Meta love is the best love of all

February 6, 2012 8:29 AM

I think it's high time for some meta-love. Post your online dating profiles!

There's been chatter in the past about a MeFi dating site, but let's be honest- with the demographic that posts here, there already IS a MeFi dating site and it's called OKCupid. So what are we waiting for? Let's share our profiles!

In the aftermath of that 'I Knew It Was Over When' thread, I think we could all use a chance at a fresh start. Let's make some terrible, regrettable memories of our own!

posted by showbiz_liz to MetaFilter-Related at 8:29 AM (533 comments total)

And to get the ball rolling, this is mine.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:30 AM on February 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

This girl's fetish seems appropriate for Metafilter.
posted by gman at 8:35 AM on February 6, 2012 [9 favorites]

Apparently this is in the Social Explorer, but I had no idea.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:38 AM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Why not. My dating profile is carbon dating, from the left.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:41 AM on February 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

I would share my dating profile, but I don't think my wife would approve.
posted by DU at 9:01 AM on February 6, 2012 [7 favorites]

I've got an OKC profile, but I'm just there for the quizzes and stuff so maybe that doesn't count.

Also, the "I Knew It Was over When" thread has been hilarious.
posted by rmd1023 at 9:01 AM on February 6, 2012

Also, the "I Knew It Was over When" thread has been hilarious.

Help a brother out with a link?
posted by dismas at 9:03 AM on February 6, 2012

link.

hey! we have instructables and pinboard on the social linker thingie too! cool!
posted by rmd1023 at 9:04 AM on February 6, 2012

http://www.metafilter.com/112392/He-cried-during-the-last-Lord-of-the-Rings-movie
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:05 AM on February 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

"Single, sincere white female, 43, wishes to meet single, sincere, limber Eskimo who's into tattoos, bananas, gargling Windex, Barry Manilow inflatable dolls, cactus, sleeping with large tomatoes, and snake wrestling in Jell-o pudding. No freaks."
posted by bondcliff at 9:05 AM on February 6, 2012 [22 favorites]

And to get the ball rolling, this is mine.

That looks good enough for me. I'll pop over later. I have cake.
posted by panboi at 9:07 AM on February 6, 2012

I'm married. Sorry everyone.
posted by jonmc at 9:09 AM on February 6, 2012 [8 favorites]

This sketch may be appropriate.
posted by winna at 9:10 AM on February 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

My favorite thing about OKCupid right now is all the people who, when answering the question "In the context of 'Wherefore art thou, Romeo?' what does 'wherefore' mean?" answer "Where" (which doesn't bother me so much) and mark "Why" as an unacceptable answer (which does).

The best example of this I've ever seen was one person who got it wrong (they answered "Where"), marked "Why" unacceptable, and said that this one was important to them because they're a really big Shakespeare fan and they'd like it if their partner also was.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 9:15 AM on February 6, 2012 [43 favorites]

The sketch where you post a video link and it takes me to a weird blank mobile page and then a bunch of ladies laugh at me behind my back? THAT SKETCH IS MY LIFE
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:15 AM on February 6, 2012

Wherefore art thou cross though?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:17 AM on February 6, 2012 [7 favorites]

Fixed sketch link.


No, I don't know why Youtube can't make mobile links that work on desktop computers. You'd think they didn't have bazillions of dollars behind them.
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 9:17 AM on February 6, 2012

I shut mine down a long time ago.
posted by The White Hat at 9:19 AM on February 6, 2012

The voyeurs among us will be disappointed at the number of locked down members only profiles.
posted by Meatbomb at 9:20 AM on February 6, 2012

I still have a profile up on OKCupid. wordyandfun

If things continue well with this fellow I'll shut it down. In the meantime, I marvel that I got an email from OKCupid that I am (I had to go find the email from OKCupid, not some random member there, because it still boggles my mind and I want to quote it correctly) We just detected that you're now among the most attractive people on OkCupid.

If there's a call for it, I'll post the rest of that email. Because, seriously. Look at my huge dorky grins and my bitchy insisting that you should contact me if you want to do something that isn't coffee.
posted by bilabial at 9:26 AM on February 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

Darn, I just disabled mine a couple of days ago because I met someone through OKCupid. It was a good profile too. You'da liked it. ^_^
posted by patheral at 9:27 AM on February 6, 2012

No, I don't know why Youtube can't make mobile links that work on desktop computers. You'd think they didn't have bazillions of dollars behind them.

Oh good heavens! Thank you for the assist, NonSteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug!
posted by winna at 9:28 AM on February 6, 2012

If there's a call for it, I'll post the rest of that email.

There was a long thread about this. OKCupid has no way of knowing how attractive its users are.
posted by John Cohen at 9:30 AM on February 6, 2012

From that thread I thought it was an obvious ploy to get the recipient to log back on.

My reaction was along the lines of the above quote. I thought I was being clear that I didn't buy it. I'm ok looking, but by no means super hot. Also, not particularly interesting. But the email they sent is really funny.
posted by bilabial at 9:34 AM on February 6, 2012

Anybody who wants to date me knows where to find my profile!
posted by By The Grace of God at 9:35 AM on February 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

There's only so much of me to go around, ladies.
posted by middleclasstool at 9:54 AM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

OKC is how I met my wife!
posted by Chrysostom at 10:02 AM on February 6, 2012

Eh, why not.

I have vague plans to make the profile text more appropriate to the profile name, by making the whole thing a single long sentence incorporating the section headings into it as it goes, possibly making it lipogrammatic by section—but, to be honest, I'm not sure how well that would work. (I did something like that on craigslist once which almost came through for me.)
posted by kenko at 10:07 AM on February 6, 2012

Might as well, here is mine
posted by Blasdelb at 10:16 AM on February 6, 2012

I'd share it, but my profile sucks and I haven't updated it in years.

If any fine ladies want me to bore them in person instead of on metafilter, feel free to memail me, tho.
posted by empath at 10:21 AM on February 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

I posted mine here almost 10 years ago. It worked.
posted by MrMoonPie at 10:25 AM on February 6, 2012

And mine.

My favorite thing about OKCupid right now is all the people who, when answering the question 'In the context of 'Wherefore art thou, Romeo?' what does 'wherefore' mean?" answer "Where" (which doesn't bother me so much) and mark "Why" as an unacceptable answer (which does).

Yeah, that kind of thing is funny. As I explain in my answer to that question, though, this is quite obscure for most people and I don't hold it against anyone for not knowing it. Whether the Sun or the Earth is bigger? Yeah. Wherefore...not as much.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:25 AM on February 6, 2012

No, no, no, the proper way to solicit dates from metafilter people is to post an AskMe about how to make your OKCupid profile better.

Plusses - use FPPs to flirt!
Minuses - "how do I dump/get over being dumped by x" questions have to be anonymous.

(Sorry, ladies! I'm mostly taken now.)
posted by modernserf at 10:27 AM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

"Single, sincere white female, 43, wishes to meet single, sincere, limber Eskimo who's into tattoos, bananas, gargling Windex, Barry Manilow inflatable dolls, cactus, sleeping with large tomatoes, and snake wrestling in Jell-o pudding. No freaks."

Must like Peter Paul and Mary and Hüsker Dü.
posted by mykescipark at 10:30 AM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

The best ever LRB-style ad I've seen (not actually in the LRB, and purely notional): "Persifleur seeks flâneuse for badinage, repartee. No Irish need apply."
posted by kenko at 10:32 AM on February 6, 2012 [10 favorites]

Holy cow, I have an OKCupid profile! It must be from the livejournal quizzes I used to so way back when. There's er, nothing on it, though. It must have been years since I was last logged in.
posted by Karmakaze at 10:39 AM on February 6, 2012

OKC is how I met my wife!

Likewise! She still insists she only had an account for the quizzes.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:39 AM on February 6, 2012

As I explain in my answer to that question, though, this is quite obscure for most people and I don't hold it against anyone for not knowing it.

It's totally the kind of thing ignorance of which is understandable, but at the same time, it's … really neat! "Wherefore"—the interrogative version of "therefore"/"herefore"! The world would be a better, or more enjoyable by me, place if these constructions were more often used. PROTIP: if you use the word "thitherto" in casual conversation without having it come off labored, I'm yours.
posted by kenko at 10:40 AM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm already shacked up with a MeFite, but that's not gonna stop me from ogling all of your hot profiles. Yow!
posted by carsonb at 10:41 AM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Did she get you right?
posted by darksasami at 10:41 AM on February 6, 2012

There's no way posting my profile could make my dating luck any worse, so...
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 10:45 AM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

OKC is how I met my wife!

Likewise! She still insists she only had an account for the quizzes.

I. Uh. Never mind.
posted by griphus at 10:49 AM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

People marking "why" as unacceptable in that "what does 'wherefore' mean?" OKCupid question bugs me a bit, too. I added an explanation to say why she'd be asking why he's Romeo. Anyone I'd get along with would probably be excited to find out something new like that.
posted by needs more cowbell at 10:52 AM on February 6, 2012

It seems fair to offer mine since I'm looking at other people's profiles out of curiosity. It hasn't been updated in over a year. The pic is dated. I'd maybe do some of the favourites/lists differently (but not by much). Not really looking, although friends are always nice finds.
posted by batmonkey at 10:55 AM on February 6, 2012

Oh shit, you have to not have deleted your OKC profile to view these? Gah.

Think she'll buy the fact I'm signing up again just for the quizzes?
posted by carsonb at 10:55 AM on February 6, 2012

You're wonderful and I totally love you, as a friend.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:58 AM on February 6, 2012

I plan to live and die in lonely squalor, but thanks for the kind offer.
posted by Abiezer at 10:59 AM on February 6, 2012 [11 favorites]

I should probably sign up for OKCupid one of these days, huh?
posted by pemberkins at 11:02 AM on February 6, 2012

We just detected that you're now among the most attractive people on OkCupid.

I like how the phrasing implies that you were not one of the most attractive people previously, but circumstances have changed. Except it clarify whether they think you're doing a good job taking care of yourself or that a bunch of hot people paired off recently and dropped the standards for everyone.
posted by griphus at 11:04 AM on February 6, 2012 [4 favorites]

Or they are keeping tabs on you...somehow...and noticed you cleaned up your act a little.
posted by DU at 11:08 AM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'd like to think it means they finally got their calibration correct.
posted by carsonb at 11:09 AM on February 6, 2012

My OKC profile matches have been going straight to spam since I moved out of the relevant continent.

Are there any such places for the peripatetic?
posted by infini at 11:09 AM on February 6, 2012

I have a profile. Bring it on!
posted by chrchr at 11:12 AM on February 6, 2012

Even though I'm married, I have an OKC profile purely for the purpose of meeting people locally (SW PA). I guess you could say I'm there to make friends.
posted by jocelmeow at 11:23 AM on February 6, 2012

My profile results in a) being ignored, b) being contacted by wildly incomparable people, or c) meeting insane people. I will not post it, since I don't want to know which group Metafilter falls into.....
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:32 AM on February 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

There was a truncation error. That message is supposed to read, "We just detected that you're now among the most attractive people on OkCupid. Please leave their vicinity immediately, before they notice."
posted by Wolfdog at 11:35 AM on February 6, 2012 [18 favorites]

"My favorite thing about OKCupid right now is all the people who, when answering the question "In the context of 'Wherefore art thou, Romeo?' what does 'wherefore' mean?" answer "Where" (which doesn't bother me so much) and mark "Why" as an unacceptable answer (which does).

The best example of this I've ever seen was one person who got it wrong (they answered "Where"), marked "Why" unacceptable, and said that this one was important to them because they're a really big Shakespeare fan and they'd like it if their partner also was."

I created that question for OKCupid wayyyy back in the day! Really, my only source of fame.
posted by Laura Macbeth at 11:38 AM on February 6, 2012 [21 favorites]

Huh. I guess it's not much of a surprise that I match/friend at 85% or higher with virtually all other mefites who've posted their profiles so far. 3/4 of them at 92% or higher.

Stupid unavailable single people who live far away and/or also not available for friends.

Do y'all ever just do a nationwide search for match only and then look at the 99% people and find that about half of them seem like the most amazing people and your perfect match and you get all excited and then later find that it's just really mostly depressing?

Or is that only me who does that?
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 11:38 AM on February 6, 2012 [4 favorites]

Hey Mods, let's add an OKCupid social widget to the profile page, eh?
posted by troll at 11:39 AM on February 6, 2012 [4 favorites]

Or is that only me who does that?

I've done that, more so now that I live where I do. Now.
posted by kenko at 11:40 AM on February 6, 2012

Troll—see the third comment in this thread.
posted by kenko at 11:40 AM on February 6, 2012

My brother met his wife through OKC.

I've used it a couple of times over the years to various degrees of success. This post makes me want to sign up again.
posted by defenestration at 11:42 AM on February 6, 2012

Or is that only me who does that?

That why I gave up all this dating shating online website stuff (plus I shouldn't have hit preview ;p)
posted by infini at 11:45 AM on February 6, 2012

Do y'all ever just do a nationwide search for match
I did! On a whim. From Orlando, FL found a great guy in Chicagoland (where I now live, going on 3 years).
(Of course you have to be willing/able to move. Which I was.)
posted by Glinn at 11:55 AM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Troll—see the third comment in this thread.

Heh, cool, shows me that I should click through the links before I comment... maybe it should be listed in the FAQ.
posted by troll at 11:56 AM on February 6, 2012

I am dating a mefite. Our going out was assisted, in part, by okcupid. I approve of this post.

Have fun, you crazy kids, you.
posted by phunniemee at 12:04 PM on February 6, 2012 [4 favorites]

jonmc: “I'm married. Sorry everyone.”

Maybe I'll forgive you, jon. Maybe someday.
posted by koeselitz at 12:06 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm married. Sorry everyone.

Being married to Blatcher doesn't count, he's got a spouse in every port.
posted by strangely stunted trees at 12:14 PM on February 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

Okay, fine, here's me.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:17 PM on February 6, 2012

HELLO LADIES. And gentlemen, and/or attractive humanoid aliens. Please form an orderly line, no pushing. You may, of course, skip to the head of the line if you are 1) Iron Man or 2) a 1,000 viking vampire. Special consideration will also be shown to those who bring me tacos.


No freaks.

MUST BE ABLE TO GRIMACE MUSICALLY
posted by elizardbits at 12:18 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Being married to Blatcher doesn't count, he's got a spouse in every port.

And a port in every spouse!

Thank you folks I'm here all work day, please tip your mods.
posted by griphus at 12:21 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I met a girl off okc. I knew it was over last week when I came out of the shower and found her on the couch, talking to her multiple personalities - "This guy, yeah, he knows what he's talking about! Wait, who the hell is this? ... What the hell are you on about? Idiot!"

But I knew it was back on when I looked over her shoulder and realized she'd opened my laptop and started reading metafilter. Only a matter of time til she ponies up the 5$.
posted by mannequito at 12:28 PM on February 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

I just thought I would make an new account, for the hell of it. I typed in for my city "Scunthorpe", and it said "Ahh, Scunthorpe". Does it always do that, or is it taking the piss out of me?
posted by Jehan at 12:30 PM on February 6, 2012 [4 favorites]

It always does that.
posted by kenko at 12:32 PM on February 6, 2012

Here's mine.
posted by sweetkid at 12:33 PM on February 6, 2012

Against my better judgement...
posted by cmoj at 12:38 PM on February 6, 2012

"It always does that."

Shh. It's more fun for Jehan to think otherwise.

I'm tempted to create a new profile and enter as my city the small town I grew up in. Because I'm reasonably certain no one, ever in the history of the universe, has said or written "Ahh, Portales". Ever. Nor should they.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 12:40 PM on February 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

Ahh, Scunthorpe. Home of the Fightin' Scunthorpians! Wait - you aren't from Lower Scunthorpe, are you? Did you go to Scunthorpe High? What year? Did you have Old Man Scunthorpe for English? What am I on about, of course you did. All the teachers at Scunthorpe High were named Old Man Scunthorpe.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:53 PM on February 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

The best part about Scunthorpe is Scunthorpe United. OLD IRON! OLD IIIIIRON! I picked them as my humorous international soccer team, but they are not all that good lately. But they have fierce intra-league rivalries which I can vicariously enjoy on youtube. Apparently our entire pitch is as small as some people's away benches, which is a very sad thing indeed.
posted by winna at 1:05 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Apparently this is in the Social Explorer, but I had no idea.

I used to wonder why there's no FetLife in the "also a member at" choices, but I guess it's not the sort of place most would openly declare membership in. And there's always the option to just put a link in your Mefi profile information by hand anyway.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:06 PM on February 6, 2012

The best part about Scunthorpe is

...the effect that mentioning it has on poorly-written net-nannies.
posted by George_Spiggott at 1:24 PM on February 6, 2012 [5 favorites]

Am I going to regret this?
posted by b33j at 1:31 PM on February 6, 2012

Oh, what the hell.
posted by lordrunningclam at 1:34 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

...the effect that mentioning it has on poorly-written net-nannies.

"...Knott Bolstrood, [had] been ennobled, for protocol reasons, when the King had named him Secretary of State—the King had chosen to make him Count Penistone because that way, Bolstrood the ultra-Puritan could not sign his name without writing the word 'penis.'" (Quicksilver, Neal Stephenson.)
posted by griphus at 1:36 PM on February 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

The best part about Scunthorpe is

...the effect that mentioning it has on poorly-written net-nannies.

As we used to say, "who put the cunt in Scunthorpe?"



Huh. I guess it's not much of a surprise that I match/friend at 85% or higher with virtually all other mefites who've posted their profiles so far. 3/4 of them at 92% or higher.

Stupid unavailable single people who live far away and/or also not available for friends.

Do y'all ever just do a nationwide search for match only and then look at the 99% people and find that about half of them seem like the most amazing people and your perfect match and you get all excited and then later find that it's just really mostly depressing?

Or is that only me who does that?
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 7:38 PM on February 6 [+] [!]

I answered 50 questions then checked everybody's profile given in this thread. Oh jeez Ivan, me and you!
posted by Jehan at 1:39 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I had to adjust my own settings just to be able to snoop on most of you.

