Why close anon AskMe questions? May 13, 2008 6:40 PM Subscribe
Why close an anonymous question at the poster's request? Here's an example (the recent question from a young guy who wasn't sure he wanted to marry)
Whatever the OP's reasons for closing the thread, it was a good discussion and I didn't see anyone bashing the OP. Most people had roughly the same opinion of the situation, but I'm not seeing why the conversation couldn't continue. It'd be one thing if it was not anonymous and the OP regretted posting it in the first place (and hoped it wouldn't be seen). But no one knows who the poster is, so it doesn't make much sense. If he's made up his mind or doesn't want to read any more, he can just not visit that page.
Whatever the OP's reasons for closing the thread, it was a good discussion and I didn't see anyone bashing the OP. Most people had roughly the same opinion of the situation, but I'm not seeing why the conversation couldn't continue. It'd be one thing if it was not anonymous and the OP regretted posting it in the first place (and hoped it wouldn't be seen). But no one knows who the poster is, so it doesn't make much sense. If he's made up his mind or doesn't want to read any more, he can just not visit that page.
Askme is not about the conversation, whatever the hell that is.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:57 PM on May 13, 2008
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:57 PM on May 13, 2008
When someone asks for removal of a question they asked that might get them in trouble, we comply.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 7:08 PM on May 13, 2008
posted by mathowie (staff) at 7:08 PM on May 13, 2008
Plus, in this case, there were plenty enough details to make him not anonymous to certain people.
posted by Stylus Happenstance at 7:12 PM on May 13, 2008
posted by Stylus Happenstance at 7:12 PM on May 13, 2008
jessamynAdmin: "... It seems jerkish, if the OP wants the question closed, to leave it open."
It seems a bit jerkish to ask the question and then ask for it to be closed, to me. I see whay you would do so, if asked, but what happened to people dealing with the consequences of their actions?
posted by dg at 7:14 PM on May 13, 2008
It seems a bit jerkish to ask the question and then ask for it to be closed, to me. I see whay you would do so, if asked, but what happened to people dealing with the consequences of their actions?
posted by dg at 7:14 PM on May 13, 2008
but what happened to people dealing with the consequences of their actions?
Askme is a question and answer site, not a legal system designed to deal out cold, hard justice.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:18 PM on May 13, 2008 [9 favorites]
Askme is a question and answer site, not a legal system designed to deal out cold, hard justice.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:18 PM on May 13, 2008 [9 favorites]
If this were something we thought people would abuse, then we would definitely agree with you dg.
Generally speaking if someone wants a question closed because they just don't like their answers, we will sometimes argue to leave it open. That said, I feel very wrong basically having the power to take something off a website that is making someone else feel like they made a big huge mistake [by asking thw question or just by staring at themselves in the mirror, or by getting caught, possibly] and just leaving it there because it might set a bad precendent. I agree, it's jerkish of them to want to close it after people contributed. That said, he seems to be going through a rougher time than me right now and it seemed like the compassionate thing to do.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:24 PM on May 13, 2008
Generally speaking if someone wants a question closed because they just don't like their answers, we will sometimes argue to leave it open. That said, I feel very wrong basically having the power to take something off a website that is making someone else feel like they made a big huge mistake [by asking thw question or just by staring at themselves in the mirror, or by getting caught, possibly] and just leaving it there because it might set a bad precendent. I agree, it's jerkish of them to want to close it after people contributed. That said, he seems to be going through a rougher time than me right now and it seemed like the compassionate thing to do.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:24 PM on May 13, 2008
Beyond what the admins have already said, I can't honestly imagine 'just not visiting' a discussion that was all about me. I might tell myself I wouldn't. But I wouldn't be able to not.
It might be that people should be bigger than that sort of thing, but I'm not sure Ask.Me is the right place for them to learn that lesson.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:47 PM on May 13, 2008
It might be that people should be bigger than that sort of thing, but I'm not sure Ask.Me is the right place for them to learn that lesson.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:47 PM on May 13, 2008
That said, I feel very wrong basically having the power to take something off a website that is making someone else feel like they made a big huge mistake...
The valuing of people over hard fast rules is why I like AskMe and is just one part of why I'm glad you're here. Thanks, jessamyn.
posted by melissa may at 7:48 PM on May 13, 2008 [15 favorites]
The valuing of people over hard fast rules is why I like AskMe and is just one part of why I'm glad you're here. Thanks, jessamyn.
posted by melissa may at 7:48 PM on May 13, 2008 [15 favorites]
I recommended an anonymous poster ask to have their relationship thread closed, and they ended up doing so. (This was a few weeks ago.)
