The thread of life. May 21, 2013 9:09 PM Subscribe
I said goodbye to my beautiful, adoring, smart, and sympathetic mom this evening. I'd like to thank Metafilter for helping me through this beautiful/awful/harrowing/redemptive experience.
My mom was hospitalized for a supposedly routine colostomy surgery on May 6. Unfortunately, she developed hospital-acquired pneumonia early on in the recovery process. After watching the situation unfold in a tense and terrible couple of weeks, we decided she would not want to be (potentially permanently) trached, ventilated, and sent into a home for the remainder of her days. As a result, tonight we reunited her with her late beloved twin sister after six lonely years.
I want to call out the amazing denizens of MeFi Chat for allowing me to crash the party, day and night, with a regular stream of updates, venting, worrying, and ordinary pleas for entertainment. The regular crew (you know who you are) never failed to rise to whatever level of support I needed, whether it was lending an empathetic ear or just letting me ride their coattails for a bit while I regained my strength.
I'd also like to cite these two threads for their advice on similar situations, with a special call-out to cat pie hurts, who offered his own empathy and post-thread experiences in private messages.
My brother and I are still coming down from "voom-voom-get-'er-done" mode in terms of handling her care from start to finish, and now begins the healing and grieving process. But I had to take a moment to give my love and thanks to the MeFi community for affording me the emotional strength to return her to her sister with a maximum of love and attention. Love and respect, y'all.
My mom was hospitalized for a supposedly routine colostomy surgery on May 6. Unfortunately, she developed hospital-acquired pneumonia early on in the recovery process. After watching the situation unfold in a tense and terrible couple of weeks, we decided she would not want to be (potentially permanently) trached, ventilated, and sent into a home for the remainder of her days. As a result, tonight we reunited her with her late beloved twin sister after six lonely years.
I want to call out the amazing denizens of MeFi Chat for allowing me to crash the party, day and night, with a regular stream of updates, venting, worrying, and ordinary pleas for entertainment. The regular crew (you know who you are) never failed to rise to whatever level of support I needed, whether it was lending an empathetic ear or just letting me ride their coattails for a bit while I regained my strength.
I'd also like to cite these two threads for their advice on similar situations, with a special call-out to cat pie hurts, who offered his own empathy and post-thread experiences in private messages.
My brother and I are still coming down from "voom-voom-get-'er-done" mode in terms of handling her care from start to finish, and now begins the healing and grieving process. But I had to take a moment to give my love and thanks to the MeFi community for affording me the emotional strength to return her to her sister with a maximum of love and attention. Love and respect, y'all.
So sorry to hear that. Take care of yourself.
posted by benito.strauss at 9:17 PM on May 21, 2013
posted by benito.strauss at 9:17 PM on May 21, 2013
I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to your family and your precious mother. Wishing you strength and peace.
posted by Salamander at 9:19 PM on May 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Salamander at 9:19 PM on May 21, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm sorry for your loss. Hugs to you.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 9:22 PM on May 21, 2013
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 9:22 PM on May 21, 2013
I'm so sorry for your loss. MeFi is really good for this sort of thing, it's true. I'm glad you found it to be helpful.
posted by ocherdraco at 9:41 PM on May 21, 2013
posted by ocherdraco at 9:41 PM on May 21, 2013
I'm sorry for your loss.
posted by loveyallaround at 10:05 PM on May 21, 2013
posted by loveyallaround at 10:05 PM on May 21, 2013
I've seen you talking about this in Chat, about what you and your family have been going through the last couple of weeks, and have been thinking about you all day today. I'm so sorry.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:09 PM on May 21, 2013
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:09 PM on May 21, 2013
Losing a parent is a horrible experience. I hope you and your family are able to find some peace.
posted by Ghidorah at 10:13 PM on May 21, 2013
posted by Ghidorah at 10:13 PM on May 21, 2013
mightygodking said, semi-recently, that moms dying is fucking bullshit. And it is.
