Please be kind to each other. September 18, 2015 7:23 PM Subscribe
I'm sorry to share the sad news that Lemurrhea passed away yesterday.
Aaron Mintz's death was sudden and unexpected. Also devastating for many of the Toronto MeFites. flex has organized a meetup on Saturday at the Jason George at 7 p.m. Please join us and we can remember him together.
There will be a graveside service at 10 a.m. on Tuesday, September 22, at Jewish Memorial Gardens, 2692 Bank St, Ottawa, ON.
Aaron's family has requested that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the Canadian Mental Health Association.
Aaron Mintz's death was sudden and unexpected. Also devastating for many of the Toronto MeFites. flex has organized a meetup on Saturday at the Jason George at 7 p.m. Please join us and we can remember him together.
There will be a graveside service at 10 a.m. on Tuesday, September 22, at Jewish Memorial Gardens, 2692 Bank St, Ottawa, ON.
Aaron's family has requested that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the Canadian Mental Health Association.
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posted by shakespeherian at 7:28 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by shakespeherian at 7:28 PM on September 18, 2015
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posted by Elementary Penguin at 7:30 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by Elementary Penguin at 7:30 PM on September 18, 2015
I had the privilege to know him in real life, but sadly for too short a time. He was wise, funny, generous, courageous and a hell of a good baker. The world is a less interesting place today, and his departure has left my entire family brokenhearted; his arrival at our door -- usually in the company of a few other mefites -- always meant an enjoyable few hours were ahead.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:31 PM on September 18, 2015 [36 favorites]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:31 PM on September 18, 2015 [36 favorites]
I guess I only met Aaron in real life maybe four or five times but I feel like I knew him much better than that from interacting with him online on MetaFilter, Twitter, and Facebook. He clearly had such a big heart and he was fun and entertaining and kind and knowledgeable and cared about making the world a better place. There are so many people who love him. It's a bad loss. He came to my house once and I was really looking forward to him coming back again and now that's never going to happen.
I am so sorry for his family and the friends he's known for years longer. Even knowing him for a relatively short time has had a big effect on me so I just can't imagine what they are going through.
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posted by grouse at 7:34 PM on September 18, 2015 [29 favorites]
I am so sorry for his family and the friends he's known for years longer. Even knowing him for a relatively short time has had a big effect on me so I just can't imagine what they are going through.
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posted by grouse at 7:34 PM on September 18, 2015 [29 favorites]
I'm speechless. While I never met him, he provided a very kind and understanding ear as I worked through the trauma that was my graduate thesis, as we had a sad interest in the subject in common. A few hours after I heard the news today I read through the thread about ableism and religion at Memorial University, and couldn't help but think his legal commentary was going to pop up any minute...his intelligence, compassion, and courage will be missed. I'll be at the bar tomorrow after the ball game.
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posted by avocet at 7:36 PM on September 18, 2015 [8 favorites]
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posted by avocet at 7:36 PM on September 18, 2015 [8 favorites]
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posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 7:39 PM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 7:39 PM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
A few hours after I heard the news today I read through the thread about ableism and religion at Memorial University, and couldn't help but think his legal commentary was going to pop up any minute..
You are not alone. I suspect for many years I will be missing his insight and education. I recall a hilarious discussion once (in the very room I am sitting in right now) where he graciously outlined what parts of the criminal code I had broached with my high spirits in my misspent youth.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:43 PM on September 18, 2015 [13 favorites]
You are not alone. I suspect for many years I will be missing his insight and education. I recall a hilarious discussion once (in the very room I am sitting in right now) where he graciously outlined what parts of the criminal code I had broached with my high spirits in my misspent youth.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:43 PM on September 18, 2015 [13 favorites]
When Aaron walked into a room, he brought energy, joy, a booming laugh, and that sardonic wit. He left me happier every time I saw him. I wish we could have him back, but without the pain that he carried around for so long.
(Here's the IRL thread for the meetup this Saturday. Please add yourself to the list and come by if you can.)
posted by maudlin at 7:47 PM on September 18, 2015 [12 favorites]
(Here's the IRL thread for the meetup this Saturday. Please add yourself to the list and come by if you can.)
posted by maudlin at 7:47 PM on September 18, 2015 [12 favorites]
This is just terrible. Heartfelt condolences to his family and to all his friends here. I'm glad you Torontonians have put together a meetup -- please toast him for all of us.
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posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 7:50 PM on September 18, 2015 [9 favorites]
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posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 7:50 PM on September 18, 2015 [9 favorites]
Three months ago, I was raising money for a charity by promising to walk a long distance. Aaron wrote, "If I donate, will you promise to sing some variation of The Proclaimers during part of your walk?" I said I would and then received his donation.
Last week he emailed me to remind me of our deal. So I got a colleague to record me singing during the walk this weekend and posted it to Facebook. A couple of friends made fun of my horrible singing. Aaron's single comment was "SOLID!"
That was the last message I ever got from Aaron. I'm glad he enjoyed the video.
posted by grouse at 7:53 PM on September 18, 2015 [83 favorites]
Last week he emailed me to remind me of our deal. So I got a colleague to record me singing during the walk this weekend and posted it to Facebook. A couple of friends made fun of my horrible singing. Aaron's single comment was "SOLID!"
That was the last message I ever got from Aaron. I'm glad he enjoyed the video.
posted by grouse at 7:53 PM on September 18, 2015 [83 favorites]
Incidentally, if anyone is wondering: the title of the post was the final words of Aaron's farewell message. He knew rightly that this would not be easy for us.
Then as if to take away the sting of the message, he added a video of twenty-one puppies playing in a sprinkler. That is the sort of fellow he was, that so many loved.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:58 PM on September 18, 2015 [51 favorites]
Then as if to take away the sting of the message, he added a video of twenty-one puppies playing in a sprinkler. That is the sort of fellow he was, that so many loved.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:58 PM on September 18, 2015 [51 favorites]
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posted by Going To Maine at 8:03 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by Going To Maine at 8:03 PM on September 18, 2015
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posted by betafilter at 8:03 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by betafilter at 8:03 PM on September 18, 2015
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posted by zombieflanders at 8:03 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by zombieflanders at 8:03 PM on September 18, 2015
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posted by Joseph Gurl at 8:06 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by Joseph Gurl at 8:06 PM on September 18, 2015
I've been on Metafilter for awhile, but I am a pretty quiet lurker. My work is pretty much talking, creating, writing so I love to come to Metafilter and observe the wide range of beautiful humanity. At meetups too, I often take this role. I think I did not really go to meetups before Lemurrhea came to Toronto. Maybe a couple of times. But he urged us curmudgeons, poked the home-bodies and cajoled the rest. We would meet up. And it was great. To be in his company, we could not help be but a band of merry men. (We always leave a generous tip.)
Lemurrhea called a lot of our meet-ups in my mind. I thought that that was so adorably social and extroverted of him. Which means that somewhere in my brain, I made a self-absorbed assumption that he called the meetups for the benefit of those attending (which maybe is true.) But - now, I can't help but wonder if he did not call the meetup not because he needed to banter vociferously about band names, or talk earnestly about the state of the federal government, but to be enmeshed among the throng? Did he need to not be alone? This thinking, I know, I should not travel down this fragile road of scree, that can only lead to a landslide... But I can't help but wonder, was there something i could've done?
I remember one time, he made me laugh so hard at something stupid that I gave up any pretense at fighting his wit, and put my head on the table and cried with each subsequent bon mot. I can't for the life of me remember what it was - it is enough to know I was delightfully outmatched.
He always had a smile. He did things with glee. My goodness, so much glee. So much generosity. So much heart. He was good. Really and truly one of the good ones.
Before he died, if you had asked me about Aaron, I would have said he's this interesting, hilarious lawyer I knew. I might've even said 'acquaintance' at some point. But when he first went missing, it was so raw, such a punch to my gut, that I had to remind myself to take a breath. In the familiarity and ease of infrequent casual meals and drinks, over several years, in my heart, in my heart - he came to be a dear, dear friend.
