You do it HOW?! April 3, 2016 6:02 PM Subscribe

Yesterday I was trying to explain the great top sheet/no top sheet schism to a friend and it occurred to me that there should be a page on the metafilter wiki that lists all the threads that have exposed the shocking practices of our fellow Metafilterians.

Besides the sheet/duvet debate, I can think of the great standing vs sitting wiping feud, but I know there must be more.

In summary, I'm looking for threads from any section of Metafilter where commenters have been split approximately 50/50 in their belief that the other 50% are barbaric heathens who are Doing It Wrong.

posted by MsMolly to MetaFilter-Related at 6:02 PM (350 comments total) 132 users marked this as a favorite

Peeing in the shower:
http://ask.metafilter.com/7076/To-pee-or-not-to-pee-In-the-shower
posted by bystander at 6:09 PM on April 3, 2016 [2 favorites]

Shoes off in the house?
http://ask.metafilter.com/269927/Shoes-on-or-off-in-the-house
posted by bystander at 6:10 PM on April 3, 2016 [2 favorites]

To wash or not wash newly-bought textiles:
http://ask.metafilter.com/293709/Wash-before-wear
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 6:11 PM on April 3, 2016 [4 favorites]

Not strictly a MetaFilter-only debate, but nothing has more convinced me that not everyone on this site is from the same species as the Literal Viking thread.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:28 PM on April 3, 2016 [17 favorites]

What goes in the fridge and what doesn't:
https://ask.metafilter.com/9210/What-goes-in-the-fridge-and-what-doesnt
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:34 PM on April 3, 2016 [4 favorites]

Once in a while a "should I eat it?" question will have near-unanimity, but often there is a clear split between the yays and the nays.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:36 PM on April 3, 2016

And who could forget: Ask vs. Guess
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:36 PM on April 3, 2016 [7 favorites]

Ask vs. Guess?
So that's why we don't have a Guess MetaFilter section?
posted by oneswellfoop at 7:05 PM on April 3, 2016 [29 favorites]

Hygiene-related asks bring out a surprising range of practices. Do you use a new towel every time or keep using the same one for weeks? Do you wash your bras after each wearing or keep wearing the same one for weeks?
posted by magicbus at 7:07 PM on April 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

I have created a starter wiki page. I wasn't sure how to set up the Ask/Guess thing so someone else is welcome to add that.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 7:10 PM on April 3, 2016 [10 favorites]

Sock-shoe order came up recently. At a meetup I defended the "it depends" school.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 7:19 PM on April 3, 2016 [2 favorites]

Do you flush tampons? I seem to remember a more epic thread than this, but I could be misremembering.
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:23 PM on April 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

the great standing vs sitting wiping feud

In a larger sense, we can not dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow that thread. The brave MeFites who struggled there have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget those who wipe the wrong way.
posted by XMLicious at 7:23 PM on April 3, 2016 [12 favorites]

Something about how often do you wash your jeans.....
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 7:34 PM on April 3, 2016

I recall a megathread about men wearing hats/caps indoors.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 7:35 PM on April 3, 2016 [2 favorites]

Double spacing after periods, was that a thing? I remember it being a fight somewhere but can't recall where.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 7:35 PM on April 3, 2016 [6 favorites]

Here's the hat thread.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 7:38 PM on April 3, 2016 [4 favorites]

This seems like a job for the infodumpster.

Which posts in Ask MetaFilter have the most comments?
Which posts tagged with "etiquette" in Ask MetaFilter have the most comments?

Potential factional AskMes that haven't been mentioned above:

money at weddings
Why is the opening at the front of men's briefs still there if it's rarely used?

Meta-thread: what do people incorrectly believe to be universal?
posted by zamboni at 8:04 PM on April 3, 2016 [4 favorites]

And of course, the month-old sock-shoe-sock-shoe v sock-sock-shoe-shoe thread.
posted by nushustu at 8:09 PM on April 3, 2016 [7 favorites]

To most of those holy wars, I would say why bother - does anyone actually change their mind about it? But the mefi hat thread was interesting. If half of everyone is going to think I'm an idiot when I wear one, does it really matter if I'm convinced or not? All that matters is if I care what everyone else thinks of me.

Not that I'm all that attached to ball caps, even though I was in the habit of wearing one after being required to every day in the Navy. I can easily not, no loss. The weird thing is, I'm reminded of the hat thread every time there's a "can we not use the word ____" thread. Same thing, to me. So now I don't wear a hat, and I'm ok with not using the word _____ if someone asks.
posted by ctmf at 8:28 PM on April 3, 2016 [2 favorites]

Would this one count: Is cereal soup?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:41 PM on April 3, 2016 [9 favorites]

Make chicken stock or buy it?
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:05 PM on April 3, 2016

I thought I’d learned a lot by this age, and I’m pretty open minded, but I gotta say the duvet with no top sheet thing is news to me and very odd. Not as odd as not rinsing soap off your dishes, but few things are. I’m willing to help these poor people in any way I can.
posted by bongo_x at 10:30 PM on April 3, 2016 [6 favorites]

Dishwasher versus washing dishes by hand

I feel like there was an askme question that was about how often people washed various pieces of clothing (not the recent new clothing thread and it wasn't the towel thread*), but I can't find it, so maybe I'm making that up.

*It kind of blows my mind that so many people apparently wash their towels after one or two uses. You just got out of the shower! How dirty can your towel be?? Also nice towels are expensive, and I try to minimize laundry, so once per week seems perfectly adequate to me.
posted by litera scripta manet at 10:37 PM on April 3, 2016 [6 favorites]

"wiping vs. water" is a more international division - the "stand wipe vs. sit wipe" describe two equally abhorrent practices that the barbarians quarrel among themselves about :)
posted by Meatbomb at 10:58 PM on April 3, 2016 [5 favorites]

Toilet paper: under/over.
posted by birdsquared at 11:13 PM on April 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

No one flies 1100 miles to buy a 12-year old car with 184,000 miles on it, sight unseen, for a predetermined price
posted by Mitheral at 11:18 PM on April 3, 2016 [10 favorites]

So that's why we don't have a Guess MetaFilter section?

Well, no-one would post on it, would they? That would be rude!
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:18 AM on April 4, 2016 [36 favorites]

Yesterday I was trying to explain the great top sheet/no top sheet schism to a friend

this is brand new information and to think I was only judging you people for spawning Mr Butt-Trumpet
posted by billiebee at 2:52 AM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

Afterpants.
posted by Mitheral at 3:00 AM on April 4, 2016 [12 favorites]

I thought I’d learned a lot by this age, and I’m pretty open minded, but I gotta say the duvet with no top sheet thing is news to me and very odd

The duvet with a top sheet thing was new to me via metafilter and very surprising. It wasn't this thread today where I learned about it, but fairly recently. I feel sorry for those of you who end up with so much extra unnecessary laundry every [day/week/month/year] - wherever you fall on that debate about how often to wash your bedclothes.
posted by lollusc at 3:10 AM on April 4, 2016 [5 favorites]

Afterpants.

Oh my god, you guys. There has not been anywhere else on the internet so far where I got to marvel about this, so I'm taking it here: I had a houseguest recently, who is a colleague, and someone I have never spent time outside of work with before, and he went afterpants in my house. Without even asking or commenting. Just walked in the door and stripped to his boxers.

Those of you who come down on the afterpants side of the divide: that's only at your own house, right? Surely?
posted by lollusc at 3:12 AM on April 4, 2016 [85 favorites]

WHAT BUT HOW DID YOU TALK TO HIM THEN WHAT THE
posted by billiebee at 3:17 AM on April 4, 2016 [27 favorites]

I just pretended it wasn't happening. For three whole days.
posted by lollusc at 3:49 AM on April 4, 2016 [60 favorites]

I feel like we need to have an afterpants/shoes-on-off discussion. Are there any of the shoes-on people who are also pro-afterpants? Because that's a hilarious image.
posted by vernondalhart at 4:24 AM on April 4, 2016 [9 favorites]

I had a houseguest recently, who is a colleague, and someone I have never spent time outside of work with before, and he went afterpants in my house.

This guy is a future glimpse of the toddlers in the Afterpants Family mentioned above. No idea that this isn't just what Everybody Does. As confused by the situation as lollusc was, except he couldn't figure out why lollusc wasn't taking their pants off.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 4:26 AM on April 4, 2016 [18 favorites]

Oh my god, you guys. There has not been anywhere else on the internet so far where I got to marvel about this, so I'm taking it here: I had a houseguest recently, who is a colleague, and someone I have never spent time outside of work with before, and he went afterpants in my house. Without even asking or commenting. Just walked in the door and stripped to his boxers.

Houseguest as in afternoon visitor, or houseguest as in sleeping in your guest bedroom? Because I'd be weirded out if an afternoon visitor stripped down, but I've had a few multiple-day guests walk around in their underwear before, so it is obviously a Thing. I don't do the no-pants thing myself, but I guess they take the "my house is your house" welcome literally and were making themselves comfortable in the way that is important to them.

Personally I'd be horrifyingly uncomfortable being the only person in the room wearing only underwear (I mean, I've literally had nightmares about this), but as we have both seen not everyone feels that way. And as long as it is relatively full-coverage underwear and looks clean, I can't think of a way to really object. But I'll still be keeping my pants on.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:30 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

I dunno. I have a couple of colleagues I also consider friends, and I would be weirded out if they went afterpants at my house without even saying anything about it, or asking if it was okay.
posted by rtha at 5:42 AM on April 4, 2016

"Afterpants" are pajama bottoms. Giving it a fancy name doesn't change that these people are walking around -- are attempting conversation, even making eye contact! -- in naught but their unmentionables.
posted by The corpse in the library at 5:46 AM on April 4, 2016 [6 favorites]

The duvet & sheet question is interesting. Many years ago, I visited the Soviet Union, and all the hotel beds were made up with a fitted sheet, and then a blanket that was inside a sort of bag made out of sheet material. The bag would have some kind of large opening in it, shaped like a diamond or a circle, through which you could see the pattern of the blanket. I loved it, because you couldn't end up with your sheet squished down to the foot of the bed. I've always regretted not buying a set to bring home.
posted by not that girl at 5:56 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

I find all these debates bewildering. From now on I'm just going to hide in my house and not let anybody see me do anything. (Just in time for the Recluse-You're-Doing-It-Wrong thread.)
posted by JanetLand at 5:57 AM on April 4, 2016 [8 favorites]

I think after pants are the equivalent of removing one's bra as soon as one steps through the door. As such, I'm all in favour of it so long as said pants remover is wearing a very long shirt.
posted by h00py at 6:03 AM on April 4, 2016

Can I piggy-back here? I have a tangentially-related question that may not be different enough for a MeTa. I'm trying to track down a blue post from awhile back that may have been a Reddit link, and it was more "why am I weird" rather than "why are you weird".

It was a big thread of answers to very specific questions, many of them body-related. Things like "why do I see 'noise' like TV snow overlaid on my vision in the dark?" I'm about 90% sure I favorited it but can't find it.
posted by middleclasstool at 6:03 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

why bother - does anyone actually change their mind about it?

I think with the nerd crowd there is often a sense of "I'd like to understand general social rules so that I can move through life with a minimum of hassle and/or not offend people who I generally think are ok." I feel sometimes like 75% of AskMe Human Relations questions are these sorts of things. So people learn some general etiquette and whatnot and it helps them get along with people who are not nerds, or who are different sorts of nerds. So trying to appear friendly and saying please and thank you can help you get through the world, for example.

Where it gets interesting is when nerd worlds collide and there's no clear agreement or when mores have shifted. "Who pays for a date?" for example, used to be simple and now it's more complex. With something like butt wiping, who cares, but with something like "shoes on/off" or "money at weddings" these are etiquette performances and so for people who just like to know The Rules, it's a quagmire and, ergo, interesting.

While I was typing this I remembered and then promptly forgot one other example of this. I'm not sure if "Is there only one proper way to load the dishwasher?" is one of these, but it's always felt to me like it was. And there's clearly a divide in the general "What has germs/dirt/filth?" topic that informs a lot of other splits. And I was surprised that some people can just choose not to fart.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 6:11 AM on April 4, 2016 [5 favorites]

Why would anyone choose not to fart?
posted by bondcliff at 6:23 AM on April 4, 2016 [14 favorites]

Do "abilities" fall under the heading of "practices?" If so, one that I asked a long time ago that was semi-divisive: Can you voluntarily retract your own testicles?
posted by saladin at 6:27 AM on April 4, 2016

I had no idea that so many people were sitting around not wearing pants. Jesus god, don't you worry about fire or burglars...or....or....the FBI spying on you or something? Every time we talk about one of these things, I feel like I have plumbed the depths of human, well, maybe not actual depravity, and then there's a new one and my mind reels again. How do you feel relaxed and secure in life knowing that you have no pants?
posted by Frowner at 6:33 AM on April 4, 2016 [12 favorites]

Every time we talk about one of these things, I feel like I have plumbed the depths of human, well, maybe not actual depravity, and then there's a new one and my mind reels again.

Never mind the pants, I'm still trying to get past the idea that some people don't use a top sheet.
posted by zarq at 6:44 AM on April 4, 2016 [9 favorites]

Mr Butt-Trumpet

Wait, wha-
...
On second thought, I really don't want to know.
posted by zarq at 6:47 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

How do you feel relaxed and secure in life knowing that you have no pants?

pffffft why worry about my pimply thighs when it's possible the FBI's seen my AO3 history
posted by barchan at 6:48 AM on April 4, 2016 [34 favorites]

Wait, wha-
...
On second thought, I really don't want to know

Don't worry, I'm only giving him his proper title.
posted by billiebee at 6:53 AM on April 4, 2016

People who insist on wearing real-live pants in the comfort of their own home make me sad. Jammie pants (or summertime boxers) are so comfy! Plus I wouldn't want to wear them when I'm actually sleeping, so if I don't wear them during waking hours in my home they'd never get worn. Come to think of it - DO other people actually use their pajama pants for sleeping?

