Vote the quidnunc kid #1 Tolkien limerick summarizer

August 8, 2016 3:35 PM

Three rings for the elves, full of might;
Dwarves seven, men nine - that sounds right!
And one for their Lord? Sure!
He lives down in Mordor -
Where the shadows (and weather) are shite.

Our very own elected #1 the quidnunc kid has retold the entirety of The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit in limerick form and posted it on his profile page. Includes footnotes, also in limerick form. Rumors abound of an audiobook version.
posted by Kattullus to MetaFilter-Related at 3:35 PM (79 comments total)

It has been rumored, yes.
The read-version: something for my next sabbatical, if I ever get a job in academia, which is doubtful.
The audio book version: has anyone contacted Stephen Fry yet?
posted by Namlit at 3:40 PM on August 8, 2016 [1 favorite]

tl;dr:

the quidnunc kid is a son of a gun,
Who generates lunatic fun.
He took the Lord of the Rings
And Limericized things
To get us to vote #1
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:48 PM on August 8, 2016 [30 favorites]

I cannot yet vote #1, for there is no green background.
No trace smocking of Theodore.
No Simillirillia trailers.

I'm certainly jealous about this
What can you do
With the sunrise stew
So give us a great big kiss.
posted by clavdivs at 4:06 PM on August 8, 2016 [1 favorite]

I once knew a kid from quidnucket
hall of famer just like kirby puckett
so vote #1
Mefi's sunniest son
without him we'd all just say fuck it
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 4:07 PM on August 8, 2016 [38 favorites]

*heart eyes*
posted by ChuraChura at 4:44 PM on August 8, 2016 [9 favorites]

Three Rings for the mod-kings under the skype,
Seven for the Hurf-lords in their halls of Durf,
Nine for Meta Fites doomed to answer,
One for the Honey Badger on his careless throne.
#1 Ring to rule them all. #1 Ring to find them,
#1 Ring to Nunc them all and in the darkness Quid them.
posted by Namlit at 4:44 PM on August 8, 2016 [6 favorites]

Yeah I know. But it's getting late here.
posted by Namlit at 4:45 PM on August 8, 2016 [1 favorite]

The audio book version: has anyone contacted Stephen Fry yet?

I email him once a day to call him a poopface, maybe I can work in a gig offer.
posted by nom de poop at 5:04 PM on August 8, 2016 [3 favorites]

Whose woods these are I think I know
His tower is in Dol Guldur, though
posted by thelonius at 5:27 PM on August 8, 2016 [13 favorites]

The footnotes are limericks! In awe here.
posted by BinGregory at 5:52 PM on August 8, 2016 [9 favorites]

Well this is gonna make my nearly-finished Petrachan Sonnet tribute to Death Race 2000 look a bit silly, isn't it?
posted by Ufez Jones at 6:29 PM on August 8, 2016 [16 favorites]

As much as I love Stephen Fry, I think a different Stephen should read these, Colbert.
posted by Apoch at 6:36 PM on August 8, 2016 [5 favorites]

Wonderful.
posted by wallabear at 7:21 PM on August 8, 2016

Whose woods these are I think I know
His tower is in Dol Guldur, though

'Twas many and many a year ago
In a region called the Shire
There lived a hobbit whom you may know
And whom a wizard wanted to hire
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 7:35 PM on August 8, 2016 [4 favorites]

Oh my god. If I hadn't already been persuaded many times over to vote #1 quidnunc kid this masterpiece would definitely have tipped the scales.
posted by town of cats at 10:07 PM on August 8, 2016 [6 favorites]

You are all very kind, and please rest assured that after posting my all-limerick version of Dante's Divine Comedy, Satan himself is preparing a new level of Hell to punish my crimes against art.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 12:31 AM on August 9, 2016 [48 favorites]

*trifocal heart eyes*
posted by infini at 1:59 AM on August 9, 2016 [4 favorites]

That was great, can't get over "Nazgûl pox". Best thing any of my elected representatives has done for me lately!
posted by comealongpole at 4:14 AM on August 9, 2016 [2 favorites]

The Quidnunc kid, out on the stump
Took all of the Mefites for chumps
"They think Tolkien is fun,
and they'll vote #1,
Just watch this post-profile-post bump!"
posted by Meatbomb at 5:22 AM on August 9, 2016 [11 favorites]

Fabulous!
posted by OmieWise at 6:05 AM on August 9, 2016

quidnunc kid is a poetry wiz!
If I had a penis I'd jizz*
I once called it vogon
Because I'm a bogan**
He's king of the rhymes, yes he is!