I knew him only a little, but I will miss him a lot. Goodbye Lemurrhea.
posted by typewriter at 8:07 PM on September 18, 2015 [78 favorites]
Lemurrhea called a lot of our meet-ups in my mind. I thought that that was so adorably social and extroverted of him. Which means that somewhere in my brain, I made a self-absorbed assumption that he called the meetups for the benefit of those attending (which maybe is true.) But - now, I can't help but wonder if he did not call the meetup not because he needed to banter vociferously about band names, or talk earnestly about the state of the federal government, but to be enmeshed among the throng? Did he need to not be alone? This thinking, I know, I should not travel down this fragile road of scree, that can only lead to a landslide... But I can't help but wonder, was there something i could've done?
I remember one time, he made me laugh so hard at something stupid that I gave up any pretense at fighting his wit, and put my head on the table and cried with each subsequent bon mot. I can't for the life of me remember what it was - it is enough to know I was delightfully outmatched.
He always had a smile. He did things with glee. My goodness, so much glee. So much generosity. So much heart. He was good. Really and truly one of the good ones.
Before he died, if you had asked me about Aaron, I would have said he's this interesting, hilarious lawyer I knew. I might've even said 'acquaintance' at some point. But when he first went missing, it was so raw, such a punch to my gut, that I had to remind myself to take a breath. In the familiarity and ease of infrequent casual meals and drinks, over several years, in my heart, in my heart - he came to be a dear, dear friend.
I knew him only a little, but I will miss him a lot. Goodbye Lemurrhea.
posted by typewriter at 8:07 PM on September 18, 2015 [78 favorites]
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posted by Chrysostom at 8:16 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by Chrysostom at 8:16 PM on September 18, 2015
He was a good dude and a good mefite. It's a goddam loss.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:18 PM on September 18, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:18 PM on September 18, 2015 [7 favorites]
I have little more to say that I will miss him and his wisdom and patience in the discussions here. I did not know him at all save for his words here, but respected and admired him all the same.
I almost never comment in memorial threads, as I find I have little enough to add. But sometimes you have to make exceptions.
posted by bonehead at 8:19 PM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
I almost never comment in memorial threads, as I find I have little enough to add. But sometimes you have to make exceptions.
posted by bonehead at 8:19 PM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
cortex, do you think you could please post what he had to say about MeFi on his profile page? It's not visible anymore.
posted by grouse at 8:21 PM on September 18, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by grouse at 8:21 PM on September 18, 2015 [12 favorites]
This was just shocking.
I only met Aaron in person once, at a meetup - my first meetup - this past June. We hit it off quickly, because we were both lawyers, both the same age, and both not necessarily in love with our chosen profession, though he was excited about his new practice. I liked him pretty much immediately, and over phone calls I tried to send him some work and some files. He let me know how the cases were going, and when he had a big win at the end of July I got an excited retelling of it from him - with the kind of gregarious detail that I think was his trademark. When I moved away from Toronto last month, he sent me a lovely little note wishing me well. It was a small, nice, acquaintance, which is often a rare thing in this field.
I truly wish I had gotten to know him better, because even in that short time it was obvious that he was a fundamentally kind, decent human being. His passing is a tremendous loss. I'm so sorry for his friends and loved ones.
posted by ZaphodB at 8:23 PM on September 18, 2015 [16 favorites]
I only met Aaron in person once, at a meetup - my first meetup - this past June. We hit it off quickly, because we were both lawyers, both the same age, and both not necessarily in love with our chosen profession, though he was excited about his new practice. I liked him pretty much immediately, and over phone calls I tried to send him some work and some files. He let me know how the cases were going, and when he had a big win at the end of July I got an excited retelling of it from him - with the kind of gregarious detail that I think was his trademark. When I moved away from Toronto last month, he sent me a lovely little note wishing me well. It was a small, nice, acquaintance, which is often a rare thing in this field.
I truly wish I had gotten to know him better, because even in that short time it was obvious that he was a fundamentally kind, decent human being. His passing is a tremendous loss. I'm so sorry for his friends and loved ones.
posted by ZaphodB at 8:23 PM on September 18, 2015 [16 favorites]
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posted by phunniemee at 8:25 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by phunniemee at 8:25 PM on September 18, 2015
Both Mr. Conspiracy (whom he dubbed "Ukulele Plot", much to our amusement) and I are totally gutted.
In the short time I got to know him through Metafilter, and quickly in real life because he organized the first meetup I attended shortly after I joined, I have to say...you were loved, Aaron, even by people who only had a short time with you
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:28 PM on September 18, 2015 [18 favorites]
In the short time I got to know him through Metafilter, and quickly in real life because he organized the first meetup I attended shortly after I joined, I have to say...you were loved, Aaron, even by people who only had a short time with you
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:28 PM on September 18, 2015 [18 favorites]
I found the text of his MeFi farewell message in his profile (I had emailed it to a friend):
Metafilter was one of the few bright spots in my relatively isolated life. It kept me plugged in to something bigger than myself. I am lucky to have made friendships with some few mefites, and wish I could have made more.
posted by maudlin at 8:34 PM on September 18, 2015 [44 favorites]
Metafilter was one of the few bright spots in my relatively isolated life. It kept me plugged in to something bigger than myself. I am lucky to have made friendships with some few mefites, and wish I could have made more.
posted by maudlin at 8:34 PM on September 18, 2015 [44 favorites]
So very sad to see this news. My thoughts are with his friends and family.
posted by mogget at 8:36 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by mogget at 8:36 PM on September 18, 2015
A terrible loss. He was so young. Condolences to his friends, family and everyone who knew and were touched by him.
May his memory be for a blessing. And may he know peace.
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posted by zarq at 8:42 PM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
May his memory be for a blessing. And may he know peace.
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posted by zarq at 8:42 PM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
I am at a bit of a loss for words to explain exactly how I feel about the loss of a friend, so I will try to do my best because I think there is an important message in all of this.
Aaron "Lemur" Mintz was one of the most genuinely kind people I've ever known. I know that is said about anyone who dies, but it could truly be said about Aaron. He had the most wonderful and complimentary things to say about the people for whom he cared. He was generous with his time and support, and would literally go out of his way to do something for you. His sense of humour was broad and clever, his wit both quick and capable of a delicious slow burn.
But that wasn't enough for Aaron. He also had to have the most withering, accurate, and damning things to say about the monsters we cross in our complicated world. He stood up and spoke out against any and every kind of injustice he saw. If I ever had to wonder what I should think about any issue of social importance, I always knew that Aaron's view was at least a very good place to start. As much as I will miss him for his camaraderie, I will miss him for his moral and ethical stance: square, pointed at the enemy, and strong.
Aaron was to be the co-EmCee at mine and Phire's wedding in June. I think it's a testament to the quality of person he was, that even though I'd only known him for about eighteen months, I felt completely comfortable having him act as the person who would welcome and make comfortable all my closest friends and family. I am going to miss whatever delightful comments he was going to make.
Other than the obvious answer that is the scourge of depression and mental illness, I don't know what caused Aaron to take his life in the early hours of yesterday morning. On Monday, when last we talked he was very busy with work, acting as an advocate in a myriad of legal cases, and running his new law firm; but he was in good spirits. I know he had talked about plans, big and small, near and far; and it was, as always, a pleasure to speak with him.
The only other thing I can take away from this is that we all need to do a better job of removing the stigma from mental illness. I am going to re-double my efforts on that front. Perhaps, had the world been a better place, one where we can speak about these things openly, free of fear, Aaron would have reached out to one of us. I'd like to live in a world where that's the norm, and not the exception to the rule.
As Aaron said: "Please be kind to each other."
posted by LoRichTimes at 8:43 PM on September 18, 2015 [125 favorites]
Aaron "Lemur" Mintz was one of the most genuinely kind people I've ever known. I know that is said about anyone who dies, but it could truly be said about Aaron. He had the most wonderful and complimentary things to say about the people for whom he cared. He was generous with his time and support, and would literally go out of his way to do something for you. His sense of humour was broad and clever, his wit both quick and capable of a delicious slow burn.
