If you believe Sarcasm= Irony, Maybe You're Not Smart Enough to Post Here December 9, 2007 2:22 PM Subscribe
How many times do I have to remind you people: THERE IS NO SARCASM TAG IN HTML.
Not to single out ericb, but almost every day there seems to be at least one example of a thread derail caused by an unmarked sarcastic comment and its inevitable misinterprtation. DON'T DO IT, PEOPLE. Have we learned nothing from this guy? Sarcasm is a very dangerous comic device, one that can backfire even in the hands of professional funnypeople, and one that almost NEVER works in pure text form. If you MUST make a sarcastic comment, PLEASE add the manual tag "/sarcasm" or other obvious marker. "Yeah, sure." is usually NOT enough.
*The More You Know* /lame TV reference, but not sarcasm
Not to single out ericb, but almost every day there seems to be at least one example of a thread derail caused by an unmarked sarcastic comment and its inevitable misinterprtation. DON'T DO IT, PEOPLE. Have we learned nothing from this guy? Sarcasm is a very dangerous comic device, one that can backfire even in the hands of professional funnypeople, and one that almost NEVER works in pure text form. If you MUST make a sarcastic comment, PLEASE add the manual tag "/sarcasm" or other obvious marker. "Yeah, sure." is usually NOT enough.
*The More You Know* /lame TV reference, but not sarcasm
Yes, I think we should have a rigidly enforced rule about this kind of thing. Misunderstandings in human communication can always be avoided by proper protocol.
posted by chrismear at 2:28 PM on December 9, 2007 [8 favorites]
posted by chrismear at 2:28 PM on December 9, 2007 [8 favorites]
Great callout.
posted by 31d1 at 2:32 PM on December 9, 2007 [28 favorites]
posted by 31d1 at 2:32 PM on December 9, 2007 [28 favorites]
One of my favorite screennames around here is Post Irony Is Not A Myth.
posted by klangklangston at 2:38 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by klangklangston at 2:38 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
We should invent a little icon to represent when we're joking, and we can all grow to despise that icon and refuse to use it.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:39 PM on December 9, 2007 [4 favorites]
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:39 PM on December 9, 2007 [4 favorites]
A Modest Proposal: For Preventing the Children of Poor People in Ireland from Being a Burden to Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick
/satire
posted by Justinian at 2:51 PM on December 9, 2007 [4 favorites]
/satire
posted by Justinian at 2:51 PM on December 9, 2007 [4 favorites]
On a message board I'm on, we designated orange colored text as being a sarcasm marker, which actually seems worked pretty well. I never used it though, because I prefer to work without a net.
posted by empath at 3:08 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by empath at 3:08 PM on December 9, 2007
Misunderstandings in human communication can alwaysfrequently be avoided by proper protocol.
Fixed that for me.
Oh, wait. You were being sarcastic, weren't you?
We need more emoticons.
Don't make me go all ;) :P =O >:( on your ass.
Oh, wait. You were being sarcastic, weren't you?
A Modest Proposal: For Preventing the Children of Poor People in Ireland from Being a Burden to Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick
Now, show me a successful example since 1729.
posted by wendell at 3:22 PM on December 9, 2007 [2 favorites]
Fixed that for me.
Oh, wait. You were being sarcastic, weren't you?
We need more emoticons.
Don't make me go all ;) :P =O >:( on your ass.
Oh, wait. You were being sarcastic, weren't you?
A Modest Proposal: For Preventing the Children of Poor People in Ireland from Being a Burden to Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick
Now, show me a successful example since 1729.
posted by wendell at 3:22 PM on December 9, 2007 [2 favorites]
Wouldn't this be better as an Askme question so it could be deleted?
posted by found missing at 3:22 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by found missing at 3:22 PM on December 9, 2007
/sarcasm
posted by Partial Law at 3:51 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by Partial Law at 3:51 PM on December 9, 2007
/joking
posted by Partial Law at 3:51 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by Partial Law at 3:51 PM on December 9, 2007
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
Oh, that's just the most brilliant fucking thing I've heard all day. Let me set down my single malt scotch and push aside my ascot to find my fountain pen so I can scribble down that delicious mot; I'll keep the notation on me at all times, and pull it out whenever a lapse occurs in a conversation and a brilliant epigram is required to jump start the conversation. And then I shall big my adieu, knowing that I have done what I must, and have saved the evening.
Hm. Rereading what I just wrote, you're right. Sarcasm is pretty annoying.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:52 PM on December 9, 2007 [24 favorites]
Oh, that's just the most brilliant fucking thing I've heard all day. Let me set down my single malt scotch and push aside my ascot to find my fountain pen so I can scribble down that delicious mot; I'll keep the notation on me at all times, and pull it out whenever a lapse occurs in a conversation and a brilliant epigram is required to jump start the conversation. And then I shall big my adieu, knowing that I have done what I must, and have saved the evening.
Hm. Rereading what I just wrote, you're right. Sarcasm is pretty annoying.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:52 PM on December 9, 2007 [24 favorites]
I got a spam recently recommending an herbal supplement that would big my adieu.
posted by found missing at 3:54 PM on December 9, 2007 [3 favorites]
posted by found missing at 3:54 PM on December 9, 2007 [3 favorites]
Oh hang on, are you being sarcastic?
posted by cillit bang at 3:58 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by cillit bang at 3:58 PM on December 9, 2007
Devils Rancher writes "I do feel for the sarcasm-impaired"
Well, there are two types of sarcasm impaired: folks who don't notice really obvious sarcasm, and (unfortunately more common on MeFi) people who don't realize that the sarcasm they're trying to use isn't obvious.
wendell writes "Don't make me go all ;) :P =O >:( on your ass."