I suggested it because they had included a vast amount of detail -- paragraphs of it, mostly completely irrelevant to the question -- which made them wholly identifiable to anyone who had even cursory knowledge of either party. Given the sensitivity of the subject ("how can I 'empower' this woman when I dump her?") I personally felt it was begging to be found out by his partner that he was planning their breakup online and including quite a bit of unflattering information about her.
I guess my point is, there are good reasons to ask for one's own thread to be closed. I think that dude did the right thing.
posted by loiseau at 7:50 PM on May 13, 2008
I suggested it because they had included a vast amount of detail -- paragraphs of it, mostly completely irrelevant to the question -- which made them wholly identifiable to anyone who had even cursory knowledge of either party. Given the sensitivity of the subject ("how can I 'empower' this woman when I dump her?") I personally felt it was begging to be found out by his partner that he was planning their breakup online and including quite a bit of unflattering information about her.
I guess my point is, there are good reasons to ask for one's own thread to be closed. I think that dude did the right thing.
posted by loiseau at 7:50 PM on May 13, 2008
Oh: and my view was that it was unfair to do that to her.
posted by loiseau at 7:51 PM on May 13, 2008
posted by loiseau at 7:51 PM on May 13, 2008
It seems a bit jerkish to ask the question and then ask for it to be closed, to me.
It's not jerkish, people ask a question one day and then realize later on there is way too much detail and that it is potentially very damaging to their life if anyone referred to in the question were to find out. That's not pulling out the rug on the community, it's one person regretting saying too much and asking that we relieve their worry by removing something they had second thoughts about.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 8:00 PM on May 13, 2008
It's not jerkish, people ask a question one day and then realize later on there is way too much detail and that it is potentially very damaging to their life if anyone referred to in the question were to find out. That's not pulling out the rug on the community, it's one person regretting saying too much and asking that we relieve their worry by removing something they had second thoughts about.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 8:00 PM on May 13, 2008
Yeah, it's certainly true that having to power to ease someone's pain and to not do so on the basis if teaching them a lesson would be infinitely worse behaviour than having second thoughts and asking that the post be removed after people went to the trouble of answering. I have no concerns about the morality or otherwise of any of the admins here, in case anyone thinks I was questioning that - I was more commenting on the personal belief that people should take responsibility for their actions. I guess it's a shame that life is not more like MeFi, where we can have a take-back when we fuck up.
If I were making the decision, I would make the same call, but I probably wouldn't be happy about it. It's probably lucky you guys are the admins and not me ;-)
posted by dg at 8:05 PM on May 13, 2008
If I were making the decision, I would make the same call, but I probably wouldn't be happy about it. It's probably lucky you guys are the admins and not me ;-)
posted by dg at 8:05 PM on May 13, 2008
We all leave a trail of breadcrumbs when we post. But some trails have more breadcrumbs than others. Put them all together with a Google search and it can lead to trouble.
That being said, I do have to wonder if his gf had read this post on timing your life to have kids by 30.
posted by acoutu at 8:10 PM on May 13, 2008
That being said, I do have to wonder if his gf had read this post on timing your life to have kids by 30.
posted by acoutu at 8:10 PM on May 13, 2008
I'm not a big bible dude, but I've always been fond of the notion behind (paraphrase) "casting the first stone", It's in my Jesus top ten. we all do things we regret and we all should be honest and decent enough to allow people to allow people to rescind their post. That's just me though.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:36 PM on May 13, 2008
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:36 PM on May 13, 2008
Askme is a question and answer site, not a legal system designed to deal out cold, hard justice.
I smell a new subsite!
posted by never used baby shoes at 8:37 PM on May 13, 2008 [3 favorites]
I smell a new subsite!
posted by never used baby shoes at 8:37 PM on May 13, 2008 [3 favorites]
Why close anon AskMe questions?
For the same reason men feel sad and ashamed after ejaculating into old Subway napkins. It's like, "Oh man, that was fun while it lasted, but there has to be more to life than thi-OMG JALAPENO RESIDUE!"
posted by turgid dahlia at 8:38 PM on May 13, 2008
For the same reason men feel sad and ashamed after ejaculating into old Subway napkins. It's like, "Oh man, that was fun while it lasted, but there has to be more to life than thi-OMG JALAPENO RESIDUE!"
posted by turgid dahlia at 8:38 PM on May 13, 2008
I double allowed people there, and so... TO BED.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:39 PM on May 13, 2008
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:39 PM on May 13, 2008
When I first read this, I was all thinking that part of what makes AskMe work is that other people have asked similar questions in the past, and therefore it's helpful to a greater constituency than just the poster (ergo, not deleting should be the default).
