It's like an ice breaker except it's hot af June 24, 2017 3:05 PM Subscribe

Metatalktail Hour: Never Have I Ever. What always fascinates me about the weird overlapping worlds of MeFites is how sometimes people seem almost like me and then they're like "Oh yeah I've never... been to Vermont/tried maple syrup/gone hiking alone/been anywhere West of the Missisippi/had chicken pox..." or whatever the thing is, and I'm always like "Really?" What is the thing you've never done that makes people go "Really?" or your little freak flag that makes you... you?

As always, topics are conversation starters so feel free to wander off and talk about whatever you like (except politics), and send any topic ideas to Eyebrows who will be on shift later. I'm filling in for some vacationing mods and happened to be here on Saturday. Hiya!

posted by jessamyn (temp) to MetaFilter-Related at 3:05 PM (376 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

I've never eaten seafood of any kind. (Unless seaweed counts as seafood?)
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 3:12 PM on June 24, 2017 [5 favorites]

I've never:
Seen E.T. or Jaws
Drunk coffee
Worn jeans
posted by pipeski at 3:15 PM on June 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

I didn't go to my high school prom. It's not out of spite or rebellion, but just never went. Apparently, it's a big deal in American culture and when I mention it, it nearly always gets a reaction from other folks. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by FJT at 3:23 PM on June 24, 2017 [9 favorites]

I've never been stung by a bee. I suppose it's possible that I'm deathly allergic to them and just don't know it!
posted by capricorn at 3:28 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

I've never learned to swim or ride a bicycle.
posted by Roger Pittman at 3:32 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never been convicted for murder. Convicted.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:40 PM on June 24, 2017 [39 favorites]

What started this for me was having a conversation with my friend who grew up in Toronto and has always lived in cities. I told her I hadn't been on a jet airplane before I was 12. This surprised her. On the other hand I grew up near a small airport, so I had flown on Cessna-tytpe planes since I was little. She had never been on one. I never took public transportation until I was a teenager and can still remember getting on a city bus with a friend which cost $.35 and being amazed that they wouldn't make change for you.

Also I learned that the Queen doesn't vote, has never voted, which also sparked my interest among famous people who had never done things. Like the 50 Cent grapefruit juice story (maybe apocryphal) or like how Barbara Walters can't drive.
posted by jessamyn (temp) at 3:46 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

When I was younger I was a bit of a chub. Not really fat, but plump, and not particularly athletic or graceful. No one really liked me and I didn't date. I was a reader and a nerd so it didn't really matter. Went through high school that way, and college. A lot of it kind of lonely. After college, I foolishly married someone who didn't love me back, and when that ended, I was so depressed I stopped eating for about a month. I just sat in my living room and drank and smoked and cried and slept for several weeks.

Eventually, that got boring, so I started going for walks, listened to books on tape, kind of rediscovered music. Those turned into hikes. Then twice-daily hikes. Soon those got too easy so I started to run. And then I started biking. And in a few years, I was one fit mother-fucker. I was at a point where was running five miles and riding 10 to 15 every day. I started running races and marathons. And I kind of looked beautiful. And I discovered this whole different world that the beautiful people live in. A world of forgiveness of other imperfections, and always receiving special treatment. More attention at work and more praise for things that wern't really praise-worthy. Those in authority default to giving you a break, people apologize for things they haven't done, everyone looks at you in a kind of learing yet envious way. And you get lots of propositions. You are totally seen as an object, but a very desired one.

So I tried that for a while, and it was pretty cool. Slept with a lot of different kinds of people, who mysteriously threw themselves at me but would have looked right through me ten years before, or now. Men, women, couples, everyone was cozying up. It was fucked up. I was constantly being propositioned. Then I got sick, and I had couldn't run or bike anymore. I'd try, still do walk quite a bit, but I never really recovered. Now I'm an older fatter guy, who no one is trying to bed.

But I have that knowledge. I know what that's like. To look at me now you'd never think, I bet he once was beautiful. I bet he turned a lot of heads. Now, I'm old and I'm plain and soft, and I don't get the special treatment anymore. I'm one craggy face among the aging masses. But I did once, for a few years, and it was creepy and unfair, but it was also pretty fucking awesome and I'm so glad that I got to, for one very brief period in my life, be really, really desirable. Even as superfluous, unfair, and unimportant as I've always known it is, it was fascinating and fun and very illuminating.
posted by Stanczyk at 4:05 PM on June 24, 2017 [125 favorites]

I am working on my Irish citizenship application. It is about 30 pages long and a giant pain in the arse but since I know the US one is probably both worse and overtly hostile, I'm not complaining. But I did get Eimear, the Magical Sorting Hat Woman, to come and give me a hand organising the paperwork and filling out the application.

Eimear: OK so next question: Have you ever been convicted of a crime?

Me: ...

Husband: This question should not be this hard to answer.

Me: I'M THINKING.

After a lot of thought, and a call to my mother, it turns out that never have I ever been convicted of a crime. This surprises nobody as much as me.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:06 PM on June 24, 2017 [8 favorites]

I've never been stoned. When I was young, the educational stakes were really high for me, so I had to behave. Then I had professional reasons not to smoke weed, plus I now have medical issues that make it a bad idea. So I never plan to do it, unless and until the stuff's legal federally and locally and regulated by the FDA so as to produce only certain effects, but if that ever happens I will be very old indeed.

I've also never parallel parked between two cars. I will drive to hell and walk back to avoid the situation.
posted by Countess Elena at 4:06 PM on June 24, 2017 [6 favorites]

I've never broken any bones, and I've never been under general anesthesia. I've had surgery in the sense of things like having my wisdom teeth removed (with novocain, because they were easy wisdom teeth) or having a mole removed, but nothing that required me to go under. I feel like I should knock wood now that I've typed this!
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 4:09 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have never been a 'driver'. I took driving lessons, got a 'learners licence' (only required a written test) and did some practice driving in prep for a road test but... well I didn't much like it, found highway driving off-putting in a way that seemed oddly auto-hypnotic (seriously, no pun intended) and just didn't pursue it any further.

Then in my late 20s I got a seizure disorder diagnosis and now I can't drive. Probably goes some way to explaining some of the weirdness in my teens (like the hypnosis-ish stuff).

I should note that, growing up, this would have been very strange. I rode a bike in the winter enough to know at what temperature potholes could rupture a tube. Where public transit was slower than walking when it was offered at all.
posted by mce at 4:14 PM on June 24, 2017 [4 favorites]

I've also never parallel parked between two cars. I will drive to hell and walk back to avoid the situation.

Parallel parking is one of my super powers. It's weird, because I don't have great motor skills or depth perception in general, and I don't think I'm a great driver. But I can parallel park like nobody's business. I lived in a city ad parked on the street for the first ten years that I owned a car, and I got really good at it out of sheer necessity.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 4:15 PM on June 24, 2017 [10 favorites]

Seeing as I live in Western Pennsylvania, mentioning that I've never shot a gun usually gets a response of disbelief around here.
posted by octothorpe at 4:22 PM on June 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

I've never been to a casino or a strip club. I've also never seen Caddyshack.
posted by 4ster at 4:24 PM on June 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

I have lived in Rhode Island all my life and I've never been to Block Island, Martha's Vineyard, or Nantucket.
posted by Ruki at 4:27 PM on June 24, 2017 [8 favorites]

I lost my cat this week! My older fellow, indoor only, one eye. He was missing for almost three days and we ransacked the house and we were searching the yard and neighborhood at all hours and he was NOWHERE. Missed three meals and he has NEVER missed a meal. It was even worse because we were about to leave town for family obligations so we couldn't even stick around in case he turned up. Having searched the ENTIRE house several times we were forced to assume he'd gotten out and been attacked or hit by a car or similar. We even went and looked at all the cats at the pound just in case his microchip hadn't read.

Half an hour before we were due to leave, I saw a little head looking at me from the top of the stairs and THERE HE WAS. We have NO IDEA where he'd been or why he skipped three meals and made no noise (he's noisy). I snagged him, called the vet, and luckily they had one spot left for weekend boarding so we raced him over to be checked out by the vet and stay under observation for the weekend while we went (several hours late) to our various family events.

The vet gave him sub-Q fluids, said he was a little dehydrated probably from not eating for three days but seemed otherwise fine. They're going to keep track of his intake and output this weekend but he seems a-okay!

So unhappy, and then so happy and relieved! No idea what adventure he was on. My mom's theory is that he ate something that made him sick and hid until he felt better, which seems as likely as anything, but we have NO IDEA where he hid.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 4:28 PM on June 24, 2017 [19 favorites]

I've never eaten seafood of any kind. (Unless seaweed counts as seafood?)
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 6:12 PM on June 24 [+] [!]

epony...what?
posted by Ruki at 4:28 PM on June 24, 2017 [24 favorites]

I've never eaten cottage cheese. I think I would like it, but I'm happy enough with yogurt and kefir.
posted by batter_my_heart at 4:28 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

I am an avid runner that has not participated in an organized race (or running event of any kind for that matter) in twenty years. Most of my runner friends always find it pretty surprising, but I have a good reason for it.

I am overly competitive and it takes all my enjoyment out of running. If I am not competing I can run at my own pace, miss a day, push hard when I feel like it, take it easy when I feel like it, it's great. When I have a race, I feel obligated to train in a certain way and it sucks all the fun out of it.

That being said, I just signed up for a 10k in September with a colleague. I am going to do my best to not get over invested in it and just have a good time. Wish me luck!

(Oh, and if you like running/cycling, join the MeFi Strava club. It is a no pressure, very friendly group)
posted by Literaryhero at 4:30 PM on June 24, 2017 [6 favorites]

I've never eaten cottage cheese. I think I would like it, but I'm happy enough with yogurt and kefir.

Never have I ever enjoyed cottage cheese near as much as yogurt and kefir.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:32 PM on June 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

I've never broken any bones either! Nor have I been high. I think, though, that people would not be surprised about these facts since I look like the squarest, most non-risk-taker there ever was.

I think the most surprising thing I've never done is been to the Caribbean. It's right there (I live on the East Coast of the US) and I am a Spanish teacher, and I've never been there. Never been to the Yucatan or Belize either. I've even spent a few months in Mexico and I didn't make it to the Gulf Coast at all, not even Veracruz. It's really weird because most people who have been to a Spanish-speaking country have been to Puerto Rico, or Cozumel, and when they learn I speak Spanish they are like, "Oh yeah, I went to a Spanish-speaking country once!!!!" to try to do some conversational-moving-forward, and then I have to admit I have never been to Cancún.

I don't particularly want to GO to these places, but it does stop a conversation right in its tracks, that one.
posted by chainsofreedom at 4:32 PM on June 24, 2017

I haven't driven a car without an instructor. Took two lessons and hated it; clutch, gears, indicate, check mirrors, etc etc, so much to do. Doubly odd as I have driven tractors, combine harvesters, a steam engine, a train, a Sinclair C5, Harley Davidson, several boats (one very far out to sea), and a crop spraying helicopter. Cars, though: not for me.

I've also never line danced, despite watching it several times, and been a morris dancer in a few places I've lived in England. It just seems that line dancing is crossing some kind of line.

Never drunk iced tea as the concept of it... no. My own urine: drunk three times, but iced tea - again, there is a line.
posted by Wordshore at 4:43 PM on June 24, 2017 [13 favorites]

I've never seen ET or Titanic.
I've never traveled outside the US.
I've never had a Facebook account.
I've never driven a stickshift or parallel parked.
I never changed majors in college.
I've never regretted never getting married.
I've never regretted quitting my job over 20 years ago and completely changing my life's direction. Not for a single second.
posted by bookmammal at 4:43 PM on June 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

This week I learned:

One of my coworkers is leaving for other opportunities/greener grass, which is good for him but stressful for the rest of us who are left. Extra work starts Monday.

My sister's epilepsy is the genetic kind, and has nothing to do with the brain surgery she had as a child.

My mother has a spot on her pancreas. It isn't growing, but still a spot.

Stovetop instant turkey dinner stuffing is really good next to scrambled eggs.

My cat, when given the option of sleeping on his bed, my bed or a nearby armchair, will instead choose the top of the clothes drying rack, arranging himself in such a way that he manages to get all the damp clothes covered in fur without falling through the slots. Cat magic.
posted by janepanic at 4:50 PM on June 24, 2017 [7 favorites]

Stovetop instant turkey dinner stuffing is really good next to scrambled eggs.

I like the cut of your jib.
posted by Literaryhero at 4:53 PM on June 24, 2017 [8 favorites]

I never got a DUI. Considering my love of spirits and line of work, this does surprise some people. I'm in my 40's now and refuse to drive if I've had more than one drink.
posted by vrakatar at 5:07 PM on June 24, 2017 [8 favorites]

Never learned how to swim
Never read any Harry Potter books or seen any of the movies
posted by AFABulous at 5:07 PM on June 24, 2017

I never went to kindergarten or had chicken pox, even when all the rest of the kids on the block including my own sibling did.
posted by Flannery Culp at 5:10 PM on June 24, 2017

Wow. These are fascinating!!! Up until I was 26, I had never ridden a bicycle and now, 20 years later, I can't again.

I've done a lot of other shit, you guys. This is hard.
posted by Sophie1 at 5:15 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never eaten lobster.
posted by Fizz at 5:19 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

AGH never swam never ate lobster never been high never even ate seafood at all YOU ARE FGREAKING ME OUT
posted by vrakatar at 5:22 PM on June 24, 2017 [10 favorites]

Never read any Harry Potter books or seen any of the movies

Is that odd? Umm... I haven't seen any of the movies people have listed as odd. I feel like I've seen a fair number of movies, just not those.
posted by bongo_x at 5:32 PM on June 24, 2017

I never went to summer camp (which I'm completely ok with. The way people describe it makes it sound like a circle of hell).
I never had my tonsils out.
I've done a whole lot of snorkeling but I've never scuba dived.
posted by jazzbaby at 5:34 PM on June 24, 2017

I'm a woman and I've never worn makeup. (Except I think maybe I let my sister put eyeshadow on me once when we were teenagers.)

I hate soda and have never drunk more than a sip of it at one time.
posted by Redstart at 5:46 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

This is the best game of "I never...."

Also, I've never played "I never..." in real life.

So add that to the list.
posted by Fizz at 5:52 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never had braces.
I never really did babysitting as a teen (no kids in my neighborhood).
I didn't drink until partway through my sophomore year of college.
Never cut class in high school.
I don't follow sports so I've never been to a pro football or basketball game. I also was never on an extracurricular sports team in school.
I don't know how to ski or snowboard, and I'm crap at ice skating (slightly weird as a Minnesotan resident)
I've never had to call 911, knock on wood.
I've never lived outside of my home state (traveled, yes).
I have never mowed a lawn.

...I swear I'm an interesting person.
posted by castlebravo at 5:56 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

Never have I ever downhill skied. I don't understand the appeal of hurtling down a mountain FASTER with LESS CONTROL.

I did cross-country ski one time, I liked it okay, I'd do it again.

I never ate an avocado until I was 31. Not even in guac. It was too green, it scared me. Then I was breastfeeding and desperately hungry and still recovering from my C-section so I couldn't really get up without help, and there was avocado on my salad that I'd put to the side but I was SO HUNGRY I looked at it for a minute and was like I don't even care how gross it is, I'm just that hungry. Not gross at all, as it turns out! Not gonna get on the avocado toast train, though.

Never had a coffee. Or a shrimp.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 5:59 PM on June 24, 2017 [5 favorites]

Never had braces (which is, like, obvious from my teeth). My generation was the transitional generation, I think, where you had to be fairly well-off to get them and even though we lived in a suburb and both my parents worked, we weren't rich and my teeth chewed just fine, so we didn't. Now it seems like everyone who is lower middle class and up gets them, and everyone has these straight white teeth, and it is really weird to me. Also, I have never whitened my teeth. I'm not weird, everyone else is weird. I am told that people from the UK don't really care about perfect teeth like Americans do, so maybe if you really get rid of the Tories and someone is looking for a middle-aged nerd partner I could marry in and move there? I'm a snappy dresser and know how to make both pavlova and bakewell tarts, also flies' graveyard.

I also have never skied. Again, I feel like this is generational and class-marked. (And probably regional, probably more people ski where it's easier to get to skiing.) When I was younger, skiing was for rich people, so I never went. Even now it seems weird that people talk about going skiing because I associate it with wealth.
posted by Frowner at 6:11 PM on June 24, 2017 [15 favorites]

We used to play this game with toothpicks -- players who had had the experience had to surrender a toothpick to the one who hadn't, and the one with the most toothpicks at the end won -- and I used to be guaranteed a full round of toothpicks by saying that I had never seen Gone with the Wind.

Then I saw Gone with the Wind. What a letdown! Plus I gave away my only good "I've never..."

It's not my "I've never....", but the last time I played, a man I know who's had every conceivable experience brought the house down by saying, "I've never worn a polo shirt."
posted by nohattip at 6:15 PM on June 24, 2017 [4 favorites]

Never sky dived but love downhill skiing. It is not about faster, eyebrows, it is about control, turns, and getting into a grove, using muscles you never use, the brisk cold. I could not live without it. On preview, I'm not wealthy, grew up middle class, but near a small ski area. I gave it a whirl through a town rec program in 4th grade and got hooked. It is like controlled flight.
posted by vrakatar at 6:15 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

I have skydived, though.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:19 PM on June 24, 2017 [7 favorites]

Never been in a demolition derby and really want to. Never run for local office and kind of want to. Did serve a glass of proseco to Lauren Bacall.
posted by vrakatar at 6:24 PM on June 24, 2017 [7 favorites]

I not only didn't go to prom, I didn't go to a single other dance or social event in high school.

I've owned three cars but I've never done a "test drive" or done more than the "sign to agree to pay the loan" portion of buying a car, and now I'm in my mid-30s and a bit nervous about looking at the prospect of a new car within the year.
posted by Sequence at 6:26 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never been in an airplane or on a date, and the only dance I've been to is a junior high sock hop.
posted by worldswalker at 6:29 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never been on a date on an airplane.
posted by vrakatar at 6:31 PM on June 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

I do not enjoy watching movies. Name a movie, there's a pretty good chance I've never seen it. Casablanca. Gone With the Wind. The Shining. The Silence of the Lambs. The Big Lebowski. Basically, if it wasn't made by Pixar after 2002 (when my son was born), I haven't seen it.
posted by Daily Alice at 6:31 PM on June 24, 2017 [4 favorites]

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's, I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox. I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus, In conics I can floor peculiarities parablous. I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies, I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes,
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.

Then I can write a washing bill in Balylonic cuneiform, and tell you every detail of Caractacus's uniform; In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
posted by jenkinsEar at 6:35 PM on June 24, 2017 [19 favorites]

I've never drunk an energy drink--by which I mean something in the genre of Red Bull, Monster, etc. I drink coffee like it's water, and oddly enough I have never felt the need to supplement my caffeine intake any further. (I'm also not really into sweet carbonated drinks, and coffee is already delicious, so why bother?)