You start that and I'll start busting out all the proper emoticons which don't involve turning your head sideways (^_^)
posted by Bugbread at 3:59 PM on December 9, 2007 [2 favorites]
Well, there are two types of sarcasm impaired: folks who don't notice really obvious sarcasm, and (unfortunately more common on MeFi) people who don't realize that the sarcasm they're trying to use isn't obvious.
wendell writes "Don't make me go all ;) :P =O >:( on your ass."
You start that and I'll start busting out all the proper emoticons which don't involve turning your head sideways (^_^)
posted by Bugbread at 3:59 PM on December 9, 2007 [2 favorites]
I think nothing spoils a good joke like a stupid /joke
I don't think there are any good jokes that have [/joke] appended. I've used it occasionally when I wasn't so much reaching for the funny as wanting to make clear that I wasn't literally calling someone a 'cheesy-dicked dogfucker' but merely using the phrase as a device to illuminate the ineffable truth that we're all cheesy-dicked dogfuckers in our own special ways, even those of us without dicks. Or cheese.
Now who needs a hug?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:00 PM on December 9, 2007 [2 favorites]
I don't think there are any good jokes that have [/joke] appended. I've used it occasionally when I wasn't so much reaching for the funny as wanting to make clear that I wasn't literally calling someone a 'cheesy-dicked dogfucker' but merely using the phrase as a device to illuminate the ineffable truth that we're all cheesy-dicked dogfuckers in our own special ways, even those of us without dicks. Or cheese.
Now who needs a hug?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:00 PM on December 9, 2007 [2 favorites]
It says at the bottom of this page "note: Everyone needs a hug."
I really really really hope mathowie isn't being sarcastic.
posted by wendell at 4:11 PM on December 9, 2007
I really really really hope mathowie isn't being sarcastic.
posted by wendell at 4:11 PM on December 9, 2007
b1tr0t writes "I'm hugaphobic"
Well, he did say "everyone NEEDS a hug", not "everyone WANTS a hug".
posted by Bugbread at 4:23 PM on December 9, 2007
Well, he did say "everyone NEEDS a hug", not "everyone WANTS a hug".
posted by Bugbread at 4:23 PM on December 9, 2007
I wonder what people did before emoticons and fake close tags. Maybe a lot of famous statements were actually sarcastic, and we take them seriously because of their lack of access to winking smiley technology.
"Give me liberty or give me death. ;-)"
"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
/sarcasm"
"I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.
/ha ha no seriously people are fuckers"
posted by L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg at 4:42 PM on December 9, 2007 [44 favorites]
"Give me liberty or give me death. ;-)"
"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
/sarcasm"
"I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.
/ha ha no seriously people are fuckers"
posted by L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg at 4:42 PM on December 9, 2007 [44 favorites]
This will Wend. . . oh wait, it already did.
posted by The Bellman at 4:49 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by The Bellman at 4:49 PM on December 9, 2007
"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
/sarcasm"
I've always sort of assumed this one, based on available evidence from the past 2000 years. Not a whole lotta earth inheriting going on among the meek.
posted by Justinian at 4:52 PM on December 9, 2007
/sarcasm"
I've always sort of assumed this one, based on available evidence from the past 2000 years. Not a whole lotta earth inheriting going on among the meek.
posted by Justinian at 4:52 PM on December 9, 2007
He wasn't being sarcastic, he was just mistaken.
[/heresy]
posted by The Bellman at 4:54 PM on December 9, 2007
[/heresy]
posted by The Bellman at 4:54 PM on December 9, 2007
Cutting down on sarcasm would probably be a good idea.
It's hard enough to communicate effectively with strangers over an anonymous, text-based medium without handicapping yourself by not saying what you mean.
posted by "Tex" Connor and the Wily Roundup Boys at 4:55 PM on December 9, 2007 [5 favorites]
It's hard enough to communicate effectively with strangers over an anonymous, text-based medium without handicapping yourself by not saying what you mean.
posted by "Tex" Connor and the Wily Roundup Boys at 4:55 PM on December 9, 2007 [5 favorites]
That misunderstanding is far too telling to be ruined by a sarcasm tag. ericb's comment sounded too plausible for Cool Papa Bell to know for certain that it was sarcastic. Though I actually initially read CPB's comment as sarcastic, too, so maybe my facetiometer is broken.
Because now I can't even tell if wendell is serious with this post. Can someone please tell me what's going on and enclose the explanation in [serious] tags?
posted by wemayfreeze at 5:11 PM on December 9, 2007
Because now I can't even tell if wendell is serious with this post. Can someone please tell me what's going on and enclose the explanation in [serious] tags?
posted by wemayfreeze at 5:11 PM on December 9, 2007
He wasn't being sarcastic, he was just mistaken.
[/heresy]
He wasn't mistaken, he was lying.
[/worse heresy]
posted by languagehat at 5:22 PM on December 9, 2007 [2 favorites]
[/heresy]
He wasn't mistaken, he was lying.
[/worse heresy]
posted by languagehat at 5:22 PM on December 9, 2007 [2 favorites]
... it was then that I carried you.
/dissemblance
posted by found missing at 5:28 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
/dissemblance
posted by found missing at 5:28 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
I've done some research and this turns out to be false.