But that wasn't enough for Aaron. He also had to have the most withering, accurate, and damning things to say about the monsters we cross in our complicated world. He stood up and spoke out against any and every kind of injustice he saw. If I ever had to wonder what I should think about any issue of social importance, I always knew that Aaron's view was at least a very good place to start. As much as I will miss him for his camaraderie, I will miss him for his moral and ethical stance: square, pointed at the enemy, and strong.
Aaron was to be the co-EmCee at mine and Phire's wedding in June. I think it's a testament to the quality of person he was, that even though I'd only known him for about eighteen months, I felt completely comfortable having him act as the person who would welcome and make comfortable all my closest friends and family. I am going to miss whatever delightful comments he was going to make.
Other than the obvious answer that is the scourge of depression and mental illness, I don't know what caused Aaron to take his life in the early hours of yesterday morning. On Monday, when last we talked he was very busy with work, acting as an advocate in a myriad of legal cases, and running his new law firm; but he was in good spirits. I know he had talked about plans, big and small, near and far; and it was, as always, a pleasure to speak with him.
The only other thing I can take away from this is that we all need to do a better job of removing the stigma from mental illness. I am going to re-double my efforts on that front. Perhaps, had the world been a better place, one where we can speak about these things openly, free of fear, Aaron would have reached out to one of us. I'd like to live in a world where that's the norm, and not the exception to the rule.
As Aaron said: "Please be kind to each other."
posted by LoRichTimes at 8:43 PM on September 18, 2015 [125 favorites]
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posted by ChuraChura at 8:44 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by ChuraChura at 8:44 PM on September 18, 2015
Along with his message, it's important to underline that even though someone might feel isolated, there is help, and people come through those hard feelings by reaching out. If you or someone else are feeling low or like you need to talk to somebody, there are many places to turn. Here are just a few hotline resources and live online chat support:
The big list, assembled by Mefi members who care: There Is Help
In the USA: call 800-273-TALK (8255).
For other countries' phone hotlines: see here.
One online crisis chat service.
You can also contact us at mods@metafilter.com anytime.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 8:45 PM on September 18, 2015 [52 favorites]
The big list, assembled by Mefi members who care: There Is Help
In the USA: call 800-273-TALK (8255).
For other countries' phone hotlines: see here.
One online crisis chat service.
You can also contact us at mods@metafilter.com anytime.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 8:45 PM on September 18, 2015 [52 favorites]
avocet: Yeah. I posted comments to that thread today just wishing I could page him over and say "Hey! Bring the Canadian legal perspective to this!" I tried to channel him and bring some Canadian legal stuff to it. I was sadly inadequate.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:49 PM on September 18, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:49 PM on September 18, 2015 [2 favorites]
(never is "Everyone needs a hug." more apt)
posted by immlass at 8:52 PM on September 18, 2015 [11 favorites]
posted by immlass at 8:52 PM on September 18, 2015 [11 favorites]
I've been trying to find the right words to describe Aaron; we only met in person a few times, had several hilarious conversations over MeMail and Facebook. And I have come up empty--the best I can do is to quote Christopher Lee talking in an interview about Ian McKellen, saying "he's a very nice man," and meaning it in the best possible way; talking about generosity of spirit.
Aaron was an amazing person, and I was shattered by the news. It's a cliche that suicides are so often a surprise. His was, and I shudder to think what demons he was wrestling with.
I was also thinking... if MeFites are making donations to the CMHA, would it be possible/desirable to donate all together, a lump sum "In memory of Aaron 'Lemur' Mintz"?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:52 PM on September 18, 2015 [23 favorites]
Aaron was an amazing person, and I was shattered by the news. It's a cliche that suicides are so often a surprise. His was, and I shudder to think what demons he was wrestling with.
I was also thinking... if MeFites are making donations to the CMHA, would it be possible/desirable to donate all together, a lump sum "In memory of Aaron 'Lemur' Mintz"?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:52 PM on September 18, 2015 [23 favorites]
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posted by dorothyisunderwood at 8:53 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 8:53 PM on September 18, 2015
We only met once or twice, but it was evident within moments that he was direct and kind and warm and bona fide and I'm so sorry he's gone. Peace to you all, and thank you for the community.
posted by peagood at 9:01 PM on September 18, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by peagood at 9:01 PM on September 18, 2015 [6 favorites]
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posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:05 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:05 PM on September 18, 2015
I saw mention of this on fb earlier today. My condolences to you all who had the good fortune to know him in person. I send you hugs.
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posted by rtha at 9:14 PM on September 18, 2015 [2 favorites]
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posted by rtha at 9:14 PM on September 18, 2015 [2 favorites]
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posted by gingerbeer at 9:29 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by gingerbeer at 9:29 PM on September 18, 2015
I just read back through a bunch of his comments, and I'm struck by how many I remember reading at the time. I never met him or knew him other than as a name next to a timestamp below comments here, but like so many people here I came to recognize his writing style within the first couple of sentences, and over time felt I at least slightly knew the person behind the typing.
posted by Dip Flash at 9:29 PM on September 18, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by Dip Flash at 9:29 PM on September 18, 2015 [10 favorites]
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posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 9:37 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 9:37 PM on September 18, 2015
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posted by The Great Big Mulp at 9:40 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 9:40 PM on September 18, 2015
Lemurrhea,
I read your message, you changed my life too, sharing your voice. I have loved many of your posts. You did good. I wish I could have known you better and helped you carry whatever your burdens were as it seems you did for others.
If there is more, may your ancestors embrace you, and the good beings heal your wounds and aid and protect you in your transition. If you have work left to do here, let them teach you to shine down as is best done... if there is work left that those here must do for you, may it reach you where you are. may the rainbow bridge take you somewhere you want to be, to find loved ones, some land... better than this one. Whether the abyss from whence we came, that quietude in which there is no suffering-- or something better of which I wish and dream as many do.
Whatever suffering took you so soon, may we create a world where our future beings may someday be protected from such things.
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posted by xarnop at 9:43 PM on September 18, 2015 [14 favorites]
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posted by rangefinder 1.4 at 9:46 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by rangefinder 1.4 at 9:46 PM on September 18, 2015
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posted by EvaDestruction at 9:48 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by EvaDestruction at 9:48 PM on September 18, 2015
I'm really very sad to hear this. I only knew him through the site, but I valued all his contributions, the kindness and intellect he brought to his comments.
Vale.
posted by smoke at 9:59 PM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
Vale.
posted by smoke at 9:59 PM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
No, no no no. I am so, so sorry to hear this--it makes me terribly sad to know he is gone. His comments were always so smart, thoughtful and compassionate. My thoughts are with all of you who knew him, and his friends and family.
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posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:03 PM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
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posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:03 PM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
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posted by pibeandres at 10:12 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by pibeandres at 10:12 PM on September 18, 2015
Oh dear. I didn't know him except through the site, but I always pricked up my metaphorical ears when I saw his name on a comment or post.
RIP
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posted by trip and a half at 10:20 PM on September 18, 2015
RIP
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posted by trip and a half at 10:20 PM on September 18, 2015
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posted by Klaxon Aoooogah at 10:24 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by Klaxon Aoooogah at 10:24 PM on September 18, 2015
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posted by equalpants at 10:30 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by equalpants at 10:30 PM on September 18, 2015
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posted by WidgetAlley at 10:31 PM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by WidgetAlley at 10:31 PM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
I was so shocked to hear this. I met Aaron at meetups several times, and he was so warm and funny and generous. I had always been nervous about going to meetups with people from the Internet, but he was so welcoming that it seemed like we'd known each other for a while and were just picking up where we'd left off every time. I remember coming up with the idea of the "Stripmobile" together - like the Bookmobile, but bringing adult entertainment to underserved regions.
I regret so much that I missed all the meetups this summer. They were always on days I couldn't go. You never know when it's your last chance to see someone.
