Sock sock shoe shoe versus sock shoe sock shoe

March 1, 2016 2:36 PM

In the current Super Tuesday thread, an alarming derail emerged regarding the order in which people put things on their feet. Is there consensus amongst MeFites on the order, or are there significant variations?

Additional comments:

- One for sock sock shoe shoe
- A sock shoe alternator denialist. And another.
- A moderator is discombobulated.
- A bisocksual response.
- Responses are confusing from this point on.

Are there other variations amongst the MeFi community, and is this information that is useful to know before meeting other MeFites e.g. at meetups?

posted by Wordshore to MetaFilter-Related at 2:36 PM (269 comments total)

Underwear/briefs, undershirt, socks, shirt, pants, belt, and then shoes. This is the order in which I've always dressed.
posted by Fizz at 2:45 PM on March 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

I really dislike the feeling of having one foot completely bare and the other completely suited up (sock and shoe). It feels so unbalanced and wrong. Plus you can't slide around like you can with two socks.

Sock sock shoe shoe
posted by sallybrown at 2:47 PM on March 1, 2016 [42 favorites]

The real weirdos are the people who sock shoe sock shoe when they're wearing tights.
posted by sallybrown at 2:48 PM on March 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

Saw a clip the other day of Ralph Fiennes describing the hosiery he wore under his Voldemort robes. Basically his tights weren't long enough, so they cut them into thigh-highs and he wore garters the rest of the film.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 2:51 PM on March 1, 2016 [24 favorites]

the eternal battle of sock sock shoe shoe versus sock shoe sock shoe.

Sock sock shoe shoe at home, if I'm at the gym and the floor is gross and wet then sock shoe sock shoe to preserve the dryness of the socks.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:55 PM on March 1, 2016 [27 favorites]

I wonder if those of us who hate wearing socks are more likely to be one or the other?
posted by A hidden well at 2:55 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Who the hell puts their shoes on in the bedroom?????

OK, I know we worked that out in an askme like 5 years ago, but still. Socks and shoes aren't even stored in the same room!
posted by GuyZero at 2:56 PM on March 1, 2016 [65 favorites]

As my spit-take suggested, I'm definitely sock sock shoe shoe. But! I am actually genuinely interested in other arrangements. And I've been thinking and chatting about it a little today between my, uh, enthusiastic contribution to the thread LobsterMitten was trying to actually moderate and this going up.

Of which:

Camping! I totally sock shoe sock shoe when I'm camping. Because the ground is dirty, the inside of the tent is (relatively) clean, and footwear lurks on the boundary like a sort of liminal garment. Get one foot out the tent, and then the other, so that one might straddle two worlds when necessary.

Also, when they're coming off, under normal circumstances? Unshoe unsock unshoe unsock. Once I'm getting my shoes off, my socks are coming off too almost always, and I don't want to leave a foot half-undone. Even if I want to be stocking-footed. If I want to take my shoes off after significant wear, the socks definitely have to go and I'll go get a new pair after.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:58 PM on March 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

Wait... how is alternating even a possibility unless people are waiting to put their socks on until they are at the door of their home?

The only alternative is that we are entertaining the idea that it is acceptable to wear ones shoes inside of a living space, and if we've sunk that low then truly American politics are beyond saving.
posted by sparklemotion at 2:58 PM on March 1, 2016 [17 favorites]

Yeah the socks and shoes aren't on the same level in my house, so it's socks then later shoes but it's always socks before pants unless I'm wearing 2 or more pants then it's pants, socks, next pants. Getting this out of order will bother me all morning.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 3:03 PM on March 1, 2016

Shouldn't people be exclusively using sockpuppet accounts in this thread?

sockpuppet, sockpuppet, shoepuppet, shoepuppet
posted by USER X at 3:05 PM on March 1, 2016 [39 favorites]

Usually standing but sometimes sitting if it's a small stall.

Oops wrong thread.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:06 PM on March 1, 2016 [9 favorites]

My response to having to wear socks at any time ever is the same as Gollum's whenever he's exposed to light.
posted by Hermione Granger at 3:08 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

What about socks pants vs pants socks?
posted by zachlipton at 3:16 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Mostly I am sock sock shoe shoe, but sometimes it is sock boot, because some socks (or even combinations of socks! like, two socks per foot!) work better with certain boots, and I can never remember and so I will sock(s)-and-boot one foot to figure out if that is the correct combo.

> Camping! I totally sock shoe sock shoe when I'm camping

Yes, this also!
posted by rtha at 3:19 PM on March 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

There was an episode of All In The Family that featured an argument between Archie and Mike over this very question.

Sock, sock, shoe, shoe ftw.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:21 PM on March 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

Don't you know that the whole world puts on a sock and a sock and a shoe and a shoe? True. Source.
posted by mudpuppie at 3:22 PM on March 1, 2016 [7 favorites]

sock sock shoe shoe, oh what a relief it is
posted by zachlipton at 3:28 PM on March 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

My socks are in the dresser next to the bed, as are my shorts and my pants. My shoes are in the closet, as are my shirts. I therefore put on one sock, then walk to the closet to get one shoe, then walk back to the dresser to get another sock, then back to the closet to get another shoe, then I walk back to the dresser to put on my undershorts, then back to the closet to get a shirt, then back to the dresser to get my pants, then back to the closet to get my belt, then back to the valet on my dresser for my wallet and keys. YOU DON'T OWN ME, EFFICIENCY EXPERTS!!!
posted by USER X at 3:31 PM on March 1, 2016 [10 favorites]

Socks are evil. I do my best to wear only shoes (aka sandals) year-round. If temps are consistently down around freezing, I will grudgingly wear socks to avoid having my toes turn black and fall off.

So, I don't recall the order in which I do this because I do it so seldom.
posted by Michele in California at 3:34 PM on March 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

Newspaper duct-tape newspaper duct-tape. If'n it were good enough fer crazy ol grandpappy then it's good enough fer me.
posted by dephlogisticated at 3:35 PM on March 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

You have duct-tape? LUXURY!
posted by USER X at 3:36 PM on March 1, 2016 [6 favorites]

I am a generally too warm person, especially in the feet. So socks stay off for as long as possible to ensure that any lingering dampness from the shower has had time to fully dry-most of my clothes go on in the bedroom, socks are carried out and placed by the shoes for the day close to the door. So socks and shoes are almost always going on at the same time, last thing before heading out for the day. At that point, it's a matter of efficiency: easier to perform sock and shoe operations on the same foot, without having to rearrange to the other foot between operations.

I suspect that most of humanity has cooler feet and will want socks immediately to keep them warm, or prefers to do all non-shoe dressing in the location where non-shoe clothing is stored, and that seems just fine with me.

Also, it's always the left foot first, not sure why, probably no reason. Left sock left shoe, right sock right shoe.
posted by Kwine at 3:36 PM on March 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

Shirt, sock, sock, pants, shoe, shoe for me.
posted by sarcasticah at 3:37 PM on March 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

What about socks pants vs pants socks?

Socks pants pretty much always because it's way easier to get socks situated before I have to put on my pants. I have to wear socks that go above my ankle for work related reasons (aka demostrating PPE for lab students) and I tend to wear skinny jeans/pants, so those two conditions kind of dictate this order.

So I guess that makes me sock sock pants shoe shoe
posted by litera scripta manet at 3:40 PM on March 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

Pants but no trousers? How very risqué
posted by pipeski at 3:41 PM on March 1, 2016 [8 favorites]

If it's not snowing and/or I'm not hiking, I don't wear socks. Also my shoes come off as soon as I enter my own house.

So, when I do wear socks, it's sock sock shoe shoe.

The excitement of a snow day is pleasantly augmented by the feeling of just wearing socks indoors, which was completely verboten in my childhood. Hedonism, man, pure hedonism.
posted by julen at 3:42 PM on March 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

Although to be fair, when I'm somewhere that isn't as clean as my own house (aka barn where I ride my horse, gym, changing area at a beach), then it's usually:

(pant leg) sock shoe (other pant leg) sock shoe

This also usually involves some careful balancing on one foot and desperately trying not to get my clean clothing anywhere near the floor.
posted by litera scripta manet at 3:44 PM on March 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

dephlogisticated: "Newspaper duct-tape"

Not to derail this derail, but am I the only person who totally avoids typing "duct tape" (or "duck tape") now? I grew up thinking it was "duct tape", but since then I've seen several "no, actually" links indicating that it's really "duck tape". So now I don't want to write "duck tape" because then I'll have to listen to people make fun of me for spelling it "duck" instead of "duct", and I don't want to write "duct tape" because then I'll have to listen to a bunch of "no, actually" stuff. And I don't want to write "silver tape" or any other circumlocutions because either people won't understand what I'm talking about, or they'll say "dude, why don't you just say duck tape" (or "duct tape"). So I just avoid discussing the dang stuff in writing.
posted by Bugbread at 3:44 PM on March 1, 2016 [13 favorites]

Pants but no trousers? How very risqué

There's actually a joke in an episode of BBC Sherlock where John asks Sherlock if he's wearing any pants, and the first time I watched it, I assumed he was using the US definition of pants. On second watch, I remembered the whole pants vs trousers thing and, well, that definitely changes things.
posted by litera scripta manet at 3:47 PM on March 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

slippers
posted by shakespeherian at 3:47 PM on March 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

(pant leg) sock shoe (other pant leg) sock shoe

You've officially broken the thread.
posted by zachlipton at 3:48 PM on March 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

Duck Tape is a brand of duct tape. The "no, actually" people probably wear socks on their hands.
posted by USER X at 3:48 PM on March 1, 2016 [35 favorites]

I spoke up in the thread for alternating depending on context, but also sometimes I put on sock sock skinny jeans boot boot. There is just no putting a sock on the whole way up once you get the skinny jeans on.
posted by chainsofreedom at 3:49 PM on March 1, 2016 [6 favorites]

Shod.
posted by notyou at 3:51 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Tights foot one, Tights foot two, boot boot. A basic variation on the Sally Brown theme. And hell yes the (many) boots live in the bedroom closet, so I can clomp out the bedroom door. On casual days, I return to the classic sock sock shoe shoe.
posted by bearwife at 3:52 PM on March 1, 2016

underwear shirt trouserings belt sock sock coffee boot boot

i dunno, i'm not sure i can be having with some of the behavior described in this thread.

Also, when at the gym do you take off all streetwear before putting on gym clothes, or take off shirt and replace with tee, etc?
posted by Frowner at 3:52 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

mudpuppie: "Don't you know that the whole world puts on a sock and a sock and a shoe and a shoe? True. Source."