I also made it to my early twenties without riding a bike or breaking a bone, but I ultimately did both of those things in college (remarkably, these are unrelated).
posted by egregious theorem at 6:36 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

I've never played a video game.
posted by Corvid at 6:39 PM on June 24, 2017

AFGH!
posted by vrakatar at 6:43 PM on June 24, 2017

I've never seen Forest Gump or, actually, a lot of movies. I've never been to Mexico but that's going to change in August! i've never been on a roller coaster, which is just fine with me. I've never visited any part of the Midwest; actually except for a year in Boulder and a couple brief visits to California I've only ever been up and down the east coast. I've never had an operation or been under general anesthesia. I've never (much to my sorrow) been abducted by aliens or even seen a UFO. And I've never been to an orgy.

But I have been naked in a pickup truck in West Virginia at midnight.
posted by mygothlaundry at 6:44 PM on June 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

I've never been to Yosemite. I would like to, so it's bucket-listed. I never had the measles, and I'm of an age where most people got measles.
posted by theora55 at 6:44 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have owned Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon on DVD since it originally came out and have still never gotten around to watching it.

I've also never seen The Matrix, which used to upset my philosophy students a lot.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 6:50 PM on June 24, 2017 [4 favorites]

I've never been in a graduation ceremony before. I've sat in the audience before, but I've never actually graduated from anything.

I've never been skiing or snowboarding.

I've never broken a bone.

I've never played Magic: The Gathering (someone actually said "really? never?" when I told them I'd never played it).
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 6:51 PM on June 24, 2017

I've never gone snowmobiling. It's the biggest winter pastime where I'm from, and even people who aren't that into it usually get a couple invites at some point, but I never did.

I thought I had way more of these, but as I was reviewing them I realized that most of them were things I've done once that stuck out in my mind because it's weird to have so little experience in them. I've never been out of the US, except I went to Quebec for an afternoon in fourth grade; I've never stayed in a hotel by myself, except I had a job interview in San Diego in 2010, I've never broken a bone except I was born with a broken clavicle, etc.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 6:54 PM on June 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

I've never eaten sea urchin or fugu, and never will.
posted by MovableBookLady at 6:59 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never been convicted for murder. Convicted.

Coincidentally, I've never served on a jury.
posted by sebastienbailard at 7:17 PM on June 24, 2017 [4 favorites]

Never been skiing, but Frowner just wrote most of my thing for me. I think the geography is a big part of that, like other places it would be really weird if you had never been to the beach. I think most the people I know have never been skiing, still. Going to where there's snow, on purpose, and getting in it all day? Exotic! Snow has rarely been a part of my life. In the last 40 something years I haven't spent more than a week total around snow, just of a couple of years when I was a little kid.

I have never broken a (major) bone, and God knows it wasn't from lack of trying.

This is a hard game. Usually it's the movies that puzzle people.

Does it seem like people from the East have less experience with the West than vice versa, or is that just my bias? Mostly I just hear "I went to L.A./Vegas once" if anything.
posted by bongo_x at 7:17 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've been to twentyish countries and have never been south of the equator.

I spent eight years in the military and never once fired a gun. I've fired guns on my own but never 'for' the military.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 7:29 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have never worked in an office, or a warehouse.
posted by vrakatar at 7:31 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

I have also never had a medical procedure more invasive than drawing blood, despite being a huge klutz as a kid. Never needed my wisdom teeth removed - in fact, my dentist once told me a couple of them were so far up in my skull it would require major surgery to get them out and it wasn't worth it.

There was one time I probably should have gone to the ER when I slipped on the ice walking home. I instinctively reached out to hold myself up, but fell anyway and dragged my hand down a rough brick wall and cut open my palm. It was literally across the street from my apartment, so I bled my way home and ran it under water for a while and then bandaged it up. It was very late at night, so I went to bed and decided if I woke up in the morning I would do something about it. It stopped bleeding overnight so I went to CVS and got some butterfly closures and that was that.

If anyone lives around Boston and wants to rectify their lack of flying experience, I am more than happy to oblige.
posted by backseatpilot at 7:35 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

I've also never been either downhill or cross-country skiing. I've never ridden a horse. Other than when I was just born, I've never had an overnight hospital stay.

Unrelated : I hate fireworks season, and so do my barky dogs.
posted by Fig at 7:37 PM on June 24, 2017

There are many movies I have never seen, but not seeing Jurassic Park really knocks people out. I just don't enjoy most movies, so I'm not going to spend the money or invest the time to see them. But holy cow, people freak out when you say you're not a movie person.

I've never been skiing, and like Frowner says, it's because when I was growing up, only the upper-middle-class/rich kids did it. Braces, too.

Never went to a party in college. Didn't see an R-rated movie until I was 17. Didn't drink until 21.

I never slept over a friend's house/went to a slumber party.

Misterussell says he's never seen a full episode of Seinfeld.
posted by kimberussell at 7:38 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never had a long term goal or made a plan more than a couple weeks in advance.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 7:39 PM on June 24, 2017 [6 favorites]

Never been called for jury duty, but would love the chance.

Never seen "Titanic."

Played very few video games ever (and no MMOs or FPS) despite growing up inthe 80s, and working in IT now.

Visited Berlin on 8/8/88, which everyone thought was the coolest date to write in my youth hostel booklet, while I was boggling at The Wall and the DDR's gun-toting border guards.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:41 PM on June 24, 2017

I've never seen The Sound of Music or It's a Wonderful Life. I've never been to Canada or Mexico (I live in the US). I've never played any RPGs. I've never owned a dog as an adult. I've never really understood what most adults my age consider a "clean house" and I'm constantly worried I'm either doing way too much work or not enough work and often wonder if everyone else secretly uses professional housecleaners and that that's some adulting that I'm missing.

Also a Great Blue Heron just landed right outside my window, but got spooked when I said, "Oooh!" and tried to get a better look.
posted by lazuli at 7:44 PM on June 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

I've never eaten beef, pork, or any other mammals.
posted by Margalo Epps at 7:45 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've hated eggs since I was a kid. All these years, I've avoided them. Never ate them, except for the occasional accidental bite from something with hidden surprise eggs.

This lifestyle is particularly limiting when you look at a breakfast menu. And when you don't eat breakfast eggs, it's easy to fall into the habit of breakfast carbs instead. Two weeks ago, I made a nice pancake breakfast (a weekend indulgence) and damned if it didn't nearly send me into a coma. And I got to thinking that I'm rapidly approaching 40 and this is how you get diabetes. So I've resolved to eat healthier breakfasts that feature eggs, because as much as I hate them, they are a wonderfood.

Can you teach yourself to un-hate a food? Apparently, yes. I've now had half a dozen egg breakfasts and it's going fine. I had a fried egg and ham avocado toast this morning and it was pretty good.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 7:46 PM on June 24, 2017 [15 favorites]

I have never taken a real class on a modern Indo-European language. It's why my Estonian is better than my Spanish or French.
posted by Excommunicated Cardinal at 7:47 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

"Unrelated : I hate fireworks season, and so do my barky dogs."

Ugh, me too. The Local Teens who would go set them off in the church parking lot finally went to college and stopped, but there are people on my block who accidentally set their house on fire TWICE with ill-advised (and illegal) backyard trash burning, and they have taken to holding gigantic fireworks shows in their backyard, which leads to half the neighborhood watching the roofs to make sure no cinders land on them because THESE PEOPLE HAVE LIT THEIR OWN HOUSE ON FIRE TWICE and are now exploding illegal fireworks drunk in a residential neighborhood while children jump on an un-fenced trampoline next to an illegally-built, not-to-code all-wood shed, both within 15 feet of the fireworks.

They're a tort law textbook case waiting to happen. "While illegally burning trash in the backyard of Greenacre, the Does set off their pile of illegally-imported fireworks, hitting a neighbor child jumping on an attractive nuisance trampoline without permission, lighting on fire a wooden shed without a permit, and spewing cinders on several neighbors' roofs, starting six minor fires that required fire department attention. Assuming all Doe adults were drunk, and two provided beer to minors, count up the total number of crimes and torts. Include Negligent Infliction of Emotional Distress for all neighborhood dogs."

They are The Worst.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 7:47 PM on June 24, 2017 [25 favorites]

I've never had a coffee, which is especially surprising because I worked in a coffee shop for a year and a half. I've never eaten a sunflower seed.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 7:48 PM on June 24, 2017

Huh, this is tough and I'm looking side-eyed at every single one of you freakazoids. I guess the one that pops up on FB occasionally is that I've never seen Game of Thrones, and in fact I've never seen any HBO series, period, and for about the past 10 years I've not watched any TV shows regularly except American Idol and the Daily Show. And I've never seen A Christmas Story.
posted by drlith at 7:55 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I hate A Christmas Story. I actually hate all of the "look how painfully awkward my family is/childhood was" shows and movies (I'm looking at you, "Wonder Years") mainly because I freaking HAD an awkward, shouty family and it wasn't funny or warm.
posted by kimberussell at 7:58 PM on June 24, 2017 [6 favorites]

I also have never seen Game of Thrones, and I'm a gaming/comics/D and D/Lovecraft kind of guy. Fans of the show are shocked when I tell them that.
posted by vrakatar at 7:59 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never had a cell phone, used Facebook, or Tweeted anything.
Metafilter is the only 'social media' thing I have ever joined or contributed to.
The only 'digital' thing I have is a desktop.
I don't have a watch.
I have never seen Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Downton Abbey, or any other series. (Does the original Roots count?) Also no Harry Potter (books and film).
I've also never fully completed a list of anything.
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 8:00 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

My wife and I joke that we are the only two people in Boulder, CO to have never smoked pot.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 8:07 PM on June 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

I never believed in God despite being baptized without my consent as an infant and going to 8 years of Catholic school.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 8:11 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

Huh, this is tough and I'm looking side-eyed at every single one of you freakazoids.

Right?

That reminds me though, despite having a house full of computers, and decades of tech gadgets, I've never carried a smart phone. I have some that I fuck around with, but I've never actually had one with an active account, not even for a minute, or used one as a phone.
posted by bongo_x at 8:14 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

Not only have I never skied, snowboarded etc, I've never seen falling snow. This is not that unusual though for someone born in Malaysia and who lives on the west coast of Australia. I'd like to rectify this but haven't yet been able to convince myself to give up 2 summers to do so. Haven't even done ice skating and have no desire to.

Never seen Game of Thrones, any Harry Potters, nor more than 10 minutes of Gone with the Wind or Citizen Kane.

Never had braces which surprises some people as my teeth are really straight except for one very slight overlap.

Never drank more than one mouthful of coffee and this only happens when someone accidentally gives me coffee and then it depends on the politeness of the company how hard I try not to spit it back out immediately.

I've never had my ears pierced and people tend to look at my ears before believing me about this (I am a lady person, this is really bizarre around here). I don't have any philosophical objections to piercings, I just have an extreme aversion to needles and other sharp things. The thought of an instrument designed to punch a permanent hole in my body just freaks me right out. I'd like for someone to do it while I'm already knocked out, like if I have an operation or something.
posted by pianissimo at 8:15 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never served on a jury.

I've never smoked tobacco.

I've never been pregnant, and if I understand my body's current quirks properly, it seems that I never will be.

I never kissed until the age of 19. (Not on purpose, I just went to high school with guys who wouldn't look at me twice and it just never happened.)

I've never been to Los Angeles.

I've never gotten a ticket for a moving violation. ....Up until about 2 months ago, I could have said that I never got a ticket for anything (but we will not discuss the "EC Misunderstood The Rules About Parking Near A Bus Stop" incident).

I've never been to Yellowstone.

I've never been to Alaska.

I've never been to Hawaii.

....I'll keep thinking.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:20 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

My own urine: drunk three times...
posted by Wordshore at 4:43 PM on June 24

I am endlessly fascinated by the details this man leaves out of a story.

Also, I've never seen Sex in the City and Christ Almighty do I hate It's a Wonderful Life. Ditto Love, Actually, but I doubt that's unusual with this crowd.
posted by she's not there at 8:20 PM on June 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

Never seen a full episode of any of the Star Trek shows. Despite being in my 20s throughout the 90s I've never seen even one second of The X-FIles, Ren and Stimpy, Mystery Science Theater whatever, Full House, Fresh Prince or pretty much any "big" 90s show other than The Simpsons and Seinfeld. I didn't watch much TV back then.

Never seen It's a Wonderful Life, any of the Aliens movies, any Batman movies other than the one with Adam West, none of the X-men or really any superhero movies at all. Never seen any of the Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter movies.

I've never been to the Caribbean or on a cruise ship.

I never went to college.

I've never fired, or even touched, a gun.

I've never been to a professional basketball, football, or hockey game.

Never done mushrooms or ecstasy. (pay close attention to the hallucinogenics not listed here)

I've never been to Plymouth Plantation, which seems to be something everyone does around here, and when I mentioned that in sixth grade the entire class, including the teacher, laughed at me. One kid asked if I was poor.

I've never read Catcher in the Rye.

I've never been fired or laid off from a job.

Never had jury duty. Got called once, sat in a room for half a day and was sent home.
posted by bondcliff at 8:23 PM on June 24, 2017 [5 favorites]

I've never been to New York City! I'm reasonably well-traveled within the US, but somehow NYC has never happened! Mr. McGee got me tickets to Hamilton in NYC as a Christmas gift in 2015 so I was going to get to do Hamilton AND NYC for the first time and it was all very exciting, and JUST HOURS outside the 72-hour Ticketmaster return window, we found out I was pregnant and would be way too pregnant to fly on the date my Hamilton ticket was for!

So I still have not been to NYC (or Hamilton), despite best efforts. But I did get a very cute baby out of my trip cancellation!
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 8:28 PM on June 24, 2017 [12 favorites]

I've never broken any bones
I've never gone a complete 12 month period without breaking a bone - started things off right before my first bday breaking my collarbone flinging myself out of my grandma's arms - even if it was just fingers or toes. Part of it is lifestyle, part a kind of fearless risk taking/exuberance, part clumsiness, and part of it must be some kind of bone weakness though I've been tested for all kinds of things. As I write this I have a spiral fracture on a big toe.

I've never been shorter than my brother, which drives him crazy. I've never had a sister. I've never not had a pet.

It would be impossible to fully list the things I've never learned, but right up there is I've never learned how to fold a fitted sheet.

I've never been sorry or regretted that I married my husband. I've never taken off my wedding ring.

I've never owned a television. I've never bought a brand new car or a brand new couch. Since my mom received books for me at her baby shower, I can say I've never not owned any books.

I've never had any kind of moving violation - not even a parking ticket. I've never been in a car accident as a driver.

I've never played basketball. Not even in school. I've never been to a water park or an amusement park.

Until last year or the year before (time blurs) I hadn't ever had to call or get any assistance to change a flat tire. Which was ruined when I had one about a week after a tire rotation, for which they had used an air gun to tighten the lug nuts, and despite even standing on the goddamn tire iron I could not get them to loosen up. I felt like I brought shame to my family.
posted by barchan at 8:29 PM on June 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

for which they had used an air gun to tighten the lug nuts, and despite even standing on the goddamn tire iron I could not get them to loosen up. I felt like I brought shame to my family.

My dad was constantly telling me to not let them use the air gun any time he found out I was going to be near a tire shop.
posted by bongo_x at 8:35 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

Also I've never been to outer space, or higher than 14,500 ft. under my own power (climbing or hiking). I have been below sea level though!
posted by barchan at 8:36 PM on June 24, 2017

Unusually for a child of divorced parents, I have no memory of my parents being a couple and have never had a desire for them to get back together.
posted by Margalo Epps at 8:43 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've lived in New Zealand for almost 12 years and I've never been to Australia (except through the airports on my way somewhere else). I get incredulous disbelief from ever kiwi I confess this to. This is the equivalent of living in the USA and never leaving your state. Which I also never did til I was 22 and went to Nevada and Arizona for the first time.

It's not really the same though, because you can leave most states in the USA without getting on an aeroplane, so even poorer people can manage it if they want to. I grew up in NZ until the age of 20 and I never went to Australia because my family wasn't the sort that went overseas for holidays. I never even went on a plane until I was about 16.

Funnily enough, the first time I ever stepped foot in Australia was when I moved here, after living five years in Europe. Which meant that when I was leaving Denmark to move to Australia, everyone kept asking if I was looking forward to "going home" and I keep confusing them a lot by pointing out that I was actually moving to a new country that I had never even visited before.
posted by lollusc at 8:52 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

I have never had a one night stand.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:55 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never drank alcohol that I can remember (apparently I was quite the alky as a toddler).

I've never done any recreational drugs or even been proscribed them (unlike my spouse who got to do coke as part of a treatment for a busted nose.)

I've never busted a bone or been in hospital overnight.

Flannery Culp: "I never went to kindergarten or had chicken pox, even when all the rest of the kids on the block including my own sibling did."

You can get it asymptotically. You might consider being tested for antibodies and if you don't have them get vaccinated; chicken pox as an adult is no fun at all and the antivaxxers have made it distressingly easy to be exposed.
posted by Mitheral at 8:59 PM on June 24, 2017 [4 favorites]

Here's a good one:

I've been playing trumpet for 21 years but I've never learned the notes.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 9:01 PM on June 24, 2017 [3 favorites]

I'm 99% sure I've never heard Radiohead, or Oneohtrixpointnever, or Haim, or Wilco.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 9:03 PM on June 24, 2017

I did get the chickenpox shot as soon as it was available for adults for just that reasoning, so hopefully am safe!
posted by Flannery Culp at 9:07 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

Until about 3 months ago I'd never had a cell phone. I've never had an entire cup of coffee or an entire can/bottle of beer (have tried and hated both). But that doesn't really seem to surprise people much, actually. For some reason the thing that seems to surprise people the most is that I haven't seen The Goonies.
posted by equalpants at 9:22 PM on June 24, 2017

I've never:
snow-skied.
had any strong speed or downers.
had a dog as an adult.
danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight.

I have:
visited every continent except Antarctica.
done my first equator crossing in the proper vehicle (a ship).
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:26 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

They are The Worst.

You should meet my neighbors with their five (yes, five) illegal outbuildings:
1: A shed
2: A weird enclosed party lean-to, I'm concerned this will collapse into my yard.
3: Some sunken into the ground enclosed bedroom thing built under their raised deck with power and heat
4: Another enclosed room built on top of their deck, also with power and heat, are decks stressed for that much stuff?
5: Another shed

These were all built at night, why cant he just get his insomnia treated? Or just look at stuff on the internet like a normal person.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 9:35 PM on June 24, 2017 [10 favorites]

Until yesterday (Saturday), I had never eaten durian ice cream. I told someone that I kinda like the smell of the gas odorant and...I like durian ice cream.

