Rolex! Five dollar!

June 27, 2007 1:44 PM

I don't want to break the law, I'm just curious where I could go if I did.
posted by miss lynnster to Etiquette/Policy at 1:44 PM (73 comments total)

So? Stop being cryptic. What's your objection?
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 1:51 PM on June 27, 2007

I thought people would learn that there is no special feature in MeTa that grants us the power of clairvoyance...

However, my Sherlock Holmes-esque power of deduction leads me to believe you have some sort of... problem with this AskMe, yes?
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 1:55 PM on June 27, 2007

I don't want to make any bombs, I'm just curious how I could if I did.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:56 PM on June 27, 2007

Oh man! This would be the perfect time for someone to use that joke "Use your words!" I hope someone does!
posted by shmegegge at 2:00 PM on June 27, 2007

I don't want to break the law, I'm just curious where I could go if I did.

Jail.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:00 PM on June 27, 2007 [7 favorites]

Well, I thought we weren't supposed to have AskMes about illegal stuff. If I'm wrong, then okay... close the thread. Just seems a bit odd to me to try pointing out the best chop shops and counterfeiters in Portland just for innocent fun.
posted by miss lynnster at 2:02 PM on June 27, 2007

I don't want to call someone out with a relatively specious justification; I'm just curious what would happen if I did.
posted by modernnomad at 2:03 PM on June 27, 2007

"Use your words?" Do I win anything?

Also, the answer to both questions is cortex's mom's house.
posted by sleepy pete at 2:04 PM on June 27, 2007

Frankly, I thought it was a pretty interesting question. If you don't live in NYC, or Los Angeles, or in close proximity to Mexico, it might be hard to see for yourself what a fake handbag or Fila shirt looks like.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 2:04 PM on June 27, 2007

Oh, no I don't. I used the question mark rather than the exclamation point. Damn.
posted by sleepy pete at 2:05 PM on June 27, 2007

Cortex: Is it odd of me to own that book?

Is it stranger if I mention it actually belongs to my dad?
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 2:05 PM on June 27, 2007

My hope is that the Portland police are actually behind that thread, and they're just reeeeaaaaally hoping no one catches on.
posted by Ms. Saint at 2:05 PM on June 27, 2007

Funny, I would say this is one of the few times in life where I've been ASKED to use my words. I generally use too many so in my old age I'm trying to learn to be more frugal with them.
posted by miss lynnster at 2:06 PM on June 27, 2007

"Use your words?" Do I win anything?

My never ending ire.
posted by shmegegge at 2:06 PM on June 27, 2007

Miss lynnster: Nah, use them while you can. They're free.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 2:07 PM on June 27, 2007

It's not quite so cut and dried as "no questions about illegal stuff", as has been brought up pretty much every time there's a thread like this. It might be that Matt or Jess will think it's problematic for the site or really against the spirit of AskMe, and if folks think so and flag it that will help force the issue, but there is no blanket proscription on legally questionable stuff.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:08 PM on June 27, 2007

Funny, I would say this is one of the few times in life where I've been ASKED to use my words.

for my part, i was actually just trying to prevent "Use your words" from being the predictable in joke that gets abused until it isn't funny. like plate of beans.
posted by shmegegge at 2:09 PM on June 27, 2007

I think the rule is against people using AskMe to facilitate lawbreaking, largely because that may put both Matt and anyone who answers the question on shaky legal ground.

I doubt it's illegal in Oregon to visit a market for counterfeit goods with the intention only of wandering around and seeing what such markets are like. By extension, it's probably not illegal to help someone do that.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 2:09 PM on June 27, 2007

I doubt it's illegal in Oregon to visit a market for counterfeit goods with the intention only of wandering around and seeing what such markets are like.