For another potential contribution to the list, how about the New York New York, or New York New York thread?
posted by DingoMutt at 6:55 AM on April 4, 2016 [4 favorites]

This is well-timed because just yesterday I thought to myself I should try using a top sheet again, even though something like 99.9999% of nights I sleep with a top sheet I end up with it tied in knots on the floor but this morning I woke up with the top sheet still covering me. So weird but sort of exciting, it felt like I was in a hotel.

DingoMutt, I use pyjama pants for sleeping when (a) I am not sleeping at home or (b) I have a visitor or (c) I have my period or (d) it's really, really, really cold (below -30).
posted by jeather at 6:58 AM on April 4, 2016

Jesus god, don't you worry about fire or burglars...or....or....the FBI spying on you or something?

Oh that reminds me of one of them.... closing the bathroom door. Always, sometimes, never, only when pooping. Now to find the related AskMe.

And all of these have meta levels as well because there's not just whether or not you do the thing but also whether you think the person who does NOT do the thing is weird/wrong/crazed/abnormal/dangerous or should see a doctor. I had to argue with someone in AskMe who thought I had a dangerous medical condition because I didn't fart like they did.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 7:00 AM on April 4, 2016 [11 favorites]

Jammie pants (or summertime boxers) are so comfy!

I don't mean to relitigate the matter of the pants, but my ordinary pants are comfortable. The solution to this is to wear better pants, not to run the risk of having to leave the house in an emergency improperly dressed. Anything could happen! You could find yourself fleeing the city clad only in drawstring flannel!

What is worse, perhaps people I know in real life have been spending their free time at home pantsless all along.
posted by Frowner at 7:01 AM on April 4, 2016 [14 favorites]

Come to think of it - DO other people actually use their pajama pants for sleeping?

Yes. Or shorts.
posted by zarq at 7:02 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Anything could happen! You could find yourself fleeing the city clad only in drawstring flannel!

Well, see, if there is an emergency so dire that it's forced me to flee the city before I could even grab a pair of "public" pants to put on in quieter times, things are obviously pretty darned bad. As the world falls down, I would at least like to enjoy the whimsical designs and soft, fuzzy caress of my jammy pants.
posted by DingoMutt at 7:12 AM on April 4, 2016 [37 favorites]

As the world falls down, I would at least like to enjoy the whimsical designs and soft, fuzzy caress of my jammy pants.

Believe this if you like. As we huddle together under the [rain of alien artillery? lava? white phosphorus? tiny Donald Trump clones?] I will try not to say "I told you so" while I sit there in comparative dignity.
posted by Frowner at 7:19 AM on April 4, 2016 [27 favorites]

My apartment can get hot in summers and sometimes my roommates go away for extended periods. So....I often blow right past "after pants " and land in "after CLOTHES", and am hangin' 'round all nekkid.

don't knock it till you've tried it and just keep something by the door you can throw on quick in an emergency
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:28 AM on April 4, 2016 [9 favorites]

Trick question: What if the emergency is the "Down with Pants Uprising" I'm always threatening to start (the only thing stopping me is that I can take them off whenever I get home)?
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:30 AM on April 4, 2016 [4 favorites]

Are there any of the shoes-on people who are also pro-afterpants?

I have to admit I'm pretty guilty of this. While we are supposedly a no shoes household, we have a filthy dog who has her own dog door which pretty much negates the reasons behind not wearing shoes. Annnnnd since I wear mostly minimalist shoes and not tight pants, annnnnnnnnd since I take of my pants/shorts/skirt the second I walk in the door of my own home, it's not unusual for me to be running around in my undies and sneakers/tevas because I'm so relieved by the taking off pants part I forget to remove my shoes.

It's not a conscious choice, it just happens. Yeah, it's a little weird. But the only other person who has to care finds it hilarious, so it's okay.
posted by barchan at 7:30 AM on April 4, 2016 [10 favorites]

Trick question: What if the emergency is the "Down with Pants Uprising" I'm always threatening to start (the only thing stopping me is that I can take them off whenever I get home)?

Better to die in pants than to live in afterpants, that's all I'm saying.
posted by Frowner at 7:32 AM on April 4, 2016 [17 favorites]

Okay, but are yoga pants considered to be pants enough to retain my dignity in this hypothetical emergency? I mean, "pants" is right there in the name....

Come to think of it, "pajama pants" also has "pants" right in the name.
posted by cooker girl at 7:39 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Dignity is very very relative. I was fortunate enough to go through the "Was in car accident, went to hospital, was not wearing underwear, things turned out okay" rite of passage early enough that I've been blessed with a healthy amount of not giving a shit about what people think about my fashion choices during the apocalypse. I may take a little TOO much pleasure in some of this actually. Telling someone I shower in my house with the door open (bathroom door, apartment front door, all the doors) and enjoying their eye twitches. Helps me get perspective of some of my own IWOULDNEVERs tbh.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 7:49 AM on April 4, 2016 [18 favorites]

I feel like this is how Neal Stephenson's Reamde is set in motion, through a cultural/political schism based on one of these disagreements that spreads through the web.
posted by Fizz at 7:50 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

My life is sort of an exercise in indignity anyway (in a fun way, I'm not complaining) - so hey, I figure I may as well be comfy ...
posted by DingoMutt at 7:57 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

On a more serious note, for me personally, as a fat and gender-non-conforming queer person, I really get anxious about appearing in public in anything less than full regalia - I feel like I'm always about one inch away from being treated with total contempt anyway, so the mere thought of Not Having Pants is really anxiety-provoking.

I mean, in all seriousness, I don't actually care whether people wear pants at home or not, but it does surprise me that so many people feel so at ease.
posted by Frowner at 7:58 AM on April 4, 2016 [10 favorites]

I also don't actually care whether people wear hats indoors.
posted by Frowner at 7:59 AM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

Jesus Jessamyn, who are you?! (said with a smile)
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:02 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Oh that reminds me of one of them.... closing the bathroom door. Always, sometimes, never, only when pooping. Now to find the related AskMe.

This almost certainly says more about my childhood than anything else but I closed the bathroom door even when I lived alone.
posted by beerperson at 8:02 AM on April 4, 2016 [5 favorites]

I was pro-afterpants in the original thread. One of the small interesting (and maybe symbolic) things about becoming a SAHM is the end of Afterpants. On the one hand I can be pretty comfortably dressed all day; on the other, there's no "after" for me anymore.
posted by that's how you get ants at 8:04 AM on April 4, 2016

Shower with bathroom door open, fine (otherwise I get a Very Loud chorus), but the FRONT door?

Also part of the joy of pyjama pants (includes yoga pants) is that they are comfortable AND cheap, unlike my regular pants which are comfortable but not cheap.
posted by jeather at 8:05 AM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

Okay, I've now changed my stance from "anti-pants" to "pro-pants-choice" (which I guess is really what it was all along).
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:13 AM on April 4, 2016 [6 favorites]

A lot of anti-pants-choice people are single-issue voters. They also refer to it as 'pro-legs' which really muddies the waters in political discussions.
posted by beerperson at 8:16 AM on April 4, 2016 [11 favorites]

Believe this if you like. As we huddle together under the [rain of alien artillery? lava? white phosphorus? tiny Donald Trump clones?] I will try not to say "I told you so" while I sit there in comparative dignity.

When I get home I immediately change into a tactical tuxedo over body armor, so once we are in the trenches you will look comparatively just as barbaric and unsophisticated as Mr. Battle Jammies.

I'll try to remember to pack some wheatstalks in my go-bag for you to chew on.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:25 AM on April 4, 2016 [12 favorites]

When I get home I immediately change into a tactical tuxedo over body armor

I thought you'd be out in space, honestly. Or is this some kind of Ancillary Justice/Use of Weapons crossover and you are trapped in a puny human body?
posted by Frowner at 8:38 AM on April 4, 2016 [4 favorites]

Frowner: "How do you feel relaxed and secure in life knowing that you have no pants?"

My house coat is located in such a way I have to pass it to exit the house by either the front or back door.

jessamyn: "Telling someone I shower in my house with the door open (bathroom door, apartment front door, all the doors) and enjoying their eye twitches."

Once it gets warm I do this too. It's glorious (the door open thing not the telling other people for the enjoyment of eye twitching).
posted by Mitheral at 8:41 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

I was never into afterpants before I moved in with my partner, who is extremely pro afterpant. I've since been converted, because it's hot out and someone keeps cranking down the a/c and fuck the police, I can lounge around in boxers in my own home if I want. I have even been known to wander around outside clad only in boxers and t shirt, which are way cheaper than lady shorts.

(I do wear normal underwear underneath, though, I'm not an animal.)
posted by sciatrix at 8:56 AM on April 4, 2016 [3 favorites]

This thread has given me joy. Thank you!
posted by anotherpanacea at 9:04 AM on April 4, 2016 [8 favorites]

If the eggs have been washed, you need to refrigerate them. If my husband is gone, I pee with the door open and the cat gives me a weird look. I've been sleeping just-a-comforter for years and I don't share the comforter with my husband since we are both admitted blanket stealers. At hotels, we have to divvy up the bedding. He uses so many pillows! He often keeps his winter hat on indoors and I tease him about it.

To really find these things, you have to live alone until you are 30 and then move in with someone and see where you disagree. Be nice about it since there is rarely a right answer.
posted by soelo at 9:08 AM on April 4, 2016 [6 favorites]

Underwear beneath pajamas y/n
posted by Shepherd at 9:19 AM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

nothing better than coming home from work and immediately losing the pants. usually followed by a nice, relaxing open-door poop.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 9:26 AM on April 4, 2016 [6 favorites]

Me and my two kids are big afterpants....love the term!!! We always end up lounging on beds, snuggling or reading and I don't want school clothes on the beds. My daughter and I have lots of PJ pants, sweats or "homeshorts" that we put on...super comfy and soft....My son usually just wears his undies or puts on some soft shorts. If we leave the house again, it takes two seconds to throw our clothes back on. We usually don't worry about closing doors but I'm big that everyone respect the other's privacy.... and the dogs push everyone's doors open anyway as they go around to check on everyone. You have to ask before you take food from someone's plate.....always observe proper table manners, you can go anywhere if you have good manners...we use top sheets. Great thread!!
posted by pearlybob at 9:31 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

> I don't want school clothes on the beds

Well, there's a whole 'nother thread waiting to happen. Maybe two!
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:41 AM on April 4, 2016 [4 favorites]

The whole after-pants thing was initially somewhat jarring to me as pants means underwear here, but I am in fact on Team Afterpants. Soon as I get home shoes off, bra off, jammie bottoms on. I sleep in them if it's cold, and it's duvet no top sheet because that's how I was brung up. Toilet door closed at all times for the love of God, rinse dishes before and after hand washing (my kingdom for a dishwasher) and it's Guess all the way, baby.
posted by billiebee at 9:44 AM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

I'll explain.....my daughter is a teen who lounges ALL OVER the floor of the orchestra room and the Drama room.....I'm not a HUGE germaphobe but, that's just gross. My son is eight and comes home from school with Ga red clay and paint on his clothes almost every day. It's just better if we all wash hands with hot water when we get home for the day....and put on our home shorts.
posted by pearlybob at 9:46 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Sheets tucked or untucked? Excellent use of the sadly neglected "barbaric" and "normalhumanbehavior" tags.
posted by drlith at 9:48 AM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

Once it gets warm I do this too [showering with doors open]. It's glorious (the door open thing not the telling other people for the enjoyment of eye twitching).

I used to love showering in the open air when I worked at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival.
posted by not that girl at 9:57 AM on April 4, 2016

My work clothes are too expensive to keep on after I get home, when I'm hanging out with my big stupid dogs and doing chores and cooking and lounging - and they're plus-sized clothes, which means they're absurdly delicate and pants in particular are ill-fitting. I work from home 90% of the time and wear a uniform of good-quality black or gray capri leggings (or heavier black or gray flannel pants in winter) and t-shirts of varying sleeve lengths, with a shelf tank or my beloved Torrid bralettes to keep things under control.

It's an outfit I'm comfortable answering the door/getting the mail in, or going to the gym, which is good enough for earthquakes when I might end up living and sleeping in the same outfit for days. And honestly, yes, I'd be comfortable in that outfit at night or in the mornings as a houseguest.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:00 AM on April 4, 2016 [4 favorites]

I've noticed that the subject of throwing away dog poop in other peoples' garbage cans is QUITE polarizing.
posted by redsparkler at 10:01 AM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

At 45 years of age, this is the first I am hearing of this "afterpants" phenomenon. I can assure you that this was never practiced in my household.

Sheets tucked.
posted by Sophie1 at 10:11 AM on April 4, 2016

Double spacing after periods, was that a thing? I remember it being a fight somewhere but can't recall where.

Me either, but I can tell you that after three decades of touch typing, I have successfully transitioned to single space after period typing. It was surprisingly easy. I don't know why I felt the need to tell y'all, but there it is.

The only time I foresee this being a problem is if I write something in TeX, which, IIRC, uses double-space-after-period as part of its "Oh, this is the end of a sentence, better apply magic sentence ending sauce to the algorithm". Other than that, I should be fine.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 10:14 AM on April 4, 2016

The solution to this is to wear better pants, not to run the risk of having to leave the house in an emergency improperly dressed. Anything could happen! You could find yourself fleeing the city clad only in drawstring flannel!

In re this: my husband refuses to sleep in the nude because during the North Ridge earthquake, he had to run outside and he almost couldn't find his bathrobe before he had to flee. So, yeah.
posted by holborne at 10:20 AM on April 4, 2016 [3 favorites]

i'm curious about correlations. do the afterpants have the extra sheet and double spaces? sounds logical to me.
posted by andrewcooke at 10:21 AM on April 4, 2016

redsparkler: "I've noticed that the subject of throwing away dog poop in other peoples' garbage cans is QUITE polarizing."

