Metatalktail Hour: Snack Unpack April 15, 2023 2:00 AM Subscribe
Happy weekend, everyone! It's rainy and maybe a little chilly out. You're snuggled up under a comfy blanket on a comfy couch with something special to watch or read, and snacks to enjoy while you do it. What are those snacks?
Homemade, off the shelf, or ordered in, what's easy, tasty, comforting, and quick? What's perfect for a little bit of self indulgence when there's nowhere you have to be, nothing you have to do, and the entertainment fates have lined up a perfect couch day?
Or just tell us what is up with you, what you've been doing, what you have planned ... but no politics, please!
Homemade, off the shelf, or ordered in, what's easy, tasty, comforting, and quick? What's perfect for a little bit of self indulgence when there's nowhere you have to be, nothing you have to do, and the entertainment fates have lined up a perfect couch day?
Or just tell us what is up with you, what you've been doing, what you have planned ... but no politics, please!
now in Malaysia for a couple more months and I would say a pandan kaya butter toast in bite-size squares are a great accompaniment to a kopi. Always bring kaya back with me to DK after a visit in KL.
posted by alchemist at 2:36 AM on April 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by alchemist at 2:36 AM on April 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
My answer might be different if Easter Peeps weren't half off right now. If the Supreme Leader Peep were to see my side table I imagine this would be the last you hear from me.*
*Unless I can just pop Supreme Leader Peep in my mouth before she extracts her vengeance on me for annihilating her Peeple.
posted by kinsey at 4:16 AM on April 15, 2023 [4 favorites]
*Unless I can just pop Supreme Leader Peep in my mouth before she extracts her vengeance on me for annihilating her Peeple.
posted by kinsey at 4:16 AM on April 15, 2023 [4 favorites]
It was 80 degrees here in the Green Mountains of Vermont yesterday, and I had my first Porch Life™ session with seltzer, sliced cucumbers and blue cheese dressing.
I'm going to London tomorrow and trying to clean out the fridge so it was slim pickings, but that sunshine felt nice!
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 4:50 AM on April 15, 2023 [7 favorites]
I'm going to London tomorrow and trying to clean out the fridge so it was slim pickings, but that sunshine felt nice!
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 4:50 AM on April 15, 2023 [7 favorites]
A friend I have not seen in well over a decade is visiting this afternoon. Years ago, back in the 90s -- it seems like a separate lifetime, although it doesn't deserve to be -- we used to ride together. Maybe we will again. I'd like that.
It's 5AM. I'm about to start cooking and then I'll put some coffee on.
posted by majick at 5:01 AM on April 15, 2023 [3 favorites]
It's 5AM. I'm about to start cooking and then I'll put some coffee on.
posted by majick at 5:01 AM on April 15, 2023 [3 favorites]
Woke up to snow here in southern Colorado. It had been 82 earlier this week, shorts and teeshirts, a 20-minute bathrobe chat over the fence with a neighbor left me feeling like a baked potato.
A family member is heading out tomorrow for a cross-country drive back to her home state and I was thinking of baking blueberry muffins for the road. Maybe these Smitten Kitchen ones? Or else something that might travel well for a long drive?
posted by mochapickle at 8:26 AM on April 15, 2023 [3 favorites]
A family member is heading out tomorrow for a cross-country drive back to her home state and I was thinking of baking blueberry muffins for the road. Maybe these Smitten Kitchen ones? Or else something that might travel well for a long drive?
posted by mochapickle at 8:26 AM on April 15, 2023 [3 favorites]
Nowadays, my snacks would be something containing halloumi. Or, just halloumi on its own.
Not that I need to worry about my health any more, as I died in 2018.
According to ChatGPT, that is. Several of us idly poked it yesterday to see what information it contained when asked what it is we are known for. The response to mine started off pleasing (though oddly in past tense), with some inaccuracies and exaggeration. And the concluding sentence was... not what I was expecting.
This caused me to make a cup of tea - strong tea - and have a think, and I decided to ask it how I had died. And that's where things got somewhat surreal, though some of my friends and colleagues thought the response was oddly on-brand or plausible.