*I'm so, so sorry.
** This explains that terrible line.
posted by h00py at 6:29 AM on August 9, 2016 [8 favorites]

Now's as good a time as any for me to finally ask, what is 'quidnunc'?
posted by latkes at 6:31 AM on August 9, 2016

Quidnunc, do you mind if I email a link to your profile page to my future father in law, who I think will get a kick out of it?
posted by dismas at 7:00 AM on August 9, 2016

There once was a Kid of Quidnunc
Who dropped rhymes with a clever kerplunk.
He did us a favor,
This nimble lifesaver,
In providing Tom Bombadil preshrunk!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 7:06 AM on August 9, 2016 [8 favorites]

Now's as good a time as any for me to finally ask, what is 'quidnunc'?

Whatnow, Google broke?

Nunc quid? said the repair dude.
posted by Namlit at 7:20 AM on August 9, 2016 [2 favorites]

Now's as good a time as any for me to finally ask, what is 'quidnunc'?

It's the phrase "Squid Nun CO" with the first and last letters chopped off for brevity. Of course, a squid nun CO is the Commanding Officer of a unit of the dreaded squid nuns from the Church of the Cephalopod Triumphant, a rank that Major quidnunc kid has held since the Third Tentacular War, if I remember correctly. At any rate, I understand that qk served the cause of the Gnashing Beak with ferocity, dignity, and probity (not always in that order).
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:47 AM on August 9, 2016 [14 favorites]

Nunc scio quid sit amor.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 8:07 AM on August 9, 2016 [11 favorites]

I voted the quidnunc kid #1 before it was cool!
posted by languagehat at 8:32 AM on August 9, 2016 [9 favorites]

[q]uidnunc, do you mind if I email a link to your profile page to my future father in law, who I think will get a kick out of it?

Oh sorry I missed this. I don't think he'd see anything if he's not a (logged-in) MeFite, no? But, feel free to cut and paste.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 8:48 AM on August 9, 2016 [3 favorites]

Impressive work! Now I know why he's #1, finally.
posted by some loser at 9:14 AM on August 9, 2016

Sort of a shorter limericked version of "Bored of the Rings" --- and that's a compliment!
posted by easily confused at 9:15 AM on August 9, 2016 [2 favorites]

About profile pages -- a visitor should be able to read it on your profile page. To oversimplify a bit, profile pages are mostly visible to non-members (including the blurb section where this magnum opus is written), unless you opt out by checking the "minimal profile" option in your Preferences.

The profile pages are no-indexed, which means reputable search engines won't list their contents, so for example someone's location isn't going to come up in a Google search if it's on their profile page. That's why we ask people not to bring that info over to the main site -- because if your location gets mentioned on the main site, then it would show up in Google. But despite being no-indexed, the profile pages are (mostly) visible to humans, even non-members.

More details here.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 9:44 AM on August 9, 2016 [2 favorites]

Oh sorry I missed this. I don't think he'd see anything if he's not a (logged-in) MeFite, no? But, feel free to cut and paste.

The splendid text can be viewed if not a logged-in MeFite. Noticed earlier today that The Librarians are circulating a link to your profile.
posted by Wordshore at 9:45 AM on August 9, 2016 [4 favorites]

Oh, OK - thanks!
posted by the quidnunc kid at 9:58 AM on August 9, 2016

So for those of you have read both the original and the full limerick version, does the limirick version stand alone and convey the full content of the book? I've had no tolerance for the books or movies (oh god, are they there yet?), but I think a limirick audio book might finally be my LOTR format.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 10:37 AM on August 9, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's at least as good a summary as the one found in the Silmarillion.
posted by daniel_charms at 11:19 AM on August 9, 2016 [5 favorites]

Reviving an old meme:

Her boyfriend the amputee, Legolas
Can be fairly described as legless
And since they're both plastic
Her name is fantastic:
Legless Lego Legolas' Lego Lass
posted by Kabanos at 12:03 PM on August 9, 2016 [7 favorites]

These are amazing and I'm telling everybody.
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:41 PM on August 9, 2016 [1 favorite]

Truly he is the Lord of all our rings.
posted by billiebee at 12:45 PM on August 9, 2016 [2 favorites]

Legless Lego Legolas' Lego Lass


Okay everybody we've got limericks and legless Legolas and recently released full frontal pictures of Orlando Bloom. MAKE HAY WHILE THE SUN SHINES!
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:49 PM on August 9, 2016 [1 favorite]

Quid rides? Quia Quid.
posted by Segundus at 1:55 PM on August 9, 2016

Vote quidnunc! Vote kid! elected #1!
posted by mwhybark at 2:22 PM on August 9, 2016 [1 favorite]

How am I supposed to favorite SOMEBODY'S PROFILE PAGE?!
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:26 PM on August 9, 2016 [17 favorites]

Scotty? Is this even possible to add favorites to...someonesuserpage.
posted by clavdivs at 3:29 PM on August 9, 2016 [1 favorite]

I believe the standard procedure is to send someone an envelope full of money.