Hah. That scene from All in the Family was the first thing I thought about when this subject came up even though I probably haven't scene it since it was first broadcast.
posted by octothorpe at 3:52 PM on March 1, 2016

sock sock shoe shoe and they are the last thing to go on before i leave the house. i will have my coat on before my shoes on to minimize the amount of in-house time my outside shoes spend doing shoe things. i have inside shoes that have never been outside and will never go outside for when i am doing indoor things that require shoes (putting together furniture, climbing up to a high shelf, cleaning up broken glass, etc).

i don't like shoes, my toes want to be freeee
posted by poffin boffin at 3:52 PM on March 1, 2016 [6 favorites]

Shod.
posted by notyou

Am too.
posted by USER X at 3:52 PM on March 1, 2016

I'm baffled by people who think of shoes as devices to protect their feet from the horrid filth of the outside world. Shoes protect your feet from sharp things and hard things! And the amount of supposed filth they supposedly track into the home is generally completely invisible! Are you people licking your floors?
posted by showbiz_liz at 3:52 PM on March 1, 2016 [9 favorites]

Not to derail this derail, but am I the only person who totally avoids typing "duct tape" (or "duck tape") now?

WAIT WHAT???

*googles furiously*

Okay, so Duck Tape is a brand, but it also looks like that duck tape was actually the original name for some tape like thing, but it seems like Duck Tape may actually be made out of duct tape

Oh god, I'm too tired for this. That's it, I'm never typing that word again, and I'll forever do my best to be very vague in my pronunciation.
posted by litera scripta manet at 3:52 PM on March 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

And the amount of supposed filth they supposedly track into the home is generally completely invisible!

INCORRECT WRONG BAD UNTRUE you can see the vile filth if you walk around a shoes-insider's house in your socks, the socks you can never again soil yourself by wearing, the socks you must ritually burn in order to be cleansed
posted by poffin boffin at 3:54 PM on March 1, 2016 [14 favorites]

Okay but deodorant before or after shirt, too
posted by shakespeherian at 3:55 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

sock boot underpants sock boot pants shirt
posted by SpacemanStix at 3:55 PM on March 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

Shoes are the last thing I put on right before I leave the house and taking them off is the first thing I do when I get in, followed immediately by my bra. So generally it's knickers, jeans, sock, sock, (left first, don't know why), downstairs carrying my shirt to find where I left my bra, upstairs again to select a new sock because one has a hole in it (I have - my hand to God - 8 socks on my dresser right now with holes in the toe), borrow partner's sock (he got a set of Muppet ones for Christmas, today was Beaker), downstairs again, shoe, shoe. I'm aware I could streamline this process but I only remember what a pain in the arse it is every morning when I'm staggering around.
posted by billiebee at 3:55 PM on March 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

Okay but deodorant before or after shirt, too

Always after. If there's a way to do before and still avoid getting deodorant on a dark-colored shirt, I have never been able to discover it.
posted by showbiz_liz at 3:56 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Okay but deodorant before or after shirt, too

After, otherwise I somehow manage to rub it all off onto the hem of my shirt and then it looks like I toothpasted or semened myself all day.
posted by chainsofreedom at 3:57 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

if your floor is covered in filth and you don't want filth in your shoes, then it's 'sock shoe sock shoe' where no besocked foot touches the floor. extra points if you can do it all while standing.
posted by ennui.bz at 3:58 PM on March 1, 2016

Shoe shoe sock sock.
posted by Bugbread at 3:58 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Tights, sock, boot, sock, boot, shirt, underwear, cape
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 4:00 PM on March 1, 2016 [11 favorites]

Some of you people should vacuum more often.
posted by shakespeherian at 4:00 PM on March 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

Actually, my gym has giant slippers in the restroom to wear over your shoes so you don't get pee on your shoes and track it all over the gym. So I put socks on my feet to keep my feet clean, and shoes on my socks to keep my socks clean, and then slippers on my shoes to keep my shoes clean.
posted by Bugbread at 4:00 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

yeah but then you get the filth on the inside of your socks from your filth bottomed feet and you marinate in that filthsock all day long

in conclusion shoes inside are bad
posted by poffin boffin at 4:00 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Wait you can take them off?
posted by Lyme Drop at 4:02 PM on March 1, 2016

No. But, then I'm a horse.
posted by USER X at 4:04 PM on March 1, 2016 [10 favorites]

Socks first, then shoes, because if there's a sudden major disaster (earthquake, mudslide, civil unrest, nuclear war) while I'm in the middle of the operation, I will be better off with matching feet.
posted by Celsius1414 at 4:05 PM on March 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

sock, cat attack, sock, cat attack, hobble, hobble, slipper, slipper
posted by joeyh at 4:05 PM on March 1, 2016 [6 favorites]

When I lived in San Diego I didn't know anyone who took their shoes off indoors. I don't know if that is because the climate means there's nothing to track in or if it's just a weird cultural thing or if I only knew strange people.
posted by shakespeherian at 4:05 PM on March 1, 2016

Conversely, sometimes I alternate. I contain multitudes before coffee.
posted by Celsius1414 at 4:06 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

sock, sock, shoe, shoe

but now that i think about it, when i'm removing shoes and socks it goes shoe, sock, shoe, sock

oh no
posted by burgerrr at 4:07 PM on March 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

Socks first, then shoes, because if there's a sudden major disaster (earthquake, mudslide, civil unrest, nuclear war) while I'm in the middle of the operation, I will be better off with matching feet.

On the other hand, if you are visiting your estranged wife at Christmas just before terrorists take over her office, you are better off being barefoot because you are squishing your toes in the carpet so you can silently dash down the hall and get into the elevator behind their backs without being noticed, thus playing hero and getting your estranged wife back. (At least, temporarily.)
posted by Michele in California at 4:08 PM on March 1, 2016 [10 favorites]

tim everyone you knew was dirty
posted by poffin boffin at 4:09 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Fists with your toes.
posted by USER X at 4:09 PM on March 1, 2016 [7 favorites]

I am usually reading the cricket reports in The Telegraph when this particular act of dressage occurs, but my butler informs that on me the sequence he carries out is:

Longjohns, shirt, sock, sock, trousers, shoe, shoe, waistcoat, monocle, hat.
posted by Wordshore at 4:10 PM on March 1, 2016 [9 favorites]

no sock garters? you dreadful arriviste
posted by poffin boffin at 4:11 PM on March 1, 2016 [8 favorites]

Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs.
posted by USER X at 4:14 PM on March 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

Okay, so Duck Tape is a brand, but it also looks like that duck tape was actually the original name for some tape like thing, but it seems like Duck Tape may actually be made out of duct tape

But is it "duck tape, duck tape, grey duck tape" or "duck tape, duck tape, goose tape?"
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:18 PM on March 1, 2016 [10 favorites]

What kind of philistine wears shoes indoors?
posted by Joseph Gurl at 4:19 PM on March 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

What kind of philistine wears shoes indoors?

Yeah, my method is "brush cat liter off one foot, sock, slipper, brush cat litter off other foot, sock, slipper, finish getting dressed (as well as shaving, etc), check email, play with the cat, pack my lunch, shoe, shoe, out the door (foiling yet another cat master plan for escape to the Eden of the back landing.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:22 PM on March 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

What the hell are all of you doing on the floor that you care whether shoes have walked on it?
posted by USER X at 4:23 PM on March 1, 2016 [6 favorites]

Sock, sock, slipper, slipper, make coffee, get breakfast, dry hair, check metafilter, check work email and calendar, do any dishes left from last night, tidy apartment, make lunch, take off slipper, take off other slipper, shoe, shoe.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 4:25 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Hah. That scene from All in the Family was the first thing I thought about when this subject came up even though I probably haven't scene it since it was first broadcast.

It's funny how much of an impact that scene had. So many people remember it, and All in the Family isn't one of those shows that people have watched and re-watched in syndication over the years. I bet most people have only seen it once or twice, ever, unless they specifically looked for it online in recent years.
posted by Room 641-A at 4:30 PM on March 1, 2016

What kind of philistine wears shoes indoors?

Mr. Rogers. Off go the outside shoes and sweater, on go the inside shoes and sweater.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 4:32 PM on March 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

Duck tape is a brand of duct tape that is specifically designed for taping ducks to each other but I strongly recommend against trying this unless you have specialized training and/or duck-proof protective gear.
posted by dephlogisticated at 4:45 PM on March 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

You can bill me.
posted by USER X at 4:46 PM on March 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

I tuck my undershirt into my underwear, which I think is really weird but it works great for staying tucked in. I think I learned that either here or on Twitter.
posted by slogger at 4:48 PM on March 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

Sock, sock, wander off for an hour because I forgot I was supposed to be leaving to go to the grocery store, shoe, wait, no, not that shoe, where are the right shoes, those aren't the right shoes, oh there's the right shoe, wait that's only the left shoe, look under various pieces of furniture, find a different pair of shoes, shoe, shoe.

If I'm getting dressed for work, insert two changes of socks because I've realized the intended socks don't actually match my shirt, and one change of shoes because those shoes look wrong with those pants. I dream of working from home largely so I stop wasting so much time trying to render myself presentable.
posted by Sequence at 4:51 PM on March 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

Also, I declared my allegiance on this issue previously.
posted by slogger at 4:53 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

If one has one foot, there exists one ordering for this operation.

2 feet, there exists 2 orderings.

Obviously, generalization to n feet is the next step.
posted by hleehowon at 4:56 PM on March 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

I live in Canada now so it only makes sense to do sock sock slipper slipper remove slipper remove slipper shoe shoe. Now when I see a character on tv or a movie wearing shoes inside, all I can think is "MONSTER". Who is going to clean the ice melt and salt off of the floor all over the house?
posted by betsybetsy at 4:57 PM on March 1, 2016 [8 favorites]

Oh god, someone is going to have to figure out big O for the shoe-putting-on algorithm, and it is not going to be me.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 4:57 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

The application of the problem to generalizations of matrix inversion is also obvious.
posted by hleehowon at 4:58 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

USER X: "What the hell are all of you doing on the floor that you care whether shoes have walked on it?"

Sitting, lying down, taking a nap, playing guitar, playing with Lego, checking kids' homework, wrestling, wrassling, eating dessert, situps.
posted by Bugbread at 4:59 PM on March 1, 2016 [7 favorites]

People put one sock on and then one shoe? This.... this is a thing that happens?

WHAT IN THE FUCK??? FUCK THIS!!! TRUMP 2016!
posted by selfnoise at 5:01 PM on March 1, 2016

Bugbread, I use gaffer's tape instead. It holds just as well but doesn't get stuck like the other stuff.
posted by infinitewindow at 5:07 PM on March 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

Also, four dogs = two shoes on in the house at all times. They are good at letting us know when they need to go, but they are bad at wiping their paws before re-entering.
posted by infinitewindow at 5:10 PM on March 1, 2016

slogger, I learned that underwear-tucking technique from an AskMe some six years ago. Apparently I also absorbed the apple-eating technique, too, but not from the same place on MetaFilter. Weird.
posted by cgc373 at 5:10 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Right sock, left sock, right shoe, left shoe, tie left shoe then tie right shoe.
posted by AugustWest at 5:11 PM on March 1, 2016

Not to derail this derail, but am I the only person who totally avoids typing "duct tape" (or "duck tape") now?