Sarcasm is in the middle of the pack, below slapstick but still above political cartoons.
Jokey analogies for computer things is actually the lowest form of wit, followed closely by pop culture references.
posted by aubilenon at 5:33 PM on December 9, 2007 [5 favorites]
I've done some research and this turns out to be false.
Sarcasm is in the middle of the pack, below slapstick but still above political cartoons.
Jokey analogies for computer things is actually the lowest form of wit, followed closely by pop culture references.
posted by aubilenon at 5:33 PM on December 9, 2007 [5 favorites]
He wasn't being sarcastic, he was just mistaken.
[/heresy]
He wasn't mistaken, he was lying.
[/worse heresy]
He wasn't lying, he wasn't.
[/blasphemy]
posted by CKmtl at 5:42 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
[/heresy]
He wasn't mistaken, he was lying.
[/worse heresy]
He wasn't lying, he wasn't.
[/blasphemy]
posted by CKmtl at 5:42 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
This is perfect. Now the whole place is in an uproar.
posted by Smart Dalek at 5:44 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by Smart Dalek at 5:44 PM on December 9, 2007
Where do Monty Python references fall in the rankings, aubilenon?
posted by yhbc at 5:51 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by yhbc at 5:51 PM on December 9, 2007
Life in Wendell began in earnest in 1887...
See? I AM being earnest.
I'd thank you for that link, Smart Dalek, but I'm trying hard to avoid sarcasm.
posted by wendell at 6:12 PM on December 9, 2007
See? I AM being earnest.
I'd thank you for that link, Smart Dalek, but I'm trying hard to avoid sarcasm.
posted by wendell at 6:12 PM on December 9, 2007
At Worth1000, blue is the color of sarcasm and it works pretty well.
Nobody uses it for every joke, but it can be useful.
I use it when, just before posting, I am not sure that everyone will get it and I don't want to rewrite my comment (and don't want to deal with the derail). It's a kind of insurance when there is a high risk of misunderstanding. And it's not mandatory or anything: it's just one more tool to convey meaning.
Moreover, Worth fonts are black on white so blue is not "in your face": most of the time I notice the blue only at second glance, which fits sarcasm. It's more an intonation than a warning.
posted by bru at 6:26 PM on December 9, 2007
Nobody uses it for every joke, but it can be useful.
I use it when, just before posting, I am not sure that everyone will get it and I don't want to rewrite my comment (and don't want to deal with the derail). It's a kind of insurance when there is a high risk of misunderstanding. And it's not mandatory or anything: it's just one more tool to convey meaning.
Moreover, Worth fonts are black on white so blue is not "in your face": most of the time I notice the blue only at second glance, which fits sarcasm. It's more an intonation than a warning.
posted by bru at 6:26 PM on December 9, 2007
Um - no.
I suppose that fact would skew the rankings one way or the other.
posted by yhbc at 6:31 PM on December 9, 2007
I suppose that fact would skew the rankings one way or the other.
posted by yhbc at 6:31 PM on December 9, 2007
"You could almost say, we ATE Uter, and he's in our stomachs, right now! "
posted by tkolar at 6:42 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by tkolar at 6:42 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
wait - do you mean everyone here's been kidding about hating george bush? it was just sarcasm?
posted by pyramid termite at 6:44 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by pyramid termite at 6:44 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
Holy crap, you mean there really is a "Wendell"? I thought he was just mythological.
Just kidding Wendell. I knew you exist.
posted by Iron Rat at 6:48 PM on December 9, 2007
Just kidding Wendell. I knew you exist.
posted by Iron Rat at 6:48 PM on December 9, 2007
I'm alleged in my own time.
posted by wendell at 6:56 PM on December 9, 2007 [7 favorites]
posted by wendell at 6:56 PM on December 9, 2007 [7 favorites]
everyone tells me my handwriting is allegible - it MIGHT say something, but they're not sure
posted by pyramid termite at 6:57 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by pyramid termite at 6:57 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
Thanks for this, wendell. I'll be sure to keep it in mind.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:04 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:04 PM on December 9, 2007
wendell, if you're going to be earnest, I will be frank: I still can't tell if your OP is being sarcastic. Could you please enclose future non-sarcastic posts in a seriously tag to reduce confusion? <seriously>I don't not hope the OP isn't not sarcastic.</seriously>
<!-- the following tag has been intentionally left open, and should be applied to the rest of this thread until it is closed --> <sarcasm>
posted by finite at 7:08 PM on December 9, 2007
<!-- the following tag has been intentionally left open, and should be applied to the rest of this thread until it is closed --> <sarcasm>
posted by finite at 7:08 PM on December 9, 2007
I thought Cool Papa Bell was trying to be equally sarcastic to ericb. I think someone else's sarcasm tag detector is broken.
posted by jmd82 at 7:10 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by jmd82 at 7:10 PM on December 9, 2007
Wit is the highest form of wendell. And 911 is still a joke.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:23 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:23 PM on December 9, 2007
You are obviously a person of great discernment and taste. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter and/or charitable foundation.
posted by casarkos at 7:41 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by casarkos at 7:41 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
Sadly, <serious>MSNBC has no per-author feeds so YOU CAN'T subscribe to his newsletter.</serious>
posted by finite at 7:45 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by finite at 7:45 PM on December 9, 2007
You are obviously a person of great discernment and taste. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter and/or charitable foundation.