Are we doing polarizing as well as shocking? Because this thread on grocery cart queuing was amazingly vitriolic for such a low stakes issue. Also, Metafilter used to be a much meaner place.
posted by Mitheral at 10:27 AM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

I used to love showering in the open air

This is why my Dream Home consists of 2 things: a giant library and an outside shower like this or this.
posted by barchan at 10:43 AM on April 4, 2016 [3 favorites]

Should I ask if I can pee in someone else's shower, or should I guess?
posted by naju at 10:43 AM on April 4, 2016 [4 favorites]

You can pee in my shower anytime.
posted by beerperson at 10:48 AM on April 4, 2016 [5 favorites]

i'm curious about correlations. do the afterpants have the extra sheet and double spaces? sounds logical to me.

Afterpantser (more accurately: comfypantser), no top sheet, one space.
posted by cooker girl at 10:57 AM on April 4, 2016

I live alone, and this thread is making me realize that I'm mostly in "have to stay decent" mode even when I'm entirely by myself. Comfy pajamas, definitely, but not just lounging around in boxers. Sleeping in pajamas too. Closing the door to the bathroom most of the time, even when I'm just using the sink. And certainly peeing only in the toilet designated for peeing. I feel so square.
posted by naju at 11:11 AM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

What is the other toilet designated for?
posted by beerperson at 11:16 AM on April 4, 2016 [4 favorites]

That's my thinkin' toilet.
posted by naju at 11:21 AM on April 4, 2016 [30 favorites]

thinkin' toilet
posted by beerperson at 11:22 AM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

Out of curiosity, as a result of that wiping thread, I tried the sitting down wiping technique and it was a disaster that I won't discuss.

Half of you people are crazy and I suspect sort of poopy.
posted by maxsparber at 11:22 AM on April 4, 2016 [3 favorites]

Should I ask if I can pee in someone else's shower, or should I guess?

There was some debate in Ask about peeing in the sink.
posted by Melismata at 11:36 AM on April 4, 2016

The Great Post-Coital Cleaning Debate of 2013.

Never forget.
posted by Mayor West at 11:48 AM on April 4, 2016 [15 favorites]

I feel sorry for those of you who end up with so much extra unnecessary laundry

One more sheet isn't really extra laundry. I mean, I throw the top sheet in the same load as the bottom sheet... And I don't have to change my duvet cover every time I change sheets, because it's protected by a sheet. Changing the duvet cover is more work than changing sheets, so I'd argue that it's actually the "no top sheet" people who are taking on an extra burden!
posted by primethyme at 12:18 PM on April 4, 2016 [9 favorites]

The Great Post-Coital Cleaning Debate of 2013.

I am to this day unable to see the title 'Penis Beaker' without somehow reading it at 'Penis Breaker' and Sigmund Freud thinks it is hilarious
posted by beerperson at 12:21 PM on April 4, 2016 [3 favorites]

Two small incidents which had an impact on my perspective vis. dignity and attire:

1. When I was twelve I had a ratty pair of "moccasins" that I used as slippers around the house; tan leather with some dippy design in beads on the toe. They had a proper sole, though, and I was only using them as slippers because by that point they were pretty beat-up. Usually I wore them around the house in winter, and they usually lived by the front door so that I could change out of my wet shoes when coming home after school, and then into boots on my way to school in the morning again. One day, though, I was in the middle of French class - the penultimate class in my schedule - and I was bored and happened to glance down at my feet - and saw my moccasins. Which meant, I realized with horror, that I'd been wearing them all day.

And after a split second of panic I realized that I'd gone through nearly the whole day wearing them and not only had I not noticed, but no one else really had either.

My attitude about shoes changed somewhat dramatically after that. (Which was good, because I got freakishly skinny feet and shoe shopping is a bitch-kitty of a process.)

2. At about that same time, I once read a Dear Abby column in which someone wrote in saying that they just plain found it easier to do their housecleaning naked; they didn't have to worry about getting their clothes wet or dirty, etc. Also she was always the only one around when she was cleaning house. But she'd mentioned this in passing to her sister who told her it was weird. So she was asking: was it indeed weird to clean house naked? And Abby responded that if she was the only one around while she was cleaning house, then she could wear whatever the hell she wanted - "you could wear a raccoon coat if that's what you felt like".

....I actually intentionally purchased a Hyperbole-and-a-half Clean all the things shirt for my housecleaning uniform.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:27 PM on April 4, 2016 [12 favorites]

In my memory, I'm not sure the Penis Beaker thread was a debate as much as it was a near unanimous agreement that "nearly any other solution other than a bedside penis beaker" was the correct answer.

I love saying penis beaker.

penis beaker penis beaker penis beaker penis beaker
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:29 PM on April 4, 2016 [11 favorites]

In my memory, I'm not sure the Penis Beaker thread was a debate as much as it was a near unanimous agreement that "nearly any other solution other than a bedside penis beaker" was the correct answer.

I walked away from that thread with a handy new turn of phrase, "slaughter all the orphans or buy them all ice cream," which I now use at work whenever a myopic project manager gets all false-dichotomy on me.
posted by Mayor West at 12:36 PM on April 4, 2016 [11 favorites]

What's everyone's take on donning a full hazmat suit when cooking bacon on the stove? I mean, those teensy oil drops hurt like a mofo.
posted by cooker girl at 12:38 PM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

penis beaker penis beaker penis beaker penis beaker

owwwwwwww
posted by beerperson at 12:39 PM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

How do you pronounce MeFi?
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 12:43 PM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

Tines up or tines down
posted by susiswimmer at 1:18 PM on April 4, 2016

And I am also after pants. And after shirt. And after all things except panties. Society can make me wear clothes in exchange for a paycheck, but that arrangement stops at my front door.

One of my good friends and I went to the earthquake exhibit at Cal Academy a few years ago, and were fascinated by the photos of everyone in full dress. We thought if there's a big one any time soon, we're likely to be out there in panties and jogging shoes. Because broken glass. Sock sock shoe shoe of course though.
posted by susiswimmer at 1:24 PM on April 4, 2016 [8 favorites]

Is Pizza a Sandwich?
posted by zarq at 1:44 PM on April 4, 2016

The Great Post-Coital Cleaning Debate of 2013.

*sniffle*

That was the day I got thrown off of elizardbits' nobel research committee. :(

Had to turn in my clipboard and lab coat and everything.
posted by zarq at 1:52 PM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

Is Pizza a Sandwich?
Is a burrito a sandwich?
I don't know, but a Fig Newton is clearly a burrito.
posted by soelo at 2:03 PM on April 4, 2016 [6 favorites]

Don't do it, don't do it, do not help the space aliens learn that normal is entirely subjective. They might stop wearing their human skins, make up, and high fashion shoes, hair extensions, long fingernails, lumberjack beards, flannel shirts, prissy little boots, scary long super heroine boots, and whatever else their disguises comprise. Make them work for it guys!
posted by Oyéah at 2:16 PM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

I got so angry at an episode of New Girl the other day featuring Megan Fox in an apartment with no air conditioning, wearing a shirt, Jean shorts, and some sort of high heeled suede ankle boots. Now someone is telling me there are apparently humans who would do this?

Not in New York. Hell, some apartments I've had I'd blow past removal of all clothing and be looking into removing actual body parts so I could insert ice into my chest cavity.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:17 PM on April 4, 2016 [6 favorites]

New Girl is set in LA where humidity remains a disturbing fairy tale
posted by beerperson at 2:30 PM on April 4, 2016 [6 favorites]

You people simultaneously disgust and delight me.

As to that most important question of MeFi pronunciation - correctly, of course. I'm not a barbarian, after all.
posted by dg at 2:42 PM on April 4, 2016

What's everyone's take on donning a full hazmat suit when cooking bacon on the stove? I mean, those teensy oil drops hurt like a mofo.
posted by cooker girl at 12:38 PM on April 4 [+] [!]

Line baking sheet with foil, add bacon, put in cold oven. Turn oven on at 400 degrees, check after 17-20 minutes.
posted by moira at 3:26 PM on April 4, 2016 [10 favorites]

Is Pizza a Sandwich?
Is a burrito a sandwich?

We've danced this dance many a time and I think at this point I have pretty much conclusively proved that everything is a sandwich, thank-yooou
posted by prize bull octorok at 3:37 PM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Wait...there are people who don't use a top sheet? WTF people?! I thought we had progressed further as a species.
posted by MikeMc at 6:01 PM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

Top sheets are ridiculously annoying and unnecessary. I've only been using one lately because I bought a nubbly blanket that leaves indentations on my skin that make me itchy.

I've also been sleeping on top of a top sheet, though, because I'm a barbarian.
posted by limeonaire at 6:07 PM on April 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

There was a heated debate on whether to pass or overtake cars in the "slow lane" here.
posted by Metro Gnome at 6:23 PM on April 4, 2016

I had no idea that so many people were sitting around not wearing pants. Jesus god, don't you worry about fire or burglars...or....or....the FBI spying on you or something? Every time we talk about one of these things, I feel like I have plumbed the depths of human, well, maybe not actual depravity, and then there's a new one and my mind reels again. How do you feel relaxed and secure in life knowing that you have no pants?

Earlier today I was surprised by the police banging on my door. Turns out they just had the wrong address, but that was a moment where I was quite happy to have been wearing pants and I'm not sure they would have been ok with the extra time to find and put on pants before answering the door.

Telling someone I shower in my house with the door open (bathroom door, apartment front door, all the doors) and enjoying their eye twitches. Helps me get perspective of some of my own IWOULDNEVERs tbh.

I don't care if the bathroom door is open or shut, and I have happily bathed outdoors and in front of people many times. But for whatever nonsensical reason, I would not be willing to take a shower with the front door wide open, even though I'd have no problem taking that same shower in the back yard.
posted by Dip Flash at 9:05 PM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'm sitting here in my housepants still judging all of you sadsacks who aren't evolved enough to have outdoor and indoor pants. HOUSEPANTS. GET WITH IT. So cozy, so comfy. You can even run to the deli in them, if you're not ashamed. "Housepants do-d'-doo do do doo do" —sung to the tune of the J. Geils Band's Freeze Frame.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 9:08 PM on April 4, 2016 [9 favorites]

Many years ago, after noticing how comfortable it was in a hotel, we started using 2 bottom sheets and 2 top sheets. I don’t know the science behind it, but it is luxurious. We used duvets and fluffy comforters for a while since it was trendy, but realized a couple years back that quilts and matelassé’s are so much more comfortable and warm and banished the fluffy things.

That’s right, 4 sheets. Deal with it.
posted by bongo_x at 9:35 PM on April 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Should I ask if I can pee in someone else's shower, or should I guess?

Just do it.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:56 PM on April 4, 2016

I just switched from top sheet to duvet, motivated in part by claims from pro-duvet Mefites; and not waking up with the sheet twisted around me like an anaconda is pure heaven. I'm never going back!
posted by ottereroticist at 11:50 PM on April 4, 2016 [5 favorites]

Never mind the pants, I'm still trying to get past the idea that some people don't use a top sheet.

It's been 11 years since that thread and I still haven't recovered from the shock. I can't figure out what the Brits do when it get hot in the middle of the night and you just want a sheet on top of you. Or does it never got hot there?
posted by octothorpe at 4:09 AM on April 5, 2016 [2 favorites]

Oh, and how could I forget the great deviled egg debate? Wherein The World Famous issued one of the great mic drop answers of all time. Or the quiche taxonomy kerfuffle from two years later.
posted by Mayor West at 5:12 AM on April 5, 2016 [2 favorites]

It's been 11 years since that thread and I still haven't recovered from the shock. I can't figure out what the Brits do when it get hot in the middle of the night and you just want a sheet on top of you. Or does it never got hot there?

Push the duvet off from a portion of my body? If it's the summer and it's that hot, sometimes we will swap the duvet for just a sheet. That is rare though. Usually just pushing the duvet off a bit and/or having the window open cools me down enough.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 5:24 AM on April 5, 2016

In London, the summer average daytime high is in the mid seventies. In Birmingham, the hottest temperatures are in July and they top out in the mid-sixties. In Brighton, which as I understand from Jane Austen was supposed to be all fun and stuff, the summer highs average in the mid-sixties.

If I lived somewhere that rarely got hotter than 65, I too would use a duvet year round.

If there were one thing I could fix about metafilter (assuming that larger ethical issues were off the table) it would be to convince everyone that because different regions have different weather, different habits are appropriate and feasible in different places.

I think that the single most frustrating interaction I've had on metafilter (that wasn't, like, about misogyny or transphobia) was when I tried to convince someone who lived either in the UK or in northern Europe that large parts of the US got really hot in the summer, and that was why houses through much of the US were air conditioned - not sloth, greed and general American awfulness. But this fellow - well, he never felt very hot in the summer, so why should we?
posted by Frowner at 6:21 AM on April 5, 2016 [17 favorites]

But this fellow - well, he never felt very hot in the summer, so why should we?

Yes, this. We were in London in the summer of 2009, when there was a heat wave. I think it got up into the low 80's (F)? Maybe mid-80s. And it was really pleasant for us, who live in the Midwest where summer temps regularly hit high 90s; add in the humidity and a crappy summer day can feel like 105F. That's really fucking hot and miserable.

And in this day and age, really, seriously...does anyone have to have first-hand accounts? I mean, there's this thing called the internet where one can learn all about different parts of the world, including how different they are to where one is currently living!

I still retain the option to judge no-pants-at-home people. (I kid, I kid!)
posted by cooker girl at 6:42 AM on April 5, 2016

Line baking sheet with foil, add bacon, put in cold oven. Turn oven on at 400 degrees, check after 17-20 minutes.

YOU DON'T PRE-HEAT YOUR OVEN?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:30 AM on April 5, 2016 [7 favorites]

I'm pretty sure the idea is that the low heat at the beginning renders the fat out of the bacon without burning it, then by the time that's done, the higher heat crisps and browns the meat.
posted by Gygesringtone at 9:40 AM on April 5, 2016 [6 favorites]

"Would this one count: Is cereal soup?"

No, because cereal isn't soup, and only a few intentionally eccentrics disagreed. That's a question that can be reasoned out — a lot of the other ones, even bizarre options like sock-shoe-sock-shoe, come down to preference.