I just sidestep the issue by calling it gaffer tape.
posted by Dysk at 5:16 PM on March 1, 2016

I live in Canada. Shoes and socks are in very different parts of the house.

You're all monsters!
posted by blue_beetle at 5:20 PM on March 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

Sitting, lying down, taking a nap, playing guitar, playing with Lego, checking kids' homework, wrestling, wrassling, eating dessert, situps.

This is why God invented furniture. And area rugs.
posted by USER X at 5:22 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

I just sidestep the issue by calling it gaffer tape.

Duct tape is not gaff tape, and woe be upon anybody who can't tell the difference.
posted by zachlipton at 5:23 PM on March 1, 2016 [11 favorites]

That would be quite a gaff!
posted by USER X at 5:23 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

USER X: "This is why God invented furniture. And area rugs."

Well, yes, area rugs (except for homework, because you need a flat surface for that). I was assuming the "I wear shoes indoors" people wore their shoes on all horizontal roughly-floor level surfaces, not that they took their shoes off every time they came to a rug.

And god invented furniture for guests.
posted by Bugbread at 5:27 PM on March 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

Maybe not every rug. But I'm guessing you probably aren't rolling around on all horizontal roughly-floor level surfaces, either. Maybe if you have pets or small children, but then if you have pets and small children you do not have clean floors.
posted by USER X at 5:34 PM on March 1, 2016

You put your socks on when you wake up. You put your shoes on when you leave the house. Sock shoe sock shoe would clearly require skipping coffee, breakfast, shower, and teeth-brushing.
posted by 256 at 5:41 PM on March 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

Also, to all of you "no shoes in the house" people - and I'm saying this with love - some of your guests are secretly squicked out by all your sweaty, smelly, dirty sock feet, and do not look forward to soaking up whatever fungus is stewing in your carpet.
posted by USER X at 5:41 PM on March 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

You put your socks on when you wake up. You put your shoes on when you leave the house. Sock shoe sock shoe would clearly require skipping coffee, breakfast, shower, and teeth-brushing.

You shower in your socks?
posted by zachlipton at 5:43 PM on March 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

Whose socks do you suggest we shower in?
posted by USER X at 5:45 PM on March 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

Also, when at the gym do you take off all streetwear before putting on gym clothes, or take off shirt and replace with tee, etc?

I just walk to the gym in my gym clothes. The Y is only two blocks away.
posted by octothorpe at 5:47 PM on March 1, 2016

I... I actually put on my socks, take them off to shower, and then put them back on again.

And there are actually people out there that think that outdoor-shoes-walked-on floors are cleaner than socks-walked-on floors? Really?
posted by 256 at 5:48 PM on March 1, 2016

Also, to all of you "no shoes in the house" people - and I'm saying this with love - some of your guests are secretly squicked out by all your sweaty, smelly, dirty sock feet, and do not look forward to soaking up whatever fungus is stewing in your carpet.

Hence the slippers. They're like shoes for indoors!
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 5:52 PM on March 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

You know what else are like shoes for indoors? Shoes.
posted by USER X at 5:53 PM on March 1, 2016 [8 favorites]

I mean, do you invite your guests to bring their own slippers, or is a visit like going to the bowling alley?
posted by USER X at 5:56 PM on March 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

As a Canadian who lived in the U.S. for years, I am still occasionally plagued by dreams about going to a dinner party, reflexively taking my shoes off at the door, and, only as dessert is being served realizing that I am the only one in sock feet.
posted by 256 at 5:59 PM on March 1, 2016 [9 favorites]

I'm fine with other people wearing their shoes in my apartment. Sometimes they take them off and sometimes they don't, but I'm not fussed. I take my own shoes off, because slippers are comfier and because it makes it easier to keep the place clean, and there's nobody vacuuming or mopping floors here but me. I don't expect guests to contribute to my household cleanliness, but when it's just me, I prefer to make things easier on myself.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 6:00 PM on March 1, 2016 [6 favorites]

Note that there are twice as many ways to do "socK-socK-shoE-shoE" as "socK-shoE-socK-shoE", because one can do socK-socK-(last sock's shoE)-(first sock's shoE) OR socK-socK-(first sock's shoE)-(last sock's shoE) for socK-socK-shoE-shoE. No such reordering is allowable for socK-shoE-socK-shoE without violating the non-commutativity of socks and shoes.

Therefore, under the null hypothesis that there is no other force biasing the preference for socK-socK-shoE-shoE over socK-shoE-socK-shoE, we should expect twice as many people in the "socK-socK-shoE-shoE" state as in "socK-shoE-socK-shoE" state.

(In other news, I am a nerd, running a fever, and drunk, which is why I need camel case to tell my socks & shoes apart.)
posted by Westringia F. at 6:02 PM on March 1, 2016 [7 favorites]

Yes, but do you put your pants/trousers on one leg at a time, and if so, which leg, and if not, HOW DO YOU DO YHAT?
posted by oneswellfoop at 6:10 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

USER X: "Also, to all of you "no shoes in the house" people - and I'm saying this with love - some of your guests are secretly squicked out by all your sweaty, smelly, dirty sock feet, and do not look forward to soaking up whatever fungus is stewing in your carpet."

I can guarantee you that none of my guests are squicked out by our bare feet, and would be insanely squicked out if we wore shoes.

This may be due to the fact that all of our guests are Japanese, what with living in Japan and all.
posted by Bugbread at 6:18 PM on March 1, 2016 [8 favorites]

I'd sort of like to avoid the shoes-in-the-house debate because although a lot of people see it as good-spirited joking, there's always some amount of genuine disgust / disapproval / shaming underneath some comments and, the thing is, this is a cultural/regional variation that actually makes some good sense -- shoes-off tends toward snowy/rainy climates and shoes-on tends toward drier climates (and especially in regions where men's boots are common). And there are regions where it varies on a house-to-house basis so, really, the rule should be that whatever is the custom in the house you're in or visiting is the right way to do things when you're there.

Seriously, it's totally okay if other people have different customs than you do.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 6:26 PM on March 1, 2016 [10 favorites]

USER X, you are not gonna win this fight. Everyone is allowed to wear shoes or not in their own house, and may or may not ask guests to follow the house rules.

Me, I mostly wear slippers (with socks, because this is SF and our house has no central heat) but I will cop to walking in with shoes and dropping my stuff in the kitchen/living room and then returning to the front room to take my shoes off. Also, I like to stretch out on the couch or chaise longue and I ain't putting my shoes on the furniture.

Also also, I grew up in Hawaii where you do not wear shoes inside. And then we moved to New England where they have mud rooms for your boots/shoes for a reason.
posted by rtha at 6:29 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

technically in hawaii you don't always have to wear shoes outside either
posted by poffin boffin at 6:44 PM on March 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

Sock, sock, shoe, shoe; even when camping because typically if it's cold enough to wear socks I wear them to sleep, then in the morning I shake my boots out in the vestibule and stick my legs out to don them while my butt is still on the sleeping pad. Then it's boots all day until the campfire, at which point my besocked feet will rest on a nice log toward the fire, keeping them free from campsite dirt.
posted by a halcyon day at 6:44 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

I did have awesome tough feet when I was little, yeah. #noshoesftw
posted by rtha at 6:52 PM on March 1, 2016

Duct tape is not gaff tape, and woe be upon anybody who can't tell the difference.

Right, but in the sorts of circles and contexts I move in, nobody ever has or needs actual gaffer tape, but we rarely if ever do any duct work, but lots of gaffing, so all the duct tape just becomes 'gaffer tape'. We're using it to down the gaff, after all.
posted by Dysk at 6:54 PM on March 1, 2016

Kinda weird that you signed up today just to hash this out in MetaTalk User X, but maybe you've got a reputation elsewhere on the site as a normal person to uphold.

Perhaps someone else linked to it but I missed it, but here's the thread where we hashed out shoes in the house last time.

Arguing about there being one right way to do it is pretty tedious and I get that this is one of those threads that's basically already a waste of electrons, but continuing to grind that axe isn't going to go anywhere useful.
posted by GuyZero at 6:55 PM on March 1, 2016

First pants, THEN your shoes
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 6:58 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

GuyZero: "Kinda weird that you signed up today just to hash this out in MetaTalk User X, but maybe you've got a reputation elsewhere on the site as a normal person to uphold."

I think you missed these two exchanges:

(from the Cultivating Community thread)
cortex: "I draw a big line in my mind between "HERE IS AN ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT USER X, EVERYBODY TALK ABOUT USER X" and "HOW IS EVERYBODY DOING, TALK ABOUT YOURSELF IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT""

Followed by User X's first MeFi comment:
USER X: "EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!!! [UH! Uh-uh Uh-UH!]"

and then in this thread:

MoonOrb: "Shouldn't people be exclusively using sockpuppet accounts in this thread?"

USER X: "sockpuppet, sockpuppet, shoepuppet, shoepuppet"
posted by Bugbread at 7:14 PM on March 1, 2016 [6 favorites]

Perhaps someone else linked to it but I missed it, but here's the thread where we hashed out shoes in the house last time.

That is the thread that made me pay the $5. I couldn't go to sleep without pointing out how intrinsically wrong it is to wear shoes in the house.
posted by 256 at 7:16 PM on March 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

For fairness, one should use the Shoe-Morse sequence.
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 7:21 PM on March 1, 2016

Followed by User X's first MeFi comment:
USER X: "EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!!! [UH! Uh-uh Uh-UH!]"

The conclusion is clearly that I'm not stalking enough.
posted by GuyZero at 7:24 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

I am finding this "sock sock shoe shoe" vs "sock shoe sock shoe" notation troublesome, and would like to suggest the initialisms 'SSSS' for the former and 'SSSS' for the latter.

Such a crucial discourse deserves no less.
posted by pompomtom at 7:26 PM on March 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

Shoepuppet is cutepuppet but it hasn't a mouth.
posted by nobody at 7:40 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

I came in solely (no pun intended) to post the video mudpuppie already did. (I can quote far too much All in the Family from memory.) This one time, Archie was right!

For all the people whose shoes and socks don't live in the same room, there are the others of us who put our shoes on in the bedroom (or wherever else we are dressing) AND WEAR SHOES IN OUR HOMES*. But even if I'm not wearing shoes while home, any shoe I'm not wearing goes back in the closet immediately. Any other way leads to anarchy!