After this, I unambiguously pointed out to this idiot bunch of algorithms that I was very much alive, and it apologised and made some half-assed attempt to justify its mistakes. And I fed it some accurate information about me for a while, even though there were a myriad of more fun or interesting things I could or should be doing on a Friday evening.
The session concluded with me repeating the original question which began this strange diversion and... I give up.
posted by Wordshore at 8:39 AM on April 15, 2023 [18 favorites]
Not that I need to worry about my health any more, as I died in 2018.
According to ChatGPT, that is. Several of us idly poked it yesterday to see what information it contained when asked what it is we are known for. The response to mine started off pleasing (though oddly in past tense), with some inaccuracies and exaggeration. And the concluding sentence was... not what I was expecting.
This caused me to make a cup of tea - strong tea - and have a think, and I decided to ask it how I had died. And that's where things got somewhat surreal, though some of my friends and colleagues thought the response was oddly on-brand or plausible.
After this, I unambiguously pointed out to this idiot bunch of algorithms that I was very much alive, and it apologised and made some half-assed attempt to justify its mistakes. And I fed it some accurate information about me for a while, even though there were a myriad of more fun or interesting things I could or should be doing on a Friday evening.
The session concluded with me repeating the original question which began this strange diversion and... I give up.
posted by Wordshore at 8:39 AM on April 15, 2023 [18 favorites]
My new-ish copy of Joy of Cooking -- the old one from the 60s went wandering off and I had to buy a fresh one about 10 years ago -- suffered a bit of mold inside recently. It was being used to press a flower, as one does with their Joy of Cooking, and a bit of flower goo got loose. No doubt the Internet is chock full of "there's mold in my book" advice and I'll go look at that later. Guests today, though, so it'll have to wait. It's sitting out in case sun breaks out again but today's the first overcast day of the week apparently.
Snacks today are going to be a challenge. My riding buddy's wife is very Celiac and rightly feels the need to bring her own supplies. This runs counter to my deep-seated cultural and personal need to feed ALL THE GUESTS but her safety and wellbeing absolutely positively must come first. Off to look up how one makes sure prep and service surfaces are Celiac-safe.
posted by majick at 9:56 AM on April 15, 2023 [3 favorites]
Snacks today are going to be a challenge. My riding buddy's wife is very Celiac and rightly feels the need to bring her own supplies. This runs counter to my deep-seated cultural and personal need to feed ALL THE GUESTS but her safety and wellbeing absolutely positively must come first. Off to look up how one makes sure prep and service surfaces are Celiac-safe.
posted by majick at 9:56 AM on April 15, 2023 [3 favorites]
Not that I need to worry about my health any more, as I died in 2018.
According to ChatGPT, that is.
Yet not one mention of cheese??
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:05 AM on April 15, 2023 [7 favorites]
According to ChatGPT, that is.
Yet not one mention of cheese??
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:05 AM on April 15, 2023 [7 favorites]
There's a local Native community center and they do a monthly potlach pickup and they are awesome chefs. I picked it up about an hour ago and the family just finished candied salmon, deer stew, fry bread, and a cardamom and nutmeg cheesecake topped with a cascade berry reduction. I loved it all but the deer stew and only because they used a lot of celery and I hate cooked celery. The rest was delicious and increased my overall circumference.
posted by Stanczyk at 2:00 PM on April 15, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Stanczyk at 2:00 PM on April 15, 2023 [6 favorites]
My go-to snack was Synder’s of Hanover Sourdough Hard Pretzels. I am not exaggerating when I state that those pretzels were one of my staple foods in college.
But time marches on, and like many other snack foods, they are only bought on rare occasions to keep me from eating an entire box in one sitting.
Now I must go check out ChatGPT and find out if I have died.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 2:13 PM on April 15, 2023 [4 favorites]
But time marches on, and like many other snack foods, they are only bought on rare occasions to keep me from eating an entire box in one sitting.
