it's my party and i'll cry if i want to. July 12, 2007 9:28 PM Subscribe
i didn't want to derail this post about singleness either, so i thought i'd clarify my statement here.
I'm sure no one will mind.
posted by Espy Gillespie at 9:32 PM on July 12, 2007
posted by Espy Gillespie at 9:32 PM on July 12, 2007
I stand by this comment, rabbits and/or sand in my vagina be damned.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:38 PM on July 12, 2007
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:38 PM on July 12, 2007
Seriously. I have a little disused blogger thingy specifically for when I feel the need to call someone on MeFi or AskMe a jackass or vent a little. It comes in handy.
I do respect your keeping it out of the AskMe thread, though.
posted by carsonb at 9:40 PM on July 12, 2007
I do respect your keeping it out of the AskMe thread, though.
posted by carsonb at 9:40 PM on July 12, 2007
I think that it is important for everyone to express herself/himself in whatever manner they choose. Notice that I put "herself" first because I think that women are often the last to feel able to do that. And Metafilter should be a safe place for women. Or "wymyn" if you prefer because you are very feminist or Welsh.
She should be allowed to be a bridezilla or anything else within reason at her wedding and no one should tell her different. She shouldn't be allowed to be, say, an archeopteryx, because things like that are impossible, but otherwise it is just for her and that's good.
She should be able to dance whatever she likes, including tribal dances (both African and Native American and even Irish if you like to think of them as tribal) and that is good.
Or maybe she is alone and that is sad because she sounds so well-adjusted. Well she can remedy that because this site is full of randy single men who are anxious to email with some girl who does not have a S/O. (that means "significant other" and can mean either a man or a woman so it is very progressive just like me. I learned that reading my local alternative weekly while waiting for a sub sandwich.)
So the leading comment above is hard to read. If the woman is a bridezilla, that is good. If she is sad because she is not a bride, that is good too. I think.
posted by Mayor Peace Love and Unity at 9:46 PM on July 12, 2007 [12 favorites]
She should be allowed to be a bridezilla or anything else within reason at her wedding and no one should tell her different. She shouldn't be allowed to be, say, an archeopteryx, because things like that are impossible, but otherwise it is just for her and that's good.
She should be able to dance whatever she likes, including tribal dances (both African and Native American and even Irish if you like to think of them as tribal) and that is good.
Or maybe she is alone and that is sad because she sounds so well-adjusted. Well she can remedy that because this site is full of randy single men who are anxious to email with some girl who does not have a S/O. (that means "significant other" and can mean either a man or a woman so it is very progressive just like me. I learned that reading my local alternative weekly while waiting for a sub sandwich.)
So the leading comment above is hard to read. If the woman is a bridezilla, that is good. If she is sad because she is not a bride, that is good too. I think.
posted by Mayor Peace Love and Unity at 9:46 PM on July 12, 2007 [12 favorites]
I'm sure it's really helpful for the OP that a few girls are now hashing out their own SINGLES VS. MARRIEDS OMG entitlement issues in her post.
posted by thehmsbeagle at 9:46 PM on July 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by thehmsbeagle at 9:46 PM on July 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
GyOB BLUTH.
posted by blue_beetle at 9:51 PM on July 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
posted by blue_beetle at 9:51 PM on July 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
This is a private discussion that doesn't belong in the thread. Not sure it belongs here either. Can't you take it to email or something?
posted by vacapinta at 9:53 PM on July 12, 2007
posted by vacapinta at 9:53 PM on July 12, 2007
I do not understand any of this.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:53 PM on July 12, 2007
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:53 PM on July 12, 2007
Fixed the giganto post, first off. Second off, jesus christ is the site a tarpit tonight. Don't you people have homes?
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:56 PM on July 12, 2007 [4 favorites]
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:56 PM on July 12, 2007 [4 favorites]
I'll see your 'I do not understand any of this', and raise you one 'and it scares me'.
posted by pompomtom at 9:57 PM on July 12, 2007
posted by pompomtom at 9:57 PM on July 12, 2007
i've got a brilliant idea ... a new site called rantfilter ... we can start with the cleaning lady at my job and her displeasure at finding boogers on the wall by the urinals
posted by pyramid termite at 9:58 PM on July 12, 2007
posted by pyramid termite at 9:58 PM on July 12, 2007
Don't you people have homes?
No, but I have friends I-R-L.
At least, I assume I do.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:02 PM on July 12, 2007
No, but I have friends I-R-L.
