Metatalktail Hour: Thank Goodness for MeFi October 3, 2021 7:43 PM Subscribe
Happy weekend, MeFi, a little late in the weekend! This week, I'd like to know what about mefi makes you say "thank goodness for mefi!" and I will tell my own sordid tale in the first comment.
I enjoy weird serendipities, and MeFi seems to be the sort of place that those happen. It's also been practically useful to me a few times: I called a plumber, I hired a nanny, and I solved a garage ooze following the collective wisdom of AskMe. And during a challenging time in my life a couple years back, this community gave me a sprawling snail mail Telephone Pictionary chain to look forward to as a distraction from the hard things. I still have a little booklet from that game sitting on my desk at home.
posted by eirias at 8:07 PM on October 3, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by eirias at 8:07 PM on October 3, 2021 [4 favorites]
for me, apart from the horizon-expanding endless sequence of best-of-web things that a) i wouldn't find, myself, or b) don't imagine self as interested in before encountering, it is the comments, where, whatever the topic, a range of generally thoughtful people will offer their diverse perspectives, opinions, guesses and questions -- broadening my own perspective, refining my sensitivity, etc -- on the subject matter at hand (and any number of reasonable tangents), and one person, or more than one, who has actual first-hand experience, or credentialed or otherwise evident expertise on the matter at hand will knowingly, thoroughly, thoughtfully, in short, authoritatively chime in. and the jokes, witticisms, puns.
Eyebrows McGee, just this week little lurk and little lurk's friend composed a song that mostly was "p-p-p-penis!" and giggling, and performed it for me. twice: i recorded it -- promising to play it for their prom dates (little lurk: "i just won't go to prom then") -- and tried to be cool, but it, and the pictures, one of which had a figure with a really-pretty-nicely-drawn little cherubic penis (friend has an infant brother) like you'd see on a fountain, named "mr. penis" if memory serves, sparked a wash of anxieties in ol' dad, and i have thought of much of what i'd read expressed here. anyway, little lurk's mom was in on (or aware of) it, friend's mom was unfazed by the recording -- feel like my cya diligence has been performed; and their pronunciation was fine, in contrast to a couple years ago when i recall the same pair shrieking "i can see your burgina" at me (among other exclamations featuring hysterical attempts at that word) while i pushed them on one of those ol' three-chain tractor-tire swings, and i had to insist that they carefully enunciate the v at the beginning of that word ("va-") and understand that, mostly, daddies don't have vaginas, or in any case not the daddies they know.
i also have a recording of the poo-pooo poo-poo song, sort of a hip hop hook, and have tried to incorporate "my mother is a buttock" and "put your head inside my booty" into edm tracks (using garage band but have some sort of psychological block about music software that prevents my comprehension and fruitful use; apologies -- really wish i had something mefimusic shareable; not sure how to get there) but have only made loops: put your head inside my booty makes for a reasonably startling alarm sound. once the child, four maybe, told me "boys only like two things!" and, upon vex'd inquiry, offered "legos and blocks"; i tried to get little lurk to repeat the dialog, but the frisson was gone. oh i think there's a whole song & dance about mama loving naked mole rat buttholes, letting naked mole rats climb in her bed and lick her eyes then put their buttholes on her toothbrush. i, uh, have not considered working to further develop that one. a case where the music software dysphoria may be working in our favor.
i mean, the kid's really got their thumb on the pulse of popular music.
i will add, finally, that, ever since amazon said [our computers have inferred that you have a young child so] give us your young child's name and birthdate for free amazon prime trial, and i said fuck no, i have been skittish about broadcasting the existence of said child -- we raised a stink with the nursery school for the unconsented FB page photos. goddamn! -- on every forum but this one.
posted by 20 year lurk at 9:15 PM on October 3, 2021 [11 favorites]
Eyebrows McGee, just this week little lurk and little lurk's friend composed a song that mostly was "p-p-p-penis!" and giggling, and performed it for me. twice: i recorded it -- promising to play it for their prom dates (little lurk: "i just won't go to prom then") -- and tried to be cool, but it, and the pictures, one of which had a figure with a really-pretty-nicely-drawn little cherubic penis (friend has an infant brother) like you'd see on a fountain, named "mr. penis" if memory serves, sparked a wash of anxieties in ol' dad, and i have thought of much of what i'd read expressed here. anyway, little lurk's mom was in on (or aware of) it, friend's mom was unfazed by the recording -- feel like my cya diligence has been performed; and their pronunciation was fine, in contrast to a couple years ago when i recall the same pair shrieking "i can see your burgina" at me (among other exclamations featuring hysterical attempts at that word) while i pushed them on one of those ol' three-chain tractor-tire swings, and i had to insist that they carefully enunciate the v at the beginning of that word ("va-") and understand that, mostly, daddies don't have vaginas, or in any case not the daddies they know.
i also have a recording of the poo-pooo poo-poo song, sort of a hip hop hook, and have tried to incorporate "my mother is a buttock" and "put your head inside my booty" into edm tracks (using garage band but have some sort of psychological block about music software that prevents my comprehension and fruitful use; apologies -- really wish i had something mefimusic shareable; not sure how to get there) but have only made loops: put your head inside my booty makes for a reasonably startling alarm sound. once the child, four maybe, told me "boys only like two things!" and, upon vex'd inquiry, offered "legos and blocks"; i tried to get little lurk to repeat the dialog, but the frisson was gone. oh i think there's a whole song & dance about mama loving naked mole rat buttholes, letting naked mole rats climb in her bed and lick her eyes then put their buttholes on her toothbrush. i, uh, have not considered working to further develop that one. a case where the music software dysphoria may be working in our favor.
i mean, the kid's really got their thumb on the pulse of popular music.
i will add, finally, that, ever since amazon said [our computers have inferred that you have a young child so] give us your young child's name and birthdate for free amazon prime trial, and i said fuck no, i have been skittish about broadcasting the existence of said child -- we raised a stink with the nursery school for the unconsented FB page photos. goddamn! -- on every forum but this one.
posted by 20 year lurk at 9:15 PM on October 3, 2021 [11 favorites]
Wait. It's not a city in East Germany?