Now I must go check out ChatGPT and find out if I have died.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 2:13 PM on April 15, 2023 [4 favorites]
This recipe makes 2 chocolate chip cookies, and I gobble them up straight from the oven (I omit the egg yolk and just add a tiny splash of oatmilk).
posted by sugarbomb at 2:13 PM on April 15, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by sugarbomb at 2:13 PM on April 15, 2023 [4 favorites]
fry bread....drool... (that whole meal sounds amazing, Stanczyk)
posted by supermedusa at 2:14 PM on April 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by supermedusa at 2:14 PM on April 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
OK, my snacks are pistachios. With the shells on. Now that that's out of the way, I have a completely ridiculous question for anyone who's reading down here. It is a question that arose in my mind while I was watching Jeopardy last week. Everybody knows that it's bad luck to say the word "Macbeth" in a theater, unless you're actually engaged in a production of "Macbeth" at the time. And everybody knows that Jeopardy tends to ask a lot of Shakespeare-related questions. And sometimes, as it was last week, "Macbeth" is the answer to the question. So. Is it bad luck to say "Macbeth" as an answer to a Jeopardy question? You have to say the word, in a theater, while not performing the Scottish Play, with no opportunity to run outside and spit or swear. Or is a TV studio not equivalent to a theater for superstitious purposes? Or does phrasing it in the form of a question reverse the bad luck?
posted by Daily Alice at 3:13 PM on April 15, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by Daily Alice at 3:13 PM on April 15, 2023 [4 favorites]
Daily Alice (great name!) I like the cut of your nerd. I feel that it is not bad luck to answer the question.
posted by supermedusa at 3:20 PM on April 15, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by supermedusa at 3:20 PM on April 15, 2023 [3 favorites]
I get a bunch (several cups) of unsalted roasted almonds, throw them in a big sealable bowl with a few drops of toasted sesame oil, shake the hell out of them to coat them fairly evenly, and it’s kinda perfect.
I like other things, too, but everything else pales in comparison, really.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 4:07 PM on April 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
I like other things, too, but everything else pales in comparison, really.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 4:07 PM on April 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
I'm actually having some success with sourdough at the moment so will hopefully be snacking on a fresh loaf sometime this afternoon. It's supposed to be sunny and 27C here today (yay, Australian autumn!) but it's currently very overcast and drizzly (yay etc etc) so I'm going to curl up on the couch with coffee and a book (and maybe the cat if The Darkness deigns to bless me) until the weather figures out what it's doing.
Daily Alice: I'm siding with the TV studio not being a theatre per se and therefore it's fine to say Macbeth.
posted by ninazer0 at 4:08 PM on April 15, 2023
Daily Alice: I'm siding with the TV studio not being a theatre per se and therefore it's fine to say Macbeth.
posted by ninazer0 at 4:08 PM on April 15, 2023
Pronounce it like I did when I was a kid and had never heard it out loud at all: MACKbth. You’ll be safe, except from people mocking you for not knowing how to say it.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 4:11 PM on April 15, 2023
posted by Mister Moofoo at 4:11 PM on April 15, 2023
Ackmayethbay
Mack the Beth
Markbarf
Mizzabizza
Macky B
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:00 PM on April 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
Mack the Beth
Markbarf
Mizzabizza
Macky B
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:00 PM on April 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
Mack the Beth
"Now on the sidewalk, huh, huh, whoo sunny morning, un huh
Lies a body just oozin' life, eek
And someone's sneakin' 'round the corner
Could that someone be Mack the Beth?
There's a Skiff, huh, huh, down by the river don'tcha know
Where a cement bag's just a-drooppin' on down
Oh, that cement is just, it's there for the weight, dear
Five'll get ya ten, old Macky's back in town
Now did ya hear 'bout ? He disappeared, Malcom
After drawin' out all his hard-earned cash
And now MacBeth spends just like a sailor
Could it be our boy's done somethin' rash?"
oh, oh, Mac the Beth
posted by clavdivs at 5:26 PM on April 15, 2023 [7 favorites]
"Now on the sidewalk, huh, huh, whoo sunny morning, un huh
Lies a body just oozin' life, eek
And someone's sneakin' 'round the corner
Could that someone be Mack the Beth?