At least, I assume I do.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:02 PM on July 12, 2007
*in I-R-L, goldarnit.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:03 PM on July 12, 2007
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:03 PM on July 12, 2007
That's it, I'm going to bed.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:04 PM on July 12, 2007
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:04 PM on July 12, 2007
Well cortex as we are all aware with the moon currently in Scorpio and the ghee in the ascending Venus, counter-positioned with doubting Pluto and the current rotation of Jupiter, the signs say that this rash of meta-talk madness was predictable.
posted by gomichild at 10:04 PM on July 12, 2007 [3 favorites]
posted by gomichild at 10:04 PM on July 12, 2007 [3 favorites]
Quiet, moonwitch!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:07 PM on July 12, 2007
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:07 PM on July 12, 2007
While we're on the topic, what in the name of holy Gorfong is up with Lost? For every one stinkin' answer there's like, I don't know, A BILLION AND FIFTEEN new questions. And then there's Stargate SG-1, which is all, like, "Hey, let's kill off the Asgard in a surprise development that takes place before the theme music even kicks in and has no emotional resonance whatsoever?" And then I'm over at Karlie's wedding and I'm thinking about how all my old fave shows are maxi suckfests these days, when Joe's mom, who is practically bonded with Captain Morgan at the molecular level, hops on on the table for this slow motion dance that a triple-jointed contortionist couldn't negotiate with six weeks' practice and a pulley system, which totally blitzes the whole vibe. It all just SUX. So, yeah, I totally agree with violetk. Even in kindergarten, when we called her indigoj, I knew she was something special. Word.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 10:11 PM on July 12, 2007 [3 favorites]
posted by Pater Aletheias at 10:11 PM on July 12, 2007 [3 favorites]
I agree with violetk completely.
I do have a home.
Also, that horoscope question should have been killed.
That is all.
posted by sageleaf at 10:30 PM on July 12, 2007
I do have a home.
Also, that horoscope question should have been killed.
That is all.
posted by sageleaf at 10:30 PM on July 12, 2007
Don't you people have homes?
what makes you think some here aren't in their homes?
posted by violetk at 10:47 PM on July 12, 2007
what makes you think some here aren't in their homes?
posted by violetk at 10:47 PM on July 12, 2007
Maybe violetk needs to be added to the WHONGAWHONGAWHONGA alert list.
posted by gomichild at 10:54 PM on July 12, 2007 [3 favorites]
posted by gomichild at 10:54 PM on July 12, 2007 [3 favorites]
Second off, jesus christ is the site a tarpit tonight. Don't you people have homes?
If you're really that upset, cortex, maybe you should start a metatalk thread about how you feel instead of shitting in someone else's thread. *snicker*
posted by carsonb at 10:57 PM on July 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
If you're really that upset, cortex, maybe you should start a metatalk thread about how you feel instead of shitting in someone else's thread. *snicker*
posted by carsonb at 10:57 PM on July 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
I'm so glad this wedding stuff is not in the male domain (except for same-sex folks here in Canada). Get up in the morning, put on the tux, slip the ring on, have your picture taken, eat some cake, dance a little, and drive away.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:22 PM on July 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by KokuRyu at 11:22 PM on July 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
The question is about mixed groups of singles and couples, not bridesmaidzillas. The whole bridesmaid discussion is a total derail.
posted by ottereroticist at 11:28 PM on July 12, 2007
posted by ottereroticist at 11:28 PM on July 12, 2007
Don't you people have homes?
Blimey! If it's chuck out time, why'd you serve me this pint of light and bitter.
posted by tellurian at 11:39 PM on July 12, 2007
Blimey! If it's chuck out time, why'd you serve me this pint of light and bitter.
posted by tellurian at 11:39 PM on July 12, 2007
The whole bridesmaid discussion is a total derail.
I thought that's why it was brought here?
posted by KokuRyu at 11:42 PM on July 12, 2007
I thought that's why it was brought here?
posted by KokuRyu at 11:42 PM on July 12, 2007
Right. violetk eventually showed some manners, but pineapple, obviously still smarting, has the bit in her teeth.
posted by ottereroticist at 11:48 PM on July 12, 2007
posted by ottereroticist at 11:48 PM on July 12, 2007
get a blog? heh - that whole dance-of-the-married people idea sounded so corny i thought it must have been lifted from the (sadly frozen in time) Veiled Conceit.
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:27 AM on July 13, 2007
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:27 AM on July 13, 2007
Cortex, just look at the crap buildup on this Askme. I want that crap stripped off, then I want it creamed and buffed, with a fine chamois, and I want it now, CHOP CHOP!!
posted by GooseOnTheLoose at 5:10 AM on July 13, 2007 [2 favorites]
posted by GooseOnTheLoose at 5:10 AM on July 13, 2007 [2 favorites]
Don't you people have homes?
Yes, but I'm stuck thrashing about in this tar pit.
posted by stevis23 at 5:21 AM on July 13, 2007
Yes, but I'm stuck thrashing about in this tar pit.
posted by stevis23 at 5:21 AM on July 13, 2007
Bah! I know this is supposed to be the funny part of the thread, but reading through pineapples' responses made me feel ranty, too.