I had a bit of a magical experience tonight. It was a relative's birthday, so I went to the bar, distracted, not in the mood to celebrate. "It's been a bit of a rough day," I said as I sat down, and vaguely explained the situation in terms of a "person I know from the Internet." Another relative looked shocked. "Are you...are you talking about Aaron?" he said. It caught me totally off guard. He had never mentioned it before, and he's not a MeFite; he's close to a member of the immediate family, and had just been talking about what had happened. Then a friend of his leaned forward. "Are you talking about Aaron?" he said. Neither my relative nor I had known this, but Aaron was a close friend of this man's best friend. Three people at one table, originally from different places and different circles, none of us knowing we had this particular connection until that moment. The world suddenly felt very small, and a little emptier, but we were a little closer.
You never know how many people you touch in this life, which is why, as Aaron wisely said, we need to be kind to each other. I think he'd be entertained by what happened this evening, and I'm just so sorry he's gone.
posted by ilana at 10:34 PM on September 18, 2015 [113 favorites]
I regret so much that I missed all the meetups this summer. They were always on days I couldn't go. You never know when it's your last chance to see someone.
I had a bit of a magical experience tonight. It was a relative's birthday, so I went to the bar, distracted, not in the mood to celebrate. "It's been a bit of a rough day," I said as I sat down, and vaguely explained the situation in terms of a "person I know from the Internet." Another relative looked shocked. "Are you...are you talking about Aaron?" he said. It caught me totally off guard. He had never mentioned it before, and he's not a MeFite; he's close to a member of the immediate family, and had just been talking about what had happened. Then a friend of his leaned forward. "Are you talking about Aaron?" he said. Neither my relative nor I had known this, but Aaron was a close friend of this man's best friend. Three people at one table, originally from different places and different circles, none of us knowing we had this particular connection until that moment. The world suddenly felt very small, and a little emptier, but we were a little closer.
You never know how many people you touch in this life, which is why, as Aaron wisely said, we need to be kind to each other. I think he'd be entertained by what happened this evening, and I'm just so sorry he's gone.
posted by ilana at 10:34 PM on September 18, 2015 [113 favorites]
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posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 11:10 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 11:10 PM on September 18, 2015
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posted by randomination at 11:18 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by randomination at 11:18 PM on September 18, 2015
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posted by something something at 11:18 PM on September 18, 2015
posted by something something at 11:18 PM on September 18, 2015
While it's not so good to try to represent anybody by any one single remark or observation they might have made, when I look back on his most favorited comments I feel like this is not a bad one to point out here as one piece of what forms our memories of him: witty, funny, smart, acute, humane, incisive, caring – making his point in a wicked sharp but not at all unkind or railing way.
Love and peace to you, lemurrhea. Love and strength to all his friends and family and to our Metafilter community which is poorer without him. I will do my best to always be kind.
posted by taz (staff) at 11:35 PM on September 18, 2015 [34 favorites]
Love and peace to you, lemurrhea. Love and strength to all his friends and family and to our Metafilter community which is poorer without him. I will do my best to always be kind.
posted by taz (staff) at 11:35 PM on September 18, 2015 [34 favorites]
Oh my god, I'm so sorry to hear this. I will really miss his voice here.
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posted by en forme de poire at 11:41 PM on September 18, 2015
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posted by en forme de poire at 11:41 PM on September 18, 2015
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posted by Xavier Xavier at 12:10 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by Xavier Xavier at 12:10 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by thetortoise at 12:15 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by smudgedlens at 12:33 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by hapax_legomenon at 12:39 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by hapax_legomenon at 12:39 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by supercrayon at 12:57 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by Smart Dalek at 1:43 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by Smart Dalek at 1:43 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by nom de poop at 1:59 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by nom de poop at 1:59 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 2:23 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 2:23 AM on September 19, 2015
I loved his comments here. My heartfelt condolences to those of you lucky enough to have known him in person, as a friend.
posted by harriet vane at 2:45 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by harriet vane at 2:45 AM on September 19, 2015
Well, shit. This is awful. While I only knew him from his contributions on Metafilter, his voice was so distinctive with its insight, humor, and spark. Condolences to his family, friends, and all those who knew him. He will be remembered, and dearly, dearly missed.
posted by missmary6 at 2:46 AM on September 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by missmary6 at 2:46 AM on September 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
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posted by Pink Frost at 2:52 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by Pink Frost at 2:52 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by the man of twists and turns at 3:03 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by the man of twists and turns at 3:03 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:04 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:04 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by Sing Fool Sing at 3:08 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by Sing Fool Sing at 3:08 AM on September 19, 2015
I met Aaron at a Toronto meetup. At the time, I was working at an Ontario tribunal that deals with a very boring subject. (Had I not changed jobs, I was going to need to AskMeFi how to answer the "Where do you work?" question without totally killing the conversation.)
He asked, and I answered, dreading the inevitable silence. Suddenly, I was fielding question after question about notices of application, procedural orders, decisions, hearings, and appeals to Divisional Court. I know he was a lawyer, but I have known plenty of lawyers and none have taken so much interest.
The plain fact is that he decided to be kind to me, on an evening where I was feeling and acting shyly and out of place. After I got to the end of my knowledge on the Tribunal (which didn't take long) he devoted his full attention to folding me into an another conversation he had been having. I remember thinking he was so charming and amusing. He really cared about helping a total stranger and I am happy to hear he got a lot from this community. I had hoped to meet Aaron again someday.
My heart goes out to his friends and family. RIP.
posted by cranberrymonger at 3:56 AM on September 19, 2015 [37 favorites]
He asked, and I answered, dreading the inevitable silence. Suddenly, I was fielding question after question about notices of application, procedural orders, decisions, hearings, and appeals to Divisional Court. I know he was a lawyer, but I have known plenty of lawyers and none have taken so much interest.
The plain fact is that he decided to be kind to me, on an evening where I was feeling and acting shyly and out of place. After I got to the end of my knowledge on the Tribunal (which didn't take long) he devoted his full attention to folding me into an another conversation he had been having. I remember thinking he was so charming and amusing. He really cared about helping a total stranger and I am happy to hear he got a lot from this community. I had hoped to meet Aaron again someday.
My heart goes out to his friends and family. RIP.
posted by cranberrymonger at 3:56 AM on September 19, 2015 [37 favorites]
Oh this is so sad. I only "knew" him from his comments here which I always enjoyed, and it's awful to think we'll never hear from him again. I'm sorry he was in so much pain. I'm sorry for the pain those who loved him are carrying now. Peace to you all, and to him. Hug everyone you love extra hard today.
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posted by billiebee at 4:01 AM on September 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
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posted by billiebee at 4:01 AM on September 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
I am sorry I never got to him at any of the TO meet-ups. He was always very sweet and apologetic about not being able to make any of the ones I arranged. But again, I do what we would all do: say, "That's cool! We'll just hang out the next time! It'll happen at some point!"
It makes me sad when those windows close forever.
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posted by Kitteh at 4:15 AM on September 19, 2015 [8 favorites]
It makes me sad when those windows close forever.
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posted by Kitteh at 4:15 AM on September 19, 2015 [8 favorites]
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posted by hydropsyche at 4:17 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by correcaminos at 4:35 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by MonkeyToes at 4:53 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by Stewriffic at 4:54 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by mediareport at 4:56 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by mediareport at 4:56 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by bitterpants at 5:03 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by double block and bleed at 5:45 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by double block and bleed at 5:45 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:46 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:46 AM on September 19, 2015
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He was both kind to me and made a Pterry joke in a recent MeTa. Now that's good people.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:48 AM on September 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
He was both kind to me and made a Pterry joke in a recent MeTa. Now that's good people.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:48 AM on September 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I shared the news yesterday with a friend on Facebook/long-time lurker here (I do wish he would join). He expressed his sorrow that he never got to meet Aaron, and because he is let-us-say overly generous in thinking that my grasp of Norse poetry approaches his wide-ranging one, he added:
You know, I expect, the most famous verse of Hávamál:
A few minutes browsing this thread conveys the impression that Aaron left on everyone he spoke with: it doesn't matter whether you knew him for years, saw him at the occasional meetup, or merely read him online. His capacity for joy was immense and his enthusiasm infectious.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:54 AM on September 19, 2015 [37 favorites]
You know, I expect, the most famous verse of Hávamál:
Cattle die; kinsmen die;
One's self must also die.
