Only at rainbow parties.

April 11, 2007 10:34 PM

This question is fake and stupid, and it's all the more stupid for being fake.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America to Etiquette/Policy at 10:34 PM (164 comments total)

The asker would have us believe that he knows how to talk to women "thanks to men's magazines" and argues about his virginal status by citing wikipedia. He's two years into college but hasn't figured out that girls put out at parties. He hoped to get a long term relationship out of a blowjob. He feels used because a girl who doesn't want to marry him blew him. I could go on.

Even if he's being perfectly honest, the question--all 10,000 words of it--boils down to "chicks these days are sluts, aren't they?" Basically, the asker wants to get us riled up and defend modern sexual mores.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 10:34 PM on April 11, 2007

Indeed.
posted by Kwantsar at 10:40 PM on April 11, 2007

I'm not sure on whether it's a "real question" or not, but it certainly is strange.
posted by amyms at 10:41 PM on April 11, 2007

P.S. If it really IS a real question, I think the asker has waaaay more problems than worrying about whether a blowjob from a girl at a party will transition into a long-term relationship.
posted by amyms at 10:42 PM on April 11, 2007 [3 favorites]

I agree that it's fake. There are a great many stupid people in this world (and here on Metafilter, too), but stupidity has many forms, and this question mixes many of those forms together in a way that comes off as incongruous and unrealistic.
posted by bingo at 10:43 PM on April 11, 2007

I think the "Are all girls..." part gives it away as being fake. Also the fact that the user has no other contributions to MeFi is rather suspicious, no?

gah, I'm posing in MeTa.
posted by patr1ck at 10:45 PM on April 11, 2007

I think it's designed to encourage comments like nice "attractive atheist girls" like me occasionally give blow jobs with no strings attached.

I suspect someone's trying to do some research before a meetup.
posted by booksandlibretti at 10:45 PM on April 11, 2007 [10 favorites]

That's a self-regulating AskMeFi post
Nobody can follow it
Nobody can finish it
Nobody's home
.
posted by iamkimiam at 10:46 PM on April 11, 2007

Yeah, I was halfway through some lame-ass answer about what a bonehead the dude was being until I realized who the bonehead really was.
posted by Doublewhiskeycokenoice at 10:47 PM on April 11, 2007

I smelt a troll, too.
posted by mds35 at 10:49 PM on April 11, 2007

Are we sure he's not just bragging?
posted by Artw at 10:50 PM on April 11, 2007

I suspect someone's trying to do some research before a meetup.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!
posted by amyms at 10:50 PM on April 11, 2007

Perhaps it is a satire of previous questions. Maybe someone's testing the limits; there certainly seems to be a weekly FFS moment on AskMe.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:50 PM on April 11, 2007

Priest: Well, if you're not Catholic, then why have you come to confession?

98-year-old man: I'm telling everybody!
posted by mds35 at 10:52 PM on April 11, 2007 [10 favorites]

I was one of the people who posted "she is a slut," but I don't make any moral judgment about it, and I don't think that I or anyone else made any kind of judgment about her in that thread. Promiscuous females are best with promiscuous males, and non-promiscuous females are best with non-promiscuous males.

I also think that swaters210 comes off looking worse than his "friend," because she was honest with him about her plans and desires, whereas he wasn't really up-front with her and his knowledge of human sexuality is depressingly childish or ignorant or naive or whatever.

Is it a troll? Maybe. God, I hope so.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 10:52 PM on April 11, 2007

Also, his website goes nowhere. But if you google its name it looks like it's a teaser for something. I'm seconding the research theory.
posted by Doublewhiskeycokenoice at 10:52 PM on April 11, 2007

Somewhere, buried in all that text, there is a question. Probably about what is normal behavior for girls today, and is this guy reacting abnormally to this kind-of relationship.

However, it isn't clear whether this hidden question is AskMe appropriate or even worthwhile at all. This poor guy is apparently unfamiliar with AskMe and let his rather complex relationship question get buried in his rambling rant/narrative. Maybe he needs some guiding, but just because a question is unlikely or messy (or poorly written) doesn't mean it's fake.
posted by MadamM at 10:54 PM on April 11, 2007

That question certainly leaves an odd taste in the mouth...
posted by pompomtom at 10:55 PM on April 11, 2007 [3 favorites]

Also, his website goes nowhere. But if you google its name it looks like it's a teaser for something. I'm seconding the research theory.

This is getting interesting... Should we pop some popcorn?
posted by amyms at 10:56 PM on April 11, 2007

It does seem weird, but a quick google search reveals a last.fm account over an year old that states that he's 20. That's quite a bit of long-term effort for a single fake AskMe post.
posted by suedehead at 10:57 PM on April 11, 2007

Actually, the google cache of his website doesn't have any real content but does link to his del.icio.us. He looks like your average college CS geek, which makes his story a bit more plausible.
posted by patr1ck at 10:58 PM on April 11, 2007

I don't think it looks fake so much as "Girls today are hos, unlike fine upstanding young men such as myself, y/n?" and sort of chatfiltery. He doesn't seem to be presenting an actual problem to solve, as such.
posted by Many bubbles at 11:05 PM on April 11, 2007

Thirty-seven!
posted by frogan at 11:05 PM on April 11, 2007 [1 favorite]

So that's a real dude learning about women from men's magazines and sex from wikipedia?

I think I just experienced the entire range of human emotions simultaneously: everything from disgust to despair.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 11:07 PM on April 11, 2007 [3 favorites]

rarity scale:

unicorns < girls who beej after the handshake and hello < boys who f/u with "can we go long term, lipsy lady?"
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:10 PM on April 11, 2007 [6 favorites]

If his range of knowledge (regarding woman and sex) is encompassed in THAT question, then its no wonder so many men become repressed women-hating conservatives.
posted by amyms at 11:12 PM on April 11, 2007 [1 favorite]

Y'all missed the best part:

Also, I don't know if metione this before but she said she was on her period two days prior to use having oral sex, so shold I get test not just because of that fact but becuase it was oral sex?