Finding that out is what makes this place great for me.
posted by AugustWest at 11:09 PM on October 3, 2021 [9 favorites]
Finding that out is what makes this place great for me.
posted by AugustWest at 11:09 PM on October 3, 2021 [9 favorites]
On the serious and profound side, I have been extremely grateful for MeFites since the Trump election. At first, I was so horrified and shocked that I couldn't function, but the shared horror and the shared conversation about how and why this shit could even happen and how we were going to live through the coming shitstorm helped me resolve to resist, to fight against the evil. I was one of the people who kept the long thread open all the time, even at work, and used it to keep up with what was happening and how to fight it. I learned a lot of long form curse words, too, and how to use them. It filled me with comfort to hear so many voices emphatically crying that that this shit will not stand! I am very thankful for the sanity and compassion I see every day at MetaFilter.
On the less dire side, I love that we share so many ponderables such as "piss over or through the underwear slot?" or "sit or stand to wipe?".
I also have revealed more of the real things that matter most to me here. MF was the first place I ever revealed that I am autistic. And found out that many people here are also. And nobody thought any the less of me and indeed, commiserated about the problems and rejoiced in the differences that make us who we are. I feel heard.
I also appreciate that any time I need to talk to someone in the middle of the night, I can come here and read the best and worst of humanity, written by my internet friends. When I'm upset, I can read the comments that I've favorited since I use favorites largely to mark things that made me laugh hard. I also value when we check in with each other during natural disasters. It's good to know that people are alright or find out if they need help. These threads are better than any other news source for what is really happening to people we care about.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 1:31 AM on October 4, 2021 [28 favorites]
On the less dire side, I love that we share so many ponderables such as "piss over or through the underwear slot?" or "sit or stand to wipe?".
I also have revealed more of the real things that matter most to me here. MF was the first place I ever revealed that I am autistic. And found out that many people here are also. And nobody thought any the less of me and indeed, commiserated about the problems and rejoiced in the differences that make us who we are. I feel heard.
I also appreciate that any time I need to talk to someone in the middle of the night, I can come here and read the best and worst of humanity, written by my internet friends. When I'm upset, I can read the comments that I've favorited since I use favorites largely to mark things that made me laugh hard. I also value when we check in with each other during natural disasters. It's good to know that people are alright or find out if they need help. These threads are better than any other news source for what is really happening to people we care about.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 1:31 AM on October 4, 2021 [28 favorites]
What a humble nudibranch said.
Also, as a fifty-something single woman with no children or large circle of friends, Metafilter for more than a decade is where I've found the most stories of people in a similar circumstance - sometimes doing well and sometimes less so, sharing the ups and downs of living outside the expected paradigms - it often makes the difference between a good day and a bad day. And there is so much wisdom, humor and good-natured feeling shared here (mostly). Metafilter is my favorite, most appreciated internet place.
posted by Glinn at 8:30 AM on October 4, 2021 [24 favorites]
Also, as a fifty-something single woman with no children or large circle of friends, Metafilter for more than a decade is where I've found the most stories of people in a similar circumstance - sometimes doing well and sometimes less so, sharing the ups and downs of living outside the expected paradigms - it often makes the difference between a good day and a bad day. And there is so much wisdom, humor and good-natured feeling shared here (mostly). Metafilter is my favorite, most appreciated internet place.
posted by Glinn at 8:30 AM on October 4, 2021 [24 favorites]
The mefi parenting Facebook group taught me the trick to get a stuck object out of a nose where you cover the kid's mouth with yours, plug the other nostril and blow. Then a few days later, my 2yo stuck a hazelnut up his nose and it worked perfectly. This was early in the pandemic so we were especially glad to not have to go to the ER!
posted by carolr at 10:21 AM on October 4, 2021 [16 favorites]
posted by carolr at 10:21 AM on October 4, 2021 [16 favorites]
"It's on the way to Conception Bay*, Newfoundland, buddy. First you goes through Come By Chance.* And you ends up at Placentia.* Although some people stop by Dildo* first."
*All places in Newfoundland.
posted by warriorqueen at 10:39 AM on October 4, 2021 [4 favorites]
*All places in Newfoundland.
posted by warriorqueen at 10:39 AM on October 4, 2021 [4 favorites]
Does that have anything to do with how long it took for them to become part of Canada?
posted by y2karl at 11:42 AM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by y2karl at 11:42 AM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
What? No. It's in Michigan.
And 16 other places in N. America. There's also a Yeehaw in Florida, which could conceivably (sorry) count.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:51 AM on October 4, 2021 [2 favorites]
And 16 other places in N. America. There's also a Yeehaw in Florida, which could conceivably (sorry) count.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:51 AM on October 4, 2021 [2 favorites]
Seriously, local Metafilter meetups provided me with a social circle full of wonderful, intelligent, funny people when I moved across the country by myself 13 years ago to a place where I didn't know a soul.