I agree with pineapple that her friend's reaction was unreasonable, and that the dance was not an insult to single people (although I wonder if I, in a Common Law marriage, would be allowed to dance?). However, I am confused that she has concluded that for *some* people (presumably not her) all that matters is personal experience and that her personal example, being obviously related to the question, means the single/couple thing cannot be resolved.
Despite the attempts to claim that there is a clear relationship between a wedding and a walk or a dinner because there were single people and couples involved in both, these were not socially equivalent situations. If anonymous had posted that a group of single friends and relatives she was socializing with excluded her from the conversation and left her alone with no one to talk to on a walk or on a dinner, people would not be so quick to say that it was anonymous's problem and not the problem with the people involved. Being upset with being invited to socialize and then abandoned to one's self is quite reasonable and anyone who does the abandoning is breaking social convention and good behaviour regardless of their couple status.
posted by carmen at 6:54 AM on July 13, 2007 [1 favorite]
I agree with pineapple that her friend's reaction was unreasonable, and that the dance was not an insult to single people (although I wonder if I, in a Common Law marriage, would be allowed to dance?). However, I am confused that she has concluded that for *some* people (presumably not her) all that matters is personal experience and that her personal example, being obviously related to the question, means the single/couple thing cannot be resolved.
Despite the attempts to claim that there is a clear relationship between a wedding and a walk or a dinner because there were single people and couples involved in both, these were not socially equivalent situations. If anonymous had posted that a group of single friends and relatives she was socializing with excluded her from the conversation and left her alone with no one to talk to on a walk or on a dinner, people would not be so quick to say that it was anonymous's problem and not the problem with the people involved. Being upset with being invited to socialize and then abandoned to one's self is quite reasonable and anyone who does the abandoning is breaking social convention and good behaviour regardless of their couple status.
posted by carmen at 6:54 AM on July 13, 2007 [1 favorite]
I went to one wedding where they did that dance-of-the-married people thing, and one crazy couple simply refused to get off the dance floor at their appointed time. So in the end, it was just them (married only 15 years) and the 60 years married couple at the end. It was very strange. I guess people just get weird ideas in their heads at weddings.
posted by footnote at 7:05 AM on July 13, 2007
posted by footnote at 7:05 AM on July 13, 2007
I guess people just get weird ideas in their heads drunk at weddings.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:15 AM on July 13, 2007 [3 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:15 AM on July 13, 2007 [3 favorites]
I've seen the married couple dance, as well as a 'married people stand up, now people married under a year sit down' type thing for honouring the longest married couple--it's often an alternative way to give away the bouquet. I've always thought it was pretty touching, and never at all been concerned or annoyed that it was discriminatory against me as a single person.
I have occasionally wondered how it makes the recently divorced or widowed feel, though.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:26 AM on July 13, 2007
I have occasionally wondered how it makes the recently divorced or widowed feel, though.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:26 AM on July 13, 2007
I married my wife under a tree, no dancing. I am way more superior than everyone!
posted by Mister_A at 7:28 AM on July 13, 2007
posted by Mister_A at 7:28 AM on July 13, 2007
Also, single people are single because they're jerks.
posted by Mister_A at 7:30 AM on July 13, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by Mister_A at 7:30 AM on July 13, 2007 [1 favorite]
I love the Mayor Peace Love and Unity oeuvre. It's like the Colbert Report, but if Stephen Colbert's actual political affiliation was an old guard Maoist on the lunatic fringe, so the show is shifted about three and and half steps leftward to aim not just at what passes for the left in America, but the mainstream lefties who seem to be doing a pretty decent job running most of Europe.
I'm not sure if the seventeen people who share your worldview is a big enough political base to hold down a late night satire show, though, Curley.
posted by Kwine at 7:39 AM on July 13, 2007
I'm not sure if the seventeen people who share your worldview is a big enough political base to hold down a late night satire show, though, Curley.
posted by Kwine at 7:39 AM on July 13, 2007
I've seen it used to give away the bouquet too, and it was a good bit less hilarious demeaning than watching all the single women in attendance claw each other's eyes out for the superstitious "right" to be married next.
posted by Partial Law at 8:18 AM on July 13, 2007
posted by Partial Law at 8:18 AM on July 13, 2007
hee hee
you know, i'm kinda new to metaland, and i kinda had a feeling i might start something by calling out pineapple on her wedding reception choices (it's right up there with criticizing people's kids, i know) but i had no IDEA the response would have legs like this.
you people are awesome.
posted by smallstatic at 9:02 AM on July 13, 2007
you know, i'm kinda new to metaland, and i kinda had a feeling i might start something by calling out pineapple on her wedding reception choices (it's right up there with criticizing people's kids, i know) but i had no IDEA the response would have legs like this.
you people are awesome.
posted by smallstatic at 9:02 AM on July 13, 2007
so the show is shifted about three and and half steps leftward to aim not just at what passes for the left in America, but the mainstream lefties who seem to be doing a pretty decent job running most of Europe.