There's a Skiff, huh, huh, down by the river don'tcha know
Where a cement bag's just a-drooppin' on down
Oh, that cement is just, it's there for the weight, dear
Five'll get ya ten, old Macky's back in town
Now did ya hear 'bout ? He disappeared, Malcom
After drawin' out all his hard-earned cash
And now MacBeth spends just like a sailor
Could it be our boy's done somethin' rash?"
oh, oh, Mac the Beth
posted by clavdivs at 5:26 PM on April 15, 2023 [7 favorites]
I recently rediscovered the simple joy that is frosting on graham crackers with sprinkles. It's simple! It's cheap! It's pretty good! Not so good that you're tempted to eat a ridiculous amount at one sitting!
posted by drlith at 5:39 PM on April 15, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by drlith at 5:39 PM on April 15, 2023 [3 favorites]
sugarbomb, I have the cookies in the oven right now. SO EXCITED.
posted by cooker girl at 7:16 PM on April 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by cooker girl at 7:16 PM on April 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
Macky B.
Come on, now.
(regionally, this means your up but no PRESSURE. (Id do 50 cent, 'Big rich town')
posted by clavdivs at 7:30 PM on April 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
Come on, now.
(regionally, this means your up but no PRESSURE. (Id do 50 cent, 'Big rich town')
posted by clavdivs at 7:30 PM on April 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
Brenz Pizza has a thing made of little bits of pizza dough, baked and covered with butter, cinnamon, and sugar. They call them "CinnaBrenz" or something. Sometimes they are comforting.
posted by amtho at 8:10 PM on April 15, 2023
posted by amtho at 8:10 PM on April 15, 2023
At the moment, the triangular Popcorners -- the White Cheddar or the Kettle Corn. Plus the usual array of roasted nuts.
posted by Rash at 9:37 PM on April 15, 2023
posted by Rash at 9:37 PM on April 15, 2023
this means your up but no PRESSURE.
Well you say that
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:22 PM on April 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
Well you say that
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:22 PM on April 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
Triscuit Fire-Roasted Tomato with thick-cut pepper jack cheese.
The Macbeth curse is real, good people. I watched a guy go from mocking the superstition in the dressing room, to vomiting uncontrollably in the wings, all in a matter of minutes.
posted by armeowda at 11:48 PM on April 15, 2023 [3 favorites]
The Macbeth curse is real, good people. I watched a guy go from mocking the superstition in the dressing room, to vomiting uncontrollably in the wings, all in a matter of minutes.
posted by armeowda at 11:48 PM on April 15, 2023 [3 favorites]
The sharpest cheddar (preferably Cabot’s “Seriously Sharp”) with thin slices of fresh habanero pepper!
posted by moonmilk at 4:37 AM on April 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by moonmilk at 4:37 AM on April 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
Is it bad luck to say "Macbeth" as an answer to a Jeopardy question?
I lean no - sound stage, not theatre; trivia nerds, not actors - but also strongly feel that "what is the Scottish play" should be acceptable as a response in these situations. Quick, someone go on Jeopardy! and ask in your contestant anecdote segment.
My sister went to Florida recently and brought us all snacks back from a Buc-ees, which I guess is some beloved Texas/southern gas station chain? Anyway, the Buc-ees pickled brussel sprouts are really good, but I am not interested in procuring more. Anyone have a good pickled brussel sprouts recipe they like? (Google provides plenty options and I quick pickle veg regularly, but if someone has a recipe they can vouch for, I'm interested!)
posted by the primroses were over at 6:08 AM on April 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
I lean no - sound stage, not theatre; trivia nerds, not actors - but also strongly feel that "what is the Scottish play" should be acceptable as a response in these situations. Quick, someone go on Jeopardy! and ask in your contestant anecdote segment.
My sister went to Florida recently and brought us all snacks back from a Buc-ees, which I guess is some beloved Texas/southern gas station chain? Anyway, the Buc-ees pickled brussel sprouts are really good, but I am not interested in procuring more. Anyone have a good pickled brussel sprouts recipe they like? (Google provides plenty options and I quick pickle veg regularly, but if someone has a recipe they can vouch for, I'm interested!)
posted by the primroses were over at 6:08 AM on April 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
… pickled brussel sprouts - my god but the world is full of wonders
posted by From Bklyn at 8:34 AM on April 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by From Bklyn at 8:34 AM on April 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
Not really snuggle-on-the-couch snacks, but I do have two foods that I recently started making, and I'm a little obsessed with them...
