We want his 5 dollars

December 4, 2015 2:24 PM

John Cusack is aware of Metafilter, and the fact that we've been talking about him. Now to get him to join...
posted by COD to MetaFilter-Related at 2:24 PM (101 comments total)

Ha, yeah, I just saw that myself.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:24 PM on December 4, 2015

Ha! Just tried posting this myself. I'd like to think he's a lurker, and not just tracking us down via a Google news alert.

My post was titled "It's like he's holding a laptop over his head, standing outside our window.".
posted by GhostintheMachine at 2:30 PM on December 4, 2015 [29 favorites]

What a coincidence! I'm aware of John Cusack, too.
posted by octobersurprise at 2:31 PM on December 4, 2015 [72 favorites]

A thread of alternate post titles could be hilarious.
posted by COD at 2:33 PM on December 4, 2015 [7 favorites]

He won't join. There's a popular documentary on the subject of how hard it is to get $5 from John Cusack.
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:57 PM on December 4, 2015 [40 favorites]

Why are y'all assuming he's a lurker and not already a member quietly plunking away with some deep thoughts and smart observations under an awesome but unassuming name?

From now on I'm going to assume that all members are actually John Cusack.
posted by barchan at 2:59 PM on December 4, 2015 [57 favorites]

We do appear to have a John Cusack amongst our own... alas their user name says jmcusack when it should be jpcusack... perhaps a clever trick to throw us off his scent?
posted by Hairy Lobster at 3:01 PM on December 4, 2015

Does John Cusak know just how deep the obsession runs?
posted by carsonb at 3:07 PM on December 4, 2015

/geek ref
I am John Cusack - and so is my brother.
end geek ref/
posted by Faintdreams at 3:33 PM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

...and they only wanted TWO of his dollars!
posted by radiosilents at 3:33 PM on December 4, 2015 [15 favorites]

Right, and just think how hard it is to get that two and a half times over!
posted by Pope Guilty at 3:54 PM on December 4, 2015

Might as well hold out for MeFi's own Zbigniew Brzezinski. And we can buy him a vowel. Or two.
posted by y2karl at 3:55 PM on December 4, 2015

Let's tub together
Right now, oh yeah
In sweet harmony
posted by Foci for Analysis at 3:57 PM on December 4, 2015

I am John Cusack.
posted by Floydd at 4:26 PM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Grosse Point Blank is one of the best films of the 90's, straight up.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:35 PM on December 4, 2015 [42 favorites]

I am John Cusack

I'd pay $5 for that
posted by infini at 4:49 PM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

John Cusack is posing as that girl from Canada.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 5:00 PM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Is that you Zbiginew is that me.
posted by clavdivs at 5:07 PM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Don't do it, John, or you'll overthink bean plates too!
posted by eriko at 5:15 PM on December 4, 2015

John was here, but we crapped on his business idea of selling popcorn from his trunk in plastic sacks to randos on the street, so he went back to just lurking.

Cusackorn will have its day!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:18 PM on December 4, 2015 [16 favorites]

God, he retweeted Jennifer Granholm who retweeted statistics then complains about "real Dems"

The price is right, John.
Join today
posted by clavdivs at 5:40 PM on December 4, 2015

Will he bring Springsteen with him?
posted by jonmc at 5:42 PM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

I think he would be a great member. I hear he's loquacious, verbose, effusive. Maybe even chatty.
posted by nubs at 6:19 PM on December 4, 2015

There's only one loquacious here, thank you v. much.
posted by carsonb at 6:34 PM on December 4, 2015 [6 favorites]

I’m John Cusack.
posted by Going To Maine at 7:22 PM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

MetaFilter: I hired these guys for three days a week and they just started showing up every day. That was four years ago.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:23 PM on December 4, 2015 [11 favorites]

Sir, You must be in room 1407.
posted by clavdivs at 7:38 PM on December 4, 2015

John was here, but we crapped on his business idea of selling popcorn from his trunk in plastic sacks to randos on the street, so he went back to just lurking.

aww sixcolors.
posted by sweetkid at 7:40 PM on December 4, 2015 [8 favorites]

* considers some of the fan girly stuff I've said about John Cusack in my comment history *

* goes very pale *

Uh, guys, maybe getting him to join isn't such a hot idea....
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:46 PM on December 4, 2015 [5 favorites]

I AM JOHN SPARTACUSACK!
posted by blurker at 7:51 PM on December 4, 2015 [5 favorites]

Metafilter: I'm aware of John Cusack
posted by Existential Dread at 7:51 PM on December 4, 2015 [4 favorites]

This is pleasing, and from his twitter feed tonight, John Cusack's Friday night also consists of goofing off online - so I'd say he's already kind of one of us.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 7:54 PM on December 4, 2015 [15 favorites]

Uh, guys, maybe getting him to join isn't such a hot idea....