I assure you that I was only aiming for American liberals. The European left generally has teeth and objectives that are more than cosmetically different from its opposition. And I respect that.
But a sincere thanks for recognizing that I'm coming from the Left, because a lot of people don't.
posted by Mayor Curley at 9:07 AM on July 13, 2007
I assure you that I was only aiming for American liberals. The European left generally has teeth and objectives that are more than cosmetically different from its opposition. And I respect that.
But a sincere thanks for recognizing that I'm coming from the Left, because a lot of people don't.
posted by Mayor Curley at 9:07 AM on July 13, 2007
I married my wife under a tree, no dancing. I am way more superior than everyone!
I married my husband in a cold, rainy dog park. There were kazoos. Also no dancing. That's kind of superior, right?
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 9:17 AM on July 13, 2007
Also, single people are single because they're jerks.
Mister_A? As a single woman, I am ashamed of you. You KNOW that's not true. And do you know how I know? THIS IS HOW I KNOW.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:37 AM on July 13, 2007
Mister_A? As a single woman, I am ashamed of you. You KNOW that's not true. And do you know how I know? THIS IS HOW I KNOW.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:37 AM on July 13, 2007
"I married my wife under a tree, no dancing. I am way more superior than everyone!"
I married your wife in a simple Mormon ceremony where we microwaved our secret underwear together.
posted by klangklangston at 9:40 AM on July 13, 2007 [2 favorites]
I married your wife in a simple Mormon ceremony where we microwaved our secret underwear together.
posted by klangklangston at 9:40 AM on July 13, 2007 [2 favorites]
Also, single people are single because they're jerks.It's true. I know I am.
posted by small_ruminant at 10:32 AM on July 13, 2007
My parents were the last couple standing in a "married for how long" dance two months ago.
And today is their 39th wedding anniversary.
That's all I have to say.
posted by Lucinda at 11:27 AM on July 13, 2007
And today is their 39th wedding anniversary.
That's all I have to say.
posted by Lucinda at 11:27 AM on July 13, 2007
Dammit miss lynnster, how did I fall for that?
Also, klangklangston, if that is your real name, you are now on the list!
posted by Mister_A at 12:02 PM on July 13, 2007
Also, klangklangston, if that is your real name, you are now on the list!
posted by Mister_A at 12:02 PM on July 13, 2007
Also, single people are single because they're jerks.
No, no, nooo! I'm single because I keep killing and eating my lovers.
D'uh...!
asshole.
posted by LordSludge at 12:29 PM on July 13, 2007
No, no, nooo! I'm single because I keep killing and eating my lovers.
D'uh...!
asshole.
posted by LordSludge at 12:29 PM on July 13, 2007
My wife and I jumped on a trampoline on our wedding. She was wearing a wedding dress, and I was wearing a tux. This does not make us superior, but it does make us goofy.
posted by KokuRyu at 1:10 PM on July 13, 2007
posted by KokuRyu at 1:10 PM on July 13, 2007
"i kinda had a feeling i might start something by calling out pineapple on her wedding reception choices (it's right up there with criticizing people's kids, i know) but i had no IDEA the response would have legs like this"
I'll clarify since you missed it in the coy, self-congratulatory haze of your "call out": I didn't actually make the choice. I merely floated the idea in the months before the wedding, and my friend lost her shit over it. I was perfectly able to recognize that one silly dance idea is not worth my friendship, even if I thought she reacted inappropriately and wasn't being a particular good friend to me over it. I took the higher road and dropped the idea instantly.
I will always believe my friend overreacted -- not because it's wrong for her to have been upset by the dance, but because immediately threatening to drop out of my wedding is emotional blackmail, and not the way grown-ups communicate in healthy, mature relationships.
And if you think this is "legs," you might want to give yourself a skosh more time "in metaland" before awarding yourself a trophy. This is child's play for both the green and the grey.
"Despite the attempts to claim that there is a clear relationship between a wedding and a walk or a dinner because there were single people and couples involved in both, these were not socially equivalent situations."
I never tried to draw the equivalent. In fact, as someone else noted in the thread, the OP's walk after dinner is not like a wedding, and that if there's one place where couples should get a pass on pair-bond behavior, it's a wedding reception.