The durian flavored burps have been a bit of a bummer.
posted by bilabial at 9:41 PM on June 24, 2017 [6 favorites]

I've never had a driver's license (learned to drive, had a permit, let it lapse, never really pursued it).

I've never been outside of the US.

I smoked weed once (or twice, maybe?), but was already too drunk to appreciate it.
I've never smoked cigarettes. I lit one for somebody once, because they were driving and their window didn't go up all the way. And I smoked tobacco out of a hookah once and had a sore throat for a week.

I've never seen Friday the 13th, Spaceballs, Clueless, or Finding Nemo.

I've lived in Pittsburgh since 1993, but I've never been to a Pirates, Steelers, or Penguins game (I work at the Penguins arena, but that doesn't really count).

I haven't gone fishing or fired a gun since high school.

I've never eaten caviar.

I've never gone bowling (duckpins or ninepin or whatever it was as an eight-year-old doesn't count).

I have never flown in a helicopter.

I've never broken a bone, but I did bruise my ribs falling off a skateboard once.

Until last year, I had never stayed overnight in a hospital (kidney stone; they thought I might have needed my appendix out, but I didn't).

I never had a pet. However, I did take care of my roommates' cats for a while this spring, and now I have cat person tendencies.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 9:45 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

Oh, shit, yeah, I've never seen Goonies or Monster Squad, either.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 9:47 PM on June 24, 2017

Meth
posted by Joseph Gurl at 9:48 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

I've never seen Gone With the Wind, Apocalypse Now, Forrest Gump, Jurassic Park, The Silence of the Lambs, The Big Lebowski, or Titanic.

I'm from Wisconsin but have never been to the neighboring states Minnesota or Michigan. And I've never been north or south of the border (Canada or Mexico). Also never been to Los Angeles or Philadelphia.

I've never gone skiing, skydiving, or bungee jumping.

I've never had any trouble with the law, including traffic/parking tickets.

I've never served on a jury (although much of my job involves thinking and writing about juries).

I've never properly whistled or blown my nose.

I've never witnessed a birth or a death.
posted by John Cohen at 9:51 PM on June 24, 2017

This only matters up here in the great white north, but I've never played ice hockey. I've watched most of one game I think? Don't recall who was playing. I've only seen clips and read accounts of players talking about their abusive dads.

For all the other things that fit the criteria, I'm not sure how to phrase them without being tediously self-pitying and downright depressing, so in the interests of keeping the conversation afloat, I'll resist.
posted by Freelance Demiurge at 9:53 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never been to ... a strip club.

Ehh, you haven't missed much. I was dragged to one on my 18th birthday (which was the legal drinking age where I lived at that time), and I didn't see the appeal. I mean, I like naked women, but that had all the fun of having a steak waved in front of me when I'm starving.

I've also never seen Caddyshack.

You monster!!
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:59 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

I've never changed jobs. I started with my current employer when I was 18 and I'm still there now at 40.
posted by the duck by the oboe at 10:01 PM on June 24, 2017 [10 favorites]

Not only have I never driven a car, but neither has anyone else in my immediate family within my lifetime. (We are not Amish.)
posted by aws17576 at 10:02 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

Also, to my shame, I've never been to an ALA (American Library Association) annual conference. Lots of other ALA events yes, and presented at a few, but not the annual. There's currently tens of thousands of librarians at the annual in Chicago - #alaac17 - and I am deeply envious. Not allowed to mention politics here so just saying this envy was amplified on discovering who the conference closing speaker was.
posted by Wordshore at 10:16 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I don't partake in tobacco, coffee, any kind of alcohol or marijuana, but only the first I've never 'tried' because I suffered from such severe asthma as a child, my father had to quit smoking because I'd get attacks in his car after he'd smoked in it. As for the others, tried them once and didn't like them. I ended becoming the Designated Driver in my circle of friends. And as for pot, I walked into a smoky room where some acquaintances were passing around a joint and was pleasantly shocked that my asthma didn't kick in. So I sat down and took a couple 'tokes'. Again, amazingly not unpleasant. BUT within a couple minutes I found myself in a mental state of taking everything too seriously, just not having any fun. And why do it if my brain wasn't enjoying it?

There are a lot of blockbuster movies I've never seen, but in 1977, I was working for a "wacky radio guy" who liked to make running jokes about everyone at the station*, and I was also finishing my last semester in college in 1977 when "Star Wars (A New Hope)" first hit the theaters... everybody on the show was talking about it and I hadn't had time to see it and within two weeks I was officially "The Only Person Who HASN'T Seen Star Wars". Which meant I had to come up with dumb questions ("What's a wookie?" "Is Darth Vader related to Ralph Nader?") and didn't actually see the movie until I went to a new job, running a little automated radio station in Central California. It was still running at the oldest single-screen theater in the area, and the 'classic movie house' atmosphere made the show even better. But seriously, I still haven't seen "Titanic", "Jaws", "The Exorcist", "Avatar" or anything in the "Rocky" or "Jurassic" series.

*in fact, I got the job by cooperating with one of his running jokes... I was just a civilian calling his show frequently and he got into the practice of "putting me back on hold" before I'd finished talking, and I went along with it. Within a few weeks, the saga of "Wendell on Hold" spread (the Guinness Book of Records called to inquire how many consecutive hours I was waiting on the phone) and I got my first professional "in".
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:30 PM on June 24, 2017 [5 favorites]

These were all built at night, why cant he just get his insomnia treated?

Based on my old neighbors, my guess is that the answer is "meth."

I've never seen most of the mainstream/classic tv shows and movies that "everyone" has seen (e.g., I Love Lucy, Forrest Gump, etc) which makes me useless for entire categories in trivia.

I never graduated from high school but I made it through college and graduate school.

I've never worn a suit.
posted by Dip Flash at 10:58 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

I've never...

...broken a bone.
...had braces (which you'd know if you saw my bottom teeth).
...watched Home Alone, or It's A Wonderful Life.
...read Lord of the Flies.
...been in a courtroom for any reason (including school trip, etc.).
...NOT voted in a provincial or federal election since I turned the age of majority--I have voted in every provincial, and federal election I was eligible for, and most of the municipal ones, since turning the age of majority.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:07 PM on June 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

Have a super cute picture of a delighted elephant seeing a sea lion through glass! Also look at this adorable raccoon and her tiny hands!
posted by Excommunicated Cardinal at 11:11 PM on June 24, 2017 [10 favorites]

I don't know what all you people have against "It's A Wonderful Life". It's just a nice Socialist movie.
posted by bongo_x at 11:11 PM on June 24, 2017 [5 favorites]

I've never made a FPP.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:25 PM on June 24, 2017 [9 favorites]

I've never seen a dead body. I've only been to two funerals in my life, and both people were cremated.

I've never kissed a guy (I nearly did once, but I got scared off by having been told that you can't like girls if you like guys too).

I've never been in a fight. I've never punched somebody.

I've never worked a job with a salary or benefits. I've never gotten paid time off.

I've never dropped acid.

I don't think I've ever actually seen the sunrise. I've seen dawn break, but I don't think I've ever actually seen the sun come up over the horizon.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 11:42 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never made a FPP.
I went 15 years or so before my first one. Now I've made a handful.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 11:56 PM on June 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never broken a bone.

I'm woefully inept at current pop culture. Including: Harry Potter, Star Wars, Star Trek, Game of Thrones, OITNB, any music at all, Dr. Who, Sherlock Holmes, Downton Abbey, Kardashians and so on.

I never had my tonsils or my appendix out.

I never went to second grade.

I've never eaten veal.

I've never gotten a DUI.

I've never been to the Grand Canyon.

I've never owned a TV or a microwave.
posted by bendy at 12:02 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have never

had my wisdom teeth pulled out nor had braces. My fairly straight childhood teeth have long past crept to 'crooked.'
been stung by a bee, but i was bit by a spider when I was six and had to take penicillin for a month. The source of my arachnophobia.
seen a lot of 80's and 90's films that are cultural touch stones because I wasn't allowed to watch rated R flicks until I was 18. So unless I managed to see it at a friend's house, my husband is probably saying "You never saw that?!"
changed a tire. I know the theory and have had a flat before when I was 18ish or so, but a good samaratan stopped and insisted on changing it for me. I'm sure this will change at some point now that I'm driving again.

posted by romakimmy at 12:11 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

Oops forgot that I have eaten horse. The first time was a mistranslation on my part when I was first learning Italian; I switched 'horse' for 'rabbit'. Any other time since has been the coppette, a horse jerky made with a shitload of peperoncino.
posted by romakimmy at 12:16 AM on June 25, 2017

I have never made another person, and have taken surgical precautions to ensure that I never do.
posted by flabdablet at 1:53 AM on June 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

I have a heart murmur, and never have I ever done cocaine because of that one Sweet Valley High book. I had the opportunity plenty of times when I was younger, so it wasn't for lack of access. For real, Regina Morrow was the best anti-drug campaign of my generation.
posted by Ruki at 2:01 AM on June 25, 2017 [6 favorites]

I was in the 'never broken a bone' camp until two years ago when I exited in spectacular fashion. I was riding a bicycle from one campus to another, made a poor decision on route*, and lost control of the front tire, and smashed into the concrete. I was very proud of my Year 7 class, who were lining up for another class nearby: they came over and made sure I wasn't dead, handed me my hancherchief to stop the bleeding (the cut in my eyebrow needed six stitches and resulted in a beautiful black eye) helped untangle me from the bike, and even, I heard later, used their water bottles to clean my blood off the pavement! I was whisked into a colleague's car and taken to hospital, where it wasn't until they gave me a tetanus shot that I realised that my arm really hurt.

*similar to when a bike tire gets stuck in tram tracks, my tire got stuck.

I have never had a hangover. (This elicited 'no reallys' when I shared this at a hens dinner recently.)

I have never signed a lease.
posted by freethefeet at 2:49 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never lived in a "flat" apartment. I've lived in houses, townhouses, side-by-side duplexes and trailers but never a single-story apartment.
posted by octothorpe at 3:40 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

Well, I probably can't say never, but I frequently do not participate in these Metatalktail hour things correctly.
posted by Stanczyk at 4:49 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

Despite working as a music journalist for 20+ years I've yet to sit down and listen to a Bob Dylan album from start to finish.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 4:54 AM on June 25, 2017 [4 favorites]

I've never:
Driven a car
Had a job interview
Rented an apartment
posted by The Whelk at 5:11 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never fired a gun, even though I was a military brat, born and raised on Navy bases. (Have been voluntarily tear-gassed several times though --- yay! for on-base Family Days!)
I've never flown in a helicopter, which is ridiculous because one of my nephews is a helicopter pilot.
I've never eaten either fugu or haggis, and even though I'll try just about anything once I'm not sure I want to.
Never slept in any kind of trailer or RV.
Never been to any part of Europe, Asia or South America.
Never seen a live show on Broadway; never seen a live professional ballet or opera.
Never gambled in a casino.
Never been high. (Tried weed as a teen: it makes me sick as a dog, won't do that again.)
Never driven a pickup truck.
I, too, never went to prom.
posted by easily confused at 5:15 AM on June 25, 2017

I've never ridden a bicycle on the street. (I finally learned to ride a bicycle in a lot when I was 29. The same week, I learned to ride a skateboard, decided skateboarding was infinitely more fun and less scary, and never put my body on a bicycle again.)
I've never broken a bone.
I've never returned to the country I was born in.
I never had a scoliosis check in school (which I only found out was a thing when I was diagnosed with scoliosis in my late twenties and every single person I told was shocked that I wasn't diagnosed earlier.)
I've never owned a TV, though this is mostly irrelevant nowadays due to computers and the internet.
posted by dysh at 5:22 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never successfully applied for a job. It's all been recruiters finding me.
posted by Etrigan at 6:09 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never had pierced ears (although mostly this only surprises women of my generation).
posted by JanetLand at 6:19 AM on June 25, 2017

I've never seen Top Gun in English.

I've never had a black eye.
posted by emmling at 6:48 AM on June 25, 2017

On 3 occasions I had torso injuries that I *suspected* were broken ribs (including one that left a visible lump of bone after it healed up, which is no small feat considering I'm not a thin, ribby person). But under the logic that doctors can't really do anything for broken ribs anyhow (and being all single-parent "ain't nobody got time to go to urgent care"), I never actually had them checked out. Then on another occasion I broke so many ribs at once that not going to the ER was not an option, and when looking at the films, the doctor mentioned that in addition to the 3 fresh fractures, it looked like I had a 3 old healed fractures as well.
posted by drlith at 6:58 AM on June 25, 2017

Never tried any illicit/illegal drug, including marijuana. My second-eldest brother refuses to believe that.

Never broken a bone.

Never seen: Titanic, Schindler's List, American Idol (or any of those singing/dancing/talent shows), Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, Mad Men. Lots of other super popular TV shows have gone unwatched by me.

Never been called for jury duty and I'm pretty salty about it, actually.

I've never not been owned by at least one cat since I was 20.

Never successfully skied. Sprained my wrist using the tow rope on the learning hill during my first lesson and decided that was the universe telling me to stop with the nonsense.

Never had a tattoo.
posted by cooker girl at 7:22 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have never watched the Super Bowl. I mean I might have seen a glimpse of the event here or there, maybe highlights, but I've never sat down and seen the whole thing, even if it's on, I lose interest and start wandering around the house or bar and coming back every now and again to ask what's up. Yes, I'm that guy. I just don't have that much patience for sports. I'm not sure I've ever sat and watched a whole football game at any level, kid's, high school, college or pro, even though I've been to at least one of each. I will, however, listen to entire baseball games while I'm doing whatever it is that I do around the house...

The one thing I suppose surprises most people is that I don't swim. I go to the ocean on a regular basis, I love boats and paddling, but I hate swimming. It triggers my fear of heights not to have something under my feet.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 7:26 AM on June 25, 2017

I have gone to two major sports colleges but have never been to any of their respective games. Not even when I was working for their athletics program.
posted by tofu_crouton at 7:41 AM on June 25, 2017

I've never had a driver's license (and neither has Mr. gudrun), and never really operated anything with any kind of engine at all, not even a mower. I've never gone to any school dance, let alone prom ... have never danced, period (not even at my wedding), never had pierced ears, never worn makeup, and only got a professional haircut when I was well into my 40s. I love the ocean but can't/don't swim (though I've had 3 sets of lessons, and my father was a lifeguard).

On the other hand, I had crossed the Atlantic 5 times by ship by the time I was 6, I've held Sitting Bull's Winchester more than once, and I have gone to this beach in Mexico.
posted by gudrun at 7:44 AM on June 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

I've never been whisked away to a romantic weekend in Paris, darn it.
posted by Lyme Drop at 8:01 AM on June 25, 2017 [4 favorites]

A relative of mine, now in her 60s, rode her first escalator while in her thirties. Which is simultaneously entirely reasonable and astonishingly foreign for someone who grew up in the US and seems in most other respects "like me."

I'm afraid the only things I can claim that would actually surprise anyone involve not knowing rock bands and not having seen popular television shows and 80's teen romantic comedies. The discussion of which only ever makes people angry. (Even when they're the ones who brought up the topic and fought vigorously to undermine all attempts to redirect the conversation.)

I'm genuinely curious, though, about all the people who've never eaten specific foods. If there some religious or ethical world view that drives you? As an "I'll try any food once, or three times if there's a chance I stared with a bad example" kind of person, never having tried common foods seems like a really weird choice.
posted by eotvos at 8:01 AM on June 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

A few more:

I've never lived with someone who wasn't related to me. Grew up with my family, moved in with my dad for a couple of years, lived alone for a bit, then got married.

Until my current home I never lived in a place with more than one bathroom.

Never broken a bone. I did have some ribs fractured for me though.

I've never flown in a blimp, though I have flown in several small airplanes (occasionally alone), a glider, a hot air balloon, an open cockpit biplane, and a helicopter. I would like very much to fly in a blimp. If any of you are blimp owners or pilots, please hook me up.

Never had a one-night stand. Never "picked up" anyone in a bar or club.

Never went to prom or any school dances.

I've never had poison ivy, despite seemingly being surrounded by it constantly.

I don't think I've ever actually punched someone in anger. I got in a couple fights when I was a kid but they were more hair-grabbing events than anything. I have been punched a couple of times, including in the face repeatedly.

Never skydived or bungie jumped. I would like to skydive but I'm not sure I could actually jump. I'd do that before bungie jumping though. If I'm going to jump high enough to kill myself, it might as well be from 14,000 feet rather than 200 feet.

Never been arrested, though I did get taken into protective custody in Jaffrey, NH. It was a very long story and it wasn't my fault.

I've never had a serious fight with my wife. Disagreements, heated discussions, sure. No yelling, no screaming. Married 20 years this October.

I've never ridden a horse and have absolutely no desire to. I would gladly eat a horse, though.

I've never disabled my Metafilter account.
posted by bondcliff at 8:09 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never been to England, which KILLS this Anglophile.
posted by mynameisluka at 8:44 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never been whisked away to a romantic weekend in Paris, darn it.

I've never been to me.
posted by octobersurprise at 8:48 AM on June 25, 2017 [8 favorites]

I've never once had any sort of tobacco-based product, which is only surprising in that I'm the farthest thing from a straight-edge that you could imagine. That one in particular just grosses me out.
posted by empath at 9:08 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

"I'm genuinely curious, though, about all the people who've never eaten specific foods."

I don't know about other people but I have an absolutely hair-trigger gag reflex -- strep tests and dental x-rays are nightmares -- and I know there are certain textures of foods I know are very likely to trigger it, so I tend to avoid them. Now that I'm older I'm a little more willing to try things that are suspicious to me, but as a teenager and 20something avoiding was easier.

Other things I can tell from the smell I won't like them. Strong gross smells make my gag reflex more likely to trigger so there's no "Sure it smells bad but it'll taste fine!" for me.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 9:30 AM on June 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

I've never had a cavity or braces, and I do not have any wisdom teeth. As in they never grew.

I have never owned a credit card.

And I still haven't played Dark Souls.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 9:32 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have never seen any of the following:
Star Wars movies
Star Trek movies
Superheroes movies
The Simpsons, Friends, Seinfeld episodes
Orange Is the New Black, Dexter, Game of Thrones, etc.
posted by growabrain at 9:32 AM on June 25, 2017

I've never flown in anything that wasn't a commercial jet with at least two engines.
I've never been in a rowboat, sailboat, motorboat, or cruise ship. As an adult, the only water-going vessel I've been on is a ferry. As a gradeschooler I've also paddled a canoe once or twice.
I've never had ortolan.
posted by ardgedee at 9:37 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

This is part of what makes me me:
*I once accidentally hurt myself with a banana. As an adult.
*When I was 12 I walked into a patio door, thinking it was open, in front of my mom, grandparents, and a zillion other relatives.
*A couple of years ago I was talking to a repair guy who was fixing something in my apartment and turned away from him and walked into a wall.
*I was literally the worst student in my salsa dance class and dropped out because the gorgeous young male teacher kept saying, "So you really don't remember the steps?"