That also used to be the way to pay for signups in the MeFi dark ages. True fact.
posted by Kattullus at 4:29 PM on August 9, 2016 [3 favorites]

I love both the LOTR one and the Divine Comedy one but I'm a little sad that the lead limerick Kattullus chose for this post is so, well, dire as to meter and rhyme.
posted by kenko at 6:29 PM on August 9, 2016

Holy poop balls, I had no idea that walk, talk and Orc could rhyme. Now I have to read the rest of it in a terrible approximation of a British accent.
posted by bluebelle at 9:15 PM on August 9, 2016 [1 favorite]

kenko: dire as to meter and rhyme.

Dire? He rhymed "Lord? Sure" and "Mordor"! That's chortlicious!
posted by Kattullus at 12:21 AM on August 10, 2016 [3 favorites]

It's been nearly nine hours. Where is the fully-licensed carefully typeset lead-type one-limerick-to-a-page hardcover edition? I must order it for my father. I. MUST.
posted by mwhybark at 12:22 AM on August 10, 2016 [6 favorites]

*Checks spousenation level*
posted by infini at 1:11 AM on August 10, 2016 [1 favorite]

I had to see it typeset, so I did it myself. Have at it.
posted by mwhybark at 2:01 PM on August 10, 2016 [9 favorites]

5 The White Rider

The mixed team of dwarf, elf and fighter
(Whose diversity makes 'em much brighter)
Find Gandalf returned
But are slightly concerned
That his power's consid'rably whiter.

*stands, applauds*
posted by Errant at 3:40 PM on August 10, 2016 [4 favorites]

mwhybark: I had to see it typeset, so I did it myself. Have at it.

This is beautiful. Chapeau, my good sir. My one quibble is that it would be better to allow the lines to stand unbroken, it messes up the reading flow when they're split into two lines.

Also, I would buy a book version of that, and also the Divine Comedy limericks. Heck, probably most other masterpieces of world literature.
posted by Kattullus at 3:53 PM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]

Like, all of Agatha Christie's books, right?
posted by Namlit at 3:58 PM on August 10, 2016

I'd certainly love to read a limerick version of The Murder of Roger Ackroyd or Murder on the Orient Express. I read bunches of Agatha Christie back in the day, but these two are the ones that are firmly lodged in my memory.
posted by Kattullus at 4:05 PM on August 10, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'm glad to see I still have my somewhat dog-eared paper copy of this from that meetup that time.

Yes, I possess the Quidnunc Urtext. It gives me +3 to my dorkitude attack rolls.
posted by Pallas Athena at 4:55 PM on August 10, 2016 [5 favorites]

Set in Caslon at 11/12, as I did not have easy access to Imprint, which was the face used for the Allen & Unwin 1966 edition. Imprint may have been in part modeled on Caslon and the quick-and-dirty title page matching I tried was certainly good enough for mashups.

I went with a 2/3 body column to leave room for your annotations in the outer third of the page. If I were to rework it I might go with 3/4 and left-justified verse titles instead of centered, and there are some baseline adjustments I could make.

The book is sized at 4.5 x 6.75 after the example of a chapbook, and is designed to be read with two pages visible. I elected not to mock up boards and marbling.

#1 Mr. or Ms. Q. Kid's careful attention to proper quotes, 'spalling', and spêcìal characters lent my effort fëa, for which I am grateful.
posted by mwhybark at 4:57 PM on August 10, 2016 [6 favorites]

I have a rap version of Sing A Song Of Six Pence.
posted by clavdivs at 5:40 PM on August 10, 2016 [1 favorite]

This is moving rapidly around my non-MeFite FB friends list.
posted by Etrigan at 6:10 PM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]

Dire? He rhymed "Lord? Sure" and "Mordor"! That's chortlicious!

It wouldn't work with the emphasis of the words even if it did work as end rhyme, which it doesn't; it's "MOR-dor" but "Lord? SURE" (rhymes with "ordure"). There's no way to make everything fit as to both rhythm and rhyme, and I'm one of those people who thinks that for light verse forms like the limerick the chuckles require pretty strict fidelity to the scheme. (Limericks are one of the more forgiving forms, though.) If you're not going to go Full Nash, that is.
posted by kenko at 10:00 PM on August 10, 2016 [1 favorite]

'Mordor' and 'lord sure' rhyme fine
'Down under' the world-wrapping line
They call the equator
But 'tomato', 'potato'
Don't really rhyme at all because the middle 'a' sound is different
posted by obiwanwasabi at 11:03 PM on August 10, 2016 [7 favorites]

I'd certainly love to read a limerick version of The Murder of Roger Ackroyd or Murder on the Orient Express.