My whole goal of the anecdote was to point out that I experienced a single friend deciding that a couples-only activity would somehow indicate that I thought her less of a person and didn't respect her, which she demonstrated by throwing a tantrum. To my read, that fufilled the request by the OP when she said, "What are your experiences, as a single and as a couple? Have you felt the same way, and how do you deal with it? Do you ever change your behavior according to circumstances/present company?"
That other people chose to get hung up on the wedding/bridal aspect of the anecdote (and God knows that topic comes with its own whole set of matching monogrammed baggage these days) is hardly a "bit in my teeth."
"Brides can do whatever they want" is a derail and was never part of my point, and I called it out as such in the thread. "That there exist singles with super-sensitive feelings means that all couples-only activities, even at what is arguably the one event above all others designed to celebrate marrying," is still on topic as far as I'm concerned.
My suggestion that all couples' dances at weddings should clearly be cancelled in favor of catering to the sensitive singles at weddings was sarcasm, for those of you that missed it -- to point out the sublime silliness of the granular distinction that the anniversary dance would have been made acceptable depending on what second of the song the newlyweds left the floor and what the particular emotional state and recent single/couple interactions of one particular poster had been just prior to the wedding in question. I thought it was pretty tongue-in-cheek. Sorry to have confused those of you looking for low-hanging fruit.
"However, I am confused that she has concluded that for *some* people (presumably not her) all that matters is personal experience and that her personal example, being obviously related to the question, means the single/couple thing cannot be resolved."
carmen, I am only partially sure I understand your question but will be happy to try and clarify.
I do not believe that the single/couple thing can't be resolved simply because of my own experience. I believe that it can't be resolved because it's too soft and subjective an issue, as evidenced by the differing opinions right there in the thread -- "OP needs to get over it," "aunt and co. were rude," "a marrieds-only dance is sweet," "a marrieds-only dance means that pineapple is an asshole," etc. To my mind, the pretty equal split of "couples are insensitive assholes" vs. "singles are insecure and overly sensitive" demonstrate that there's no easy right answer, at least not here in the venue of discussion.
My own choice in real life remains to defer to the overly-sensitive regardless of marital status, even at my own cost, but I don't deign to believe that it's the right choice for everyone.
posted by pineapple at 1:29 PM on July 13, 2007 [1 favorite]
I'll clarify since you missed it in the coy, self-congratulatory haze of your "call out": I didn't actually make the choice. I merely floated the idea in the months before the wedding, and my friend lost her shit over it. I was perfectly able to recognize that one silly dance idea is not worth my friendship, even if I thought she reacted inappropriately and wasn't being a particular good friend to me over it. I took the higher road and dropped the idea instantly.
I will always believe my friend overreacted -- not because it's wrong for her to have been upset by the dance, but because immediately threatening to drop out of my wedding is emotional blackmail, and not the way grown-ups communicate in healthy, mature relationships.
And if you think this is "legs," you might want to give yourself a skosh more time "in metaland" before awarding yourself a trophy. This is child's play for both the green and the grey.
"Despite the attempts to claim that there is a clear relationship between a wedding and a walk or a dinner because there were single people and couples involved in both, these were not socially equivalent situations."
I never tried to draw the equivalent. In fact, as someone else noted in the thread, the OP's walk after dinner is not like a wedding, and that if there's one place where couples should get a pass on pair-bond behavior, it's a wedding reception.
My whole goal of the anecdote was to point out that I experienced a single friend deciding that a couples-only activity would somehow indicate that I thought her less of a person and didn't respect her, which she demonstrated by throwing a tantrum. To my read, that fufilled the request by the OP when she said, "What are your experiences, as a single and as a couple? Have you felt the same way, and how do you deal with it? Do you ever change your behavior according to circumstances/present company?"
That other people chose to get hung up on the wedding/bridal aspect of the anecdote (and God knows that topic comes with its own whole set of matching monogrammed baggage these days) is hardly a "bit in my teeth."
"Brides can do whatever they want" is a derail and was never part of my point, and I called it out as such in the thread. "That there exist singles with super-sensitive feelings means that all couples-only activities, even at what is arguably the one event above all others designed to celebrate marrying," is still on topic as far as I'm concerned.
My suggestion that all couples' dances at weddings should clearly be cancelled in favor of catering to the sensitive singles at weddings was sarcasm, for those of you that missed it -- to point out the sublime silliness of the granular distinction that the anniversary dance would have been made acceptable depending on what second of the song the newlyweds left the floor and what the particular emotional state and recent single/couple interactions of one particular poster had been just prior to the wedding in question. I thought it was pretty tongue-in-cheek. Sorry to have confused those of you looking for low-hanging fruit.
"However, I am confused that she has concluded that for *some* people (presumably not her) all that matters is personal experience and that her personal example, being obviously related to the question, means the single/couple thing cannot be resolved."
carmen, I am only partially sure I understand your question but will be happy to try and clarify.