Not because it was unprotected oral sex, or because his partner had had previous sexual partners. Nope, he should get tested for STDs because she had a period.

Also, it's worth noting that a fake question can be posted through a real account. He could just be taking the piss out of everyone for whatever reason (huh huh, they all took me seriously!)
posted by chrominance at 11:13 PM on April 11, 2007

I don't know. First post, and the dude is like 20, maybe it's for real. We usually give people the benefit of the doubt or at least wait until they establish a pattern of bad behavior before we do something. So if the next few questions from this guy are equally unbelievable, we'll do something about it.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 11:16 PM on April 11, 2007 [2 favorites]

Y'all missed the best part:

Not because it was unprotected oral sex, or because his partner had had previous sexual partners. Nope, he should get tested for STDs because she had a period.

I read that and just assumed he had had a blackout or seizure while typing it because no one is that stupid.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 11:18 PM on April 11, 2007

Optimus: stop giving drunks and epileptics a bad name.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:21 PM on April 11, 2007 [2 favorites]

Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America: So that's a real dude learning about women from men's magazines and sex from wikipedia?

And Clerks, don't forget about that.

So the guy's a late bloomer, is that so surprising (or cause for despair)? Not everyone learns about relationships and sex in high school.
posted by russilwvong at 11:23 PM on April 11, 2007

russilwvong: lemme tell ya, straight outta high school I was both the beejayerre and the relationship questionee. Yet this is waaay beyond my purview. Nobody asks that after a. single. sexual. contact. amirite? wtfbjbq? (my polite "no, we won't be pursuing that" was after two weeks of pseudo-girlfriendiness and the awful unbeknownst deflowering.)

ANYWAY, troll.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:35 PM on April 11, 2007

What Mr President Dr Steve Elvis America said goes double for me.
posted by ikkyu2 at 11:45 PM on April 11, 2007

We usually give people the benefit of the doubt or at least wait until they establish a pattern of bad behavior before we do something.

sometimes we (and by "we" i mean you, of course) ask them to rephrase in the form of a question. the diatribe thing isn't the best way for the questioner (if he is a real questioner) to get an actual useful answer. i think that might be the best course of action in a situation like this that, for whatever reason, seems not quite legitimate.
posted by judith at 11:46 PM on April 11, 2007

Ambrosia Voyeur: lemme tell ya, straight outta high school I was both the beejayerre and the relationship questionee. Yet this is waaay beyond my purview. Nobody asks that after a. single. sexual. contact. amirite? wtfbjbq? (my polite "no, we won't be pursuing that" was after two weeks of pseudo-girlfriendiness and the awful unbeknownst deflowering.)

I'm afraid I'm having some trouble decrypting what you're saying. You were in a similar situation (that is, the guy wanted a relationship, you didn't)? So what do you find so unbelievable about the original post?

What I learned from dating: the range of experience and expectations that people have is very, very wide. Despite this, we tend to think of our own experience as "normal" and anything very different as "abnormal."
posted by russilwvong at 12:12 AM on April 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

I've heard stupider, more self-indulgent things face-to-face. Or what Matt said; there's nothing here but pinging radar to work with so far.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:18 AM on April 12, 2007

When I was 20 a chick who gave head at the drop of a hat was a saint not a slut (at least as far as I was concerned), and in my opinion still is. And if this blowjob trend is real then clearly I was born 25 years too soon.

And as too the question, what mathowie said. After all, if nobody really were that young and stupid, who else would us old farts have to feel superior too?

And yes, sad to admit, when I was young I did occasionally try to parlay a casual front-seat session into a Meaningful Relationship. Sometimes it was loneliness, sometimes I was simply taken with her personality and her twinkling grin, and/or sometimes I just wanted as many fellations like THAT as I could possibly get. (My ex-wife could suck the chrome off a '56 Chevy from across the street; the marriage lasted three months.)
posted by davy at 12:20 AM on April 12, 2007

"I've heard stupider, more self-indulgent things face-to-face."

But we haven't met yet.
posted by davy at 12:21 AM on April 12, 2007

Come to PDX, davy. I'll buy you a beer.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:22 AM on April 12, 2007

Obviously the OP has a lot of misconceptions about (a) women, (b) sex, (c) relationships. But is that so uncommon? I'm reminded of roue's great description of "those childhood notions people have that slowly evaporate in adult epiphanies over time."

If he has no dating experience and very little sexual experience, he just hasn't experienced most of those epiphanies yet. Which means that his ideas about relationships are mostly going to have been formed during his childhood.
posted by russilwvong at 12:23 AM on April 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

Maybe it's real, and the question is designed so he can present her with the hive mind verdict - either "Everyone at MetaFilter thinks you're a slut", or else "Now you have to go out with me, long term! The MeFites said so!"
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:28 AM on April 12, 2007

Clearly, this is a result of the abstinence only education currently being provided.

/eponysterical
posted by b33j at 12:30 AM on April 12, 2007 [3 favorites]

"Meta."
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 4:39 PM on April 12 [1 favorite +] (in the original AskMe thread)

Only 1 favorite? Hell, it desrves Best Answer!
posted by Effigy2000 at 12:30 AM on April 12, 2007

I'm reminded of roue's great description of "those childhood notions people have that slowly evaporate in adult epiphanies over time."

Oh hell yes. I wrote a whole song about that phenomenon.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:32 AM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

In 3rd grade I was afraid to kiss a girl on the lips because she'd have a baby. That's how it worked in the movies on TV: you kiss, there's a sunrise, there's a bun in the oven.
posted by davy at 12:46 AM on April 12, 2007

cortex: "I've heard stupider, more self-indulgent things face-to-face."