If I'm putting on grownup clothes (hosiery and heels or dress pumps), I put those on in the bedroom and wear them until I leave the house. If I'm wearing casual shoes (generally sneakers), I take them out of the closet and put them on near the front door (because sneaker treads can track something in that ladies' treadless shows generally don;t). I'll wear regular socks around the house, shoeless, but I can't stand the feel of any other kind of hosiery (stockings, hose, knee-highs) on carpet or flooring.

*FWIW, people with diabetes are told to never go barefoot except when bathing. I suspect most of us are not very compliant in this regard.

Also, people nap on their FLOORS, like in kindergarten, without breaking their backs? Egads! ;-)
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 7:42 PM on March 1, 2016

I just wish I could easily take my pants off and pull them on without taking off my shoes. That'd be the best.
posted by klarck at 7:45 PM on March 1, 2016

I don't like shoes in the house -- if I had an arctic entry (aka mud room) I would keep all my shoes there and they would literally never enter the house. But I let guests do whatever they want, because that seems more polite.

My socks are in the dresser next to the bed, as are my shorts and my pants. My shoes are in the closet, as are my shirts. I therefore put on one sock, then walk to the closet to get one shoe, then walk back to the dresser to get another sock, then back to the closet to get another shoe, then I walk back to the dresser to put on my undershorts, then back to the closet to get a shirt, then back to the dresser to get my pants, then back to the closet to get my belt, then back to the valet on my dresser for my wallet and keys. YOU DON'T OWN ME, EFFICIENCY EXPERTS!!!

I have no opinion on sock/shoe/etc vs sock/sock/etc, but the idea of shoes before underwear is too horrible to contemplate.

I tuck my undershirt into my underwear, which I think is really weird but it works great for staying tucked in. I think I learned that either here or on Twitter.

I have never seen anyone under the age of 70 doing this, but it seems to be near-universal with old guys. I never tuck in any shirt, ever, so I avoid even the possibility that way.

I mean, do you invite your guests to bring their own slippers, or is a visit like going to the bowling alley?

I have been to quite a few houses with baskets of loaner slippers, which I would appreciate more if they ever had any large enough.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:46 PM on March 1, 2016

Duck Tape, made just down the road from me, in Avon, Ohio.


Right, but in the sorts of circles and contexts I move in, nobody ever has or needs actual gaffer tape, but we rarely if ever do any duct work, but lots of gaffing, so all the duct tape just becomes 'gaffer tape'. We're using it to down the gaff, after all.

I am very sorry to tell you this, Dysk, but you will simply have to start hanging out with a different kind of people. The kind of people who are willing to stand up for what is right and true and honest, the kind of people who take the difference between duct tape and gaffer tape seriously. (About 10 bucks a roll is the first difference, so, no, you can't just "borrow" my gaff tape and wander off into the distance with it.)
posted by soundguy99 at 7:46 PM on March 1, 2016 [6 favorites]

"First pants, THEN your shoes"

As the mother of two small children still mastering the art of dressing themselves I spend more time explaining this concept than I would have ever thought possible.

"For all the people whose shoes and socks don't live in the same room"

I actually take socks from the bedroom and toss a few pairs by the shoe storage bench by the door, because going back to the bedroom to find socks before I can put on shoes is very annoying. (I am die-hard barefoot at home, no matter how cold it is.) When I run out and have to grumblingly go get more from the bedroom sock drawer, I grab a couple extra pairs to restock the shoe-adjacent socks.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 7:49 PM on March 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

Note the height difference to prevent sand, dirt, etc. from just being blown in by the wind. This is how you keep floors clean.
posted by Bugbread at 7:58 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Undershirt, underwear. Tuck undershirt in (I'm 33, not 70). Shirt, pants, belt. SOCK SOCK SHOE SHOE.

Deodorant goes on the night before.
posted by zebra at 7:58 PM on March 1, 2016

What a freak show this web site is; you people sicken me.

Sock, sock, then shoe, shoe.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:58 PM on March 1, 2016 [6 favorites]

sometimes if i only leave the house one time for like 20 minutes i will wear those same 20 minute socks again the next day and i regret nothing
posted by poffin boffin at 8:03 PM on March 1, 2016 [9 favorites]

> Deodorant goes on the night before.

Wait, what??! Do you bathe at night or something? (How does that work? How do any of you night-bathers wake up in the morning without a morning shower? I will never understand people apparently.)
posted by rtha at 8:07 PM on March 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

So nobody else does "left underwear leg, left pant leg, left shirt sleeve, left sock, left shoe, right underwear leg, right pant leg, right shirt sleeve, right sock, right shoe"?
posted by Bugbread at 8:08 PM on March 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

Wait, what??! Do you bathe at night or something?

I do often bathe at night (in which case deodorant goes on right after the shower), but deodorant goes on at night regardless. Works better that way. It's science!
posted by zebra at 8:17 PM on March 1, 2016

I scandalized a Kenyan friend who was teaching me how to climb trees while I was wearing a skirt - I told him I'd try again later when I was wearing pants.

Socks suck unless it's actively snowing and my ankles would otherwise be exposed. Shoes aren't much better, but they are occasionally a necessary evil.
posted by ChuraChura at 8:17 PM on March 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

rtha: "Wait, what??! Do you bathe at night or something? (How does that work? How do any of you night-bathers wake up in the morning without a morning shower? I will never understand people apparently.)"

There are whole countries that bathe at night. Once you get used to it, the idea of getting into bed all sweaty or smokey or dusty or stinky and rolling around in your own filth all night feels really gross. (It's purely a psychological thing, because 99.99% of the time you're just not that dirty anyway, but psychology's gonna psychology). No morning shower, because you don't get dirty from lying on clean sheets for seven hours, though sometimes people rewet their hair to fix bedhead, and of course people wash their faces.

If you mean "how do you wake up" in the sense of "how do you go from groggy to crisp and alert", that just naturally happens over the course of 15 minutes or so. Some people wake up and immediately make and drink coffee, and then ascribe their alertness to the coffee. Some people wake up and immediately take a shower, and then ascribe their alertness to the shower. Some people wake up and immediately wash their face, and then ascribe their alertness to the face-washin'. The reality is that just being awake for about 15 minutes is enough to wake you up, and the rest is basically post hoc ergo propter hoc.
posted by Bugbread at 8:18 PM on March 1, 2016 [9 favorites]

So nobody else does "left underwear leg, left pant leg, left shirt sleeve, left sock, left shoe, right ...

LEFT FIRST??!

What kind of a barbarian are you? I will fight you.
posted by pompomtom at 8:25 PM on March 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

Okay, since we're all here, a quick question so I don't have to use up an AskMe:

In American movies you often see people put their feet up on the bed while still wearing shoes. As a kid (in America), my family wore shoes indoors but you would never put your feet up on furniture, including beds. I don't think I ever saw a friend put their shoe-clad feet on a bed, either. I just assumed this was a movie trope meant to show that someone is a maverick / badass. However, my wife (and all other Japanese folks who I've discussed this with) assumed that people in the US really did put their dirty shoes up on the bed. After hearing that enough, I've started thinking maybe I'm the one making the weird assumption, and that while my family didn't do it, putting your shoes up on the bed is something Americans really do in appreciable numbers (if not necessarily the majority of people). Is this an actual thing or just something a very, very small number of people do that is inordinately represented in movies?
posted by Bugbread at 8:28 PM on March 1, 2016

NOT A THING
posted by zebra at 8:30 PM on March 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

No shoes on beds*. Maybe desks, ottomans, sofas, etc... if you're a maverick, a rude person, and/or you own the furniture and don't care.

* Unless you've collapsed on said bed for whatever reason. The polite thing to do though would be to collapse with your feet dangling off the end of the bed, and courteous drunks keep this in mind.
posted by zachlipton at 8:33 PM on March 1, 2016 [7 favorites]

Sit at edge of bed.
Hang one sock over dog's muzzle.
Stay!
Put on other sock.
Remove sock from dog's muzzle.
Who's a good boy? It's you! You're a good boy!
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:41 PM on March 1, 2016 [13 favorites]

> that just naturally happens over the course of 15 minutes or so

Not in this nature! I mean, I guess I am technically awake - I have made and drunk coffee, fed the cats, like that - but I don't really feel human until I've had a shower (and been yelled at by the shower-yelling-cat while I'm in there). So by "awake" I guess I mean "human."
posted by rtha at 8:42 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

if I had an arctic entry (aka mud room) I would keep all my shoes there and they would literally never enter the house. But I let guests do whatever they want, because that seems more polite.

That's basically me. All shoes live by the door (or in the back hall for rarely-used shoes) and guests do mostly what they want. I don't have carpet, just a few area rugs, and anyone squicked by that can have someone else fix their computer. At my summer place though, we're a little more serious about shoes off inside and we have spare slippers and let visitors know ahead of time. I spend most of the day in socks and sometimes wear indoor crocs around the house. Shoes on beds makes me freak out!

I will sometimes get a shirt halfway on, like one arm in, and then go walking around the room to do something else, it's like the weirdest dumbest thing. And then I "come to" and am like "What they hell am I doing. Why can't I dress myself at this age?"
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 8:43 PM on March 1, 2016 [9 favorites]

I am a left first person, just so you know.
posted by Oyéah at 8:44 PM on March 1, 2016

Is this an actual thing or just something a very, very small number of people do that is inordinately represented in movies?

Shoes on the bedspread in a hotel room when I've got like 30 minutes in the room before I have to get up and go somewhere, sure.

Otherwise, no shoes on bed.

(The movie thing is probably honestly more about the necessity for time compression, like people in movies always swoop into a parking spot right in front of where they need to be. Nobody wants to spend ten minutes of the movie watching someone drive around the block six times looking for parking; dude who just swung his shoes onto the bed is gonna get up in ten seconds for Plot Reasons, no point wasting time showing him taking his shoes off and then putting them back on.)
posted by soundguy99 at 8:49 PM on March 1, 2016 [9 favorites]

Wait, what??! Do you bathe at night or something? (How does that work? How do any of you night-bathers wake up in the morning without a morning shower? I will never understand people apparently.)

I always shower at night because I HATE HATE HATE mornings with a fiery burning passion. They are the bane of my existence, and there is nothing in this world that could compel me to douse my body in water first thing in the morning.

How do you people subject yourself to such horror??? My mornings are basically:

15 min - 30 mins of hitting the snooze button
Curse whatever nonexistent deity inflicts the horror that is getting out of bed before noon
1 hour of reading mefi in bed while forcing myself to eat breakfast (aka Diet Coke + breakfast cookie because ugh mornings whatever I'm a barbarian)
15 minutes of throwing on clothing and makeup and rushing out the door because somehow I'm running late even though I've technically been up for 1.5 - 2 hours

If I had to shower in the mornings...well, I just wouldn't. So night time shower it is!