Less seriously, I'm very grateful that Metafilter has given me a place to make many silly jokes.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:59 AM on October 4, 2021 [5 favorites]
Less seriously, I'm very grateful that Metafilter has given me a place to make many silly jokes.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:59 AM on October 4, 2021 [5 favorites]
Metafilter helps me to not just give up on the whole thing. It keeps some light alive. I 'preciate ya!
posted by Oyéah at 12:33 PM on October 4, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by Oyéah at 12:33 PM on October 4, 2021 [6 favorites]
If I have to choose, I love that you're always there. If I get stuck in an elevator, or lock myself in somebody's bedroom, or get a kitchen drawer stuck, or can't remember some totally obscure bit of useless trivia, I know exactly where to go for immediate help.
posted by HotToddy at 1:04 PM on October 4, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by HotToddy at 1:04 PM on October 4, 2021 [7 favorites]
I have learned so much about so many interesting things and heard from so many different perspectives that I would have likely never have been exposed to if it weren't for MeFi. I've also learned a whole lot about how to argue in good faith, from both positive and negative examples. It's fair to say that Mefi has been a big influence on my personal growth these past 20 years, and I'm more than okay with that.
posted by mollweide at 5:54 PM on October 4, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by mollweide at 5:54 PM on October 4, 2021 [6 favorites]
"That's what it was called before reunification, it's called something different now."
Chemnitz, amiright
posted by Namlit at 12:13 AM on October 5, 2021
Chemnitz, amiright
posted by Namlit at 12:13 AM on October 5, 2021
When my previous cat died, shockingly suddenly and terribly young, I made a comment in a thread about it, and quite a number of people out of the blue (heh) sent me memails of condolence, which was a small bright spot in the grief.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:48 AM on October 5, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:48 AM on October 5, 2021 [4 favorites]
I've been introduced to so much good thinking through this site and so many useful perspectives unlike my own. A measurable portion of my friend group thinks I am some sort of emotionally competent Wise Old Owl and that is almost entirely due to reading so much AskMe.
Y'all are really funny, too. Threads like the one that resulted in the Flavortown meet-up are a daily delight. Eyebrows, I'm going to be chuckling about, "...what am I, the German reunification naming committee?" all day today.
posted by merriment at 4:26 AM on October 5, 2021 [8 favorites]
Y'all are really funny, too. Threads like the one that resulted in the Flavortown meet-up are a daily delight. Eyebrows, I'm going to be chuckling about, "...what am I, the German reunification naming committee?" all day today.
posted by merriment at 4:26 AM on October 5, 2021 [8 favorites]
For me, a huge draw is the literacy. Unlike anywhere else I've seen on the Internet where people comment, most of you pay strict attention to spelling, capitalization and grammar; you really care about your writing. Thank you!
posted by Rash at 8:07 AM on October 5, 2021 [13 favorites]
posted by Rash at 8:07 AM on October 5, 2021 [13 favorites]
Rash! I dropped in to say that exactly. Sometimes MeFi seems a lone voice punctuating in the wilderness.
Also, I very much value the many posts and comments (occasionally threads) that are really goddamn funny. I don’t have time to search and link right now, but I urge everyone to seek out the ones about bad writing, hovercrafts, illustrated Scientology manuals (disclaimer: that one’s mine), cats and invisible things, cats and scanners (natch), ad nauseam. Some of those are ancient. I hope they’re still there.
posted by scratch at 9:23 AM on October 5, 2021 [5 favorites]
Also, I very much value the many posts and comments (occasionally threads) that are really goddamn funny. I don’t have time to search and link right now, but I urge everyone to seek out the ones about bad writing, hovercrafts, illustrated Scientology manuals (disclaimer: that one’s mine), cats and invisible things, cats and scanners (natch), ad nauseam. Some of those are ancient. I hope they’re still there.
posted by scratch at 9:23 AM on October 5, 2021 [5 favorites]
Of course Orgasm is in East Germany, it's right across the bridge to Fucking, Austria!
posted by briank at 10:11 AM on October 5, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by briank at 10:11 AM on October 5, 2021 [3 favorites]
Yes, but only about 20% of women come by that bridge. Others come by way of Wankum (or as far away as Dildo).
posted by Hardcore Poser at 2:13 PM on October 5, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Hardcore Poser at 2:13 PM on October 5, 2021 [2 favorites]
For me, in addition to reading all of the AskMe and Metafilter posts, and learning about many things that I wouldn't have thought of otherwise, it was the friendships. With local meetups, and the tour of Cortex, or the meetup in North Hampton. I remember walking into a meetup in Portland, and Rusty was sitting at the bar, and he said, "Metafilter?"
Years later, we used signs to guide people to our meetups. Then a friend of a friend new a friend of my husband's knew one of my meetup buddies (Maine is a big small town, after all).
When I lived in Ellsworth, and had just come off a long stint of taking care of my father-in-law, we went to a MetaFilter meet-up in Bar Harbor. So many nice people, including some who were visiting from away, I think some were linguists from the UK, but also locals. It was a really welcoming group.
Most of all, when my husband was ill and dying last year, a very nice MeFi wrote to me, and spoke to me on the phone when he passed away. I'm very isolated here, on the lake, and my grown kids are in the Midwest and I don't have a lot of local support. So that was really, really significant for me at that time in my life.
I now have lots of support, bereavement counselor, girlfriends, etc. But at the time, that one person was my sole support, and I am very grateful, because I was all alone, my husband had just died, and they called me on the phone and talked to me. I will never forget that, that kindness of a stranger on the internet, who stopped their day and took the time to call me and comfort me the night after my husband died.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 2:34 PM on October 5, 2021 [35 favorites]
Years later, we used signs to guide people to our meetups. Then a friend of a friend new a friend of my husband's knew one of my meetup buddies (Maine is a big small town, after all).
When I lived in Ellsworth, and had just come off a long stint of taking care of my father-in-law, we went to a MetaFilter meet-up in Bar Harbor. So many nice people, including some who were visiting from away, I think some were linguists from the UK, but also locals. It was a really welcoming group.
Most of all, when my husband was ill and dying last year, a very nice MeFi wrote to me, and spoke to me on the phone when he passed away. I'm very isolated here, on the lake, and my grown kids are in the Midwest and I don't have a lot of local support. So that was really, really significant for me at that time in my life.