Sorry mate, but I doubt you can afford the dues of any foundation.
posted by jmd82 at 7:57 PM on December 9, 2007
Sorry mate, but I doubt you can afford the dues of any foundation.
posted by jmd82 at 7:57 PM on December 9, 2007
This thread is better off without the likes of me and my ilk.
posted by [more inside] at 7:58 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by [more inside] at 7:58 PM on December 9, 2007
Sarcasm is a very dangerous comic device, one that can backfire even in the hands of professional funnypeople, and one that almost NEVER works in pure text form.
Kids, don't play with humor except with professional supervision. Remember, only you can prevent comedic mishaps. And now you know. Knowing is half the battle. Take a bite out of sarcasm. Just say no. Sailor Moon says. Give a hoot, don't pollute... the thread, with sarcasm. Planeteer alert: sarcasm is bad for our environment. The power is yours! This is your community weblog on sarcasm... any questions?
posted by Tehanu at 8:03 PM on December 9, 2007 [3 favorites]
Kids, don't play with humor except with professional supervision. Remember, only you can prevent comedic mishaps. And now you know. Knowing is half the battle. Take a bite out of sarcasm. Just say no. Sailor Moon says. Give a hoot, don't pollute... the thread, with sarcasm. Planeteer alert: sarcasm is bad for our environment. The power is yours! This is your community weblog on sarcasm... any questions?
posted by Tehanu at 8:03 PM on December 9, 2007 [3 favorites]
"If you believe Sarcasm= Irony, Maybe You're Not Smart Enough to Post Here"
Don't make me look words up, all it takes to post here is 5$
posted by Iron Rat at 8:16 PM on December 9, 2007
Don't make me look words up, all it takes to post here is 5$
posted by Iron Rat at 8:16 PM on December 9, 2007
$5
posted by Iron Rat at 8:16 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by Iron Rat at 8:16 PM on December 9, 2007 [1 favorite]
if you're going to be earnest, I will be frank
And together you can start some sort of confectionery business.
posted by Kickstart70 at 8:26 PM on December 9, 2007
And together you can start some sort of confectionery business.
posted by Kickstart70 at 8:26 PM on December 9, 2007
It's ironic that 911 is a joke.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 8:37 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by Armitage Shanks at 8:37 PM on December 9, 2007
If only Alanis had taught us about sarcasm as well as irony, this thread would be unnecessary.
posted by Kwine at 8:56 PM on December 9, 2007 [3 favorites]
posted by Kwine at 8:56 PM on December 9, 2007 [3 favorites]
I demand a tag to tell me when people aren't being sarcastic. I come here because you're all bitter cynics with nothing left inside that's warm and fuzzy and earnest.
If that's not true then you've deceived me! I demand justice...and some chocolate fondue. What? It's chilly out.
posted by Salmonberry at 9:25 PM on December 9, 2007
If that's not true then you've deceived me! I demand justice...and some chocolate fondue. What? It's chilly out.
posted by Salmonberry at 9:25 PM on December 9, 2007
Can I just put a "sarcastic" tag on my name and save a lot of trouble?
posted by The Deej at 9:53 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by The Deej at 9:53 PM on December 9, 2007
Yeh, go ahead, Deej. Even better, why not make it a pony request? Your wonderful idea would bring untold benefits for the entire community.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:04 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:04 PM on December 9, 2007
Aww, thanks UbuRoivas!!! I'm really glad to get such support for my idea-- HEYYY!!!!!! Wait a minute!!!!
posted by The Deej at 10:28 PM on December 9, 2007
posted by The Deej at 10:28 PM on December 9, 2007
Can I just put a "sarcastic" tag on my name and save a lot of trouble?
That's an awesome idea. To wit:
Can I just put a "sarcastic" tag on my name and save a lot of trouble?
posted by The Deej
THERE IS NO SARCASM TAG IN HTML.
posted by wendell
I'm hugaphobic
posted by b1tr0t
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:31 PM on December 9, 2007
That's an awesome idea. To wit:
Can I just put a "sarcastic" tag on my name and save a lot of trouble?
posted by The Deej
THERE IS NO SARCASM TAG IN HTML.
posted by wendell
I'm hugaphobic
posted by b1tr0t
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:31 PM on December 9, 2007
If only Alanis had taught us about sarcasm as well as irony, this thread would be unnecessary.
I had always interpreted the song as a sarcastic take on people who don't understand what the word irony means.
"Isn't it Ironic?"
"Don't you think?"/sarcasm
Thus it's both a lesson on irony and sarcasm ALREADY.
posted by empath at 11:03 PM on December 9, 2007
I had always interpreted the song as a sarcastic take on people who don't understand what the word irony means.
"Isn't it Ironic?"
"Don't you think?"/sarcasm
Thus it's both a lesson on irony and sarcasm ALREADY.
posted by empath at 11:03 PM on December 9, 2007
And that's another problem with sarcasm. Sometimes you give people credit for it when they're just being really stupid.
Anyway, this thread has worked out better than I expect. Honestly. SERIOUSLY. But that's because I follow the Mel Brooks/"Twelve Chairs" philosophy of hoping for the best and expecting the worst.
And I always give big plugs and links to my MSNBC.com writing in my wendellwit.com personal blog, so you can "subscribe" to me there...
posted by wendell at 11:44 PM on December 9, 2007
Anyway, this thread has worked out better than I expect. Honestly. SERIOUSLY. But that's because I follow the Mel Brooks/"Twelve Chairs" philosophy of hoping for the best and expecting the worst.