(it was worth it)
posted by hermitosis at 1:40 PM on February 6, 2012 [4 favorites]

Mine's in my profile. I find it amusing. Also, this is the first time I've been "single" instead of "available" in my OKC profile on my birthday for a few years. When you have "available" or "seeing someone" or whatever, they send you an email saying, "hey, this is when we'd normally send you on a sexy fling, but we see you're taken, so happy birthday yo".

When you're single? "Still single on your birthday? Come check out your matches!" Fuck you, OKC, where's my sexy fling vacation? Goddamn scammers, why I oughta.

The best part about Scunthorpe is Scunthorpe United.

One of my closest friends is from Scunny and was very excited two years ago when they made it to the Championship. Then she was less excited when they dropped down immediately. Oh well.
posted by Errant at 1:42 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Well, now this is happening...
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:43 PM on February 6, 2012

Don't take it personally, herrdoktor. When the Knights Who Say Nickel are voting, shrubbery wins out every time.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:05 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I used to wonder why there's no FetLife in the "also a member at" choices

It's the no public profile bit that is the problem there. We'd be happy to add it. This is mine. I haven't looked at it a while, but hey!
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:05 PM on February 6, 2012

I have a 94% match with a mefite who lives on the opposite side of the world. sigh...
posted by b33j at 2:08 PM on February 6, 2012

jessamyn: This is mine. I haven't looked at it a while, but hey!

Since I'm not logged in, I figured it would also be not_on_display.
posted by gman at 2:16 PM on February 6, 2012 [4 favorites]

Assuming the very recent flood of new viewers I have is predominantly MeFites, it's pretty interesting that almost off of the match percentages are either very high or very low. One is 95%, which is the highest I've seen.

Not too surprising I guess.
posted by cmoj at 2:16 PM on February 6, 2012

Also a 93% match with another straight woman. I wonder what this means...
posted by b33j at 2:27 PM on February 6, 2012

All right.
posted by thivaia at 2:41 PM on February 6, 2012

I have vague plans to make the profile text more appropriate to the profile name, by making the whole thing a single long sentence incorporating the section headings into it as it goes, possibly making it lipogrammatic by section—but, to be honest, I'm not sure how well that would work.

Nah, you've gotta do the entire thing as a shaggy dog story.
posted by asterix at 2:46 PM on February 6, 2012

Nah, you've gotta do the entire thing as a shaggy dog story.

I wouldn't know how to pull off the disappointing climax if I tried.
posted by kenko at 2:48 PM on February 6, 2012

What the heck: here's mine.
posted by kittenmarlowe at 2:50 PM on February 6, 2012

I would. But the wife might object.
posted by Splunge at 3:18 PM on February 6, 2012

Well, it's not like mine would be hard to find if anyone went looking for me. I've never gotten around to uploading a photo though...I signed up (long ago) because of all the random quizzes, I wanted to take the Post-Apocalyptic Survival Test. Apparently badly enough that I was willing to sign up for Yet Another Website. (Fallout 3 probably had something to do with it.) I remember all this only because for some reason, instead of bookmarking my profile, or the home page, or something sensible like that, I bookmarked my test results for that quiz, instead. Every time I go to OKC, ever since, the first thing I'm greeted with is "You are a Drifter!" and a grainy black and white picture of some filthy rag-clad guy with a sword, which if I were to actually start using the site for dating would maybe not be the best way to get myself in the right frame of mind. I really ought to fix that bookmark.
posted by mstokes650 at 3:26 PM on February 6, 2012

theora55 OKCupid thinks I'm traditional because I don't want to answer the sex questions. Lots of the questions don't lend themselves to simple answers, and I don't care to disclose my personal life to any site that will have me as a member. Any really cute woman who wants to loan me a profile pic?
posted by theora55 at 3:56 PM on February 6, 2012

Shit! I want to look at these, but apparently I deleted or they purged the account I had a few years ago. Grr!
posted by kavasa at 4:00 PM on February 6, 2012

I see no way in which this could possibly turn out badly. So here you go.
posted by asterix at 4:01 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I don't have any online dating profiles, but I'm single and would love to date a MeFite!
posted by iamkimiam at 4:05 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Okay, I'd been meaning to put up a new profile for ages but hemming and hawing over it. So thanks, mefi I guess, for the push and here I am. I'm blaming each and every single one of you if this turns out to be a complete disaster.
posted by mygothlaundry at 4:14 PM on February 6, 2012

Oh yeah, and for extra MeFi meta-ness, my profile pic was taken at a meetup!
posted by asterix at 4:17 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I consider the ability to independently locate my OKC profile after learning a little bit about me a mark in favor of a potential suitor. (I use the same username everywhere. It's rhiannonstones all the way down.)
posted by rhiannonstone at 4:31 PM on February 6, 2012

This got me to reactivate my profile, despite being permanently pair-bonded, just so I could see how compatible I am with mefites. Conclusion: I need to get myself to a Brooklyn meet-up to be friends with some awesome ladies like yesterday.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 4:33 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I forgot, so here's a link to mine. Only match statistics at the moment, but I'll try to add more at some point between now and forever.
posted by Jehan at 4:48 PM on February 6, 2012

I'm so busy right now that I'm probably not going to be using it much until summer (thus the disclaimer currently at the top of the profile) but here's mine.
posted by vegartanipla at 5:43 PM on February 6, 2012

Oh man! You guys are all so cute, but you need better pictures, ASAP!

I straight up DELETED my OKCupid account when I paired up permanently, but um, if you want to check me out on Facebook, you can! You can friend me, too, just drop me a line with your username so I know who you are! :)
posted by two lights above the sea at 5:50 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Taking the plunge.

posted by rosswald at 5:51 PM on February 6, 2012

Do y'all ever just do a nationwide search...

Yep, but I'm thinking of trying another service as I've heard OKC skews young. There are some seemingly amazing matches in my age range on OKC, but I'd have to move 8000 miles. It's possible the middle aged ladies in SJé are all on match or something.
posted by morganw at 6:22 PM on February 6, 2012

Oh, and I met my husband on OKCupid, too! Good luck, everyone!
posted by two lights above the sea at 6:30 PM on February 6, 2012

As usual, MeFites awe me with their savoir-faire, easy hilarity, and intelligence ... and adorableness, of course.

Really need to re-write my profile. Seriously. Or less seriously. But...yeah. Went ahead and updated what I'm doing for a living, but that's it.

All the bi peeps with pics showing their faces have very similar lips. Or maybe I'm fooling myself...? It seems true!
posted by batmonkey at 6:32 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I, too, am on OKCupid.
posted by StrikeTheViol at 6:37 PM on February 6, 2012

I don't have anything like an OKCupid profile, but: way back in the dark ages, when I was just a sweet young thing in my twenties, there was this sleezy dude I had to see weekly at work (think of the hillbillies from the movie "Deliverence") who kept asking me out and asking me out and asking me out..... Finally, after I'd turned him down yet again, he came up with what he apparently considered the perfect date: "if you'll spend the weekend with me in a puptent, I'll teach you to gut a deer!" (No kidding, this really was his idea of an acceptable first date.....) Only thing I could think of saying to him was "I'd rather spend the weekend in the puptent with the deer and gut you!"

On the bright side, he apparently got took the hint and never asked me out again.
posted by easily confused at 6:45 PM on February 6, 2012 [6 favorites]

I'm a bit hesitant to share it (since this will be picked up by the google although I don't use this handle anywhere else). so, a good compromise is that I have a link to my okc profile in my metafilter profile.
posted by fizzix at 7:04 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh, why not?
posted by smirkette at 7:13 PM on February 6, 2012

Ha. Oh, what a world.
posted by millipede at 7:26 PM on February 6, 2012

What does enemy mean? I have a profile from years ago for quizzes, so I can see the profiles in here but I don't understand "match/friend/enemy". "Match" I get, but friend and enemy?
posted by Danila at 7:28 PM on February 6, 2012

I pretty much ignore my profile, but I have been thinking that I should jump back in. Here goes nothing!
posted by Duffington at 7:29 PM on February 6, 2012

What does enemy mean?

"This is the chance that you will hate this user's guts." At least that's what I've always taken it to mean.
posted by asterix at 7:33 PM on February 6, 2012

It's been ages since I looked at this, but here you go.
posted by Melismata at 7:43 PM on February 6, 2012

Well this MeTa got me to sign up again. This is me.
posted by defenestration at 7:49 PM on February 6, 2012

I'm pretty sure "enemy" is related to the DO NOT WANT markers on the multiple choice questions and stuff. Not totally sure, though.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 8:06 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ah okay. I seem to have a lot of enemies here and I figured it couldn't quite mean I'd dislike the person because I know I don't from my interactions here. If it's based on the questions then it just means incompatible then, which, yeah that's true.

The sun is bigger, right?
posted by Danila at 8:24 PM on February 6, 2012

Thanks, everyone, for visiting my profile. You guys are cute!
posted by chrchr at 8:41 PM on February 6, 2012

It's been several hours and many visits and none of you have messaged me! *sob*
posted by asterix at 8:47 PM on February 6, 2012

Get off my lawn.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:53 PM on February 6, 2012

Mefi is what led me there in the first place...
posted by Dixon Ticonderoga at 8:59 PM on February 6, 2012

On the plus side, for those looking for OKC attention, I'm pretty sure that by all of us gawking at each other en mass we are fooling OKCupid into thinking we're all really popular and worth displaying in quivers, match results and the like.
posted by Blasdelb at 9:02 PM on February 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

Here's mine. Mind the cobwebs!
posted by h00py at 9:28 PM on February 6, 2012

I started one just so I could gawk at y'all. Yes, I am that fucking nosy. Sorry ladies but I am very taken! :)
posted by Meatbomb at 9:37 PM on February 6, 2012

I used to give excellent advice on dating.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/gentlemantycoon
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 9:51 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Anyway, if you want to be a dude and get messages, you can just wholesale copy my profile. Shrug.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 9:51 PM on February 6, 2012

There should be a way to get the "Also On:" line to appear in one's Metafilter profile even if one has no friends, romantic prospects, hobbies, or anything like that.

As things stand, if you look at my profile, it looks like I just don't know about the "Also On:" line. But I do! And I'm also on nothing else, and I want to make that point affirmatively!

Give me my "Also On:" line!
posted by planet at 10:02 PM on February 6, 2012

I just want to say that you are all clearly very intelligent and adorable.
posted by arcticseal at 10:05 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

No OkCupid account but I just updated my Mefi profile from disgruntled rabbit to artsy headless photo. And added some words. Baby steps.
posted by book 'em dano at 10:12 PM on February 6, 2012

I just want to say that you are all clearly very intelligent and adorable.

Well, how else are we supposed to pay the bills! :P
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 10:21 PM on February 6, 2012

Hey mods, can we add Fetlife to the social explorer?
posted by By The Grace of God at 11:01 PM on February 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Good idea BTGoG!
posted by honey-barbara at 11:24 PM on February 6, 2012

From what I understand, the "also on" field requires a public profile page, so sites that you have to log in to before you can view a profile page won't work. There is some general discussion about how sites are added here.
posted by taz (staff) at 11:27 PM on February 6, 2012

Do y'all ever just do a nationwide search for match only and then look at the 99% people and find that about half of them seem like the most amazing people and your perfect match and you get all excited and then later find that it's just really mostly depressing?

Or is that only me who does that?
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 7:38 PM on February 6 [+] [!]

So I deleted my OKC profile quite a while ago (actually about 6 months *before* I got together with my current bf-- I'd completely given up on dating).

But before then, a few years ago, I recall whinging to my housemate about all these random dudes who'd look at my profile from other cities. I mean, sheesh, it's bad enough when they're not someone I'd date anyhow.. but look at this one, he's damn hot and he's funny and smart..and he lives across the freaking country! It's not fair!

And then I looked at the profile pic a little more closely- guess I still thought my ex was attractive.
posted by nat at 11:31 PM on February 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

While waiting for that pony to be let out of the barn, BTGoG, there is a People from MetaFilter on FetLife group. I could have the wording on that slightly wrong, but searching "MetaFilter" can't lead you astray.

Here's me, people! You're all so beautiful and high match percentages and depressingly far away from Jacksonville, Florida.
posted by Devika at 11:51 PM on February 6, 2012

"And then I looked at the profile pic a little more closely- guess I still thought my ex was attractive."

Ha! That would freak me the hell out.

"Yep, but I'm thinking of trying another service as I've heard OKC skews young. There are some seemingly amazing matches in my age range on OKC, but I'd have to move 8000 miles. It's possible the middle aged ladies in SJé are all on match or something."

That it skews young is why it's good for me. Not that I'm looking for much younger women, but that the fact that it skews that way has a lot to do with the type of people that are attracted to it. It's, by far, been the online dating site that has people more like me and less like other middle-aged people that I have absolutely nothing in common with.

That's a bit problematic to assert, of course, but there's just a much larger pool of people more my type on OKC than I've seen elsewhere.

Unfortunately, in many cases, they're not here. For example, just within this region, Albuquerque's metro area is probably around 800K, or so. Santa Fe, which is only 60 miles away, is much, much smaller and about 120K, at most. And yet more than half of my top matches are Santa Feans. ABQ isn't a bad city, it's not like it's a cultural conservative backwater, but it's still not really my demographic. Austin was far, fare more my kind of town, but I wasn't on OKC when I lived there.

I'm really surprised that San Jose doesn't work for you. When I do nationwide searches, I get a lot of high matches in the Bay Area. But, well, not so many in San Jose, come to think of it.

"Here's me, people! You're all so beautiful and high match percentages and depressingly far away from Jacksonville, Florida."

...high matches, far away...and more than twice your age. :)

That's actually kind of a bummer, too. I don't normally see profiles of women that much younger than me, because I don't search for them or anything, but sometimes things like looking at yours just now I'll find someone much, much different in age who seems really cool and is a high match and has a really amazing profile. (Oh, that reminds me of something I want to ask y'all in a moment.) And so then I go through a little thought process of reminding myself why age really can matter a great deal. I hung out with some 24 year-old women at some restaurants and clubs about eight years ago, and I was eight years younger, and I still felt a real gulf there. So, I guess interests and preferences and such are obviously only part of the story.

About that other thing...so how heavily do profile photos weigh for people? Physical attractiveness does matter to me, of course, but unless someone seems particularly incompatible with me, looks-wise, what I always focus on and examine first are the match numbers and the profile answers, and then the "unacceptable answers"...then I'll look at photos.

About eight months ago I changed my photo to the current one, which I have mixed feelings about, and my number of visitors immediately went way up. Now, that's not difficult, because it's a low number, anyway. But, still. And then I rewrote parts of my profile when I was one of those moods where I was actually slightly funny, and the two changes together began generating a few unsolicited messages a week from women when before I was getting none.

All this I found a bit disconcerting. It bothers me that such small differences can be so influential.

OKC is really good because of its matching system; I think this is far and away the most useful online matchmaking system in existence. On the other hand, I think a general problem with online matchmaking sites is that they encourage us to be far more picky than we ought to be. We end up looking for reasons, any reason, to disqualify someone. I do this, too, but it's not based upon photos or most profile answers. I tend to do it if I think something the person has written means they just wouldn't like me—I sort of debate with myself if that means I'm insecure or if it means I'm just not interested in someone I don't think would be uninterested in me. Also, though, I'm aware that this is contrary to average male behavior on these sites, where men have a strong tendency to pretty much ignore any and all hurdles and write to prospectives indiscriminately, frequently ignoring explicit "don't write me if..." directives. So, I dunno.

I do think that it's almost certain that we're all being too picky. When I think back on my exes, I'm pretty sure that none of them, except the most recent and maybe not even her, would have matched with me extremely highly. In real life, there's lots of little incompatibilities. When looking through online matchmaking profiles, we (I do think I'm justified in writing "we") tend to disqualify people when we see one of those little incompatibilities.

I've obviously thought about this a lot. But because of my lifestyle, I don't have much opportunities to socialize and meet new people, so this has been my primary means of meeting new people. I go on one or two coffee dates every month, or so.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 12:35 AM on February 7, 2012 [3 favorites]

Here's mine ... it's obnoxious, but I can't bring myself to make it more reasonable.
posted by crankyrogalsky at 12:53 AM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

About that other thing...so how heavily do profile photos weigh for people?

Actually they weighed fairly heavily during my time browsing okc, but not in the obvious sense. I mean yeah, I took a look in the interest of physical attraction, but I used them more as a weeding-out tool. What I was looking for was the style of the picture, whether it looked planned, if they were dressed up for it, faking emotional gestures, etc. I'd already learned earlier in dating life that people who are prone to putting themselves out to the world in such a way ... we tend not to connect very deeply. But that's just me.
posted by mannequito at 1:12 AM on February 7, 2012

Cant believe I joined just to have a sticky beak at your fabulous profiles. This is what happens when you spend six weeks holed up in your house with a broken foot. Dammit.
posted by honey-barbara at 1:22 AM on February 7, 2012

Your link to your profile is incomplete, honey-barbara.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 1:36 AM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

I love you all. I have to mention, though, that Mr Fedora would not be feeling so bad if he read our okcupid profiles. I always believed he was heartfelt.
posted by h00py at 3:14 AM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

About eight months ago I changed my photo to the current one, which I have mixed feelings about, and my number of visitors immediately went way up.

Natural born killer! What I found really odd looking at your profile was 1) how you weren't actually my horrible enemy based on the computer's analysis and 2) how, aside from being a little better looking, you are essentially my doppelganger.