My therapist thought I should stop telling the banana story but I think it's funny. An ADHD coach once told me that it's not unusual for folks with ADHD to be clumsy. I am smart, funny, and kind. I am also clumsy. That's just the reality. So I take that into consideration by being extra careful when using knives and power tools.

(I haven't seen Game of Thrones, either. Nor have I ever attended a Stern Grove Concert in San Francisco. Not while I lived in the city and not while I lived in the area. So now I can't go ever because not going is the tradition.)
posted by Bella Donna at 10:04 AM on June 25, 2017 [5 favorites]

Never been arrested, though I did get taken into protective custody in Jaffrey, NH. It was a very long story and it wasn't my fault.

Ha! I have this same thing word for word except I don't know where in New Hampshire I was.

Camp, the thing I had in mind when I started this thread was that I never went to Summer Camp.

And I finally saw Gone With the Wind in 2015 but that was on the list for a while.
posted by jessamyn (temp) at 10:08 AM on June 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

I have never been through a break-up. That is, my wife is the only girlfriend I've ever had. We've been married for 33 years now, and I've never regretted having never dated other people. In all that time, I've never encountered another person about whom I've thought, "Hmm, I could see myself spending my life with that person instead of my wife."

The only downside is that both my sons have been through breakups, and I can sympathize, but I can't empathize. Fortunately, my wife can, and does, offer more than enough comfort to them.

Speaking of my wife, I've never forgotten her birthday. It's easy to remember because it's exactly six months from Christmas.
posted by ogooglebar at 10:16 AM on June 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

I've never broken any limbs. I never learned how to ride a bike either. The only two-wheeled vehicle I've ridden is a Segway.

I've never been arrested, although a cop busted up our makeout session when my future wife and I were on our first date.

I've never convicted anyone of murder or anything else, although I served as a the foreman on a federal jury once. The defendant had a good attorney who managed to get almost all the evidence we would have liked to examine suppressed.
posted by emelenjr at 10:18 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've lived in the US my whole life and have never eaten a hotdog or a hamburger.

Like apparently a lot of folks, I haven't seen some touchstone movies:

The Godfather (any)
Rocky (any)
Chinatown
Jaws
Predator

posted by postcommunism at 10:20 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never had poison ivy, despite seemingly being surrounded by it constantly.

You may not be allergic to it, not everyone is.
posted by bongo_x at 10:25 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

Can you teach yourself to un-hate a food?

About 20 years ago I decided it was time to un-hate seafood, and learned to love the fishiest sardines and anchovies.

Still working on shellfish, though. Disgusting sea-boogers.
posted by moonmilk at 10:25 AM on June 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

The interesting thing about this for me is what people assume is odd, I guess based on their environment. Reading these is about half "Really?" and half "why in the world would that be unusual?"
posted by bongo_x at 10:27 AM on June 25, 2017 [4 favorites]

Can you teach yourself to un-hate a food?

Ever since I was a tiny child I just couldn't eat bananas. I'd take a bite and chew it up, but my throat just wouldn't let me swallow. Something about the banana's cloying pappiness just made my oesophagus completely nope out. Had to spit them out, every single time.

Had no trouble with banana flavoured lollies, or banana cake or banana bread or even dried banana chips, so it wasn't the flavour alone; just the fresh banana's combination of flavour and mouth feel made my brainstem declare bananas to be Not Food, even when the family went on holiday to Far North Queensland and chocolate dipped bananas were on offer. "I don't like bananas" was one of the things I knew about myself for certain, and definitely one of the things that made me me.

Then one day in my mid-thirties, the lovely woman I am now married to fed me a banana, and it was wonderful, and I've had no problem with them ever since.
posted by flabdablet at 10:44 AM on June 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

Still working on shellfish, though. Disgusting sea-boogers.

With you there. I have a fundamental distrust of filter feeders.
posted by flabdablet at 10:46 AM on June 25, 2017

I've never had a tooth pulled, or had cavities or braces. My wisdom teeth are present but never surfaced and apparently fit in my jaws.
I've never been to the US.
I've never used Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram or any online dating site.
I've never been pregnant, nor have I wanted to be.
posted by Too-Ticky at 11:20 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have never had the flu.
Ever.

Never smoked (anything) except on the grill.

Never snow skied but was already water skiing when I was 7 y.o.

Never been on a date (my husband was a friend first.)

Never been to a hair place (salon?)

Never morris danced with wordshore although my ancestors were Morrises - Scots living in the NC mountains.

Never ballroom danced either, yet I went to dance classes for 13 years.

Never broken a bone until adulthood, and I didn't do it - the horse kicks did.

Never played a musical instrument. Cannot hold a tune but I sing to the cats; never in public. I just mouth the words so folks don't think I'm dissing them.

I've never been fully domesticated.
posted by mightshould at 11:27 AM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

Never been on a horse.
Never skied, neither water nor snow.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:40 AM on June 25, 2017

Last night I posted that I had never believed in god. Well, he got in touch with me overnight in a dream.

God and I were hanging out downtown. We were lying on the sidewalk on 6th St (the bar district) at night, in the way of foot traffic. We had to lie with out heads touching to communicate. He was an older looking man with a cloud of long gray curls, looking like a cross between Jerry Garcia and "the most interesting man in the world."

He told me when angels started rising up and out of the world that it was a bad sign and that was what was happening now. He explained to me the balance between good and evil; it was complex like quantum mechanics, and I could barely grasp the explanation as long as he kept talking. As soon as he stopped, all the intricate interconnections escaped my grasp; I just couldn't hold on to all the impenetrable complexities.

Then he remarked, "It's really mostly Jupiter's fault."
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:47 AM on June 25, 2017 [14 favorites]

I've never seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I've never seen it on tv or in the movies that is. The FPP about Theresa May and the Holy Grail made me realize that I know every line, every gag, every song and every scene. I've absorbed it through 25 years on the internet and through its cultural relevance. But I can't tell you what scene comes first or how it ends, it exists in my head, and works quite well, as a bunch of vaguely related sketch comedy acts, not a linear narrative.
posted by peeedro at 11:52 AM on June 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

Never been arrested, though I did get taken into protective custody in Jaffrey, NH. It was a very long story and it wasn't my fault.

Bondcliff, this sounds like the opening of Alice's Restaurant.

Can you tell us the incident in the form of a song with a catchy chorus that we can all sing along to?
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:52 AM on June 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

The FPP about Theresa May and the Holy Grail made me realize that I know every line, every gag, every song and every scene. I've absorbed it through 25 years on the internet and through its cultural relevance.

Tangential story I heard from the rehearsals for the original production of Spamalot - it was early days, and during a break, the director was chatting with Hank Azaria. At some point the director said "you know, I'm impressed - you already have all your lines memorized for the 'Knights Who Say Ni' bit. That's impressive."

Hank Azaria just stared at him a second and said, "It's Monty Python. I've had the lines for that bit memorized since I was twelve."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:57 AM on June 25, 2017 [19 favorites]

I've never flown in a helicopter but I have been in a running helicopter. How, you might ask. I worked on an aircraft carrier flight deck and was helping unload cargo.

I've also never taken an arrested landing on the carrier but I have been catapulted off once in a C2
posted by Confess, Fletch at 12:13 PM on June 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

Bondcliff, this sounds like the opening of Alice's Restaurant.

Can you tell us the incident in the form of a song with a catchy chorus that we can all sing along to?

Now it all started about 30 years ago when me and my friend Todd and my lesbian friend Meredith (on whom I had a crush) and her transgendered friend Michael were going to Mt. Monadnock to go camping even though unbeknownst to us there was nowhere to go camping on Mt. Monadnock and we were hoping to drop acid even through we couldn't find any acid but we went anyway and then my '81 Dodge Omni hit a bump in the road and died and we were stuck and a nice local man gave me a tow and told us we could maybe camp at the town beach so we did and after dark a bunch of local kids came down to the beach to party and the cops broke up the party like they did every week and took everyone into the station including us even though we weren't even part of that party and they asked me if I had any scars or tattoos and I said "no" and they never even frisked me and I had a harmonica and a knife in my pocket and I played the harmonica like I was some sort of stereotype from the old west in the cell which they didn't even lock because I guess we were no threat and eventually we told 'em our story and they drove us back to the beach and said "now it's actually against the law to camp on this beach and I'm not telling you you can camp there but you just behave and we won't come back" so we did and they didn't and the next day we managed to get my car towed and fixed thanks to Meredith's credit card and then we drove home and none of us ever told our parents because the whole situation was sort of fucked up.

You can camp any time you want, just not on Mt. Monadnock
You can camp any time you want, just not on Mt. Monadnock
Surprisingly few places to camp, way up North in the Shire of Hamp
You can camp any time you want, just not on Mt. Monadnock
posted by bondcliff at 12:25 PM on June 25, 2017 [56 favorites]

I've never had a driver's license. I've driven a car though. Hey, I was young and stupid.
posted by Splunge at 12:29 PM on June 25, 2017

I didn't date in high school, but I've been to a half dozen high school proms, and I have the photos as proof. (My wife is a high school teacher, and she has chaperoned almost every homecoming, winter formal and prom that her little school of ~100 students has, and I'm her date. It's generally a lot of fun, as we get to stay up late, chat with other teachers and dance. She handles the occasional disciplining of students, so I get all the fun and none of the responsibility.)

I'm allergic to bees. It sucks, only in that I should carry my epipen around. Before I found out that I was allergic, I used to scoop bees out of my grandparents' swimming pool, by hand.

I suck at riding bikes, because when I was learning to ride as a kid, I had a bike that had coaster brakes, which is not terribly intuitive for a kid heading downhill towards a palm tree. After that crash, I had a period where I refused to look at bicycles. I've tried to ride a bicycle a few times since, and I'm OK on the straight-aways, but turning is where I get in my head and I'm sure I'll fall over, so I do.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:29 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

Never learned to drive. Forgot how to ride a bike once even though that's not supposed to happen.

Never went to a mall til I was in high school (it was a great act of rebellion to go to Cinnabon on Staten Island with my best friend and not tell our parents). I don't own a TV, or watch TV or movies basically ever, but people keep hoping I will get their references.

I didn't know any boys for about the ages of 5 to 17 (thanks, single-sex education).
posted by ferret branca at 12:38 PM on June 25, 2017

You can camp any time you want, just not on Mt. Monadnock

What you can do is equip yourself with a trailer load of firewood, some tarps, a generator, a TV, a VHS video player, food, drink, medicinal herbs and a gang of fellow idiots, then drive to the top of Mt Donna Buang on a snowy afternoon in the middle of winter and occupy the picnic barbecue hut in order to attempt to binge-watch all of Twin Peaks seasons 1 and 2 before either falling asleep or being turfed out by a tour bus operator.
posted by flabdablet at 12:55 PM on June 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

that doesn't even rhyme
posted by bondcliff at 12:56 PM on June 25, 2017 [4 favorites]

...and has no catchy chorus!
posted by a humble nudibranch at 1:08 PM on June 25, 2017

I never challenged bondcliff to write a song with a catchy chorus before today. But, Friends, he not only wrote that song with a catchy chorus, he wrote it within a half an hour!
posted by a humble nudibranch at 1:15 PM on June 25, 2017 [5 favorites]

that song mostly wrote itself, tbh
posted by bondcliff at 1:21 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'm genuinely curious, though, about all the people who've never eaten specific foods. If there some religious or ethical world view that drives you?

I was raised as a vegetarian. Growing up my family are seafood, dairy, and eggs, but not mammals or poultry. I tried turkey once or twice at Thanksgivings and liked it but felt ethically unsure about eating it. Then I watched my parents have health problems with which they felt better eliminating some other foods and they decided to start eating meat again (especially now that you can get grass fed organic beef and whatnot). I thought it would be nice to be able to eat everything (and I wanted my daughter to be able to) and managed to add poultry to my diet but that's as far as I made it. It still occasionally squicks me out that chicken used to be walking around.

Mammals were harder-- they just never looked or smelled like food. My daughter loves bacon but the smell turns my stomach -- the smell is like eating soap. Hamburgers don't smell as bad, but they don't smell good either. I think it's comparable to most people's willingness to eat insects-- some people are game, but most just aren't able to put them into a mental "this is food" category.

I have eaten rattlesnake, so I guess reptiles are okay on my list too.
posted by Margalo Epps at 1:37 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have never eaten almond(s) or fish. As far as I know, I am not allergic to either. My general rule is that if it swam, I won't eat it. Also, I have never had licorice. Black or red. I have not had a strawberry in the last 45+ years, but I cannot say I have never had one as I might of as a young fella.

I have never worn shorts outside after dark. (I think because my grandfather, a formal man who wore a sport coat and tie to relax on the weekends once told me it was not proper or something like that.)

The thing I have done that surprises people is that despite my clean cut look, my conservative ways, I have been to 109 Grateful Dead concerts if you include last night Citifield and Tuesday night at SPAC Dead & Company shows. People who know me in real life are surprised I am Deadhead.

There are a whole bunch of things I did in HS that I never told my mother about (and never will) including spending the night as the guest of a small town North Carolina sheriff in an unlocked cell to "sleep it off". (Road trip to see the Dead, natch.)

Also, never seen any of the Star Wars or Harry Potter movies or read the books. On the other hand, in the last 40 years, I have never not watched It's a Wonderful Life at least once.
posted by AugustWest at 1:47 PM on June 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

It is known that there is a class of activities called Things You Will Never Tell Your Mother. I have done some.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 2:12 PM on June 25, 2017 [6 favorites]

Haven't we all.
posted by jonmc at 2:16 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

Someone MeMail Eyebrows Mcgee and suggest that for next weeks topic.
posted by bondcliff at 2:18 PM on June 25, 2017 [7 favorites]

Confess, Fletch: My wife and I joke that we are the only two people in Boulder, CO to have never smoked pot.

As someone who grew up in Colorado, spent 5 years as a Berkeley student, has been to Burning Man 4 times, and now has a favorite restaurant in Christiania (here in Copenhagen)-- yup, never smoked pot. It just never interested me as a drug.
posted by nat at 2:28 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have found that there is also a class of activities that your mother found out about but never confronted you with. Like the time you drank a half of a fifth of Jack Daniels puked and passed out on the front lawn. You thought you snuck in at 3:00am...not.
posted by AugustWest at 2:30 PM on June 25, 2017 [5 favorites]

The FPP about Theresa May and the Holy Grail made me realize that I know every line, every gag, every song and every scene. I've absorbed it through 25 years on the internet and through its cultural relevance.

True story: not long ago I saw a skinny, bespectacled, pony-tailed dude walking down the street wearing a Monty Python t-shirt and reading his phone. I really wanted to stop him and ask if he was reading Slashdot, Reddit, or Metafilter.
posted by octobersurprise at 2:34 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have never seen Monty Python's Flying Circus or any of the films.

Like a number of other people in this thread, I've not read any of the Harry Potter books.

I have only eaten pastrami once in my life (good). Ditto charoset (not good).
posted by thomas j wise at 2:35 PM on June 25, 2017

Like the time you drank a half of a fifth of Jack Daniels puked and passed out on the front lawn.

Oh my mom found out about that. She kicked me in fucking head and told me to get in the house.
posted by octobersurprise at 2:39 PM on June 25, 2017

I've never been to Mars.

I guess the "oh really" response has a different tone than the post seemed to suggest.

But SpaceX had Two! count'em Two launches this weekend. I may get there.
posted by sammyo at 2:39 PM on June 25, 2017

It is known that there is a class of activities called Things You Will Never Tell Your Mother. I have done some.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 2:12 PM on June 25 [1 favorite +] [!]

Haven't we all.
posted by jonmc at 2:16 PM on June 25 [+] [!]

Well, certainly not MY kids—I'm sure they've always told me everything.
posted by she's not there at 3:03 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never worn deodorant. Not once.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 3:06 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never had a driver's licence, owned a car, owned a house, finished college, been married, or had children.

I suppose one or two of those things in isolation might be all right but the combination is certainly suspect to a lot of people and is greeted with a great deal of consternation.

Except for the marriage thing, this is me, too. As an iconoclast university student (first time... I have been to some of the best schools, one after another) I decided I would see how long I could live without the twin badges of adult existence in the west: a driver's licence and a credit card. Turns out I mostly am an unperson, although I did eventually receive a credit card or two unbidden.

To return to the question: despite my Canadianness, I have never played ice hockey, skied, watched an entire NHL game, or made love in a canoe.

I have never had a hangover despite some prodigious alcohol intake in my misspent youth.

I have never bought a lottery ticket, bet on a horse race, or indeed gambled at all, though I did work in a casino for a while.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:07 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

or made love in a canoe

then YOU HAVEN'T LIVED
posted by Joseph Gurl at 3:09 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

In 9th grade in jr. high, I decided to go out for football even though I was so near-sighted I couldn't tell, by uncorrected vision alone, how many fingers I was holding up the end of my own arm without backlighting.

The team was hosted at the high school that my jr. high and several others fed into, and when I got there they categorically refused to let me play wearing my glasses -- and contacts were practically against my parent's religion -- but I decided to give it a shot anyway.

It was a strange experience in so many ways. I was a big kid, and on defense it turned out I could run through the offensive line almost like it wasn't there, but once I got into the backfield I generally could not tell who had the ball, and had to tackle whoever nearly at random, for example.

During actual games, laughter regularly erupted from the stands and both sidelines when I was on the field. The head coach often got almost beside himself with frustration, and would run over to me as I came off the field and grab me by the face mask, pulling my head down to his level and jerking on the face mask for emphasis as he explained exactly what I was supposed to look for and how to react to it when I saw it, and I would say things like 'yes Coach', 'I'll try, Coach', or 'I'll do my best Coach', but I never let on that I could hardly see anything out there, and that it was only the difference in uniforms that saved me from tackling a fellow player on defense the way I'd done a number of times in practice.

When I got to that high school the next year, one of the black kids from another jr. high I'd played with and liked happened to be in my honors geometry class, yet when I gave him a little salute of recognition as I got there late to the first class and took one of the only remaining desks near the front, he only frowned at me. But as I was putting books back in my bag after class and turned to go out the door, he was standing right there and said 'so it is you. What are you doing in this class? We all thought you were some kind of Natural!'
posted by jamjam at 3:13 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never worn deodorant. Not once.
posted by Joseph Gurl

I know.
posted by jonmc at 3:27 PM on June 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

I've never been to the West Coast, except the one time I caught a connecting flight to Japan at LAX. I've never been to a rodeo. Seems cruel. Don't really want to. My family briefly had a dog, but I have never as an adult owned one. On the other hand, I can count on both hands the months in my life when I have been without a cat. I have never taken mescaline, and I would very much like to. I'd never broken a bone until a few years ago, when I was in a car accident and broke my right forearm in three places. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Wait, I did have a skull fracture as a kid, which I'd forgotten about, because I had a skull fracture as a kid. I don't know how to snow ski or to snowboard. I'm a terrible water skier but enjoy it when I have the chance, which isn't often. I can't remember not knowing how to swim. I've never drunk goat's milk, and would quite like to try it. I have been to an orgy. It was awkward and underwhelming and all I could think about was how people weren't washing their hands before grazing at the snacks table. I never learned to identify trees. Or flowers. I've learned to identify common birds.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 4:19 PM on June 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

I have been chased by the police, but I've never been arrested. We were clean-cut and earnest and mostly white, so it was just an exciting adventure.