I know one thing that never dies:
The reputation of each dead man.
A few minutes browsing this thread conveys the impression that Aaron left on everyone he spoke with: it doesn't matter whether you knew him for years, saw him at the occasional meetup, or merely read him online. His capacity for joy was immense and his enthusiasm infectious.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:54 AM on September 19, 2015 [37 favorites]
I've missed so many recent meet ups. Like an idiot. Sad news. Surprising.
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posted by chunking express at 5:54 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by chunking express at 5:54 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by SillyShepherd at 5:55 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by Lutoslawski at 6:17 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by bibliogrrl at 6:25 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by bibliogrrl at 6:25 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by lalochezia at 6:32 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by lalochezia at 6:32 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by pemberkins at 6:32 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by pemberkins at 6:32 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by easily confused at 6:44 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by easily confused at 6:44 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by NoraCharles at 6:45 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by NoraCharles at 6:45 AM on September 19, 2015
The one time I met Aaron in person was at a meetup two summers ago.
I thought he was sweet, funny, and immediately likeable - I still tell people about our "Six Degrees Of Newfoundland" discussion, wherein I discovered that he'd lived just up the street from my grandmother's house in Corner Brook, where I spent most of my childhood summers.
Now, I wish I'd gotten to know him better.
Rest in peace, sir, you are so very clearly loved and missed.
posted by tantrumthecat at 6:55 AM on September 19, 2015 [9 favorites]
I thought he was sweet, funny, and immediately likeable - I still tell people about our "Six Degrees Of Newfoundland" discussion, wherein I discovered that he'd lived just up the street from my grandmother's house in Corner Brook, where I spent most of my childhood summers.
Now, I wish I'd gotten to know him better.
Rest in peace, sir, you are so very clearly loved and missed.
posted by tantrumthecat at 6:55 AM on September 19, 2015 [9 favorites]
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posted by likeatoaster at 7:04 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by likeatoaster at 7:04 AM on September 19, 2015
What a loss. I am so sorry to get this sad news.
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posted by GrammarMoses at 7:21 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by GrammarMoses at 7:21 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by Spathe Cadet at 7:22 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by Spathe Cadet at 7:22 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by TheophileEscargot at 7:23 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by TheophileEscargot at 7:23 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by dislegomena at 7:28 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by dislegomena at 7:28 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by deludingmyself at 7:39 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by deludingmyself at 7:39 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by Elly Vortex at 7:47 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by Elly Vortex at 7:47 AM on September 19, 2015
Damn. My condolences to the YYZ MeFites on your loss.
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posted by Ufez Jones at 8:07 AM on September 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
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posted by Ufez Jones at 8:07 AM on September 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Hi everyone, I'm a close IRL friend of his, and I'm in contact with his family. There will be a celebration of life in Toronto the weekend of the 25th. When I know more of the details I will get that information out to the MeFi community in case anyone is interested.
Thanks.
posted by LegallyBread at 8:28 AM on September 19, 2015 [22 favorites]
Thanks.
posted by LegallyBread at 8:28 AM on September 19, 2015 [22 favorites]
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posted by Doktor Zed at 8:29 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by Doktor Zed at 8:29 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by crush-onastick at 8:42 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by crush-onastick at 8:42 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by Halo in reverse at 8:46 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by Halo in reverse at 8:46 AM on September 19, 2015
LegallyBread, many of us are going to be interested. Some of us were already planning to go. Please post the information when you have it.
posted by grouse at 9:09 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by grouse at 9:09 AM on September 19, 2015
Love and peace to you, lemurrhea. Love and strength to all his friends and family and to our Metafilter community which is poorer without him. I will do my best to always be kind.
What Taz said. Peace and love.
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:13 AM on September 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
What Taz said. Peace and love.
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:13 AM on September 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
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Goddammit, what? We shared a few light-hearted words on Twitter - I told him his profile pic made me afraid he was going to get squashed. My sympathies to all who knew him.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 9:16 AM on September 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Goddammit, what? We shared a few light-hearted words on Twitter - I told him his profile pic made me afraid he was going to get squashed. My sympathies to all who knew him.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 9:16 AM on September 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
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posted by Little Dawn at 9:22 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by Little Dawn at 9:22 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:30 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:30 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by roll truck roll at 9:37 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by roll truck roll at 9:37 AM on September 19, 2015
Aaron, I'm so sorry you felt so much pain.
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posted by theora55 at 9:37 AM on September 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
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posted by theora55 at 9:37 AM on September 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
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posted by Monsieur Caution at 9:37 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by Monsieur Caution at 9:37 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by mothershock at 9:42 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by mothershock at 9:42 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by msbubbaclees at 10:02 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by msbubbaclees at 10:02 AM on September 19, 2015
So, so sorry to hear this. Sending love, light, and peace to Aaron and everyone who knows and loves him.
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posted by divined by radio at 10:30 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by divined by radio at 10:30 AM on September 19, 2015
Love and peace to all those who will miss him. I'm so very sorry.
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posted by Pardon Our Dust at 10:32 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by Pardon Our Dust at 10:32 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by masquesoporfavor at 10:41 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by masquesoporfavor at 10:41 AM on September 19, 2015
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posted by bibliowench at 10:55 AM on September 19, 2015
posted by bibliowench at 10:55 AM on September 19, 2015
I didn't interact with him all that much here or on twitter but I knew the name immediately when I saw a reference to his death on Facebook and it hit me like a punch in the gut. Any friend of Phire's and LoRichTimes' has got to be quite the awesome person. My thoughts and condolences go out to his friends and any family members reading this.
And all of you out there - I too have struggled mightily with demons within and my door is ALWAYS OPEN if I can give you a kind word or cat gif, whatever will help. Fastest way to reach me is via Twitter, then email (in profile), then memail. I approve everyone on Twitter who's not a spambot.
posted by desjardins at 12:29 PM on September 19, 2015 [21 favorites]
And all of you out there - I too have struggled mightily with demons within and my door is ALWAYS OPEN if I can give you a kind word or cat gif, whatever will help. Fastest way to reach me is via Twitter, then email (in profile), then memail. I approve everyone on Twitter who's not a spambot.
posted by desjardins at 12:29 PM on September 19, 2015 [21 favorites]
This is how I described Aaron to another MeFite after a meetup in May:
You should meet him, he is cool… He was wearing a shirt that says "SHE WANTS THE Destruction of the patriarchy."posted by grouse at 12:32 PM on September 19, 2015 [25 favorites]
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posted by homunculus at 12:40 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by homunculus at 12:40 PM on September 19, 2015
This is almost unbearably sad.
posted by essexjan at 1:10 PM on September 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by essexjan at 1:10 PM on September 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
This is heartbreaking, that such a kind, much beloved person had so much pain. Thank you to all who shared such meaningful thoughts and remembrances about Aaron. My deepest condolences to all those of you who knew and loved him, I am sorry that you suffer such a sad loss. I am sorry for all the rest of us, too, for what we have lost. Lemurrhea, I hope you are at peace now.
Please, let us all be kind to each other and make time for puppies and other wonders of this life to honor Aaron.
posted by madamjujujive at 2:03 PM on September 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
Please, let us all be kind to each other and make time for puppies and other wonders of this life to honor Aaron.
posted by madamjujujive at 2:03 PM on September 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
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posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:21 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:21 PM on September 19, 2015
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posted by limeonaire at 2:50 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by limeonaire at 2:50 PM on September 19, 2015
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posted by languagehat at 2:56 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by languagehat at 2:56 PM on September 19, 2015
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posted by but no cigar at 3:03 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by but no cigar at 3:03 PM on September 19, 2015
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posted by mykescipark at 3:08 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by mykescipark at 3:08 PM on September 19, 2015
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posted by angelchrys at 3:15 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by angelchrys at 3:15 PM on September 19, 2015
My condolences to everyone who knew him. He made this place a better place, and his username always gave me a really weird all-day Pixies earworm.