And I always give big plugs and links to my MSNBC.com writing in my wendellwit.com personal blog, so you can "subscribe" to me there...
posted by wendell at 11:44 PM on December 9, 2007
If this resolution is carried, drjimmy11's meagre schtick is totally fucked.
AREN'T YOU ASHAMED, WENDELL?
posted by Wolof at 2:15 AM on December 10, 2007
AREN'T YOU ASHAMED, WENDELL?
posted by Wolof at 2:15 AM on December 10, 2007
*taps microphone*
THREAD 15426, MAY I PLEASE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?
Thank you.
My name is George Prisser, but you can call me Mr. Prisser. I am from The Ministry of Silly Threads.
It has come to my attention that user #206, one singular Mr. Wendell, has attempted to start a silly thread here in your fine council of Meta, err, something or other. Doesn't really matter, does it? Just a small stand of mud and sticks, really.
Anyway.
I have been authorized by The Ministry to take whatever actions required to bring all of this to a tidy end. This thread is unauthorized and unpermitted. The silliness may be of dubious quantity or quantity, and not to mention unknown provenance.
These sort of back-alley silly threads kill thousands every year and bring untold suffering to millions more with their unpasteurized, unsanitary balderdash and horsehockey, a very willy-nilly sort of silly that can often be a deadly killer. A deadly killer of not only people, of families, of The American Way, but of puppies and kittens, butterflies and ponies and the very dreams of far too many.
Don't let this happen to you. Again, I mean. In the future, in your next life or whatever, please be sure to only purchase your silly threads from licensed dealers to be certain that your silly threads are the purest and most wholesome and nutritious silly threads you can buy. Silly threads that are guaranteed to be free of residues, pesticides, Communism, homosexual urges, impure thoughts about daffodils or flowers in general, sheep, goats, monkeys, echidna, marmosets and beavers nor their scents, drifters with evil lazy eyes, gypsies, ninjas, fat ninjas and homicidal robots. Not to mention entirely free of lawyers, attorneys or paralegals - and so much more!
The Ministry ensures wholesome silliness and protects you by providing authorized, clean silly threads from a stock of millions of possible options that can be recombined into billions of wholesome, purified and clean silly threads - silly threads of the sort your own mom would be proud to use, silly threads you would be proud to share with your entire family.
So, as you can all see I don't really have any choice in the matter. Look, don't get all crazy about it - it was all too late well before I got the phone call that woke me and pulled me out of bed. These things just happen, you know. The thread has been surrounded by The Cleaners. No one gets out alive. The contagion and impurities must be contained.
And thanks for using The Ministry. It's always a pleasure to serve discerning customers.
posted by loquacious at 2:25 AM on December 10, 2007 [6 favorites]
THREAD 15426, MAY I PLEASE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?
Thank you.
My name is George Prisser, but you can call me Mr. Prisser. I am from The Ministry of Silly Threads.
It has come to my attention that user #206, one singular Mr. Wendell, has attempted to start a silly thread here in your fine council of Meta, err, something or other. Doesn't really matter, does it? Just a small stand of mud and sticks, really.
Anyway.
I have been authorized by The Ministry to take whatever actions required to bring all of this to a tidy end. This thread is unauthorized and unpermitted. The silliness may be of dubious quantity or quantity, and not to mention unknown provenance.
These sort of back-alley silly threads kill thousands every year and bring untold suffering to millions more with their unpasteurized, unsanitary balderdash and horsehockey, a very willy-nilly sort of silly that can often be a deadly killer. A deadly killer of not only people, of families, of The American Way, but of puppies and kittens, butterflies and ponies and the very dreams of far too many.
Don't let this happen to you. Again, I mean. In the future, in your next life or whatever, please be sure to only purchase your silly threads from licensed dealers to be certain that your silly threads are the purest and most wholesome and nutritious silly threads you can buy. Silly threads that are guaranteed to be free of residues, pesticides, Communism, homosexual urges, impure thoughts about daffodils or flowers in general, sheep, goats, monkeys, echidna, marmosets and beavers nor their scents, drifters with evil lazy eyes, gypsies, ninjas, fat ninjas and homicidal robots. Not to mention entirely free of lawyers, attorneys or paralegals - and so much more!
The Ministry ensures wholesome silliness and protects you by providing authorized, clean silly threads from a stock of millions of possible options that can be recombined into billions of wholesome, purified and clean silly threads - silly threads of the sort your own mom would be proud to use, silly threads you would be proud to share with your entire family.
So, as you can all see I don't really have any choice in the matter. Look, don't get all crazy about it - it was all too late well before I got the phone call that woke me and pulled me out of bed. These things just happen, you know. The thread has been surrounded by The Cleaners. No one gets out alive. The contagion and impurities must be contained.
And thanks for using The Ministry. It's always a pleasure to serve discerning customers.
posted by loquacious at 2:25 AM on December 10, 2007 [6 favorites]
loquacious.
Man, he really is. I mean like, really.
posted by From Bklyn at 2:47 AM on December 10, 2007
Man, he really is. I mean like, really.
posted by From Bklyn at 2:47 AM on December 10, 2007
These sort of back-alley silly threads kill thousands every year and bring untold suffering to millions more with their unpasteurized, unsanitary balderdash and horsehockey, a very willy-nilly sort of silly that can often be a deadly killer.