One is marinated eggs, which I reheat in the microwave for an any-time snack. (In mine, it takes 20-25 seconds, flipping it over half-way through.) The recipe says they keep a month! I haven't tested that. Because I had them (leftover from a ramen-making project), I added a splash of sake, some rehydrated dried mushrooms, and a rehydrated square of kelp, which I also used to submerge the eggs in marinade, but I think they'd be a great snack anyway.
The other is chorizo tacos. I make these with already fully-cooked chorizo, so my method is: slice and quarter the slices, fry in pan until dark brown in spots, add two chopped chilis in adobo from a can (or one, if you prefer it milder), and fry a little more. (I freeze each of the leftover chilis in adobo with a little of their sauce in an ice cube tray, and they thaw enough to chop by the time you need them if you take them out when you start cooking.) For me, sour cream at the end is a must, to tame the heat. If I have them, I might also add other fixings.
posted by daisyace at 8:37 AM on April 16, 2023
One is marinated eggs, which I reheat in the microwave for an any-time snack. (In mine, it takes 20-25 seconds, flipping it over half-way through.) The recipe says they keep a month! I haven't tested that. Because I had them (leftover from a ramen-making project), I added a splash of sake, some rehydrated dried mushrooms, and a rehydrated square of kelp, which I also used to submerge the eggs in marinade, but I think they'd be a great snack anyway.
The other is chorizo tacos. I make these with already fully-cooked chorizo, so my method is: slice and quarter the slices, fry in pan until dark brown in spots, add two chopped chilis in adobo from a can (or one, if you prefer it milder), and fry a little more. (I freeze each of the leftover chilis in adobo with a little of their sauce in an ice cube tray, and they thaw enough to chop by the time you need them if you take them out when you start cooking.) For me, sour cream at the end is a must, to tame the heat. If I have them, I might also add other fixings.
posted by daisyace at 8:37 AM on April 16, 2023
I made peanut squares two days ago and the roommate ate over a pound of them in a day. I guess they were good.
Preheat oven to 325
Line parchment paper in a 9x13 pan and oil the sides
700g salted peanuts
350g white sugar
-> whizz in a food processor until fine crumbs
-> decant into large mixing bowl
+ 3 eggs
+ tsp vanilla
+ optional 1/4 cup choc chips
-> combine thoroughly with wooden spoon, it will be sticky as hell
-> press into even layer in pan, dampen hands to prevent sticking
-> Bake ~15 minutes
-> raise temperature to 350 and bake for 3 more to get a nice golden top
Let cool thoroughly before trying to remove from pan or section.
You could of use regular peanut butter and a dash of salt if you don't have a food processor but the texture won't be as good.
posted by seanmpuckett at 2:11 PM on April 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
Preheat oven to 325
Line parchment paper in a 9x13 pan and oil the sides
700g salted peanuts
350g white sugar
-> whizz in a food processor until fine crumbs
-> decant into large mixing bowl
+ 3 eggs
+ tsp vanilla
+ optional 1/4 cup choc chips
-> combine thoroughly with wooden spoon, it will be sticky as hell
-> press into even layer in pan, dampen hands to prevent sticking
-> Bake ~15 minutes
-> raise temperature to 350 and bake for 3 more to get a nice golden top
Let cool thoroughly before trying to remove from pan or section.
You could of use regular peanut butter and a dash of salt if you don't have a food processor but the texture won't be as good.
posted by seanmpuckett at 2:11 PM on April 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
Betty Mac Mac face
Macbeth mac Facelaech
third time's a charm.
posted by clavdivs at 3:15 PM on April 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
Macbeth mac Facelaech
third time's a charm.
posted by clavdivs at 3:15 PM on April 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
I like to think Jeopardy! would have accepted The Scottish Play as an answer, but I guess their stock in trade are these highly specific technicalities.
posted by mykescipark at 5:05 PM on April 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by mykescipark at 5:05 PM on April 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
Double Stuff Oreos.