There can only be one. I am sorry that it will have to end like this Ivan.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:36 AM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Heheh.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:43 AM on February 7, 2012

None of you are in England. From this I conclude that all UK Mefites are irresistibly sexy and unable to stay single for long enough to set up a profle. Except me, obviously.
posted by permafrost at 4:24 AM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

This experiment led me to discover that all the other Icelandic Mefites are male. Something must be done about this. Time to start talking about Metafilter in public more!
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 5:20 AM on February 7, 2012

I meet way more interesting people via MetaFilter than I've ever met with those stupid dating sites.
posted by JanetLand at 5:34 AM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

I was like: "Who are all these dudes visiting my OKC profile suddenly?" Then I guessed Metafilter and was right.
posted by sciurus at 5:39 AM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Since everyone else is doing it: here.
posted by orrnyereg at 5:39 AM on February 7, 2012

And what if everyone was jumping off a bridge or taking heroin, orrnyereg?
posted by Meatbomb at 6:05 AM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

OMG everyone else is doing heroin?
posted by J. Wilson at 6:38 AM on February 7, 2012

Since I've been clicking through onto everyone's profile linked here, it's only fair I put myself out there.
This is me, haven't updated anything but the pics in quite a while, and I got the "wherefore" question wrong.
I knew I was getting it wrong, because if "wherefore" meant "where", it wouldn't really be a good question, ya know?
I could have easily googled it, but I figured that I should make my lack of literary leanings obvious for those that might get twitchy over that sort of thing.
posted by newpotato at 6:40 AM on February 7, 2012

This girl's fetish seems appropriate for Metafilter.

Gman, by that do you mean her love of beans or not being able to do without her sisters' orgasms?
posted by pmcp at 6:57 AM on February 7, 2012

Why not? Here is mine.
posted by hecho de la basura at 7:10 AM on February 7, 2012

Sorry, I like you and all, just not in that way.
posted by Capt. Renault at 7:20 AM on February 7, 2012

Stop it everybody, you're DESTROYING LOVE, apparently!
posted by Chekhovian at 7:22 AM on February 7, 2012

Here I am, for all the internets to see.
posted by drklahn at 7:49 AM on February 7, 2012

You are all absolutely adorable.

It makes me a little sad that I got taken off the market before online dating was a thing, just because it looks like it would have been kinda fun.
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:16 AM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Git On It
posted by spicynuts at 8:18 AM on February 7, 2012

So who's gonna set up the regional Metafilter Singles Mixers in IRL?
or metafilter key party
posted by modernserf at 8:59 AM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm too wordy, I think - Am I doing it wrong? *sigh*

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/syzy
posted by symbioid at 9:10 AM on February 7, 2012

> not so many in San Jose, come to think of it.

Nope. Oakland and San Francisco, mostly. If I can increase my tolerance for woo woo, Santa Cruz. I'm getting a lot of benefit from Qi Gong lately and one of my teachers is a raw & veggie food eating, mindfulness retreat leading, Prius driving, soup-kitchen volunteering Santa Cruz County dweller and I'm crushing on her, so hey, I'm more adaptable than I thought!

A friend from college (so also mid-40s) in SF is a full time artist living in a loft w/ no car, but she only talks to me because I take the train to the city. I'm otherwise from another planet. I suppose that's an advantage of other South Bay folk: they're also "trapped" by mortgages, kids & jobs and while OKC profiles tend to be shiny, happy about that, the reality is likely that some of them would like someone to commiserate with and "break out" with a visit to SFMOMA.
posted by morganw at 9:15 AM on February 7, 2012

Laura Macbeth: " (re: shakespeare wherefore question)... I created that question for OKCupid wayyyy back in the day! Really, my only source of fame."

Eponysterical!
posted by symbioid at 9:22 AM on February 7, 2012

I'd like to thank Liz for pointing out that my profile lists me as having the goal of being as strong as a spider rather than having the proportional strength of a spider. :)

She is the best. Also 94% as cool as I am.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 9:22 AM on February 7, 2012 [4 favorites]

symbiod, there's a lot of links on your profile which isn't really the place for it, esp. starting off with a link to a youtube song.

I'm firmly in the show who you are through descriptions of events / thoughts rather than straight exposition.

It's the difference between:
"I'm a lifelong democrat" (exposition)
"I worked on Obama's 2008 campaign as a volunteer coordinator. It was a blast and I got to ... etc. etc." (action that provides the same info in a much more memorable way)

That will also let people talk to you easier. Hope that helped.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 9:26 AM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

So I recently became single, and fired up the ol' OKC profile again. I've been dating a LOT, which is total fun, but also sending out a lot of 'thanks, but not interested' messages.

They get really varied replies. More than one person has expressed appreciation that I responded with that, and more than one person has turned into an angry, explosive ball of hate.

That part's not so fun.
posted by rachaelfaith at 9:28 AM on February 7, 2012

b33j: "Also a 93% match with another straight woman. I wonder what this means..."

You should have a slumber party!!!
posted by symbioid at 9:40 AM on February 7, 2012

Duffington: "I pretty much ignore my profile, but I have been thinking that I should jump back in. Here goes nothing!"

Man, I bet "pottymouth" always gets the ladies!
posted by symbioid at 9:47 AM on February 7, 2012

"If I can increase my tolerance for woo woo, Santa Cruz."

That's my problem with Santa Fe. That was kind of my problem with it when I lived there. Sort of a love/hate thing. But, hey, at this point I'm open to woo because compared to reality-show-watching suburban conservatives who want to be treated like "a real woman", woo looks pretty good.

"They get really varied replies. More than one person has expressed appreciation that I responded with that, and more than one person has turned into an angry, explosive ball of hate."

The point of this, ideally, is that we're putting a lot of ourselves out there. So, rejection hurts. There's a big asymmetry between straight men and women with regard to sending/receiving messages and if you ever take a look at the OKC forums (something I don't recommend, unless you like being repulsed by repulsive people), you'll see lots of men complaining about how rude women are for not responding to messages. I think most don't realize how many more messages women receive than do men.

And I'm curious as to how those men feel when they get an unsolicited message from someone they aren't interested in. Do they always respond? In my case, I very badly want to—I always want to find some way of saying that I'm flattered by the message and the person seems very cool and interesting, but that I'm not interested. You know, "it's me, not you". But I can't ever think of anything that expresses that and wouldn't end up inviting continued correspondence that would likely end up being more hurtful.

So I often just don't respond. Exactly as most women do.

Though it's not ideal, I've come to believe that silence is actually the most kind way of rejecting someone's overture. Because with no response, they don't ever know that they've actually been rejected...perhaps their message was not read? Perhaps the person has set it aside for a later, more leisurely reply? (Which does happen, someone replied to me five months later for this reason.) With an actual response saying something equal to "I'm not interested", the person has no choice but to feel some sting of rejection.

Honestly, being male and not getting many messages anyway, and being the kind of person that hates the idea of making someone in that situation feel bad, in the past I've engaged with women that I really wasn't interested in, telling myself that I should get to know them better, and all that. Just like the same sort of thing that happens to everyone in real life. It doesn't usually go very well, although I'm not entirely sure that it's less hurtful than just blowing someone off.

My current profile, which was intended to be temporary, came about because someone sent me a message that was very critical of a couple of things I'd written, we had a few exchanges, and the whole thing made me feel really crummy. I erased everything, the re-answered some sections a couple of weeks later.

I know that there's some sense that those of us who are older should be mature and beyond being sensitive to rejection and all that stuff involved—we're not in middle-school anymore, that was thirty/forty years ago—but I think a lot of us still find it difficult to navigate this kind of stuff.

I commend you for your courtesy and attempts at kindness in replying to say you're not interested. That's extremely cool, and it's certainly how most of us would like things to be. But, I don't know, it might be best for everyone concerned to not do this. If for no other reason, that you won't have to deal with the creepy/angry guys who write you back like the one guy you describe. You certainly don't need that, especially not when you're trying to be kind.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:50 AM on February 7, 2012

Thanks OTLC -- been kind of avoiding doing anything to the profile (I guess I admit, still dealing with my breakup from last year, though slowly getting better) and may as well start to clean it all up :) This thread rawks!
posted by symbioid at 9:59 AM on February 7, 2012

rachaelfaith: "They get really varied replies. More than one person has expressed appreciation that I responded with that, and more than one person has turned into an angry, explosive ball of hate.

That part's not so fun."

Obviously not replying is best in that circumstance, I think, but it would be fun to poke them with "Well, I guess you just proved to me with your reaction that it was a horrible idea. Thanks for that!" Seriously, what kind of self-entitled jackass does that kind of shit?
posted by symbioid at 10:01 AM on February 7, 2012

Oh hey, I still have an OKC profile. Not that it does me any good.
posted by Eideteker at 10:01 AM on February 7, 2012

symbioid, I am a lady. A straight one. But maybe not one who has a lot of belief that this meeting people on the computer thing works.
posted by Duffington at 10:05 AM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Wait, our Metafilter profiles aren't for dating?
posted by Justinian at 10:06 AM on February 7, 2012 [5 favorites]

Heh - I uh admit I didn't follow through to your profile, just saw the username in my haste, had a chuckle.

S'all good ;) Having fun. At least it makes more sense than "syzy" (man I need to modify that)...
posted by symbioid at 10:07 AM on February 7, 2012

(that was to Duffington - I'll shut up my haste is making me speak in only quasi-coherent gibberish at this point).
posted by symbioid at 10:08 AM on February 7, 2012

Thanks to this thread I felt extremely popular for a moment when I just visited OKCupid. But I was wrong.
posted by cmoj at 10:15 AM on February 7, 2012

Well, I suppose I'm going to have to. (everyone's going to know how young I am!)
posted by One Second Before Awakening at 10:16 AM on February 7, 2012

holy crap that is a torrent of dudes looking at my page
posted by Eideteker at 10:24 AM on February 7, 2012

It must be your raw animal man-get-ism
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:26 AM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

I still have not found a way to deactivate it, even temporarily.
posted by Eideteker at 10:37 AM on February 7, 2012

It's easy to. You can temporarily disable it which keeps it out of the index unless you log in, or you can delete it completely.
posted by empath at 10:43 AM on February 7, 2012

Wait, our Metafilter profiles aren't for dating?

Yeah, I dunno. I look at mine, and I feel pretty dated.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:45 AM on February 7, 2012 [6 favorites]

Man, I've never had a profile on OKCupid, even for the quizzes--though I came really close to making an account last year so I could see Julian Assange's profile--but now I'm really tempted to start one up just so I can stalk MeFites and see how they present themselves.
posted by Phire at 10:57 AM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

"It's easy to. You can temporarily disable it which keeps it out of the index unless you log in, or you can delete it completely."

There's an index of my raw animal man-get-ism now? Sheesh, I'll never get it shut down.
posted by Eideteker at 11:09 AM on February 7, 2012

"Though it's not ideal, I've come to believe that silence is actually the most kind way of rejecting someone's overture."

Really? From most friends I've talked to that do the online dating thing, they've all expressed wanting *some* reply rather than none. I guess I always equated it to sending a resume- I'd rather hear back with a rejection than be ignored completely. But I understand that this varies.
posted by rachaelfaith at 11:10 AM on February 7, 2012

Really? From most friends I've talked to that do the online dating thing, they've all expressed wanting *some* reply rather than none. I guess I always equated it to sending a resume- I'd rather hear back with a rejection than be ignored completely. But I understand that this varies.

The issue really has more to do with risk vs. reward. The number of people who'll accept rejection graciously and appreciate that you took the time to let them know you weren't interested is significant, but they are kind of outweighed by the frothing lunatics who'll inform you what a horrible bitch you are (in much, much less kind language) for even the most polite demurral. Eventually sending out a "thanks, but no thanks" message just stops being worth the chance that they'll be yet another psycho.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 11:25 AM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

"Really? From most friends I've talked to that do the online dating thing, they've all expressed wanting *some* reply rather than none. I guess I always equated it to sending a resume- I'd rather hear back with a rejection than be ignored completely. But I understand that this varies."

There may be a gender difference about this. In experience and/or sensibilities.

If you rarely send an unsolicited message, not getting a reply can feel very much like a snub. But if you send a lot of them, then continual rejections aren't any fun, either.

However, I think of this more in terms of the net unhappiness result. If you're sent a lot of unsolicited messages, sending many rejecting replies would be a depressing chore, likely to become short and generic responses that don't take much sting from the rejection anyway, and encourage rejected people to respond (which is extremely likely to be unpleasant). Meanwhile, even if a kind response to an unsolicited message is nice, not hearing anything isn't really that bad, is certainly better than an explicit and rude rejection, and as I mentioned, can be rationalized as not signifying anything at all. So, on balance, no response is most likely to result in the least amount of hurt feelings and anxiety.

I dunno. I'm finding it interesting in this very particular context, where the conjunction of OKC and MetaFilter changes the expectations. I've written a few people and my default is to (try to) not be offended by a lack of response...but I think it will be a bit more difficult in this case.

Again, though...women, in general, get many many unsolicited messages. A good week for me is when I get two. A woman with an appealing profile in a large city can get a large number every day. It's just not realistic to expect everyone to respond to all messages, especially when there's no way for the writer to know if that person doesn't have a backlog of fifty messages to which they could respond. I'm sure many of the women here have gotten a bunch of messages in the last 24 hours.

But I'm definitely open to figuring out how to make it most pleasant/least unpleasant. Do you have any ideas about how rejecting replies should be phrased to accomplish this?
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 11:30 AM on February 7, 2012

What FAMOUS MONSTER says. Also, I've also gotten some weird break-up emails from people I haven't even met. "You're a great guy, but . . . " or whatever, and it feels like a little more rejection than is necessary under the circumstances. So, I am firmly on the side of not replying if you're not interested.
posted by chrchr at 11:32 AM on February 7, 2012

"The number of people who'll accept rejection graciously and appreciate that you took the time to let them know you weren't interested is significant, but they are kind of outweighed by the frothing lunatics who'll inform you what a horrible bitch you are..."

Yeah, and I think that has to do with the gender differences in sending/receiving volume. Men send a lot of message, much more indiscriminately than do women. And women receive a lot of messages. So, even if what you wrote above wasn't an issue, it's still most likely that women would be less likely to reply than to reply. So the end result is that men send off a lot of messages and usually don't hear anything back.

So what happens is that they build up an accumulated sense of rejection. They don't have anyone to vent that to...except for the few women who do respond with an explicit rejection.

That's my theory. It's not my personal experience. I've always felt better about a (kindly worded) rejecting response than silence. But I'm not necessarily representative of most men, either.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 11:36 AM on February 7, 2012

OK, I'll jump in, why not?

Help, I can't stop dating!
posted by Help, I can't stop talking! at 11:48 AM on February 7, 2012

Here goes....

Maybe Meta love will be better than the weirdness I've encountered so far on OKC.
posted by southpaw at 12:11 PM on February 7, 2012

I'm sure many of the women here have gotten a bunch of messages in the last 24 hours.

Ha! The only I got was the one about my secretquonsar gift still nowhere in sight... *crawls back under rock*
posted by infini at 12:16 PM on February 7, 2012

I have enjoyed looking at these with the account I made specifically to do so.

Re: rejection notices, when I was active on OkC I went the silence route, mostly based on not having any idea how to say "not interested" in a nice way. It was also totally weird for me to have dudes sending me messages, it's just not a thing I've been used to in my life. But every time I'd put up a new photo, I'd get a little flurry of pings or woos, the button people can click to just say "ur hot lol"? Whatever that is. Having never really been the subject of attention before, I wasn't very well equipped to handle it.
posted by kavasa at 12:36 PM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

And women receive a lot of messages.

I'm sure many of the women here have gotten a bunch of messages in the last 24 hours.

You guys are hilarious.
posted by Melismata at 12:45 PM on February 7, 2012 [4 favorites]

The overwhelming majority of message I receive are of the "hey ur cute lol lets chat" variety. These don't merit a response, in my opinion, because they're either the product of some OKC bot trying to get me to log back in, or from a real person so hopelessly illiterate that we wouldn't be able to stand one another's company.

Though I do find it helpful when a message begins with fawning over my looks; then I know right away who the not-serious people are. Gents, please. I do occasionally look in a mirror--you're not fooling anybody.
posted by orrnyereg at 1:07 PM on February 7, 2012

"You guys are hilarious."

I think there can be a great range of message/visitor rates across individuals, and for reasons that are very hard to pin down. For example, in one of those OKC blog entries on their number-crunching, they talked about how it's not the women who are most highly rated by men as physically attractive who get the most messages, but the ones rated one step below. That's counterintuitive until you think about it a little.

And then, like I describe above, I made what seemed to me to be not-very-meaningful changes to my profile, and suddenly my visitor and message rate went way, way up.

It's disconcerting. My former friend and roommate is one of those people who has that je ne sais quoi of attractiveness. For the twenty years I've known him, he's dated far more attractive women than I'd expect, and far more of them. Other friends and family, before they've met (or only met him once or twice) and just from a photo, don't see him as attractive. Then, later, they do. After talking about my OKC profile, and taking a look at it, he decided to make one for himself.

My self-esteem took a hit, predictably, as he immediately began getting about four times as many visitors as me, and pretty much every woman he wrote answered him back.

On the other hand, he has this deliberative and manipulative way he interacts with women that bothers me. When I made the changes to my photo and profile, I expressed my great surprise that it made such a difference and he took a look at it and immediately explained the various things that made it more attractive. And that sort of bugged me.

I don't want to craft my profile to maximize its attractiveness. The last thing I want to read is a thread containing tips on how to improve my profile because, if I knew those things, I'd be tempted to utilize them. To my mind, the whole point of the exercise is to match up two people who are most likely to enjoy each other as they each truly are, not the idealized people they work hard at presenting to the world.

So, you know, at least some of us who don't get a lot of visitors and messages might just be unusual, quirky people who are presenting ourselves honestly, and thus our appeal isn't wide-but-shallow, and rather narrow-but-deep. One would like to think, anyway.

"Though I do find it helpful when a message begins with fawning over my looks; then I know right away who the not-serious people are. Gents, please. I do occasionally look in a mirror--you're not fooling anybody."

That's another very interesting thing you'll see women talking about in the forums. A lot of women find an unsolicited message complimenting their looks to be an instant disqualification. That's certainly contrary to what I think is the conventional opinion among men about what women expect. It makes sense, though.