Me: "But we haven't met yet."

cortex: "Come to PDX, davy. I'll buy you a beer."

Me: For a beer you'd get stupidity or self-indulgence. Inflation, y'know.
posted by davy at 12:51 AM on April 12, 2007

Look what I just found! Now you'll need to change the Secret Handshake and the lock on the barn door.
posted by davy at 12:56 AM on April 12, 2007

you kiss, there's a sunrise, there's a bun in the oven.

No, no, no... It's not the sunrise; it's the waves crashing against the shore that make the baby! (ala Sandra Dee and Troy Donahue in "A Summer Place," which was way before my childhood, but I saw it as a child and it formed a lot of my ideas about romance)
posted by amyms at 1:03 AM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!

What the fuck?

I know MeTa is lightly moderated and everything... but...

What the fuck?
posted by ODiV at 1:13 AM on April 12, 2007

MetaFilter: I'm cool with her Promiscuity right now
posted by matteo at 2:18 AM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

(love the capital "P"), it's totally Emily Dickinson
posted by matteo at 2:19 AM on April 12, 2007

"And if this blowjob trend is real then clearly I was born 25 years too soon."

You said it, brother.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 3:03 AM on April 12, 2007

amyms wrote:
LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!

Please don't do that again.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:25 AM on April 12, 2007

The asker would have us believe that he knows how to talk to women "thanks to men's magazines" and argues about his virginal status by citing wikipedia. He's two years into college but hasn't figured out that girls put out at parties. He hoped to get a long term relationship out of a blowjob. He feels used because a girl who doesn't want to marry him blew him.

None of this sounds unbelievable to me. It may be hard for this enlightened crowd of sexual wizards to accept, but, yes, even today, there are still people out there who are uninformed and inexperienced at the age of 20.
posted by chrismear at 3:32 AM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

I PUT ON MY ROBE AND SEXUAL WIZARD HAT...
posted by blasdelf at 3:52 AM on April 12, 2007 [8 favorites]

Sometimes I wonder if some guys even know what a period is.
posted by lampoil at 5:05 AM on April 12, 2007

That question sucks.
posted by jonmc at 5:14 AM on April 12, 2007

.
posted by Plutor at 5:15 AM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

I do not believe the question is fake, and I'm kind of sad that a chunk of the answers are along the lines of "She's a whore, you don't want her anyway". This is our chance to blow (ha) this guy's mind; where my smart, feminist Mefites at?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:06 AM on April 12, 2007 [3 favorites]

My jaw dropped as I read that question, and I immediately decided it must be a troll. But then I thought back to some of the people I met in college and now I'm just deeply afraid.
posted by emmastory at 6:17 AM on April 12, 2007

As more people sign up for metafilter, it seems we're starting to get a larger following of the college and high school age contigent. Think of this as the warning shot over the bow before askme starts to fill with questions like "What's the Thac0 for a wizard" and "Why didn't I get a car for my 16th birthday? Do my parents secretly hate me?"

Then again, I was 21 when I joined but there was no askme back then. If there was my first question would have been "why don't girls fall in love with me despite the months I've spent fawning over them. Clearly 80s movies have lied to me."

In short, it's a troll.
posted by drezdn at 6:51 AM on April 12, 2007

Wouldn't you hear a ping on the radar though?[not radarist]
posted by drezdn at 6:52 AM on April 12, 2007

"I do not believe the question is fake, and I'm kind of sad that a chunk of the answers are along the lines of 'She's a whore, you don't want her anyway'. This is our chance to blow (ha) this guy's mind; where my smart, feminist Mefites at?"

I was very surprised and pissed-off by that, too. And although I think the kid is probably sexist, I don't see this as primarily a sexist issue. He's confused, but it wasn't really him so much that was calling her a slut as it was the supposedly enlightened mefites.

To me, part of being sex-positive is being accepting of the very wide range of human sexual expression. That includes people wanting to be monogamous, or not having sex before marriage, or only having sex in the context of a love relationship.

What this guy wanted was for people to answer his question normatively. And most people, except for a few of us, did. It's just as normative to say that it's "normal" for girls to indiscriminately give blowjobs as it is to say that they don't and shouldn't. I don't think there's anything wrong with him a) feeling that oral sex is as intimate as intercourse (gee, what's with the homophobic intercourse-as-normative and the only "real sex" from so many answerers, anyway?) and b) he only wants to be intimate in that way with partners where they are seriously involved with each other.

Furthermore, there's nothing wrong with the girl making a personal distinction between oral sex and intercourse. The people that say she's hypocritical wouldn't say the same about someone making the same distinction between kissing and intercourse. Let her set her boundaries for what activities she will engage in casually and what activities she won't.

Let people have the kind of sex they want with the kind of people they want to have sex with. The only thing wrong is telling people that they should all be a certain way, do certain things, and think about sex and love a certain way.

Yes, obviously this kid is making those kinds of normative judgments about this girl and that's why he wants to back it up with "what most girls do". Obviously, he needs to understand what I wrote above.

But he's not in a place to hear it. And blowing his mind with the exact opposite of his instincts isn't going to convince him of anything, either, except that you're as weird as he thinks this girl is.

So I didn't try. What I did think he'd understand is simply reducing it to those two people and what their expectations are. If they're not the same, there's a problem. He'll figure out the rest in time.

As for this question being a fake, that was my first thought, as well. But upon consideration I came to the same conclusion as others describe in this thread. It's well within possible, such cluelessness is far too common. And what's the harm in answering the question seriously?
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 7:10 AM on April 12, 2007 [5 favorites]

Luckily I knew better to never bring those things up when talking to her thanks to men's magazines

hurf.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 7:20 AM on April 12, 2007

drezdn writes "Think of this as the warning shot over the bow before askme starts to fill with questions like 'What's the Thac0 for a wizard'"

You'd probably have to be in your late 20's or older to know what "THAC0" means.