I dunno, seems like it could be extremely hot.
posted by kenko at 8:03 PM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

if you ever do read this John just please forgive me
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:06 PM on December 4, 2015 [5 favorites]

I am John Cusack.
posted by bendy at 8:55 PM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Uh, guys, maybe getting him to join isn't such a hot idea....

Just when I thought I had made my peace with my half-baked user name...

I should probably take this opportunity to edit my "about me" so that it doesn't point out which Cusack sibling has the most Oscar nominations.
posted by joan cusack the second at 8:59 PM on December 4, 2015 [15 favorites]

I am not, and never have been, John Cusack.

I make no promises for the future.
posted by nubs at 9:23 PM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

who?
posted by el io at 9:27 PM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

I am not John Cusack either. Watch very closely for the removal of this sign.
posted by tangerine at 10:08 PM on December 4, 2015 [24 favorites]

I am neither John nor Cusack.
posted by oceanjesse at 10:16 PM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm only John Cusack every other day. Cusack yesterday and Cusack tomorrow but never Cusack today.
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:53 PM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Well, I mean, that's sure neat and stuff, but let's be honest here: He's nobody's favourite Cusack.

YOU HEARD ME
posted by Sys Rq at 10:58 PM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

I got excited for lloydtube but someone else seems to have bought up the URL.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 10:59 PM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

I am perfectly willing to rewatch High Fidelity rightnow in honor of this. Cusack! You fuckin' bitch! Let's work it out!

Hmmm... High Fidelity cast member most likely to join MeFi? Lili Taylor? Tim Robbins? Todd Louiso...
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:10 PM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

In 1992, in the locker room of the LA Clippers, John Cusack (with Jeremy Piven in tow) borrowed my pen and notepad to get Olden Polynice's home phone number.

Hey, Lloyd Dobler. Can I have my fucking pen back?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:19 PM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

Look, if John Cusack shows up at our door, chances are we did something to bring him there.
posted by TwoStride at 11:25 PM on December 4, 2015 [15 favorites]

What if it turns out John Cusack and Scott Adams were really the same person all along?
posted by zachlipton at 11:45 PM on December 4, 2015

(Which couldn't be possible, since John Cusack is clearly Not A Tool.)
posted by zachlipton at 11:54 PM on December 4, 2015

I haven't really been following the career of John Cusack, but he was pretty good in Grifters: if he does come up with $5, make sure to check it twice.
posted by Dr Dracator at 12:17 AM on December 5, 2015

I don't know, I hear that of his desert island, all-time, top-five most memorable websites, we're not on the list. Maybe we'd sneak into the top ten.
posted by Pink Frost at 1:17 AM on December 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

OMG, he actually knows that he is my mancrush... I feel a little faint.
posted by Meatbomb at 1:18 AM on December 5, 2015

Nubs, tangerine, and oceanjesse are lying.

I am not John Cusack. Not them.
posted by kanewai at 4:03 AM on December 5, 2015

I'm John Cusack and so is my wife.
posted by comealongpole at 4:50 AM on December 5, 2015 [2 favorites]

Hey, Lloyd Dobler. Can I have my fucking pen back?

He gave you his heart and you gave him a pen.
posted by amro at 5:13 AM on December 5, 2015 [10 favorites]

Loved him in Ferris Bueller!
posted by Joseph Gurl at 5:16 AM on December 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

John Cusack is fine, but he's no Ann Cusack.

(Pulls out pipe, smokes it, self-satisfied that he has demonstrated the refinement and rarity of his tastes.)
posted by maxsparber at 5:36 AM on December 5, 2015 [5 favorites]

Is this something I'd need a tv/money to go to the movies/to have been alive at some point in the last 30 years to understand?
posted by nevercalm at 6:06 AM on December 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

I could be John Cusack, but I'd still have to bum rides off of people.
posted by miss-lapin at 6:10 AM on December 5, 2015 [8 favorites]

Hi John! Say hello to Joan for me. Love your work.
posted by h00py at 6:19 AM on December 5, 2015

His twitter profile says he's an Apocalyptic shit disturber and elephant trainer.