Looks aren't that important to me and, in any case, I've always felt uncomfortable complimenting women that way, even once I've gotten to know someone better. So, for a while, I had this vague idea that I was making a bad faux pas in not ever complimenting a woman's appearance when I corresponded with her on OKC. Little did I realize I was doing the right thing, due solely to my being shy about such things.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 1:16 PM on February 7, 2012 [6 favorites]

I'm always sort of disconcerted hearing about the number of (random, low-quality) messages women receive on OKCupid, because as near as I can tell, it's not that women get a lot, it's that men (collectively, not necessarily individually) send a lot. I get few messages, and they're all pretty carefully crafted if not always totally awesome, but I am only interested in women. I've talked to a number of women who had to change their identification from "bisexual" because the flood of messages from dudes was just too overwhelming.

(Of course, I'm not exactly a power user - I've contacted maybe ten people in a year, gotten about that many unsolicited messages, and gone on four or five dates.)
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 1:22 PM on February 7, 2012

I don't want to craft my profile to maximize its attractiveness. The last thing I want to read is a thread containing tips on how to improve my profile because, if I knew those things, I'd be tempted to utilize them. To my mind, the whole point of the exercise is to match up two people who are most likely to enjoy each other as they each truly are, not the idealized people they work hard at presenting to the world.

Certainly there are people who abuse things for personal gain (i.e. pickup artist "techniques"), and I think that's why you phrase this so negatively, but there is NOTHING wrong with wanting to present yourself in your best possible light. That is maybe the entire drive for human existence, self improvement and wanting "more" whether it's sex, puppies, sleep, inner peace or M&Ms.

So if your friend is like "Neg a woman to make her want you." he's a creep. If he says "You stopped self-deprecating here, here and here and now your profile sounds more upbeat and attractive." That is fine. They're not the same thing at all.

I just got a very Holden Caufield-esque vibe from you when I read that part. The older I get the more I realize it's a very immature idea to think there are fake yous and a real you. It's all coming from the same source. (And if you have a problem with feeling like you have to perform to make people like you, well, that's a self esteem issue.)

tl;dr Being afraid of reading profile tips because you will lose the "real you" is not how it works.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 1:30 PM on February 7, 2012

Oh, I forgot OkCupid made me a moderator dude for no reason... Hm. Better render some judgments and scope the latest scams.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 1:37 PM on February 7, 2012

I'm on said dating site. I'll be your >97+% friend, <6% enemy in the SF East Bay. My profile is so over-bean-plated it will be obvious.
posted by zippy at 1:38 PM on February 7, 2012

See, that's the problem with online dating: you're not seeing the real you. There's a cartoon making the rounds these days about a guy who had 2,000 Facebook friends but only two showed up at his funeral. My very first online date (1988, over a university VAX system, woo-hoo!) still holds the record as the worst kisser ever. You can be online friends with someone forever and ever, even love them online, but without knowing them in real life, you're not knowing the real person.

I think you're both right: we need to somehow present ourselves online if we're ever going to hook up with anybody, but at the same time, as restless_nomad says, pigeonholing ourselves into these narrow categories doesn't work either.

For example: my profile says I do a lot of catsitting. And yet, I'm not the biggest lover of animals--it's a job, a pleasant one, but I don't go ga-ga over pets all the time. And yet I got a very short rejection letter from someone saying "sorry, I don't like cats."
posted by Melismata at 1:40 PM on February 7, 2012

It's interesting because here we are talking now about self-promotion, turning ourselves into a commodity, marketing, and it goes with the whole sense of self that comes with an artist who just wants to be their artist self vs the image that is sold to the public, and trying to retain authenticity.

I can see what you're saying, OnTheLastCastle, and I don't fully disagree, but yet, I can see why one might not want to do what feels like playing games.

I guess it really depends on what you're doing, as you seem to point out. For instance you offered tips for me that sort of allude to some of my own thoughts on my profile (though maybe not the same specifics).

I'm running into a similar situation here when I'm trying to be creative and "pimp myself" out to get recognition. Those of us who are a bit more shy/introverted or whatever, have more of a difficult time doing such a thing. It feels so unnatural to us, and I think doing an OKCupid profile is sort of the same thing.

Where's the line between confidence/egotistic, where's the line between calm and condient, shy and sweet vs completely inept?

THE SHEER STARK AND UTTER TERROR OF OTHER PEOPLE LOOKING AT US... I mean *ahem*...
posted by symbioid at 1:41 PM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

Don't worry, Melismata... They don't like cats. They're totally not worth it.
posted by symbioid at 1:42 PM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

"I've talked to a number of women who had to change their identification from bisexual' because the flood of messages from dudes was just too overwhelming."

Yeah, that's a whole other deal. I find I'm increasingly annoyed at how this orientation stuff plays out.

Right away when I created a profile and started answering questions, an amazingly large portion of my matches were with bisexual women. I still don't know exactly why that is, but I think it's partly that my answers are pretty far to the extreme in terms of sex-positivism, but mostly that they're also without exception as strongly favoring gay rights and all related as they can be.

And while I'd prefer to be bisexual, though I'm not, and while I prefer the idea of a partner who is bisexual in terms of, I suppose, values, it's not like I share the majority culture's straight-male idea of what bisexual women are like. It's not, in itself, attractive to me. Why would it be? I'm a man.

Also, there's a similar thing going on, though less so, with polyamory. I'm not interested in an open relationship, but my matches clearly skew somewhat to women who are polyamorous. Again, it has to do mostly with my values and beliefs about sexuality.

So what's a bit annoying is that this intersection of interests and values, which normally would be a good thing, gets diluted with the addition of all the straight men who have cliched ideas about bisexual women and women who are polyamorous. I don't want to be lumped in with them. And not to mention that I'm also "competing" twice as many people with regard to bisexual women. The end result is that I have this ambivalent reaction when I see that someone is bi. I think "cool, she probably has a lot of the same values as me" and then I think, "dammit, she's not very likely to be interested".

Okay, then there's the thing from the other direction. I had no idea about this until I came across some people talking about. Maybe it was in the OKC forums, maybe not. (I swear, I've only visited them less than three or four different times. Maybe it was people's comments on journal entries, which used to be easy to read when stuff showed up in the feed.) Anyway, apparently, a number of women use the question asking about whether someone's had sex with someone of the same sex as a filter, seeing a "yes" answer in any form as a disqualifier signifying a closeted gay man (assuming they identify as straight).

This really pisses me off, for the obvious reasons.

So all this weird shit surrounding orientation and conventional notions about it ends up just making me cranky and a little depressed.

On preview: "The older I get the more I realize it's a very immature idea to think there are fake yous and a real you."

With all due respect, I strongly disagree. And I think there's a bit of presumption in some of your comments here in this thread.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 1:47 PM on February 7, 2012 [3 favorites]

Presumption about what?
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 1:50 PM on February 7, 2012

I'm not interested in an open relationship, but my matches clearly skew somewhat to women who are polyamorous.

Gah, yes. I have had one (1) date with a woman who was actually single. Everyone else was in an open relationship and looking for something casual. I finally put something specifically saying that I wasn't so much interested in that after going on a date with someone who turned out to be the girlfriend of a woman I went out with last summer. (There are, apparently, only four lesbians in Austin. I have now been out with all of them. *sigh*)

I'm actually fine with an open relationship, in theory, but I'm single. I'm looking for a primary, not to be someone else's secondary.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 1:55 PM on February 7, 2012 [4 favorites]

"You can be online friends with someone forever and ever, even love them online, but without knowing them in real life, you're not knowing the real person."

Yeah, that's why it's important to meet someone promising sooner rather than later. Like, before there's any real investment in the relationship online. It is absolutely the case that the so-important chemistry can't be predicted until you meet in person.

I've been married once, a long time ago, but it actually came from an online meeting. One year later than the incident you described about yourself. I met the woman I eventually married via a commercial online service chatroom in the summer of 1989. Back then, no one we met had ever heard of a romantic couple having originally met online.

But our online interaction lasted about three days. Then we went to the telephone (expensive between US and Canada in 1989) and regular mailed letters. We met in person three months after we met online.

And it went really, really well.

Later, after we were married and in the early 90s began talking to other people who were meeting people online, she and I were very explicit in telling people that we were actually quite lucky in that we had chemistry and really enjoyed each other when we met in person. It easily could have gone completely differently.

Of course, we did divorce after being married only five years, so there's that.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 2:00 PM on February 7, 2012

On a re-read, I realize you were perhaps talking about knowing someone in a deeper sense than is arguably possible without interacting with them a lot in person. And, yeah, that's definitely true. Though I think that it's not necessarily true in all cases. People vary widely in how much each of their personas diverge and even how much they reveal in person. Some people can live with other people and still be a mystery to those others because they're so closed and/or duplicitous. I don't think it's warranted to assume that the person you know only online is a relatively meaningless facade; but I also don't think it's warranted to assume that you truly know even an apparently very open person in the same situation, either. I guess caution is required, but too much caution is counterproductive. But I don't have any authority on this—I'm extremely trusting and never, ever expect people to lie to me or otherwise be duplicitous. I'm pretty much okay with that. Not always, but mostly.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 2:10 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

I've met my last three long term girlfriends online, and I don't have a bad word to say about any of them. After a shitty break up in 2005, I decided to try out online dating, and I learned very quickly how the system works. Unlike me, most people are very different in person, than they are online; it actually surprised the shit out of me. It makes no sense in the dating world. I mean, we're gonna meet, right? Might as well get it all out on the table and not waste either of our time.

I became a professional at weeding people out that I knew wouldn't click with me. Anyone who was impatient about receiving a response ie a second or third email before I'd had a chance to reply to the first one... done. Even if I somewhat liked what a girl had to say in her profile, but she used 'ur' or 'lol' or anything like that... done. Anyone contacting me who wasn't within a 100 km radius was also not a potential.

The key to finding someone you are compatible with is to be exactly who you are, and not give them what you think they wanna hear. The real you is gonna come out eventually, so might as well be right from the get-go. It's a perfect filter - anyone who doesn't like my shit, and stops communicating based on something I've said, fuck 'em. Best of luck.

So yeah, both in '05 and again this summer, I went ape shit on the dating scene. I'd date three or four women a week. Yeah, it was fun, but I wanted to get the process over with as quickly as possible. It's a numbers game, that's all. Both those times, I guess I was out there for around five or six weeks. I gotta say, since it was never about meeting people for new friendships, having the same conversation over and over and over again, got old, quickly. The long term between the '05 one and the current one, was my very first date in that round.

Long story short, for the first time in my life, I think I've truly met "the one". That's not to say that I'll ever get married, but we've been dating for just over six months and I haven't had a fuckin' complaint in almost four months now. She's the most amazing woman I've ever known.
posted by gman at 2:31 PM on February 7, 2012 [5 favorites]

So I just searched around the small town I grew up in and thank god I fuckin' moved.
posted by symbioid at 2:39 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Searched for "metafilter" on OKC, but only a few people came up. I'll add it to mine if you'll add it to yours....
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 2:59 PM on February 7, 2012

only a few? really? because holy crap is there a fuckton of mefites on there -- unless they've all magically added themselves in 2 minutes, which I suppose *could* happen?
posted by symbioid at 3:01 PM on February 7, 2012

The key to finding someone you are compatible with is to be exactly who you are

From quirkyalone, Radically Honest Online Dating. I'm tempted to try this....
posted by morganw at 3:03 PM on February 7, 2012 [3 favorites]

I tried that (honest online dating) with a girl I knew for 8 years on LJ. Didn't work. For a few reasons. Maybe non-longdistance would be a big boon to that. LOL.
But we saw each others crazy and went for it. Shame, that....

And heyho - I wanted to plus that comment, but then I'd feel like it wasn't good enough ;)
posted by symbioid at 3:07 PM on February 7, 2012

And man, all these people w/metafilter as an interest are gonna be wondering why the hell they're getting all these views from strangers around the world!
posted by symbioid at 3:07 PM on February 7, 2012

MeFite who would prefer not to link her username and OKC name would like me to toss this profile page into the mix.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 3:09 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

"earched for "metafilter" on OKC, but only a few people came up. I'll add it to mine if you'll add it to yours...."

Done.

Also: you can put double-square-brackets on either side of a word to make it a clickable interest. I did it for MetaFilter and then a few other things.

I need to add/change some of my music choices, too.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:14 PM on February 7, 2012

Any potential matches from this thread, can't be any worse than algorithm-derived matches, so here's mine.
posted by bryghtrose at 3:15 PM on February 7, 2012

"MeFite who would prefer not to link her username and OKC name would like me to toss this profile page into the mix."

She's got a pretty great profile, too. (Needs more cowbell answers.) But my favorite bit was this: I have never knowingly slept with a Republican. That's not going to change.

I wholeheartedly endorse this practice.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:18 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Man, five hours and I've got not a single date out of it. This thread was a total waste.
posted by Eideteker at 3:21 PM on February 7, 2012 [4 favorites]

coincidentally, i just found a mefite on okcupid last night and got SUPER EXCITED about it, but i'm not sure who he is.

now that there are like 80 million of us on there, it lessens my excitement considerably.

just kidding. it still rules. here's me.
posted by kerning at 3:26 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

wait. crap. THIS is me. sigh.
posted by kerning at 3:27 PM on February 7, 2012

heh, online dating. Part of my moving from San Francisco to San Jose was throwing in the towel on dating period.
posted by MillMan at 3:31 PM on February 7, 2012

"just kidding. it still rules. here's me."

For a second there, I thought I wasn't going to find a mention of type in your profile.

But I found the kitten right away. I suppose that it says something about me that while looking at this, and other, attractive photos of mefites in OKC profiles, the strongest reaction I've had so far was OMG MUST GET A KITTEN.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:39 PM on February 7, 2012

hahahah ok fuck it fuck the world fuck the world
posted by beefetish at 3:43 PM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

Oh, whatever. My okc username is the same as here, and I even mention metafilter in my profile!
posted by Vibrissa at 3:44 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

(There are, apparently, only four lesbians in Austin. I have now been out with all of them. *sigh*)

Dude. If I were:

1) Single
2) Australian
3) Into women
4) A woman myself

I would totally ask you out. That's a pretty distant parallel universe though.

I once asked out a lesbian my freshman (or maybe sophomore) year in college. Probably the most awkward conversation I've ever been party to. Like not only did I ask her out despite being a guy, I did so because I thought she was a guy, and it took us both a couple minutes to figure out what was going on. And I was nerdy and fumbling and terrified in the first place, then everything just got compounded as it went wrong in a way I totally hadn't anticipated. Jesus, it was terrible.

There are some butch lesbians that look like hot gay guys though! It totally screws with my brain.

ALSO. Query for people that are into women:

I have had thoughts from time to time about the sort of intoxicating effect that male attention has on me* and, presumably, other persons. Like it is crazy addictive and heady, or at least it can be. I have done some pretty uncool/hurtful things because I liked it so much. Is this just a cultural thing? A personal thing? Do people get the same sort of feeling from female attention?

I have some curiosity.
posted by kavasa at 3:45 PM on February 7, 2012

Like not only did I ask her out despite being a guy, I did so because I thought she was a guy

Heh. You're not the only one. There's a waiting list in town for my first (presumably gay) male clone. I am apparently irresistible to gay men and much older, motherly women. Neither of which has ever helped me get laid.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 3:52 PM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

"I have had thoughts from time to time about the sort of intoxicating effect that male attention has on me and, presumably, other persons. Like it is crazy addictive and heady, or at least it can be."

The very first time I went to a gay bar, I guess I was 22 and went with another straight guy and his gay friend. (In Amarillo, of all places.) My friend told me to just politely refuse if asked to dance. But when it actually happened that someone asked me to dance, it was honest-to-god a mind-altering experience for me. I found it extremely flattering. I told the guy no thank you but that I was very flattered, and I immediately felt more attractive and better about myself. As someone who had grown up going to school dances and then for the few years immediately prior dancing in clubs (83-86), I thought, wow, this is a completely different experience than what I'm used to.

Of course, the flip-side of this is being in the position, as straight women are, of being expected to wait for interested people to make the first move and, for many, that doesn't happen. Which is just as soul-crushing, in its way, as being explicitly rejected.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:59 PM on February 7, 2012

Okay, I made a profile so I can gawk at y'all. I'm also posting here so I can be furious that someone else already has my go-to username "phirephoenix". First Pinterest, now OkCupid. What the hell is with everyone stealing my name on all these social networks I'm not interested in??

/hoards URL, Twitter, Gmail acounts
posted by Phire at 4:16 PM on February 7, 2012

A mefite, or someone I assume is a mefite, who hasn't made her profile name public here but who did visit mine, is not doing anything to lessen my desire to live in Brooklyn, rather than SoCal.
posted by kenko at 4:19 PM on February 7, 2012

dammit guys

unlock your profiles so's i can creep on you
posted by elizardbits at 4:24 PM on February 7, 2012 [5 favorites]

i know you will all be convinced by that moving and sincere appeal
posted by elizardbits at 4:25 PM on February 7, 2012 [8 favorites]

unlock your profiles so's i can creep on you

make one!
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 4:28 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ars Technica today on the 'science' of online dating.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:29 PM on February 7, 2012

nooooo

so lazy
posted by elizardbits at 4:33 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

but you may find lahv
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 4:35 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Are there thousand-year old vampires from Scandinavia who make tacos on there? That may be a motivating factor!
posted by winna at 4:37 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

What the hell is with everyone stealing my name on all these social networks I'm not interested in??

No shit, Phire! If I ever meet the fake Meatbomb who is all over the place we're going to have a serious talk...
posted by Meatbomb at 4:39 PM on February 7, 2012

oh no guys there are so many quizzes someone stop me I have a cat to feed

(Okay, profile actually updated with something now.)
posted by Phire at 4:41 PM on February 7, 2012

taco comment cast aside in favour of internets marrying winna, brb
posted by elizardbits at 4:42 PM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

I was so excited to see how many times my profile had been viewed, but then it was all traffic from this thread. Not a gay dude in the bunch. (I got my hopes up when the one super hot guy's picture popped up in the list, but it was just fucking Greg Nog.)
posted by Help, I can't stop talking! at 4:58 PM on February 7, 2012

I'm not annoyed by Greg Nog, just sad he doesn't have a homosexual twin in the neighborhood.
posted by Help, I can't stop talking! at 5:00 PM on February 7, 2012 [4 favorites]

Look at that! This thread has already generated a lovely internets wedding!