Or, a loaf of fresh rye bread from the local bakery. I have to have my gf put away half the loaf lest I eat it all.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 5:22 PM on April 16, 2023
Or, a loaf of fresh rye bread from the local bakery. I have to have my gf put away half the loaf lest I eat it all.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 5:22 PM on April 16, 2023
Double Stuff McFacebeth
sorry, I got carried away...
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:31 PM on April 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
sorry, I got carried away...
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:31 PM on April 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
Heat oil on med-high
1/4 cup popcorn - pop, pop, pop!
Transfer popcorn to bowl
Melt lots of butter, drizzle it all over the popcorn
Sprinkle with Flavicol (salt) and looooooots of nutritional yeast (nooch)
Eat with a spoon so you keep your fingers clean, and so that the nooch goes into your mouth, rather than sticking to your fingers!
posted by tinydancer at 12:17 PM on April 17, 2023 [2 favorites]
1/4 cup popcorn - pop, pop, pop!
Transfer popcorn to bowl
Melt lots of butter, drizzle it all over the popcorn
Sprinkle with Flavicol (salt) and looooooots of nutritional yeast (nooch)
Eat with a spoon so you keep your fingers clean, and so that the nooch goes into your mouth, rather than sticking to your fingers!
posted by tinydancer at 12:17 PM on April 17, 2023 [2 favorites]
I'm gonna have to object to the spoon advice, tinydancer. A snack I have a weakness for, rarely indulged, is CHEETOS (original flavor, crunchy) and one of the best parts is scraping the accreted cheese dust off your fingers with your teeth. (unless my cat gets there first!)
posted by supermedusa at 12:42 PM on April 17, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by supermedusa at 12:42 PM on April 17, 2023 [2 favorites]
The sourdough worked perfectly, but I was not graced by the presence of The Darkness - cat tax from a winter night not that long ago. It's not quite cool enough here to be worth lighting the fire quite yet but maybe in a week or so. And I cannot wait. Neither can the cat, I suspect, assuming she has a grasp of time and scheduling and so forth. Hard to tell with cats.
posted by ninazer0 at 3:49 PM on April 17, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by ninazer0 at 3:49 PM on April 17, 2023 [3 favorites]
Chopsticks are the best dainty way to eat snack foods coated in flavor dust. The precision really puts a spoon to shame, and your hand stays further from the flavor zone.
posted by momus_window at 11:53 AM on April 18, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by momus_window at 11:53 AM on April 18, 2023 [3 favorites]
Ginger Lemon Haribo. Salty/sweet/tart. I'm also on a cucumbers and onion kick...usually with oil/vinegar. Chocolate chip cookies, too.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 2:32 PM on April 18, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 2:32 PM on April 18, 2023 [1 favorite]
I am 100% Team Chopsticks for Cheetos. Works great for buttered popcorn, too.
posted by Daily Alice at 2:42 PM on April 18, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Daily Alice at 2:42 PM on April 18, 2023 [1 favorite]
Put the stainless steel pot on the stove and set the flame a bit below medium. Not quite medium-low, but not all the way medium.
Get out the jar and scoop out a heaping teaspoon of the coconut oil and chuck it in. Go clang-clang-clang on the side of the pot to make the annoying sound and also get the last crumbs of oil off the spoon.
Carve off way more butter than you think into a pyrex measuring cup, and pop that in the microwave for 30s.
Grab a thick pinch of the popcorn salt you got in the big-ass container with the terrifying clown on the label 20 years ago. Throw that in the pot and swozzle the pot around.
Pour, I dunno, a third of a cup of Bob's Red Mill* white popcorn into the now-mostly melted coconut oil. Slap the lid on and do more swozzling.
Go grab one paper grocery sack. Like a whole big one. I know, you don't ever get them because that was the before times. There's gotta be one around here somewhere. Put it on the floor next to you.
Swozzle the pot around again and then get the thing of butter out of the microwave. Stir it with the coconut oil spoon and then leave it to settle out again.
Right about now the popcorn is going from tentatively to merrily popping. Get back to swozzling the pot around. Shake it vigorously a few times so that the puffy bits aren't pushing the cronchy bits up off the fire.