"I really get anxious about appearing in public in anything less than full regalia"

I would like to believe that this is full, Emperor Norton-style regalia — epaulets, baton, shako, cape, maybe huge Sun Ra robes. My mental picture of MeFites is often more extravagant than their actual appearance.
posted by klangklangston at 10:13 AM on April 5, 2016 [6 favorites]

About the duvet again, because this is surprisingly irritating to me:

If you live in the UK or in northern Europe, your average summer daytime highs are below the temperature to which Americans generally air condition their houses overnight. In London, the July average high during the day is 19C/67F. If I am really splashing out, I might set my air conditioner to 68F overnight - but I am more likely to set it to 70 or 72. And I feel too hot easily, so I am a bit profligate with the AC - I know plenty of people who set it at 74 or so.

So if you imagine Americans in average or warm regions sleeping under duvets in the summer, you must imagine the equivalent of staying under the duvet during the hottest part of your day, plus a few degrees. This is why many of us involve sheets in the process, because it is just too hot for even the tiniest corner of duvet.
posted by Frowner at 10:43 AM on April 5, 2016 [8 favorites]

I'm pretty sure the idea is that the low heat at the beginning renders the fat out of the bacon without burning it, then by the time that's done, the higher heat crisps and browns the meat.

The bacon will render its fat as it heats up, regardless of the starting temperature of the oven- it will just do it faster in a pre-heated oven. Lard has a very low melting point.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:45 AM on April 5, 2016

No, because cereal isn't soup, and only a few intentionally eccentrics disagreed.

But cereal is, technically, a burrito.
posted by beerperson at 10:53 AM on April 5, 2016 [7 favorites]

cereal is a wet milk sandwich.
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:10 AM on April 5, 2016 [9 favorites]

Cereal is a grain pie in a milk crust.
posted by jeather at 11:20 AM on April 5, 2016 [4 favorites]

I feel like we're watching two spies meet up at the airport.
posted by Etrigan at 11:49 AM on April 5, 2016 [31 favorites]

The magpie spoke to the teakettle, 'cereal is a burrito.'
posted by beerperson at 11:57 AM on April 5, 2016 [2 favorites]

Cereal is a parfait!
posted by soelo at 12:09 PM on April 5, 2016 [2 favorites]

I think that the single most frustrating interaction I've had on metafilter (that wasn't, like, about misogyny or transphobia) was when I tried to convince someone who lived either in the UK or in northern Europe that large parts of the US got really hot in the summer

For double fun, try convincing them that lots of those hot-summer places have winters approximating Oslo's.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:39 PM on April 5, 2016 [11 favorites]

The bacon will render its fat as it heats up, regardless of the starting temperature of the oven- it will just do it faster in a pre-heated oven. Lard has a very low melting point.

Right, and by putting it in the cold oven it'll be mostly (if not completely) done by the time the oven gets hot. So instead of having a total of preheat time and full cook time you just have preheat time and maybe a little bit of cook time.

Also, since it spends less time in a hotter oven you're less likely to get a house full of smoke from the grease.

I do the same thing on the stove top (start cool then heat up once the fat is mostly rendered) when I cook bacon.
posted by Gygesringtone at 1:35 PM on April 5, 2016 [2 favorites]

I had never read the duvet thread before today, and it's blowing my mind.
posted by aabbbiee at 1:36 PM on April 5, 2016 [1 favorite]

> Are we doing polarizing as well as shocking? Because this thread on grocery cart queuing was amazingly vitriolic for such a low stakes issue. Also, Metafilter used to be a much meaner place.

I just wanted to thank you, Mitheral, for pointing out that thread, as I now cannot stop laughing at this comment.
posted by three easy payments and one complicated payment at 2:30 PM on April 5, 2016 [11 favorites]

Are we doing polarizing as well as shocking? Because this thread on grocery cart queuing was amazingly vitriolic for such a low stakes issue. Also, Metafilter used to be a much meaner place.

Wow, that thread totally marks the line before Trader Joes came to Manhattan.
posted by Mchelly at 3:03 PM on April 5, 2016

I now cannot stop laughing at this comment.

And now neither can I.

My sister and I are pretty genetically similar (having the same parents and all) and yet our heat tolerances and sleeping-while-clothed tolerances are so radically different that whenever we get together there is usually a five or ten minute discussion "Tell me how you sleep again?" (for the record, I am in full PJs and hat (but no socks!) 11 months out of the year and under a duvet and another comforter; she is wearing a t-shirt and boxers AT MOST and is maybe sleeping under a sheet (and two cats))
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 3:45 PM on April 5, 2016 [2 favorites]

Wasn't there a thread where some people were surprised that people existed who did not have the ability to hold their farts in, and other people were surprised that people existed who COULD?
posted by matildaben at 4:11 PM on April 5, 2016 [1 favorite]

I feel like we need to have an afterpants/shoes-on-off discussion. Are there any of the shoes-on people who are also pro-afterpants? Because that's a hilarious image.

I lived with a guy like this. The house we lived in was a complete shitpile of laundry/garbage/broken stuff/empty beer cans/etc... But dear reader, he would sometimes go to the bodega with like nike superdunks on in his underwear. It also wasn't completely uncommon to find him in his room with his shoes on in his underwear playing xbox.

I'm also a strong afterpants proponent who will run to the laundry room, building garbage, etc with shoes on in my underwear.
posted by emptythought at 4:13 PM on April 5, 2016 [1 favorite]

It seriously feels like if we delve too deep asking these food categorization questions it may unravel the fabric of reality or unleash the Ancient Ones or something like that.
posted by XMLicious at 4:34 PM on April 5, 2016 [1 favorite]

she is wearing a t-shirt and boxers AT MOST and is maybe sleeping under a sheet (and two cats)

Oh, well, there's yer problem (or "problem")! Heater Cats are totally a thing, as any long-time Prairie Home Companion fan / cat owner can tell you.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:15 PM on April 5, 2016

I missed this meeting. Where did we land on hot dog = sandwich?

SO sandwich, not even an edge case
posted by prize bull octorok at 7:41 PM on April 5, 2016 [5 favorites]

I'm sitting here in my housepants still judging all of you sadsacks who aren't evolved enough to have outdoor and indoor pants. HOUSEPANTS. GET WITH IT. So cozy, so comfy.

Why not just wear comfortable pants all day? I don't feel a need to change pants because they're already comfortable...

(I guess for many people the answer is something to do with their job, in which case the answer is clearly to spend your energy changing the norms of whatever industry you are in)
posted by thefoxgod at 7:49 PM on April 5, 2016

"Tell me how you sleep again?" (for the record, I am in full PJs and hat (but no socks!) 11 months out of the year and under a duvet and another comforter

Wait, wait, didn't we decide that hats inside the house is rude? Doesn't that go double for hats inside your bed? Or does being in bed cancel it out?
posted by lollusc at 7:50 PM on April 5, 2016

So if you imagine Americans in average or warm regions sleeping under duvets in the summer, you must imagine the equivalent of staying under the duvet during the hottest part of your day, plus a few degrees. This is why many of us involve sheets in the process, because it is just too hot for even the tiniest corner of duvet.

Okay, but I still think it's a matter of habit, tradition and preference, rather than necessity. I live in Australia, it gets hot here too. (Admittedly, in the part of Australia I live in it usually cools down overnight, but on the other hand, we have terrible lack of insulation and most people have no aircon at all).

Most people I know here sleep with either a duvet, OR a top sheet. In winter, just a duvet. If it's summer, it's just a sheet. Maybe if the night is likely to cool down before dawn, you'd have the duvet on the floor at the bottom of the bed and when you get cold there will be a great enswappening of covers, but you still aren't going to make up the bed with both at the same time. Or if it's hot enough for a top sheet only, you sleep with no cover at all. (Personally I find that makes me feel weirdly vulnerable, and I can't do it.)

I'm not saying this way makes sense (and the poster upthread convinced me that actually my way creates more laundry than the other way), but I don't think the other way naturally makes more sense either.

I think it's about whether you were brought up to think of a duvet as "like a bedspread/comforter" that just happens to have a removable cover or "like a bedspread with inbuilt sheets in the form of a cover". In fact, when we switched from the English system of bottom sheet, top sheet, blanket, bedspread to duvets when I was about eight and my parents discovered them, the way this was explained to me was that a duvet was like "all those layers with sheets sewn around them".
posted by lollusc at 8:00 PM on April 5, 2016 [4 favorites]

"some people can just choose not to fart."

Yes...they call it talking instead.
posted by Oyéah at 8:38 PM on April 5, 2016 [2 favorites]

Wasn't there a thread where some people were surprised that people existed who did not have the ability to hold their farts in, and other people were surprised that people existed who COULD?

And it was genuinely educational for me. I had no idea people couldn’t stop themselves from farting and I still don’t really understand.
posted by bongo_x at 9:57 PM on April 5, 2016 [2 favorites]

Do these people who don't have the ability to hold in their farts have the ability to hold in their poops?
posted by andoatnp at 10:13 PM on April 5, 2016 [7 favorites]

It's probably because I live in a very cold portion of Canada, but I'm stunned that there are people for whom afterpants are underwear, and nothing else. Yoga pants, yoga capris, pj pants plus elderly hole-ridden t-shirts and/or sweaters, certainly. Bra removal, absolutely.

But underwear? Both chilly and undignified, plus you can't go out to grab the peke when she decides to eat something unmentionable she found under a bush in the yard.
posted by jrochest at 10:53 PM on April 5, 2016 [6 favorites]

Frowner: "How do you feel relaxed and secure in life knowing that you have no pants?"

This is a great puzzle. As You Know, Frowner, the lack of appropriate clothing was one of the driving forces behind the French Revolution. They weren't called sans culottes for nothing. If the London Missionary Society had not embarked on a massive effort to recycle used clothing (documented in The Ragged-Trousered Philanthorpists) there might have been a similar revolt in England. They adopted Handel's hymn "As Pants the Hind" as an anthem and the rest is history.
posted by Joe in Australia at 12:30 AM on April 6, 2016 [10 favorites]

Culottes were the domain of the aristocracy. The sans-culottes wore pantalons instead. That's entirely more trouser.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:17 AM on April 6, 2016 [2 favorites]

Do you picture a calendar in your head? and the sequel exposed some major differences between people, and this was the moment when I realized I have no visual imagery at all.
posted by mmoncur at 1:21 AM on April 6, 2016 [10 favorites]

oh, that's interesting. my partner drives me crazy with her inability to visualize anything. "shall we paint it this colour?" "i can't tell what it will look like til we paint it." arrrrgh!

also, seconding lollusc - it gets hot in chile, no-one normal has air conditioning, and we still don't have sheets (we do sometimes use the quilt cover empty, though....)
posted by andrewcooke at 3:16 AM on April 6, 2016

Wait. Am I the only top sheeted Australian?
posted by Trivia Newton John at 4:35 AM on April 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

my partner drives me crazy with her inability to visualize anything

I have this with maps and directions. I am known for having absolutely no sense of direction at all, I have to know a route really well and pay attention a LOT in order to not get lost. And I still get lost all the time. I realised eventually it's because the part of your brain that pictures how place A links up with place C via place B or whatever is totally blank for me, so I can never come up with alternative routes or give directions. I will walk out of a lift after two weeks in a hotel and turn the wrong way, head towards the wrong exit of the park I walk in a few times a week, and if there's a traffic diversion I generally end up following the car in front of me and hoping they're going to roughly the same place I was. But I never thought of it specifically as missing a part of visual imagery so that's interesting.
posted by billiebee at 5:13 AM on April 6, 2016 [5 favorites]

With navigation, it astounds me that there are people who have an innate sense of the cardinal directions. I once knew someone whose party trick was that you could drive him around unfamiliar streets for as long as you liked, while he had his eyes closed, and as soon as you stopped he could tell you what direction we were facing. I was always kind of suspicious of this clearly devil-bestowed power.

I can find my way around if I have distinctive features to navigate by - walking around a city is easy thanks to all the unique buildings and landmarks - and I'm fine with maps even when the proportions are weird, but any time I have to go by intuition I'm useless (malls are especially bad because all the stupid stores look the same!). For a while I could hack this by always going the opposite direction from where I "felt" I should go, but then my psyche seemed to catch on and started pointing me in the correct direction in the first place, such that I'd go the opposite direction and still get lost THANKS BRAIN
posted by DingoMutt at 5:53 AM on April 6, 2016 [3 favorites]

My son has some sort of superpower when it comes to navigation. Once, when he was maybe seven years old, my son corrected the GPS, saying "couldn't we have gone that way instead?" This was after the GPS had taken us on a ridiculous route through a part of the suburbs he'd never been to.

He doesn't know north from south, but that's a different thing. When we go on bike rides I can say "go to the trail and turn north" as many times as I want, but he probably won't get it. "Go to the trail and turn towards [the bridge that is four miles up the trail]" works, though.
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:10 AM on April 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

(malls are especially bad because all the stupid stores look the same!)

Malls are the worst because they are deliberately designed to be confusing and disorientating. You might walk in an entrance door on the north side, but it will open to the east off of a courtyard, then you have to zig zag through a Macy's women's section to get to the mall proper, and that will be in one of the two Macy's locations in the mall so when you go to leave you aren't sure which to use. The mall where I go when I need to go to the Apple store is set up with angles and skews that make things even more disorientating than when it is all rectangles, and the big open areas are subdivided such that you never have a long sightline to get your bearings.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:20 AM on April 6, 2016

Breaking up over email: kindness or cowardice.
posted by gregglind at 6:26 AM on April 6, 2016 [2 favorites]

Why not just wear comfortable pants all day?

I spend like 97% of my working life in broken-in jeans or shorts. Still not as comfortable as boxer briefs (plus sweatpants or baggy athletic shorts as needed) for lounging around the pad.

I'm stunned that there are people for whom afterpants are underwear, and nothing else

Apartment + steam heat radiators = temperature regulation in winter consists of deciding which windows to crack open how far. It's 77°F in my place right at this moment, with the window across from my couch open a couple of inches. (41°F outside.) If I was wearing pants I'd be sweating.
posted by soundguy99 at 7:09 AM on April 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

I was always kind of suspicious of this clearly devil-bestowed power.