ThePinkSuperhero writes "I'm kind of sad that a chunk of the answers are along the lines of 'She's a whore, you don't want her anyway'. This is our chance to blow (ha) this guy's mind; where my smart, feminist Mefites at?"

Feminism is big. You can be a feminist who thinks "this behaviour is expected for men but when a woman does it, it's called being a slut. She's not a slut, that's just sexism." But you can also be a feminist who thinks "this behaviour is promiscuous, but when a man does it, it's considered unpromiscuous. It isn't unpromiscuous, that's just sexism." So those people calling her a whore may be feminists who just aren't into promiscuity on either side.
posted by Bugbread at 7:20 AM on April 12, 2007

Two thoughts—
In my humble, the best part was when he complained about being "used." Oh, should we all suffer such indignity!

Second, I remember my girlfriend telling me that sometimes you'll go down on a guy because you kinda wanted to make out with him but don't want to fuck him, and don't want to hurt his feelings.
posted by klangklangston at 7:23 AM on April 12, 2007

This thread is useless without the girl's phone number.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:25 AM on April 12, 2007 [3 favorites]

So those people calling her a whore may be feminists who just aren't into promiscuity on either side.

Oh please.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:25 AM on April 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

My mother warned me about Metafilter.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:33 AM on April 12, 2007

In a row?
posted by phearlez at 7:37 AM on April 12, 2007

Chatfilter, delete it.
posted by afu at 7:41 AM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Let people have the kind of sex they want with the kind of people they want to have sex with. The only thing wrong is telling people that they should all be a certain way, do certain things, and think about sex and love a certain way.

Still doesn't make it "not slutty" to blow random guys at parties. That's sort of the definition of "slutty." If she's fine with being a slut, great. But, by what you've said above, it's wrong to tell people that nobody should ever think of her as a slut...

As for the "troll" accusation. Eh. If it is, he's done his research. It sounds like a number of Yahoo! Answers 'Singles & Dating' questions. If it is fake (and that bit about the magazines does hint at something, but I'm still not sure), he's done his research.

(If it's real, I almost suspect she knew he was absurdly naive, and was hoping to blow his mind, as well.)
posted by kmennie at 7:45 AM on April 12, 2007

It's an idiotic question with mostly (at this point) reasonable answers. The guy is either an incredible doofus who somehow managed to get some girl who still lives at home to blow him at a party or he's playing AskMe. We don't really have a "your question was removed because we can't believe people like you exist" guideline.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:46 AM on April 12, 2007 [6 favorites]

ThePinkSuperhero writes "where my smart, feminist Mefites at?"

I flatter myself to think I deserve such a categorization at times. Those are the sober times. Apparently, replace "smart" with "incomprehensibly snarky" otherwise.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 7:49 AM on April 12, 2007

"'So those people calling her a whore may be feminists who just aren't into promiscuity on either side.'

Oh please."

Yeah, that's a big stretch. But if bugbread is trying to say that it's perfectly acceptable for a feminist to not say "you go, girl" to a 20 year-old giving indiscriminate blowjobs to guys at parties, then he has a point. And his point was that other feminists might. This is probably particularly problematic for doctrinaire feminists because it's casual blowjobs. On the other hand, feminism is about women making their own decisions about sexuality, not men.

"But, by what you've said above, it's wrong to tell people that nobody should ever think of her as a slut..."

No it isn't. Slut is an insult and a normative judgment. Making those normative judgments about what is the correct behavior is the one thing I think is wrong. If you're looking for something that is descriptive and simply true, then promiscuous is closer to the mark.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 7:49 AM on April 12, 2007

We don't really have a "your question was removed because we can't believe people like you exist" guideline.

Yeah, but if we did? That would ROCK.
posted by mygothlaundry at 7:52 AM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

But if bugbread is trying to say that it's perfectly acceptable for a feminist to not say "you go, girl" to a 20 year-old giving indiscriminate blowjobs to guys at parties, then he has a point.

AskMeta is not a conversation among friends. I don't know what people mean, I don't know their backgrounds, I don't know which way to read between the lines. If someone says, She's a whore, I don't assume they mean, That's her choice and although you don't agree with it, it's her choice to make. Hell, *I'm* a feminist that wouldn't say "You go, girl!" to a 20 year old giving indiscriminate blowjobs to guys at parties, but that's not even relevant to the question the poster asked! He's trying to deal with the fact that he did something he never did before, because he thought it was going to lead somewhere (and haven't we all been there, at one point in our growing up?), and now it's not and he's hurt and he's trying to deal with it by lashing out. Even if labeling her as a "bad girl" makes the poster feel better, teaching him that his kind of immature thinking is OK is not going to help him be the kind of man who attracts quality women in the future.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:01 AM on April 12, 2007 [6 favorites]

[From the question]: Also, I don't know if metione this before but she said she was on her period two days prior to use having oral sex, so shold I get test not just because of that fact but becuase it was oral sex?

Have women started expelling sloughed uterine tissue from their mouths while I wasn't paying attention?

Should I run out and patent an absorbent surgical-type mask, possibly with wings?
posted by CKmtl at 8:01 AM on April 12, 2007

We don't really have a "your question was removed because we can't believe people like you exist" guideline.

Another possible question you could use that for...