I have been accepted, offered scholarships, and enrolled at four universities but I've never graduated from one. I'm in the process of applying for a program now that means I may never get a bachelors at all, and for some reason that makes me a little bit sad.

I've worn a (different) wedding dress twice and processed on my father's arm and danced with a nice boy in a tuxedo, once with the presence and blessing of a bishop, but I've never gotten married.

I have been to most of the places my ancestors came from, but I've never been back to the town I was born in.
posted by notquitemaryann at 4:26 PM on June 25, 2017

Today didn't quite pan out as hoped for, but ended up okay in the end. Somewhat ill overnight so I missed both the Summer Solstice celebrations that the local Druids (here they are from a few years ago - these are my people) held on top of a hill about six miles away, and the village fete at the foot of it. Doubly annoying as I'd previously acquired some roses of the right colour for the celebrations (orange or yellow).

However, all was not lost as the local church holds a Taizé prayer service on the last Sunday of every month at dinner time, when I was feeling better. They don't mind, or ask, or judge, if you're a believer of any kind, not that my local vicar would mind anyway as she is definitely not that kind of vicar. And she has a teddy bear.

But, what happens at Taizé? Well, not very much at all. You never have to stand, or interact with anyone. There's optional chanting (the Italian guy who goes who I slightly know possibly enjoys it because of the Latin he gets to sing), and/or you can sit there and sip on a bottle of chilled water. There's a section where there's no singing, or scripture or anything for 5 to 10 minutes and you just, well, pray or think your own thing. It's calming but also a bit odd, as it's a group of people not making any sounds or looking at their phones, and you realise how rare this is.

And there's lots of candles and it looks very nice and is very relaxing. In short, it's pretty much the opposite of the "YOU WILL GO TO HELL, SINNER" Presbytarian funeral services I attended (endured) in a previous decade. And I brought along the roses to add a splash more colour.

From an online description:

"There is no preaching, no teaching, no talk of sin or repentance or forgiveness. There is just this elegantly simple service: short chants, often in Latin, repeated over and over in the dark. Plus some short Scripture readings or psalms. And silence, at least 8 or 10 minutes, sometimes more. In 45 minutes, it’s over."

(or, as someone else there put it, it's the church service for people with bad childhood memories of church services)

After that was done and a fun chat with some folks and a bit of picture taking, there was still a few hours of sunlight left. Mindful of this being the first night that sunset is slightly earlier, I had a pleasant walk and also spotted, and picked, my first wild blackberry of the year. Significant because ... ah that's for another time.

A scramble onto the heritage steam railway line to watch the sunset, a walk along the tracks, and a bit more scrambling and a near-tumble into the river (just avoided), a couple of more miles of walking during and after the sunset and back to base.

Never tire of sunsets and sunrises, people. Never tire.
posted by Wordshore at 4:52 PM on June 25, 2017 [5 favorites]

I keep trying to write something but then I remember and wonder who was I when I did that? So I was going to go with death but then I start wondering about how I instinctively knew how to do some things it takes people years to learn and wonder if I didn't live before. My sister was one of those ancient Egypt babbling toddlers and things she said checked out and she couldn't read and we didn't have a TV. We shared a room for a while and she'd wake me up to tell me about her dreams and we had this 1956 Encyclopedia Britannica and I'd read to her and she'd tell about things that were mentioned a couple pages later. She doesn't remember any of it now. Maybe there is nothing we've never done and we're just going to do it all over and over again.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 4:58 PM on June 25, 2017 [4 favorites]

I have never ditched my corporate job to fly to California and play pool and hike the mountains and go to Long Beach with at 6'4" tall guy with long hair, who was house sitting for some people and had a dog who liked to be sung to in the morning.

Because I would have really gotten in trouble with HR if I had done that. Oh wait, I did. :-P
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 5:18 PM on June 25, 2017 [4 favorites]

I have never eaten almond(s) or fish. As far as I know, I am not allergic to either. My general rule is that if it swam, I won't eat it.

Almonds don't sw— eh, some folks, if they don't know, you can't tell 'em
posted by aws17576 at 5:19 PM on June 25, 2017 [4 favorites]

I've never seen any of the Star Wars movies. I think this is why I'm single. Men hear that and instantly write me off as "not girlfriend material". Thus, I have never been married, nor engaged, nor lived with anyone common law, nor had a baby, and none of the men I've been involved with have ever genuinely loved me. I've never had pizza or any other kind of food delivered to my house in Toronto, nor to the condo I owned before that. I've never cooked a turkey. I've never had a Christmas tree of my own. I've never seen any reality shows. I've never had my driver's license. I've never been camping -- I grew up on a farm, and farm people don't camp. I've never been downhill skiing -- downhill skiing isn't such a big thing in Ontario because we don't have any mountains. I've never ridden a horse. This last item is the one on the list I would most like to change, actually.
posted by orange swan at 5:30 PM on June 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

1. I've never gone on a blind date.
2. I've never done any kind of hallucinogen (somewhat unusual in my peer group at a certain time).
3. I've never traveled outside the US, except to the Maritime Provinces in Canada, before you needed a passport, which evidently doesn't count.
4. I've never seen some of my favorite bands live, for various reasons, and now I never will, for various reasons. (I'm saddest about this one.)
5. I've never dated or slept with anyone of another gender or race. (It just never came up.)
6. I've never been in a bar fight (but came close once).
7. I've never been arrested.
8. I've never eaten anything really icky, like octopus or bugs. (Except that shrimp and lobster are basically bugs if you think about it, so I don't think about it. Much.)
9. I've never dived off a diving board (or anything else).
10. I've never been to me.
posted by scratch at 6:00 PM on June 25, 2017

Before I moved to Florida I lived in NYC the majority of my life. I never went to the Statue of Liberty.
posted by Splunge at 6:11 PM on June 25, 2017

I've never been married. Never been proposed to even. Only lived with someone once.

:-(
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:24 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

Mindful of this being the first night that sunset is slightly earlier, I had a pleasant walk and also spotted, and picked, my first wild blackberry of the year. Significant because ... ah that's for another time.

I went for a hike this morning and I also spotted, and picked, my first wild blackberry of the year, so yours was obviously significant due to our psychic across-the-ocean-and-continent berry connection. As, of course, was mine.
posted by lazuli at 6:29 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I used to have long hair. I used to be in a sorority. Despite living in San Francisco for 17ish years, I've never walked across the Golden Gate Bridge or been to Alcatraz.
posted by rtha at 6:51 PM on June 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

On Food: I've never had truck stop deep fried pock chop on a stick. Had the chance once when I was storm chasing but at the time I wasn't nearly as food adventurous as I am now and I kind of regret not taking the chance when I had it.
posted by Mitheral at 6:53 PM on June 25, 2017

"Someone MeMail Eyebrows Mcgee and suggest that for next weeks topic."

LET IT BE ADDED TO THE LIST OF TOPICS.

Until this week I could say never have I ever been knocked over by a school bus safety arm, but now that's all over.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 7:05 PM on June 25, 2017 [9 favorites]

Oh gosh. I have lived in NYC, and my grandparents came through Ellis Island, and I am trained as an immigration historian, and I have never been to Ellis Island. This is a source of deep and abiding shame. But every time I'm in New York, there's some other, better thing to do, so I don't do it.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 7:06 PM on June 25, 2017

Speaking of my wife, I've never forgotten her birthday. It's easy to remember because it's exactly six months from Christmas.

Which is today. And it's also my birthday.

Never had to work in food, e.g. waitressing.

Never used tampons, except once or twice swimming.

Never done yoga.

Never lived with anyone romantically.

Never owned a pet as an adult.

Never learned how to play chess.
posted by Melismata at 7:13 PM on June 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

Happy Birthday Melisnata!
posted by AugustWest at 7:24 PM on June 25, 2017 [5 favorites]

I've never had the buttsecks

I know this one may not seem so strange or shocking, but considering the life I have lead and my general social milieu it tends to surprise people and I am bashful to admit it to even close friends.
posted by supermedusa at 7:29 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

Which is today. And it's also my birthday.

Mine too, cheers Melismata!
posted by peeedro at 7:40 PM on June 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

Speaking of my wife, I've never forgotten her birthday. It's easy to remember because it's exactly six months from Christmas.

You remember it because you're a good partner. I bet you'd remember it even if it wasn't six months from Christmas. I never needed any mnemonic devices to remember the birthday of anyone I was involved with. My birthday, August 14th, is six months from Valentine's Day, which I always thought should make it easy to remember, but no one I was involved with ever bothered to remember it. The guy I was involved with off and on for 12 years still didn't know what day it was at the end of that time, and only once made any effort to celebrate it (here's what that one-time effort was: he came to my apartment a few days after my birthday, ate a meal I'd cooked, and gave me an unwrapped fancy journal). His rationale was that "people forget things and it isn't nice to hold grudges".
posted by orange swan at 7:42 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

For many years, the only historically significant thing that happened on my birthday was that North Korea invaded South Korea in 1950. Then Michael Jackson died, and it was suddenly a lot easier for people to remember.
posted by Melismata at 7:47 PM on June 25, 2017

Ugh, that dude. Why do some people think they're too good to know birthdays? I forget them but at least I feel bad about it. I've never been able to keep my dad's birthday straight because it's almost always on Father's Day. I'm embarrassed that I have to check with my mom every year. Luckily he's easygoing and doesn't mind as long as there's two presents.
posted by Countess Elena at 7:49 PM on June 25, 2017

Jeez, orange swan, you've certainly known many sub-optimal men.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:20 PM on June 25, 2017

I am not a big care about my birthday kind of guy, but if you know me, it is easy to remember since it is April Fool's Day.
posted by AugustWest at 8:25 PM on June 25, 2017

My Siamese disappears to a pocket dimension when he wants to be alone. I have never found where he goes, despite searching the entire house.
posted by fiercekitten at 8:34 PM on June 25, 2017 [5 favorites]

My best friend's daughter shares her birthday with me, which fills all three of us with glee. (My friend also had an awesome comment when I called her after the birth - " I am NOT doing that for you again.")

And with another couple I know, her birthday comes two days before mine. But he spent three straight years getting confused about that, and remembered it as my birthday being two days before HERS. So there were like three years in a row where he'd call me like the week before my birthday and wish me happy birthday and I'd be all, "uh....thanks for getting it in early."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:21 PM on June 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

I'm another 'never had poison ivy' person, and I full well should have, given that I grew up in the New England woods and then worked on archaeological digs where everyone else got it, so I must be non-allergic to it. Not pushing my luck now that I'm older, though.
posted by cobaltnine at 9:24 PM on June 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

My birthday is Veteran's Day and I married a veteran, so that was easy.
posted by AFABulous at 9:24 PM on June 25, 2017

Eyebrows McGee: Until this week I could say never have I ever been knocked over by a school bus safety arm, but now that's all over.

Whoa whoa whoa, let's back up a minute. I have to know more. What is a 'school bus safety arm'? The stop sign thing that swings out? How did this happen?? Are you okay?
posted by Excommunicated Cardinal at 9:38 PM on June 25, 2017

"What is a 'school bus safety arm'? The stop sign thing that swings out?"

It's a yellow stick that swings out in FRONT of the bus, in tandem with the stop sign, which prevents children from crossing closer than 6 feet in front of the bus (where kids would get run over because the bus driver couldn't see them and cars attempting to pass the bus couldn't see them).

I was walking my oldest to camp, with my youngest in her stroller, and there's one really narrow spot where you have to walk past the bus drop-off and there's not a great way to do it (it's rather makeshift and not up to standards), and I thought we were far enough away from the bus at the front of the line -- we were as far away from the bus as we could get, anyway -- but when the bus opened its door and activated the stop sign and safety arm, the safety arm swept into me and knocked my legs out from under me, as I frantically pushed the stroller onto the clear sidewalk ahead of me. I stumbled into a ditch trying to regain my footing, stumbled more because I'd fallen into a ditch, and fell out of the ditch into a tree. My kids thought this was the funniest fucking thing they'd ever seen, and the approximately fifty staff there to receive kids off the bus and from the walkers/car riders were torn between concern and hysterical laughter.

I am fairly well bruised on the side that fell into the tree. My kids are all fine. My middle child told me I should post it to YouTube "to get points." I was like, well, first, someone would have had to be recording it and, second, NO. And he was like, "Well then you should put it on MetaFilter and get points so you can level up, like on my game!" I told him there aren't really points or levels on MetaFilter and he was absolutely horrified: "But then what is it FOR???" I said it was for talking to people about interesting things, and he was very upset I was spending so much time on a website that ISN'T EVEN A VIDEO GAME. So apparently all this time my five-year-old has thought I play video games for a living, and also that YouTube is a video game. (Which I guess is a slight improvement on when he was four and he thought I worked for Amazon, because the only two websites he knew were Netflix and Amazon, and Netflix was for watching cartoons, so obviously I worked for Amazon, which was for everything else.)

Anyway, school bus safety arms: stronger than expected, can take out adult humans, do not cross close to EVEN AN INNOCUOUS BUS, even if the crossing zone claims you ought to!
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 10:09 PM on June 25, 2017 [33 favorites]

MetaFilter: what is it FOR???
posted by Wordshore at 10:37 PM on June 25, 2017 [16 favorites]

I have this weird sort of mental block where I develop an automatic distaste for things that become too popular, especially if they become popular quickly. As a result, there is a handful of movies made in my lifetime that I haven't seen and have no real desire to. Jurassic Park, Independence Day, and especially Titanic spring to mind.

The whole Harry Potter thing passed me by, too. Tried reading a few pages of the first book because I love fantasy in general, but it just didn't do enough for me to stick with it.

The thing that even I admit is super weird is that I haven't been able to bring myself to watch the final episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, because there is a tiny piece of me deep inside that doesn't want to admit that the show ever ended.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:39 PM on June 25, 2017 [2 favorites]

Metafilter: level up
posted by flabdablet at 12:44 AM on June 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

I've never kissed or slept with a woman.
I've never broken a bone.
I've never eaten duck (although my boys still think that I have because of a misunderstanding at a sushi train).
I've never been married.
I've never lived for longer than a year outside of the town I was born in.
I've never seen any of the Bourne movies.
I've never seen a second of Firefly (I don't know why, I think I'd love it).
I've never been arrested.
I've never graduated.
I've never been to Melbourne, Perth, Adelaide, Hobart or Darwin.
I've never lived in a house that's been completely free of cobwebs.
I've never changedthe channel if the movie Brazil is playing.
posted by h00py at 12:49 AM on June 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

Also, I've never bought a new lounge suite.
And I've never been to the ballet.
posted by h00py at 1:07 AM on June 26, 2017

How do you know what you've never done? I'm stumped. I'm sure I haven't done many things, but I'm not sure what would be weird!
posted by corb at 1:17 AM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

I once turned down the opportunity to do this thing that would promise me serious, serious, almost untarnishable, un-bestable bragging rights. But it didn't feel right, so
I've drunk pretty damn deep from the things you can do, intentionally, and found that lots of the stuff that people talk about in awed tones is not that life shaking - or at least wasn't for me. Still as a list of things I wish I had done,

I never bungie-jumped off the Williamsburg Bridge (over the east river, NYC)
I never made my way to Berlin to watch the Wall come down
I never got on the SiliconeValley money train in the early 90's (or ever)
I never went to Mysore to study with Pattahbi-Jois

But I asked her to marry me and hoo-baby, has that ever turned into a hell of a thing. So for all the things I never did, eh it's all good. There's an element of social group insider/outsider to these lists and at this point I don't fucking fit in anywhere. I'm a foreigner here and I was a foreigner in the US - I'm always on the wrong-foot when it comes to these things everyone did as kids or growing up. (like what the fuck are 'smores?') So yeah, I never 'American'd' though I tried like hell for way way too long.
posted by From Bklyn at 3:35 AM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

Mine are neither weird nor American. Come, bask in my blandness!
posted by h00py at 4:42 AM on June 26, 2017

I have never eaten brains.

I am hoping to change that status by the end of the week. /notjoking
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 5:50 AM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

I haven't performed the Goldberg Variations in concert.
posted by Namlit at 5:56 AM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

DarlingBri, of course you haven't been convisted of a crime, unless not calling your mother is a crime.

janepanic, hugs.

AugustWest, better to sleep it off than drive, and stop taking my damn Jack Daniels. Johnny Wallflower, Jonmc, behave. Things You Will Never Tell Your Mother? Srsly? I knew enough to lose a great deal of sleep. Be safe.
posted by Mom at 6:18 AM on June 26, 2017 [6 favorites]

the SiliconeValley money train

Is that a porn thing?
posted by flabdablet at 6:51 AM on June 26, 2017

My oldest child heads off to college in a few weeks, and memories of my own college experience have been popping up, unbidden, a lot lately.

One of the things I remembered -- which feels a LOT like this discussion -- is the "purity tests" that floated around campus. They were photocopied in those pre-Internet times, and when I got online I found versions running well past the 100-item list we had been using. The way that some people changed the way they treated others when scores were shared was...instructive.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:58 AM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never seen an episode of Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, The Wire, or {insert name of any TV show frequently referenced on MetaFilter here}. It's a good bet that I haven't seen that movie y'all are talking about either. I wish I was able to watch stuff like that, but whatever it is that people find enjoyable about it eludes me, so I stick with CGDCT and moe anime.

I've never smoked... anything.

I didn't go to my high school graduation, my culinary school graduation (associate degree) or my college graduation. I've never been to any type of reunion for any of those either. Never went to any type of prom or school dance.

Despite having a life-long love of sci-fi and fantasy, I've never played any type of role-playing game (MtG, D&D, etc.) or done any type of cosplay. I also don't get the appeal of superheroes.
posted by ralan at 7:07 AM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never seen snow. Or Jurassic Park.
posted by PearlRose at 7:34 AM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

OK, I've thought of a couple.

I've never skied.
I've never done heroin.
I've never shoveled snow.
I've never served on a jury.
I've never been below the equator.
I've never seen even a moment of Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones.