Clearly your friend is a pigeon. Do not let them near your bus.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 7:43 AM on April 6, 2016 [23 favorites]

Wow. You people need to get more comfortable pants. I'm assuming many of you are denim-wearers. If I was a denim-wearer, I'd be pro-afterpants as well, but instead, I just stopped wearing denim when I was 19 and never looked back.
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 7:52 AM on April 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

I have The Power of being an awesome navigator. I just know which direction is North; I just need to glance at a map to know where I am; and if I have to go somewhere I've never been a quick glance at the map is all I need to get there.

This is terrible to say, but the only moment of regret I've had about marrying my husband was ten seconds on my honeymoon when I realized, quite horrified, that I had married a man who didn't know how to navigate. (What messed up priorities, eh, like as a little girl I fantasized my dream spouse would be nice, laugh often. . . and would know how to read a map.) It was the first time both of us had been to a place neither one of us had been, and when I asked where we were on the road he couldn't figure out what road we were on. (It wasn't that he couldn't navigate, it was more: ohmygod we are from such different cultural backgrounds that he never learned how to read a map ohshit this is never going to work!)

I always thought it was innate until the first time I visited a really big city and suddenly didn't know which direction was which - it took a few days before I could do it automatically. It's not innate, it's just a lifetime of exposure and observation to the point of picking up really subtle clues while not realizing I'm doing it. It was a good lesson in humility for me, because I've always been impatient when people don't know how to navigate. Everyone should be humbled by their great skills every now and then to appreciate the position of those who can't do the thing.
posted by barchan at 8:14 AM on April 6, 2016 [6 favorites]

Thank you for reminding me of the Great Penis Beaker Thread, I had forgotten it and now have laughed myself into tears again. (Is it ok to wipe your tears of mirth on the sheets? Asking for a friend.)

I cannot quite bring myself to go full afterpants either, although my best friend does and thinks nothing of opening the door. Instead, I go pajama pants / yoga pants - at the end of the day bra, jewelry & work clothes off, soft pants & giant shirt on, several giant shirts if it's cold. The end result is that in the winter I wear multiple layers of contrasting plaid flannel. But, and I can't believe I'm alone in this, I have to put on "real" clothes to get things done. Even if I'm just going to clean or answer emails, I have to change at least into yoga pants. They are apparently border pants in my head: comfy enough to sleep or lie around in, but not so soft that all tasks are clearly impossible.
posted by mygothlaundry at 8:31 AM on April 6, 2016 [3 favorites]

> Do these people who don't have the ability to hold in their farts have the ability to hold in their poops?

Surely anyone past the age of, what, four? has the ability to hold in their poops! ...Or is this another "I thought I knew what normal was, but now I'm going to learn that half of MetaFilter just walks around pooping in their afterpants" situations?
posted by languagehat at 9:05 AM on April 6, 2016 [8 favorites]

As a southern US, deeply guess-cultured sort of person I would never ask my house guests to remove shoes (though they may if they prefer), because it would seem rude* and I keep my pants (or more accurately skirts) on, lest I make any visitor houseguest, actual or potential, feel uncomfortable. And besides, I don't particularly like sitting around in pajamas. Top sheet because I wait as long as humanly possible to close the windows and turn on the a/c, which I sort of hate, but I live in a climate that requires it (again, southern), and I'm often hot when I sleep. For much of the year, my duvet is merely a functional decorative item that keeps dust and cat hair off of my sheets.
posted by thivaia at 10:27 AM on April 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

I missed the visualization thread. We had this discussion just recently. Only a few months ago did I realize that people actually saw things when they talked about things like that. What a revelation. I always assumed things like "visualize" where metaphors.
posted by bongo_x at 11:09 AM on April 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

I have a number line and a full calendar in my head and their layouts have been constant as long as I can remember. I learned here that the name for that is Number Form Synesthesia. That was also when I realized that having this number form in your head is not as common as I thought. My mental calendar is looked at sideways unless I am looking at an actual calendar.
posted by soelo at 12:37 PM on April 6, 2016 [2 favorites]

I was always kind of suspicious of this clearly devil-bestowed power

So, there's this thing called the sun...
posted by Sys Rq at 12:39 PM on April 6, 2016 [5 favorites]

afterpants - OMG. In German After is a word for anus. If I read afterpants one more time i am afraid I might have visualizations.
posted by 15L06 at 12:56 PM on April 6, 2016 [4 favorites]

i mean visions of course or do I?
posted by 15L06 at 12:56 PM on April 6, 2016

As long as you're not getting anus synesthesia, I think you're all right.
posted by DingoMutt at 12:59 PM on April 6, 2016 [2 favorites]

There was a heated debate on whether to pass or overtake cars in the "slow lane" here.

That resurrected the suppressed memory of the thread where people I had long admired for their entertaining and/or insightful posts and comments defended the practice of not pulling into the intersection for left-hand turns until they were absolutely, positively certain they could complete the turn while the light was still green.

A distressing bit of cognitive dissonance that I prefer to live without.
posted by she's not there at 1:03 PM on April 6, 2016

afterpants - OMG. In German After is a word for anus. If I read afterpants one more time i am afraid I might have visualizations.

Aren't all pants afterpants, then?
posted by Etrigan at 1:03 PM on April 6, 2016

Well, the mental image it brings up is of thongs.
posted by 15L06 at 1:28 PM on April 6, 2016

I live in a townhouse that's built up to the sidewalk and has a lot of big windows so I tend to keep my pants on in the house to keep from scaring the passersby.
posted by octothorpe at 7:38 PM on April

When I lived in Chicago I had stained glass installed in the transom windows for this exact reason.
posted by susiswimmer at 1:38 PM on April 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

I always thought the no pants thing was an internet meme-y joke in response to the flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants cliche.
posted by slogger at 1:42 PM on April 6, 2016

I hope he tells us to burn our pants - these things are driving me nuts
posted by twoporedomain at 2:01 PM on April 6, 2016

There was a thread about fashion - not sure if it was an Ask or just some comments on a regular fashion-related thread - where some people made the case that men should basically not wear shorts, ever. I recall it as quite the argument but I wasn't able to find it via search.

Look, I don't want to offend anyone or anything, but...grown-men-can't-wear-shorts people should be condemned to spend eternity on a New York City subway platform on August 1 at 2pm.

That resurrected the suppressed memory of the thread where people I had long admired for their entertaining and/or insightful posts and comments defended the practice of not pulling into the intersection for left-hand turns until they were absolutely, positively certain they could complete the turn while the light was still green.

A distressing bit of cognitive dissonance that I prefer to live without.

There is a thread about this, to which I had a similar reaction (you can read about it in the thread).
posted by breakin' the law at 2:43 PM on April 6, 2016 [2 favorites]

From that intersection thread: Just to add another datapoint, it was recently made explicitly illegal to pull into an intersection for a left turn here in Burlington, VT and is rather aggressively enforced.

This is called "fleecing Canadians," and, mark my words, it will be the cause of World War III.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:56 PM on April 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

Doesn't that go double for hats inside your bed?

Ma in her kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled down for a long winter nap...
posted by clew at 3:04 PM on April 6, 2016

Are we doing polarizing as well as shocking? Because this thread on grocery cart queuing was amazingly vitriolic for such a low stakes issue.

I almost got into a fight (A petulant wiener slappy fight still counts as a fight, right?) at a gas station because it's apparently ambiguous who is next to pay: a handsome bearded man who's actually standing in line to buy the cigarettes he needs to make this stupid world tolerable or some motherfucker in a polo shirt and combed hair who's been skulking around the beef jerky waiting for his shitty dink car to be filled.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 4:35 PM on April 6, 2016 [2 favorites]

some people made the case that men should basically not wear shorts, ever.

I have heard that out of the mouth of a MeFite, in person. I chose to ignore it.

Doesn't that go double for hats inside your bed?

I prefer to think that there is no such thing as domestic rudeness for people who live alone.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 4:52 PM on April 6, 2016 [5 favorites]

where some people made the case that men should basically not wear shorts, ever

I remember that thread too. I'm firmly on the "men should not wear shorts" side, although mostly thats "I shouldn't, and I think men who do look silly". I wouldn't like try to enforce it or walk up and tell someone they shouldn't wear them, but they look ridiculous 100% of the time (and I've lived places where it gets over 100 with high humidity, and would still never wear shorts).
posted by thefoxgod at 4:58 PM on April 6, 2016 [3 favorites]

Wait. Am I the only top sheeted Australian?
posted by Trivia Newton John at 9:05 PM on April 6

Well I use a top sheet but I'm a kiwi living in Australia. My husband's family also uses a top sheet under the duvet.

Since I moved to Australia I have started changing out of work clothes when getting home and just wearing underwear around the house. It's too hot otherwise. (this changes in winter as it gets cold where I live).

In New Zealand I'd just wear jeans or pajamas after work because it was cold and I lived with flat mates or family.
posted by poxandplague at 5:27 PM on April 6, 2016

Double spacing after periods, was that a thing? I remember it being a fight somewhere but can't recall where.

Double spacing was common for typewritten manuscripts. It still survives despite books having been written about why you shouldn't do that anymore.

(Also, don't use formatting in Word. You're not being helpful.)
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 6:33 PM on April 6, 2016 [2 favorites]

Die-hard afterpantser, not because the pants I own are themselves uncomfortable, but because I live in Hawaii and wearing any pants at all is less preferable to wearing none, or shorts. Though, I also used to vehemently believe that grown men shall not wear shorts, until I embraced the 5" inseam.

In colder climes I have no qualms about keeping my broken-in jeans on all day, though I still remove my shoes at the door, and therefore sock-sock-shoe-shoe.
posted by a halcyon day at 7:12 PM on April 6, 2016

As long as you're not getting anus synesthesia, I think you're all right.

I remember those guys, they were awful. And loud.
posted by bongo_x at 10:02 PM on April 6, 2016 [3 favorites]

t. Am I the only top sheeted Australian?
posted by Trivia Newton John at 9:05 PM on April 6
Well I use a top sheet but I'm a kiwi living in Australia. My husband's family also uses a top sheet under the duvet.
Another Kiwi in Australia here and I use a top sheet always. For about 8 months of the year, I fold the duvet back onto the end of the bed, because it's too hot for anything more. I would sleep under nothing if I could, but I'm a door open, nude sleeping father of teenage daughters, so that would just be mean.
posted by dg at 12:59 AM on April 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

I was only judging you people for spawning Mr Butt-Trumpet

Did somebody say BUTT TRUMPET?

Caution. Link may contain butts.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:11 AM on April 7, 2016 [3 favorites]

Also, "Afterpants" is even better than "Netflix pants" and i didn't think that was possible.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:13 AM on April 7, 2016

There was a lot of differing opinions on this question I asked about what linens to wash/change between house guests.
posted by kimdog at 10:22 AM on April 7, 2016

Knowing your position relative to a body of water -- which, especially in the case of oceans and lakes, can be easily discerned by the land sloping towards it -- is very, very useful.

That’s interesting. I grew up and lived in the west and always had a instinctual sense of direction where ever I was. Until I moved across the country, where I was suddenly lost all the time. It was really disconcerting. Not only that, but I found myself constantly heading south when I thought I was going north, etc. Then a friend of mine told me he had a similar experience when he moved from east to west. We had a half assed theory that we could innately tell which direction the ocean was even though we were sometimes nowhere near the ocean.

Of course there are a lot of differences like less openness in the field of view, and the fact that most places in west are on a straight grid. And getting lost in Atlanta is not unusual, it’s the norm. It’s like someone planning it had a phobia of straight streets that keep going the same direction, the anti grid.

One thing I figured out was the difference between people who find their way around by general direction vs people who follow specific directions. I think some of it is where you grew up, some of it is personal difference. In somewhere like Phoenix you would drive 3 miles north and 2 miles west, you head toward your target, it doesn’t matter which route you take. In Atlanta you take street X to street Y, go right and drive until you see the big chicken, turn left and look for where the Walmart used to be. Those are your directions, do not improvise.
posted by bongo_x at 10:43 AM on April 7, 2016

Also about directions, I think that growing up as a Plains-style Midwesterner makes you really keyed into what's happening with cardinal directions and towns and streets, as long as they don't curve. Once you get yourself into a Pittsburgh or a Boston or an Any Other Place in Europe, it doesn't work anymore and you learn that your upbringing was deceptive.

Not just midwest; I think any planned/newer city applies. I grew up in Miami Florida and had the same boggle when I moved to the DC area. I rather indignantly told some friends from home about an intersection by Dulles airport where, if you want to stay on street name X you have to make a left turn at the intersection. Keep driving forward and it's a whole other name. Friends who grew up in New England looked at me and said "... and?"

It does sometime go the other way though. I told a Virginia native who was in Miami on business that his confusion about determining what intersected was easy - it's all CRAP. Courts, Roads, Avenues, Places are all parallel.
posted by phearlez at 10:43 AM on April 7, 2016 [2 favorites]

I grew up and lived in the west and always had a instinctual sense of direction where ever I was. Until I moved across the country, where I was suddenly lost all the time. It was really disconcerting. Not only that, but I found myself constantly heading south when I thought I was going north, etc. Then a friend of mine told me he had a similar experience when he moved from east to west. We had a half assed theory that we could innately tell which direction the ocean was even though we were sometimes nowhere near the ocean.

I have not had this problem with north-south for some reason, but I'm a lifelong East Coaster, and I've definitely made the mistake of "ocean = east" when on the West Coast. It's not even a thing I realized was ingrained in my brain until the first time I went out there.

I'm OK with cardinal directions (not great obviously), but I am very good at building mental maps of places in my head. This means I am quite good at navigating cities, but not as good with rural areas, though still not bad. I also basically never use the turn-by-turn navigation function on my phone, because the idea of not knowing my surroundings and just following the directions of this disembodied voice makes me uncomfortable.
posted by breakin' the law at 11:14 AM on April 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

There was a thread about fashion - not sure if it was an Ask or just some comments on a regular fashion-related thread - where some people made the case that men should basically not wear shorts, ever. I recall it as quite the argument but I wasn't able to find it via search.