I didn't even have to stop taking notes on this lecture about Cronbach's alpha to so, either! That is a pretty darn efficient mechanism!
posted by winna at 5:01 PM on February 7, 2012

I think that OKC is the only site that actually works. Its design makes sense. The others which rely upon what people think they want, and questionable personality categorizations and whatnot, are pretty much useless, in my opinion.

Not that there's not a bunch a intangibles that can't be accounted for, nor that there's not the problem, like I mentioned before, that people get too high expectations are too picky, but overall I think that OKC works pretty well at what it does.

They used to point out (before they were bought by another online dating site) that the other guys with their recurring fee model actually have an incentive to not make good matches.

Regardless, OKC has the virtue of being the site that draws the more unconventional crowd and if you've experience with the other big ones (which I have, though it was years ago, and also craigslist, which is eye-opening) it's pretty obvious that the demographics are quite different. That may not matter so much to a 22 year old. But when you're 47, it does.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 5:04 PM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

Everyone seems really cool! Here's mine.
posted by camneely at 5:07 PM on February 7, 2012

Man, everyone is super verbose and charming and eloquent.
posted by Phire at 5:12 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

FOREVER ALONE
posted by Eideteker at 5:15 PM on February 7, 2012

You have confused us with another website.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:15 PM on February 7, 2012 [6 favorites]

"I like huntin' n fishin' n bowlin'"
posted by symbioid at 5:16 PM on February 7, 2012

Okay. I am now officially crushing on three of you. Plane travel may or may not be involved.

looks furtively over at meetup schedule
posted by newpotato at 5:26 PM on February 7, 2012

I can't do a profile because I have a body, voice and personality made for the Internet. My métier is being a formless, timeless entity of pure energy. In person, people are put off by my deep affection for singing the Schnappi song all the time and my strong preference for keeping at least one piece of furniture and ten feet of space between me and any human person.

Also, as of even date I still do not possess a 1975 Grand Am.
posted by winna at 5:28 PM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

Day 2 of the MeFi OKCupid experiment. Still not ki^H^H^H^H messages.
posted by asterix at 5:36 PM on February 7, 2012

Do y'all ever just do a nationwide search for match only and then look at the 99% people and find that about half of them seem like the most amazing people and your perfect match and you get all excited and then later find that it's just really mostly depressing?

I've wondered if it would make sense to use number of people who are very good matches on OKC as a good way to figure out what cities I should consider moving to.
posted by madcaptenor at 5:36 PM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

batmonkey, those are super cute glasses, and I must know where you got them. (you can tell me because we're only 3% enemy!)
posted by HopperFan at 5:36 PM on February 7, 2012

I found my wife in the back pages of the Baltimore City Paper. Best $15 she's ever spent.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:38 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

What the hell. I'm icosahedral and three out of my seven profile pictures were taken at metafilter meetups.
posted by madcaptenor at 5:39 PM on February 7, 2012

I wish I could re-activate my OKC profile, but I just performed a it's-not-you-it's-me break up routine and when I attempted re-activation last night said ex was the immediate pop up as a match for me. Which I would assume I would be for him which seems bad form. I wonder what the proper etiquette is? I may have intimated that I was taking a break from dating in general, but I should have specified that I was moving on to a mefites only life.

Anyway, please know that I am with you all in spirit. This is like the great espousening+. But with real honeymoon potential!
posted by readery at 5:42 PM on February 7, 2012

I'm icosahedral and three out of my seven profile pictures were taken at metafilter meetups.

I remeber you.
posted by jonmc at 5:44 PM on February 7, 2012

I'm not annoyed by Greg Nog, just sad he doesn't have a homosexual twin in the neighborhood.

Dude, last time I ran into Greg Nog, I was on the subway, sitfaced, with a 7-11 cup full of malt liquor at my feet and and a meal from Popeye's on my lap. He had a lady friend with him. I don't imagine that I helped make a good impression for him (Sorry greg)
posted by jonmc at 5:46 PM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

Sigh. OK, here's me.
posted by Knicke at 5:46 PM on February 7, 2012

srsly, though. I'll stick with meeting women through MeFi. Y'all are some wonderful, sweet, and thought-provoking ladies you know who you are.
posted by Eideteker at 5:50 PM on February 7, 2012

Here is mine.....been offline for a while tho.
posted by lampshade at 5:54 PM on February 7, 2012

There's so many! I'm going to look at them all! okcupid/metafilter universe crossover event! This is my profile!
posted by fuq at 5:56 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

OK FINE I did it.

But I'm MARRIED MARRIED MAAAARRIED.
posted by two lights above the sea at 5:57 PM on February 7, 2012

madcaptenor: "What the hell. I'm icosahedral and three out of my seven profile pictures were taken at metafilter meetups."

Well of course, where else would one take OKCupid profile pictures?
posted by DaShiv at 5:59 PM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

I just realized that one of my profile pics was taken at a meetup long, long ago.
posted by kenko at 6:04 PM on February 7, 2012

Well, I went to sign up, and after sixtyellebben tries got this message when I got desperate:

Great! SemiIntellectual is available!

Which is unsatisfying. Anyone who wants to suggest OKC nicks for me that beat that, have at it.
posted by vers at 6:06 PM on February 7, 2012

Note: SemiDemiGeek is equally not worth it.
posted by vers at 6:07 PM on February 7, 2012

two lights: seriously? I'm a 0% match with you? Please tell me you haven't answered any of the questions, because if you have I don't trust their algorithm at all.
posted by madcaptenor at 6:09 PM on February 7, 2012

The names of ships from Culture novels.

I suggest Zero Gravitas.
posted by winna at 6:10 PM on February 7, 2012 [3 favorites]

Well of course, where else would one take OKCupid profile pictures?

Since you asked: my bedroom, a friend's thesis defense, my department's Pi Day event last year, and my living room.
posted by madcaptenor at 6:13 PM on February 7, 2012

Another MeFite who would prefer not to be linked to their username.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:16 PM on February 7, 2012

madcaptenor: I'm sure we're like a 10000% match. I haven't answered a single question!

Hurries off to answer some questions...
posted by two lights above the sea at 6:16 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh my god someone chose me what does that mean help help help
posted by two lights above the sea at 6:16 PM on February 7, 2012

If some of y'all were in New York you'd be getting a rambling message from me.
posted by fuq at 6:19 PM on February 7, 2012

I've wondered if it would make sense to use number of people who are very good matches on OKC as a good way to figure out what cities I should consider moving to.

Can't find it now, but after a few questions and quizzes, I got an email link to "geography analysis" or something like that. It listed best and worst countries for me in terms of finding matches. Worst possible? Malaysia. Followed by other Asian nations. On the best list was Sweden, Netherlands, etc.

Thank the fates that I am already happily married, and thank you computer for confirming what I already know - these are not my people, and this is not my place!
posted by Meatbomb at 6:20 PM on February 7, 2012

Yet another MeFite who would prefer we don't make the username/OKC name a matter of public/Google's record.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:21 PM on February 7, 2012

I was on the subway, sitfaced, with a 7-11 cup full of malt liquor at my feet and and a meal from Popeye's on my lap.

My television stories have led me to believe that everyone rides the NY subway in this manner.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:23 PM on February 7, 2012

Being sitfaced is really uncomfortable, new york summer or no.
posted by kenko at 6:29 PM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

DAMMIT HEYHO
posted by kenko at 6:29 PM on February 7, 2012

Aha, found it again, but don't know how others can access it for themselves.

Your Worst States
1. West Virginia
2. Alabama
3. Oklahoma
4. Arkansas
5. Mississippi
Your Best States
1. Massachusetts
2. Oregon
3. Vermont
4. New York
5. Washington

Your Worst Countries
1. Indonesia
2. Philippines
3. Malaysia
4. Singapore
5. South Africa
Your Best Countries
1. Switzerland
2. Belgium
3. Germany
4. Spain
5. Netherlands
posted by Meatbomb at 6:29 PM on February 7, 2012

I was on the subway, sitfaced, with a 7-11 cup full of malt liquor at my feet and and a meal from Popeye's on my lap.

I was trying to envision just where a lap would be on someone who is "sitfaced" and how a Popeye's meal could stay on it.
posted by maudlin at 6:30 PM on February 7, 2012

*glares at heyho and kenko*
posted by maudlin at 6:30 PM on February 7, 2012

All the MeFi-ers on OKC are so gorgeous and interesting! I'm in love with the wooooorld. And now I must break the trend.
posted by HopperFan at 6:31 PM on February 7, 2012

My geographic bests were Massachussetts and Switzerland. Well, if Switzerland would take me...
posted by Phire at 6:33 PM on February 7, 2012

Fine, you made me update my profile. I hope you're happy now, guys, there was some seriously sweet dust on those paragraphs.
posted by Errant at 6:36 PM on February 7, 2012

HopperFan: I'm so pleased to be able to link directly to them.

Wish I could tell you where I specifically had them set up for me - Seattle, somewhere on First Hill, I'm pretty sure.

Everyone else who posted a link:
I want to write to so many of you, but so worried about anything being taken the wrong way!

On OKC, in general:
While I've received a lot of messages since re-activating my page a couple of winters ago, a good number of them weren't notable for their reading comprehension (or were notable for their astonishing levels of clueless hopefulness). Poly couples (in whole or in part) and joyriding dudes aren't doing themselves any favours. But maybe that approach works, somehow? I mean, not on me, but on someone?

I'm with those who are wishing we didn't have to declare orientation. "Bisexual" is a compelling banner to many who have crazy/ill-informed ideas about what it means. I wish there were a way to put a slider on it. It would be a nice way to balance the scale a bit better for some of us, I think. I need to figure out a way to address this at some point, because I'm going to be ready to start dating again at some point in the near-ish future.

But, first, more current pics and some time spent updating the profile. Y'all set a high bar!
posted by batmonkey at 6:44 PM on February 7, 2012 [3 favorites]

Most of the Mefites I know, online or in person, I've met through other places (not OKC, though). And although I've been a member for, what, over ten years (?!) and read daily, I don't post much.

Is that going to stop me from posting my OKC profile? No, it is not.

Maybe someone can tell me how I can stop attracting a bipolar mix of 20-year-olds looking for some cougar action, and 60-and-over retiree types who see me as a sweet young thang, and get some attention from smart, fun guys around my own age instead. Preferably the kind who actually want to leave the house, and who aren't already dreaming of retirement.
posted by Superplin at 6:48 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Thanks, batmonkey!

[makes note to self to start attending meetups immediately, makes another note of incredibly cute hairstyle on new visitor's profile in preparation for demanding said style from hairdresser, wonders whether it would be more interesting to talk to people who are less than 5% enemy OR greater than 20% enemy...]
posted by HopperFan at 6:53 PM on February 7, 2012

Oh thank you for reminding me to check out OKC for haircuts. I feel all weird going into the barber with a photograph of some celebrity and saying "Like this!" but I also don't see that many people around here with haircuts I would like to emulate and the last one was a bit too punky for the barber.

And Superplin, I think the answer may be "Move to Vermont" There are a lot of men about my (our) age who are around and available and look nice and normal. Sorry, I know this is not terribly helpful.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:58 PM on February 7, 2012

Haha, the "comparison" things are great. I was looking at yours, Superplin, and some lady on the left showed up as "more spiritual", which I find hilarious.
posted by kavasa at 6:59 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'd love a greater degree of granularity regarding orientation - not for myself, because mine is uncomplicated, but for everyone else. I get a little annoyed at 35+ women who are listed under "bisexual" but are either looking for men only or, somewhere in the depths of their Q&A, reveal that they've never actually dated a woman and are only lukewarm about the idea.

It'd also be really nice to have some, any, nuance in the "gender" field. It's really hard for people anywhere on the trans spectrum to make who they are and what they're looking for clear in a way that's at all functional. (A couple of the people I'd talked to who complained about the results of putting themselves down as "bisexual" had done it originally because they're totally cool with FtM trans folk.)
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 7:02 PM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

First: you are all a bunch of hotasses. I am tempted to get all internet creepster and sign up just to creep away on the non-public profiles.

Second: thank you, winna - I will never lack for usernames. Or RL nicknames. Ever. I look forward to responding only to 'Falling Outside The Normal Moral Constraints'. My friends will hate me.

Third: That is also why I expect to die alone, crushed under Iain M. Banks books and feasted upon by cats.
posted by zennish at 7:05 PM on February 7, 2012 [3 favorites]

Ah, Jessamyn, in theory Vermont sounds lovely. Except I've come to realize that I need to be in a city. Maybe I could live in Boston and commute to Vermont for dating? Or something.

Haha, the "comparison" things are great. I was looking at yours, Superplin, and some lady on the left showed up as "more spiritual", which I find hilarious.

Those comparisons are really a lot of fun, if weird. Even without the comparison element, the "personality" assessment cracks me up. Apparently, I am super ambitious! Or at least, far more ambitious than the average female OKC user in my age category. I guess, at least, this helps get past any suspicion that I might be a gold-digger, right? And perhaps the fact that I'm also "more laid back" dilutes the image of a workaholic. I'm also allegedly more creative, artsy, adventurous, and kind than the "competition." Clearly, I'm a total catch, and the local fellas are just failing to appreciate me.

Maybe I can convince someone from Vermont to move out here...
posted by Superplin at 7:18 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Also, clearly EmpressCallipygos and I are meant to be BFFs. 99% match, 91% friendship! That's the highest match I've ever come across on OKC, personally.

I knew there was a reason I tend to favorite a disproportionate number of her AskMefi answers.
posted by Superplin at 7:21 PM on February 7, 2012

Superplin, I gotta give you a motorcycling-and-improv high five. Whoo!
posted by Eideteker at 7:21 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm not sure if there are way more dating posts because of Valentine's or I'm noticing way more dating posts because of it.
posted by modernserf at 7:25 PM on February 7, 2012

I need to get out of this college town post-haste. There are a lot of adorable 30-something ladies around here.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 7:26 PM on February 7, 2012

I've looked at so many of y'alls that it'd be weird if I didn't also post mine, which I definitely forgot I had before this thread. I think maybe I need to live in a bigger city.
posted by jackflaps at 7:28 PM on February 7, 2012

I had an old profile on there and had to reactivate it to see all you lovely mefites, you're all too young for me anyway, and too far. In my neck of the woods the guys my age are all looking for young chicks who are presumably gonna fall for their beer-bellied NASCAR-loving repuglican fishing hunting motorcycling selves. And then there are the numerous guys younger than my youngest child who sent me the u luk hot wanna hookup kinda messages.
posted by mareli at 7:28 PM on February 7, 2012

It's kind of strange that something as driven by categorisation as OKC wouldn't have taxonomy even as elegant as LustLab and various backpages (I'm thinking of all the "curious" and "couples seeking" ads that dominate there). And you're bang on about the gender-representation limitations. Like gender variance doesn't even exist. Ugh.

Maybe there just needs to be yet another, but vastly better matching system out there.

For people like me who are balanced away from the extremes yet far from the middle on both the orientation and gender scales, something as seemingly inclusive as "bi" becomes an irritating sinkhole when trying to discover like minds/libidos.

But that's where our longform profiles and questions are supposed to help, I guess, which makes the lack of reading comprehension more frustrating.

All that said, I think OKC is at least a fun place to store a dating profile and this thread has proven how handy that can be.
posted by batmonkey at 7:31 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh well, whatever.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:35 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Being married to Blatcher doesn't count, he's got a spouse in every port.

And a port in every spouse!

My wife pointed these out to me. I have to go inside now.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:40 PM on February 7, 2012 [3 favorites]

OKCupid is really sad, though. I just got a legit message from someone who said they were interested in "getting to know me" (no innuendo there) and gave me all this info about himself... but seriously: did you even read my profile, dude? MARRIED.
posted by two lights above the sea at 7:42 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

This thread is like the 10th anniversary party where I got to meet a bunch of mefites in rapid succession but only long enough to get a general sense of who people are, but internet personals.
posted by fuq at 7:46 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think we're totally screwing up some algorithms, too - I just got a random thumbs-up from someone who is not, I think, a mefite? (Maybe she is - if so, hi!) But OKCupid seems to think I'm really awesome right now.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 7:48 PM on February 7, 2012 [6 favorites]

My link's in my profile, but I prefer it not be indexed by Google. Somehow, I feel better having three clicks instead of two between my online dating profile and my tales of my screwed up family, musings about sex and drugs, and shameful confessions that I can neither cook spinach nor perform a proper squat.

And seriously, I would date all of you. Maybe not all at the same time, since we'd have trouble fitting all of Metafilter into a cozy booth at my favorite restaurant. But perhaps in some sort of serial monogamy where we could date, fall in love, fight, post AskMes about our relationship, get couples therapy, and then break up to date the next person on the list. If you're in, I'm ready to post a question about great first date spots in your city.
posted by decathecting at 7:50 PM on February 7, 2012 [6 favorites]

Ok, Cupid (if that is your real name) curiosity has gotten the better of me...


Now what the fuck do I call myself?
posted by pmcp at 7:50 PM on February 7, 2012

If I've learned anything from this, it's that my dating life would probably be better if I was actually attracted to other women.
posted by kittenmarlowe at 7:52 PM on February 7, 2012 [3 favorites]

I think maybe I need to live in a bigger city.

Arrrrg seriously I hate this "beach community"
posted by kenko at 8:02 PM on February 7, 2012

PROTIP: edit.
posted by fuq at 8:02 PM on February 7, 2012

One more MeFite who would prefer that her username and OKC name not be linked.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:08 PM on February 7, 2012

Wouldn't just adding "metafilter" to profiles temporarily help pple find OKC profiles yet not link it to google? Plus the term can be pulled off later.
posted by Wolfster at 8:26 PM on February 7, 2012

Ok, got a kick out of this thread, I signed up really really because I was looking to apply for a job there. I just saw I have one message from 2008, feel kinda bad about not responding...
posted by sammyo at 8:26 PM on February 7, 2012

My link is in my profile, too. I'd rather leave it there where I can remove it (should I ever want to) instead of having it stuck here.