I now have lots of support, bereavement counselor, girlfriends, etc. But at the time, that one person was my sole support, and I am very grateful, because I was all alone, my husband had just died, and they called me on the phone and talked to me. I will never forget that, that kindness of a stranger on the internet, who stopped their day and took the time to call me and comfort me the night after my husband died.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 2:34 PM on October 5, 2021 [35 favorites]
but only about 20% of women come by that bridge.
It's because of the cobblestones.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:44 PM on October 5, 2021 [4 favorites]
It's because of the cobblestones.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:44 PM on October 5, 2021 [4 favorites]
Fucking, Austria
They changed the name. I had hoped for Cuddling but I guess I am just an o!d fashioned kind of guy. That said, they went for Fugging, I assume as a Norman Mailer reference, so I guess they are pretty old fashioned too.
posted by biffa at 4:55 PM on October 5, 2021
They changed the name. I had hoped for Cuddling but I guess I am just an o!d fashioned kind of guy. That said, they went for Fugging, I assume as a Norman Mailer reference, so I guess they are pretty old fashioned too.
posted by biffa at 4:55 PM on October 5, 2021
Since the whippings ended, it's been great! I did work on being a better membra. I have several spouses here.
posted by Oyéah at 6:20 PM on October 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Oyéah at 6:20 PM on October 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
You all convince me that there are smart, thoughtful, interesting, humorous people in the world, aside from the 30 such people I've met IRL, three or four of whom I wouldn't feel weird about phoning to chat about random soup recipes or bathroom habits. (Well, I'd probably feel weird about any discussion of bathroom habits. But, not for reasons that I can embrace.)
posted by eotvos at 7:19 PM on October 5, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by eotvos at 7:19 PM on October 5, 2021 [3 favorites]
I am terrible at gratitude, but Metafilter makes me want to say thank you fairly often. For the jokes, and for the perspectives and experiences unlike my own. For new ideas and understandings, for the terrible puns and for the wonderful meetups. For helping me keep up with my kids' media consumption. For being willing to discuss books (and for the tremendous recommendations--I have found so much to read, thanks to suggestions I've found here!). For good advice. For questions I would not have thought to ask! For being present, especially in these difficult days. Thank you, people of MetaFilter. Thank you.
posted by MonkeyToes at 7:35 PM on October 5, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by MonkeyToes at 7:35 PM on October 5, 2021 [7 favorites]
I don't really have words that adequately express why I'm thankful for Metafilter. You all have helped me through some of the hardest times in my life -- relationship things, sicknesses, SO many things regarding parenting, psychological issues -- and I would not have managed any of them nearly as well without the wise advice and (sometimes tough) love I got here. This was the first public place I came out as transgender and the reception I got gave me the courage to come out more widely. The parenting spinoff group is the only reason I'm still on Facebook and is full of people I consider friends even though I've never met any of them in person.
Metafilter is also a place where know I'll always find something interesting to read and be reassured that the world does contain a bunch of sane and nice people after all.
posted by contrapositive at 9:43 PM on October 5, 2021 [5 favorites]
Metafilter is also a place where know I'll always find something interesting to read and be reassured that the world does contain a bunch of sane and nice people after all.
posted by contrapositive at 9:43 PM on October 5, 2021 [5 favorites]
Socializing without socializing. Basically magic.
posted by firstdaffodils at 9:50 PM on October 5, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by firstdaffodils at 9:50 PM on October 5, 2021 [7 favorites]
Cheese heist.
posted by myotahapea at 10:42 AM on October 6, 2021 [9 favorites]
posted by myotahapea at 10:42 AM on October 6, 2021 [9 favorites]
Best of the web
posted by AugustWest at 11:26 AM on October 6, 2021
posted by AugustWest at 11:26 AM on October 6, 2021
AskMeFi actually works, and I think it's because of the "resolved/best answer" function. Hands down the best format for crowdsourced advice ever, because it allows you to identify good advice AND identify bad (or not-best) advice! See, now I want to do some quick & dirty computational linguistics research on the AskMeFi corpus, but instead I have to go back to work. Thanks, MeFi.
posted by All hands bury the dead at 12:49 PM on October 6, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by All hands bury the dead at 12:49 PM on October 6, 2021 [5 favorites]
I owe Metafilter eternal thanks for a job (wow, that was almost fifteen years ago, and though the company was eventually eaten by a bigger company, I'm still there) and, directly and indirectly, lots of friends.
posted by tangerine at 1:43 PM on October 6, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by tangerine at 1:43 PM on October 6, 2021 [4 favorites]
I think AskMe is definitely the jewel in the crown of Metafilter. (So, I guess a tip of the hat to Jessamyn, who I understand had a lot to do with shaping it.) Prior to AskMe, the idea of putting a question to the "hive mind" was laughable to me because most "all topics" sites have a terrible signal to noise ratio. Why would you voluntarily participate in that? AskMe often has subject matter experts weighing in, thoughtful people who can bring new perspectives that I haven't considered, etc. etc. Thanks, people of MeFi!
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 4:20 PM on October 6, 2021 [9 favorites]
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 4:20 PM on October 6, 2021 [9 favorites]
I talk to myself differently--more kindly--thanks to the Human Relations questions. Sometimes, when I'm having a bad time, I'll imagine myself drafting an AskMe post; and then, instead of actually posting it, I'll think, "What would Metafilter say?" and work through the problem. Reading so many variations of issues in life that I both do and don't relate to, and seeing all the different answers to them, has really provided me with a deep resource for self-care.
Yes, obviously, some things I prefer to have actual human responses to, but therapy is expensive! Pretending I'm both asker and answerer is free. It's not a perfect system, but it works for the smaller things, at least.
Dear Mefi, why can I be such a petty asshole about this one thing I perceive as a slight?