I'm so sorry. I wish it was different. I'm just so sorry.
posted by ApathyGirl at 10:34 PM on May 21, 2013
I'm so sorry. I wish it was different. I'm just so sorry.
posted by ApathyGirl at 10:34 PM on May 21, 2013
My deepest condolences to you & your family. Thanks for posting.
posted by goshling at 10:39 PM on May 21, 2013
posted by goshling at 10:39 PM on May 21, 2013
I've loved cat pie hurts for a long time.
My condolences.
posted by jbenben at 10:58 PM on May 21, 2013
My condolences.
posted by jbenben at 10:58 PM on May 21, 2013
Hey mykescipark, it's been good having you in Chat recently, and from what small amount of time I've had to get to know you, I think I can confidently say you're doing right by your mom, and your mom did right by you. I'm sorry about all this, but I also hope that in the future you won't be a stranger.
posted by Mizu at 11:28 PM on May 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Mizu at 11:28 PM on May 21, 2013 [3 favorites]
Maybe it seems corny but I want to thank you for reinforcing the community spirit here by sharing your story. To you perhaps it feels like you're taking something, and must give thanks in return, but heavy personal topics like this do serve to re-assert the community vibe when they bubble to the surface, and serve to re-unite its factions into a singular force of good will, sort of like humans all coming together to fight some greater threat.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
posted by lordaych at 12:16 AM on May 22, 2013 [12 favorites]
I'm so sorry for your loss.
posted by lordaych at 12:16 AM on May 22, 2013 [12 favorites]
My deepest condolences. Be gentle with yourself, now and for a good long time. (Be gentle with yourself always, come to think of it.)
I wish you and your family peace.
posted by scody at 12:18 AM on May 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
I wish you and your family peace.
posted by scody at 12:18 AM on May 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
So very sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 12:47 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by a humble nudibranch at 12:47 AM on May 22, 2013
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's passing, mykescipark.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 1:14 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 1:14 AM on May 22, 2013
I'm so sorry to hear you lost your mother and in such a difficult way. I wish you strength and peace. I don't know if it helps a little, as I never knew her, but to see her beautiful photo today created a little corner of my consciousness where she will now always be. By sharing your story you've helped her touch people she never even knew. I'll keep you all in my thoughts.
.
posted by billiebee at 1:37 AM on May 22, 2013
.
posted by billiebee at 1:37 AM on May 22, 2013
I'm so glad you were able to get some kind of comfort, release, whatever from this community. I'm sure your mother would be very proud of your compassion, thoughtfulness, and courage during this difficult time.
posted by smoke at 1:38 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by smoke at 1:38 AM on May 22, 2013
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear about this. It sounds so sudden and unexpected-- I can't even imagine. Take care of yourself.
posted by threeants at 2:41 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by threeants at 2:41 AM on May 22, 2013
It's a hard thing to deal with; my condolences to you and your family. Take care, and remember her with love.
posted by easily confused at 3:31 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by easily confused at 3:31 AM on May 22, 2013
Oh, sweetie. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. That's a beautiful picture; thanks for sharing it. Just breathe.
posted by drlith at 3:32 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by drlith at 3:32 AM on May 22, 2013
I'm sorry to hear about your sudden loss but glad that you found support and love in mefi.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 3:38 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by Foci for Analysis at 3:38 AM on May 22, 2013
I'm so sorry for your loss. Today is a day when I was missing my father anyway. Losing a parent is the deepest of pits. My heartfelt sympathy.
posted by bardophile at 3:45 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by bardophile at 3:45 AM on May 22, 2013
Sorry for your loss. Thanks for checking in.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:48 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:48 AM on May 22, 2013
I'm so sorry for your loss, mykescipark, and glad that you've been getting support.
posted by running order squabble fest at 3:55 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by running order squabble fest at 3:55 AM on May 22, 2013
.
posted by toerinishuman at 4:08 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by toerinishuman at 4:08 AM on May 22, 2013
I'm so sorry for your loss and sending you hugs from Boston.
posted by kinetic at 4:11 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by kinetic at 4:11 AM on May 22, 2013
I am so sorry for your loss. (Hug.)
posted by MonkeyToes at 4:27 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by MonkeyToes at 4:27 AM on May 22, 2013
My condoleances.