So, I heard Iran has a program for mass-buying Metafilter accounts. Does The Ministry know anything about it? And when is your new album out?
posted by ersatz at 4:09 AM on December 10, 2007
So, I heard Iran has a program for mass-buying Metafilter accounts. Does The Ministry know anything about it? And when is your new album out?
posted by ersatz at 4:09 AM on December 10, 2007
You haters are horrible, heartless and hairy harridans, habitually hounding helpless heroes into hurtful hells. I hope you hobgoblins feel happy. NO - actually I hope you all get HYPERTHYROIDISM.
All Wendell is saying here is: "can't we just get along?" And the BEST way to get along is to be honest, and the best way to be honest is to SAY WHAT YOU MEAN.
That's why sarcasm is so damaging to a text-based community such as this. Think about it - if you use sarcasm, you're only saying what you DON'T mean. The possibilities of what you DO mean are, therefore, endless!
So, a comment like: "Ooooh, great idea Wendell, you goddamn super genius" could ACTUALLY be saying something about how you always wanted to be a dry-cleaner when you grew up, or how you never liked zebras until they made the first move, or that your beard just learned how to play the harp and has left for a tour with the Berlin Philharmonic and while you like to think of yourself as a supporter of the arts your loneliness is only exacerbated by your now frosty-cold chin.
But we'll never know which meaning it is unless you STOP using sarcasm - you bunch of ultra-fucking-genius smart artists.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 4:47 AM on December 10, 2007 [2 favorites]
All Wendell is saying here is: "can't we just get along?" And the BEST way to get along is to be honest, and the best way to be honest is to SAY WHAT YOU MEAN.
That's why sarcasm is so damaging to a text-based community such as this. Think about it - if you use sarcasm, you're only saying what you DON'T mean. The possibilities of what you DO mean are, therefore, endless!
So, a comment like: "Ooooh, great idea Wendell, you goddamn super genius" could ACTUALLY be saying something about how you always wanted to be a dry-cleaner when you grew up, or how you never liked zebras until they made the first move, or that your beard just learned how to play the harp and has left for a tour with the Berlin Philharmonic and while you like to think of yourself as a supporter of the arts your loneliness is only exacerbated by your now frosty-cold chin.
But we'll never know which meaning it is unless you STOP using sarcasm - you bunch of ultra-fucking-genius smart artists.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 4:47 AM on December 10, 2007 [2 favorites]
So there IS a sarcasm HTML tag?
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 5:26 AM on December 10, 2007
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 5:26 AM on December 10, 2007
I feel an urge—an urge, I say—to tell people to LEAVE WENDELL ALONE!
posted by cgc373 at 5:47 AM on December 10, 2007
posted by cgc373 at 5:47 AM on December 10, 2007
Is the fact that this thread makes my brain hurt ironic?
posted by waraw at 6:17 AM on December 10, 2007
posted by waraw at 6:17 AM on December 10, 2007
I like cheese.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 7:33 AM on December 10, 2007
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 7:33 AM on December 10, 2007
It's like going crazy when you're already nuts.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:53 AM on December 10, 2007
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:53 AM on December 10, 2007
You know that scene in Ren and Stimpy where Stimpy is on a space ship and he shouldn't push the red button that would destroy the universe, but since he has to guard the button all he can think about is how much he wants to push the button? And the entire time the announcer is talking about how much Stimpy wants to push the button to the point where the announcer is actually shoving stimpy's face at the button? It's almost like Stimpy's impulse has made itself physically manifest and make his temptation be all the more palpable and the idea of Stimpy pushing the button is almost a foregone conclusion.
That's what life is like for Wendell all the time.
posted by shmegegge at 10:48 AM on December 10, 2007 [2 favorites]
That's what life is like for Wendell all the time.
posted by shmegegge at 10:48 AM on December 10, 2007 [2 favorites]
This is what happens when you bother the internet with your problems.
posted by never used baby shoes at 11:02 AM on December 10, 2007
posted by never used baby shoes at 11:02 AM on December 10, 2007
I'm not being sarcastic. It's just a speech impediment. I've talked this way my entire life.
posted by slogger at 11:23 AM on December 10, 2007 [2 favorites]
posted by slogger at 11:23 AM on December 10, 2007 [2 favorites]
It's like going crazy when you're already nuts.
Or ten THOUSAND SPOONS when all you need is a KNIFE.
posted by GuyZero at 11:32 AM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
Or ten THOUSAND SPOONS when all you need is a KNIFE.
posted by GuyZero at 11:32 AM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
Actually this article, which I can't find the full version of anywhere, claims that puns are the lowest form of humor.
I'm pro-sarcasm and I vote. [/non sequiter]
posted by Gucky at 11:41 AM on December 10, 2007
I'm pro-sarcasm and I vote. [/non sequiter]
posted by Gucky at 11:41 AM on December 10, 2007
Now see here, if you put /sarcasm tags in all the funny jokes on this place, I'm out. Because my hobby is to find truly hilarious comments and either favorite them or put them in a place of honor in my profile. That's the whole point of MeFi and its various sections. People saying mean/ridiculous things, whether they are serious or not. And me getting my recommended daily allowance of schadenfreude. You take that away, and I'll have to come to your house and hit you on the head with a wooden mallet.
posted by brina at 11:49 AM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by brina at 11:49 AM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
I thought Cool Papa Bell was trying to be equally sarcastic to ericb.
Actually, I wasn't. I've read too many MeFi posts from too many "the truth is out there" twits that I instantly go into knee-jerk derision response.