>Well, you see, it sounds like...
posted by lesser weasel at 10:25 PM on October 6, 2021 [9 favorites]
Yes, obviously, some things I prefer to have actual human responses to, but therapy is expensive! Pretending I'm both asker and answerer is free. It's not a perfect system, but it works for the smaller things, at least.
Dear Mefi, why can I be such a petty asshole about this one thing I perceive as a slight?
>Well, you see, it sounds like...
posted by lesser weasel at 10:25 PM on October 6, 2021 [9 favorites]
I don't use MetaFilter a lot these days, which is probably for the best for both me and for MetaFilter, but: I started commenting on MetaFilter when I was a very scared, confused, and lonely teen. I grew up as the outcast in an isolated and very Republican suburb, which meant developing both a hairpin trigger and a bunch of gross, regressive ways of looking at the world, and for various reasons I really struggled to connect with people in-person. When I went off to college I spent a solid year more-or-less isolated in my dorm room using the Internet as a portal to Anywhere Else, and, well, thank goodness I knew MetaFilter existed, because the only other two places I knew were SomethingAwful and Hacker News, which is about the worst combo for encouraging cishet teen boys along in their ways.
MetaFilter was full of smart, funny, interesting people who were nothing like anybody I'd known. On top of that, it was full of people I generally liked more than the people who I actually knew. So it was a solace in one way, and in another way it meant I did a lot of sitting and digesting a lot of complex ideas from people I'd never have met otherwise. On top of that, there were frankly a lot of moments where I'd join in a difficult discussion in the absolute most well-intentioned way I could imagine, and still got called out for blind spots and prejudices and just really not making people's days any better. Which I simultaneously regret, for everyone else's sake—again, here is probably a lot better off without me—but it was genuinely one of the most formative parts of my late teens and early twenties, and that's on top of it just generally keeping me sane.
I graduated college and moved to Jersey City broke and without a job, and I think that, for the two years I lived there, virtually all of the socializing I did was at MetaFilter meet-ups, which was also just a phenomenal taste of "smart, cool people with their shit together who were genuinely fun to spend time with" in a way I hadn't had much of before then. There were also a lot of cases where, not to mince words, some extremely kind people here were willing to help pay for me to hang out awkwardly in bars in Hell's Kitchen, which is really not an experience I could have afforded back then otherwise (where I tried to live on, gee, something like a $40/month grocery budget). On top of just being a really wonderful taste of getting to spend time with some terrific people, that particular kindness is one that's haunted me ever since, in a good way; I have a comfy job now, and getting to be the one who helps others go out for drinks and friendships is just kind of a thing I do now, entirely because of my experiences with people here.
This is already a bit more messy and self-centered than I'm comfortable with, so I'll cut it off here, but: while I have complicated feelings about MeFi that feel oddly like they're about a long-term relationship that went weird at the end, I can't really think about myself as a person without thinking of MetaFilter. It remains the most meaningful online community I've ever been a part of, and maybe the only big community I've ever really felt that way about period.
(Also, for all its struggles with community management, MetaTalk remains a fascinating study in how communities form and grow. In a weird way, it's indirectly responsible for a time when I helped call out and embarrass a Gross-Ass Fucker who runs a major social network, which led to his Skyping me to ask how to get people to stop hating him, so... that was kinda neat too. MetaFilter: kinda neat!)
posted by rorgy at 12:36 PM on October 7, 2021 [16 favorites]
MetaFilter was full of smart, funny, interesting people who were nothing like anybody I'd known. On top of that, it was full of people I generally liked more than the people who I actually knew. So it was a solace in one way, and in another way it meant I did a lot of sitting and digesting a lot of complex ideas from people I'd never have met otherwise. On top of that, there were frankly a lot of moments where I'd join in a difficult discussion in the absolute most well-intentioned way I could imagine, and still got called out for blind spots and prejudices and just really not making people's days any better. Which I simultaneously regret, for everyone else's sake—again, here is probably a lot better off without me—but it was genuinely one of the most formative parts of my late teens and early twenties, and that's on top of it just generally keeping me sane.
I graduated college and moved to Jersey City broke and without a job, and I think that, for the two years I lived there, virtually all of the socializing I did was at MetaFilter meet-ups, which was also just a phenomenal taste of "smart, cool people with their shit together who were genuinely fun to spend time with" in a way I hadn't had much of before then. There were also a lot of cases where, not to mince words, some extremely kind people here were willing to help pay for me to hang out awkwardly in bars in Hell's Kitchen, which is really not an experience I could have afforded back then otherwise (where I tried to live on, gee, something like a $40/month grocery budget). On top of just being a really wonderful taste of getting to spend time with some terrific people, that particular kindness is one that's haunted me ever since, in a good way; I have a comfy job now, and getting to be the one who helps others go out for drinks and friendships is just kind of a thing I do now, entirely because of my experiences with people here.
This is already a bit more messy and self-centered than I'm comfortable with, so I'll cut it off here, but: while I have complicated feelings about MeFi that feel oddly like they're about a long-term relationship that went weird at the end, I can't really think about myself as a person without thinking of MetaFilter. It remains the most meaningful online community I've ever been a part of, and maybe the only big community I've ever really felt that way about period.