Also, when I say morning, I mean any time after I've fallen asleep and before 1 pm.
posted by litera scripta manet at 8:52 PM on March 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

Oh, also, I much prefer being all clean and showered when I'm getting in bed for the night, especially during the summer. And then in the winter, well, it's New England, so being cold and showering and knowing that you're going to go outside and be even colder just makes for 100% more horribleness.
posted by litera scripta manet at 8:54 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

rtha: "I mean, I guess I am technically awake - I have made and drunk coffee, fed the cats, like that - but I don't really feel human until I've had a shower (and been yelled at by the shower-yelling-cat while I'm in there). So by "awake" I guess I mean "human.""

Basically, over the years you've just trained yourself through repetition to feel that way, just like I've (unintentionally) trained myself to feel like going to bed without a shower feels icky and horrible, despite the fact that I spent the first 20 years of my life not bathing before bed.
posted by Bugbread at 8:55 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Yeah, that's pretty much what it is in reverse for me, Bugbread. I am really not a Morning Person by nature, but by habit. I get up an hour and half before I have to leave for work just so I can leisurely drink coffee and read the internet and generally pull on my human being suit.

I do shower in the afternoon/evening if we've been out for a long hike or if that day's hawkwatch has been hot and gnatty and I am all over dust and sunscreen.
posted by rtha at 9:02 PM on March 1, 2016

How do any of you night-bathers wake up in the morning without a morning shower?

I don't even think I understand this question. I'm not only a night bather, I'm an only some nights bather. But I also basically don't do that get up and go to work thing, so I think there are a lot of things about the way most people's worlds work which is confusing to me. So I think the answer to your question is: you do it by not having a full time job that requires you to wake up before you want to.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 9:07 PM on March 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

The Night-bathers is a wonderful name, maybe for a novel with a really charming cover.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 9:09 PM on March 1, 2016 [13 favorites]

The closest I come to morning showers is when my sleep schedule gets real fucked up and I'm showering at 3 am because I'm staying up until 6 am and sleeping in until noon, but that really only happens when I'm in between semesters and don't have to maintain normal working hours.

But ugh, mornings are the worst. It's like, my brain can wake up so I'm okay to do quiet brain intensive work (after an appropriate 2 hour waking up period), but my body just refuses to really wake up until 12 pm or later, so any excess physical exertion just makes me feel like absolute shit. I can't even begin to fathom voluntarily exercising in the morning. Pretty sure I would after like 2 minutes I would just curl up in the fetal position and never get up.

Oddly enough, waking up at 3 or 4 am is actually easier for me than waking up any time between 6 am and 9 am. I guess it's because that's still in the time period when my internal clock wants to naturally be awake.

And speaking of getting up in the mornings, I guess I should get off mefi and try to force myself to go to sleep since i have to be up in 7 hours.

Adulting sucks.
posted by litera scripta manet at 9:27 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Is this an actual thing or just something a very, very small number of people do that is inordinately represented in movies?

Yeah, shoes on bed just feels incredibly wrong. I sometimes wear my shoes in the house if I've just gotten home or if I'm getting ready to leave (unless I've got ice and snow and crap on my shoes), but definitely no shoes on the furniture, especially not the bed.
posted by litera scripta manet at 9:30 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: bisocksual
posted by John Cohen at 9:36 PM on March 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

Blue collar = night bathing.

White collar = morning bathing.

Terry collar (telecommute) = Friday bathing.
posted by notyou at 9:43 PM on March 1, 2016 [16 favorites]

I can't really face a new day without a shower first, preferably a nice long, hot shower. But that's partly because showers are extremely comforting to me -- I will sit in the shower, sometimes with the light off, just to decompress. I'm also an extreme night-owl and mornings always were a big problem for me and therefore morning showers also function as a way for me to feel clean and refreshed and finally ready for the day. However, I've also found that showering before bed is pleasant, too, in that I actually sleep better when I've just cleaned. I don't do it regularly, though.

And, per jessamyn's comment, the way I grew up and my own preference is such that it was shocking to me to discover that many people I knew didn't shower daily. And for many people, it's not necessary. For some people, it is. And for a lot of people, it's just preference and culture.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:01 PM on March 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

"What the hell am I doing. Why can't I dress myself at this age?"

is what I asked myself whilst gassing up the car when I noticed I was wearing my no-back fuzzy house slippers.

it only gets worse, jessamyn
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 10:07 PM on March 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

Skin, Brains, Shoes.
posted by Going To Maine at 11:11 PM on March 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

One is currently traveling, on my own, through the shires of Englande. As one is therefore the sole charge of preparing my corpus on this fine morning, I have noted my routine which is written here for your information, entertainment or personal pleasure.

6:50 - I awake to the rhythmic and vocal sounds of the couple in the next room indulging in carnal and conjugal activities. Though somewhat irksome, I remember from yesterday morning that the procedure is, in their case, brief in nature.
6:52 - They conclude to sounds of minor disappointment. A wood pigeon loudly stirs in a nearby tree.
6:53 - One turns on Ye Olde MacBooke Pro and checks Politico, MetaFilter, Twitter, Facebook, The Guardian, The BBC, and email, in that specific order, for intellectual pabulum.
7:25 - I turn on the television apparatus. Mr Trump appears, flexiloquent in nature. I hurriedly turn off the television apparatus.
7:26 - Arising, I attend to the most important element of the morning routine, namely the preparation and consumption of the first mug of coffee.
7:32 - I attend to duties of a water closet nature, the detail of which you neither require, nor desire.
7:35 - I consider where the hair brush has mysteriously disappeared to overnight, enforcing my growing resistentialism beliefs.
7:36 - I locate the hairbrush.
7:37 - The first attempt at brushing my beard is undertaken.
7:44 - The second mug of coffee is created.
7:51 - I remove the clothing of the previous night, namely a Green Bay Packers shirt (my apologies to Iowa), one's underpants, and a pair of Magic Roundabout socks.
7:52 - The shower commences. Hair is attended to first, as I dislike the effort this requires and prefer to get this onerous task out of the way.
7:55 - Soaping next, working from the waist upwards.
7:56 - Legs.
7:57 - Everywhere that is left. Again, you do not require the details. I then submit to a long and pleasurable rinse of hot water.
8:05 - I emerge and begin the towelling procedure.
8:09 - The third mug of coffee is undertaken.
8:15 - The second attempt at brushing my beard is undertaken. Further progress to deglutinate the strands is achieved.
8:18 - The first attempt at brushing my post-shower hair is undertaken.
8:20 - The postage arrives, with missives from distant shores. I glance at the stamps and briefly consider another flirtation with timbrology.
8:21 - The fourth mug of coffee is created and consumed. Though not saltant, one is beginning to feel awake, alive, approaching a condition of optimal functionality.
8:24 - My bowels suddenly send signals to my brain. I recollect the hot curry that was consumed in fine company the previous evening. The signals come rapidly.
8:25 - [you don't want to know]
8:38 - I hurriedly open all of the windows I can reach in my current abode, though this involves standing on a chair at one point. I catch sight of the lady in the opposite abode looking in my direction. I remember that I should, perhaps, get dressed.
8:41 - In order: underpants, Iowa t-shirt, left sock, right sock, note that socks do not match, remove right sock, remove left sock, put on new left sock, put previous left sock on right foot, trousers, fleece.
8:45 - The third attempt at brushing my beard is undertaken.
8:47 - A flibbertigibbet stops in the street outside, but thankfully quickly moves on.
8:48 - The second attempt at brushing my post-shower hair is undertaken.
8:52 - I make a fifth mug of coffee, but this one is not consumed quickly, as my caffeine desire is largely sated by this point.
8:55 - I commence the writing of this missive.
posted by Wordshore at 1:35 AM on March 2, 2016 [11 favorites]

Skin, Brains, Shoes.

But do you put on your skin or the Sacrifice's first?
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:06 AM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'm in a country where most people wear their shoes indoors. This, too, is a shoes indoors household, if only because we tend to walk in and out of the parts of the house that are under construction, as well as the workshop / motorbike shed (also a part of the house). Since those areas aren't clean, you'll want to wear shoes there, and removing them and putting them back on all the time is just not feasible.
Plus, it's true that this is a cultural thing. And all the playful banter about how I must be a horrible person because of that... yeah, it gets a bit old.

Shoes on furniture are never okay. And when I'm a guest, I follow the rules of the house. If I know I'll be staying in a socks/slippers indoors household, I bring slippers. It's not like we're all a bunch of barbarians, okay?
posted by Too-Ticky at 2:14 AM on March 2, 2016 [2 favorites]

I shower at night because I've noticed that's the only way to get my hair to poof up and be big and huge the way I want it to be. If I shower in the morning, it just hangs down around my shoulders all day and I look like some weird hippie guy.
posted by teponaztli at 2:30 AM on March 2, 2016

Although to be fair, I guess walking around with a giant mane of hair in all directions from your scalp also probably makes you look like some weird hippie guy.
posted by teponaztli at 2:31 AM on March 2, 2016 [2 favorites]

Remember, the cult chant reminds you to present blood first, skulls second to the Blood God. You should always place skulls left to right, lowest to highest. Interestingly, you can pretty much throw and pour the blood however you like; there are no rules, but the Blood God will let you know if you have transgressed.

No Armor of Eternal Pain on the sofas in the waiting room, and leave your gore-stained giant cleavers in the racks by the door.

This isn't etiquette people; it's doctrine.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:38 AM on March 2, 2016 [3 favorites]

I was always taught that skulls should be stacked by the skull throne. That you don't even mention the skull throne makes me deeply suspicious of your advice.
posted by Dysk at 2:45 AM on March 2, 2016 [5 favorites]

I think it's funny that LobsterMitten told the thread to talk about anything else and then had to veto sock discussions. Religion, politics and socks. Just don't go there.

Also it's sock, sock, shoe, shoe, duh.
posted by kitten magic at 2:51 AM on March 2, 2016 [4 favorites]

If I were a blood god, part of me would probably be annoyed that people spent all that time arranging skulls in order by size - they're all going to the same place, people! - but part of me would probably also find it really satisfying.
posted by teponaztli at 3:02 AM on March 2, 2016 [2 favorites]

I am reading this as my morning coffee sits cooling, neglected: so much sudden self-doubt, so many questions about what the next hour holds!
posted by wenestvedt at 3:13 AM on March 2, 2016 [2 favorites]

i hate socks and refuse to wear them
posted by PinkMoose at 3:21 AM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

If I were a blood god, part of me would probably be annoyed that people spent all that time arranging skulls in order by size - they're all going to the same place, people! - but part of me would probably also find it really satisfying.