From personal experience, the period after the funeral, once there's nothing more that needs to be arranged and you're having to get back to your regular life that can be when your grief hits you the hardest, as then there's nothing to distract you from your loss anymore. In my case, that was also the time when my energy was the lowest, after all the stress had worn off. So be sure to make some time for yourself to just collapse and recover and not think too much, if you can.
posted by MartinWisse at 5:10 AM on May 22, 2013 [8 favorites]
From personal experience, the period after the funeral, once there's nothing more that needs to be arranged and you're having to get back to your regular life that can be when your grief hits you the hardest, as then there's nothing to distract you from your loss anymore. In my case, that was also the time when my energy was the lowest, after all the stress had worn off. So be sure to make some time for yourself to just collapse and recover and not think too much, if you can.
posted by MartinWisse at 5:10 AM on May 22, 2013 [8 favorites]
I'm so sorry to hear this. I know what it's like to lose your mom. It sucks.
posted by rtha at 5:35 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by rtha at 5:35 AM on May 22, 2013
Mykes, so sorry to hear. I'll be thinking about you - *hug*
posted by ChuraChura at 5:58 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by ChuraChura at 5:58 AM on May 22, 2013
Sorry for your loss.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:04 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by cjorgensen at 6:04 AM on May 22, 2013
A little over a month ago, my brothers and I had to make the same decision about our father (the heart & soul of our family). We knew he wouldn't want to add a trach to his years of increasingly serious medical issues, but would he choose death, instead? It was insanely difficult, but we came to the same conclusion that your family did.
I obviously don't blame my father for not having made his wishes completely clear on this sort of thing, but I'd like to encourage anyone who just hasn't gotten around to it, to make their wishes known. That way someone who loves you (so so much) won't have to intuit what your choice would be.
I am sorry for your loss and I wish us both some peace.
posted by eunoia at 6:16 AM on May 22, 2013
I obviously don't blame my father for not having made his wishes completely clear on this sort of thing, but I'd like to encourage anyone who just hasn't gotten around to it, to make their wishes known. That way someone who loves you (so so much) won't have to intuit what your choice would be.
I am sorry for your loss and I wish us both some peace.
posted by eunoia at 6:16 AM on May 22, 2013
I am so sorry for your loss.
posted by Defying Gravity at 6:17 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by Defying Gravity at 6:17 AM on May 22, 2013
I'm sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself, and don't be afraid to reach out if you need someone to talk to.
posted by gauche at 6:17 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by gauche at 6:17 AM on May 22, 2013
I'm so sorry for your loss.
posted by kimberussell at 6:23 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by kimberussell at 6:23 AM on May 22, 2013
In my case, that was also the time when my energy was the lowest, after all the stress had worn off.
Likewise, once the casseroles and cards stop coming and you just want to go to bed for a month. I am so sorry to hear about this, it must have been a stressful and upsetting time and I'm glad the community could give you some support and advice. I got some additional grieving/memorial service advice in this thread which was helpful to me. And yes, cat pie hurts is a great guy. Take care and check in if we can help further.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:57 AM on May 22, 2013 [3 favorites]
Likewise, once the casseroles and cards stop coming and you just want to go to bed for a month. I am so sorry to hear about this, it must have been a stressful and upsetting time and I'm glad the community could give you some support and advice. I got some additional grieving/memorial service advice in this thread which was helpful to me. And yes, cat pie hurts is a great guy. Take care and check in if we can help further.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:57 AM on May 22, 2013 [3 favorites]
I am so sorry for your loss.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 7:16 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 7:16 AM on May 22, 2013
So sorry. We'll keep the light on for you in chat.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:36 AM on May 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:36 AM on May 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
. for your mum, my condolences to you and your family.