And ditto to the wish for more options regarding sex/gender and orientation. I emailed OKC about that once, actually.
posted by needs more cowbell at 8:30 PM on February 7, 2012

needs more cowbell - the link from your profile isn't working - not sure if you deleted it already or it's wrong or what. just an FYI.
posted by symbioid at 9:00 PM on February 7, 2012

This thread was super nice. Ya'll have great profiles and I'm happy to get a chance to talk to some of you on OkC. Biiiiiiiiig hugs.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 9:05 PM on February 7, 2012

Which I'd been feeling unbelievably down about dating in general after so many misfires, but hey, this thread got me back in the saddle through optimism. Date lined up for tomorrow!
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 9:06 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

symbioid, my profile might not have shown up for you because I had the "I don't want to see or be seen by straight people" box checked. I unchecked it so I can look at straight mefites' profiles.

(I don't hate straight people! It's just that I recently decided to switch my profile so it says "bisexual" because it seemed closer to my variety of queer, and I didn't want to get messages from straight men that I probably won't want to date.)
posted by needs more cowbell at 9:11 PM on February 7, 2012

Wow, I can't believe I'm actually doing this -- concerns about internet identity exposure and that sort of thing -- but here goes: my link is in my profile. I figure I'm in good MeFi company.

OKC's been interesting but I haven't really paid much attention to it lately. It was intoxicating at first and the questions were waaay addictive, especially the sex ones. The trade-off is that the majority of incoming messages are variations of hey wanna bone. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just a little one-dimensional after awhile. If I ever start seriously looking for OKC dates, I'll probably delete or make private my answers to certain questions. It's interesting to think about deliberately crafting a profile to illicit specific responses.

So speaking of internet identity exposure, how do you judge that sort of thing? I mean how much you reveal about yourself online that can be linked back to your IRL self? I just Googled my username: my OKC profile was the 9th hit on the first page of results and that kind of freaks me out! But I'm not exactly sure why. I go back and forth, wondering if it's paranoia or a healthy dose of self-protection on my part.
posted by Majorita at 10:17 PM on February 7, 2012

Here's another Mefite who'd prefer not to link identities.
posted by taz (staff) at 10:43 PM on February 7, 2012

Since I looked at all y'all here's mine against all instincts. It is largely unloved these days except for harvesting horrifying messages.
posted by Trivia Newton John at 11:56 PM on February 7, 2012

So speaking of internet identity exposure, how do you judge that sort of thing?

My new business cards have my name, email, and the phrase "This is everything you need to Google my entire life." So, you know, take this for what it's worth.

But as with everything else, this is an expectation management game. A LOT of my life is on the internet, freely available to anyone with rudimentary google-fu. This is not a problem in itself, because I know this. I expect that people can find out about that one dildo, or how I feel about gay marriage, or see pictures from that pudding wrestling incident from last summer. I don't apply for the sort of jobs for which these this would be problematic; I don't have friends who can't cope with these facts.

I acknowledge I am remarkably privileged in this - I can write off conservative small business owners as potential employers and be fine, because I have a skillset that is very much in demand even in this market, and I make friends (and date) in a very permissive segment of society. And not everyone can do that. But I have made some very deliberate choices to put myself in this position, and have gotten pretty lucky with those choices, so I can pretty much just put myself out there in all my pudding-covered glory and not worry about it.

(Plus I don't have kids. That helps.)
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 12:33 AM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

GAH. Damn you all! You have given me hope and I've revived and updated my profile. Curses!
posted by iamkimiam at 1:00 AM on February 8, 2012

A list of the profiles directly linked in this thread. Doesn't (yet) include the indirectly linked profiles.

Complete and accurate as of just now. Doesn't include the MetaFilter usernames. Page does include the directive to be ignored by search engines. Does include the age, gender, availability, orientation, location information listed on each person's OKC profile page. Total of 73 profiles listed.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 1:31 AM on February 8, 2012 [12 favorites]

You all are THOUSANDS of miles away from me. I'm doomed to be alone forever. Except on the internet.
posted by iamkimiam at 2:01 AM on February 8, 2012

Yes, distance continues to be a problem.
posted by Eideteker at 2:28 AM on February 8, 2012

Dammit, there's only ONE guy in my age range near me -- and his age range cuts me off by ONE YEAR.

Guys, come on, you won't lose your hair if you go on only one date with a woman one year older than you or anything.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:35 AM on February 8, 2012 [3 favorites]

I can verify that. I'm three years older than my husband, and he has beautiful, luxurious hair.
posted by taz (staff) at 6:09 AM on February 8, 2012 [3 favorites]

(I modified that page I made so that it's in a tabular format and added some javascript so that the columns are sortable.)
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 6:14 AM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

Man, non NYC-ers are totally out of luck, aren't they...
posted by Phire at 6:26 AM on February 8, 2012

Yeah. Someone asked if this gives hints as to where to move. Well, it's NYC, obviously. But I've known that for years because of the meetups and all. Yep, there's lots of cool and available mefites in NYC. On the other hand, there's also 12 million other people potentially interested in them, too.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 6:39 AM on February 8, 2012

What the heck. here I be.
posted by greatgefilte at 7:05 AM on February 8, 2012

Metafilter: OKCupid seems to think I'm really awesome right now.
posted by arcticseal at 7:06 AM on February 8, 2012

I totally need to update my profile, but hey, there it is.

(TinyURL to foil casual OKC to MeFi correlations...)
posted by SemiSophos at 7:06 AM on February 8, 2012

Okay, here's a question for y'all: what do you think of that main OKC-authored test, The Dating Persona Test?

I'm ambivalent about it. I generally don't much trust personality profiling unless it's the Big Five (and MB is kinda fun), but the result it gave for me is fairly accurate (though the description is pretty insulting and pisses me off) and for some damn reason I can't explain, I've developed the habit of—after checking incompatible questions and reading the profile and looking at the photos—going over to the tests tab and checking the results for that test. The description for my result says that I'm most compatible with "The Maid of Honor" and "The Peach", and, well, those descriptions look pretty good to me seem right and experience has shown that the people whose profiles that appeal the most to me very often have one of those two results.

But, damn, there's some result descriptions that make mine look good in comparison. With some of those, I'd expect people to just delete the test or hide the result.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 7:15 AM on February 8, 2012

@ivan - I guess I ought to be added to the list.
posted by modernserf at 7:18 AM on February 8, 2012

shrugs
posted by naju at 7:26 AM on February 8, 2012

Honestly I think the persona test is kind of a relic of the site's original concept, when it seemed like a more hip, slightly sarcastic version of most of the other dating sites out there, so pretty much you'd take that test and it would form the basis of your experience on the site. My finding has been that the way people use the site has changed over time, especially as they presented the option to make survey answers public and add explanations and things like that.

It's not that I don't think they put much thought into it, or that it still isn't a bit weighted in terms of how they match you, but honestly it kind of seems like they could stand to make it optional at this point.

I pretty much never look at the results for that test; I retook it recently and found that it was kind of like it had been when I first took it in that I might answer some of the questions differently on different days, and I assume other people are like that too, so I don't really pay it a lot of attention.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 7:28 AM on February 8, 2012

but honestly it kind of seems like they could stand to make it optional at this point.

I think it is optional, though I'm not 100% sure about that. (I never look at other peoples' quiz results anyway, unless I'm looking for quizzes to take myself...)
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:54 AM on February 8, 2012

I've updated the list with the four new profiles. And thanks to meatbomb memailing me, I removed the one that gman linked to as a joke. (I used a tool to pull the links from the source and while I knew about gman's link and had intended to delete it, I forgot.)
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:06 AM on February 8, 2012

One of the quiz answers you can get is Ghengis Khunt? Jesus.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:12 AM on February 8, 2012 [5 favorites]

Yeah, it's fucked up.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:14 AM on February 8, 2012

what do you think of that main OKC-authored test

It might as well ask me my sign (flashing yellow, if you must know). I started the test, then quit in a fit of exasperated boredom when it asked me if I'd rather sacrifice my life or 10,000 other lives. Yeah, not sure what the point there is.

Which is how I feel about OKC. After opening an account there a few years ago, I gave up on the profile because I can find more people IRL with whom I have something in common than I've ever encountered on OKC. Interesting idea, I suppose, but one designed for hipper places than I live in.
posted by octobersurprise at 8:45 AM on February 8, 2012

these are not my people, and this is not my place!
posted by Meatbomb

I am back in April and will take the next bus up to your kampong to find out what's up and how you doing - would it have been this way in KL do you think?
posted by infini at 8:55 AM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

You all are THOUSANDS of miles away from me. I'm doomed to be alone forever. Except on the internet.

nthing this from even further away than Merrie Olde Englande
posted by infini at 8:56 AM on February 8, 2012

I have up on the quiz mentally when they asked

Relationships require compromise. Whose?

[ ] yours
[ ] theirs

Which I filed away as "unclear on the concept" but that's how I feel about OKC generally. Great tool that helps a lot of people do a lot of great things, but run by the same old young men who run everything else.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:05 AM on February 8, 2012 [7 favorites]

Oh bum. I think I've been overlooked in your list, Ivan, I want to catch some metafilter love, too!
This is me again.
posted by newpotato at 9:08 AM on February 8, 2012

New potato - you're linking to the main profile page. You need to do something like
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/USERNAME

your link just goes to
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/

Which is what you see when you're logged in, but everyone else sees their own profile when logged in... Hopefully that helps, relink with your username at the end of the URL :)
posted by symbioid at 9:22 AM on February 8, 2012

newpotato, that link doesn't work. When you view your own profile, the URL simply says http://www.okcupid.com/profile. Anyone who clicks on it will be directed to THEIR OWN profile. You'll need to add a /username to the end of that in order to make it work for other people.
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:22 AM on February 8, 2012

Damn you, symbioid!
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:23 AM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

I was all "newpotato is impersonating me! Oh wait..."
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:23 AM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

<3
posted by symbioid at 9:24 AM on February 8, 2012

I was also the kid who shot their hand up first in class, in case you couldn't tell ;)
posted by symbioid at 9:26 AM on February 8, 2012

Yeah, a couple of people have posted links that just go to the main page.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:26 AM on February 8, 2012

"Oh bum. I think I've been overlooked in your list, Ivan, I want to catch some metafilter love, too!
This is me again."

But I just found you via your link to OKC in your profile. I'll add it in a second. :)
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:27 AM on February 8, 2012

a couple of people have posted links that just go to the main page.

Which is awesome, because it shows up in visited-link color in my browser, making me think "Oh, God! What if I've already made a fool of myself in front of this person?"
posted by SemiSophos at 9:49 AM on February 8, 2012

Okay, here's a question for y'all: what do you think of that main OKC-authored test, The Dating Persona Test?

I just took it, and it was... dumb. It was sort of typical of those halfassedly accurate personality tests in that there are a few questions that are pretty indicative (do you like wild parties, do you talk to people in crowds, how many people have you slept with, etc) and the rest are just filler. I don't ever take the quizzes because I sort of hate them (although I love love LOVE the survey stuff.)
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:58 AM on February 8, 2012

Man, non NYC-ers are totally out of luck, aren't they...

NYC-ers 35 and over are also kinda out of luck, apparently.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:06 AM on February 8, 2012

(do you like wild parties, do you talk to people in crowds, how many people have you slept with, etc)

That sounds like a quiz to determine if you're Nina Hartley's character in Boogie Nights.
posted by griphus at 10:09 AM on February 8, 2012

So, I took that test, and they think I'm a peach. This made no sense: "For such a warm-hearted, generous person, you’re surprisingly experienced in both love and sex." So it's usually coldhearted, stingy people that are more experienced in love and sex, then? I never knowed that.

I'm pretty peachy, yeah, but more of a pomegranite, really; not quite as accessible as they imagine, and possibly a little confusing once you do get inside.
posted by taz (staff) at 10:13 AM on February 8, 2012 [3 favorites]

Late to the party, but I rejoined just over this thread.
This is now going to throw off the algorithms like what.
posted by msamye at 10:16 AM on February 8, 2012

do you like wild parties, do you talk to people in crowds, how many people have you slept with, etc

Etc., meaning: Do you sleep with people in crowds? Do you like parties featuring bowls of fruit? How many papayas have you slept with?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:18 AM on February 8, 2012

Never sleep with a brutal papaya master unless you're ready for some pulp friction.
posted by taz (staff) at 10:23 AM on February 8, 2012 [9 favorites]

Dump the MotherFruit already.
posted by Zed at 10:24 AM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh man, straight lines waiting to happen

Never sleep with a brutal papaya master unless you're ready for some pulp friction.

Brutal Fruit
posted by infini at 10:36 AM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

Well, it's been several years since I took that test so I don't remember any of the questions. But it still has to be better than a whole bunch of the user-authored tests. I mean, of course, some of them are actually pretty good or at least amusing. Some are just stupid.

On the Intermediate Knowledge Test, I did well but weirdly scored lowest in science, which is topsy-turvy world for me. Of course, on the The Seven Season Buffy Test, my result was "Bought the DVDs", which was disappointingly below "Obsessive", considering I've watched all of the series twice, and several of the seasons three or four times. On the The Your Type of Girl Test, my result was The Art Student, which was spot-on, frankly. Hell, I developed an instant crush on the woman in the photo.

The Kink Spectrum Analysis Test is interesting. Apparently, I'm Green (530 nm), which supposedly means that I'm "probably not willing to try everything, but [I] have quite a few kinks". Hmm. You can probably guess my result on the The Which Karamazov Brother Are You Test.

There's a short version of the old standby, Myers-Briggs, and as usual I'm an INFP. (Though I'm always right on the cusp between F and T.) The Feminist Test, where I scored lower than I would have liked, but not too badly. The Cultural Identity Test is interesting, where my result was The Liberal Philosopher. What a surprise.

And then some vocabulary/usage tests: The BIG WORDS ARE SEXY Test, where I'm apparently a Vocabulary Vixen! and my score is borked because I think I didn't get anything wrong. Finally, we have the The Commonly Confused Words Test, where I guess I got one expert word wrong, dammit.

I do enjoy seeing the results of other peoples' tests. It is true that people are taking the tests less than they previously did.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:44 AM on February 8, 2012 [2 favorites]

Okay, here's a question for y'all: what do you think of that main OKC-authored test, The Dating Persona Test?

Super dumb. I hit the same mental wall when I got to the compromise question. And my resulting persona is "The Playstation." Seriously? Aack. (I get the limits of "pick A or B" personality tests, but OKC's criteria seems so binary when it comes to some core relationship stuff: you're either geared toward love OR sex. I'm sure I'm not alone in wanting and prioritizing both.)

Anyway, this is fun. I'm glad I got over my hesitation (and thank you to the anon MeFite who gave me some tips on adjusting my OKC privacy settings). I like seeing a different side of the people I've gotten to "know" here on the blue/green/grey. Plus it's oddly comforting to see a bunch of cool people out there looking. Hope springs eternal!
posted by Majorita at 10:46 AM on February 8, 2012

I like making all the correct response on the math questions MANDATORY.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:49 AM on February 8, 2012 [3 favorites]

Never sleep with a brutal papaya master unless you're ready for some pulp friction.

Nice. It's like the opening line of The Picture of Durian Gray.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:49 AM on February 8, 2012 [11 favorites]

I've added everyone who's posted their profiles up to now. There's 79 people so far. 98% of them are New Yorkers.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:50 AM on February 8, 2012

Of course, on the The Seven Season Buffy Test, my result was "Bought the DVDs", which was disappointingly below "Obsessive", considering I've watched all of the series twice, and several of the seasons three or four times.

I also got "bought the DVDs" which I blame on the ridiculous percentage of episode name questions. I never paid much attention to episode names, because... why would I?
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 11:00 AM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!
I get it. I think I get it anyway....did I get it?
Thanks for the heads up all.

(and I do impersonate you, Jessamyn, but I usually keep it to private time)

what?
sorry
posted by newpotato at 11:00 AM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

You can probably guess my result on the The Which Karamazov Brother Are You Test.

You see, I would've guessed Alyosha.^* I'm just not good at taking tests, I guess.

^*Fun fact: In the 1958 version of The Brothers Karamazov, Alyosha was played by William Shatner.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:02 AM on February 8, 2012

Okay, here's a question for y'all: what do you think of that main OKC-authored test, The Dating Persona Test?

It's dumb. But, the result it gave me is highly unflattering and completely accurate. So, eh.
posted by Errant at 11:03 AM on February 8, 2012

> Do y'all ever just do a nationwide search for match only and then look at the 99%

I did that last night, looked at "the two of you" for someone 2200 miles away and noticed we hadn't answered that many of the same questions. Answered some and found that my yes answer to "are you a cat person" is unacceptable. Down to 94% now and enemy from 0 to 8%. Ha. Not going to move for a 94%! We are the 99% (matches)!

I've answered over 150 questions and thought that was a lot, but nah, I think the "magical math chemistry" needs more like double that for accuracy.
posted by morganw at 11:22 AM on February 8, 2012

I most enjoy profiles where they mark their own answers as unacceptable.
posted by zippy at 11:30 AM on February 8, 2012

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." So proclaimed Dr. Seuss.
posted by infini at 11:35 AM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

I most enjoy profiles where they mark their own answers as unacceptable.

I've done that! Usually in cases where I'm answering a question honestly and would really like to change the behavior or attitude the question's getting at.
posted by asterix at 11:36 AM on February 8, 2012

Maybe it's just me, but the people who I've actually been most compatible with have been in the 60-70% range. It's strange.
posted by fuq at 11:38 AM on February 8, 2012

"You see, I would've guessed Alyosha."