There.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:53 AM on June 26, 2017

Unless you count K-12 Phys. Ed. class, I have never attended a live sporting event.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:03 AM on June 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

I suppose more hype isn't what is called for here but The Underpants Monster needs to see All Good Things.
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 8:56 AM on June 26, 2017

Never been pregnant, never shaved my legs or armpits.
posted by Jesse the K at 9:31 AM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

MetaFilter: stronger than expected, can take out adult humans
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:39 AM on June 26, 2017 [5 favorites]

I made it to about 40 years old without ever being stung by a bee. And I wasn't going out of my way to be nice to them or anything. If one showed up I would bat it away casually. I even had a four-foot high beehive in the wall of my house once, and bees poured out of the heater vent for a good twenty minutes, confusing themselves and me. I just vacuumed them up and no-one got stung.

All of this came to an end one day when I was out running. Some little jerk stung me on the ear without any provocation at all, ending my no-sting streak.

Bees, man.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:23 AM on June 26, 2017 [4 favorites]

fergit Titanic and all those others but FFS!!! don't deny yourselves the deep and abiding pleasure that is Jurassic Park. IT HAS DINOSAURS!!!!
posted by supermedusa at 11:22 AM on June 26, 2017 [3 favorites]

Another one: I have never been between 35 E and 126 E longitude.

This is unusual, simply because most of the world's population lives there.

This weekend I will get to 35deg30' E, but that's not very much further.
posted by nat at 12:47 PM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

don't deny yourselves the deep and abiding pleasure that is Jurassic Park. IT HAS DINOSAURS!!!!

Even more than the dinosaurs, it has "It's a Unix system! I know this!"
posted by asperity at 1:02 PM on June 26, 2017 [6 favorites]

I rewatched Jurassic Park last year for the first time since the early nineties and I was pretty disappointed. The effects still hold up but the acting is pretty terrible, the plot is dumb and it's mostly kind of boring except for the T-Rex attack and the scene in the kitchen.
posted by octothorpe at 1:24 PM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

octothorpe - I'm going to guess you were pretty young when you first saw it. I don't think it's changed.
posted by bongo_x at 1:54 PM on June 26, 2017

I've never had food poisoning. I've never been to a professional sporting event. I've never performed Brahms' Requiem. (I have, however, performed several other Requiems, most recently Ligeti's, which I will chatter on about at length to anyone who has the fortitude required to listen.)
posted by KathrynT at 1:58 PM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

bongo_x: "octothorpe - I'm going to guess you were pretty young when you first saw it. I don't think it's changed."

Well, 29 seems pretty young to me now but I think it was more the novelty of the CGI that excited me back in '93 more than my youth.
posted by octothorpe at 2:29 PM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'm going to guess you were pretty young when you first saw it. I don't think it's changed.

I wish I could say the Suck Fairy had never visited anything I remembered enjoying, but...
posted by asperity at 2:30 PM on June 26, 2017

I've never eaten a taco.
posted by HandfulOfDust at 2:52 PM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

For those who haven't been to a professional sporting event;

For me they are almost always a lot of fun, even if you aren't a fan or have no idea what's going on. I was always told this by hockey fans (but still haven't been to a hockey game). I took the lesson though.

I went to my first soccer match before I even understood the game and it was a blast. It appeared to be nothing but guys running up and down a field, but the crowd was amazing.

I went to a Lakers "end of season are we going to make the playoffs game?" and it was one of the most exciting things I've ever witnessed. I don't like basketball at all. But it is a very different experience in person, like a different game. Those are big people.

I went to a NASCAR race and it was really interesting and fun, again, nothing like it is on TV. I loathe NASCAR and didn't really follow the races at all. Watching the cars mosey around on TV vs being down by the track and barely being able to see the cars because they are going so fast was stunning. Bring heavy duty ear protection. It hurt my ears with earplugs.

The thing that is the most different from TV is professional wrestling. That I can't say is better, but is really an experience because of how raw it is in person (intentional pun). And quiet. Without the announcers and graphics and all that it's a couple of guys throwing each other around so hard you can hear it over an arena full of people.

Baseball I enjoy and go fairly regularly. It is a relaxing time, different than the others. It's like going to a classical concert in the park.

I'll probably never go to a football game. I have my limits. (It's entirely possible I have and have blocked it.)
posted by bongo_x at 2:58 PM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

With some thought, it occurred to me that I have somehow managed to get married and maintain a stable, affectionate nearly-six-year relationship without a) ever having been on a date of any sort or b) actually figured out whether or not I have romantic interest in any given person.

(Actually, I have been asked out on a date precisely once in my entire life, and in my panic I wound up claiming that not only did I not drink coffee (true) or tea (not true) but that I drank nothing ever of any kind I am so sorry no liquid passes through my lips--at which point I turned and fled the scene. Poor kid was nearly as awkward as I was, and he really didn't deserve that.)
posted by sciatrix at 3:45 PM on June 26, 2017 [5 favorites]

I've never eaten a taco.

Because you don't eat food, and have been on a liquid diet since birth, living outside of a base in Antarctica? Totally understandable. Let's have a little sympathy guys, I know you're just too shocked to respond, given the dark turn this post took the thread.
posted by bongo_x at 4:21 PM on June 26, 2017 [12 favorites]

I've never been to the United States. I don't think it's likely that I will, either. I mean, I could, but I can't think of any particularly pressing reason to, other than curiosity, and it feels like the fact that I don't have a driving license would make it too difficult or expensive to sate that curiosity.

I've been to Mexico, though. I liked everything that didn't involve people in uniforms.

I've never been to Venice, although I've flown over it on the way to and from Venice Airport on many occasions. I always meant to get to the airport early, stick the case in left luggage and do a day trip, but never did. And, again, it's unlikely I will now, as the reason to visit that bit of Italy has gone away. It looks good from the air, though. I was surprised to discover it's an island.

I've never been to Paris, either, other than CDG airport, in transit. I still might.

And I've never done any of those things that involve being very high up, or moving very quickly, such as climbing, or rollercoasters or motorcycles or jumping off tall things or out of aircraft with or without a parachute. Just no.

I've never taken LSD, though I did have mushrooms a few times, and that was nice. Someone gave me some cocaine for the first time a couple of years ago, and it was interesting to discover colourful new depths of being a fantastically annoying arsehole, something that I thought I'd fully explored long ago. So I won't be doing that again.

I never took the opportunities that arose to see David Bowie, B.B. King, Frank Zappa or Talking Heads live. A lack of money or transport or both. The recurring bane of my life.

I've never made a bet in a betting shop. Gambling feels too much like just giving money to people who don't really need it, the opposite of charity.

I went into a strip club once, but didn't stay long enough to see any actual stripping, so it just seemed like a very odd pub. I was pressured into it by a group of women, but ran away after about three minutes. The women stayed for a long time and may have had uncomfortable conversations with punters.

I've never been in a management position of any kind.
posted by Grangousier at 5:03 PM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never been on television, but I suppose that's normal, isn't it? There were a couple of occasions when I should have been, but things went terribly wrong. I take that as a hint.
posted by Grangousier at 5:06 PM on June 26, 2017

I thought of a few more. I've never had a cell phone, a latte, or a gym membership. I've never smoked anything, not even a puff, and I've never done any drugs whatsoever. I've never had a hangover -- though I'm not much of a drinker, I think this might be because I just don't get them rather than because I've never drunk enough.
posted by orange swan at 6:35 PM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

(Actually, I have been asked out on a date precisely once in my entire life, and in my panic I wound up claiming that not only did I not drink coffee (true) or tea (not true) but that I drank nothing ever of any kind I am so sorry no liquid passes through my lips--at which point I turned and fled the scene. Poor kid was nearly as awkward as I was, and he really didn't deserve that.)

I'm Facebook friends with the first boy (well, now he's a man) who ever asked me out, and he did it in one of those "Do you want to go out with me? Check [ ] yes or [ ] no" notes, and I reacted fairly poorly, and I remember hiding out in the library for a long time afterward, and I'm hoping I at least checked [X] no rather than just running away, but it was SO AWKWARD and we were all so nerdy and I don't have a lot of giant feelings of shame about past behaviors, but that's one of the few I do have, but! He is now married to a lovely woman and they have two lovely children and they all seem very happy and successful, in soul-affirming ways, and that assuages it a little.
posted by lazuli at 7:07 PM on June 26, 2017 [4 favorites]

Man, the number of people here that have never experienced so many movies and books and so on! So that's why most of my pop-culture-based jokes never get any favorites.

...That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:29 PM on June 26, 2017 [3 favorites]

I've never smoked a cigarette, used a drug (prescribed meds, like those for diabetes or Strep, notwithstanding), and all the alcohol I've had in my 50 years would fit in one bathroom-sized Dixie cup with room left over.

I've never broken a law, including never having exceeded the speed limit.

I've never pulled an all-nighter to complete any kind of project/work.

I've never had anything pierced, tattooed, or dyed.

I've never actually seen the Godfather trilogy, though I know most of the references.

I've never done anything remotely physically dangerous (skiing, bungee jumping, etc.).

I've never been to Delaware (though I've been to every other state east of the Mississippi and a handful to the west).

I've never had ham.

I've never posted on MetaFilter without being sure that whatever I've written is the most banal thing anyone has ever written.

I've been to Paradise, but...
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 7:37 PM on June 26, 2017 [3 favorites]

OK, I've never been to Oklahoma but that is about to change. And I've never helped in the selection of feminine hygiene products before.

One of us was tied up on her phone through most of breakfast and when she makes it to the table she says her mom died and she wants me to come with her as backup when she spits on her grave. Really.

I say yes immediately because we are friends and she's always said yes to the important things I've asked of her. I will up the ante after this but in that tiny gap there is enough time to exchange a knowing glance with the other adult at the table, calculate the cost as things are tight and think about the fact that she is 28, her daughter is 12 and her mom was 43 and we're going to methtown and we're going to have to take all the kids so #3 can work and I'm certain I can get neighbors to encompass our barn in their nighttime coyote watch. So yes. This is important for closure purposes. This is important to someone important to me.

So she's gotta shop for black clothes and the kids are putting the camper shell on the back of the truck and they would like to know if this could go sideways as I'm duct taping pistols here and there and boy asks if we might need rifles and I say we'll capture additional weapons if we need them but we should spread out and be ominous and so strange that nobody fucks with us. Rally at the truck. Strange how? Take what you were thinking about and answer that instead of the question they ask you. Really? Yeah. Freaks people the fuck out and that's kinda what we're going there to do.

So we're pretty packed up for the mid-continental funereal excursion but we are missing something and it's embarrassing to her kid. We drive to the CVS and I talk to people in the aisle cause what she had been using wasn't working and I know cause I do the laundry and scrub panties with a brush when necessary and sometimes I'm that guy in the women's underwear section only because I can't get that stain out and every one needs at least a weeks worth but I don't know much more about that and we get some recommendations and a coupon for free milkshakes because I really should get her a milkshake and they are not going to use that coupon they cut out and put in their purse so we use it and slurp at the drive in for a while and she says you know this place we're going to is hell? Thanks Persephone, I know that and these are still things you shouldn't flush, ok? This bleeding thing really sucks. It must.

So how you gonna play this? You mom's boyfriend or what? Nobody's going to believe anything which is why I told you to be strange. We'll have a ton of time to work things out on the road. If my dad is there he might try to kill you. My whole insane family might try to kill you. We got as far away as we could. Hadn't thought about that. I was thinking random violence could be a problem but she keeps talking and if it happens it will not be random.

We get home and her mom is quaking. Still want to do this? Yeah. Well I can drive straight through and we get a room there but we need to go now if we're going to make it. OK.

She's wondering what people will say. She's got some awesome scars from a collision (you don't want a sunroof, trust me they are guillotines in disguise) and nobody back home has seen them and my advice for this particular situation is "The other girl wound up in the morgue" and she laughs.

And we're off. Other house person would really like to go but that is not possible. We've got her daughter she's got the dogs and feels weird and wants a call every six hours. We have to come back.

So we're off in a few.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 7:40 PM on June 26, 2017 [13 favorites]

Good luck.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:49 PM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never worn a ring.

Well, maybe once or twice for a few minutes to realize that I didn't like it. However, I've been married for 17 years and have worn a necklace instead of a wedding ring the entire time. My wife's cool like that, which is probably why she's my wife.
posted by jeremias at 8:06 PM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

Never ridden a bike.

So, all those other things you can do in life that are "like riding a bike"? Yeah, no idea.
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:17 PM on June 26, 2017 [1 favorite]

Well I've never been to heaven, but I've been to Oklahoma.
posted by lazuli at 8:23 PM on June 26, 2017 [3 favorites]

In Oklahoma, not Arizona -- what does it matter?
posted by lazuli at 9:00 PM on June 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

Nevers of which I am proud:

I have never not voted in an election in which I was eligible to vote.
I have never lost a pair of glasses, prescription or sunglasses
I have never been in an automotive accident as driver or passenger.
I have never missed a dose of any prescribed medicine including a streak of everyday for my heart medicine since election day 2008.
posted by AugustWest at 9:07 PM on June 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

I have passed out enough, but I have never thrown up from drinking. I am not sure if I am capable of doing so.
posted by solarion at 12:14 AM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

Oh, yeah, I'm super proud that never have I ever missed voting in the elections for which I was/am eligible to vote. I take it ridiculously seriously and I've literally lost friends over my voting zeal. If you're one of those "my vote doesn't count" or "voting is boring" or "ugh, I just don't have the *time*" people, don't tell me or 1) you will get an earful, and 2) we will no longer be friends if you don't change your mind.

Yeah, I'm THAT person.
posted by cooker girl at 5:41 AM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've never driven a car, truck or tractor. The only vehicle I've driven was a backhoe.

I've been to more countries than US states (Michigan, Ohio, Indiana, New York) or Canadian provinces (Ontario, Quebec, Saskatchewan).

Until I moved to Germany, I had never seen either mountains or the sea. (Mountains: Impressive, majestic, awe-inspiring. Sea: Eh. It's OK.) This was not actually a factor in my settling in a land-locked, mountainous country, but it didn't hurt either.

But perhaps oddest for someone who grew up in rural Canada: I've never curled.
posted by frimble (staff) at 5:43 AM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]

• Never been outside North America
• Never read the Harry Potter books
• Never seen more than the first season of Game of Thrones
• Never been on a for-real passenger train (theme park trains don't count)
• I never sing (either alone or in groups) unless compelled by peer pressure (i.e. Happy Birthday) Thus, I've never been to karaoke.
• I haven't stepped foot in a movie theater in over 12 years
• I have not broken a bone
• Never been in a fist fight
• I didn't date or have a girlfriend until college
• Haven't been to a concert in 15 years
• Have never had a single clue what I want to do with my life
posted by Thorzdad at 6:13 AM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've only ever had one cup of coffee and one beer. I hate the smell of both and do my best to never encounter them. Oddly, I tasted both on the same day when I was 43, and did so on both occasions in order to not be rude.

I was in LA and one friend told me another friend was opening "a restaurant" that morning. So, we walked over. But, it was not a restaurant, it was a coffee shop. And I was literally the first person to walk through the doors. He handed me a coffee and I didn't know how to decline -- god knows the bad luck spell such a thing would have cast on the new business. So, I drank it. It tasted worse than it smelled. The place is now a thriving hot spot in DTLA so the coffee is apparently well-made.

That night I went by myself to see a concert in a cemetery. People next to me struck up conversation and when they realized I was a foreigner, they invited me out after the show. And took me to a place that only sold beer. Not wanting to be rude, I had one. Dreadful stuff.

One of the things I most dislike about LA (actually, the only thing) -- and maybe this is true of other cities/states, but establishments need different licenses to sell "hard liquor" and "beer and wine". I don't drink beer or wine (though I've had much of the latter), which makes dining out a pain in the ass.

Lastly, I did not have my first drink in life until I was 27 and I did so on my first ever plane ride. To Australia. Turns out I like gin and rye and other hard liquors and have never met anyone who can outdrink me.

On the more strict topic of "Never Have I Ever": never have I ever had a hangover. And, though I've written hundreds of stories and poems, never have I ever bothered to submit anything for publication.
posted by dobbs at 6:27 AM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]

I have never seen an episode of Law and Order (any edition). According to one of my best friends, this is a nearly impossible feat, but I've found it fairly simple.

(The thing that makes it weird is that I'm usually a fan of police procedurals. And yet!)
posted by a fiendish thingy at 7:56 AM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]

I've never seen an episode of Law and Order, either. And yet. . . somehow I know what the sound is.
posted by barchan at 8:02 AM on June 27, 2017 [5 favorites]

Same! And I get all the jokes about NYC actors who have played multiple roles, I get the jokes about specific characters even, but all my knowledge comes from memes and parodies, I guess.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 8:08 AM on June 27, 2017

Chesty secrets and surprises:

For a music fan, I have a knowledge hole the shape of classic rock, hair rock, prog rock, anything related to Eric Clapton.
I have been on maybe one official date ever, in the late 1990s (we called it "hanging out" back then.)
I've been exclusively with the same person since I was 22; I'm 39 now.
Although I am married with kids, neither of these was ever really a life goal of mine.
I once voted for a Republican, in which I felt he was the lesser of two evils. (It was an early Bloomberg election. My feelings about the outcome are pretty complicated.)
I haven't done it a lot, but I really enjoy recreational shooting.
Between media-cautious parents and being Too Punk Rock to Support the Hollywood Machine, I missed basically all the culturally important movies from the 90s and 00s. I've never seen any Top Gun, any Die Hard movie, any Matrix, Jerry McGuire, so many movies. I'd like to catch up some time but when?

posted by chesty_a_arthur at 8:25 AM on June 27, 2017

I've seen Top Gun somewhere over 300 times, and would happily trade that for needing to catch up on pop culture.
posted by frimble (staff) at 8:34 AM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]

Never had alcohol in any quantity greater than a sip (or coffee, depending on how you count a cup of milk with a dribble of coffee in it). Never had a car or a driver's license. But these things mostly don't surprise anyone much.

What DOES seem to surprise people on a regular basis is that I don't (never did) smoke, or otherwise consume cannabis. This probably has something to do with leaving my hair long and my beard messy, wearing patched clothes, and residing on the west coast. Just the other day I was walking down the street with a handful of arugula from the community garden and someone mistook it for a different variety of "green." *sigh*
posted by sibilatorix at 8:58 AM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

Despite being a book critic who specializes in science fiction, I have not read most of the major texts in the genre.

Also I've been a member here for 13 years and hadn't participated until yesterday.
posted by Fish Sauce at 9:00 AM on June 27, 2017 [16 favorites]

Okay that's impressive
posted by notquitemaryann at 9:20 AM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've lived in New England for 20 years and I have never gone to Cape Cod.
posted by dlugoczaj at 9:24 AM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

And orange swan, I'm with you on the never-smoked, never [illegal/prescription-addictive] drugs, and the hangover (although the hangover is because I've never been drunk beyond a gentle buzz). Don't plan to change any of that in my lifetime.
posted by dlugoczaj at 9:27 AM on June 27, 2017

I have never had a cronut

but that is not important! I say we do a metafilter gofundme to take HandfulofDust to Mexico stat! I know where to get the best tacos on Isla Mujeres for a start!
posted by supermedusa at 9:30 AM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]

I have never lost a fistfight.
posted by Oyéah at 10:08 AM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

Burhanistan, would you like to play a game?
posted by cooker girl at 10:33 AM on June 27, 2017 [8 favorites]

I've never been ice skating, and don't have much interest in trying it. (I went skiing once, and hated it.)