We're long on the first around here but we could probably use an elephant trainer.

(I love Cusack in "The Sure Thing" and the peak is "Weekend at Bernie's.")
posted by chavenet at 6:27 AM on December 5, 2015 [4 favorites]

"Piven in tow"

I just like the sound of this.
posted by clavdivs at 7:06 AM on December 5, 2015 [4 favorites]

"Nick's your buddy, Nick's your pal -- the kind of guy who doesn't get mad when you throw up in his car."

I'm not John Cusack, and I am definitely not Nick.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:13 AM on December 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

From now on I'm going to assume that all members are actually John Cusack.

And I'm starting to imagine Metafilter turning into Being John Cusack.

Cusack Cusack Cusack, Cusack Cusack? Cusack Cusack Cusack Cusack Cusack. Cusack Cusack Cusack Cusack. Cusack Cusack, Cusack Cusack Cusack Cusack Cusack Cusack... Cusack.

Cusack!
posted by lmfsilva at 7:15 AM on December 5, 2015 [6 favorites]

(I love Cusack in "The Sure Thing" and the peak is "Weekend at Bernie's.")
I thought some of you were kidding about getting his filmography wrong, but the half wrong/half right thing just throws me. Joke? Not a joke?
posted by amro at 7:22 AM on December 5, 2015

I got excited for lloydtube but someone else seems to have bought up the URL.

Yeah, the youtube API stuff I set it up with originally got broken on their end fairly quickly so it had mostly just been a slightly-animated gif for a long time already by the time domain renewal came around again.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:27 AM on December 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

I thought that jonmc was John Cusack??? wtf

(also I want to go to Serendipity and have a frozen hot chocolate with Jonathan Trager so call me Jonathan okthxbi)
posted by the webmistress at 7:32 AM on December 5, 2015

Let's get Joan to join as well. I'll happily pay the $5 for both of them.
posted by still_wears_a_hat at 7:46 AM on December 5, 2015 [4 favorites]

Fawning is for deer, in the spring. Geeaawwwd people. Just wait, Mitt Romney will come out, for even a little.
posted by Oyéah at 8:46 AM on December 5, 2015

After checking with Mr. Cusack's representation, it seems he is willing to join MetaFilter.

However, he doesn't want to post anything, favorite anything, or comment on anything. He doesn't want to favorite anything posted or commented, or post anything favorited or commented, or comment on anything favorited, posted, or commented, or submit a MeTa on anything posted, favorited, or commented.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:09 AM on December 5, 2015 [48 favorites]

I am Spartacus!
posted by Splunge at 9:11 AM on December 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

Let's not joke too much. Don't forget that "Are you now, or have you ever been, John Cusack?" was the symbol of HUJCC*, and marked the destruction of the careers of many, standing as a testament to national shame.

*The House Unamerican John Cusack Committee (pronounced "hue-jack, while, ironically, having nothing to do with Hugh Jackman at all, although he was called into the committee just because)
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:25 AM on December 5, 2015 [11 favorites]

Look closely at pictures of Clint Eastwood in his youth. Imagine him in his Dirty Harry voice, saying, "Hugh, hey, Jackman, I'm your father."
posted by Oyéah at 9:34 AM on December 5, 2015

I had to Google* him, and then checked IMDB. It turns out the only thing I've seen him in is Con Air, and I don't remember that. I'm not proud, but here it is.

*I don't actually use Google.
posted by Too-Ticky at 12:11 PM on December 5, 2015

In all seriousness, we probably have a ton of folks who are well known here if we knew who they were.


(I would LOVE it if Carrie Fisher had an account. I'd spot her the five bucks myself. )
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 12:48 PM on December 5, 2015 [2 favorites]

I wish James Earl Jones had an account. He seems like a really fun guy.
posted by Splunge at 12:54 PM on December 5, 2015

Metafilter: a ton of folks who are well known here if we knew who they were.


you knew this was coming
posted by infini at 1:10 PM on December 5, 2015 [11 favorites]

I heard Matt Haughey used to hang out here.
posted by ODiV at 2:09 PM on December 5, 2015 [2 favorites]

amro: "(I love Cusack in "The Sure Thing" and the peak is "Weekend at Bernie's.")
I thought some of you were kidding about getting his filmography wrong, but the half wrong/half right thing just throws me. Joke? Not a joke?"