"My wife loves my 10" penis, our 8 bedroom house, our 5 cars, and the 500M we have in savings. Is it possible we're becoming complacent?"
posted by drezdn at 8:02 AM on April 12, 2007

I think that guy took the short bus to school.
posted by caddis at 8:14 AM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: proving that oral sex is real sex despite what you see in Wikipedia
posted by dreamsign at 8:17 AM on April 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

yes I know that's a misquote but it had to be said.
posted by dreamsign at 8:21 AM on April 12, 2007

Everybody's assuming that his "unprotected oral sex" with the girl is fellatio. But if what he meant was cunnilingus, then this statement:

Also, I don't know if metione this before but she said she was on her period two days prior to use having oral sex, so shold I get test not just because of that fact but becuase it was oral sex?

...makes slightly more sense.

Plus it makes me like the guy more.
posted by ottereroticist at 8:22 AM on April 12, 2007

the poster totally missed the Clinton years
posted by matteo at 8:23 AM on April 12, 2007

We don't really have a "your question was removed because we can't believe people like you exist" guideline

it's not less arbitrary than "outragefilter" anyway.

;)
posted by matteo at 8:25 AM on April 12, 2007

I don't know if the question is fake or not (though it does make me wonder), but there's some good information in the thread, and people who are not very edumacated about sex or sexuality may find it useful.
posted by rtha at 8:27 AM on April 12, 2007

Everybody's assuming that his "unprotected oral sex" with the girl is fellatio.

In the question, he does say "I confronted her about this and she didn't deny that I wasn't another guy to her she gave a blowjob to."

I guess he could've returned the favour, and that would make the menstrual stuff slightly more coherent... The whole 'wild oral sex at parties' thing still sounds to me more like the giving of Plo Chops than rampant cunning linguists.
posted by CKmtl at 8:35 AM on April 12, 2007

When I read that question I had to go check I hadn't misheard that Vonnegut had died instead of J. D. Salinger.

In college I sat with three very pretty girls in a dorm cafeteria as they debated among themselves which, if any, should 'help out' an extremely shy but kind of appealing good friend of mine they were afraid would never get anywhere on his own.
posted by jamjam at 8:37 AM on April 12, 2007

Well, helping hands are always welcome as they say.
posted by jonmc at 8:41 AM on April 12, 2007

Do all girls engage in oral sex on the belief it has no emotional or physical consequences?

Does this guy really know any women, or does he just read rumpled copies of early '90s Hustler that he found in the woods?
posted by Mister_A at 8:43 AM on April 12, 2007

Everybody's assuming that his "unprotected oral sex" with the girl is fellatio. But if what he meant was cunnilingus, then this statement:

yeah, or we could be talking about reciprocal oral sex - he seemed to think they shared something pretty intimate, which that can be.
The whole question seemed rambling & clueless but I'm not sure it was faked.
posted by mdn at 8:52 AM on April 12, 2007

Burhanistan wrote:
Just to clarify, sonar is used to ping (as well as TCP/IP tools), radar sweeps. Now you know.

Just to hyperclarify, the punctuation you wanted where that second comma is would be either a semicolon or a period. NYK.


drezdn wrote:
Wouldn't you hear a ping on the radar though?[not radarist]

No. You were watching the wrong 80s movies. Radar has a visual display; sonar is usually audio.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 8:56 AM on April 12, 2007

"Does this guy really know any women, or does he just read rumpled copies of early '90s Hustler that he found in the woods?"

Dear Penthouse,
I never thought it would happen to me, but the girl who gave me a blowjob at a party doesn't want a long-term relationship... ...and then I asked the cheerleaders to marry me.
posted by klangklangston at 9:01 AM on April 12, 2007

I agree it looks like an attempt to verify rainbow party myths (or the like).
posted by scarabic at 9:08 AM on April 12, 2007

I find myself desperately hoping it's fake, because if it's not, we should all weep. And then destroy the education system of wherever the asker lives.

There are just a few too many things which seem so outrageous as to be designed to provoke a response -- to wit, the comments about men's magazines, attractive atheists, the relevance of having her period, random "nice girls?" comments, and "getting" a longterm relationship out of it.
posted by modernnomad at 9:08 AM on April 12, 2007

let me be clear about this:

people who call someone a slut after getting a blowjob from them are ONLY upset because for a second there they thought they were going to get blowjobs all the time from that person. it is, in fact, the cessation of blowjobs that earns the slur. these are the same people who want to marry not out of love but a sense of ownership.

"What? you mean I don't get blowjobs whenever I want, now? But I was so psyched about that! I was gonna marry you and everything to make sure you had to give me blowjobs all the time and couldn't give them to anybody else! SLUT!"
posted by shmegegge at 9:21 AM on April 12, 2007 [8 favorites]

Who do I have to call out to get a blow job around here?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:29 AM on April 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

As Ben Franklin said, "Blowjobs are proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
posted by Mister_A at 9:42 AM on April 12, 2007

Without starting another thread, this one seems even more suspicious to me. Which I interpret less as a sign that it should be deleted than as further evidence that it's basically impossible for us to reliably separate the fictional from the non-fictional questions and that barring specific inconsistencies (or additional infractions) we need to let all suspicious questions stand.
posted by gsteff at 9:50 AM on April 12, 2007

Oops, this one.
posted by gsteff at 9:51 AM on April 12, 2007

Honestly curious, gsteff. What parts strike you as possible red-flags that the "Where's my parade?" thread might be fake?
posted by lampoil at 10:11 AM on April 12, 2007

It puts the cherry-flavored lotion on.

And shmegegge tiene razón: some people are SO overly demanding and disappointed when their narcissistic wishes go unfulfilled.
posted by davy at 10:23 AM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

We don't really have a "your question was removed because we can't believe people like you exist" guideline EITHER.

