that this is in part because of our fear of aging and death. We especially fear the deaths of our children, and deaths that are unexpected or painful. So we turn away from it. Figuratively and literally. That psychological factor is one of the many reasons why death and dying is a taboo subject in many cultures. Why people never used to speak about illnesses like cancer in polite company.
Euphemisms may sound gentler to our ears because they create a bit of distance between us and the act of dying. They also help us break the news with a bit less harshness to those who may not be expecting it. Soften the blow, so to speak. Which I do think can be respectful. We don't necessarily want to remember our that our loved ones and acquaintances died violently, or while in pain or suffering. We usually prefer to recall happier times, shared experiences and moments. My father died 17 years ago. I know that prefer to think of him laughing and joking with me when I was a child, than that his final moments were spent in agony, unable to breathe in a hospital bed. I'm not sure that using a euphemism should matter in such cases.
FWIW, I agree with you. Mostly. But I'm also mindful that sometimes, having the realities of the death of someone we knew thrust in our faces can be a bit too much to bear.
posted by zarq at 4:00 PM on January 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
There are literally dozens of euphemisms in the English language for death and dying, and while a linguist like iamkimiam or languagehat could probably discuss the topic more intelligently than I, my understanding is that this is in part because of our fear of aging and death. We especially fear the deaths of our children, and deaths that are unexpected or painful. So we turn away from it. Figuratively and literally. That psychological factor is one of the many reasons why death and dying is a taboo subject in many cultures. Why people never used to speak about illnesses like cancer in polite company.
Euphemisms may sound gentler to our ears because they create a bit of distance between us and the act of dying. They also help us break the news with a bit less harshness to those who may not be expecting it. Soften the blow, so to speak. Which I do think can be respectful. We don't necessarily want to remember our that our loved ones and acquaintances died violently, or while in pain or suffering. We usually prefer to recall happier times, shared experiences and moments. My father died 17 years ago. I know that prefer to think of him laughing and joking with me when I was a child, than that his final moments were spent in agony, unable to breathe in a hospital bed. I'm not sure that using a euphemism should matter in such cases.
FWIW, I agree with you. Mostly. But I'm also mindful that sometimes, having the realities of the death of someone we knew thrust in our faces can be a bit too much to bear.
posted by zarq at 4:00 PM on January 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
Please use any unambiguous date format. “1/5/11” could be anytime from 2001 to present.
posted by joeclark at 8:22 PM on January 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by joeclark at 8:22 PM on January 6, 2011 [3 favorites]
All set. I'll go back and fix up the rest of them when I'm in a better mood.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:41 PM on January 6, 2011
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:41 PM on January 6, 2011
I was not familiar with null terminated but I have to say that seeing his last tweet and most recent Flickr uploads on his profile were a little unsettling, knowing that they'll never change.
posted by kittyprecious at 8:15 AM on January 7, 2011
posted by kittyprecious at 8:15 AM on January 7, 2011
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posted by cortex (staff) at 11:35 AM on January 6, 2011