When the puffy bits get too close to the lid, dump some out into the paper sack and return the pot to the fire. Get a-swozzlin'.
Keep doing this until you go about two-and-a-half-ish seconds without hearing a pop. Don't get greedy or you're gonna be airing out the kitchen.
Empty the whole thing out into the paper sack.
Grab the pyrex thing -- you used a little one, right? -- and sit down on the floor with your paper sack. Tilt the paper sack on one corner and start chooching it up and down. Not super vigorously, but you're trying to circulate the popcorn in a kind of wave motion flow.
Drizzle and circulate. Drizzle and circulate. Keep your eyes on what's going on in there. Reverse direction if you have to. Your goal is to get an even coat going while avoiding getting too greasy. If you're lucky, you can get down to the juicy wet milk solids part of the pyrex.
Pinch the sack closed a bit, and shake it up and down super noisily like you're trying to annoy the whole house for 3 or 4 seconds. Check and see if it's salty enough. Sometimes it doesn't pick up enough of the creepy clown stuff from the pot and you have to throw in a little extra and give it another shake. Sometimes it's fine.
Dump the whole operation out into a couple of big bowls.
You now have really good popcorn.
* You may substitute Amish Country "Mushroom" popcorn if you prefer more of a "zoo popcorn" flavor, but you're going to get more shells as a result.
posted by majick at 3:45 PM on April 18, 2023 [5 favorites]
Get out the jar and scoop out a heaping teaspoon of the coconut oil and chuck it in. Go clang-clang-clang on the side of the pot to make the annoying sound and also get the last crumbs of oil off the spoon.
Carve off way more butter than you think into a pyrex measuring cup, and pop that in the microwave for 30s.
Grab a thick pinch of the popcorn salt you got in the big-ass container with the terrifying clown on the label 20 years ago. Throw that in the pot and swozzle the pot around.
Pour, I dunno, a third of a cup of Bob's Red Mill* white popcorn into the now-mostly melted coconut oil. Slap the lid on and do more swozzling.
Go grab one paper grocery sack. Like a whole big one. I know, you don't ever get them because that was the before times. There's gotta be one around here somewhere. Put it on the floor next to you.
Swozzle the pot around again and then get the thing of butter out of the microwave. Stir it with the coconut oil spoon and then leave it to settle out again.
Right about now the popcorn is going from tentatively to merrily popping. Get back to swozzling the pot around. Shake it vigorously a few times so that the puffy bits aren't pushing the cronchy bits up off the fire.
When the puffy bits get too close to the lid, dump some out into the paper sack and return the pot to the fire. Get a-swozzlin'.
Keep doing this until you go about two-and-a-half-ish seconds without hearing a pop. Don't get greedy or you're gonna be airing out the kitchen.
Empty the whole thing out into the paper sack.
Grab the pyrex thing -- you used a little one, right? -- and sit down on the floor with your paper sack. Tilt the paper sack on one corner and start chooching it up and down. Not super vigorously, but you're trying to circulate the popcorn in a kind of wave motion flow.
Drizzle and circulate. Drizzle and circulate. Keep your eyes on what's going on in there. Reverse direction if you have to. Your goal is to get an even coat going while avoiding getting too greasy. If you're lucky, you can get down to the juicy wet milk solids part of the pyrex.
Pinch the sack closed a bit, and shake it up and down super noisily like you're trying to annoy the whole house for 3 or 4 seconds. Check and see if it's salty enough. Sometimes it doesn't pick up enough of the creepy clown stuff from the pot and you have to throw in a little extra and give it another shake. Sometimes it's fine.
Dump the whole operation out into a couple of big bowls.
You now have really good popcorn.
* You may substitute Amish Country "Mushroom" popcorn if you prefer more of a "zoo popcorn" flavor, but you're going to get more shells as a result.
posted by majick at 3:45 PM on April 18, 2023 [5 favorites]
Request for majick to rewrite all recipes everywhere. If the recipe doesn't have swozzling and chooching, I don't want it.
posted by taz (staff) at 11:06 PM on April 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by taz (staff) at 11:06 PM on April 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
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posted by taz (staff) at 2:16 AM on April 15, 2023 [4 favorites]