Fixed that for ya!
posted by davy at 10:25 AM on April 12, 2007

It just seemed, to me, like a question that 1) an internet community has little chance of actually answering, and 2) is very likely to provoke passionate answers derived more from the answerer's political ideology than from the information in the post. In other words, it seemed trollish.
posted by gsteff at 10:47 AM on April 12, 2007

But, in fairness, it's going well, and I'm happy to be wrong.
posted by gsteff at 10:49 AM on April 12, 2007

It just seemed, to me, like a question that... is very likely to provoke passionate answers derived more from the answerer's political ideology than from the information in the post.


Yes, my belief in the role of govt vs free markets in the economy, or my belief in whether a republic or a constitutional monarchy is best for democracy clearly dictates that your sexuality is x.
posted by modernnomad at 10:54 AM on April 12, 2007

where my smart, feminist Mefites at?

Too busy going to parties and acting wild in this way to reply, sorry.
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:17 AM on April 12, 2007

We are well-optimized in google searches for Plo Chops, by the way.
posted by Mister_A at 11:21 AM on April 12, 2007

I know what a THAC0 is and I've never received a random party blowjob. I bet the correlation between those two facts is awfully goddamned high.
posted by Kwine at 11:23 AM on April 12, 2007

I dunno. Maybe D&D players take breaks to give each other blowjobs sometimes.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 11:39 AM on April 12, 2007

Haha, you've obviously never played D&D. There are no breaks! Some take this idea too far.
posted by Mister_A at 11:52 AM on April 12, 2007

"I do not believe the question is fake, and I'm kind of sad that a chunk of the answers are along the lines of 'She's a whore, you don't want her anyway'. This is our chance to blow (ha) this guy's mind; where my smart, feminist Mefites at?"

Ignoring a shitty thread.
posted by The God Complex at 12:32 PM on April 12, 2007

Blowjob: Not something you need to have sex in order to understand.
posted by JanetLand at 12:34 PM on April 12, 2007

It's an idiotic question with mostly (at this point) reasonable answers. The guy is either an incredible doofus who somehow managed to get some girl who still lives at home to blow him at a party or he's playing AskMe. We don't really have a "your question was removed because we can't believe people like you exist" guideline.
posted by jessamyn

That's a member of the Mefi community that you the admin are calling names.
Unbelievably peurile and a poor example.
posted by dash_slot- at 1:00 PM on April 12, 2007

Blowjob: Not something you need to have sex in order to understand.

I disagree. I never really understood what was so great about blowjobs, which I'd heard about and seen in certain films, until I received one.
posted by Mister_A at 1:05 PM on April 12, 2007

Thanks to my brother explaining to me that the people in the Roxette "She's got the look" video were having oral sex when they rubbed against each other with their clothes on, I was convinced oral sex equaled sex with clothes on until someone set me straight in freshman gym class.
posted by drezdn at 1:15 PM on April 12, 2007

Unbelievably peurile and a poor example.

My bad, I think of doofus as a descriptive behavior term sort of like clueless, not as a general bad-ingrained personality, but you're right, I should be more charitable.

Two additional points

- we don't have a rule about removing questions for implausibility precisely because almost all types of behavior are plausible to a certain extent which is why that question wasn't removed. I believe the OP exists, but other people in the thread thought that his description was beyond belief, hence my statement.
- it's a stretch to call someone a member of the community when one questionable post is their only contribution. It's technically true, but the same could be said of self-linking spammers who we do not afford any community-member courtesy to either other than not Googlebombing their company name once their post has been removed and their account banned.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:24 PM on April 12, 2007

That's a member of the Mefi community that you the admin are calling names.
Unbelievably peurile and a poor example.

Dude. It's MetaTalk, the guy has made precisely one contribution to the site, which was a question whose naivete was sufficiently staggering that half of us think he was gaming the site. The only reason we're not flinging poo is because there's no support for it in TCP/IP.
posted by Mayor West at 1:25 PM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

I don't think there's a "the admins aren't allowed to form unflattering opinions" clause in the guidelines, dash_slot-; and "incredible doofus" is pretty softball around here, regardless.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:25 PM on April 12, 2007

what bout "shit mongering cock gobbler?"
posted by shmegegge at 1:27 PM on April 12, 2007

The guy has made precisely one contribution to the site

Well, the username did, anyway. With stuff like this I usually figure it's a sock, although I can't imgaine any of the usual gang having this particular problem.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:33 PM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

what bout "shit mongering cock gobbler?"

Shit-mongering cock-globbee, technically. She was the one doing the gobbling, not him.
posted by CKmtl at 1:33 PM on April 12, 2007

gobblee, dammit.
posted by CKmtl at 1:34 PM on April 12, 2007

Where's the question?

If anything, this belongs as an E/N post on SomethingAwful, not in AskMe.

Maybe I should post this in the thread.
posted by Four Flavors at 1:39 PM on April 12, 2007

How does one globee anyway? Are batteries involved?
posted by French Fry at 1:40 PM on April 12, 2007

What I don't get is, why does a girl who purport herself as this decent, intelligent, Christian girl rebel like this in college?

This is a dead giveaway. No one could possibly be as stupid as to ask a question like this sincerely. He is obviously trying to make a point, he has an agenda. But what is it exactly?

I'm cool with her Promiscuity right now, not cool with that possibility that i was used.

Ah there it is! He was USED. USED for his precious bodily fluids. It's all part of the damned latent fembot communist conspiracy to drain him of his precious bodily fluids. He should have known better than to give her his essence!

Fool.
posted by psmealey at 1:44 PM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

"That's a member of the Mefi community that you the admin are calling names.
Unbelievably peurile and a poor example."

Oh, bullshit. He IS a dufus, and MAY NOT exist. Saying so isn't peurile or a poor example, and if you think it is, you should switch to a bigger thong because the one you're wearing's ridden right up your ass.
posted by klangklangston at 1:53 PM on April 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

It just seemed, to me, like a question that 1) an internet community has little chance of actually answering, and 2) is very likely to provoke passionate answers derived more from the answerer's political ideology than from the information in the post.