(Also, for all its struggles with community management, MetaTalk remains a fascinating study in how communities form and grow. In a weird way, it's indirectly responsible for a time when I helped call out and embarrass a Gross-Ass Fucker who runs a major social network, which led to his Skyping me to ask how to get people to stop hating him, so... that was kinda neat too. MetaFilter: kinda neat!)
posted by rorgy at 12:36 PM on October 7, 2021 [16 favorites]
Oh! And I will forever remember The Whelk offering to shuttle me up for the Flavortown meetup, which was both my first MetaFilter meetup and the only time I think anyone has ever paid (or will ever pay) me to go to a thing purely out of spite. What a perfect, pure afternoon that was.
posted by rorgy at 12:52 PM on October 7, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by rorgy at 12:52 PM on October 7, 2021 [5 favorites]
Cool
posted by obfuscation at 3:02 PM on October 7, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by obfuscation at 3:02 PM on October 7, 2021 [1 favorite]
nothing makes me say "thank goodness for mefi!"
posted by - at 1:33 PM on October 7 [1 favorite +] [!]
yeah, I wouldn't say it like that either. Me - Fi (with "I" as in "eye") has opened my eyes to lots and, importantly shown me over and over and over again that a compassionate world-view is the best world-view. And I appreciate that. I might never say "thank fucking god for mefi"
(I, a heathen, hate the 'goodness'-for-'god' word swap. If you want to say 'god' say 'god' - no matter what some religious extremists say I, who don't believe in god anyway, none the less don't think deity-X would mind: and as a way to get people to always think of nameless deity with reverence, well I don't truck with your 'christian' god anyway and especially not with people who loudly proclaim they are 'evangelicals' yet believe in totally barbaric shit like state-sanctioned murder, life-crippling racism and bigotry so blind with hatred they would exclude their fellow humans because they don't believe in their god or don't love the 'right' person or etc etc etc... So, as a refutation of all that cultural hypocrisy, I will stick by 'thank god, god damn, god knows, oh my god' and etc. The hollow piety really sticks in my craw.) (that said,)
I might never say "thank fucking god for mefi" but I am thankful for it and for the mods who have steered it in the direction it has been going. It's a net good.
posted by From Bklyn at 1:24 AM on October 8, 2021
posted by - at 1:33 PM on October 7 [1 favorite +] [!]
yeah, I wouldn't say it like that either. Me - Fi (with "I" as in "eye") has opened my eyes to lots and, importantly shown me over and over and over again that a compassionate world-view is the best world-view. And I appreciate that. I might never say "thank fucking god for mefi"
(I, a heathen, hate the 'goodness'-for-'god' word swap. If you want to say 'god' say 'god' - no matter what some religious extremists say I, who don't believe in god anyway, none the less don't think deity-X would mind: and as a way to get people to always think of nameless deity with reverence, well I don't truck with your 'christian' god anyway and especially not with people who loudly proclaim they are 'evangelicals' yet believe in totally barbaric shit like state-sanctioned murder, life-crippling racism and bigotry so blind with hatred they would exclude their fellow humans because they don't believe in their god or don't love the 'right' person or etc etc etc... So, as a refutation of all that cultural hypocrisy, I will stick by 'thank god, god damn, god knows, oh my god' and etc. The hollow piety really sticks in my craw.) (that said,)
I might never say "thank fucking god for mefi" but I am thankful for it and for the mods who have steered it in the direction it has been going. It's a net good.
posted by From Bklyn at 1:24 AM on October 8, 2021
... you know, on reflection, I don't mean to say that any one person who says "goodness" is bad/wrong-headed/etc... I mean only that the colloquialism... bugs me. And that's on me.
posted by From Bklyn at 5:09 AM on October 8, 2021
posted by From Bklyn at 5:09 AM on October 8, 2021
Well thank goodness for that.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:45 AM on October 8, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:45 AM on October 8, 2021 [3 favorites]
Thank goodness I found a place that (for a while at least) included people who did the hard work of calling me on my bullshit, directly or indirectly.
posted by jedicus at 9:02 AM on October 8, 2021
posted by jedicus at 9:02 AM on October 8, 2021
I an enjoying watching Ted Lasso, and then coming to Fanfare for the discussion.
posted by theora55 at 10:39 AM on October 8, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 10:39 AM on October 8, 2021 [3 favorites]
'God' is not 'good', From Bklyn. A person might expect a heathen to agree with that.
posted by jamjam at 12:18 PM on October 8, 2021
posted by jamjam at 12:18 PM on October 8, 2021
I enjoy so many things about Metafilter, and so many things I should appreciate more. The last few days I really have been thanking goodness for the "Do writers not care..." thread. Which, warning, if you haven't looked, it may be quite upsetting with its content. But there are members arguing a number of points of view and there's a lot of humanity there, and it keeps evolving. It is pretty much what I have come to expect from this place in so many ways. I don't want to be too invidious and compare what's going on on other social media, but this is the only place where I'm not just outraged by the treatment. Thanks to everyone who is participating.
posted by BibiRose at 4:47 PM on October 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by BibiRose at 4:47 PM on October 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
"thank fucking god for mefi"Thank mods for mefi? I'm not entirely convinced they exist. But, I'm willing to entertain the idea for the sake of argument.
I don't think I've ever used either "thank God" or any of the alternative phrases. I could be wrong. The secular alternatives seem either silly or hostile to believers. "Thank chance" is tempting, but why start an argument? And why thank chance? Being grateful to chance is fine, but chance isn't going to hear your prayers. I'll just keep on saying, "w00t," to be sure I sound hip to the young folk.
posted by eotvos at 6:01 PM on October 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
Being grateful to chance is fine
Especially if he raps at your birthday party.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:37 PM on October 8, 2021 [4 favorites]
Especially if he raps at your birthday party.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:37 PM on October 8, 2021 [4 favorites]
Oh, riposte mon ami. La brièveté est quelque chose que Stan Laurel a réinventé.