I don't know how to whistle. I've tried and could never figure it out.

I've never had a one-night stand.

Despite having traveled through several European countries, I've never been to France. I've also never been to Alaska, Hawaii, Texas or anywhere in Asia (have been to South America and the US West Coast, though).

I've never read a Harry Potter book or seen a Harry Potter movie. I've never seen Rocky or The Goonies or the first Terminator movie or any superhero movie aside from a handful of Batman films. I've only seen one episode of Breaking Bad.

I've owned three cars but they've all been hand-me-downs. I've never, like, gone to a dealership to buy one.

I've never lived in the same room as another person. My college had all single dorms. I had roommates in my 20s, but always had my own bedroom.

However: I've had more hangovers than I'd care to remember, and I've eaten lots of shellfish. I do not recommend the former; I highly recommend the latter.
posted by breakin' the law at 10:34 AM on June 27, 2017

Someone should make a chart of the answers that keep coming up!

I, too, have never smoked anything atall. (Parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles were all chainsmokers. I had had enough of it at a very early age.)

I've never discharged a firearm, or been in the vicinity of one being discharged. Not even in a performance of the 1812 Overture. I did learn how to twirl a drill team rifle, though.

Honestly, I think I've led a fairly sheltered life in some ways. It's kind of hard to guess what would surprise Joe Internets.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:36 AM on June 27, 2017

Never ridden a bike.

So, all those other things you can do in life that are "like riding a bike"? Yeah, no idea.

I've literally fallen off a log several times, and while it was a simple feat to achieve I certainly didn't feel much at ease.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:52 AM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

But surely everyone's fallen off a log at some point in their lives.
posted by frimble (staff) at 10:56 AM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

But surely everyone's fallen off a log at some point in their lives.

Nope!
posted by cooker girl at 10:57 AM on June 27, 2017

I, too, have never been in Cliff Claven's kitchen.

Also, no broken bones, never smoked anything (while everyone else in my family is a smoker). What can I say, 80s anti-smoking ads (kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray) did a number on me. No downhill skiing or snowboarding.

I have had multiple cortisone shots, both between vertebrae and into the tissue in my heel. While the sensation of a thick needle between my vertebrae was evidently enough to cause me to pass out, injections into the heel have got to be the most excruciating thing I've ever endured.

I've lived outside my home country (the states) for nigh on 19 years, but have never been to Europe, South America, or Africa.

I've, uh, never stayed at one job longer than 3 years. That one's a bit worrying.
posted by Ghidorah at 11:14 AM on June 27, 2017

I've never seen a Hitchcock movie since I was traumatized by the rape scene in Frenzy (what were they doing letting 12 year olds in to see that shit, anyway?) and I never will. I've never spent more than a day or two in Montreal or Toronto, despite being Canadian.

When I was 16 I was in bed with my boyfriend, who was becoming more and more agitated and finally asked me to go and shave my armpits because the hair was "grossing him out". Standing in the bathroom of his apartment, I watched myself in the mirror scraping away my armpit hair just to please him and had a moment of alienation so powerful that I didn't shave my armpits again until I was in my late forties (at which point it was mostly moot, anyway, as it was all frail and wispy). It never came back.

I've never been to a place that has a tropical climate.
posted by jokeefe at 11:43 AM on June 27, 2017 [5 favorites]

I have slipped on a banana peel
posted by supermedusa at 11:48 AM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]

I've never seen a lot of the above mentioned movies and TV, but that's because my brain does not deal well with video input - much worse now with digital screens and CGI (and maybe with getting old). Migraines really suck but even without triggering one I just can't make myself look at moving images on a screen for long. I read fanfic though and get a lot of references because of that, sometimes I find good episode recaps to fill in the gaps.

Never been drunk though i tried a little in alcohol college, but was almost panicking at the thought that I might actually BE drunk and lose control of my own feelings and just no. Also never taken any sort of drug or medication for recreational purposes, and indeed have often lied and hidden or flushed prescribed pills to avoid things that give me any sort of mood or thought affecting results. A family full of addicts has me terrified.
posted by buildmyworld at 12:04 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

I came up with a couple oddities (of the contiguous 48 US states, the only one I haven't been to is Oregon, bizarrely), before I realized, just now, that I’ve never asked for a raise. Not ever! I’ve worked diligently at a range of jobs with the expectation/hope of getting better pay, but I’ve never asked a supervisor for a bump in salary or hourly rate. Individually or as part of a collective action.

I have suffered from some impostor syndrome and social anxiety, I had a thorough steeping in Guess Culture, and I was raised with a lot of crummy/toxic attitudes that bear on this (talking about money is rude, asking for help is pitiable, etc.)--a lot of which I’ve moved past! But not so far past, apparently, that it’s ever occurred to me to ask for a raise, even when I’ve been flat broke. I'm kind of surprised and maybe dismayed by this and expect there's an AskMe in it.

On the brighter side: I’ve never been fired or laid off (knock wood).
posted by miles per flower at 12:10 PM on June 27, 2017

I have never read Hemingway, although I have a degree in English Lit.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:13 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]

I was raised as a vegetarian. Growing up my family are seafood, dairy, and eggs, but not mammals or poultry. I tried turkey once or twice at Thanksgivings and liked it but felt ethically unsure about eating it. Then I watched my parents have health problems with which they felt better eliminating some other foods and they decided to start eating meat again (especially now that you can get grass fed organic beef and whatnot). I thought it would be nice to be able to eat everything (and I wanted my daughter to be able to) and managed to add poultry to my diet but that's as far as I made it. It still occasionally squicks me out that chicken used to be walking around.

That's something I'm finding complicated: My partner and I are vegetarians, but not demanding that our child be one as well – we don't eat meat at home, but don't insist or suggest that, if meat is on the table, at grandparents', for instance, that the meat is not allowed.

The child, on the other hand, is two and a half and very much in the process of absorbing rules and norms, and 'is meat food' is one that they're struggling with.
posted by frimble (staff) at 1:26 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

So this isn't quite a never-have-I-ever, but of all my pop-cultural knowledge gaps (and there are lots), this one elicits the most surprise from people: I haven't seen very much of The Simpsons. I've seen enough of the show (and, um, lived enough during the past quarter-century) to have a pretty good idea of who the characters are and what it's like. I'd even say I like it, based on the maybe five or so episodes I've watched in full. But for some reason I never made a habit of watching it, and I've never had any particular desire to go back and catch up on it.

This often surprises people because a) The Simpsons is obviously a massive cultural touchstone, and b) my taste in TV and comedy and, like, stuff in general, seems to have quite a bit of overlap with people who pepper their conversations with references to the show. So there have been multiple occasions when people have made references to The Simpsons to me, just assuming I'd get it, only to be met by blank stares.
posted by breakin' the law at 2:34 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

I haven't just never been to prom, I have never been to a school-based celebration at all: school dances, graduation (high school or university), homecoming, random dressy events held by activities groups . . .

I think I project an aura of Square because I have never been offered any drug besides marijuana, not even a cigarette, and not for lack of interest. And I've only been offered marijuana because everyone else in the room was using it. And despite doing it multiple times with multiple sources using multiple methods, I've yet to get high. I am starting to think me and drugs were not meant to be. Which I guess is not the worst thing, but gosh, I am past my twenties and the stories of my wild youth are bad OKCupid dates and watching a lot of cartoons.
posted by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on June 27, 2017

You can get [chicken pox] asymptotically.

Does that mean you can almost, but never quite, actually get it?
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:40 PM on June 27, 2017 [13 favorites]

The one people around me struggle to believe: acid.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 5:05 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

These were all interesting but I guess I've been both curious enough to try anything at least once if I'm faced with the opportunity and pretty lucky in life, so there aren't too many things on this thread that I've never done before. Except maybe illegal drugs of any kind.

Someone mentioned having never seen Cinema Paradiso way up thread... I'd never seen it either until last year, because I missed seeing it in theaters when it was first released and for some reason I'd always wanted to see it in a movie theater, preferably on film. One slow afternoon sometime last year, though, I finally gave in and decided to watch the directer's cut that I'd recorded from a satellite channel on our TV, and ended up bawling, really crying out loud with tears streaming down my face, when I got to the final scene. I don't think I've ever cried like that watching a movie ever before in my life. I don't cry much, period. My dog was looking at me concernedly the entire time! For some reason, I'd been lucky enough to have not been spoiled about what is probably one of the most famous endings in the history of film. I still don't know what it was about that ending... I translate movies for a living and it certainly isn't the best movie I've ever seen or even my most favorite movie now that I've seen it, but it really touched me at that point in life, I guess.

So to the people who have never seen certain movies... do see them. Don't put off not seeing them just to be able to say you've never seen them. Even Star Wars. You never know how they'll strike you, and you might be surprised.
posted by misozaki at 6:39 PM on June 27, 2017

I have owned Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon on DVD since it originally came out and have still never gotten around to watching it.

I have attempted to watch this movie approximately 5 times in my life and have fallen asleep every. single. time. Even in the movie theater when it first came out. I don't consider it boring, either, so I'm not sure what the problem is. Maybe I only think of watching it when I'm already tired or maybe I find it so relaxing that I just drift off, I dunno. So never have I ever made it all the way through Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
posted by i feel possessed at 6:51 PM on June 27, 2017

Never been to New Orleans; never eaten a Big Mac.
posted by Rash at 7:09 PM on June 27, 2017

I've eaten chili, but I HATE it and this makes people mad. "You have to try it the way I make it!" No I don't. I'll hate it.
posted by AFABulous at 7:19 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]

I've never been in my 20's and not smoked grass.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 7:30 PM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]

I've never watched a single episode of the original Star Trek series.

I've seen bits and pieces, sure, but never a full episode. Plenty of TNG, though never a full season from start to finish. Kind of weird as I enjoyed all the movies, especially that one where they got Borg'd.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:43 PM on June 27, 2017

But surely everyone's fallen off a log at some point in their lives.

No but in my heavy drinking days I did once fall upwards into a tree.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:45 PM on June 27, 2017

I have attempted to watch this movie approximately 5 times in my life and have fallen asleep every. single. time.

This could be a whole new category. I've never made it through "Alphaville" and I've definitely tried to watch it at least five times.
posted by From Bklyn at 8:02 PM on June 27, 2017

I've never read The Two Towers through to the end despite several attempts to do so. I can make it about half way and then it's like taking a couple sleeping pills. I've also never read the Return of the King as a result.
posted by Mitheral at 8:19 PM on June 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

and have fallen asleep every. single. time.

All the Harry Potter. Most of the Lord of the Rings*.

* Which I've never read, so there's that.
posted by pompomtom at 8:22 PM on June 27, 2017

I've eaten chili, but I HATE it and this makes people mad. "You have to try it the way I make it!" No I don't. I'll hate it.

It doesn't come up as often, but chili is sort of like my Simpsons for food: people think I'll like it based on my taste in food (I like salty, meaty things; as well as most stews and throw-a-bunch-of-stuff-into-a-pot type dishes) but I kind of don't. I don't quite hate it. If you put it in front of me and I'm hungry, I'll probably eat it. But I'll think it's meh, at best.

(This isn't an exact analogy - I'd say my opinion of The Simpsons is higher than my opinion of chili - but it's close enough.)
posted by breakin' the law at 8:28 PM on June 27, 2017

Another fun category based on AFABulous' chili comment: stuff you dislike that makes people mad for some inexplicable reason. Mine's roller coasters. I hate roller coasters; I've tried them and find them to be thoroughly unpleasant. But roller coaster people often seem to have a difficult time accepting this. "Oh, there's nothing to be afraid of; just relax!" I'm not scared. I know nothing is going to happen to me. I simply intensely dislike the feeling that I could be thrown in any given direction at any given moment. Sorry.
posted by breakin' the law at 8:36 PM on June 27, 2017 [3 favorites]

i've never been west of the Mississippi, except for St. Louis and if you want to count New Orleans.
posted by T.D. Strange at 8:58 PM on June 27, 2017

I live in the U.S.; I've been to about 12 or 13 foreign countries, some several times, and Hawaii like 10 times, but I've never been to the Grand Canyon, Chicago, New Orleans, Niagara Falls, Martha's Vineyard, Utah, Yellowstone or Canada. My bucket list is really, really long.
posted by gt2 at 8:59 PM on June 27, 2017

Never have I ever graduated from any institution of learning. I quit high school and went to college at 16, then did about three bachelor's degrees worth of education (all 4.0 report cards) at four or five different institutions, but I never actually got a degree in anything. Yay bipolar disorder.
posted by xyzzy at 9:37 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]

I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock. I am an island.
posted by Bruce H. at 10:38 PM on June 27, 2017 [2 favorites]

"stuff you dislike that makes people mad for some inexplicable reason. "

I dislike chocolate and you would not BELIEVE how angry that makes people! I constantly point out they're considering it wrong, sitting next to me means they get to eat their chocolate AND MINE TOO, but they're usually still mad.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 10:48 PM on June 27, 2017 [4 favorites]

They are fools indeed.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 10:50 PM on June 27, 2017

Karaoke. Never done it.
Never baked anything.
Never had a manicure.
Never made a dog vomit.
Never skydived.
Never had a speeding ticket.
I've never read the middle five Harry Potter books.
posted by mikurski at 1:13 AM on June 28, 2017

Until yesterday I have never run out of gas while driving. I have an excuse, but it is a crummy one. You see, I live and work on this island (of sorts, the bridges to the "mainland" are like 50 yards long). For some reason, the fuel prices are exorbitantly higher on the island than even just on the other side of the bridge. The problem arises that I really only use my car to go to work, and so have to specifically go out of my way to get gas.

It is only about 2km to the gas station, but I put it off and put it off. Yesterday evening I realized that I would be unable to postpone any longer, so I crossed the bridge to go to the cheaper gas station.

There is a huge apartment complex being built right on the other side of the bridge which has torn up my road to the gas station and left nothing but a pothole filled dirt track.

As I was bouncing along, the car suddenly stopped. Man. Problem is that the dirt track is really narrow and stalled out car is blocking it. Due to construction, traffic is really light, but I can't just leave the car there.

The gas station is about 200 yards away, but I also have free roadside service so am trying to decide if I should push or just call and get help. One thing is certain, though, I have to push the car a little bit so I am not just stopped in the middle of the tiny road.

While I was pushing the car, an older guy stops and asks if I need help. I ashamedly admit to running out of gas and his eyes light up. He says we should push. I don't want to deny him his enjoyment, so we push the car down to the gas station together. It was only 200 yards, but the potholes and dirt make it a difficult time. By the time we get to the gas station we are both soaked with sweat, but the old guy is so excited he is yelling about how he helped an idiot push his car to the gas station. Everyone at the gas station is laughing (at him? At me? Who knows) and I feel happy that I gave a stranger the opportunity to push my car so that he would have a story to tell.
posted by Literaryhero at 2:42 AM on June 28, 2017 [16 favorites]

I know y'all were hoping for extra bodies dumped in the grave but there was nobody there but us and she chose not to spit but formalities took a while.

I can cross off never being in a karaoke bar or running out on a tab. "Kitchen open late." I chat with the doorman. I don't know the rules around here. You guys been to a funeral or something? He wouldn't bring his kid in there. Would he feed his kid food from there? They won't eat McDonald's. Oh god yes the ribs. We're coming in if we may. Let me move some people and get you a corner cause they throw stuff at the stage. He's gone for a couple minutes and my son says it's probably not tomatoes the stuff they throw. No, it's probably axes and again I wonder where he gets these Yiddish constructions.

It's a booth sideways towards the stage so we can all see and people are necking or head down on the bar at 4 o'clock in the afternoon and a guy is up there playing his own guitar doing Harry Chapin and I can't find anything wrong with his version. The kids are good and housemate is coming out of her trance a bit.

Service is slow and I go up on stage and look at the gear. You can play anything and cancel out what you are playing yourself. Instruments available. You can dial up anything. This is pretty cool and people start shouting "Free Bird" at me which is also something I can scratch off the list.

We order ribs and sides and watch people get up there and do Boston and Kansas and people cheer. Youngest wants to try and hell yeah we encourage this and somebody is helping her with the equipment and she pulls up Gary Numan and this is the creepiest song a nine year old girl has ever sung. They want more. I've never seen her smile like this. This is so good for her. Owns this place. So she goes for Portishead and they've never heard that either and out of her mouth it is devastating and she's in floor length black taffeta with the veil mostly up and if I didn't know her I'd be frightened. Shocks of white hair spilling out and she looks so tall up there.

Ribs arrive and I stand up so she can slide in. Things are calm but adults on the outside of the booth.

It's quickly clear we need more than 3 orders cause they are good ribs. I'm not hungry. One bite, please? Ok I'm hungry. Wish I could change clothes. Itchy. People are sending drinks and I don't want five shots of tequila and five beers and housemate deathmaiden downs three of the shots, quick. I don't want to insult anybody so I have to talk to people I don't want to talk to and redistribute wealth and make new friends and they want one more song and she's full of power.

Out of the blue and into the black. Hey hey my my indeed. Her diaphragm must be down in her knees. People are stomping. We gotta be stage left when she's done. People are going to try to hug her and you know what she's like about that. I just sent her mom a vid of the first 3 minutes of that. She'd like to know exactly where we are. Where are we? Exactly?

I know you've had a rough couple days but are you going to help? At all? Fire exit. OK, You know you got a bone in your mouth? She flicks it and says not anymore like she doesn't give a shit. Bone doesn't hit anybody. Fire exit. Yeah c'mon, fire exit. Kids are besieged over there. Fire exit. Fire exit I tell them. Fire exit? Fire exit. This is going to set off the alarm. It's the only way she's coming out peaceably. Fire exit? Fire exit.

I don't really want you beside or behind me while I'm driving. That bad? You are not you. Sleep in the back? Yeah, you're really upset. We put your girl shotgun. Nobody called a vote on that. I love you. Love you too. Add or subtract 25 years and we could have a really unfulfilling and exhilarating relationship with the half-life of guano. You are so dark. Just sleep until you can't and then go back to sleep.

Get back up front and kids say we didn't pay for the food and they are correct. We just went to a burial and now I've made everyone an accomplice to something. Fire exit!
posted by Mr. Yuck at 3:59 AM on June 28, 2017 [11 favorites]

Never legally driven a car.
Never applied any makeup other than basic foundation (though I've had others paint my face for stage stuff).
Never been paid more than travel expenses for playing a gig in the UK, never not been paid for playing gigs in Denmark (despite them being much smaller-scale and less professional on every count), including the one time we were paid in beer and kittens (yep, actual live kittens).
Never been asked out or been on a date.
Never learned to read music or get any meaningful understanding of music theory.
posted by Dysk at 4:55 AM on June 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

I work in a very specialized, high pressure field, that most of my colleagues have multiple degrees in. I have never even taken a 101 course in anything tangentially relevant to my work, nor taken any of the professional certifications or exams. It confuses the hell out of new colleagues.