I think that both of those things are true or at least potentially true. I just don't see evidence that she fabricated the story to purposefully provoke controversy. Her story seemed totally normal and plausible to me, and tons of the answers had some kind of "Wow, you're me" comment in them. I actually think her problem is an incredibly common one.

It didn't have anything over-the-top like the oral sex question that I could see. And the answers, while numerous, are generally reasonable and not shrill.
posted by lampoil at 1:57 PM on April 12, 2007

shmegegge you owe me a new monitor after that one :)

Well played!
posted by Mister_A at 2:04 PM on April 12, 2007

The only reason we're not flinging poo is because there's no support for it in TCP/IP.

There's not??? What the fuck does the second "P" stand for anyway?
posted by psmealey at 2:13 PM on April 12, 2007

If he exists, he is naive. As well as quite young. And harmless. Possibly hurting.

And you guys that are all sexier-than-thou will feel so grand when you look back at this, for not giving a pass and the benefit of the doubt to someone who, if real, required understanding and support, not mockery and disbelief.

Plus, he never called her a slut, or any other names. One-nil to swaters210.
posted by dash_slot- at 2:14 PM on April 12, 2007

Possibly hurting.

If that's true, then it's a necessary pain. We all went through similar about that age when we were sexually inexperienced and emotionally underdeveloped.

Still it's odd to post such a tome here to ask me if it's sincere. A little common sense and resignation (she seemed to be very straightforward with him... can't ask for more than that) will get him through. Posting to the green was probably not the smart move, even though some of the answers are quite good.

But isn't there a country song in here?

She Sucked My Cock and Broke My Heart
posted by Hypnic jerk at 2:25 PM on April 12, 2007

Is it just me or did the comment text box grow extender buttons?

Matt's mesing with it.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:25 PM on April 12, 2007

Ooooo... works in Safari. Me likey.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:35 PM on April 12, 2007

shmegegge you owe me a new monitor after that one :)

I'd tell you where to pick the new monitor up, but you aren't able to read this anyway.
posted by shmegegge at 2:44 PM on April 12, 2007

"If he exists, he is naive. As well as quite young. And harmless. Possibly hurting."

And I assure you, the world's tiniest violin is playing Hearts and Flowers just for him.

"And you guys that are all sexier-than-thou will feel so grand when you look back at this, for not giving a pass and the benefit of the doubt to someone who, if real, required understanding and support, not mockery and disbelief."

Y'know, yeah. I feel pretty OK with calling out his moronic misogyny and blinkered self-delusion. Not every criticism has to be knit into an affirming tea cozy.

"Plus, he never called her a slut, or any other names. One-nil to swaters210."

He certainly implied it, dontcha think?
posted by klangklangston at 2:49 PM on April 12, 2007

So tight.Words,nospa
ce,losingperspective
posted by Catfry at 3:02 PM on April 12, 2007

drezdn wrote:
I was convinced oral sex equaled sex with clothes on until someone set me straight in freshman gym class.

You're not going to tell us about this straightening?


Tease.

posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:25 PM on April 12, 2007

Plus, he never called her a slut, or any other names.

And Don Imus didn't use the N word, but, ya know...
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:43 PM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

True story. Don Imus finds oral sex deeply disconcerting. He just doesn’t get what’s with girls these days…
posted by French Fry at 3:49 PM on April 12, 2007

Sounds like a textbook case of an Ethical Slut to me.
posted by Nabubrush at 4:10 PM on April 12, 2007

I still think it's fake. And if it is real, then 'doofus' doesn't begin to cover it; this guy was raised in a cave, and all conventional means of educating him about life have clearly failed. It's time for some tough love, he's come to the right place, and he's getting it.
posted by bingo at 4:25 PM on April 12, 2007

HI I'M ON METAFILTER AND I COULD OVERTHINK A FIVE-SECOND MOUTHFUL OF COCK
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:31 PM on April 12, 2007

we don't have a rule about removing questions for implausibility ... I believe the OP exists

I'm sure if an admin finds a question implausibly ridiculous, the lack of an implausibility guideline won't stand in the way of deletion. We have deletion reasons like "oh come on" on some threads. I'm sure any pithy barb will do. The point here is that you think this one is plausible. Okay. Arguably so. But it's not as if the lack of a prohibition ever stops deletions that just come off wrong to the admins.
posted by scarabic at 4:54 PM on April 12, 2007

I just want to know if Nice Atheist Girl is already taken as a sock puppet name.
posted by matildaben at 4:55 PM on April 12, 2007

Y'know, yeah. I feel pretty OK with calling out his moronic misogyny and blinkered self-delusion. Not every criticism has to be knit into an affirming tea cozy.

On the other hand, not every stupid person needs to be publicly shamed or called names. I know that it's difficult, sometimes, to realize that someone's stupidity isn't an intentional affront to your sense of propriety, but for the most part stupid people can't help it. Think of it as if it were something like a genetic disorder, and you might come to see it as sad instead of worthy of scorn. Especially, as is the case here, when we're talking about how an admin chooses to phrase her comments.
posted by shmegegge at 4:59 PM on April 12, 2007

But it's not as if the lack of a prohibition ever stops deletions that just come off wrong to the admins.

Surely true, though I'd reckon that "oh come on" as a deletion reason isn't a declaration that there are no clearer things to be said about why it's being nuked, so much as a declaration that the flaws seem blindingly, unspeakably obvious.

But on the flip side, that things do get deleted on gut feeling sometimes doesn't mean there's an obligation to nuke anything that someone starts a metatalk thread about.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:03 PM on April 12, 2007

The Pink Superhero, you're the greatest ever:

AskMeta is not a conversation among friends.