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posted by Lyn Never at 3:53 PM on September 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
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posted by Lyn Never at 3:53 PM on September 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Sad. Somehow I find it much more upsetting when people die suddenly rather than from a long illness. I never met him in person but he was a great contributor. I wish he could have been told how much he'd be missed.
posted by GuyZero at 4:28 PM on September 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by GuyZero at 4:28 PM on September 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
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posted by Justinian at 4:58 PM on September 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Justinian at 4:58 PM on September 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
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posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 5:04 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 5:04 PM on September 19, 2015
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posted by catchingsignals at 6:02 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by catchingsignals at 6:02 PM on September 19, 2015
.posted by cortex (staff) at 6:06 PM on September 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
I wish I'd had the chance to get to know Aaron better. Please add a dot on my behalf.
—one more dead town's last parade
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posted by Lycaon_pictus at 6:37 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by Lycaon_pictus at 6:37 PM on September 19, 2015
I don't know what else to do but take his advice in the title of this thread.
Didn't know him at all except from his comments of the site, but it still breaks my heart.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:25 PM on September 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
Didn't know him at all except from his comments of the site, but it still breaks my heart.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:25 PM on September 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
So terrible. My condolences to his friends and family.
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posted by computech_apolloniajames at 7:32 PM on September 19, 2015
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posted by computech_apolloniajames at 7:32 PM on September 19, 2015
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posted by oneswellfoop at 7:49 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by oneswellfoop at 7:49 PM on September 19, 2015
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posted by cotton dress sock at 8:02 PM on September 19, 2015
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posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 8:09 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 8:09 PM on September 19, 2015
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posted by Joe in Australia at 8:26 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by Joe in Australia at 8:26 PM on September 19, 2015
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posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 8:28 PM on September 19, 2015
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posted by spinifex23 at 8:45 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by spinifex23 at 8:45 PM on September 19, 2015
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posted by tickingclock at 9:54 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by tickingclock at 9:54 PM on September 19, 2015
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I had the pleasure of meeting him at a meet up the last time I was in TO. May his memory be a blessing.
posted by brujita at 10:19 PM on September 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
I had the pleasure of meeting him at a meet up the last time I was in TO. May his memory be a blessing.
posted by brujita at 10:19 PM on September 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
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posted by Mouse Army at 10:42 PM on September 19, 2015
posted by Mouse Army at 10:42 PM on September 19, 2015
I never met him irl, but some of his comments changed me for the better.
Condolences to his family and friends.
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posted by motdiem2 at 11:01 PM on September 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Condolences to his family and friends.
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posted by motdiem2 at 11:01 PM on September 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
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posted by peripathetic at 1:35 AM on September 20, 2015
posted by peripathetic at 1:35 AM on September 20, 2015
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posted by mochapickle at 4:55 AM on September 20, 2015
posted by mochapickle at 4:55 AM on September 20, 2015
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posted by kimberussell at 5:08 AM on September 20, 2015
posted by kimberussell at 5:08 AM on September 20, 2015
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posted by Metroid Baby at 5:09 AM on September 20, 2015
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:09 AM on September 20, 2015
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posted by Athanassiel at 7:16 AM on September 20, 2015
posted by Athanassiel at 7:16 AM on September 20, 2015
RIP. You will be missed.
posted by jonmc at 7:42 AM on September 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by jonmc at 7:42 AM on September 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
My deepest sympathies to Aaron's family, friends and all who knew and loved him. Rest in peace, kind soul.
posted by terrapin at 7:44 AM on September 20, 2015
posted by terrapin at 7:44 AM on September 20, 2015
I never got to meet Aaron, but I enjoyed his contributions here, especially how he would weigh in whenever Newfoundland got mentioned (there are few of us here and sadly, another one passed away a couple of months ago). We shared a friendly pm or two. Terrible, terrible news. I feel awful for those who loved him.
Here's the link again to donate to the Canadian Mental Health Association. Unfortunately, this will be my second donation this week in memory of someone who took their life. Spare a few dollars if you have it, folks, and either way, go hug your people a little tighter tonight.
posted by futureisunwritten at 9:14 AM on September 20, 2015 [7 favorites]
Here's the link again to donate to the Canadian Mental Health Association. Unfortunately, this will be my second donation this week in memory of someone who took their life. Spare a few dollars if you have it, folks, and either way, go hug your people a little tighter tonight.
posted by futureisunwritten at 9:14 AM on September 20, 2015 [7 favorites]
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posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:25 AM on September 20, 2015
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:25 AM on September 20, 2015
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posted by EndsOfInvention at 9:32 AM on September 20, 2015
posted by EndsOfInvention at 9:32 AM on September 20, 2015
Damn. Great MeFite, and sounds like a great person. Condolences to his people, and to the folks here lucky enough to have met and known him.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:50 AM on September 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:50 AM on September 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
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posted by tychotesla at 10:12 AM on September 20, 2015
posted by tychotesla at 10:12 AM on September 20, 2015
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posted by TwoWordReview at 5:09 PM on September 20, 2015
posted by TwoWordReview at 5:09 PM on September 20, 2015
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posted by bookdragoness at 6:22 PM on September 20, 2015
posted by bookdragoness at 6:22 PM on September 20, 2015
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posted by Trivia Newton John at 6:28 PM on September 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Trivia Newton John at 6:28 PM on September 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
I found out Thursday night when LoRichTimes called me, about five minutes after I landed in Seattle for a work trip. We'd both stayed up all night talking to his other friends and talking to police and hoping against hope that his suicide note was just a really awful joke that didn't land. We should've known better - his jokes always land.
I had a big stressful work thing all of Friday that I stayed up late on Thursday preparing for, and every time the group chat with Toronto MeFites threatened to overwhelm me I turned back to my work notes, feeling like a heartless asshole. I spent Thursday night studying and prepping and steadfastly not thinking about it, Friday night with Seattle MeFites drinking more than was wise and steadfastly not thinking about it, the plane ride on Saturday sleeping and watching movies and steadfastly not thinking about it, and arrived at the meetup last night and was mostly okay until we started talking about Aaron as a group and I managed about 5 minutes of that before I started crying and could not stop.
There are so many things I miss already, so many little things I didn't even realize I'd come to rely on. We will never again carpool to board games and spend way more time getting derailed in the most interesting, varied, and hilarious conversations than on the actual game itself. He will never horrify us with intentionally awful puns about the latest absurdity in Canadian politics. I will never get a chatty message at 2 AM about the latest deposition he's working on because he knows I'll still be awake and will probably needle him about his workaholism. He will never post another incisive and insightful commentary on the hypocrisies of our elected leaders. He will never show up to an event with a container full of his latest baking experiment or a peculiar flavour of ice cream or an overly sweet cocktail recipe and that bright, infectious laugh.
At the meetup last night, grouse asked for reflections and memories of Aaron, and there were a few moments' pause while we gathered our thoughts and tried to overcome our awkward and introverted natures. I couldn't help but think that Aaron would've been the first to jump into that silence and fill the void with a sharp and witty anecdote that set people at ease and brought them out of their shells. And now that he's gone, who will? He seemed to find everything at least a little bit amusing -- could pull the humour out of the darkest circumstances -- because he understood how inherently absurd life could be. I wonder what joke he would make about this, now?
We'd talked about his struggles with anxiety and panic attacks but he always made it sound like an abstract thing, something in the past, something he had a grip on, because even to the very end he didn't want to be a burden. I wish I'd asked more, pushed harder.
I can't believe he's going to miss the election and Mulcair winning by a landslide (fingers crossed). I can't believe he's going to miss all those future Last Week Tonight episodes and all of Trump's antics and the next Toronto Tweed Ride and the new Firefly expansions. I can't believe he's missing, right now, David Cameron's IRL cameo in a Black Mirror episode. He told me, when we asked him to be the co-MC at the wedding, that we would have to have many more meetups so he could accrue embarrassing stories about us. I still can't really believe that won't happen, now.