;-)
posted by the quidnunc kid at 12:07 AM on August 11, 2016 [11 favorites]

quidnunc is presumably non-rhotic (cf. the walk/orc rhyme). I'm not sure how close he is to RP, but I assume "Lord sure" is [lɔːd ʃʊə], and Mordor is... I dunno, [mɔːdə] or [mɔːdɔ]. It doesn't seem out of the question that "sure" is [ʃəː] here... one more reason to make that audiobook.

(The r's are trilled in Sindarin, if you're wonderin'.)
posted by zompist at 2:01 AM on August 11, 2016

Not to get hopelessly nerdy, but in black speech r's are pronounced like the r's in French. However, Tolkien rolled his r's when reading Mordor out loud, stressing both syllables.

That all said, what I found so funny about the "Lord? Sure!/Mordor" was how unexpected it was, leading my brain into all kinds of acrobatics to make the rhyme work.

My favorite limericks force really outrageous rhymes on the reader.
posted by Kattullus at 4:47 AM on August 11, 2016 [4 favorites]

Make your own LOTR limerick with these 3 simple steps:

1. The Fellowship of the Rhymes
2. The Two Tweeners
3. It Returns with a Ring
posted by Kabanos at 8:39 AM on August 11, 2016

I love this.
When I was a senior in high school, in May we read Oedipus Rex and Antigone. The first assignment was to write a summary of the plays.
I wrote these two limericks and handed them in:

There once was a guy named Oed
Who took his mother to bed.
   He pierced his eyes
   Amid painful cries
Of regret, remorse, and dread.

Kreon was this clown
Who thought he owned the town.
   The gods showed him.
   They murdered his kin
And left him with a frown.

The teacher gave me a good solid, "are you fucking kidding me?" look over the top of her glasses. I tried to impress upon her the challenge of reducing 2 entire Greek tragedies to 10 lines of poetry, but to no avail. And yes, I was inspired by Shrinklits.
posted by plinth at 8:45 AM on August 11, 2016 [7 favorites]

[ Low
      Ri-
            Der ... ]

The quidnunc kid weren't a friend of mine
The quidnunc kid weren't a friend of mine
He drank the Kool Aid
He drank all the wine....
posted by y2karl at 9:59 AM on August 11, 2016

plinth, I believe the judgment of the High (School) Court should have been given in your favour, based upon the precedent set in Cope v Eliot (2009).
posted by the quidnunc kid at 10:23 AM on August 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

(Actually much earlier than 2009; sorry.)
posted by the quidnunc kid at 10:31 AM on August 11, 2016

the quidnunc kid, I like to think that my suffering helped pave the way for future practitioners of the art of the limerick summary.
posted by plinth at 11:01 AM on August 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

Although there I think I had set precedent for the teacher's withering look by the cartoon series I drew for "Elegy for Jane", which included a doodle of a girl with limp curls with a fish for a mouth labeled "Miss Pickerel Smile", then the more interpretive "Miss Pickerel Smile Goes to the Arctic" and "Miss Pickerel Smile Goes to Mars."
posted by plinth at 11:06 AM on August 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

This is the nerdiest and most wonderful thing in the entire world.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:15 PM on August 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

A murder mystery? You should Quid it.
The body's wherever they hid it.
The heiress, distraught,
Was in on the plot,
And obviously the butler did it.
posted by ardgedee at 7:04 PM on August 11, 2016 [3 favorites]

I stand in awe, which is better than dogshit which I also stand in sometimes but this is just magnificent. Bravo Sir, Bravo I say.
posted by adamvasco at 6:18 PM on August 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

I can do
haiku
posted by infini at 12:11 AM on August 13, 2016 [2 favorites]

Writh-kee
Writh-kee

I could say that all
Day
Long
posted by clavdivs at 7:32 AM on August 13, 2016 [1 favorite]

Round MeFi one name is well known
Vote Number One, for the throne!
If his van* is a rockin'
It ain't that Todd Lokken
It's Kid Quidnunc, gettin' his bone.

*If you DON'T live in a hella sweet van with Gandalf painted on the side, never ever tell me.
posted by MsMolly at 9:27 PM on August 13, 2016 [2 favorites]

Some friends and I just read all of these limericks out loud at a party. (That's the kind of party I go to.)

Thank you, Quidnunc Kid.
posted by goodbyewaffles at 10:54 AM on August 18, 2016 [3 favorites]

That I may have inspired but the tiniest moment of pleasure among friends, goodbyewaffles - that is the highest achievement and greatest honour anyone may aspire to. Until I'm elected Dark Lord of MetaFilter, anyway. Vote #1!
posted by the quidnunc kid at 12:31 PM on August 18, 2016 [4 favorites]