I'm so ashamed.
posted by chavenet at 2:26 PM on December 5, 2015

I am Zbigniew Brzezinski.
posted by Obscure Reference at 3:11 PM on December 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

I am Zbigniew Brzezinski.
posted by Obscure Reference

Who?
posted by infini at 3:40 PM on December 5, 2015 [4 favorites]

Well you know he just got the five bucks by charging a bunch of nerds to view someone's underwear.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:49 PM on December 5, 2015 [2 favorites]

ODiV: "I heard Matt Haughey used to hang out here."

Next thing you'll say is that Jessamyn West was a mod here. Please stop passing on falsehoods. There are kids here who might believe you.
posted by Splunge at 5:30 PM on December 5, 2015 [4 favorites]

Jessamyn West is such a kick ass name. I could believe she was either a super hip 60’s spy in a movie, or the name of the actress that played one. Let’s just pick one and go with that from now on.
posted by bongo_x at 8:12 PM on December 5, 2015 [3 favorites]

(I would LOVE it if Carrie Fisher had an account.

Carrie Fisher is awesome (and her dog is pretty rad too)
posted by nubs at 8:39 PM on December 5, 2015 [3 favorites]

I wish Crispin Glover had an account.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 9:07 PM on December 5, 2015

So friend of mine wrote a pop song called JOHN CUSACK and obviously promoting it involved using the name. The lyrics even reference the boombox in the rain outside the window! I guess it got to be a bit much because this was a DM he got from John Cusack himself on Twitter.
posted by hepta at 9:35 PM on December 5, 2015 [8 favorites]

Where's George Clooney? Also, noted Mia Farrow flitting through
posted by infini at 2:44 AM on December 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm Joan Crawford.
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 10:53 AM on December 6, 2015

Joan Crawford has risen from the grave!
posted by Splunge at 2:58 PM on December 6, 2015

How many Stephen King projects have B.O.C in them.

Look, if any meta wooing is to issue forth, more verve is needed to this matter of awareness.
A successful film star would get swamped in comments, I think.
That's why anon accounts like 'GaryCooperscraneshot' could work. I mean he's a cuspy pistol on Twitter and has fine taste in goat ZA.
So, who has a 5 minute script.
posted by clavdivs at 7:11 PM on December 6, 2015

He doesn't look like a cartoon anymore.
posted by brujita at 1:14 AM on December 7, 2015

John, Better Off Dead is a wonderful movie, please come to terms with this.
posted by Chrysostom at 6:20 AM on December 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

Actually, in his podcast with THE NERDIST John said that he actually made his peace with BETTER OFF DEAD a long time ago, and actually apologized for giving the perception that he hated it; it was more a case of him as a younger actor getting fed up with the whole press junket nonsense, and not yet growing up enough to know that "mm, that's part of the deal too." He also said that one of his favorite lines was "it's a shame when people throw away a perfectly good white boy like that".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:57 AM on December 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

Ha, Empress, way to boost your signal WRT fangirling John.

(kidding, I'm kidding).
posted by sweetkid at 10:00 AM on December 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

Um......no, I was just being meticulous. * Nods, panicked *
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:22 AM on December 7, 2015

I've had a crush on John Cusack for years, but he's married to my sister.
posted by maryr at 11:16 AM on December 7, 2015

If MeFi popping up on Cusack's Twitter feed gets Gentleman Caller to join, I'm all for it.

Also, Cusack is one of three media figures who look like they could be my in-laws. (The other two are Glenn Greenwald and Lee Pace. There are a lot of big noses and thick eyebrows on that side of the family.)
posted by pxe2000 at 1:42 PM on December 7, 2015

I'm really Bowie.

in one parallel universe or another

and I shan't rest until I find that place
posted by Halloween Jack at 12:33 PM on December 8, 2015

I, and my insane John Cusack crush circa 1985 through i'd-rather-not-talk-about-it, have been made wildly happy by this thread.
posted by kythuen at 12:48 PM on December 8, 2015

*edges over to kythuen*

*makes sure no one's listening*

ME TOO you need to check out his Twitter feed sometime and ooh get this one time he actually responded to a tweet I sent him AAAAAAAAH

*edges away*
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:17 PM on December 8, 2015

In all seriousness, we probably have a ton of folks who are well known here if we knew who they were

This is correct! I would be well-known if anyone knew who I were. Am. Was?

I'll show myself out
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:42 PM on December 8, 2015