I do not believe that the single/couple thing can't be resolved simply because of my own experience. I believe that it can't be resolved because it's too soft and subjective an issue, as evidenced by the differing opinions right there in the thread -- "OP needs to get over it," "aunt and co. were rude," "a marrieds-only dance is sweet," "a marrieds-only dance means that pineapple is an asshole," etc. To my mind, the pretty equal split of "couples are insensitive assholes" vs. "singles are insecure and overly sensitive" demonstrate that there's no easy right answer, at least not here in the venue of discussion.
My own choice in real life remains to defer to the overly-sensitive regardless of marital status, even at my own cost, but I don't deign to believe that it's the right choice for everyone.
posted by pineapple at 1:29 PM on July 13, 2007 [1 favorite]
We're missing what's important here. The use of "bridezilla" as any part of speech (bridzilla-ism?!) must be resisted by every patriotic American. It is not a real word, people.
posted by nanojath at 1:42 PM on July 13, 2007
posted by nanojath at 1:42 PM on July 13, 2007
..."couples are insensitive assholes" vs. "singles are insecure and overly sensitive"...
I guess what it all boils down to is that no matter where we are in life and no matter who we are as people, we are all equal creatures if only by the fact that in someone's eyes we are total assholes who suck.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:48 PM on July 13, 2007 [4 favorites]
I guess what it all boils down to is that no matter where we are in life and no matter who we are as people, we are all equal creatures if only by the fact that in someone's eyes we are total assholes who suck.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:48 PM on July 13, 2007 [4 favorites]
That other people chose to get hung up on the wedding/bridal aspect of the anecdote...is hardly a "bit in my teeth."
Perhaps not. But you responding to them, continuing the derail at mind-numbing length? Horse gone, over the hedges, dragging the rider by one boot.
It just kind of feels like you hijacked the thread to process your hurt feelings about your jerky bridesmaid. At somewhat mind-numbing length. And are continuing to do so, in fact.
posted by ottereroticist at 1:57 PM on July 13, 2007
Perhaps not. But you responding to them, continuing the derail at mind-numbing length? Horse gone, over the hedges, dragging the rider by one boot.
It just kind of feels like you hijacked the thread to process your hurt feelings about your jerky bridesmaid. At somewhat mind-numbing length. And are continuing to do so, in fact.
posted by ottereroticist at 1:57 PM on July 13, 2007
Sorry for the repeated "mind-numbing" -- bad editing.
posted by ottereroticist at 1:58 PM on July 13, 2007
posted by ottereroticist at 1:58 PM on July 13, 2007
It just kind of feels like you hijacked the thread to process your hurt feelings about your jerky bridesmaid. At somewhat mind-numbing length. And are continuing to do so, in fact.
Interesting. I see it more like: I was answering the question that the OP asked, with my own relevant experience; discussion on that experience ensued, not all of which was relevant to the original question.
I can certainly see where someone could choose to read it another way (although I still don't see where MyAnswerIsBetterThanYours-ism justifies your tacky insults upthread). I'm sure that if enough people agreed with you that my comments had no merit in the thread, then the comments would have been flagged and appropriately deleted.
Since this was a classic TherapyFilter AskMe to begin with, it's a bit specious to get all snotty over whether I spent your personal pre-approved amount of HTML answering it. Ditto for MeTa and responding to direct "callouts." The whole thread is people discussing their feelings, including the poster, so if that makes you twitchy, maybe you should stick to the non-touchy-feely questions in the future.
posted by pineapple at 3:44 PM on July 13, 2007 [1 favorite]
Interesting. I see it more like: I was answering the question that the OP asked, with my own relevant experience; discussion on that experience ensued, not all of which was relevant to the original question.
I can certainly see where someone could choose to read it another way (although I still don't see where MyAnswerIsBetterThanYours-ism justifies your tacky insults upthread). I'm sure that if enough people agreed with you that my comments had no merit in the thread, then the comments would have been flagged and appropriately deleted.
Since this was a classic TherapyFilter AskMe to begin with, it's a bit specious to get all snotty over whether I spent your personal pre-approved amount of HTML answering it. Ditto for MeTa and responding to direct "callouts." The whole thread is people discussing their feelings, including the poster, so if that makes you twitchy, maybe you should stick to the non-touchy-feely questions in the future.
posted by pineapple at 3:44 PM on July 13, 2007 [1 favorite]
Bridesmaidzillas? oh man.