He was so, so kind and generous and empathetic, and he was one of the smartest and most quick-witted people I'd ever met. Everything he did and said was informed and considered and smart but first and foremost motivated by a genuine love for the people around him and a genuine desire for justice. When he livetweeted his reading of the IACHR report on murdered and missing indigenous women he had to stop several times in the middle to cry over the awfulness of everything he was reading, but he pushed on because someone had to bear witness to this injustice, someone had to spread the word. It breaks my heart that he didn't feel that boundless love he had for others for himself, that his knowledge of the depth of love we have for him wasn't enough to overcome his demons. I can't blame him for choosing no longer to fight something that must've been overwhelming and draining and exhausting, but goddammit I am furious that in Twenty-fucking-Fifteen we still don't have the language and technology and infrastructure and political will to support better mental health care.
The world is less bright and worse off without him. Not just a little, a lot. He had great things in him. Rest, Aaron. I will truly miss you.
posted by Phire at 8:15 PM on September 20, 2015 [132 favorites]
I had a big stressful work thing all of Friday that I stayed up late on Thursday preparing for, and every time the group chat with Toronto MeFites threatened to overwhelm me I turned back to my work notes, feeling like a heartless asshole. I spent Thursday night studying and prepping and steadfastly not thinking about it, Friday night with Seattle MeFites drinking more than was wise and steadfastly not thinking about it, the plane ride on Saturday sleeping and watching movies and steadfastly not thinking about it, and arrived at the meetup last night and was mostly okay until we started talking about Aaron as a group and I managed about 5 minutes of that before I started crying and could not stop.
There are so many things I miss already, so many little things I didn't even realize I'd come to rely on. We will never again carpool to board games and spend way more time getting derailed in the most interesting, varied, and hilarious conversations than on the actual game itself. He will never horrify us with intentionally awful puns about the latest absurdity in Canadian politics. I will never get a chatty message at 2 AM about the latest deposition he's working on because he knows I'll still be awake and will probably needle him about his workaholism. He will never post another incisive and insightful commentary on the hypocrisies of our elected leaders. He will never show up to an event with a container full of his latest baking experiment or a peculiar flavour of ice cream or an overly sweet cocktail recipe and that bright, infectious laugh.
At the meetup last night, grouse asked for reflections and memories of Aaron, and there were a few moments' pause while we gathered our thoughts and tried to overcome our awkward and introverted natures. I couldn't help but think that Aaron would've been the first to jump into that silence and fill the void with a sharp and witty anecdote that set people at ease and brought them out of their shells. And now that he's gone, who will? He seemed to find everything at least a little bit amusing -- could pull the humour out of the darkest circumstances -- because he understood how inherently absurd life could be. I wonder what joke he would make about this, now?
We'd talked about his struggles with anxiety and panic attacks but he always made it sound like an abstract thing, something in the past, something he had a grip on, because even to the very end he didn't want to be a burden. I wish I'd asked more, pushed harder.
I can't believe he's going to miss the election and Mulcair winning by a landslide (fingers crossed). I can't believe he's going to miss all those future Last Week Tonight episodes and all of Trump's antics and the next Toronto Tweed Ride and the new Firefly expansions. I can't believe he's missing, right now, David Cameron's IRL cameo in a Black Mirror episode. He told me, when we asked him to be the co-MC at the wedding, that we would have to have many more meetups so he could accrue embarrassing stories about us. I still can't really believe that won't happen, now.
He was so, so kind and generous and empathetic, and he was one of the smartest and most quick-witted people I'd ever met. Everything he did and said was informed and considered and smart but first and foremost motivated by a genuine love for the people around him and a genuine desire for justice. When he livetweeted his reading of the IACHR report on murdered and missing indigenous women he had to stop several times in the middle to cry over the awfulness of everything he was reading, but he pushed on because someone had to bear witness to this injustice, someone had to spread the word. It breaks my heart that he didn't feel that boundless love he had for others for himself, that his knowledge of the depth of love we have for him wasn't enough to overcome his demons. I can't blame him for choosing no longer to fight something that must've been overwhelming and draining and exhausting, but goddammit I am furious that in Twenty-fucking-Fifteen we still don't have the language and technology and infrastructure and political will to support better mental health care.
The world is less bright and worse off without him. Not just a little, a lot. He had great things in him. Rest, Aaron. I will truly miss you.
posted by Phire at 8:15 PM on September 20, 2015 [132 favorites]
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posted by Gygesringtone at 8:53 PM on September 20, 2015
posted by Gygesringtone at 8:53 PM on September 20, 2015
Phire, his emotional response to livetweeting that report is one of the things I remember most clearly about his participation here. It said a lot about the kind of person he was.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 9:33 PM on September 20, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 9:33 PM on September 20, 2015 [7 favorites]
Y"all are making me sadder and sadder that I never met him, which I think is one of the best tributes people can give their friends who have gone.
posted by benito.strauss at 10:03 PM on September 20, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by benito.strauss at 10:03 PM on September 20, 2015 [12 favorites]
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posted by Rustic Etruscan at 10:17 PM on September 20, 2015
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 10:17 PM on September 20, 2015
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posted by metaquarry at 4:43 AM on September 21, 2015
posted by metaquarry at 4:43 AM on September 21, 2015
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posted by [expletive deleted] at 4:43 AM on September 21, 2015
posted by [expletive deleted] at 4:43 AM on September 21, 2015
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posted by pointystick at 5:50 AM on September 21, 2015
posted by pointystick at 5:50 AM on September 21, 2015
An amazing contributor who I never had the pleasure to meet. I'm heartbroken to hear this news. I noted the first time I viewed his profile years back (and never forgot) that we joined MeFi the same day. His user number is 5 away from mine.
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posted by SpiffyRob at 6:16 AM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
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posted by SpiffyRob at 6:16 AM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
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posted by Westringia F. at 6:51 AM on September 21, 2015
posted by Westringia F. at 6:51 AM on September 21, 2015
I am so sorry.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 8:30 AM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 8:30 AM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
I never met Lemurrhea in person, but I am pleased to know that he was the "guest of honor" for such a warm-hearted occasion as that IRL the other day. I will miss his comments and I wish him peace.
posted by wenestvedt at 8:58 AM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by wenestvedt at 8:58 AM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm so sorry for everyone who knew him, and for those of us who only had the pleasure online. It's just not fair when we lose people like him. It's just not.
posted by dejah420 at 9:10 AM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by dejah420 at 9:10 AM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]
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posted by Grandysaur at 10:13 AM on September 21, 2015
posted by Grandysaur at 10:13 AM on September 21, 2015
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posted by Duffington at 11:11 AM on September 21, 2015
posted by Duffington at 11:11 AM on September 21, 2015
This breaks my heart.
Also, in addition to the wonderful suicide prevention resources provided upthread, there's this one, in Toronto proper.
And for those who prefer to text, not call, there is this option.
posted by chicainthecity at 11:49 AM on September 21, 2015 [6 favorites]
Also, in addition to the wonderful suicide prevention resources provided upthread, there's this one, in Toronto proper.
And for those who prefer to text, not call, there is this option.
posted by chicainthecity at 11:49 AM on September 21, 2015 [6 favorites]
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posted by triggerfinger at 5:21 PM on September 21, 2015
posted by triggerfinger at 5:21 PM on September 21, 2015
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posted by Joey Michaels at 5:34 PM on September 21, 2015
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:34 PM on September 21, 2015
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posted by Nolechick11 at 7:00 PM on September 21, 2015
posted by Nolechick11 at 7:00 PM on September 21, 2015
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posted by sarcasticah at 7:26 PM on September 21, 2015
posted by sarcasticah at 7:26 PM on September 21, 2015
I'm so sorry to hear this. I don't spend a lot of time on Metafilter anymore but I recognized his username instantly as one of the (many) community members here who regularly has good things to say.
Sincere condolences to his family and loved ones.
posted by AV at 7:53 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
Sincere condolences to his family and loved ones.
posted by AV at 7:53 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
Canada, which is so very large, is smaller from his absence.
As is MetaFilter. As are we all.
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posted by maxsparber at 7:54 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
As is MetaFilter. As are we all.
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posted by maxsparber at 7:54 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
My deep sympathy goes out to Lemurrhea and to his friends and family here and elsewhere. I regret not meeting him myself. I will try harder to be kind.
posted by Songdog at 8:41 PM on September 21, 2015
posted by Songdog at 8:41 PM on September 21, 2015
.