I had my first cup of coffee 3 weeks ago by accident. (I ordered tea and wasn't paying attention when I was handed a hot beverage). It tasted terrible and I still feel betrayed by it.
posted by larthegreat at 6:16 AM on June 28, 2017

I play bass and write music as a hobby, but (not counting some basic piano lessons when I was very small) I've never taken formal lessons, can't read music and know nothing about notes/scales/etc other than what I pick up by ear. I can tune my bass properly if you give me an E, that's about it. This sometimes makes it difficult to communicate with bandmates, but I manage to get by...Luckily the only times I've played in organized bands it's been with people I've known my whole life who know this about me and are patient.
posted by doctornecessiter at 6:28 AM on June 28, 2017

Karaoke. Never done it.

Oh, this reminds me...A friend of mine who has sung onstage with multiple bands since high school, and who was in choirs in high school and college, recently told me that he's only done karaoke once and he didn't like it because it made him nervous. That kind of blew my mind.
posted by doctornecessiter at 6:38 AM on June 28, 2017

I've never been above the Arctic Circle or below the Antarctic Circle. Not really a regret, because I really don't like the cold.

I've never been skiing or scuba diving.

I've never been on an ocean liner or cruise ship at sea. The largest ship I can remember being on for transportation purposes was the Martha's Vineyard ferry from Woods Hole.

I've never been to South or Central America, or Puerto Rico.

I've never ridden a horse. (Elephant, yes, horse, no.) I did ride in an oxcart once.

I've never been to the Grand Canyon.
posted by pjern at 6:59 AM on June 28, 2017

Today is Bike to Work Day in Colorado. I have actually biked to work, but it was more than 40 years ago.

My favorite Bike to Work story: The company in the building next to ours made a big deal out of it. Lots of peer pressure. So on the day, we saw one of their employees park her car in our parking lot, take her bike out of the trunk, and bike 50 yards down the road to work. We always wondered if anyone noticed that she arrived at work entirely sweat free.
posted by Bruce H. at 8:00 AM on June 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

I spent 7 years at Ohio State and I've never been to a buckeyes football game.

I've never been to Europe outside of airports in my way to Africa. Zurich>Amsterdam>Brussels>Paris (I still haven't forgiven Charles de Gaulle for the guy who, when I asked where one could purchase cheese in the airport (in French) told me in English that there was no cheese at CDG, which I still don't really believe.
posted by ChuraChura at 8:06 AM on June 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

(I hadn't had cheese in nearly a year, so this was particularly upsetting. I did successfully find cheese in Amsterdam's airport, but that was only after three months of cheese deprivation so I didn't appreciate it as much as I should have.)
posted by ChuraChura at 8:09 AM on June 28, 2017

Today is Bike to Work Day in Colorado. I have actually biked to work, but it was more than 40 years ago.

I gotta say the breakfast station haul this year was a bit skimpy. I've never had a Colorado Bike to Work Day with no breakfast burritos or pancakes, until today.

My office sadly has roughly zero peer pressure to participate, but we did get them to provide bagels and fruit salad for the handful of people who biked this year. Honestly, the best thing they could do to promote active transportation would be to have company vehicles we could use for midday work trips so that nobody would have to drive a car to work all by themselves "just in case."

Or, y'know, actually require using transit when it would save the company both time and money. Any trip to downtown Denver fits that category for us. Then I wouldn't have to listen to so many people complain about how the totally unexpected auto traffic made them late/stressed/dangerous.
posted by asperity at 8:59 AM on June 28, 2017

Oh, this is fun! And I just had lunch and am avoiding getting back to work, so I'll play.

I have never:

Skiied or snowboarded, and I don't really want to but would very much like to apres ski
Missed an election (I voted for the first time at 17! It was a primary and they let you do that in my state if you're 18 by the general)
Consumed a full glass of soda because carbonation is gross, although I have nursed a beer to the bottom
Babysat
Had perfect attendance in school. I have always been a remarkably sickly person and I will get the plague if someone so much as sniffles in my vicinity.
Been under general anesthesia. The only surgery I've ever had was my wisdom teeth. I still have all other bits, knock on wood.
Done anything that involves jumping or being dropped from a height. No bungee jumping, no skydiving, not even those up-down rides at the fair. I'm going back to Disney World this summer before a cruise, and my personal goal is to make myself ride the Tower of Terror. It will require some gritting of teeth but I think I can do it.

I generally am up for trying just about anything, so I'm surprised my list is as long as it is!
posted by bowtiesarecool at 9:11 AM on June 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

I have never taken an on road driving test....and I've had my license since I was 17.
posted by astapasta24 at 10:05 AM on June 28, 2017

I still haven't forgiven Charles de Gaulle for the guy who, when I asked where one could purchase cheese in the airport (in French) told me in English that there was no cheese at CDG, which I still don't really believe.

I don't know about buying chunks of cheese, but the last time I was in CDG I ate a really good cheese sandwich (ordered because I was in a line with impatient people behind me and "fromage" was within my limited linguistic capacity).
posted by Dip Flash at 10:14 AM on June 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

So to the people who have never seen certain movies... do see them.

No way, man. I enjoy not having seeing Titanic and Avatar way more than they could possibly reward a viewing. I finally sat through Forrest Gump a few years ago and it made me want to kill someone. I can't have that happen again.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:16 AM on June 28, 2017 [4 favorites]

No way, man. I enjoy not having seeing Titanic and Avatar way more than they could possibly reward a viewing. I finally sat through Forrest Gump a few years ago and it made me want to kill someone. I can't have that happen again.

I think many of us who are huge movie buffs wouldn't mind not having seen any of those three.
posted by doctornecessiter at 11:07 AM on June 28, 2017

For the record: The cut version of Cinema Paradiso is much better than the uncut one.
posted by Melismata at 11:29 AM on June 28, 2017

Never read any Harry Potter books or seen any of the movies

I am also Potter-Free. Plus: No Games of Thrones.
posted by Rash at 11:55 AM on June 28, 2017

So to the people who have never seen certain movies... do see them.

No way, man. I enjoy not having seeing Titanic and Avatar way more than they could possibly reward a viewing. I finally sat through Forrest Gump a few years ago and it made me want to kill someone. I can't have that happen again.

I don't actually get any joy from being able to say I haven't seen many famous movies, it's kind of a pain in the ass when people ask about it. And I love it when I watch something I thought I wouldn't like but end up liking. That's the best.

I'm pretty good at knowing what I'm going to like, especially when it's a big movie with lots of previews, etc. I am rarely surprised if I know anything about the movie going in. (and big Hollywood movies are rarely surprising). So the times I give in are 99% disappointing. And seeing it doesn't make it any better most of the time, because now people can't believe I didn't like it and want to argue.

I realized long ago if I didn't see a movie at all people might think that was weird, but at least I didn't have to argue about the quality of the movie. And I can just say "Oh yeah, I'll check that out" and make it go away.
posted by bongo_x at 11:59 AM on June 28, 2017

And I know people think everyone must watch Game of Thrones, but it looks like more people watched Friends every week when it was on.
posted by bongo_x at 12:09 PM on June 28, 2017

When you're in your fifties there's the thought that 'never have I ever' could become more of a life long renunciation. I have never skied or ridden on a motor cycle, things that seem fool hardy to a person with an already messed up knee. But in my late forties I did take up distance biking and now thinking about bikes is an important part of my life.

I've never left North America but hope soonish that travel will become part of my every day thoughts; planning and traveling. I've never lived alone either, always had a roommate, spouse or kids but that change is on the horizon.

Also I am glad to see I'm not the only one who has never drank coffee. I feel like an oddity, but it appears we are legion. Also have never watched an episode of Friends, Sex in the City or Law and Order but know multitudes about each of them due to love of celebrity gossip.
posted by readery at 1:40 PM on June 28, 2017

When I saw this thread, I immediately thought of the never-ever that got a strong reaction from someone: I've never seen an Austin Powers movie, which doesn't seem that remarkable to me, but he immediately had a negative reaction, as if I were being incredibly snobbish by saying that. (It's not even that I don't like Mike Myers, as I've seen both Wayne's World movies; it's more like I've seen so many quotes and video clips from them that I feel like there's no reason to.)

I've also never been overseas; in fact, the only other country I've ever been to is Canada, one afternoon, when I was a little kid. I haven't seen a single episode of The Sopranos or Friends. I haven't been to Florida, Louisiana, or Los Angeles. On the positive side, I've also never done cocaine, heroin, or meth, despite having been offered opportunities for each.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:51 PM on June 28, 2017

I haven't been to Florida

y'aint missing anything.
posted by AFABulous at 2:03 PM on June 28, 2017

i have never had or even seen irl Bubble tea, despite all my foodie friends being seemingly obsessed with it.

I do want to try it but don't know where to get it or been anywhere that serves it.
posted by Faintdreams at 2:09 PM on June 28, 2017

Ooh, I've never seen Titanic or Avatar either! This fact doesn't give me joy, but I don't plan on watching them, either.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 2:20 PM on June 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

I meant to have bubble tea, and I meant to like Thai cuisine, but that slipped to the generation that comes after me. I have a favorite Vietnamese place. When I go back to my old town, I go there, and to my fave coffee house. I have never completely let anything go.
posted by Oyéah at 6:15 PM on June 28, 2017

"You have to try it the way I make it!" No I don't. I'll hate it.
AFABulous, that's how I feel about eggplant. Which I have eaten. More often than seems reasonable because I don't like it. Could you please put that effort into something I think tastes tolerable?
posted by theora55 at 8:00 PM on June 28, 2017

Yeah, but sometimes people are right. I used to hate Brussels sprouts. Had a coworker say, "You haven't tried my husband's." The next time he made some, she had him make extra just for me. And I was just being polite. She and I had totally different taste in pretty much everything. There was absolutely no reason to believe that this would work. But it was glorious. Roasted until partly caramelized with tons of garlic.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:19 PM on June 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

I hate coconut. I love sweets, but decline anything with coconut. I noticed more than one event sequence that went like this: A friend has asked if I am allergic to coconut, or just don't like it. I say it's just dislike. A couple weeks later they give me a piece of cake or cookie or something. I take one bite, say "This has coconut, sorry, not for me" and they insist there's no way I can taste such a small amount. I've decided I have special coconut receptors in my tongue or something.

Also, I've never broken a cheese knife. My brother claims I have but it's not true.
posted by mark k at 9:31 PM on June 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

Okay okay, but never trust anyone who tells you you have to try the brussels sprouts bubble tea. That shit's rank yo
posted by Joseph Gurl at 9:47 PM on June 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

I haven't been to Florida

y'aint missing anything.

I could honestly go to Disneyworld and EPCOT, just to say that I've been, and I'd like to see the Keys while they're still above water.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:55 PM on June 28, 2017

stuff you dislike that makes people mad for some inexplicable reason

ooh I have a big one of these - I don't really like violent films, and especially not violent crime movies or tv. I don't get why this drives people so damn nuts but I have spent a truly tedious amount of time saying no to people who insist that I just have to watch (insert stupid killy movie here). So I really enjoy Better Call Saul, but have no interest in watching Breaking Bad. This seems to be driving my boyfriend in particular slowly mad.

and if you feel the urge to respond to this with some reasoning why I really should just watch Breaking Bad...don't. just don't
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:02 AM on June 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

People also seem to have a hard time getting that personal taste can be really specific and idiosyncratic. I love horror movies. I worked at video stores for years, constantly watching obscure horror flicks and low-grade bad, bad movies. But I've never been able to stand sadistic movies. People always act surprised, and just the other night someone said "but horror movies are sadistic!" Not the stuff I like! Certainly not to the degree that most of the new stuff seems to be. Loving Hammer (or Amicus) movies, or even Italian slasher movies, doesn't mean I want to watch Saw XII, or Hostel 5, or whatever sadistic torture porn is out there. I almost always pass on a new horror movie only because they almost always look upsetting and gross.

To some people, it probably sounds like I'm splitting a very fine hair, but honestly, there are differences there.

Also, I've never seen The Wire. Yes, I've heard it's great, but no, I just haven't gotten around to watching it. People act like this means there's something wrong with me.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 12:33 AM on June 29, 2017 [3 favorites]

Oh, I just thought of a good one! Somehow I was never exposed to the children's song "Muffin Man" and only knew the Zappa song. So whenever people would talk about the song in relation to children or whatever I was baffled. Then I had kids, and was looking around on YouTube and was like...Wow.

The thing is that I never admitted this to anyone before, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't go blabbing it around to everyone.
posted by Literaryhero at 2:42 AM on June 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

Hey everyone! Have you heard about Literaryhero and the Muffin Man?
posted by Dysk at 3:11 AM on June 29, 2017 [3 favorites]

There's a children's song?
posted by flabdablet at 7:53 AM on June 29, 2017

some sin eater trade by which I never have to see Top Gun

Hey! No shoving in. There's a line here, bud. If you're never going to have to see Top Gun I'm ahead of you.
posted by flabdablet at 8:25 AM on June 29, 2017

I used to work on F-14s and, hooo boy, Top Gun makes me itch.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 8:26 AM on June 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

Also, I've never seen The Wire. Yes, I've heard it's great, but no, I just haven't gotten around to watching it. People act like this means there's something wrong with me.

Same here, shapes that haunt the dusk. I've lived in Baltimore for 18 years but I've never seen The Wire.
posted by cheapskatebay at 9:09 AM on June 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

I feel like a Bad Gay Man because there is so much stereotypically gay media I haven't consumed, or don't like. I haven't seen any movies with Bette Davis, Marlene Dietrich, or Judy Garland (except Wizard of Oz). I'm not a fan of Liza Minnelli or Bette Midler or Cyndi Lauper (though I appreciate the AIDS activism they've done).

*whispers* I could take or leave Beyoncé *winces*
posted by AFABulous at 10:54 AM on June 29, 2017 [5 favorites]

Confess, Fletch: "I used to work on F-14s and, hooo boy, Top Gun makes me itch."

My adviser in grad school had been an actual Top Gun in the Navy and just rolled his eyes when anyone asked about that movie.
posted by octothorpe at 11:14 AM on June 29, 2017

Oh, I just thought of a good one! Somehow I was never exposed to the children's song "Muffin Man" and only knew the Zappa song

Oh yeah, that reminds me! Technically I've heard it now, but until I looked it up a few months ago, I had literally never heard "Call Me Maybe." I finally looked it up on YouTube, and the people I was with were like "you remember hearing that everywhere, right?" But nope. Had literally never heard it in my life.

Actually, come to think of it, I've never heard "Tik Tok" either.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 11:43 AM on June 29, 2017

I've never performed Brahms' Requiem.

I haven't either, thanks to fibromyalgia blowing my shot to do it with the Madison Symphony this past spring. And it's my favorite choral piece of all time.

There's not a lot I haven't done due to my tragic lack of impulse control, but I've stayed away from hard drugs (nothing besides marijuana) and crime at least.
posted by altopower at 12:09 PM on June 29, 2017

I feel like a Bad Gay Man because there is so much stereotypically gay media I haven't consumed, or don't like. I haven't seen any movies with Bette Davis, Marlene Dietrich, or Judy Garland (except Wizard of Oz).

It's okay, I fucking hate Sarah Waters' writing and then I have to grit my teeth every time I go looking for f/f and she's everywhere
posted by sciatrix at 12:16 PM on June 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

but until I looked it up a few months ago, I had literally never heard "Call Me Maybe." ...
Actually, come to think of it, I've never heard "Tik Tok" either.

Still haven't heard it except when they played 3 seconds on an NPR story years ago. Same with "Royals (?)". Don't know what "Tik Tok" is. I think I saw part of a Taylor Swift video a few years ago, unless I'm confusing her with someone else. I heard Lady Gaga "Born This Way" once in a store, and then looked it up because I thought it was a remix of "Express Yourself" in a different language (I couldn't hear it well in the store) but that's all I've heard despite seeing her and reading about her all the time.

I don't know where people hear these things if they don't listen to the radio. Which everyone claims not to do.
posted by bongo_x at 5:06 PM on June 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

i have never had or even seen irl Bubble tea, despite all my foodie friends being seemingly obsessed with it.

I honestly have no clue whether or not I have ever had bubble tea.
posted by breakin' the law at 5:54 PM on June 29, 2017

You'd know when you said "what the hell are these weird tasteless candies floating in my tea?"
I like bubble tea, it's just kind of a weird thing to get all excited about.
posted by bongo_x at 6:29 PM on June 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

The bubbles themselves aren't that compelling for me, but if you hooked me up with a bottomless glass of the taro flavored tea my favorite place makes, I would happily drink it until I exploded.
posted by notquitemaryann at 9:01 PM on June 29, 2017 [3 favorites]

I've never been able to stand sadistic movies
oh man yea those are the worst
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 10:19 PM on June 29, 2017

I am 32 and I have never watched Fight Club.
posted by en forme de poire at 1:41 AM on June 30, 2017

I've never burped. Literally. I can't. I think there must be something wrong with me.
posted by BlueNorther at 7:04 AM on June 30, 2017 [2 favorites]

I have never eaten brains.

I am hoping to change that status by the end of the week

For the record, I was successful in removing this from my "never" list. The flavor was somewhat like liver, but milder, but also like something I hadn't quite tasted before. (I know a lot of people don't like liver, but I grew up eating it once a week or so and have liked liver as long as I can remember.) The texture, though, was amazingly smooth and creamy.

A+++++++ WOULD EAT BRAINS AGAIN. (Really.)
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 6:35 PM on July 2, 2017 [2 favorites]

damn everything about that comment made me make the sourest face that has ever crossed the front of my head. I definitely have liver issues
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:37 AM on July 3, 2017

The flavor was somewhat like liver, but milder, but also like something I hadn't quite tasted before.

Hmmm. I've never had brain except in taco form. . . but my impression has always been that it's incredibly flavorless. It's the squash of animals parts; definitely a texture-food rather than a taste-food, which seems to make half the world happy but doesn't do anything at all for me. But, now I wonder if I'm missing something. What animal did you eat?
posted by eotvos at 9:52 AM on July 6, 2017

I've never been able to bring myself to try brain, even though I have friends who love it. I've only ever seen it at Mexican places. I imagine as with any organ meat, your impression of it probably depends a lot on how well it's cooked and what it's cooked with. Like I normally can't stand liver, but I love chopped liver for whatever reason.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 8:06 PM on July 6, 2017

What animal did you eat?

Pig brains.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 11:02 AM on July 7, 2017

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