After reading Matt and Jess's reasoning, I've changed my mind. (Internal monologue: "What's that strange tingling? My opinions… shifting. It's uncomfortable… Maybe I should call someone a pigfucker… But who? Wait, could this be one of those situations where it's not an argument? I've heard of them… Bunch of jerks, making me introspective… And using compassion! Assholes.")
posted by klangklangston at 10:47 PM on May 13, 2008 [4 favorites]
After reading Matt and Jess's reasoning, I've changed my mind. (Internal monologue: "What's that strange tingling? My opinions… shifting. It's uncomfortable… Maybe I should call someone a pigfucker… But who? Wait, could this be one of those situations where it's not an argument? I've heard of them… Bunch of jerks, making me introspective… And using compassion! Assholes.")
posted by klangklangston at 10:47 PM on May 13, 2008 [4 favorites]
Yeah, the whole thing kind of has my head spinning, too. I'm sure things will be back to normal soon, though.
posted by dg at 11:03 PM on May 13, 2008
posted by dg at 11:03 PM on May 13, 2008
I smell a new subsite!
Sorry, it was the plate of beans.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:24 PM on May 13, 2008
Sorry, it was the plate of beans.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:24 PM on May 13, 2008
I didn't see anyone bashing the OP.
Hmm.
It sounds like the OP has a big problem with with personal responsibility, and a strong aversion to honest communication.
Yeah, that's all about not bashing the poster and answering the question.
posted by rodgerd at 1:58 AM on May 14, 2008
Hmm.
It sounds like the OP has a big problem with with personal responsibility, and a strong aversion to honest communication.
Yeah, that's all about not bashing the poster and answering the question.
posted by rodgerd at 1:58 AM on May 14, 2008
Why close an anonymous question at the poster's request?
Why close an anonymous question?
At the poster's request.
posted by gauchodaspampas at 4:55 AM on May 14, 2008
Why close an anonymous question?
At the poster's request.
posted by gauchodaspampas at 4:55 AM on May 14, 2008
Rodgerd, I'd be surprised if it had to do with that comment. It seems more likely that he realized that the combination of specific details would make his (and her) identity terribly obvious to anyone who knows them very well at all... and a lot of people read AskMe.
posted by taz at 8:49 AM on May 14, 2008
posted by taz at 8:49 AM on May 14, 2008
Also, and I don't mean to turn this into a MetaCallout but if the OP wanted to close their question part of the idea was presumably to have it get a little less attention which is the opposite of what calling it out in MeTa does for it. Goes with the territory I guess but just worth pointing out.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:59 AM on May 14, 2008
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:59 AM on May 14, 2008
It sounds like the OP has a big problem with with personal responsibility, and a strong aversion to honest communication.
Yeah, that's all about not bashing the poster and answering the question.
I'd hardly call that "bashing". If you can't manage to clarify your drunken mumblings about marriage by the next day, you probably do have an issue with personal responsibility and honest communication. It's pretty unfair to blame the misunderstanding all on the girlfriend. And since part of the question was "am I too young/immature to get married?" I'd say it's a perfectly on-topic response.
posted by oneirodynia at 10:03 AM on May 14, 2008
Yeah, that's all about not bashing the poster and answering the question.
I'd hardly call that "bashing". If you can't manage to clarify your drunken mumblings about marriage by the next day, you probably do have an issue with personal responsibility and honest communication. It's pretty unfair to blame the misunderstanding all on the girlfriend. And since part of the question was "am I too young/immature to get married?" I'd say it's a perfectly on-topic response.
posted by oneirodynia at 10:03 AM on May 14, 2008
Also, and I don't mean to turn this into a MetaCallout but if the OP wanted to close their question part of the idea was presumably to have it get a little less attention which is the opposite of what calling it out in MeTa does for it.
So close this already. The moral is, your membership to Metafilter does not come with a guarantee that discussions you would have liked to continue won't sometimes conclude without notice.
posted by nanojath at 1:05 PM on May 14, 2008
So close this already. The moral is, your membership to Metafilter does not come with a guarantee that discussions you would have liked to continue won't sometimes conclude without notice.
posted by nanojath at 1:05 PM on May 14, 2008
This thread seems to defeat every purpose of deleting the original thread at the poster's request.
posted by jabberjaw at 5:53 PM on May 14, 2008
posted by jabberjaw at 5:53 PM on May 14, 2008
Jessamyn: I agree with you and the above two posters. Let's just close this.
posted by special-k at 6:11 PM on May 14, 2008
posted by special-k at 6:11 PM on May 14, 2008
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:46 PM on May 13, 2008