I'm sort of with from bklyn. " what about mefi makes you say "thank goodness for mefi!" how can I come up with a Halloween post with a comment like that. besides anybody can do it somebody do it. what I think it is, feels like colloquialism, feels that way with the question in its entirety. on one scale it's a lot to ask or think about but something specificity generally comes up. for me it was two things. is when I felt members of metafilter were there for me at a certain time. As Matt said the non-friend thing well pretty accurate 2° I mean heavens to Betsy people have been married had children passed away. second was a metatalk thread I'd love to find. I remember asking about a certain member that hadn't been around. a second number said oh he's insert name here. then a third member came on back and said oh yeah saw him the other week, doing good. and a fourth commented how wonderful it was that three people in three different states who don't know each other can find out the well-being of another. that's something it's a sort of work its way through version of Matt's non-friend thing. metafitter also gave us troublemakers a space where that space is pretty thin to almost non-existent. here. but back to goodness yeah it invokes some sort of testimonial and whatnot. even my grandmother a diluted Presbyterian, three generations away from being Quaker. she used these words of good and bad etc but that was part of her colloquialism. she had a picture of a Bengal tiger in her living room above the mantle and wherever you walked in the room those eyes followed you kind of paintings. being the curious seven year old she told me that It was given to her father as a thank you because he paid for the art school I guess it was her niece or somebody. she said that's what you did when you had a spare money and somebody had a talent or gift or what not. but she used the word as it would encompass this deed of privilege. we are privileged to have extra money so he basically gave it away and that is diluted two generations from her grandparents who thought the end of the civil War in their letters was the coming of the fourth age. they also used privilege of mixed it in with the words of God/blessedness and a bunch of other really wild adjectives. so I guess it's connotations could be mixed but it works.
I haven't finished a novel in 3 years, I did try a rewrite of I, Claudius. separating all that, the Advent of the internet and all that entails with the human condition and interpersonal relations would make it fabulous background so I wrote two versions but the first would fisheye lens to Art Malik who's playing Claudius ascending the ranks of the praetorian barracks. Peter Gabriel's, Solsbury Hill. basically an MTV montage overlaped with the lyrics. okay my time's up so "mefi makes you say "thank goodness for mefi!""
it's a good question but do you really want me to answer that.
posted by clavdivs at 9:24 PM on October 8, 2021 [5 favorites]
I'm sort of with from bklyn. " what about mefi makes you say "thank goodness for mefi!" how can I come up with a Halloween post with a comment like that. besides anybody can do it somebody do it. what I think it is, feels like colloquialism, feels that way with the question in its entirety. on one scale it's a lot to ask or think about but something specificity generally comes up. for me it was two things. is when I felt members of metafilter were there for me at a certain time. As Matt said the non-friend thing well pretty accurate 2° I mean heavens to Betsy people have been married had children passed away. second was a metatalk thread I'd love to find. I remember asking about a certain member that hadn't been around. a second number said oh he's insert name here. then a third member came on back and said oh yeah saw him the other week, doing good. and a fourth commented how wonderful it was that three people in three different states who don't know each other can find out the well-being of another. that's something it's a sort of work its way through version of Matt's non-friend thing. metafitter also gave us troublemakers a space where that space is pretty thin to almost non-existent. here. but back to goodness yeah it invokes some sort of testimonial and whatnot. even my grandmother a diluted Presbyterian, three generations away from being Quaker. she used these words of good and bad etc but that was part of her colloquialism. she had a picture of a Bengal tiger in her living room above the mantle and wherever you walked in the room those eyes followed you kind of paintings. being the curious seven year old she told me that It was given to her father as a thank you because he paid for the art school I guess it was her niece or somebody. she said that's what you did when you had a spare money and somebody had a talent or gift or what not. but she used the word as it would encompass this deed of privilege. we are privileged to have extra money so he basically gave it away and that is diluted two generations from her grandparents who thought the end of the civil War in their letters was the coming of the fourth age. they also used privilege of mixed it in with the words of God/blessedness and a bunch of other really wild adjectives. so I guess it's connotations could be mixed but it works.
I haven't finished a novel in 3 years, I did try a rewrite of I, Claudius. separating all that, the Advent of the internet and all that entails with the human condition and interpersonal relations would make it fabulous background so I wrote two versions but the first would fisheye lens to Art Malik who's playing Claudius ascending the ranks of the praetorian barracks. Peter Gabriel's, Solsbury Hill. basically an MTV montage overlaped with the lyrics. okay my time's up so "mefi makes you say "thank goodness for mefi!""
it's a good question but do you really want me to answer that.
posted by clavdivs at 9:24 PM on October 8, 2021 [5 favorites]
„good“ isn’t a direct swap for „god“? I thought the point of the substitution was to avoid ‘Taking Lord’s Name In Vain’ - but if I got this right, it’s sui generis ?
*makes that gesture* wow. Interesting. I’ll have to rethink everything
posted by From Bklyn at 12:51 AM on October 9, 2021
*makes that gesture* wow. Interesting. I’ll have to rethink everything
posted by From Bklyn at 12:51 AM on October 9, 2021
Don’t take on like that, From Bklyn, I was only making a play on the old 'God is good, God is great' apothegm by implying that a self described heathen shouldn’t be thinking such a thing.
posted by jamjam at 1:17 AM on October 9, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by jamjam at 1:17 AM on October 9, 2021 [2 favorites]
I have been here through my marriage, 2 cross country moves, traumatic birth of my child, PPD, general childraising angst, lots of career angst, my divorce, and the fucking Trump administration. It's the one place on the internet I couldn't do without.
I have been helped in so many ways I could never list them all. I am 100% a better and smarter and kinder person thanks to this place.
posted by emjaybee at 10:09 AM on October 9, 2021 [14 favorites]
I have been helped in so many ways I could never list them all. I am 100% a better and smarter and kinder person thanks to this place.
posted by emjaybee at 10:09 AM on October 9, 2021 [14 favorites]
I’ve been giving this a lot of thought and it comes down to the fact that, because of Metafilter, I am friends with a whole lot of people I would not otherwise be friends with.
These are meaningful friendships that I cherish.
That’s it. There’s so much more but it all boils down to that.
posted by bondcliff at 7:38 PM on October 9, 2021 [6 favorites]
These are meaningful friendships that I cherish.