Miss Lynnster, you broke my eyesight with that Corey video, damn you!
posted by bitter-girl.com at 3:47 PM on July 13, 2007
Miss Lynnster, you broke my eyesight with that Corey video, damn you!
posted by bitter-girl.com at 3:47 PM on July 13, 2007
Shhhhhhhhhh... I don't want cortex to ban me for Haimburgling...
posted by miss lynnster at 4:34 PM on July 13, 2007
posted by miss lynnster at 4:34 PM on July 13, 2007
and that if there's one place where couples should get a pass on pair-bond behavior, it's a wedding reception
This isn't directed at you specifically, pineapple. The above line reminds me of a wedding tendency that especially sucks for singles. In order to save costs, some weddings don't allow singles to bring a guest. You can come as two if you're married, but otherwise, no built-in dance partner for you. That practice takes some of the comfort and fun out of attending the celebration, and can especially highlight the downside of being single.
posted by xo at 5:29 PM on July 13, 2007
This isn't directed at you specifically, pineapple. The above line reminds me of a wedding tendency that especially sucks for singles. In order to save costs, some weddings don't allow singles to bring a guest. You can come as two if you're married, but otherwise, no built-in dance partner for you. That practice takes some of the comfort and fun out of attending the celebration, and can especially highlight the downside of being single.
posted by xo at 5:29 PM on July 13, 2007
Traditionally speaking, single people aren't invited to bring guests to any kind of celebration. Practically the whole point of going to other people's parties and weddings is to meet people, so that you can, in the future, come as one of the smug married couples instead. So the reality is more that 'Because they recognize that relationships are increasingly casual and less likely to be formalized, more and more people are allowing single guests to invite their own companion, even if that person is otherwise unknown to the bride and groom and would not otherwise get their own invitation.'
posted by jacquilynne at 6:05 PM on July 13, 2007
posted by jacquilynne at 6:05 PM on July 13, 2007
You win the mean-girl pissing match, pineapple -- I'm obviously out of my league.
How about this. You carry on with any anecdote that comes to mind in touchy-feely Ask Mes, and I'll just avoid the ones you're in.
posted by ottereroticist at 6:32 PM on July 13, 2007
How about this. You carry on with any anecdote that comes to mind in touchy-feely Ask Mes, and I'll just avoid the ones you're in.
posted by ottereroticist at 6:32 PM on July 13, 2007
Dancing or not dancing at weddings is a danger-fraught activity for the unmarried, pineapple; weren't Cinderella's step-sisters forced to dance in red hot shoes at her wedding in the original Grimm version? Plus, in England it was a custom in some places for at least a hundred years or so in the 19th & 20th centuries that an unmarried older sister would have to dance barefoot in a pig's trough at a younger sister's wedding.
posted by jamjam at 11:33 PM on July 13, 2007
posted by jamjam at 11:33 PM on July 13, 2007
Well. I have been the single guy a lot of times. Normally once the "third wheel" problem kicks in, I order a drink, inspect the brushwork on the artwork, go to the bathroom to fix my hair or otherwise try to at least fix the optics of the situation until it blows over. In extreme cases, I can make up a story that I was just paged.....
Weddings and other couple oriented gatherings can be a different matter sometimes. All the love and romance of the those times can make me feel like I did when I was a baseball player and would strike out, except I am being struck out by the three billion female inhabitants of Earth, and playing baseball isn't hard-wired into my genetic code. That said, if I was going to have a meltdown I would do it privately and chances are people wouldn't know about it. So I am going to give the benefit of the doubt and bring up the possibility that that the third-wheel-who-melts-down-or-selfish was somehow denied the dignified exit (maybe because of some other obligation to you), felt cornered and came out like a wounded animal.
Oh yes, my standard response to the "why no gf" question is "I don't know.... too ugly I guess".
posted by Deep Dish at 11:44 PM on July 13, 2007
Weddings and other couple oriented gatherings can be a different matter sometimes. All the love and romance of the those times can make me feel like I did when I was a baseball player and would strike out, except I am being struck out by the three billion female inhabitants of Earth, and playing baseball isn't hard-wired into my genetic code. That said, if I was going to have a meltdown I would do it privately and chances are people wouldn't know about it. So I am going to give the benefit of the doubt and bring up the possibility that that the third-wheel-who-melts-down-or-selfish was somehow denied the dignified exit (maybe because of some other obligation to you), felt cornered and came out like a wounded animal.
Oh yes, my standard response to the "why no gf" question is "I don't know.... too ugly I guess".
posted by Deep Dish at 11:44 PM on July 13, 2007
When I wasn't single, I tried to be considerate of that fact but I also wouldn't engage in "being single is so terrible!" kvelling...
Kvetch vs. kvell.
posted by ottereroticist at 2:47 PM on July 14, 2007
Kvetch vs. kvell.
posted by ottereroticist at 2:47 PM on July 14, 2007
I guess what it all boils down to is that no matter where we are in life and no matter who we are as people, we are all equal creatures if only by the fact that in someone's eyes we are total assholes who suck.*wipes away tear* I think we've all learned something on this Very Special Episode of MetaTalk.