I know it's really kind of the new 'Thing' to be all haphazard with the skulls nowadays - I'm always seeing these millennials just lobbing them on the pile yelling about the skull throne - but realistically, skulls have a certain maximum structural integrity, and if you don't sort them correctly it just takes longer to build the actual throne. You've to lay them out neatly and properly cement them together. I know it always seems like sitting on a pile of skulls is going to be badass but in practice it doesn't actually work - the skulls just roll everywhere, and it's not very comfortable. So if we could just make sure we read the skull arrangement document that Steven from HR sent out last week that would be great. It's on the shared drive under S:/Skulls/Throne/Neatly_Arranged_Skulls_for_the_Sturdy_Well_Built_Skull_Throne.pdf
Thanks.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:46 AM on March 2, 2016 [11 favorites]

Last week, I had a group of close friends over to my apartment. For various reasons, despite really wanting to, I hadn't had my friends over to my space before (at least not these friends, and not in this apartment, which I moved into when I started med school last fall), so this was a big moment for me.

When we all tromped in, my friends all automatically took off their shoes just inside the front door. I grew up in a place where you only took your shoes off in your own bedroom or in places where you felt really at home, like your best friend's house or at your grandma's.

My friends are from places where shoes off in the house is the norm. So I know it's just habit, but that pile of shoes, and its implication that they all felt comfortable and at home in my space, really warmed the cockles of my heart.
posted by ocherdraco at 3:53 AM on March 2, 2016 [6 favorites]

I was always taught that of course you always take shoes off indoors. I wonder if the difference is due to countries where carpets are prevalent vs hard floors? Carpets are going to get grubby really quick if you have outdoor shoes on whereas hard floors can be cleaned more easily.
Of course it goes without saying you always leave the skulls in the skull rack by the front door and offer up the blood to the Blood God shrine, I assume that's the same the world over.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 4:02 AM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'm so prescient.
posted by Night_owl at 4:20 AM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

Sock! Sock! Shoe! Shoe!
That's the way we like to do!
posted by ignignokt at 6:13 AM on March 2, 2016 [5 favorites]

Right, for starters, it's Sock-L Sock-R Boot-L Boot-R in the eminently-sensible fruit machine of my life. Let's not have any nonsense. Two, I distinctly remember a Man From Uncle episode where Napoleon Solo was directed to remove one shoe only by his captors, so as to keep him off balance should he escape. You are hobbling yourselves, people! Thirdness, hypocritically I habitually half-remove my socks so that they cover the front of the foot but not the heel. Tripping hazard ahoy! Anyone else do this or have I hit upon The Next Segway? FORTH, trainer socks are Sin Objects for Bad People, speak not of them to me.
posted by comealongpole at 6:14 AM on March 2, 2016

RIDE OR DIE FOR BAREFOOT!
posted by RolandOfEld at 6:25 AM on March 2, 2016

sock sock shoe shoe

Until the Super Tuesday thread I didn't even know this was a point of contention. Yet another thing I learned on Metafilter.
posted by Twain Device at 6:26 AM on March 2, 2016

Sock sock sock sock shoe shoe.
posted by Etrigan at 6:35 AM on March 2, 2016 [5 favorites]

EndsOfInvention: I wonder if the difference is due to countries where carpets are prevalent vs hard floors? Carpets are going to get grubby really quick if you have outdoor shoes on whereas hard floors can be cleaned more easily.

No, I don't think so. I think we in shoes-indoor countries just need to rent carpet cleaners more often.

(worth it though)
posted by Too-Ticky at 6:38 AM on March 2, 2016

I was always taught that skulls should be stacked by the skull throne.

Oh, you think you're ready for the Skull Throne? Do you think you are an Adept? A Priest? You will tend to the Skull Dais until you receive the Eight Sacred Marks, lest the Blood Wind send your soul screaming into the Void forever.

Also, no shoes in the throne room. It's not that the Blood God finds all that mud and dust annoying; it's that He finds the occasional red-hot tile amusing.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:44 AM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

I have no answer for socks, but on the tape issue, I prefer hundred-mile-an-hour tape.
posted by corb at 6:52 AM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

One of my friends brought home a giant stack of the worlds comfiest disposable slippers from his last trip to Japan. (Apparently he told them that he liked their slippers and mentioned he wished he had those for his home and they happily donated to the cause. ) He also has plastic flip-flops (probably from a dollar store or something) in a large variety of sizes for people who prefer not to have their feet enclosed. He has a thing about hospitality. Given that the bottle of wine I always bring when I visit is probably worth more than the slippers, I guess he comes out ahead.
posted by Karmakaze at 7:06 AM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

Ahhh! Disposable slippers.

We've recently become a no shoes in the house household (shoulda switched ages ago!), and helping guests feel comfortable with it has been weird. I've been thinking of buying a dozen or so cheap pairs of slippers, in various sizes and keeping them handy... But disposable slippers sound like a more elegant solution.
posted by notyou at 7:18 AM on March 2, 2016

Metafilter: the skulls just roll everywhere
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:27 AM on March 2, 2016 [4 favorites]

But disposable slippers sound like a more elegant solution.

Didn't someone in the 90's invent and try to market "edible slippers" but for some utterly inexplicable reason it failed completely?
posted by Wordshore at 7:28 AM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

I grew up in a shoes indoors household, but as soon as I started living on my own, I switched. It's not really a cleanliness thing, although that doesn't hurt. It's just that my feet want to be free! (They don't want to be cold, though, so socks or slippers are usually on.) Shoes are *never* more comfortable than not-shoes when hanging around the house.

Guests can do what they want, I'm not a monster.
posted by misskaz at 7:29 AM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

No shoes on the furniture. That's the bargain that comes with shoes in the house.

And if you're planning on offering me slippers to wear as your guest, yes, they had better be of the not-currently-marinating-in-somebody-else's-foot-fungus, single-use, disposable slipper variety, or I am likely to slip off my pants and ask if you'd care to wear them, and do pardon the smell, I've been a little gassy.
posted by USER X at 7:41 AM on March 2, 2016

YOU PEOPLE ARE WEIRD!
posted by cjorgensen at 7:44 AM on March 2, 2016

Hobble-sock-hobble-sock-garter-garter- date night.

If you have allergies, always shower before getting into bed, especially in pollen season.
posted by Oyéah at 7:47 AM on March 2, 2016

Sock sock shoe shoe pants shirt pants shirt hat scarf coat
posted by grumpybear69 at 7:50 AM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

Guests can do what they want, I'm not a monster.

Oh, absolutely. But when they arrive and see the stack of shoes in the entryway cubby, and their slipper-shod hosts, the anguish flashes in their eyes as they decide what to do about their shoes. How nice just to hand them their own pair of fresh slippers!
posted by notyou at 7:54 AM on March 2, 2016

I think in the U.S. you'd probably use the search term "disposable spa slippers", though I'm seeing a wide variety in quality and price.
posted by Karmakaze at 9:06 AM on March 2, 2016

Shoe Shoe

socks are weird
posted by CarolynG at 9:10 AM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

There was an episode of All In The Family that featured an argument between Archie and Mike over this very question.

Was that the same episode as the "shoebooty" anecdote?
posted by aught at 9:22 AM on March 2, 2016

Nothing nothing nothing nothing, since that's what our ancestors did. Also pumpkin seeds mumble mumble paleo mumble.
posted by benzenedream at 9:26 AM on March 2, 2016 [2 favorites]

As Nimoy always said when he was Spock: Fascinating. But we have all failed to answer this key question from Frowner:

Also, when at the gym do you take off all streetwear before putting on gym clothes, or take off shirt and replace with tee, etc?

To which I say, clearly the complete nudity comes first so that all street clothes can be neatly arranged in the gym locker, but the gym clothes are right at hand so they can almost instantaneously go on as workout bottom, workout top, and then of course sock sock shoe shoe.
posted by bearwife at 10:26 AM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

Also, when they're coming off, under normal circumstances? Unshoe unsock unshoe unsock.

Unsock? But these are business socks, which I keep on to inform my partner that it's business time.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:26 AM on March 2, 2016 [3 favorites]

To which I say, clearly...

I agree with everything about this paragraph except that I will often find myself in the locker room wearing only (non-gym) socks because there is something wrong with my sequencing module.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 10:33 AM on March 2, 2016 [3 favorites]

Underpants t-shirt sock boot sock boot cargo pants minimizes pain for me.
posted by flabdablet at 10:48 AM on March 2, 2016

I don't understand people who dislike socks. What's there to dislike? Socks are great! Socks are ace! Up with socks! White sport socks you buy in bulk, high thread count Egyptian cotton fancy-pants socks, socks with holes in them, mismatched socks - they're all good.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 11:01 AM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

socks with holes are not good because the hole works its way over your big toe during the day and strangles it and then you take off your shoes to be weighed at your slimming club and you're standing there with an exposed big toe that's slowly turning blue and sporting a half-painted toenail or so I've heard
posted by billiebee at 11:09 AM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

Also, when at the gym do you take off all streetwear before putting on gym clothes, or take off shirt and replace with tee, etc?

I am lucky in that, despite being on the edge of a small English market town, my cheap and cheerful gym is only 4 minutes walk away (I only really go there for the rowing machine, and because there is a librarian from Estonia I chat with who also goes on Tuesdays and Thursdays).

So, I leave my abode with gym clothes underneath and an old fleece thrown over them. I use the shower back in my abode as the gym shower, on closer examination once ... nope.

I feel there is possibly a whole thread of potential for discussion of public shower / sauna / hot tub / swimming pool etiquette, protocol, routine, anecdotes and personal horror stories, but maybe another time.
posted by Wordshore at 11:24 AM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

Was that the same episode as the "shoebooty" anecdote?

Nope, different episode. Shoebooty was when Mike and Archie got locked in the storeroom of Archie's bar overnight; sock sock shoe shoe was when Mike and Archie had to share a bedroom for one night for some reason I no longer remember.

I probably know way too much about All in the Family.
posted by holborne at 11:38 AM on March 2, 2016 [3 favorites]

Okay, about camping.

Here's the drill:

Getting to bed, bottom up = Sit on the bag; take off both shoes, remove socks and hang them over each shoe to air out. Take off pants, slide your bare legs into the bag, and, sitting, take off shirt and undershirt. You should put your hat over the tops of your boots to keep the crawly guys out. During this operation you should roll your clothes in your jacket, to use as a pillow....if they are wet, you have to leave them out to dry, so use the next day's outfit for your pillow. Only wooses need thermal underwear to sleep in, but you can put them on while inside the bag.