So fuck me for having no sarcasm detector on this subject. But screw all y'all for allowing the conspiracy whackos to find fertile ground on MeFi.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:50 AM on December 10, 2007
Actually, I wasn't. I've read too many MeFi posts from too many "the truth is out there" twits that I instantly go into knee-jerk derision response.
So fuck me for having no sarcasm detector on this subject. But screw all y'all for allowing the conspiracy whackos to find fertile ground on MeFi.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:50 AM on December 10, 2007
Look, it's really easy to convey sarcasm in text. All you have to do is read the words you type aloud in as snide and condescending a tone as you can muster, and the new comment box will do the rest. It conveys verbal sarcasm in text with a 96.8% effectiveness rate. Web 2.0 is great.
posted by baphomet at 11:58 AM on December 10, 2007
posted by baphomet at 11:58 AM on December 10, 2007
But screw all y'all for allowing the conspiracy whackos to find fertile ground on MeFi.
If having no nutjob pretenses was a requirement for membership here, sign-ups might have netted Matt $25 by now...
Nutjobbery speaks for itself, any conspiracy nut here is going to be shredded like anybody within 30 feet of a Blackwater convoy. I don't exactly call that fertile ground. Seems like most of these types slink back to the echo chambers from which they vomited forth pretty quickly after they find that ax grinding isn't really appreciated here.
posted by baphomet at 12:04 PM on December 10, 2007
If having no nutjob pretenses was a requirement for membership here, sign-ups might have netted Matt $25 by now...
Nutjobbery speaks for itself, any conspiracy nut here is going to be shredded like anybody within 30 feet of a Blackwater convoy. I don't exactly call that fertile ground. Seems like most of these types slink back to the echo chambers from which they vomited forth pretty quickly after they find that ax grinding isn't really appreciated here.
posted by baphomet at 12:04 PM on December 10, 2007
There is no truth out there. It's just sarcastic coincidence after sarcastic coincidence. Hugs for all.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:06 PM on December 10, 2007
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:06 PM on December 10, 2007
No. No hugs for anyone. If I can't have hugs, then I will destroy the hugs of those who love them. I am a hugconoclast.
posted by baphomet at 12:12 PM on December 10, 2007
posted by baphomet at 12:12 PM on December 10, 2007
baphomet is apparently on Drugs 2.0.
And I don't think MeFi is all that fertile a ground for conspiracy whackos, but they'd scatter their seeds on a concrete parking lot. And MeFi's wide-spectrum hostility toward the "9/11 Mythers" (a much more accurate term than 'Truther') made ericb's sarc-comment an instant derailer, since it bi-passed many sarcasm detectors including mine.
posted by wendell at 12:13 PM on December 10, 2007
And I don't think MeFi is all that fertile a ground for conspiracy whackos, but they'd scatter their seeds on a concrete parking lot. And MeFi's wide-spectrum hostility toward the "9/11 Mythers" (a much more accurate term than 'Truther') made ericb's sarc-comment an instant derailer, since it bi-passed many sarcasm detectors including mine.
posted by wendell at 12:13 PM on December 10, 2007
Or ten THOUSAND SPOONS when all you need is a KNIFE.
I've got your ten THOUSAND GRAPEFRUIT SPOONS right here. Where do you want 'em?
posted by grapefruitmoon at 12:15 PM on December 10, 2007
I've got your ten THOUSAND GRAPEFRUIT SPOONS right here. Where do you want 'em?
posted by grapefruitmoon at 12:15 PM on December 10, 2007
I've got your ten THOUSAND GRAPEFRUIT SPOONS right here. Where do you want 'em?
posted by grapefruitmoon
Put 'em in the grapefruit broom closet... OH NO... NOT HERE TOO!
posted by wendell at 12:51 PM on December 10, 2007
posted by grapefruitmoon
Put 'em in the grapefruit broom closet... OH NO... NOT HERE TOO!
posted by wendell at 12:51 PM on December 10, 2007
baphomet is apparently on Drugs 2.0.
I upgraded to Drugs 2.5 last week, actually...I was having a huge rendering problem with the resolution of real life, but fortunately the upgrade is now properly displaying the eye-popping cyclone of synaesthetic musicolor in 1080.
posted by baphomet at 1:02 PM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
I upgraded to Drugs 2.5 last week, actually...I was having a huge rendering problem with the resolution of real life, but fortunately the upgrade is now properly displaying the eye-popping cyclone of synaesthetic musicolor in 1080.
posted by baphomet at 1:02 PM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
It's only fertile ground insomuch as there's no fancy background software that checks your browser history and bookshelf for weirdo material before accepting input from your keyboard.
Or maybe there is...
posted by CKmtl at 1:12 PM on December 10, 2007
Or maybe there is...
posted by CKmtl at 1:12 PM on December 10, 2007
I have enclosed this text within the sarcasm html tag.
(It also makes use of the gullibility css hack.)
posted by 1f2frfbf at 1:19 PM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
(It also makes use of the gullibility css hack.)
posted by 1f2frfbf at 1:19 PM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
Or ten THOUSAND SPOONS when all you need is a KNIFE...
Why is it that there is actually a separate spoon for eating grapefruit when an ordinary tablespoon suffices?
/spoken in the manner of Andy Rooney or Jerry Seinfeld.
posted by ericb at 1:33 PM on December 10, 2007
Why is it that there is actually a separate spoon for eating grapefruit when an ordinary tablespoon suffices?