There's also a strong contingent of people who think that men should never ever wear sandals except MAYBE on the beach/at the pool. It seems to always devolve in to some weird vaguely gender roles/body shaming kind of thing. I haven't seen it on here in a long long time, and wouldn't even know what to search for... but i've run in to it both on here and online.

They're always like "wear boat shoes or something! just not sandals! we don't want to see your feet".

ugh.
posted by emptythought at 11:30 AM on April 7, 2016

In re men and shorts: I've heard men shame each other - like, at random, in front of me - over wearing shorts and over having pale legs. It's pretty demoralizing. I think it's basically about homophobia and misogyny - straight men must always and only be sexual subjects, never sexual objects, so showing any part of the body is a dangerous effeminacy.
posted by Frowner at 11:38 AM on April 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'm a lifelong East Coaster, and I've definitely made the mistake of "ocean = east" when on the West Coast.

Totally. And I get it when looking at/reading about other continents too - like if something is described as being in the west of England I'll picture it in the east, because somehow the Atlantic being on the left makes England a mirror-reflection when it comes to east/west.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 11:46 AM on April 7, 2016 [3 favorites]

That resurrected the suppressed memory of the thread where people I had long admired for their entertaining and/or insightful posts and comments defended the practice of not pulling into the intersection for left-hand turns until they were absolutely, positively certain they could complete the turn while the light was still green.

In Seattle, home of the worst passive milquetoast dangerously timid while also bumblingly unaware drivers i've ever seen(like driving 45 in a 60, driving dangerously slow in the right lane compared to traffic right there next to them, making REALLY slow turns in front of traffic, etc) i've heard this vehemently defended.

I screamed internally at an exchange like this:

et: So what about intersections where you will literally never make a left because it's solid traffic?
them: well then it should be a protected left
et: ...that's not my question, it's not and likely will never be because of road width/etc, what do you do
them: well i wouldn't go that way then, it's not safe!

Something something about just making several rights and coming at the intersection from another way, etc.

Anyone who has sat for like 5 light cycles behind someone like this who has not gotten at all annoyed is literally a saint, and i can't relate to their state of mind at all.

I have literally gotten in an argument with someone about this that ended with me printing out the page from the WA DOL driving test handbook and showing it to them because they flat out didn't believe it could possibly be legal.

god damn i am so fucking happy i sold my car. Driving here is a sometimes food. I LOVE driving... other places, or anywhere like ~60 miles away from Seattle.
posted by emptythought at 11:53 AM on April 7, 2016 [4 favorites]

I've definitely made the mistake of "ocean = east" when on the West Coast.

I'm bad directionally generally (my father was a sailor and when I was a kid he'd often ask me which way we were driving in rural MA and I rarely knew if the sun wasn't out) and especially with East/West stuff. I moved to the West Coast and then came back and now I live somewhere in summers where there is a place with ocean beaches that literally face East, West and South so my hard-fought sun+beach+ocean determinations are all out the window.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 12:04 PM on April 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

Friends who grew up in New England looked at me and said "... and?"

In Boston I've encountered at least one street which is discontinuous, with two co-linear ends but an unconnected middle segment that exists several blocks to the south, as though it was displaced by miniature-scale continental drift or something like that. Though if you really want to see a pre-automobile city in North America you want Vieux-Québec.
posted by XMLicious at 12:05 PM on April 7, 2016

I'm a lifelong East Coaster, and I've definitely made the mistake of "ocean = east" when on the West Coast.

My wife's cousin posted an engagement picture of he and his fiance at the beech in front of a very low sun and my brain thought, "wow, they got up early for that shot" until I remembered that (duh) the sun sets on the beach in California.
posted by octothorpe at 12:06 PM on April 7, 2016

Related AskMes on a great question, since we're linking to good reads:
Can you tell dawn and dusk light apart in photos?
Can you tell sunrise and sunset apart in photos?
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 12:35 PM on April 7, 2016 [5 favorites]

Knowing your position relative to a body of water -- which, especially in the case of oceans and lakes, can be easily discerned by the land sloping towards it -- is very, very useful.

This comes very naturally to me. Weirdly, I grew up in Salt Lake City, which is nowhere near the ocean and the lake isn't close enough to follow that rule. And I never had a sense of direction at all. I still don't.

But when I am in California or Texas or Florida, I have an amazing sense of direction that surprises everyone. I can always point to where the ocean is.
posted by mmoncur at 4:09 PM on April 7, 2016

breakin' the law: "I have not had this problem with north-south for some reason, but I'm a lifelong East Coaster, and I've definitely made the mistake of "ocean = east" when on the West Coast. It's not even a thing I realized was ingrained in my brain until the first time I went out there."

I currently live where I grew up which is 3 hours from the west coast. I didn't realize I was doing something similar in two ways until I moved for a time 6 hours east and over the Rockies. Here, for me, Canada is split into two directions: to the coast and East. In Calgary parts of Canada was suddenly West and it was disconcerting as hell. Also the mountains switched 180 degrees. I'd be standing someplace with the mountains on my left and be thinking I was heading south. I don't know how many times that screwed me up while driving until I consciously realized what I was doing one day.

Travel: It expands the horizons of your mind.
posted by Mitheral at 4:36 PM on April 7, 2016

But when I am in California or Texas or Florida, I have an amazing sense of direction that surprises everyone. I can always point to where the ocean is.

Our theory was that you have some sort of innate ‘magnetic’ sense of where the ocean is. I’m going to stick with that. So much better than this "sloping land" nonsense that’s going around.
posted by bongo_x at 6:11 PM on April 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

In Boston I've encountered at least one street which is discontinuous, with two co-linear ends but an unconnected middle segment that exists several blocks to the south, as though it was displaced by miniature-scale continental drift or something like that.

Think of rivers that bend so far they cut themselves off, although in this case it's people trying to impose a grid system after the fact, or cross streets being rerouted, or Superblocks, or highways carving a swath, etc.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 6:35 PM on April 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

I suspect the Afterpants discussion is a mere echo of the true argument: how warm should your house be?

In the winter I get home from work, take off my outdoor coat, and put on my indoor coat, because turning the thermostat above 62 Fahrenheit is the sort of profligacy one only indulges in for guests.
posted by yarntheory at 7:36 PM on April 7, 2016 [4 favorites]

Can you tell dawn and dusk light apart in photos?
Can you tell sunrise and sunset apart in photos?

Fuck no, I work a swing shift I can't tell them apart in real life.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:40 PM on April 7, 2016 [6 favorites]

Who gets to use that little bit of space between your airplane seat andthe one in front of you?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:39 PM on April 7, 2016

I changed my mind on the duvet issue! All these years later, I am an American with only a duvet, no top sheet and it is glooorious.
posted by dame at 8:45 PM on April 7, 2016 [3 favorites]

(Also it is fun to read those threads and come across your own comments you have forgotten.)
posted by dame at 8:46 PM on April 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

The navigation thing is weird. I was pretty good at getting around, only needed minimal use of maps, etc. Then I moved hemispheres from south to north and I was screwed. I constantly got turned around by thinking north was south - driving 20 minutes 180 degrees from the correct direction, etc. Dunno what it was (shadows? sun?).

Grudging top sheet user, too many arguments over too hot/windows open in our domicile for just a duvet. Dedicated lounging pants in winter, shorts in summer.
posted by N-stoff at 9:36 PM on April 7, 2016 [2 favorites]

I suspect the Afterpants discussion is a mere echo of the true argument: how warm should your house be?

Ohhhhh jeeze. This is some pistols at dawn stuff in and of itself.

I know people who think anyone who sets their thermostat above 70~ is a gluttonous environment destroyer like that pig from captain planet who had the limo with like 10 wheels(these are very often in the "AC is for the bourgeoise" crowd as well), and i know people who think that anyone who sets it to 62 is self-flagellating and always have it cranked to ~74

An amazing gigantic ask could probably come out of this one, is what i'm saying.
posted by emptythought at 11:31 PM on April 7, 2016 [3 favorites]

I just came here to congratulate MsMolly for thinking to ask this question, from which I have derived some hours of entertainment, occasionally quite hilarious.

I thank her, and you, and you, and you for this discussion.

That brings up a nitpicker question: Oxford comma or not? When I edit the newspaper, I omit the final comma; otherwise I put it where it belongs.
posted by key_of_z at 2:31 AM on April 8, 2016 [1 favorite]

Is this where I admit I don't know what a "Duvet" or "top sheet" is? I've always just had a fitted sheet, then a regular sheet, then what I call a "blanket" or "bedspread".
posted by mmoncur at 4:22 AM on April 8, 2016 [1 favorite]

Regular sheet = flat sheet = top sheet. If I understand correctly, a duvet is a blanket or comforter wrapped in a "duvet cover", which is something like a giant sheet-bag that you put your blanket in, so that you don't have to wash your blanket. (As often? At all?) I've never used a duvet, but this is what I gather from threads here on MeFi.
posted by Night_owl at 4:30 AM on April 8, 2016 [2 favorites]

Yes, the duvet is essentially the inside of what many Americans call a comforter, except it is often full of feathers and things it wouldn't make sense to wash, so you put a removable cover on it and wash that. Having a duvet is usually warm enough that you don't need blanket + bedspread but just one fluffy thing. To my mind a bedspread is just a thin, not-fuzzy blanket. If that helps.
posted by dame at 4:56 AM on April 8, 2016 [1 favorite]

I just can't get with the idea of sleeping with something other than a sheet against your skin. How is a duvet cover not scratchy? Or does it have a decorative presentation side on top and a sheet-like softer side on the bottom? It's all so confusing.
posted by octothorpe at 5:44 AM on April 8, 2016 [2 favorites]

A duvet cover is just two sheets sewn together with some snap fastenings or buttons along the bottom.
posted by emilyw at 5:47 AM on April 8, 2016

Yeah, duvet covers are not scratchy because they're made from the same material as sheets. They often have decorative prints, but they're still very sheet-like. Why would they be scratchy?
posted by Too-Ticky at 5:49 AM on April 8, 2016

Mine is even real linen which is better than most sheets. I also had a soft, thin-wale corduroy that was divine. Which is another sweet duvet perk: lots of change in your bed topping is easy and not as expensive / hard to store as many comforters, etc.
posted by dame at 7:11 AM on April 8, 2016

I have read that one of the first things that chimpanzees do when handed a mirror is turn around and focus on their butts. As evidently, in aggregate, do we after joining MetaFilter.
posted by y2karl at 7:57 AM on April 8, 2016 [11 favorites]

That is a first reaction to just coming upon and reading this thread.
posted by y2karl at 7:59 AM on April 8, 2016

A duvet in the rest of the world is what in the US is variably called a comforter filler or duvet insert or sometimes just duvet (but that sometimes means the insert and sometimes means the whole completed rig inside a case that is also sometimes called a duvet or duvet cover or comforter cover), or at IKEA just a comforter, but none of them mean this kind of comforter that is dyed/printed and ready to go on your bed with no preparation and does not come apart in any way.

It's difficult to sort out now, it was a nightmare in the late 80s when I was trying to buy a duvet and cover in Texas before the internet.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:28 AM on April 8, 2016 [1 favorite]

You sick bastards.
posted by slkinsey at 9:59 AM on April 8, 2016

Do you fold or do you wad? And other bathroom/toilet* habits.

*Totally different things.
posted by Too-Ticky at 12:40 PM on April 8, 2016

I have this with maps and directions. I am known for having absolutely no sense of direction at all, I have to know a route really well and pay attention a LOT in order to not get lost.

I could swear I've seen a study that appears to indicate that women are more likely to navigate via landmark ("Turn left at the grocery store, turn right at the fire station...") and men are more likely to navigate by having a mental map of the area and using streets to get them closer to the geographic location they have in mind.
posted by LastOfHisKind at 1:17 PM on April 8, 2016

Leg washing.
posted by Bruce H. at 1:33 PM on April 8, 2016

This thread on how you think about time still worries me:
"If I say to you, "The 5 o'clock meeting has been pushed forward 1 hour," what do you understand the new meeting time to be?"
posted by patricio at 3:01 PM on April 8, 2016 [2 favorites]

Leg washing.

Stopping at the hips would mean he's also not washing his genitals or butt.... Gross.
posted by zarq at 3:21 PM on April 8, 2016

RE: leg washing post: I will go to my grave choosing to believe that there was an unspoken "and butt and genitals" after "hips."
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 5:51 PM on April 8, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'm surpassed on one has talked about after clothes being in the buff and not giving a shit in my own home.

If it's cold I'll grab a robe.
posted by AlexiaSky at 7:18 PM on April 8, 2016 [3 favorites]

"If I say to you, "The 5 o'clock meeting has been pushed forward 1 hour," what do you understand the new meeting time to be?"

Most people where I work habitually say "moved to the right" or "moved to the left" and it drives me crazy. What, "to the right" is easier to say than "later"? I guess 'later' has the word 'late' in it, and project managers don't like to say that.

also, they like to say it moved to the right, like, I don't know, it just happened, weird, right? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by ctmf at 8:10 PM on April 8, 2016 [1 favorite]

I am staggered by that thread too, as a six-o'clocker. I not only would automatically assume that moving something forward in time would move it towards the future and that moving back in time would move it towards the past, I am completely stunned that I've discussed special relativity and time travel and stuff with people my whole life without consciously encountering the idea of the opposite meanings for those words.
posted by XMLicious at 8:24 PM on April 8, 2016 [2 favorites]

Y'all six-o'clockers are just conceiving of time all wrong. Consider:

You're watching a parade. Floats that are forward in the parade will pass you before floats in the back. The parade is time. Time marches on!

You're standing at a stove. You push something back to "put that on the back burner for now"; forward is toward you, i.e. sooner.

If you still can't visualize it like that, just remember this: BACK = TO THE FUTURE.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:33 PM on April 8, 2016 [3 favorites]

Sys Rq: Wow... the parade metaphor sounds really weird to me as a six-o-clocker. I just realized you think of time as a thing that moves past you (or toward and through you?), while I think of it as a thing that I am moving through.