In order to save costs, some weddings don't allow singles to bring a guest.Wow, that's extremely rude. I don't think I would accept such an invitation.
posted by hattifattener at 7:50 PM on July 14, 2007
Wow, that's extremely rude. I don't think I would accept such an invitation.
wow, yeah, it's called: having a choice. theirs to not pay for ppl they don't want to pay for and yours for not going.
posted by violetk at 4:15 PM on July 15, 2007
wow, yeah, it's called: having a choice. theirs to not pay for ppl they don't want to pay for and yours for not going.
posted by violetk at 4:15 PM on July 15, 2007
I think I'd exercise my choice by bringing along a pet ferret. They don't count as guests, do they?
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:24 PM on July 15, 2007
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:24 PM on July 15, 2007
Oh, and:
MetaFilter: in someone's eyes we are total assholes who suck.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:25 PM on July 15, 2007
MetaFilter: in someone's eyes we are total assholes who suck.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:25 PM on July 15, 2007
I think I'd exercise my choice by bringing along a pet ferret.
well, if that is one of the choices on the RSVP card, then by all means. but usually, the choice is: go or not go.
asshole. heh.
posted by violetk at 8:28 PM on July 15, 2007
well, if that is one of the choices on the RSVP card, then by all means. but usually, the choice is: go or not go.
asshole. heh.
posted by violetk at 8:28 PM on July 15, 2007
another option is to go alone, but eat & drink enough for two.
and RSVP I've always interpreted as "remember squirmy, vicious pets!"
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:36 PM on July 15, 2007 [1 favorite]
and RSVP I've always interpreted as "remember squirmy, vicious pets!"
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:36 PM on July 15, 2007 [1 favorite]
I have occasionally wondered how it makes the recently divorced or widowed feel, though.
At one wedding I went to, an older man broke down in tears. I found out later he had recently been widowed.
posted by canine epigram at 12:01 PM on July 16, 2007
Well, fuck him. He should have tried harder to go the distance! That could have been him out there on that floor being feted.
posted by thehmsbeagle at 1:51 PM on July 16, 2007
posted by thehmsbeagle at 1:51 PM on July 16, 2007
We're missing what's important here. The use of "real word" as any level of phrase (real-word-ism?!) must be resisted by every patriotic descriptivist. It is LINGUISTZILLA BAIT, people.
posted by eritain at 5:43 PM on July 16, 2007
posted by eritain at 5:43 PM on July 16, 2007
Not to make light of anyone's social problems, but I was out in Portland with Melissa May and Sleepy Pete and some other friends and we noticed that we were acting out the OPs dilemma (except the asshole part). We did a dramatic recreation. Sometimes 1 picture is worth a thousand words.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:12 AM on July 18, 2007
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:12 AM on July 18, 2007
10,000 words in my opinion. You look so relaxed in what what so obviously an uncomfortable position.
posted by tellurian at 8:29 AM on July 18, 2007
posted by tellurian at 8:29 AM on July 18, 2007
Mod note: I had the wrong image in there originally, might want to check it again tellurian -- I PROMISE no rickroll
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:31 AM on July 18, 2007
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:31 AM on July 18, 2007
Yes, that works too, but the first was apt.
I had to look up rickroll - are we making up words for everything?
posted by tellurian at 8:42 AM on July 18, 2007
I had to look up rickroll - are we making up words for everything?
posted by tellurian at 8:42 AM on July 18, 2007
Sometimes 1 picture is worth a thousand words.
And sometimes words are worth a thousand pictures. Social Software! Pure genius!
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:33 PM on July 18, 2007
And sometimes words are worth a thousand pictures. Social Software! Pure genius!
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:33 PM on July 18, 2007
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I must disagree.
Severely.
As in, like, BRIDEZILLAS MAKE HULK SMASH is the kind of disagreement we're talking about here.
See Bad Wedding Ideas, on the other website worth reading. This explains it better than I could. Suffice it to say that I endorse every word. posted by eritain at 8:33 PM on July 12 [+] [!]
i'm not advocating bridzilla-ism by making the statement about pineapple being well within the rights to ask for that dance at her own damn wedding because it's…her own damned wedding and her friend's reaction to two and a half minutes of pineapple's wedding was completely over the fucking top. i would never do that to a close friend. it's her wedding, her freaking day and it's not as though she asked for something unreasonable nor was she being a bridezilla as far as one can tell. she wanted a dance for fuckssake! how is that being unreasonable??
that said, i still stand by ppl being able to do whatever the fuck they want. and other ppl not participating if they think it is unreasonable.
(and p.s.: i myself have no desire to have a wedding, partially to avoid all of these idiocies.)
posted by violetk at 9:31 PM on July 12, 2007