Bears, baby. All the way, bears.

July 2, 2007 5:01 PM

This is a great freakin question. I'd just like to use it to once more point out that we really should be able to reopen this discussion for a more full, rounded finalization.
posted by allkindsoftime to Etiquette/Policy at 5:01 PM (33 comments total)

I'll gladly volunteer my question this week to re-posit it on the green with a "for the purposes of a work of fiction" intro.
posted by allkindsoftime at 5:01 PM on July 2, 2007

uh o. mom's comin.
posted by The Deej at 5:06 PM on July 2, 2007

no. quit it.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:08 PM on July 2, 2007 [2 favorites]

Bears don't have opposable thumbs, so that makes it a hassle to use the space bar - so even if the internet survived Armageddon and the bears defeated the primates, it wouldn't matter because everythingtheytypedwouldlooklikethis.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:08 PM on July 2, 2007

told ya. nyah nyah.
posted by The Deej at 5:10 PM on July 2, 2007

Come on down to the Portland meetup. We'll stage an informal round-table on the subject.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:16 PM on July 2, 2007

Come on down to the Portland meetup. We'll stage an informal round-table on the subject.

At which I will informally beat your ass for continuing to ask this question.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:18 PM on July 2, 2007 [1 favorite]

At which I will informally beat your ass for continuing to ask this question.
posted by jessamyn

Aww c'mon jess. Do it formally. I want to see you whup some ass in pink taffeta. And YOU can wear pink taffeta too if you want.
posted by The Deej at 5:24 PM on July 2, 2007

and the librarian sez, "fifty bucks, same as in town."
posted by boo_radley at 5:25 PM on July 2, 2007

Whoa. Okay, so I follow this entry to the one back in January, and I follow that one back to the one about what would happen to skyscrapers if people disappeared, and the link from there to a very similar question, and then I get bored and head over to Kottke and he's got a link to a book about what would happen to skyscrapers if people disappeared.

It's like total Karma upon my spirit, man!

The point here being that presumably if you wait long enough someone will write a book about the Bear v. Monkey debate. I think.
posted by L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg at 5:33 PM on July 2, 2007

Not if they can't do the research, they won't.
posted by Partial Law at 5:44 PM on July 2, 2007 [1 favorite]

Question: What kind of bear is best?
posted by eyeballkid at 5:44 PM on July 2, 2007 [1 favorite]

Bear: What kind of question is best?

Monkey: I dunno, I'm just a monkey who wants it all and I want it now.
posted by davejay at 5:54 PM on July 2, 2007

Monkey and Bear Live in Philadelphia PA [note: rickroll free link]
posted by chuckdarwin at 5:59 PM on July 2, 2007

The PMS evolution question wasn't for a work of fiction, but some of the answers might as well be.
posted by grouse at 6:04 PM on July 2, 2007

I don't think that the Internet question, while phrased in a hypothetical manner, is not quite hypothetical as it could be interpreted as asking "Is the Internet capable of sustaining a nuclear attack?"

I suppose the deleted question may be posed in a similar manner but I'd imagine it'd be a bit more tricky and subjective.
posted by champthom at 6:19 PM on July 2, 2007

Monkey vs. Bear is so passe. Give me Monkey vs. Robot!
posted by vronsky at 6:24 PM on July 2, 2007

Bear vs. Robot

I think we're very close to an alternative Roshambo.
posted by L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg at 6:33 PM on July 2, 2007

Monkey vs. Robot

Monkey vs. The Robots
posted by vronsky at 6:34 PM on July 2, 2007

The thing is, the original poster has a certain luxury when it comes to discussing subjects like this . . .
posted by Nabubrush at 6:58 PM on July 2, 2007

Are bears capable of sustaining a monkey attack?
posted by blacklite at 7:40 PM on July 2, 2007

Monkeys. Duh.
This isn't even a question.
posted by Methylviolet at 8:55 PM on July 2, 2007

Monkey was Andy Samburg. Cool.

You so crazy methylviolet. Robot throw monkey off roof. Game over man.
posted by vronsky at 9:18 PM on July 2, 2007

we are all just monkeys with car keys.
posted by exlotuseater at 9:38 PM on July 2, 2007

Depends, does the bear have any kryptonite?
Has the bear been training against a young man armed only with a knife?
How many 5 year old bear cubs are we talking about here?
Would the bears properly dispose of our bodies?
Could they track us down using old phone books?
posted by blue_beetle at 10:29 PM on July 2, 2007

When I play timesplitters, the monkeys totally pwn the T-rexes, so I'm thinking they could handle some bears. Just sayin'.
posted by misha at 11:09 AM on July 3, 2007

So... is the point of this post to request a whatif.metafilter.com with 1 question per user per lifetime? Or to provoke admins? Or both?
posted by Tehanu at 1:20 PM on July 3, 2007

Primates are capable of pack aggression, whereas bears are usually solitary. Primates can throw feces and sometimes use tools to hunt or kill. Primates can register sockpuppet accounts to re-ask primate vs. bear questions over and over, bears cannot.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:13 PM on July 3, 2007

Are we doing this? We're not really doing this.

Are we?
posted by The Deej at 4:30 PM on July 3, 2007

Are we not men?

We are mefi.

M-E-F-I.
posted by vronsky at 9:10 PM on July 3, 2007 [1 favorite]

There's nothing wrong with being a bear...
posted by matty at 9:55 PM on July 3, 2007

Algy met a bear
the bear was bulgy
the bulge was Algy

.
posted by esilenna at 4:38 AM on July 4, 2007

Bear vs Monkey? I have a series of photos from some European safari park/zoo where a bear got into the monkey enclosure and attacked a macaque or barbary ape, or some such. Let's just say the ape got pwned.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 6:21 PM on July 4, 2007