I find that very flattering. I think that Alexey is more who I aspire to be. Though I think about Father Zosima's words to the woman of little faith, who (insincerely, I think) had just explained to him how she has a dream of loving people, but is put-off by their ingratitude:

"Is it true what you say? Well, now, after such a confession from you, I believe that you are sincere and good at heart. If you do not attain happiness, always remember that you are on a good path, and try not to leave it. Above all, avoid lies, all lies, especially the lie to yourself. Keep watch on your own lie and examine it every hour, every minute. And avoid contempt, both of others and of yourself: what seems bad to you in yourself is purified by the very fact that you have noticed it in yourself. And avoid fear, though fear is simply the consequence of every lie. Never be frightened at your own faintheartedness in attaining love, and meanwhile do not even be very frightened by your own bad acts. I am sorry that I cannot say anything more comforting, for active love is a harsh and fearful thing compared to love in dreams. Love in dreams thirsts for immediate action, quickly performed, and with everyone watching. Whereas active love is labor and perseverance, and for some people, perhaps, a whole science. But I predict that even in that very moment when you see with horror that despite all your efforts, you not only have not come nearer your goal but seem to have gotten farther from it, at that very moment—I predict this to you—you will suddenly reach your goal and will clearly behold over you the wonder-working power of the Lord, who all the while has been loving you, and all the while has been mysteriously guiding you."

He very slyly but gently corrects her insincerity, her looking-for-praise because she's so supposedly tormented by her desire to be a virtuous and generous person and her fear of failure. One gets the impression that most of this went right over her head; but, still, Zosima has done what he can, his words are as true as any words could ever be.

This seems apposite for this thread, in some way, even though the Lady and Father Zosima were discussing Love in the greatest, widest sense.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 11:39 AM on February 8, 2012

"I most enjoy profiles where they mark their own answers as unacceptable."

I know you're aware of this and joking, but of course there are lots of questions where that makes perfect sense.

I sometimes wonder if people understand the basic idea of how those three numbers are calculated. The friend number is how much two people's for themselves answers correspond. The match number, though, is the correspondence of how much each person's answers for their preferred partner matches the other person's answer for themselves. And then enemy, I suppose, is the percentage of unacceptable answers, perhaps in conjunction with the complement of the friend answers? Something like that.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 11:46 AM on February 8, 2012

So, inspirational storytime for those who live nowhere near their potential matches! Everyone get in a circle and get comfy. Got your blankets? Okay. Good.

We were three sisters, and had no experience with boys. We lived at the end of a dead-end street and the only boys around were rednecks and bullies our father didn't want us hanging around. As a result, we tended to see all guys as these magical, strange beings. When we did get boyfriends we all tended to put up with way too much from them before breaking it off because we were so awestruck that they liked us, they really really liked us!

Man, I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and set us all straight.

Anyway, my oldest sister was a square peg in those days. I think, really, she was just too progressive for our little neighborhood at the time we were growing up.

In the pre-ipod days when we all still had static-filled AM radios and 8-track tapes, she was into indy bands in a big way, knew all the lead singers and guitar players' bios, was obsessed with music. Anything mainstream was automatically suspect--people who ascribed to "pop culture" just made her impatient. On the Asperger's side of the spectrum, she wasn't shy about expressing her disdain. She wore her Otherness with a capital O.

A vegan before anyone of us had ever heard the word, she tended to hang out with the artsy theater crowd (which in our town consisted mainly of closeted adolescent guys who desperately wanted to pass as straight just to be accepted during an incredibly intolerant time). Not exactly perfectly poised to meet straight guys with relationship potential.

To top it all off was the mental illness crap that runs in the family (depression, anxiety, etc.), which in her place was compounded by some truly traumatic stuff in her teen years. She couldn't stand to be anywhere near people who drank or smoked, and our little town that was a lot of people.

Plus, when she did meet a straight guy she was interested in and invite him over--and this sucks, and is just one of the warped outcomes when rolling loaded genetic dice--he'd often end up trying to pick up her younger sister. Yeah, that would be me. Believe me, I did nothing to encourage this. These were high-school guys who were 5, 6 years older than me. I took to being away from home as much as possible, practically living at the library.

But I think that's when she got it in her head that I was the pretty one, our middle sister was the smart one, and she was just "The Strange One". And once you do a mental number on yourself like that, it's hard to get out of that way of thinking.

Frustrated, she asked me once if she would ever meet someone "like her." And I, still just a kid myself, thought about it and said honestly, "Probably not, no. Not here, anyway."

Which was oddly prophetic, because then the internet came along, and changed everything.

She joined some alt.net message boards and felt free to open up and be herself. She found other virtual friends who shared her interests, chief among them a younger guy (younger than me, even) who lived in Seattle. He wrote to her, and they emailed back and forth a while.

Their correspondence grew warmer. They talked on the phone. It was comfortable and unthreatening. After all, she figured, it wasn't like it was going to go anywhere. She was in Florida, he was on the West Coast; they were about as far away from each other as you could be and still share the same country.

He told her about all the great bookstores and music shops and actual vegan restaurants in Seattle and how she would love it there. She agreed that Florida suffered in comparison, though she teased him that, to hear him tell it, in Seattle the roads were all paved with gold like the one that lead Dorothy to Oz. They both agreed she really ought to fly out there sometime and see for herself.

And it might have ended right there, as she had never even been in a plane and was even a little afraid of flying. She was fearful of a lot of stuff back then.

But, despite his love for Seattle, the younger guy decided to fly down and see her instead. She was thrilled to spend time with her "good friend". He surprisingly to her, elected to stay on in Florida "for a while". He got his own place.

Over-riding the age issue entirely, he put forth a logical, well-reasoned argument why the two of them should try being more than "just friends." She was persuaded to put aside her built-in defenses. They became a couple.

And they were good together. Mature for his age, sheltered for hers, they met somewhere in the middle.

He encouraged her to go back to college, get her degree. He helped her with the money problems that had plagued her all her adult life.

He even got along with her cats.

She was 35 now. My middle sister and I had been married for years; both of us had started having kids.

She was the Crazy Cat Lady, the eternally-singled aunt. She'd already decided the next time the meddling grandparents asked her if she was "seeing anyone" she was going to claim to be a lesbian just to shut them up.

Reader, she married him that December, just after her 36th birthday.

They are, to this day, the epitome of the Perfect Couple. Everyone who meets them agrees that they fit together like a pair of comfortable old shoes.

They live in Seattle, where she assures me the streets really are paved with gold.

___
*I remember two guys in particular, best friends, who really creeped me out. They came over when they knew my big sister wouldn't be home. On the pretense of waiting for her and acting all nice and big brotherly in front of my parents, the moment we were alone they grabbed me. They managed to kiss me (that's all, thank goodness) before I managed to get away from them and ran off. I was twelve.
posted by misha at 11:50 AM on February 8, 2012 [23 favorites]

What I hate most about OK Cupid is the fucking laundry lists of band names and favorite TV shows. Is it even possible to read through those lists? Call me old fashioned, but I just don't want to pick my mate based on whether or not they think the White Stripes are cool.
posted by latkes at 11:56 AM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

What I hate most about OK Cupid is the fucking laundry lists of band names and favorite TV shows. Is it even possible to read through those lists? Call me old fashioned, but I just don't want to pick my mate based on whether or not they think the White Stripes are cool.

You and I are clearly not meant for each other!

(I tend not to think of lists as criteria, but more hooks to hang a conversation on. They're easy icebreakers.)
posted by asterix at 12:01 PM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

What I hate most about OK Cupid is the fucking laundry lists of band names and favorite TV shows.

Those are designed solely for dogwhistles, as far as I'm concerned. Most people don't seem to get that - or don't know what they're signaling - but every now and then I'll see a profile that's clearly written to communicate something specific. "I like Mercedes Lackey" = "I am a social liberal with progressive ideas about relationships!" "Jacqueline Carey's Kushiel books are the best" = "I am either seriously kinky or enamored with the idea of truly open relationships, or both," and so on and so forth for whatever subgenre you're talking about. It's just a really, really specific channel of communication, so I don't know that it works really well for most people.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 12:02 PM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

Those are designed solely for dogwhistles, as far as I'm concerned.

Yeah, the last girl i hooked up with from Ok Cupid listed 'Secretary' as her favorite movie. It turns out she wasn't just a big David Spader fan.
posted by empath at 12:04 PM on February 8, 2012 [4 favorites]

(err, james spader, whatever)
posted by empath at 12:07 PM on February 8, 2012 [2 favorites]

I find that I feel bad when I see a band/show/movie/book listed in someone's profile and I immediately think, nope, that's a deal-breaker, we're not compatible. Because it really can be pretty trivial.

It's that cultural capital that I keep talking about. For those of us who've invested a great amount of our personal (labor, intellectual) resources in cultural capital (as opposed to economic capital), this is a class matter. That's why those music threads are so heated here.

Music matters to me. I have to work really hard not to be negatively judgmental about someone my age who only listens to popular music from when we were teens. Or just crappy pop music in general. And it's the same with film and books and television.

So, yeah. It's weird because those things can really signal some shared sensibilities and tastes. But they also can really get in the way, causing people to make negative judgments that they oughtn't. My last girlfriend, with whom I was more compatible than I've ever been with anyone, ever, and I are only moderately compatible on Last.FM. Yet, oddly, among my actual real-world circle of friends, we're closer in our musical tastes than anyone else I know. So what does that mean?
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 12:10 PM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

Maybe I'm doing something wrong, because I don't have an enormous media list, just what I'm currently reading/watching/listening to along with a handful of standbys.
I do tend to list my most interesting/defining/conversation-starting books and hoping to make a statement by doing so... Huh. Interesting.
posted by ApathyGirl at 12:12 PM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm such a trend hopper that every time i change my 'favorite music' list, i'm over 90% of it 6 months later. I don't even remember who some of these people are on my list now.
posted by empath at 12:14 PM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have gone out of my way to avoid just having a big giant list of media in that section, because I never, ever read anyone else's.

I used to have "I ONLY listen to rap and country, bitches. DEAL. WITH. IT." but depressingly, no one got the joke. :(

Yeah, the last girl i hooked up with from Ok Cupid listed 'Secretary' as her favorite movie.

I have heard several different kinky people specifically mention putting Secretary in their OKC profiles as a coded way of signaling their kinkiness.
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:16 PM on February 8, 2012 [5 favorites]

"r_n, maybe I should have [you] go through mine and tell me if the subtext I'm putting out there is that I'm a ridiculous douche!"

Oh man, I'd love people's impressions on my profile. =D
But I suspect I failed to make a strong impression on the majority of you. =(
posted by Eideteker at 12:19 PM on February 8, 2012

I find that I feel bad when I see a band/show/movie/book listed in someone's profile and I immediately think, nope, that's a deal-breaker, we're not compatible.

So do I, but then I think how much worse I'd feel if I discovered that my life's soul-mate was a huge Pink Floyd fan.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:20 PM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

What I hate most about OK Cupid is the fucking laundry lists of band names and favorite TV shows. Is it even possible to read through those lists? Call me old fashioned, but I just don't want to pick my mate based on whether or not they think the White Stripes are cool.

OTOH, that kind of thing can generate some amusing Mysteries of Internet Dating Websites, such as the person who begins her profile proclaiming "I'm a huge music geek, so if you're not that big of a fan that might be awkward", and goes on to list as her musical favorites the following: "Christina Aguilera, Eric Hutchinson, Hanson, Britney Spears, The Doors, ZZ Top, Joss Stone, Sublime, Michael Jackson, The Raconteurs, Franz Ferdinand, Fiona Apple, John Mayer, Michael Buble, Mariah Carey, Stevie Wonder, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Marvin Gaye, Queen, The Beatles, Beyonce, Sam Cooke, Beck, Kelly Clarkson, Pink, Prince, Aerosmith, Cold War Kids, Muse, Amy Winehouse, Duffy, Priscilla Ahn, One Republic".
posted by kenko at 12:31 PM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

"Oh man, I'd love people's impressions on my profile."

To answer your question: -. ---
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 12:37 PM on February 8, 2012

So. What does Venetian Snares signal, exactly?
posted by symbioid at 12:54 PM on February 8, 2012

Significang amounts of awesomeness, naturally.
posted by winna at 12:57 PM on February 8, 2012 [2 favorites]

Curse you, iPad keypad. That word should be significant.

Someone should say that their favorite authors are Virginia Woolf and Chuck Palahniuk to bring the two ends of the signaling by books crowd together.
posted by winna at 1:03 PM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

Hmm, I'm poly/queer/kinky girl, so mine may not be of interest to many.
posted by mkuhnell at 2:06 PM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

Hmm, I'm poly/queer/kinky girl, so mine may not be of interest to many.

Hahaha. On MetaFilter? Sure it won't.
posted by Errant at 2:11 PM on February 8, 2012 [3 favorites]

Hmm, I'm poly/queer/kinky girl, so mine may not be of interest to many.

Hahaha. On MetaFilter? Sure it won't.

Even those that shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, and would be laughed at even for think'n't
posted by sammyo at 2:15 PM on February 8, 2012

I have heard several different kinky people specifically mention putting Secretary in their OKC profiles as a coded way of signaling their kinkiness.

Yeap. Tried it. Didn't work. Took it out.
posted by newpotato at 3:17 PM on February 8, 2012

newpotato: I have heard several different kinky people specifically mention putting Secretary in their OKC profiles as a coded way of signaling their kinkiness.

This is just one of the many reasons why there is a desperate need for more high-quality, kink-friendly movies. Another being, "Because I want to watch them."

Anyone else ever wonder if there are infinite kinks out there that you might have if you just knew they existed?

No? Just me, then.
posted by misha at 3:41 PM on February 8, 2012

"Anyone else ever wonder if there are infinite kinks out there that you might have if you just knew they existed? "

I totally have wondered that. In fact, I think back in the day, I made an AskMe asking about that very thing—whether there's likely some kink out there I've never discovered that really would get me going because, really, I don't seem to have any. Which is pretty boring.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:43 PM on February 8, 2012

Sign me the hell up for lonely death.
posted by Pallas Athena at 4:00 PM on February 8, 2012

god damn metafilter people dont be livin so far away, i would be suffocating in awesome nerd ass opportunities if yall wrent so far away
posted by beefetish at 4:07 PM on February 8, 2012

Just in case there is some sort of prize at the end of this thread, here are the top 5 locations from Ivan's page.


New York...............25.35% 18
Illinois................8.45% 6
California..............8.45% 6
Massachusetts...........8.45% 6
Ohio....................2.82% 2

posted by lampshade at 4:45 PM on February 8, 2012

Correction - actually, that got a little messed up.... pasting the new data and resorting did not allow for absolute references. And several actually tie for #5. That is all.


New York...............23.38% 18
Illinois................7.79% 6
California..............7.79% 6
Massachusetts...........7.79% 6
Ohio....................3.90% 3
Texas...................3.90% 3
Pennsylvania............3.90% 3
Ontario, Canada.........3.90% 3
Oregon..................3.90% 3
Australia...............3.90% 3

posted by lampshade at 4:53 PM on February 8, 2012

Logged onto my old and outdated account, and I'm a >95% match with a whole bunch of you. MeFites are good people.
posted by painquale at 4:53 PM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

So, why OKCupid? Is there a reason that so many Mefites are there?

BTW, I met my SO on Match.com in July 2008. Before that, I tried True.com, met one sleazebag that never wanted to meet in person (and I put up with all his excuses for WAY too long), but also got a zillion 20-something guys looking for some kind of MILF experience (I guess that's what they were looking for, anyway, when they messaged a 40-something woman).

eHarmony said I wasn't matchable. Suck it, eHarmony weasels!
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 4:56 PM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

So, why OKCupid? Is there a reason that so many Mefites are there?

It's free, and at least back when I used it (and met my wife from there), the matching algorithms seemed much more complete and accurate than comparable sites (which probably appeals to the quasi-nerdy MeFi demographic), especially eHarmony which used to not want to match up atheists (another key MeFi demographic). Match was a total shotgun approach - you check off a bunch of interests and then search for people based on that. Whoop-de-doo. Their offshoot, Chemistry, was a bit better, but would only let you see three people at a time. OKCupid matches people like Chemistry, but lets you see everybody, like Match. And, again, it's free.
posted by LionIndex at 5:10 PM on February 8, 2012

Hey IF, I need you to take me off of that list. I'm not comfortable with my OKC-only username being linked to my town which only has about 4000 people in it. Can you please take me off of it? Thanks.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:12 PM on February 8, 2012

Unsurprisingly, everyone is hot. Like, everyone is hot! (Well, everyone whose profile is accessible to non-OKC members; I did belong to OK Cupid at some point in the early days of the Bush II era, but I only used it for quizzes till a few shattering weeks in like 2005, after which I never used it again, and I'm sure not taking the stake out of its heart now.)
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:12 PM on February 8, 2012

So, why OKCupid? Is there a reason that so many Mefites are there?

It's also been the subject of a bunch of posts, particularly because of their always entertaining blog
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 5:21 PM on February 8, 2012

Like many of you, I also am crushing on so many of you right now... Ha, ha !
posted by fizzix at 5:21 PM on February 8, 2012

OK, I've cracked – this is me. What a hoot! But what a timesuck. Do those questions ever end?
posted by HandfulOfDust at 5:33 PM on February 8, 2012

So, why OKCupid? Is there a reason that so many Mefites are there?

One reason might be the advanced search (match) options, with which one can pare match lists down into browsable-in-an-idle-hour lists.

I can also use it to play around and see how much I care about particular affinities (to drugs, religion) and attributes (education, location).
posted by zippy at 5:56 PM on February 8, 2012

Well I edited my account, shortened up some stuff but kept the essentials :) YAY METAFILTER!
posted by symbioid at 6:31 PM on February 8, 2012

Anybody know how to delete a photo?
posted by symbioid at 6:32 PM on February 8, 2012

nvm - figured it out.
posted by symbioid at 6:33 PM on February 8, 2012

*sigh* move to the caribbean and party with me! pretty please?
posted by ke rose ne at 8:30 PM on February 8, 2012

We should find some software that allows for a global mefite meet up for everyone who is scattered.
posted by infini at 9:11 PM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

I've been putting off making a profile, maybe I should take this thread as a sign it's time to give in. But only two guys in Chicago? Really?
posted by Bunglegirl at 9:31 PM on February 8, 2012

Great thread. I have some new MeFi crushes - hooray! My mega crush on LanguageHat remains [can you imagine his profile? Swoon!], but Handful of Dust, wow, I gotta say, that's a hot pic. Great hair!
posted by honey-barbara at 9:58 PM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

This thread just reminded me that I wanted to join OKC to meet friends. So here's my shiny new profile.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 10:20 PM on February 8, 2012

So, why OKCupid? Is there a reason that so many Mefites are there?