I wanna see AskMetaTalk so bad, it's killing me. Would it be full of obnoxious personal questions about flagged posters? Questions about flameout protocol? What should so-and-so wear to the meetup? Did cortex invert the chord progression in the second prechorus of "88 Things?". How can I turn this bug I found into millions for charity?

Find out on AskMetaTalk.
posted by breezeway at 7:05 PM on April 12, 2007

Maybe it's real, and the question is designed so he can present her with the hive mind verdict

You may be joking, UbuRoivas, but I know one or two people who would not only post such a question, but do exactly that!

And worse, they genuinely wouldn't understand why it wouldn't work. I'm afraid the intricacies of normal social interaction are a closed book to them - one which is also hidden away in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of the Leopard".

Be thankful I try to keep them unaware of AskMeFi...
posted by Pinback at 7:42 PM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

"I wanna see AskMetaTalk so bad, it's killing me."

Two alternate snarks— First, the prevalence of the "Man, does this bug anyone else?"

Second—
"How do I eat your fuck?"
"How many cocks are in the bucket?"
"Dear AskMe, I've begun to be cocky— is this callout warranted?"
"No, what the fuck you?"
"Pony— Can I have fewer features?"
posted by klangklangston at 7:56 PM on April 12, 2007

Well, it's a little late, but I thought it might be worth pointing out that a lot of religions consider menstruation to be dangerous to men. If the poster was raised with (for example) this kind of interpretation of Leviticus and Revelations and no significant, medically based sex education, then the link between periods and STDs might seem plausible. If he's been taught moral as opposed to biological lessons about STDs, and his education has included that unprotected sex = bad and sex during period = bad, then there is a seemingly logical link between periods and STDs.
posted by carmen at 8:02 PM on April 12, 2007

Carmen, it could be that he performed oral sex on her, without realizing she was menstruating, and now he's afraid he'd swallowed some HIV or something; that happened to an old ex-girlfriend of mine once, she picked up a chick in an art students' hangout and suddenly found herself flossing on a tampon string. (I later turned the same chick down, like I didn't go for the one who bragged that she just had unsafe sex with Jane's Addiction's bassist; it used to be that if you wanted to meet some really "interesting" women you got to know me.)
posted by davy at 9:33 AM on April 13, 2007

"blindingly, unspeakably obvious"

That'll guarantee that I'm going to miss it, by the way.
posted by davy at 9:35 AM on April 13, 2007

"[F]or the most part stupid people can't help it. Think of it as if it were something like a genetic disorder."

That's very good advice shmegegge, and almost "blindingly, unspeakably obvious," but it can be very hard to follow when it's not one's self being stupid. Maybe there's an evolutionary advantage involved somewhere (which in my case went wasted when I got my vasectomy). Don't most people think their shit smells like violets?
posted by davy at 9:45 AM on April 13, 2007

My shit smells like a peanut farm after a light rain.
posted by breezeway at 10:01 AM on April 13, 2007

Maybe there's an evolutionary advantage involved somewhere (which in my case went wasted when I got my vasectomy). Don't most people think their shit smells like violets?

I wish I knew. I'm only sympathetic to stupid people's plight because I am so collosally stupid myself. Personally, I think uppity smart folk suck.
posted by shmegegge at 10:35 AM on April 13, 2007

"My shit smells like a peanut farm after a light rain."

I've never been anywhere near a peanut farm. Will you send me a sample? Scratch & sniff is best, it makes me feel like part of the action.
posted by davy at 10:44 AM on April 13, 2007

I grew up surrounded by peanut farms and I can't tell you what they smell like. Corn, yes. Feedlots, yes. Peanut farm? Not really.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 10:59 AM on April 13, 2007

Hey, cool! That means if I was in a room with Ethereal Bligh when I shit my pants, he'd have no idea what the smell was.

Until I stood up to open a window, that is.
posted by breezeway at 11:58 AM on April 13, 2007

drezdn writes "Think of this as the warning shot over the bow before askme starts to fill with questions like 'What's the Thac0 for a wizard' "

Geez man, get with the program; they don't use THAC0 anymore.

drezdn writes "'Why didn't I get a car for my 16th birthday? Do my parents secretly hate me?'"

Didn't we have this already in the form of some kid wanting advice on how to get his parents to upgrade ride?

Kwine writes "I know what a THAC0 is and I've never received a random party blowjob. I bet the correlation between those two facts is awfully goddamned high."

Anecdotally I can affirm this. Sigh.

bingo writes "And if it is real, then 'doofus' doesn't begin to cover it; this guy was raised in a cave, and all conventional means of educating him about life have clearly failed. It's time for some tough love, he's come to the right place, and he's getting it."

These people exist though, I worked with a woman who at the age of 19 had never been farther than 200km from her birth place of Williams Lake. Scarily uninformed and naive.
posted by Mitheral at 1:42 PM on April 13, 2007

I'd heard it was more like GURPS now.

I think I read that in a parody of a Jack Chick comic.
posted by Artw at 2:24 PM on April 13, 2007

swaters210 has posted an update. In particular, he didn't meet the girl at a party.
posted by russilwvong at 9:55 PM on April 15, 2007

Quite frankly, I don't want to date a girl who refuses to see StarWars.

Shenanigans!
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:20 PM on April 15, 2007

GODDAMMIT! Whether this guy is a genuis troll or a miserable idiot, his follow up is in perfect pitch. I still can't figure it out. I'm alternately pitying him and feeling protective of him against us wolves, and admiring his acumen as a deliberate misspeller.

"By the way, this all took place when I was i. while staying at a family members house, i tried my hardest to not to call her. two days later in town."

I said it before, and I'll say it again. WTFBJBQ?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:00 AM on April 16, 2007