Only if it's counterfeit Patchouli.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:12 PM on June 27, 2007

I mean, as someone pointed out above there's counterfeit stuff all over LA & NYC so maybe it's not that illegal, I don't know. It just sounded odd to me. You can close this I guess.
posted by miss lynnster at 2:12 PM on June 27, 2007

Aww shucks, thanks for puttin' on the Junior Crimefighting Hall Monitor badge today, miss lynster, the world is finally safe again. Keep up the good work.
posted by cmonkey at 2:15 PM on June 27, 2007 [5 favorites]

MPDSEA pretty much has it. The general guideline is "what could bring the man down on our ass?" or, rather, mathowie's ass. Here are some guidelines.

how does p2p software work = okay
how do I pirate this DVD = not okay
how can I make meth = not okay
does meth make you crazy or was my girlfriend always this way = okay
anyone have a piratebay login = not okay
how can I crack fee-based airport wifi = not okay (but if anyone has good advice, email me)
how does wifi authentication work = okay
warez questions generally = usually not okay
file-sharing questions generally = usually okay, case-by-case basis

Really they're usually on a case by case basis and this one seems okay to me but mathowie is the final arbiter of "possibly lawbreaking" threads in AskMe usually.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:15 PM on June 27, 2007

cmonkey's doing research and also looking for amusing knock-off names (i.e. "Scony" etc.).
posted by mochi crunk at 2:19 PM on June 27, 2007

Right, I should have mentioned that I am "researching for a book" because that seems to immediately make everything OK.
posted by cmonkey at 2:21 PM on June 27, 2007

the bad guys don't seem to be the customers, but rather the counterfeiters. if this were how do i get away with selling this stuff without getting busted that might not be ok, but buying it seems fine to me.
posted by caddis at 2:26 PM on June 27, 2007

There wouldn't be counterfeiters if there were no customers, though.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 2:27 PM on June 27, 2007

but buying it seems fine to me.

Unless I'm very mistaken, that would still be illegal.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 2:29 PM on June 27, 2007

Unless that book is "If I Did It".
posted by Challahtronix at 2:29 PM on June 27, 2007

if I needed to get rid of a body, how would I do it?
posted by exlotuseater at 2:30 PM on June 27, 2007

Preview, preview, preview- my "If I Did It" comment was in response to cmonkey's "Right, I should have mentioned that I am "researching for a book" because that seems to immediately make everything OK."
posted by Challahtronix at 2:30 PM on June 27, 2007

What is "use your words" from, anyway? I recall hearing it in a movie, addressed to a child, but I don't remember which film. (Not that that was necessarily the first use...)
posted by cribcage at 2:37 PM on June 27, 2007

if I needed to get rid of a body, how would I do it? = okay
miss lynnster, uh, expired in my apartment and I'd like to make sure nobody knows about it = not okay
posted by wendell at 2:38 PM on June 27, 2007

"My never ending ire."


I've seen your ire schmeggege, and it ain't all that. It is actually kinda small as ire's go. Just sayin.
posted by vronsky at 2:40 PM on June 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

I don't want to have a good time, I'm just curious what number I could call if I did.
posted by turaho at 2:42 PM on June 27, 2007

I don't want to have a good time

You're in the right place.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:46 PM on June 27, 2007 [3 favorites]

Would I get into any trouble if I hold up a big sign that says "Bong Hits 4 Jesus"? = okay
Would I get into any trouble if I advocate assassinating a Presidential candidate on national TV? = shut up, Ann.

"We want you to make good choices, Robby, even if, one day, they're overturned by the Supreme Court."
posted by wendell at 2:54 PM on June 27, 2007

867-5309
posted by vronsky at 2:55 PM on June 27, 2007

What is "use your words" from, anyway?

I said it recently here in MeTa and people seemed to think it was amusing. I have no idea where I heard it originally. Urban Dictionary is amusing on the topic.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:56 PM on June 27, 2007

What is "use your words" from, anyway?

I always assumed people were just imitating jessamyn from here. That's where I first saw it. But apparently it's one of those new expressions
posted by DarkForest at 3:00 PM on June 27, 2007

ouch, I guess I'm too slow...
posted by DarkForest at 3:00 PM on June 27, 2007

that was uncanny.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 3:02 PM on June 27, 2007

I first heard "use your words" from a buddy of mine a couple years back, talking to his actual children. I asked him about it, because it struck me as a novel but good way to kickstart the whole "vocalizing will help you get what you want" thing with an upset kid.

I started noticing it a lot around that time, which may just be the Recency Illusion doing its thing. I do wonder if it is a recent introduction into popular parenting literature, though.

And now it seems to have gotten a bit meme-ish in the non-parenting set.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:13 PM on June 27, 2007

yup, I've heard the "use your words" from my aunts before.
posted by craven_morhead at 3:21 PM on June 27, 2007

Unless I'm very mistaken, that would still be illegal.