That’s it. There’s so much more but it all boils down to that.
posted by bondcliff at 7:38 PM on October 9, 2021 [6 favorites]
There are a bunch of things, but lately I've been musing about how I became comfortable socializing with strangers through going to Metafilter meetups. Then I became comfortable hosting my own events. I think I do a pretty good job of making people feel welcome, and they seem to think so, too. I'm not around here that much anymore, but I'm really grateful to Mefi for giving me a chance to build these skills!
posted by ferret branca at 9:53 PM on October 9, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by ferret branca at 9:53 PM on October 9, 2021 [8 favorites]
I was explaining orgasms, and how for men they can happen from rubbing your penis or from "penis-in-vagina" sex
I am late to this conversation but do you …. not believe in gay people, or? Like this is a crazy non-inclusive and heteronormative framing and I am disappointed to see it.
posted by kate blank at 6:08 AM on October 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
I am late to this conversation but do you …. not believe in gay people, or? Like this is a crazy non-inclusive and heteronormative framing and I am disappointed to see it.
posted by kate blank at 6:08 AM on October 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
MetaFilter: The Itchy & Scratchy Show 24/7
posted by y2karl at 9:19 AM on October 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by y2karl at 9:19 AM on October 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
If you were a mouse, would you rather find yourself trapped in a plastic box for several hours and then be driven several miles away and dropped off in a strange area, or would you rather have your neck unexpectedly snapped? My partner is calling me from the mouse trap aisle at Home Depot . . .
posted by HotToddy at 1:01 PM on October 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by HotToddy at 1:01 PM on October 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
Errr... I kept my mice out by stuffing steel wool around the kitchen pipes and followed by some spray foam. There is no end to mice and traps, only covering the entry points.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 1:11 PM on October 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 1:11 PM on October 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
HotToddy, I get mice in my car; even if I check the 'humane' mouse trap daily, they are in bad shape after a few stressful hours, and I suspect that they are easy prey when I drive 2 miles to release them in an area of scrub. If my nemesis lived nearby, I'd be more motivated, I guess, but I now use snap traps. Mice cause tremendous damage and I ran out of sympathy, a fast resolution seems best.
posted by theora55 at 4:19 PM on October 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 4:19 PM on October 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
I have two mouse deterrent devices. One is called Naga, the other Asami and they really like to be scritched under the chin.
posted by signal at 6:12 PM on October 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by signal at 6:12 PM on October 10, 2021 [2 favorites]
I have already stuffed steel wool everywhere that steel wool can be stuffed. I have no idea where they're getting in.
theora55, yeah, that's what I thought and why I've been using snap traps. He actually bought both kinds this time but it just seems like the live trap would be terrifying. The snap traps so far have been amazingly accurate.
posted by HotToddy at 9:25 PM on October 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
theora55, yeah, that's what I thought and why I've been using snap traps. He actually bought both kinds this time but it just seems like the live trap would be terrifying. The snap traps so far have been amazingly accurate.
posted by HotToddy at 9:25 PM on October 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
Buy the snap traps in bulk and deploy them unsparingly. Harvest the dead without compassion. The cost of peanut butter is low compared to the peace of rodent-free living.
posted by wenestvedt at 12:27 PM on October 11, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by wenestvedt at 12:27 PM on October 11, 2021 [1 favorite]
fisheye lens to Art Malik who's playing Claudius ascending the ranks of the praetorian barracks. Peter Gabriel's, Solsbury Hill. basically an MTV montage overlaped with the lyrics.
I would watch the hell out of this.
posted by TinyChicken at 12:35 PM on October 11, 2021 [2 favorites]
I would watch the hell out of this.
posted by TinyChicken at 12:35 PM on October 11, 2021 [2 favorites]
I asked a boring question about SIM cards and got all the information necessary to plan a really amazing 2,500 mile motorcycle tour!
posted by chappell, ambrose at 10:47 PM on October 15, 2021
posted by chappell, ambrose at 10:47 PM on October 15, 2021
You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments
Normally I am very relaxed and matter-of-fact about sex questions, but some combination of the word and the surprise factor made me panic, and I said, "IT'S A CITY IN EAST GERMANY!"
And he was like, "Oh, okay."
A couple days later, he comes back, atlas in hand, and says, "Mom, I looked all over ALL of Germany, not just the eastern half, and I can't find ANY cities named Orgasm. It's not in the index either!"
And like a DOPE I said, "That's what it was called before reunification, it's called something different now."
"What?"
"I have no idea -- what am I, the German reunification naming committee?" I demanded, doubling down in a panic.
Then he started looking for an older atlas.
Finally shamed by my other (mostly mefi) parent-friends about how this would result in a call from the school if he tried to google it, I broached the topic this afternoon. I was explaining orgasms, and how for men they can happen from rubbing your penis or from "penis-in-vagina" sex, and I had this extreme moment of clarity where I was like, "If I hadn't been reading all the amazing people of MetaFilter talking about sex (especially on Ask) for the past 12 years, I don't know if I would have even know the TERM 'PIV sex,' let alone been able to say it to my child totally nonchalantly."
My mom did a great job of talking to us about sex and bodies, but she was always embarrassed when she had to do so, and I didn't grow up among people who talked about sex and bodies publicly, like, ever. (My mom was soooooo far outside the norm in ACTUALLY TELLING US STUFF; a bunch of my friends just had no flippin' clue until they got sex ed in school.) Hanging out here has made me much more relaxed about those sorts of conversations -- and able to have them with my kids without freaking out.
I even told him, "I think I'm normally pretty chill about sex questions --" "Yeah, you are." "But some combination of the word and the surprise when you asked made me panic, and I gave a dumb answer because I freaked. I should have backtracked right away, I'm sorry." Anyway, he thought it was HILARIOUS that I got weird about a sex question and told him it was a city in East Germany.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 7:52 PM on October 3, 2021 [88 favorites]