Getting up, top down = Check your hat for crawly things, then put it on. Then your undershirt, outershirt--you do this sitting up, with your butt and legs still in the warmth of the bag; then pants, then socks--first shaking each of them and checking for crawly things. Shake your boots upside down, then visually, carefully, look inside them for crawly things, then put on your boots. Then you walk over to the fire pit and blow the coals to life, and make some coffee for your sweetie, who's still in the tent.

This way you start the day off as an "Aw Honey" (for the coffee), and without any buggy bites on your feet. Anyone wishing to be the designated aw-honey for the day gets up first.
posted by mule98J at 11:56 AM on March 2, 2016 [2 favorites]

Can I assume the "hat" you are referring to putting on before your shirts is a stocking cap?
posted by USER X at 12:03 PM on March 2, 2016

How nice just to hand them their own pair of fresh slippers!

Or paper shoe covers, hospital stylee....
posted by y2karl at 12:25 PM on March 2, 2016

I go commando! Shoe, shoe, that's it!
posted by a humble nudibranch at 12:27 PM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

I go commando!

Nudie branches, you say?
posted by USER X at 12:31 PM on March 2, 2016

rtha: shower-yelling-cat

THIS IS A THING? DO YOU HAVE VIDEO?

rtha, if you ever need a transparent sock-puppet account, I think it has a name already.
posted by chonus at 12:32 PM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

I should record it someday. Roswell doesn't do it every time I'm in the shower, but he is often very very worried about all the water falling on me! And he will poke his head around the shower curtain to glare at me and shout.

This is in strong contrast to Soren, may he rest in kitty heaven, who would climb into the shower while the water was running and sit in the place that had the most water falling.

In conclusion, cats are a land of contrasts.
posted by rtha at 12:39 PM on March 2, 2016 [4 favorites]

Watch tutorial, grunt, struggle, shoe, watch different tutorial, struggle, grunt, shoe
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:39 PM on March 2, 2016

Lately I'm sock shoe. My right foot is in a cast.
posted by Splunge at 12:55 PM on March 2, 2016 [2 favorites]

Relevant.
posted by Wordshore at 1:03 PM on March 2, 2016

I'm just popping in to say that if your circumstances make it inconvenient to remove your shoes in the house because you would have to do it too often, there is another option besides revoltingly tracking dog shit, human sputum, herbicides, and road grime through your house. You can buy these. We have them at the front and back doors. They're cheap, last a long time and are easy to take on and off. Problem solved.

Also it's sock sock shoe shoe. Because the socks are in the bedroom and the shoes are at the entrance to the house, where you left them because you didn't want to track shit, spit, and weed killer through the house.
posted by HotToddy at 1:14 PM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

White-collar night bather, because warm climate + warm body = sweat, and I like feeling relaxed and clean when I sleep. Plus it's better for your face skin.

No shoes in the house, which cuts down on dirt and sand inside as well as keeps shoes tidily in baskets or closets. Also it's Hawaii so people are accustomed to removing their shoes at the door.

Gaff(er) tape is definitely NOT duct tape, of which Duck tape is a brand. Some duct tape is aluminum-backed and also called 'speed tape' or '200 MPH' tape.

Shoes do NOT belong on beds, couches, daybeds, or chairs, though it's acceptable to hang one's shod feet off an ottoman at the ankle. Dissenters kindly see yourselves out.
posted by a halcyon day at 1:15 PM on March 2, 2016

Canadian climate means shoes are strictly forbidden in the house. If you need something more than socks, that is what slippers were invented for. So, sock sock and nothing unless I have to leave the house.

I swear, it is all I can do to stop myself from tackling my father-in-law int eh middle of our living room and ripping the damn shoes off his feet when he visits. The guy never takes them off at the door. I have a hard time even being in the same room with him it unnerves me so.
posted by fimbulvetr at 2:04 PM on March 2, 2016

Halcyon Day, go read the duct/duck tape article on Wikipedia. What you say is true, but that's not all there is to it.
posted by Bugbread at 2:19 PM on March 2, 2016

Wikipedia: According to etymologist Jan Freeman, the story that duct tape was originally called duck tape is "quack etymology"

If it walks like a duct...
posted by flabdablet at 2:34 PM on March 2, 2016 [2 favorites]

Cheesus. So originally it was duck cloth tape, which got used for ducts, but its current incarnation as plastic-backed duct tape is only Duck (brand) and not duck (cloth). Meaning fabric gaff tape is closer to its origins.

And:
The product now commonly called duct tape should not be confused with special tapes actually designed for sealing heating and ventilation (HVAC) ducts, though these tapes may also be called "duct tapes."
posted by a halcyon day at 2:44 PM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

Hmm. So, on further investigation, yes, there was a duck tape for decades before there was a duct tape, but it was a different thing entirely.
posted by Bugbread at 3:30 PM on March 2, 2016

Sock, sock, sock, sock, why in the hell is it so cold, sock, sock.

Shoes indoors is a climate / city / carpet thing though, right? You wouldn't keep them on if most excursions meant muddy, wet, or otherwise mark-making shoes. I'm glad to be a shoes off house, they're almost always uncomfortable (weird, Flinstone feet), and I would miss the opportunities to wiggle my toes on the sunlit part of a thick rug, or to nestle into slippers in the winter.

Also, purely on a pragmatic level, I feel like feet are slightly more conducive to the three second rule than shoes.
posted by lucidium at 5:05 PM on March 2, 2016

I hate wearing shoes. One of the nice things about working for a free-wheeling startup instead my old job at a stodgy fortune 500 company is that I have the freedom to leave my shoes under my desk and walk around the office in my socks when I want to.
posted by double block and bleed at 7:08 PM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

Also it's sock sock shoe shoe. Because the socks are in the bedroom and the shoes are at the entrance to the house,

I tend to do it in that order to, but it's not really necessary to keep socks in the bedroom. My daughter never wears socks* in the house, so we store hers in a box by the door. I don't know if she always puts them on in one order or the other, but I can tell you that when she comes home she takes them off: shoe, shoe, sock. Sometimes she'll take off the other sock, but usually much later, in another part of the house.

*socks, plural.
posted by Margalo Epps at 9:26 PM on March 2, 2016 [2 favorites]

Sock sock sandal sandal?
posted by Kabanos at 9:47 PM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

Only on Mefi will I learn that sock shoe sock shoe is even a thing that humans are able to comprehend let alone partake in. You guys are a bunch of weirdos and I love you.
posted by like_neon at 2:04 AM on March 3, 2016 [2 favorites]

Only on Mefi will I learn that sock shoe sock shoe is even a thing that humans are able to comprehend let alone partake in. You guys are a bunch of weirdos and I love you.

Ditto. I knocked up this post as an afterthought after being bewildered by the comments on the Super Tuesday thread. Thought it 50/50 the mods would nix the post as merely frippery (hence it's a flippant, short and throwaway post), and even if they let it run it would get something like 8 jokey comments tops.

Guess I'm a complete failure as a sock/shoe nerd and, not for the first time, I don't have a clue about this community (which I still love anyway)
posted by Wordshore at 3:10 AM on March 3, 2016

The only way I can understand this thread is as some kind of collective obsessive displacement activity induced by traumatic political shock.

Sock, sock, shoe, shoe.
posted by Segundus at 5:27 AM on March 3, 2016 [2 favorites]

most days:

| |

(that is, completely barefoot)

when i HAVE to leave the house:

shoe shoe.


about 2x a month:

sock sock shoe shoe.

full disclosure: i moved to florida and am working from home, or as i call it "installment based retirement"
posted by chasles at 5:44 AM on March 3, 2016 [2 favorites]

Sock sock shoe shoe, but I never wear shoes in the house. I barely ever remember to zip my fly, tho, so I might be an unreliable narrator.
posted by nevercalm at 5:59 AM on March 3, 2016 [2 favorites]

Wake up. Reach for phone. Be bewildered by other mefites' sock-shoe related habits.

Admit outside world exists. Stretch. Put down phone.

Sock sock slipper slipper putter putter unslipper shoe unslipper shoe.

No morning shower, that was a night thing so as to remove pollen/pet hair/whatever the fuck was on the plane last night I was so allergic to.

Note socks are all uniquely paired, and the laundry is incomplete until they are all matched back up. What, are you going to leave a poor sock alone and forever separated from its mate?
posted by nat at 6:07 AM on March 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

Note socks are all uniquely paired

At the risk of introducing yet another variable into this: surely I cannot be the only person who discovered a comfortable and practical sock and just bought a dozen identical pairs to avoid this very issue?

There is a lot of catching up to do for me so, briefly:

• sock, sock, shoe, shoe (with the changing room exemption outlined above)
• shoes are left by the door*
• barefoot around the house
• left sock and subsequently left shoe first, despite being right-handed. This causes a feeling of wrongness when buying shoes, because when the clerk hands you one to try on, it is always right one first. This feels like putting on a shirt and jacket and tie before getting around to pants and socks.


*We have covered this before on the site and it struck me then that mefites who live in places where snow in winter is a thing tend to be inclined to doff shoes at the door year-round. Years ago I had two Australian coworkers who attended a Christmas party at the home of one of our colleagues. They were bemused both by the Canadian custom of putting the bottles outside to cool them down and also the big pile of shoes by the front door. I mentioned to one Aussie guy that when he was in sock feet, he should mind his footing in the hall to avoid stepping in the melted snow. "Melted snow?!? You mean water?" Yes, I suppose that is what it is, but in December we think of its natural state as snow.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:09 AM on March 3, 2016 [4 favorites]

So sock, shoe, sock, shoe people wipe standing up, right? And declaw their cats?
posted by Splunge at 7:40 AM on March 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

Barefoot as much as possible. Sandal Sandal next. Sometimes Shoe shoe if I just need to grab something in a hurry and it is either too hot or too cold (though I ignore too wet) to go out without something on my feet.

But, when push comes to shove and I must put them on... sock sock shoe shoe.
posted by Nanukthedog at 8:35 AM on March 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

I am at peak shoe this time of year. By the door, snow pacs, light boots, hiking boots, hiking sandals with dried muck from late last fall, after the outdoor water shut off, low flats, old sandals, (just came out,) brand new sandals. So, very soon everything I wear socks with, goes in closets. Why? I just won't wear socks after March one. It would have to be dire, for socks beyond this point in time.
posted by Oyéah at 9:26 AM on March 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

The only way I can understand this thread is as some kind of collective obsessive displacement activity induced by traumatic political shock.

It's that Sock and Awe Doctrine at work.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:26 AM on March 3, 2016 [7 favorites]

Ever since I heard the phrase "he is an ordinary man. He puts his pants on one leg at a time", I decided to learn how to put my pants on both legs at the same time. I dislike being ordinary. My favorite pants are loose enough that I can put them on and take them off without removing my shoes. It is quite a sight to see (especially on the subway)
posted by ambulocetus at 10:44 AM on March 3, 2016 [3 favorites]

surely I cannot be the only person who discovered a comfortable and practical sock and just bought a dozen identical pairs to avoid this very issue?