You are, in fact, very mistaken. It is not illegal to buy counterfeit goods for personal use in the US.
posted by phoenixy at 3:23 PM on June 27, 2007

You are, in fact, very mistaken. It is not illegal to buy counterfeit goods for personal use in the US.

This is why it pays to preface my statements like that. Thank you, phoenixy.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 3:27 PM on June 27, 2007

"Use your words" is something they say a lot on those Super Nanny/Nanny911 shows. That's where I first heard it.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:34 PM on June 27, 2007

I bought a counterfeit Tag Heuer watch in Bangkok. It turned my arm green.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:35 PM on June 27, 2007

My roommate likes to say "use your words". It's practically a catch phrase for him. He told me he picked it up from his mom, who worked with mentally handicapped adults. I'm not sure that's entirely accurate, though, given the number of times I've seen it on Metafilter.
posted by spaceman_spiff at 3:38 PM on June 27, 2007

I suppose you blame the watch.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:39 PM on June 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

Yeah, "use your words" is standard parenting fare from what I understand, but we also (as parents) started using it satirically when our children were far, far away from their second word. You know, "use your word."
posted by davejay at 3:46 PM on June 27, 2007 [3 favorites]

Blanket prescription?

I hereby perscribe for you, a blanket!*

* I am not a doctor, I am not YOUR doctor, but I do play one on the internet.
posted by blue_beetle at 4:11 PM on June 27, 2007

Gee, I don't even have kids, but I'm actually aunt to [counts laboriously on fingers] uh, nine, and family-friend pretend-aunt to many more. "Use your words" is a standard way to encourage children teetering (toddlering?) on the edge of verbal ability to try vocalizing their wishes or (often) frustrations instead of, say, crying or hollering.

For that reason, it's also something we have long bandied about between fully verbal adults who are for the moment tongue-tied.

I'm earnestly surprised how many people here appear never to have heard it. Wow.
posted by Elsa at 4:16 PM on June 27, 2007

He told me he picked it up from his mom, who worked with mentally handicapped adults.
And a lot of people here picked it up from jessamyn, who works with metally handicapped adults. That's pretty much the vector.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:16 PM on June 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

It turned my arm green.

Loosen the band and slide the watch down to your wrist, honey. Shake the feeling back in. Better? OK, now go play, but not down by the ol' flea market. I still haven't been able to get your Pony Cockman working.

LOLCOCKS
posted by cog_nate at 4:17 PM on June 27, 2007

And a lot of people here picked it up from jessamyn, who works with metally handicapped adults. That's pretty much the vector.

I, myself, am metally handicapped. Need to iron that out, one day.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:19 PM on June 27, 2007

I first heard "use your words" being used by a crunchy-granola hippie mama friend of mine from college, applied to a shrieky 2-year-old who wanted to shriek more so than express any particular desire or annoyance. That was probably 1996 or so...
posted by bitter-girl.com at 4:22 PM on June 27, 2007

Takes nerves of steel.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:23 PM on June 27, 2007

The Portland police have an office about 50 yards away from the first spot I mentioned. They sometimes walk over and chat with the guys (it's a terribly long stop light). Usually they're more interested in shooting unarmed people and/or beating people to near death and then leaving them in holding cells and/or street corners to die.

Oh, and outside of NYC, LA, and DC (in the US) it seems to be a lot harder to find bootlegged stuff. I've never purchased anything from any of the vendors that I mentioned, but I've been excited by their presence in a "Gee, Portland is finally big enough to have a fake purse guy..." way.
posted by togdon at 4:36 PM on June 27, 2007

I'm met a celeb. What would be the best wine to drink when dining with them? = okay

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, ok I met Paris Hilton at this party, and she was all like hey this place sucks, let's get out of here, so we hopped in her limo and her driver took to this really killer rave, I bought some coke off a guy outside and we were getting crazy, and we decided to head back to my place, I went to take a leak and she found the baggy and snorted it, but holy fuck it wasn't coke, it was nearly pure heroin. She was all fucked up so I tried to do that thing like in Pulp Fiction where they shoot adrenalin into that chicks heart, but I didn't have that, so I tried giving her a bunch of caffeine, but I'm pretty sure she was dead by that point. I didn't know what else to do so I cut her up and put her in the freezer. Then I didn't want to go outside because I was afraid that someone from the rave would recognize me and I was getting really hungry so I decided that the best thing to do would be to cut her up and eat her. What kind of wine goes best with dead socialite = not okay
posted by quin at 5:00 PM on June 27, 2007 [4 favorites]

I think that people who try to purchase knock-off designer goods should be packed onto special trains and sent far into the remote interior, to spend the rest of their lives in forced labour camps.
posted by Meatbomb at 5:10 PM on June 27, 2007

The general guideline is "what could bring the man down on our ass?" or, rather, mathowie's ass.