But really our language is ambiguous and "push" can be contradictory with "forward".

Using the stove example, if I used the same words as the AskMe and told you to "Push that pan forward" you'd move it AWAY from you. And then if I said "Pull it back" you'd bring it back TOWARD you. If I said "pull it forward" you'd also move it TOWARD you. If I took away the stove and said "walk forward" you'd move to where the "back burner" of the stove was, and if I said "back up" you'd move back to where the "front burner" was.

For some reason the expression "pushed back" means made to be later, so "pushed forward" uses one of the same words and one opposite word to create an ambiguous expression.

In conclusion, the words "forward" and "back" are a land of contrasts.
posted by mmoncur at 10:18 PM on April 8, 2016 [2 favorites]

When a four-o'clocker says "wait, wait, back up a minute" they're actually asking you to skip to the end of the story you're telling.
posted by XMLicious at 10:22 PM on April 8, 2016 [4 favorites]

And when they say "from this day forward," they're talking about the past.
posted by mmoncur at 10:29 PM on April 8, 2016 [3 favorites]

I do agree that "push forward" is ambiguous in the context of time. (If anything, I'd assume it meant 'Let's push forward with this appointment as scheduled.') But surely, given the choices of future or past, it's not synonymous with "push back"?

push back
PHRASAL VERB [TRANSITIVE]
1 to arrange a later time for something
The deadline has been pushed back two weeks.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:14 PM on April 8, 2016 [1 favorite]

(And really, it is about queued appointments. To move something forward in a queue is to make it arrive sooner.)
posted by Sys Rq at 11:18 PM on April 8, 2016 [2 favorites]

But surely, given the choices of future or past, it's not synonymous with "push back"?

I don't think it's synonymous, I think it's ambiguous. "Push back" is a recognized idiom, but if you look up push forward it doesn't have a commonly-known meaning related to scheduling things.

So the schism here is whether you believe "push back" is just an otherwise meaningless idiom (in which case "push forward" looks like an alternate expression of it) or you believe "push back" has a specific meaning related to a direction in time (in which case "push forward" must be the opposite.) There are probably good arguments to be made on both sides.

Personally, after reading that thread, if anyone ever tells me a meeting is "pushed back" or "pushed forward", I'll ask them exactly what time they would like me to be there...
posted by mmoncur at 12:49 AM on April 9, 2016 [3 favorites]

The Afterpants crowd needs to get with the Malay Garment Technology: most of southeast asia gets home from work and trades pants for a sarong. It only takes about a second longer than just dropping trou and the sensation is at once both cozy and liberating.
posted by BinGregory at 1:13 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]

The problem is not "forward" it’s "push". "Pushed forward" is just a dumb phrase, hence the confusion. I would say "you mean the meeting was moved up an hour?" If it’s being "pushed forward" who’s doing the pushing? Someone from the future? At the very least it would be "pulled forward", because I’m back here.
posted by bongo_x at 1:15 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]

I've never heard "push forward" but definitely heard "pull forward" or "pull up" to mean rescheduling something to be earlier.
posted by octothorpe at 4:30 AM on April 9, 2016

also, they like to say it moved to the right, like, I don't know, it just happened, weird, right? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The passive voice can magically solve many problems, including obviating any need to declare responsibility or admit fault.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:51 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]

Does a glass of water become too old to drink?
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:34 AM on April 9, 2016 [2 favorites]

Yes: the moment it's been used as a penis beaker.
posted by Too-Ticky at 10:44 AM on April 9, 2016 [9 favorites]

I think that push back, also means resistance. There was considerable push back to the idea, I don't think they mean changing a schedule of events. Then there are back handed responses, back room negotiations, back channel communications, and push up bras.
posted by Oyéah at 12:05 PM on April 9, 2016

I'm just trying to decide whether to change my MeFi username to "afterpants" or to change it to "changing my username to afterpants".
posted by still_wears_a_hat at 6:19 PM on April 9, 2016

Your present username almost expresses the same sentiment.
posted by Joe in Australia at 8:15 PM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]

I wonder if Aversion Therapy ever formed his cover band.
posted by a halcyon day at 9:08 PM on April 9, 2016

I'm just trying to decide whether to change my MeFi username to "afterpants" or to change it to "changing my username to afterpants."

How about "The Afterpants Monster?"
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:08 PM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]

That brings up a nitpicker question: Oxford comma or not? When I edit the newspaper, I omit the final comma; otherwise I put it where it belongs.

It belongs in hell.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:55 AM on April 10, 2016

Oh my god I am so glad I missed that sheet/no-sheet thread when it was current. Because I would not have been able to contain myself.

You... you... barbarians. I can't even.
posted by Justinian at 2:16 PM on April 10, 2016 [3 favorites]

You... you... barbarians. I can't even.

The best part is that in every one of these disputes, this is how both sides feel.
posted by Dip Flash at 3:03 PM on April 10, 2016 [14 favorites]

The best part is that in every one of these disputes, this is how both sides feel.

Yes. This is why I find having a list of these so satisfying. They're probably my favorite thing about Metafilter. If we ever made a Metafilter dating site these questions should be the filters.

Afterpants ever! Top sheet never!
posted by MsMolly at 8:11 PM on April 10, 2016 [6 favorites]

The best part is that in every one of these disputes, this is how both sides feel.

But one of them is wrong.
posted by jeather at 8:18 PM on April 10, 2016 [3 favorites]

And that’s what’s so sad. They actually think they’re fine the way they are. They don’t even know.
posted by bongo_x at 10:16 PM on April 10, 2016 [3 favorites]

I usually wade into those types of threads to gleefully call the other side barbarians, but that mental calendar thing has me questioning my belief system. I don't picture a calendar at all - if someone gives me a date in the future, I just see a nebulous, abstract day in the hazy future...

But when I'm reading all those comments from people describing their mental calendar I can't help feeling like there's something wrong with me instead of my usual instinct to raise a battlecry in the name of the housepants-topsheet-shoesoff-ketchupoutsidethefridge-mehfee clan.
posted by like_neon at 1:54 AM on April 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

And that’s what’s so sad. They actually think they’re fine the way they are. They don’t even know.

Deep down, in the furthest chambers of their hearts, they must know. They must.
posted by jeather at 7:44 AM on April 11, 2016 [3 favorites]

If you asked me to visualize a date, I would end up visualizing the words "Wednesday, April 20". Some people just aren't visual thinkers.
posted by Night_owl at 9:05 AM on April 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

The calendar question -- my visualized calendar goes by week but in a S or Z arrangement, where one week goes from left to right, then down on the weekend, then the next week goes from right to left. I dream of finding a paper/physical or electronic calendar that will match my visualization. Or someday I will just make my own.
posted by gingerbeer at 9:58 AM on April 11, 2016

We are currently having a civil discussion about how some people use an H at the end of Sarah and some other people are wrong.
posted by soelo at 11:56 AM on April 11, 2016

> and some other people are wrong

flagged as wrongh
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:04 PM on April 11, 2016 [5 favorites]

gingerbeer, did you already know that there's a word for that? Boustrophedon.

I couldn't resist googling "boustrophedon calendar", and all I could find was a few obscure archeology articles. Are you part Mayan?
posted by benito.strauss at 4:28 PM on April 11, 2016 [3 favorites]

Readers, I enspousenated him.
posted by benito.strauss at 6:48 PM on April 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

Some meetings get moved up, others get pushed back. If you are going to start moving or pushing in any other directions I'm going to complain to HR.
posted by Kabanos at 7:42 PM on April 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

Well, exactly. If they're asking, "Does ambiguous phrase X mean A or B?" then right off the bat the answer is automatically, "No; say Y instead."

But if the question is, "Assuming ambiguous phrase X definitely means either A or B but not both, which is correct?" then the only sane answer is B, goddammit!
posted by Sys Rq at 7:54 PM on April 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

> gingerbeer, did you already know that there's a word for that? Boustrophedon.

Wow. That's a fantastic word and reason, and no, I had no idea there's a word for it. Thank you!
posted by gingerbeer at 8:44 PM on April 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

MsMolly, in case you missed it, the YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG thread also ended up evolving into another top sheet/duvet debate, along with discussions of mummy parties and very specific lists of the exact preferred and proper layerings of things on beds.
posted by Kabanos at 7:28 AM on April 12, 2016

Also, iron your sheets, or not?
posted by Kabanos at 7:29 AM on April 12, 2016

I still can't believe there are people somewhere who don't sleep naked. Wearing clothes to bed? How do they not wake up drenched in a puddle of sweat? Or developing intolerable swampcrotch?

I mean, yeah, I'm familiar with the concept of pyjamas, but I always thought that was something they invented for TV/movies because they couldn't show people sleeping naked. Kinda like how people on TV/movies are always having sex beneath sheets.

Oh dear god, please tell me people don't actually have sex beneath sheets.
posted by panama joe at 8:21 AM on April 12, 2016

One can start beneath the sheets, but finish? I don't think so.
posted by Night_owl at 8:27 AM on April 12, 2016

Handholding on the street
Sex beneath the sheet
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:32 AM on April 12, 2016

This thread on how you think about time still worries me:
"If I say to you, "The 5 o'clock meeting has been pushed forward 1 hour," what do you understand the new meeting time to be?"

My fiance and I were cooking. He told me to "turn the front burner up," so I made it hotter. He comes back and says "oh no, I meant make the actual thing point further up."

People. It's a circular dial. That means half of the time he would use "turn it up," he'd want it warmer, and half the time he'd want it colder. Nope. Nope nope nope.

He's also the feller who kept on insisting I bring "warm clothes" to Florida, by which he meant "clothes suitable for warm weather." His mother overheard him once and we were apparently both giving him crap, one over the phone and one in-person.

(For what it's worth, 4pm is what I'd say for 'pushed forward' but it's significantly ambiguous so I'd ask for clarification. I also got into 3 discussions in 3 days about, no, really guys, biweekly has two completely contradictory and mutually exclusive meanings, look it up in any dictionary, stop giving me crap about clarifying... so I might be too quick to clarify.)
posted by flibbertigibbet at 10:55 AM on April 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

benito.strauss: I couldn't resist googling "boustrophedon calendar", and all I could find was a few obscure archeology articles."

But did you find this patent for a Zigzag calendar? It uses the diagonal and each square is 2 days of the month.

I thought This Friday vs. Next Friday was more contentious (See also This Weekend Next Weekend). Maybe I didn't find the right thread(s).
posted by zinon at 11:22 AM on April 12, 2016

flibbertigibbet, would he also ask you to turn the air conditioner "down"— does that mean colder or less intense? Or just make the dial point downward from wherever it is?
posted by a halcyon day at 11:28 AM on April 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

> But did you find this patent for a Zigzag calendar?

I did not, but I'm more of an obscure archaeology guy than a patent law guy. Could you understand the description in that patent? I couldn't. I guess the better test is to see if gingerbeer can.
posted by benito.strauss at 11:47 AM on April 12, 2016

That calendar is not how things work in my head, although I appreciate the fact that they reference the knuckle-counting way to determine longer months in the patent application.
posted by gingerbeer at 12:31 PM on April 12, 2016

One I've got burned with: If someone books an event to start at midnight the 23rd (which you should never do) does that mean the meeting starts between the 22nd and the 23rd or between the 23rd and 24th?
posted by Mitheral at 2:16 PM on April 12, 2016

Also, iron your sheets, or not?
I can barely dredge up the interest to iron my clothes, so, fuck no!

I still can't believe there are people somewhere who don't sleep naked. Wearing clothes to bed? How do they not wake up drenched in a puddle of sweat? Or developing intolerable swampcrotch?
Or in a tangled mess to the extent that outside assistance is needed to get out of bed? I wonder how many of those who claim it's impossible to sleep with a top sheet without it ending up wrapped around them also manage to sleep in clothes without the same thing happening?
posted by dg at 2:40 PM on April 12, 2016

I still can't believe there are people somewhere who don't sleep naked. Wearing clothes to bed? How do they not wake up drenched in a puddle of sweat? Or developing intolerable swampcrotch?

I live in a 150 year old house with 150 year old windows. It gets a little drafty in the winter here.
posted by octothorpe at 3:36 PM on April 12, 2016

You know how the air cools down at night? Well, given that I manage to wear clothes during the day and given that I wear considerably less elaborate clothes in bed, it should surprise no one that sleeping clothed is, in fact, comfortable. Not to mention convenient in a house of housemates.
posted by Frowner at 4:06 PM on April 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

I still can't believe there are people somewhere who don't sleep naked. Wearing clothes to bed? How do they not wake up drenched in a puddle of sweat? Or developing intolerable swampcrotch?

Keeping the heat at 55º (13C)? Oil is expensive and I like pajamas!
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 4:23 PM on April 12, 2016

I also keep it that cold at night AND I sleep naked, because I like to be cold when I sleep.
posted by jeather at 4:48 PM on April 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

Keeping the heat at 55º (13C)? Oil is expensive and I like pajamas!

I will be very sad if I have to move back to a part of the country with high utility costs. I have the thermostat at a balmy 70F this morning and I still have a blanket over my bare feet.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:25 AM on April 13, 2016

In summer I like to wrap my top sheet around me in a particular way, although not as much as my son who is known as 'burrito boy'.