/spoken in the manner of Andy Rooney or Jerry Seinfeld.
posted by ericb at 1:33 PM on December 10, 2007
Why is it that there is actually a separate spoon for eating grapefruit when an ordinary tablespoon suffices?
Follow-up question: Why did my grandmother give me six grapefruit spoons one Christmas even though I do not eat grapefruits as that would be CANNIBALISM? Is this a threat?
posted by grapefruitmoon at 1:38 PM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
Follow-up question: Why did my grandmother give me six grapefruit spoons one Christmas even though I do not eat grapefruits as that would be CANNIBALISM? Is this a threat?
posted by grapefruitmoon at 1:38 PM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
The sky is blue.
*waits to see if any zebras get attracted.
posted by ersatz at 1:46 PM on December 10, 2007
*waits to see if any zebras get attracted.
posted by ersatz at 1:46 PM on December 10, 2007
wendell writes "baphomet is apparently on Drugs 2.0."
I just want to say that, for some reason, I frickin' love the expression "...is on Drugs 2.0".
posted by Bugbread at 3:40 PM on December 10, 2007
I just want to say that, for some reason, I frickin' love the expression "...is on Drugs 2.0".
posted by Bugbread at 3:40 PM on December 10, 2007
Why is it that there is actually a separate spoon for eating grapefruit when an ordinary tablespoon suffices?
//no sarcasm tag
Because a) a proper grapefruit spoon has a serrated leading edge to appropriately cut into the fruit and rind membrane and b) after eating the grapefruit, the spoon should be removed from the table, like all used silverware for which there is no planned future use.
Your next question should be, OK smart guy, so why are there two spoons? And the answer is, the other spoon is for your coffee.
//end no sarcasm tag
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:57 PM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
//no sarcasm tag
Because a) a proper grapefruit spoon has a serrated leading edge to appropriately cut into the fruit and rind membrane and b) after eating the grapefruit, the spoon should be removed from the table, like all used silverware for which there is no planned future use.
Your next question should be, OK smart guy, so why are there two spoons? And the answer is, the other spoon is for your coffee.
//end no sarcasm tag
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:57 PM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
Why is it that there is actually a separate spoon for eating grapefruit when an ordinary tablespoon suffices?
Some of you are truly barbarians.
posted by gomichild at 8:38 PM on December 10, 2007
Some of you are truly barbarians.
posted by gomichild at 8:38 PM on December 10, 2007
Only the ones who don't call out their sarcasm, apparently?
What a buncha bologna!
Wendell? To your corner. NOW!
posted by LiveLurker at 10:14 PM on December 10, 2007
What a buncha bologna!
Wendell? To your corner. NOW!
posted by LiveLurker at 10:14 PM on December 10, 2007
holy flying burrito brothers! *ducks savagely wielded grapefruit spoons*
this thread appears to be full of... something. unsure quite what @ the mo. Right, I'll just leave you to it, toodle pip!
posted by lonefrontranger at 10:36 PM on December 10, 2007
this thread appears to be full of... something. unsure quite what @ the mo. Right, I'll just leave you to it, toodle pip!
posted by lonefrontranger at 10:36 PM on December 10, 2007
Like I tell people I meet in real life, just assume everything I say is sarcastic. It's just my way. And Americans aren't as highly tuned to sarcasm as Brits. I say this as a neutral and extremely sarcastic third party.
</Am I serious? Am I kidding? Who knows?>
posted by slimepuppy at 1:39 AM on December 11, 2007
</Am I serious? Am I kidding? Who knows?>
posted by slimepuppy at 1:39 AM on December 11, 2007
There is one forum where sarcasm works particularly well, and that's in court.
Especially when the magistrate asks the stenographer to read one's sarcastic quip back to the court.
posted by mattoxic at 5:27 AM on December 11, 2007
Especially when the magistrate asks the stenographer to read one's sarcastic quip back to the court.
posted by mattoxic at 5:27 AM on December 11, 2007
Bah. If sarcasm isn't for the Intarwebz, that means I need to go back to making fun of people who are physically close enough to hurt me for it. Damn.
posted by Phire at 7:29 AM on December 11, 2007
posted by Phire at 7:29 AM on December 11, 2007
yeah i agree
posted by every_one_needs_a_hug_sometimes at 9:06 AM on December 11, 2007
posted by every_one_needs_a_hug_sometimes at 9:06 AM on December 11, 2007
I was going to accuse every_one_needs_a_hug_sometimes of being an insta-meme-named-sockpuppet, but I see they have been a member for over a year. Which means you may have cause to sue Matt for copyright infringement. (Uh, you do have it trademarked, don't you? No? Then I suggest contacting Drew Curtis.)
posted by wendell at 10:42 AM on December 11, 2007
posted by wendell at 10:42 AM on December 11, 2007
Yo, wendell: you don't need to have something trademarked to sue for copyright infringement, you need to have something copyrighted. If you have something trademarked, you sue for trademark infringement.
posted by Bugbread at 12:33 PM on December 11, 2007
posted by Bugbread at 12:33 PM on December 11, 2007
You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments
/joke
at the bottom of it, myself. I do feel for the sarcasm-impaired (not that I'm implying that you're one of them) and yes, the daily mis-interpretation can get old, but a MetaFilter without sarcasm, or with a
/sarcasm
after every use of it as a rhetorical device would be a MetaFilter diminished.
posted by Devils Rancher at 2:27 PM on December 9, 2007