I have a drawer full of identical black socks. Reach in and grab any two at random, chuck out any that look too scruffy or have holes, and have an occasional sockapocalypse and replace them all.
posted by fimbulvetr at 10:57 AM on March 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

surely I cannot be the only person who discovered a comfortable and practical sock and just bought a dozen identical pairs to avoid this very issue?

That's why I have at least 10 pairs of Bombas socks in my sock drawer (with one sock tucked inside the other so I am never seeking the lost mate) for all running, dog walks, biking, etc. It is also why I have endless numbers of pairs of black tights.
posted by bearwife at 12:20 PM on March 3, 2016

After I win the lottery, I will never wear the same pair of socks twice.
posted by double block and bleed at 2:04 PM on March 3, 2016 [2 favorites]

I often tend to leave my laundry in the dryer much longer than a grown-ass adult should (but come on, 10 minutes of re-tumbling sure beats ironing). I had to dig through the dryer this morning for two matching socks. When I finally found them, I sat down on the bed to finish dressing and put on one of those socks. Then I realized that I had left my coffee mug in the bathroom, so I went to get it. But, the coffee was cold, so I walked to the kitchen to top it off. On the way there, I realized that one of the cats' food bowls was empty, so I refilled it. Except the cat food is almost gone, so I went back to the bedroom to get the computer so I could order the 17-lb bag of cat food from Amazon. (Much better deal than buying it in the store!) But, on the way back to the bedroom I noticed that I left the bathroom light on when I went to retrieve my coffee, so I passed the bedroom by in favor of the bathroom and turned the bathroom light off. Which made me remember what I was doing prior to that -- I was headed to the kitchen to top my coffee off. So I go back to the kitchen to, again, retrieve my coffee cup. I get there, grab the coffee pot preparing to refill, and then reach with my other hand to pick up the mug. But, there was an impediment. Namely, I was still holding the other sock.

That's life with inattentive-type ADD -- a story which I am typing to you right now because I just got home from work and sat down on the bed to change my clothes and saw the laptop and remembered that I still need to order cat food on Amazon. Which I have not done yet because when I sat down on the bed to change my clothes I remembered the stupid, stupid sock incident from this morning, and that jogged my memory of this thread, so I opened MetaTalk instead of Amazon in order to catch up on the 140 new sock/shoe comments that were posted after I last read this thread.

So for me it's not even sock sock shoe shoe. It's sock, coffee, cat food, Amazon, bathroom, coffee, bedroom, sock.

Don't even ask me about how I manage to get my shoes on in the morning, because I don't have time: I really need to order some cat food, and I still have not changed out of my work clothes.
posted by mudpuppie at 4:15 PM on March 3, 2016 [15 favorites]

Left sock right shoe one day I will find the missing shoe and sock.
posted by humanfont at 5:51 PM on March 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

Also, it's always the left foot first, not sure why

I have only just now realized this is how I've done it my entire life and have NO IDEA WHY!? And now I notice, this is how my are children doing it. I am right handed, but have always surfed/skated/snowboarder goofy-footed and there simply must be a connection.

Also, generally pants first, but I can't believe I'm the first to point out that if pants are too skinny, one must adapt to socks first. Because fashion.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 2:05 AM on March 4, 2016

s before on the site and it struck me then that mefites who live in places where snow in winter is a thing tend to be inclined to doff shoes at the door year-round.

It snows where I live, but it's more about not dragging all the filth off the city streets and filthier subway floors everywhere in my apt. I shudder just thinking about it.
posted by nevercalm at 6:13 AM on March 4, 2016

While the sock/shoe debate seems to have been safely redirected here from the Super Tuesday thread, it seems the subsequent pants debate has now leaked into the Pantone thread.
posted by Kabanos at 8:27 AM on March 4, 2016

All so imprecise. Is it Left sock, Right sock, Left Shoe, Right shoe

Or Left sock, Right sock, Right shoe, Left shoe

Or Right sock, Left sock, Left shoe, Right shoe

Or....

awww never mind
posted by sammyo at 8:38 AM on March 4, 2016

Also, this thread reminds me of the whole fitted sheet/ flat sheet/ duvet/ everything-in-between debate that emerged in the life hack thread, appropriate titled YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.
posted by Kabanos at 8:40 AM on March 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

I can't believe I just read this whole thread.

Left sock right sock left shoe right shoe in the bedroom
Wipe left foot, sock shoe, wipe right foot, sock shoe at the gym
Socks on before pants if I remember which I usually don't.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 9:38 AM on March 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Related question, that occurred to me while putting on my shoes this morning - for shoes with laces, do you do shoe, lace, shoe, lace, or shoe, shoe, lace, lace?
posted by gingerbeer at 10:58 AM on March 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Can I assume the "hat" you are referring to putting on before your shirts is a stocking cap?

Most times it was a "cowboy" hat. I wore the stocking cap to bed on cold nights. Also, the cool-back pads (my favorite choice in saddle blankets) have aired and dried by bed time, and I use them as ground pads--they resemble the inner layer of a fleece-lined vest, only they are about 1 1/2" thick. Most nights I would turn the bag upside down, like a blanket, and lie directly on the cool backs, rather than sliding in and zipping up. The few moments before I drifted off to sleep were as close to bliss as I have ever been.
posted by mule98J at 12:27 PM on March 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Shoe, shoe, lace, lace. Again, always left first but I don't know why as I'm right-handed (although I did find out tonight I've a left-handed golf swing. I found this out in my living room wearing jammies and holding an imaginary club, to be fair)
posted by billiebee at 12:32 PM on March 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

laces are a thing? Didn't those go the way of the dinosaur when they discovered Velcro?
posted by Michele in California at 1:12 PM on March 4, 2016

Possibly...my laces are on my trainers which are probably older than some MeFites.
posted by billiebee at 1:48 PM on March 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Shoe, shoe, lace, lace

Whaaaat? Civilized people tie a shoe before proceeding. Flopping lace-ends are untidy and distracting.

And I'm a left-foot-firster too, for some reason. RH-dominant, LF-first?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 5:36 PM on March 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'll have to remember to pay attention the next time I put shoes on (tomorrow!), because while I'm pretty sure I go shoe-shoe-lace-lace, I'm not positive. Which is kind of weird, but that's how unthinking habits go.

For some reason, I am certain that I left-foot first; I am a righty.
posted by rtha at 6:17 PM on March 4, 2016

Underwear, shirt, pants, belt, sock, sock, shoe, shoe. On rare occasions when I wear a tie that goes last. When removing, tie, shoe, shoe, belt, pants, shirt, sock sock. Left sock/shoe first, of course. All my clothes live in the walk-in wardrobe, but I lay everything out on the bed in order of donning before having a shower. As a white collar person, I shower in the morning on work days. Any other day, showers are very much as needed if at all.

I'm jealous of people who can blithely contemplate long, leisurely showers, living in an area with perpetual water shortages where showers are expected to be no longer than four minutes. During the most recent water crisis, the state government handed out special timers to every household and seriously considered actually making it illegal to take more than a four-minute shower. As is normal around here, that drought was ended by massive widespread flooding.

I'm an odd combination of a habitual early riser (usually 5 am) who hates mornings and takes forever to become alert beyond the minimum needed to walk and breathe at the same time. My entire morning routine takes about 30 min from slapping the snooze button for the fifth or sixth time and stepping onto a train. Arise, throw on whatever clothes are lying on the floor from last night, put kettle on, urinate (hopefully remembering to stumble to bathroom first), make coffee, make bed, lay out clothes, shower etc, dress, into car, drive to station, get on train. Now that my daughter is using my car most days, I have the horrifying addition of being driven to the station by a teenager who has held a licence for slightly over a month and refuses to get out of bed until the very moment she needs to get in the car and drive off. She is literally driving the car less than 60 seconds from waking up, which does have the effect of dramatically waking me up.
posted by dg at 6:36 PM on March 4, 2016 [2 favorites]

I'm right foot first, left handed. This is genuinely interesting.
posted by lucidium at 6:42 PM on March 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Wait. There are people who shoe, shoe, lace, lace? ?! What. The. Fuck.

This is exactly why : Challenger Explosion, Joe Strummer's death, 9/11, the elimination of black licorice jelly bellies, the Denver Boot, and methicillin resistant staph aureus. This why I'm voting Trump, who promise to place the shoe, shoe, lace, lace in camps where they belong.

** shudder**
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:40 PM on March 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

My husband shoe, shoe, lace, laces. This is a greater barrier than the politics to overcome, but I am here to announce it can be done.
posted by corb at 7:45 PM on March 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Corb you are equally depraved as your husband, and and are hereby accused as a shoe, shoe, lace, lace sympathizer. What do you have to say in your defense before you are fitted with Crocs and sent to internment?
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:52 PM on March 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Now I'm confused. Do you need to put laces on your shoes when you put the shoes on because you take the laces off when you take the shoes off? As part of this alien ritual, you also put the laces on while you're wearing them? Why?
posted by double block and bleed at 7:59 PM on March 4, 2016 [1 favorite]

Aglet maintenance, of course.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:48 PM on March 4, 2016 [4 favorites]

I'll have to remember to pay attention the next time I put shoes on (tomorrow!), because while I'm pretty sure I go shoe-shoe-lace-lace, I'm not positive. Which is kind of weird, but that's how unthinking habits go.

A significant proportion of the time, I do shoe, shoe, lace.

And then, after walking about three steps, swear and sit back down to tie the other shoelace.

I have been putting on shoes my entire life, but somehow tying both shoelaces is not something I can do every day.
posted by Dip Flash at 11:46 PM on March 4, 2016

Perhaps you're just exhausted after taking so long to tie the first shoe. Learn a faster method and ensure success!
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 6:12 AM on March 5, 2016

My morning routine almost always consists of sock, sock, boot, boot, gloves, helmet, gray dragon scale mail, cloak of displacement, amulet of life saving, ring of slow digestion, coffee, coffee, bus stop.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 10:48 AM on March 5, 2016 [8 favorites]

If one has one foot, there exists one ordering for this operation.

2 feet, there exists 2 orderings.

Obviously, generalization to n feet is the next step.


This is a well-known problem in combinatorics. Though, wait -- that assumes the feet are indistinguishable. I... I think I need to get a pencil.
posted by aws17576 at 11:02 PM on March 5, 2016 [1 favorite]

OK, I'm back. Here's the answer.
posted by aws17576 at 11:20 PM on March 5, 2016 [3 favorites]

Croc, Croc.
posted by snofoam at 3:28 AM on March 7, 2016 [1 favorite]