(And that's a great photo.)
posted by marienbad at 7:48 AM on May 22, 2013
(And that's a great photo.)
posted by marienbad at 7:48 AM on May 22, 2013
I'm so very sorry for your loss, but glad the community here could help.
posted by blurker at 8:02 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by blurker at 8:02 AM on May 22, 2013
Sending positive mind atoms your way.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:03 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:03 AM on May 22, 2013
sorry for your loss and glad the community could/can help
posted by clavdivs at 8:06 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by clavdivs at 8:06 AM on May 22, 2013
.
posted by cooker girl at 8:35 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by cooker girl at 8:35 AM on May 22, 2013
I'm sorry for your loss. She brought a good person into this world.
posted by double block and bleed at 8:39 AM on May 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by double block and bleed at 8:39 AM on May 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
So very sorry for your loss. Much love to you and your family.
posted by sonika at 9:13 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by sonika at 9:13 AM on May 22, 2013
My thoughts are with you at this sorrowful time. So sorry for your loss.
posted by Lynsey at 9:53 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by Lynsey at 9:53 AM on May 22, 2013
I'm so sorry for your loss.
posted by sarcasticah at 10:01 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by sarcasticah at 10:01 AM on May 22, 2013
I'm so sorry for your loss.
posted by needlegrrl at 11:40 AM on May 22, 2013
posted by needlegrrl at 11:40 AM on May 22, 2013
I'm so sorry. Heartfelt condolences.
posted by en forme de poire at 12:57 PM on May 22, 2013
posted by en forme de poire at 12:57 PM on May 22, 2013
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss and for what you have endured recently. As the mother of a son, I hope my child, when faced with adversity, has the grace and presence of mind you have displayed. You are a credit to your wonderful mother.
posted by houseofdanie at 1:12 PM on May 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by houseofdanie at 1:12 PM on May 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm so sorry - that picture shows such a warm smile. Take care of yourself. I know how hard it is to lose one's mom.
posted by leslies at 1:50 PM on May 22, 2013
posted by leslies at 1:50 PM on May 22, 2013
I'm sorry for your loss, but glad that you got needed support in chat.
posted by theora55 at 3:12 PM on May 22, 2013
posted by theora55 at 3:12 PM on May 22, 2013
I am sorry for your loss. I just attended a "grief class" at the local hospice. An 8 week, 90 min get together. This has helped me a lot. The hand outs showed that I am reacting totally normal and certainly am not going crazy. Maybe something to keep in mind.
posted by nostrada at 4:49 PM on May 22, 2013
posted by nostrada at 4:49 PM on May 22, 2013
I am so sorry to only now hear about your heartache and now your loss and my heart goes out to you, truly. And I, too, am glad that you received support from those here who knew and helped. To them all goes my deepest respect and thanks for caring so much.
posted by y2karl at 5:40 PM on May 22, 2013
posted by y2karl at 5:40 PM on May 22, 2013
I am so very sorry. Losing a beloved mother is… I can't find the words.
Peace and strength to you and everybody who loved her.
posted by Lexica at 5:49 PM on May 22, 2013
Peace and strength to you and everybody who loved her.
posted by Lexica at 5:49 PM on May 22, 2013
So sorry for your loss. Much love to you and your family.
posted by arcticseal at 6:18 PM on May 22, 2013
posted by arcticseal at 6:18 PM on May 22, 2013
I'm so sorry. I suck at what to say at these times, but I'm thinking of you and hope you are very well cared for.
posted by xarnop at 6:39 PM on May 22, 2013
posted by xarnop at 6:39 PM on May 22, 2013
I'm very sorry, but glad you were able to find support and kindnes here.
posted by Songdog at 7:17 PM on May 22, 2013
posted by Songdog at 7:17 PM on May 22, 2013
My deepest condolences for your loss, mykescipark
posted by estherbester at 12:15 AM on May 23, 2013
posted by estherbester at 12:15 AM on May 23, 2013
Very sorry for your loss, and glad you were able to find comfort and support when you needed it.
posted by bizzyb at 6:31 AM on May 23, 2013
posted by bizzyb at 6:31 AM on May 23, 2013
Ditto to all the rest. Good luck to you. Feel better.
posted by icantstandcabbage at 11:23 PM on June 1, 2013
posted by icantstandcabbage at 11:23 PM on June 1, 2013
You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments
posted by flapjax at midnite at 9:13 PM on May 21, 2013