“There's only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you've got to be kind.” —Kurt Vonnegut, God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater
posted by Toekneesan at 3:30 AM on September 22, 2015
“There's only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you've got to be kind.” —Kurt Vonnegut, God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater
posted by Toekneesan at 3:30 AM on September 22, 2015
Details of the Celebration of Life his family is putting on in Toronto:
Link
posted by LegallyBread at 3:58 AM on September 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
Link
posted by LegallyBread at 3:58 AM on September 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm sorry.
posted by redindiaink at 7:43 AM on September 22, 2015
posted by redindiaink at 7:43 AM on September 22, 2015
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posted by erratic meatsack at 9:37 AM on September 22, 2015
posted by erratic meatsack at 9:37 AM on September 22, 2015
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posted by Fuzzy Monster at 10:48 PM on September 22, 2015
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 10:48 PM on September 22, 2015
This news has left me deeply saddened. I have had many racing thoughts on this, and worry about trying to actually put words to even a few of those thoughts before this thread closes. I strongly want to register that your words were important to me, Lemurrhea (sadly that is all I knew you as, only as words that I could read, I never experienced the wonderful person that so many people clearly remember you as, which also came across in your words). I wish all of those who are dealing with the loss of this young man with such an amazing, challenging and divided mind in a far more personal way than I peace and hope for the future.
I have a number of drafts of messages that I wrote to him on multiple occasions, but for whatever foolish reason never sent; after an insightful, funny, or considerate comment he had written, after another legal insight (too many to count, he had a brilliant mind for law), after his work sharing and spreading word about the report MMIW in Canada, after so many comments that made his comments stick in my mind well after reading them—intending to share my appreciation for his sharing of his words, ideas and feelings—I never sent them—and it breaks me down to know, and remember that those are to be permanent draft messages.
I just wanted to say that my life felt ripples from the energy and focus of his words. I am so very sorry for the loss that everyone is feeling, in particular those who loved and knew him in the action of their lives. I hope for peace, safety, health—and a damn modern/responsible/stigma free/respectable system of MHC for Canada (which is not present now). Please, do be kind. And send messages you have saved as drafts, your words can never be right or perfect, but at least you will not have these pains and regret :(
.
posted by infinite intimation at 4:22 AM on September 23, 2015 [6 favorites]
I have a number of drafts of messages that I wrote to him on multiple occasions, but for whatever foolish reason never sent; after an insightful, funny, or considerate comment he had written, after another legal insight (too many to count, he had a brilliant mind for law), after his work sharing and spreading word about the report MMIW in Canada, after so many comments that made his comments stick in my mind well after reading them—intending to share my appreciation for his sharing of his words, ideas and feelings—I never sent them—and it breaks me down to know, and remember that those are to be permanent draft messages.
I just wanted to say that my life felt ripples from the energy and focus of his words. I am so very sorry for the loss that everyone is feeling, in particular those who loved and knew him in the action of their lives. I hope for peace, safety, health—and a damn modern/responsible/stigma free/respectable system of MHC for Canada (which is not present now). Please, do be kind. And send messages you have saved as drafts, your words can never be right or perfect, but at least you will not have these pains and regret :(
.
posted by infinite intimation at 4:22 AM on September 23, 2015 [6 favorites]
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posted by Halloween Jack at 11:14 AM on September 23, 2015
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:14 AM on September 23, 2015
These are all such wonderful stories. I wish to hell I didn't have to read them here.
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posted by St. Hubbins at 11:52 AM on September 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
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posted by St. Hubbins at 11:52 AM on September 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
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posted by klangklangston at 12:14 PM on September 23, 2015
posted by klangklangston at 12:14 PM on September 23, 2015
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posted by Homeboy Trouble at 12:26 PM on September 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 12:26 PM on September 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
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posted by you must supply a verb at 12:36 PM on September 23, 2015
posted by you must supply a verb at 12:36 PM on September 23, 2015
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posted by From Bklyn at 2:45 AM on September 24, 2015
posted by From Bklyn at 2:45 AM on September 24, 2015
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posted by goodnewsfortheinsane (staff) at 6:53 AM on September 24, 2015
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane (staff) at 6:53 AM on September 24, 2015
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posted by snorkmaiden at 2:04 PM on September 24, 2015
posted by snorkmaiden at 2:04 PM on September 24, 2015
I keep thinking about Lemurrhea and feeling badly. I did not know him other than here on mefi, but the comments from his friends really show him to have been such a fine person.
You just never know the burdens somebody else carries, you just don't. Even Lemurrhea's friends didn't know his burden was so heavy. I had a person close to me take his life years ago and I didn't see it coming, had no idea the depth of his pain.
The title of this post is so right. After my friend died, I decided that I was going to go out of my way to say or do at least a few kind things every day. I know that's a little derpy and simplistic, but it was the only sense I could make of things at the time. I thought, "At least this: Don't add to anyone's burden. "
I've sort of forgotten that over the many years but this has reminded me. I think kindness is like any other muscle - you need to exercise it.
This is the part of kindness I struggle mightily with: letting go of petty slights and grievances. Forgiving.
posted by madamjujujive at 7:53 PM on September 24, 2015 [45 favorites]
You just never know the burdens somebody else carries, you just don't. Even Lemurrhea's friends didn't know his burden was so heavy. I had a person close to me take his life years ago and I didn't see it coming, had no idea the depth of his pain.
The title of this post is so right. After my friend died, I decided that I was going to go out of my way to say or do at least a few kind things every day. I know that's a little derpy and simplistic, but it was the only sense I could make of things at the time. I thought, "At least this: Don't add to anyone's burden. "
I've sort of forgotten that over the many years but this has reminded me. I think kindness is like any other muscle - you need to exercise it.
This is the part of kindness I struggle mightily with: letting go of petty slights and grievances. Forgiving.
posted by madamjujujive at 7:53 PM on September 24, 2015 [45 favorites]
.
posted by i feel possessed at 11:17 AM on September 26, 2015
posted by i feel possessed at 11:17 AM on September 26, 2015
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posted by NikitaNikita at 8:50 PM on September 26, 2015
posted by NikitaNikita at 8:50 PM on September 26, 2015
Along with a dozen or fifteen other local mefites, I joined a couple hundred of Aaron's friends and family at the Celebration of Life posted upthread. There were photos on display; six or eight people (including grouse) stood up to offer tributes that were heartfelt, hilarious, or both; a couple of videos* were shown, and at the end -- as a nod to Aaron's time in university as part of the Queen's University's marching band -- a piper in full regalia came to the stage and piped Amazing Grace as we all stood.
Then, the final surprise -- the emcee, Aaron's cousin, asked us to follow the gent at the back waving his hand. He led us outside to where the entire band waited in uniform along with a dozen highland dancers. When we had all filed out, they played two more pieces. Few of us will get as fine a sendoff.
*A video of Aaron and a friend performing a song at a friend's wedding was curiously heartening: it was almost reassuring to find that lemurrhea, who excelled as a lawyer, as a gamer, as a baker and ice-cream maker, as a musician, as a boxer and fencer and long-distance cyclist and a friend, was merely indifferent as a singer. It took me all the time I knew him and a week beyond that to find something he wasn't notably gifted at.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:12 PM on September 28, 2015 [36 favorites]
Then, the final surprise -- the emcee, Aaron's cousin, asked us to follow the gent at the back waving his hand. He led us outside to where the entire band waited in uniform along with a dozen highland dancers. When we had all filed out, they played two more pieces. Few of us will get as fine a sendoff.
*A video of Aaron and a friend performing a song at a friend's wedding was curiously heartening: it was almost reassuring to find that lemurrhea, who excelled as a lawyer, as a gamer, as a baker and ice-cream maker, as a musician, as a boxer and fencer and long-distance cyclist and a friend, was merely indifferent as a singer. It took me all the time I knew him and a week beyond that to find something he wasn't notably gifted at.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:12 PM on September 28, 2015 [36 favorites]
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posted by shiu mai baby at 7:27 PM on September 18, 2015 [2 favorites]