In winter I can't wear socks to bed even on the coldest night but I do like wearing large comfy flanny pyjamas. I usually have two doonas and a large blanket on the bed (the order is sheet, doona, blanket, other doona), with the pedestal fan on low next to the bed, causing an arctic like breeze. Getting up in the morning is an issue, however.
posted by h00py at 4:50 AM on April 13, 2016

what's a doona?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:56 AM on April 13, 2016

They're a really cool brand of car seat that can turn into a stroller.
posted by zarq at 9:03 AM on April 13, 2016

Is there an Episode of Bob's Burgers about afterpants, and if not, why?
posted by schmod at 10:03 AM on April 13, 2016 [2 favorites]

Despite what may actually be on the screen, in my mind Gene is never wearing pants.
posted by benito.strauss at 10:36 AM on April 13, 2016

Linda sneaks in every morning and pantsifies him before he wakes up, and he just never notices.
posted by Etrigan at 10:54 AM on April 13, 2016 [1 favorite]

He never looks down to check. "What's that feeling of tightness around my waist? Must be the fourth Pop Tart I had for breakfast."
posted by benito.strauss at 12:25 PM on April 13, 2016 [1 favorite]

> what's a doona?
An Australian duvet.
posted by Too-Ticky at 2:17 PM on April 13, 2016 [1 favorite]

Hooray for *insert search engine name here*!
posted by h00py at 4:16 PM on April 13, 2016

Hey, why does it seem that Maryland (D.C. proximate) has such low utility costs? I was terrified of what our bills would look like, but it appears that they are going to be 30-50% less than we were paying in New Orleans.
posted by Night_owl at 5:41 PM on April 13, 2016

I shared many of these with Mr. Freedom, and he is now of the opinion that most Mefites are "goddamn savages".

In our defense, this is a man who puts on his undershirt first, THEN his underpants, and THEN his socks, followed by shirt, pants, and shoes, in that order, every single time. He was legitimately confused at the sock-sock-shoe-shoe debate because socks naturally come so far before shoes anyway.

Thank you for reminding me of the Great Penis Beaker Thread, I had forgotten it and now have laughed myself into tears again.

Dang, where was I during that thread? Probably still lurking over on AskMe. Anyway, after reading the whole thing, I am strongly hoping that "beaker" is some kind of Anglicism for "cup" or "glass" or something, or at the very least the original poster was referring to one of the wide-mouthed beakers, because my automatic mental image of a "beaker" is one of these things, and just . . . fuckin' no.
posted by chainsofreedom at 5:48 AM on April 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

I am strongly hoping that "beaker" is some kind of Anglicism for "cup" or "glass" or something, or at the very least the original poster was referring to one of the wide-mouthed beakers, because my automatic mental image of a "beaker" is one of these things, and just . . . fuckin' no.

....Y'know, though, if it had been one of those flask-type things, it almost eliminates a lot of the problems with the plan that people in the thread were pointing out. To wit:

* It'd be harder to tip over in the middle of the night
* It'd be impossible to confuse with a regular drinking glass, so there would be no risk of it getting mixed in with the glasses you're using to serve juice to guests out of
* It'd be harder for a passing cat or dog or other pet to poke their nose or paw into..

I mean, it's still a bat-crap crazy thing to do, but in a weird way...a flask would have softened the crazy a tiny percent.

oh god someone help me i just rationalized a penis beaker
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:08 AM on April 14, 2016 [4 favorites]

Telling someone I shower in my house with the door open (bathroom door, apartment front door, all the doors) and enjoying their eye twitches.

I have lived for years in a garage apartment that is basically in someone's back yard, and so I have pretty much gotten in the habit of not only never locking the door, but leaving the regular door wide open and just using the screen door 24-hours a day as long as I can (as a hater of a/c and the heater and as someone who apparently has zero concern for getting my shit stolen) AND I also am in the habit of leaving the bathroom door wide open, which is directly in line with the front door. So far, no one has wandered into the backyard while I am sitting on the toilet and spied me. I don't even know where my key to the front door is. I will be very sad when I move into a place where I cannot leave the front door wide open at all hours of the day.
posted by megancita at 8:18 AM on April 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

this is a man who puts on his undershirt first, THEN his underpants

Your spouse is a Winnie the Pooh cosplayer for 2 seconds every day.
posted by phearlez at 9:27 AM on April 14, 2016 [17 favorites]

I sleep in my underwear and nothing else. Always have. I'll sometimes leave on a t-shirt if it's unusually cold or if I'm sharing a room with non-family members.

The fact that there actually exists some people who actually sleep in pajamas is deeply strange to me. Do you not have heat? How do you feel comfortable with all that cloth? I have never seen anyone do this in real life.
posted by breakin' the law at 9:44 AM on April 14, 2016

I don't really feel warm until the temperature rises about 25, 30ish is nice. But not being made of money we keep the heat around 18 and our bedrooms are probably a couple degrees colder than that.

So ya, pajamas and three or four layers of bedding in the winter. Underwear/naked sleeping only happens for a couple months in the summer when temperatures are in the 30/40s.
posted by Mitheral at 1:33 PM on April 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

It kind of blows my mind that so many people apparently wash their towels after one or two uses. You just got out of the shower! How dirty can your towel be??

1. During certain times of the month, the likelihood of me bleeding on my towel as I dry myself off is quite high. Even when it isn't that time of the month, I have been known to slice my leg open while shaving. Not a thing you want to continue to dry yourself off with day after day.

2. I use the towel to clean out the crevices of my ears as I am very cautious about getting too much water near my ears for fear of it going in. I can get and have gotten swimmer's ear from a shower. The idea of then using the earwaxy towel to dry my hair is . . . ick.

3. If it is allergy season or cold season, the heat of the shower makes my nose run and I worry that I will booger on my towel as I dry my face/hair.

I usually wash towels after 3 or 4 days but if any of the above happen then I can wash a towel after only one or two uses.
posted by chainsofreedom at 1:39 PM on April 16, 2016

You just got out of the shower! How dirty can your towel be??

"When I get out of the shower, I'm the cleanest object in the house. In theory, the towels should be getting cleaner every time they touch me."
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:59 PM on April 16, 2016 [2 favorites]

my partner drives me crazy with her inability to visualize anything

I have this with maps and directions. I am known for having absolutely no sense of direction at all, I have to know a route really well and pay attention a LOT in order to not get lost.

I can't visualize people (though I often can recognize people) but I have a pretty good sense of where I am and how to get places. The lack of visualization mostly makes me crazy when reading, as it seems most books waste their first chapter nattering on about colors of hair or whatnot, which for me immediately vanishes into the ether. I thought that was just one of those formulas too many books had, until I was in a book club reading a book that didn't do that. I thought it was super refreshing to finally skip the useless part and get to the narrative, but many people were lost without being able to see the characters.

I didn't have a sense of cardinal directions until high school and I pretty much learned them against the street grid. I'm useless with curvy streets and some malls. As long as there's right angles, I can usually find my way back out of complicated stores or malls, though. I don't remember names of streets or buildings, but know it when I see it, basically. Even with places I haven't been before, I can almost always reverse-engineer how we go there to leave again. Despite my inability to remember names (or other specific words, like in quotes*) or faces, I have a strong spacial awareness. I know where things are, down to where my daughter left her hairbrush or where the eggs were put away.

*I remember the gist of things rather than actual words. I'm good with synonyms because I so rarely remember the right word anyways. As you can imagine, this doesn't help often with streets, people, or names of stores.
posted by Margalo Epps at 5:09 PM on April 17, 2016 [3 favorites]

I grew up in houses heated with woodstoves and fireplaces. That means it was always pretty cool in most rooms in the house, especially the bedrooms. I can't sleep if the air is too warm: I've just gotten used to being under several blankets, a top sheet, and a flannel nightgown at night. Same goes for walking around the house scantily clad - I grew up wearing lots of clothes around the house and I'm just more comfortable that way. I was born in the shadow of the oil crisis, and my parents were really focused on keeping those fuel bills down.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:34 PM on April 17, 2016

I thought it was super refreshing to finally skip the useless part and get to the narrative, but many people were lost without being able to see the characters.

I just finished reading Seveneves and there was SO much of it that was based on spaceship configuration directions and layouts with no fixed point of reference where he'd be like "And then the port rotates 45 degrees and then slid partway into the other thing at which point both things would tilt to the left and join up with the extending ramp coming out from the midway point of the other thing at a 75 degree angle" and I realized I just could not get a picture in my mind of any of it. Like I am okay with or without descriptions of people (I make up my own people if they are not described and either way is fine) but these highly specific "This is how this thing is put together out of twenty-five slightly different parts" just made me actually irritated.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 6:05 PM on April 17, 2016 [3 favorites]

Wait. You're supposed to be able to see the characters? I thought some authors were just really interested in fabric and eye color.

Lots of things are starting to make sense.
posted by Joe in Australia at 8:25 PM on April 17, 2016 [2 favorites]

"And then the port rotates 45 degrees and then slid partway into the other thing at which point both things would tilt to the left and join up with the extending ramp coming out from the midway point of the other thing at a 75 degree angle"

There was a passage in an early Iain Banks Culture book (don't know which one; I read them all in a row) where he's describing a crew boarding a derelict, damaged mega-ship and I basically just had to give up and go YUP I'M POSITIVE PEOPLE SURE ARE MOVING ON OR THROUGH OR OTHERWISE ADJACENT TO SOMETHING METAL.

So I probably shouldn't try to read Seveneves, is what I'm thinking.
posted by flibbertigibbet at 6:28 PM on April 19, 2016 [5 favorites]

I think that's from near the start of The Algebraist because I had the same problem. But, if I can see something I'm fine - I can see how this bit needs to slide right to make way for that bit, which can rotate and let me extract the one underneath which is causing all the trouble. Reading about it, though, it's "lalalalala–things–alala".
posted by Joe in Australia at 6:44 PM on April 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

So I probably shouldn't try to read Seveneves, is what I'm thinking.

It's a really good book, you'll just need to skim some parts. And, bless him, there are a few pictures.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 6:44 PM on April 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

in an effort to see if there is some regional bias on some of these, I started a US centric survey: http://www.surveygizmo.com/s3/2726153/How-do-you-do-it

Please pass it around so we can get better data.
posted by mulligan at 10:23 PM on April 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

Wait, I thought the question was pyjamas or no pyjamas. You're asking about underwear under pyjamas? What kind of lunatic would do that? Pyjamas are a complete outfit, you do not need underwear as well.
posted by tinkletown at 4:18 AM on April 20, 2016 [2 favorites]

This is getting complicated.

- PJs, no underwear, fresh PJs every night
- PJs, no underwear, fresh PJs every X nights

- PJs & underwear, same underwear you wore the previous daytime.
- PJs & underwear, fresh underwear for sleeping every night, and fresh underwear the following day.
- PJs & underwear, fresh underwear for sleeping every night, and wear that underwear the following day.
- PJs & underwear, fresh daytime underwear every day but the same set of sleeping underwear every night only changed every X nights.
- PJs & underwear, fresh sleeping underwear every night but the same set of daytime underwear every day only changed every X days. (what the fuck)

- Just underwear, same underwear you wore the previous daytime. {me}
- Just underwear, fresh underwear for sleeping every night, and fresh underwear the following day.
- Just underwear, fresh underwear for sleeping every night, and wear that underwear the following day.
- Just underwear, fresh daytime underwear every day but the same set of sleeping underwear every night only changed every X nights.
- Just underwear, fresh sleeping underwear every night but the same set of daytime underwear every day only changed every X days. (seriously wtf)

- Naked
posted by EndsOfInvention at 4:43 AM on April 20, 2016

Wait, I thought the question was pyjamas or no pyjamas. You're asking about underwear under pyjamas? What kind of lunatic would do that? Pyjamas are a complete outfit, you do not need underwear as well.

Some men's pajamas don't have a button on the fly.
posted by zarq at 7:12 AM on April 20, 2016

Plus, underwear keeps my butt-funk off the pjs longer so I don't have to change em every day. (Though in my case "pjs" are just cheap cotton shorts during most of the year)
posted by phearlez at 9:03 AM on April 20, 2016 [2 favorites]

Wait, on this survey, are slippers considered shoes?
posted by drlith at 10:34 AM on April 20, 2016

My dog steals slippers but not shoes, so obviously they are different things.
posted by maxsparber at 10:46 AM on April 20, 2016 [4 favorites]

hey folks, thanks for the feedback on the survey, I'll make some changes to it!
posted by mulligan at 11:44 AM on April 20, 2016

Everything goes in the fridge if your house has mice.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 12:53 PM on April 20, 2016 [2 favorites]

I did the survey, but I agree it was not specific enough. I don't know how you get specific enough easily without making it free-form though and good luck if you do that.

For example, I almost always wear shoes in my house but those shoes are never worn outside, so I chose "wear shoes" but that's misleading.

But I like surveys and data so yay!
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 12:55 PM on April 20, 2016

I have opinions on whether pajamas should have underwear underneath, but don't wear them myself. Also, ladies hats are acceptable indoors, while most men's hats should be removed (yarmulkes obviously also stay on.) This is regardless of the gender of the person wearing said hat.

I had trouble with which things went in the fridge. There is butter out for putting on toast, but the rest is stored in the fridge. The whole wheat bread goes in the fridge, but the baguette lives on the counter. Eggs from our neighbor's chickens go on the counter, but not the ones from the store. I guess a lot of things just depend.

I think if your shoes are indoors only, they should get counted in the slipper category since slippers are basically an indoor foot covering which is more substantial than a sock.
posted by Margalo Epps at 1:17 PM on April 21, 2016

No one's mentioned pooping naked yet? Best way to poop.
posted by clorox at 8:47 PM on April 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

Wait. Am I the only top sheeted Australian?
posted by Trivia Newton John

Nope. Pyjamas, top sheet. Bedspread in summer, a doona or two in winter. I like flexibility in temperature regulation, so being able to add and subtract elements from this list easily during the night is useful.

I'm middling on the visualisation skills but if the description in a book goes longer than a short paragraph per new person or item, I'm skipping it. Show, don't tell.
posted by harriet vane at 4:54 AM on April 24, 2016

I'm kind of glad I didn't discover the top sheet thread. I might have had to take a mental health day from work to get over it. I was going crazy until I found out there's a difference between a duvet and a comforter. I was picturing people sleeping with just a comforter---a wave of horror washed over me.

But a duvet sounds more reasonable so I have some faith in humanity.
posted by Monochrome at 10:25 AM on April 27, 2016

So now that I've read that entire thread about whether to pee through the flap or over the edge, most of it out loud to my roommate, I have to say the greatest takeaway was the kid who wore boxers backwards so he could "drop a drive" "goatse-style" without removing his underwear. That image shall be with me the rest of my life.
posted by maryr at 8:59 PM on April 29, 2016

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