Seeking AskMe clean jokes threads June 22, 2015 9:17 AM Subscribe
I seem to remember a thread where someone was asking for clean jokes to tell their grandma. I found the thread with clean jokes for 9-year-olds, the one with clean jokes for the office party, and the one with dirty jokes for grandma, but nothing with clean jokes for grandma. Does a clean jokes for grandma thread exist, or is my memory conflating it out of the others?
Here's one about buying a clean jokes book for grandma.
posted by SpacemanStix at 9:30 AM on June 22, 2015
posted by SpacemanStix at 9:30 AM on June 22, 2015
Oh, and the reason I'm asking is because the moving company guy who moved us into our new house last weekend (who's awesome; we've used him twice) likes to tell bad jokes to customers and the ones he had were SO AWFUL that I promised him some good ones.
posted by matildaben at 9:43 AM on June 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by matildaben at 9:43 AM on June 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
Here are all the joke thread I have favorited:
What's the one joke you always tell when someone says, "Tell me a joke."
Two women walk into a bar and talk about the Bechdel Test.
I moderate jokes on a Kids Jokes website.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
posted by workerant at 9:54 AM on June 22, 2015 [5 favorites]
What's the one joke you always tell when someone says, "Tell me a joke."
Two women walk into a bar and talk about the Bechdel Test.
I moderate jokes on a Kids Jokes website.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
posted by workerant at 9:54 AM on June 22, 2015 [5 favorites]
What about the Dad Jokes in this thread? (Not to be confused with this thread.)
Groaner ≠ dirty, after all!
posted by wenestvedt at 1:00 PM on June 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
Groaner ≠ dirty, after all!
posted by wenestvedt at 1:00 PM on June 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
That Kids Jokes thread is almost certainly not what you are looking for, but it might be one of my favorite threads ever.
posted by Rock Steady at 1:33 PM on June 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Rock Steady at 1:33 PM on June 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
The tumblr is still going strong, btw:
What Is It Bob
bob:doctor doctor i need a new but.
doctor:what is it bob.
bob:it has a crack in it
doctor:that is normal bob
posted by Rock Steady at 1:35 PM on June 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
What Is It Bob
bob:doctor doctor i need a new but.
doctor:what is it bob.
bob:it has a crack in it
doctor:that is normal bob
posted by Rock Steady at 1:35 PM on June 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
HOW DID THE CHEWING GUM CROSS THE ROAD?
IT WAS
Dang, they sure are starting young with Platonism these days
posted by kagredon at 3:31 PM on June 22, 2015 [3 favorites]
IT WAS
Dang, they sure are starting young with Platonism these days
posted by kagredon at 3:31 PM on June 22, 2015 [3 favorites]
From the tumbler one:
This reminds me of our middle child who wants so badly to be in on our joke telling around the table but doesn't really get it yet. My oldest likes knock-knock jokes, so we tell them all the time, and she's starting to tell good ones, too.
But the middle child, she just makes stuff up that sounds like it might be close.
Her: Knock Knock
Us: Who's There?
Her: Princess.
Us: Princess who?
Her: Princess [pause] ... princess rides her rainbow pony... because her mom said no to desert!
Good one, Ellie.
*Ellie's laughing her head off.*
posted by SpacemanStix at 3:57 PM on June 22, 2015 [12 favorites]
why is 7 afraid of 6So close.
because 6 eat 8
This reminds me of our middle child who wants so badly to be in on our joke telling around the table but doesn't really get it yet. My oldest likes knock-knock jokes, so we tell them all the time, and she's starting to tell good ones, too.
But the middle child, she just makes stuff up that sounds like it might be close.
Her: Knock Knock
Us: Who's There?
Her: Princess.
Us: Princess who?
Her: Princess [pause] ... princess rides her rainbow pony... because her mom said no to desert!
Good one, Ellie.
*Ellie's laughing her head off.*
posted by SpacemanStix at 3:57 PM on June 22, 2015 [12 favorites]
Oh God I love Bad Kids Jokes so hard! This just made me laugh til I felt a bit sick and also I need answers to so many of these. Like, I don't know what is the pirate of cheeses of the mouses? SOMEONE TELL ME!!!
posted by billiebee at 4:58 PM on June 22, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by billiebee at 4:58 PM on June 22, 2015 [4 favorites]
what is funny and has eight legs
a clown
Did this kid just spoil "It"?
posted by darksasami at 5:10 PM on June 22, 2015 [9 favorites]
a clown
Did this kid just spoil "It"?
posted by darksasami at 5:10 PM on June 22, 2015 [9 favorites]
Could it be this question about joke book suggestions? What clean humor book should I get for my fundie grandmother's birthday?
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:23 PM on June 22, 2015
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:23 PM on June 22, 2015
The novice assigned to do the laundry at the convent accidentally put bleach in with the black garments and they came out gray. She tried to fix her mistake using some dye from the fabric store, but it didn't work because old habits dye hard.
posted by humanfont at 6:57 PM on June 22, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by humanfont at 6:57 PM on June 22, 2015 [3 favorites]
Also--check LobsterMittens profile, I feel like she may have compiled a bunch of joke threads on there somewhere.
Yeah, she's got a million of 'em.
posted by MonkeyToes at 7:14 PM on June 22, 2015
Yeah, she's got a million of 'em.
posted by MonkeyToes at 7:14 PM on June 22, 2015
what is funny and has eight legs
a clown
oh jesus
posted by shakespeherian at 7:38 PM on June 22, 2015 [4 favorites]
a clown
oh jesus
posted by shakespeherian at 7:38 PM on June 22, 2015 [4 favorites]
The FP
once there was this guy he farted. the FP (fart police) came and said “your under arrest for farting then the guy said "it wasn`t me it was my daughter” the FP said “nice try girls don`t fart”.