I gotta go ahead and beg that every once in a while we think of what's best for a little more than just MeFi itself. Here's what I mean.

Leaving this question be is not just helping someone find cheap shit and stick it to the man, its condoning support of an illegal industry that takes advantage of people en masse throughout much of the world-we-don't-have-to-deal-with every day.
posted by allkindsoftime at 5:16 PM on June 27, 2007

its condoning support of an illegal industry that takes advantage of people en masse throughout much of the world-we-don't-have-to-deal-with every day.

If that were the standard, there would be no iphone posts either, except for (maybe) the illegal part. We have to draw the line someplace and this is a place where we can get closest to a bright line distinction.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:22 PM on June 27, 2007

I think that people who try to purchase knock-off designer goods should be packed onto special trains and sent far into the remote interior, to spend the rest of their lives in forced labour camps.

Where, ironically, they are compelled to manufacture knock-off designer goods!

Yeah, "use your words" is standard parenting fare

Indeed. I've heard it all over the place (and used it in the service of wonderchickensian comedy stylings) since I was a child. And I'm old.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:40 PM on June 27, 2007

Understood, jessamyn, and I respect that. I guess this is just an issue I'm a little extra-zealous about.
posted by allkindsoftime at 7:45 PM on June 27, 2007

The funny thing is that I think this person's post was sincere: like, I have never in my life seen someone selling a fishy Rolex or Prada bag. And, you know, I live in Minneapolis so obviously it's probably not the hotbed for it but still. I think cmonkey is honestly just wondering if this stuff actually goes on in his neck of the woods. It's possible I'm a hopeless patsy.
posted by nanojath at 12:30 AM on June 28, 2007

Oh, and outside of NYC, LA, and DC (in the US) it seems to be a lot harder to find bootlegged stuff.

Go to any county fair or small town flea market... Even here in Bumpkinville we see plenty of knock-offs... The difference between us and the big cities is that there's a higher percentage of people here who don't realize that they're knock-offs. They think they're just getting a great bargain: "Lookie here, honey! Chanel sunglasses for only 5 bucks!"
posted by amyms at 12:47 AM on June 28, 2007

So, allkindsoftime, knock-off designer goods are like, the worst kind of sweatshops or something? I'm actually asking here.
posted by salvia at 1:20 AM on June 28, 2007

The funny thing is that I think this person's post was sincere

It was sincere. I've been to open air markets in former Communist European countries where just about everything for sale was an embarassingly bad knock off of a brand name item, so I'm not unfamiliar with that particular part of the underbelly of global commerce. However, I've never seen anything more than copied DVDs with obviously-printed-from-a-budget-Canon covers in Portland, so I was curious if there are actually places around here that sell "Sony PlayStations" that are actually NES clones or Lolex watches with second hands that move backwards or whatever. I'm not sure what all the fuss is about.
posted by cmonkey at 1:28 AM on June 28, 2007

I'd have felt better if the AskMe poster had actually wanted to buy counterfeit, it would've felt less chatfilter-y.
posted by BrotherCaine at 5:49 AM on June 28, 2007

Yeah, "use your words" is standard parenting fare from what I understand

Yup, and what was funny about Jessamyn using it that time was that she wasn't talking to children. That instance of it still makes me chuckle.
posted by shmegegge at 8:15 AM on June 28, 2007

Lolex: Travel back in time!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:31 AM on June 28, 2007

I don't even like wearing watches and I want a Lolex. I'd put it with my KitchinAyd roffel iron.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:05 AM on June 28, 2007

Metafilter: I don't want to break the law, I'm just curious where I could go if I did
posted by lohmannn at 10:10 AM on June 28, 2007