(fart police)
posted by Rock Steady at 7:47 PM on June 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
once there was this guy he farted. the FP (fart police) came and said “your under arrest for farting then the guy said "it wasn`t me it was my daughter” the FP said “nice try girls don`t fart”.
(fart police)
posted by Rock Steady at 7:47 PM on June 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
What is funny and has eight legs?
Bing Bong, Bing BONG!
posted by SpacemanStix at 7:55 PM on June 22, 2015 [3 favorites]
Bing Bong, Bing BONG!
posted by SpacemanStix at 7:55 PM on June 22, 2015 [3 favorites]
What is funny and we all float down here, Henry
posted by shakespeherian at 8:13 PM on June 22, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by shakespeherian at 8:13 PM on June 22, 2015 [5 favorites]
Joke threads are the best! I haven't updated my list in a while (I will after this thread). I don't remember the clean/grandma thread, but it's not impossible there was one.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:14 PM on June 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:14 PM on June 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
I got this joke via Lobstermitten's profile and now the parents at my son's school hate me:
Knock Knock!
– Who's there?
Europe!
– Europe who?
No, you're a poo!
I cannot possibly express my gratitude.
posted by Joe in Australia at 1:31 AM on June 23, 2015 [16 favorites]
Knock Knock!
– Who's there?
Europe!
– Europe who?
No, you're a poo!
I cannot possibly express my gratitude.
posted by Joe in Australia at 1:31 AM on June 23, 2015 [16 favorites]
That's the best knock knock joke I've heard since interrupting cow.
posted by h00py at 4:57 AM on June 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by h00py at 4:57 AM on June 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
Guy is walking down the street in his neighborhood when he sees a sign in someone's yard that reads: TALKING DOG FOR SALE. Next to the sign sits an old labrador.
The man approaches the dog cautiously. Feeling a bit silly, he looks around, then asks the dog, "So ... you can talk?"
"That is correct," says the dog.
The man is stunned, at a loss for words for a moment. "But... How... I mean..."
"I understand your incredulousness," says the dog. "To be honest, it caught me by surprise, too, when I realized my gift as a puppy. A team of scientists studied me, and soon I was handed off to the CIA. I travelled the world, sitting in meetings with arms dealers, world leaders, mujahadeen, you name it, reporting sensitive intelligence to my superiors. After my retirement, I used my talents to make millions in Las Vegas. I have since decided I only want a simple life in which to live out the rest of my days."
The man is utterly flummoxed. He scrambles to the front door of the house and bangs on the door. The owner answers the door.
"You really selling that dog?" the man asks.
"Yeah," says the owner.
"How much you want for him?"
"Ten dollars," she says.
The man can't believe his ears. "For a talking dog? Why you selling him so cheap?"
"Cuz he's a damned liar," she says. "He never did any of that shit."
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 5:48 AM on June 23, 2015 [14 favorites]
The man approaches the dog cautiously. Feeling a bit silly, he looks around, then asks the dog, "So ... you can talk?"
"That is correct," says the dog.
The man is stunned, at a loss for words for a moment. "But... How... I mean..."
"I understand your incredulousness," says the dog. "To be honest, it caught me by surprise, too, when I realized my gift as a puppy. A team of scientists studied me, and soon I was handed off to the CIA. I travelled the world, sitting in meetings with arms dealers, world leaders, mujahadeen, you name it, reporting sensitive intelligence to my superiors. After my retirement, I used my talents to make millions in Las Vegas. I have since decided I only want a simple life in which to live out the rest of my days."
The man is utterly flummoxed. He scrambles to the front door of the house and bangs on the door. The owner answers the door.
"You really selling that dog?" the man asks.
"Yeah," says the owner.
"How much you want for him?"
"Ten dollars," she says.
The man can't believe his ears. "For a talking dog? Why you selling him so cheap?"
"Cuz he's a damned liar," she says. "He never did any of that shit."
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 5:48 AM on June 23, 2015 [14 favorites]
h00py: That's the best knock knock joke I've heard since interrupting cow.
Two summers ago I told Interrupting Cow to the parking lot attendants across the street from Niagara Falls when they asked me if I knew any good jokes -- and they liked it so much that they let me park for free!
posted by wenestvedt at 1:33 PM on June 23, 2015 [3 favorites]
Two summers ago I told Interrupting Cow to the parking lot attendants across the street from Niagara Falls when they asked me if I knew any good jokes -- and they liked it so much that they let me park for free!
posted by wenestvedt at 1:33 PM on June 23, 2015 [3 favorites]
I have two that I didn't see here already:
What's yellow and points North?
A magnetic banana.
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
posted by Lynsey at 5:13 PM on June 23, 2015 [2 favorites]
What's yellow and points North?
A magnetic banana.
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
posted by Lynsey at 5:13 PM on June 23, 2015 [2 favorites]
Newlyweds are honeymooning in Ireland. They're in a pub in Dublin looking at a map, and the man asks the bartender, "What's the best way to get to Galway from here?" The bartender asks, "Are ya walkin' or are ya drivin'?" The man says, "Oh, we're going to drive." The bartender smiles and says, "Aye, that's the best way."
posted by emelenjr at 10:59 PM on June 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by emelenjr at 10:59 PM on June 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
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posted by cortex (staff) at 9:23 AM on June 22, 2015 [3 favorites]