It's free?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:10 AM on February 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Stupid unavailable single people who live far away and/or also not available for friends.

Do y'all ever just do a nationwide search for match only and then look at the 99% people and find that about half of them seem like the most amazing people and your perfect match and you get all excited and then later find that it's just really mostly depressing?

Or is that only me who does that?

You are not alone. Here in southeastern France, I can't find anyone who gets past two key questions in particular, which I've found odd/sad. I may be paraphrasing this question, since I'm no longer on OKC: "Do you think homosexual relationships are acceptable?" and they answer "no" which is an auto-red flag for me because, hello, my brothister is transgendered, I have a cousin who is unabashedly gay (he'll tell people he doesn't know, outright, flat-out, "I'm gay!" as the most perfectly normal thing in the world, and god I love him for his courage), I have dear friends who are gay... and they are staying in my life. Nitwitted twit-brained twits who think homosexuality is unacceptable are not worth it.

Second key question: "Do you think there are circumstances in which someone is obligated to have sex with you?" Wrong answer (duh): "Yes". Super-wrong answer: "Yes" and they'll only accept people who also answer "yes". (Yeah. I've seen this more than once. Unfortunately, lots more than once.)

Have I tried widening the search to beyond southeastern France (where I live) – yes, that's what I did for years, and it never worked out, which is why I narrowed it down to southeastern France. I want to be able to meet a guy's friends relatively early on (e.g. not wait six months to a year for that to be possible due to distance), likewise it'd be cool to meet someone who would be happy to meet my friends, because I adore them and they would tease him about being with an OMG AMERICAN WOMAN "btw has fraula told you about her, um, cat habit??" hehe.

So, yeah, no dating profile anymore. My blog and Flickr stream are linked in my profile though (I keep it public-safe, nothing terribly personal), and I like cats. Especially their soft tummies. And when they look at you with those kitty-kiss eyes and sigh in relaxation while you snorfle... ERRR, pet their tummy. I would never, you know, stick my face in that soft mass of fluff and just breathe in deeply while listening to them purr, that would be weeeiird. (It smells divine. I mean, not that I'd know.)
posted by fraula at 6:40 AM on February 9, 2012 [4 favorites]

"Do you think there are circumstances in which someone is obligated to have sex with you?"

I answered "no" to this, but added in an explanation: "In the broadest sense, within the context of a long-term exclusive relationship, especially a formalized one like marriage, then the answer is probably 'yes, in general'. In specific, no, never."

One that mystifies me is this one:

"It's your first date with someone you recently met. At the end she/he says 'I think I love you.'"

People that otherwise seem sensible have answered "Sweet" to that. I went with "Scary". I just can't understand how it could ever be anything but plain nuts for someone to announce they think they love you at the end of a first date.

And then there's the question that tells what in my opinion is a trenchant and obviously anti-racist joke and a whole hell of lot of people think that it's racist.

"Have I tried widening the search to beyond southeastern France (where I live) – yes, that's what I did for years, and it never worked out, which is why I narrowed it down to southeastern France. I want to be able to meet a guy's friends relatively early on (e.g. not wait six months to a year for that to be possible due to distance), likewise it'd be cool to meet someone who would be happy to meet my friends, because I adore them and they would tease him about being with an OMG AMERICAN WOMAN 'btw has fraula told you about her, um, cat habit??' hehe."

That makes a lot of sense. In my case, though, until/unless I move to someplace where there's a realistically large pool of people I'm compatible with, I'd like to be able to correspond with some high-matching people from all over, and then see what happens, because given that I don't work, I could easily travel and possibly eventually move for a relationship and would be happy to, actually. Well, I might be less happy if it were some place I don't much like. But, frankly, I enjoy moving to new places and regret not having lived in more diverse areas than I have.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 7:31 AM on February 9, 2012

"Hey IF, I need you to take me off of that list."

Done! If anyone else would like their profile removed from the list, just let me know.

Note that there's no connection to your MeFi username and, most importantly, there's a directive in the headers to keep it from being indexed by the search engines. I'd also planned to eliminate the page in a couple of weeks, once it's outlived its usefulness. Unless anyone argues otherwise.

This was intended to just be an easy way to look at the profiles people have voluntarily listed here in this thread and, with the addition of the table sorting, make it easy to connect to fellow okc/mefites that one might actually want to contact for flirting stuff. Or, just being friendly. I've done both. :)
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 7:54 AM on February 9, 2012

So, why OKCupid? Is there a reason that so many Mefites are there?

It's not PoF.

Really? From most friends I've talked to that do the online dating thing, they've all expressed wanting *some* reply rather than none. I guess I always equated it to sending a resume- I'd rather hear back with a rejection than be ignored completely. But I understand that this varies.

I suspect if they had gotten some of the messages I had when I was there, they wouldn't have responded at all. I had one from a guy who offered to dress up in frilly things whilst doing anything my heart desired; mow my lawn, wash my floors on his hands and knees, you name it it was MINE for the asking. Anything my heart desired! Wisely, I chose not to tell him I wouldn't know how to explain him to the neighbours. His wasn't the only message I got with that particular bent. Nothing against it per se, just not my thing and I was there look for friends which I was very upfront about.

Occasionally, there were discussions in the journals over whether to respond or not, so I decided to try the opposite tactic (respond to every message received) and I regretted it, since some men think that a message back means you want to carry on a conversation with them even though you've said otherwise (Sorry, not interested. Good luck in your search!), an epic reading comprehension fail if you ask me and I came to resent seeing that pink envelope. Every so often there are people who come along with a level head on their shoulders, but all the negative crud I had to deal with? The experience left me feeling rather jaded and I disabled the account.

Or is that only me who does that?

I live in Hicksville Canada and used to do this, but OKC failed Geography 101 since they apparently think Portland is part of Canada. If anything the distance limiter isn't limiting enough for people who live about a half hour from the border.
posted by squeak at 7:54 AM on February 9, 2012

Ivan, its interesting you bring up that aspect of being freaked out at the love word being used way too early in the game as its one that feels like a honking great red flag. Although, sometimes (usually after a glass or two of red wine) I do wonder bout the one that got away simply because I freaked.
posted by infini at 9:52 AM on February 9, 2012

I don't know if I'd want my friends thinking of me during sex unless .. um.. I was there, so to speak...
posted by infini at 10:35 AM on February 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

shameless!
posted by infini at 10:39 AM on February 9, 2012

A little late to the party, but here's mine.
posted by JackarypQQ at 10:40 AM on February 9, 2012

Although I guess this means I should fill out my profile now.
posted by JackarypQQ at 10:43 AM on February 9, 2012

"Ivan, its interesting you bring up that aspect of being freaked out at the love word being used way too early in the game as its one that feels like a honking great red flag. Although, sometimes (usually after a glass or two of red wine) I do wonder bout the one that got away simply because I freaked."

Well, I've felt that I was falling in love, or had someone else express the same, after one-to-several days of constantly being together, with physical intimacy, and only after having already known each other for a long time (years) beforehand. Even then, those feelings were more like that pre-love intense infatuation than actual love. But that seems within normalcy to me, though at the boundaries.

But after a first date? I can't even imagine feeling infatuated that soon. Strong lust, yes. A strong crush, yes. Anything beyond that seems pathological to me.

Greg Nog's story strongly reminds me of something, but I don't know what it is. Something like that happened to me, or I did something like that myself. But I can't figure out what it was. (An "Oh my god, I can't wait to tell X about this.")
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:44 AM on February 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Greg Nog: "I kind of just assume all of them are imagining me giving a thumbs up and huge grin the entire time"

Thumb up *what* exactly?
posted by symbioid at 11:00 AM on February 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yeah but you might wanna first date before you propose, yo!
posted by infini at 11:32 AM on February 9, 2012

It will be hard to not think of my homie Greg the next time I have sex now.
posted by Meatbomb at 11:38 AM on February 9, 2012

"...he was working on some crazy math problem inside his head while we were doin' it."

Oh thank Euler it's not just me.
posted by Eideteker at 11:53 AM on February 9, 2012 [4 favorites]

I like to picture Greg Nog working on crazy math problems when I'm doin' it.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:23 PM on February 9, 2012

Greg Nog: MeFi's own benevolent demigod of sexual potency.
posted by hermitosis at 12:28 PM on February 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Well, I can't comment on OKC's algorithms, but the Match.com one sure worked for us. It said 100% match and it was right (except for that weird thing he has for Kate Bush, but you can't have everything).

I mentioned this thread to my honey last night and he said he couldn't comment on online dating since he was only on it for a day or so. I had put my profile up a couple of days before, then he signed up. Before his profile had even shown up on the site, he was getting e-mails with potential matches and he e-mailed me (that was Monday); by Friday, we were already nookie-ing away and the L word had already been exchanged. That was 3 1/2 years ago.
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 12:50 PM on February 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

I like to picture Greg Nog working on crazy math problems when I'm doin' it.

Baby, I wish I were your derivative so I could be tangent with your curves...
posted by empath at 1:02 PM on February 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

The thing is, I can totally hear the beat for that song in my head, along with the sweet robot voice.
posted by Errant at 1:09 PM on February 9, 2012

"Well, I can't comment on OKC's algorithms, but the Match.com one sure worked for us. "

Back a long time ago, like ten years, I did Match.com, emode, and Yahoo personals. I don't think any of them are very good at actually matchmaking, and they cost good money.

I think that OKC works best through the combination of well-considered matching (the whole thing about both answering for self and answering for ideal partner and saying how important the answer is) and, mostly, sheer abundance of data in the form of many, many questions (potentially) answered.

I don't consider any match number on OKC to be significant unless both of us have answered at least a couple of hundred questions. (And I usually don't look at the intersection number, assuming that the raw number of questions answered implies a sufficiently large number of shared questions answered.)

That's why I hate it when I see someone who looks interesting and has a high match with me and then I see they've only answered like 60 questions. Or, 20. It's just meaningless then.

On the other hand, I had another account before this one and I answered nearly a thousand questions and at some point my matching started to go down with everyone (as it almost certainly would, I think). That's counter-productive because it causes the same perceptual problem as does a high match number with few questions—in this case, I'm going to seem like less of a match with someone than does someone else who's answered fewer questions.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 1:12 PM on February 9, 2012

Greg have you been hanging out with doglaw in fifthworld again?
posted by symbioid at 3:01 PM on February 9, 2012

here's mine to add some more presence in the Boston metro area.
posted by bl1nk at 3:04 PM on February 9, 2012

I've always wondered about the relative proportion of women who identify as bisexual. Seems high, I mean. Is OKC a bisexual woman mecca, or is that just something people think is cool to write, or is that the real proportion if people were to be honest, or do they think that's what men want to hear... makes me wonder, that's all. Me.
posted by ctmf at 7:13 PM on February 9, 2012

I have trouble answering the questions without a long explanation of how the answer to almost everything is "it depends" and some examples. Which I don't do, so I'm kind of done with the questions now that I have some answered as a sample.
posted by ctmf at 7:17 PM on February 9, 2012

showbiz_liz, we are apparently a 96% match on okcupid. CALL ME BABY
posted by threeants at 7:29 PM on February 9, 2012

Actually, the majority of people in this thread are matched >90% to me. Heyo! You are all highly intelligent and sexy.
posted by threeants at 8:34 PM on February 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ok, seen as I creeped on everyone else here's my shoddily put together profile.
posted by pmcp at 8:58 PM on February 9, 2012

I have trouble answering the questions without a long explanation of how the answer to almost everything is "it depends" and some examples. Which I don't do, so I'm kind of done with the questions now that I have some answered as a sample.

As least for me, I treat the match questions as if they were asking about my ideal, fairy-tale, fell-from-the-sky match. Sure, if a guy was otherwise awesome, there are tons of things that I would overlook or just not care about... but the whole point of the match questions is to paint a picture of your ~dream boy~ (or girl) and then compare real live people to that ideal. Like for example, the question "are you an aspiring artist/musician/creative type". I would totally date a non-creative type if he were otherwise awesome, but creative is a PLUS, so I marked my preference as 'yes' and 'somewhat important'. Now that I write that out, it sounds pretty cold and clinical, but whatever.
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:11 AM on February 10, 2012

Operation: Off-Putting Profile is a go.
posted by kenko at 8:36 AM on February 10, 2012

Mine is http://www.okcupid.com/profile/naturalog.

Especially visit if you're an intellectual, single dyke in the Indianapolis area. ;-)
posted by naturalog at 8:45 AM on February 10, 2012

Western Mass represent!
posted by chowflap at 8:52 AM on February 10, 2012

I'm still adding to the page as people link their profiles. All are included except the two people so far who've asked me to remove theirs.

Er, I still haven't gone through the thread looking for the mentions of links to profiles that are only mentioned on someone's MeFi user profile page. And I've not used the MeFi social explorer OKC listing, as that's convenient for anyone wants to use it directly...not to mention that people listed there but not involved in this thread might not like it.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:07 AM on February 10, 2012

I'm going out with a woman tonight I met through okcupid. I figure if it doesn't go well then I'll add my profile as a sort of consolation prize.
posted by Green With You at 12:08 PM on February 10, 2012

I have trouble answering the questions without a long explanation of how the answer to almost everything is "it depends" and some examples.

I do that too, and fwiw I like people better when they do the same.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 12:18 PM on February 10, 2012

Yep. Me, too. Explanations are intrinsically good.

But also because they will repel all those people who have the "he's/she's taking these questions too seriously" and/or "I don't like to read lots of words" and/or "he/she is making things too complicated". All of which improves the quality of the process, as far as I'm concerned.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 12:37 PM on February 10, 2012

Well and sometimes those questions are just so poorly written. There's one of them where the entire text of the question is "Do you prefer...?" And my answer was "Doesn't matter" and at least one of the other answers is "average." I edited in a comment that I had no earthly idea anymore what that question was asking, because it reads as totally meaningless.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 12:41 PM on February 10, 2012

So far, the best part about this has been using all your profiles as a guide to which tests I should take next!
That and feeling really popular. With people who live really far away.
posted by ApathyGirl at 3:57 PM on February 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

One more for someone who doesn't want their Mefi peanut butter in their OKC chocolate.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 4:15 PM on February 10, 2012

I added some mapping and charting of the data to the page (using Google Docs and Table Beta, which is the first time I've played with the latter).

There are eighteen New Yorkers (state). Massachusetts and California each have eight people. Three each from Australia and the UK.

Average age of females is 35; average age of males is 34. But the curve peaks at 29 years old.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 6:49 PM on February 10, 2012

My new hobby: explaining why I don't like any of the answers to OKC questions with long comments.
posted by ctmf at 8:38 PM on February 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Okay. After lurking for so long, I feel obligated to throw this up here (disclaimer: I am very young).
posted by colorless green ideas sleep furiously at 9:00 PM on February 10, 2012

I added some mapping and charting of the data to the page

The new stuff is great.

However FYI.........
Chrome - Insecure content warning for the 3 graphs. I loaded them and it was all fine. Map is fine.
IE 9 - Insecure content warning from and the grid data doesn't load at all. Map seems to double load and appears "stacked" on top of one another.
Firefox - No warnings, everything loads fine.
Opera - No warnings, everything loads fine
posted by lampshade at 10:17 PM on February 10, 2012

(disclaimer: I am very young)

It is blowing my mind how many of y'all are just wee younguns. And you present yourselves so well, I'd never have guessed! Acting all grown up and shit. :)
posted by Meatbomb at 10:29 PM on February 10, 2012

Could be worse. We could be reduced to this.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 1:00 AM on February 11, 2012

In the spirit of Anna Howard Shaw Day!
posted by Lisitasan at 11:14 AM on February 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

Though I've been on OKC for almost six years now, I haven't really filled out my profile, just answered a lot of questions. Maybe I'll do that this afternoon. And get an updated picture in there. (You know, because school work isn't fun.)
posted by Brian Puccio at 11:40 AM on February 11, 2012

"The new stuff is great."

Thanks!

"However FYI........."

The insecure content message had to do with the fact that my website isn't secured but was sending javascript while, in contrast, the embedded Google pages were secured. I did two things, I changed the Google URLs to be unsecured and then I went ahead and divided the map & charts from the table page into their own page, anyway.

I've been updating the table by hand, which is now kind of stupid since I've got that Google Table, as well. Ah, well. I added four new entries (three listed here, one from someone who messaged me directly) to both tables just now.

It's a bit annoying that the javascript is doing case-sensitive sorting on the table re-sorts (I sort the entries by hand in my text editor, which is case-insensitive), but oh well. I'm not going to mess with it. People whose OKC names begin with capitals come first.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 12:37 PM on February 11, 2012

Oh, I see also that Google's Table Beta mapping is being kind of dumb with some city names (most especially St. Petersburg, Florida). It's neat that it tries to automatically derive locations, but it's not very smart about city+state/country. If I combine those into one field, it will get the map correct but then I won't be able to aggregate into state/country because that won't be a separate field. I suppose I could combine them and then duplicate the state/country in its own field on the Google Table, but, damn what a pain.

Well, actually, I've got some CSV tools here (I hate Excel) where I could probably do that easily. But then I'll have to recreate that table. Urgh. I'm not that motivated at the moment. :)
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 12:43 PM on February 11, 2012

Man, I got addicted to MetaFilter at a far younger age than is healthy or advised, and it STILL blows my mind when I see younger posters on here. Like all the AskMe posts that talk about being in high school? Totally trippy.
posted by Phire at 5:16 PM on February 11, 2012

I hadn't checked this in a year so I'm probably going to rewrite everything (apart from favorite books, ha!), but there you go.
posted by ersatz at 12:01 PM on February 12, 2012

>> I have never knowingly slept with a Republican. That's not going to change.

> I wholeheartedly endorse this practice.

How about someone who wouldn't ever date someone who doesn't compost? A close match of mine, less than 50 miles away has that in her profile.

Hmmm.... maybe it's a joke?
posted by morganw at 2:48 PM on February 12, 2012

Hm, I'll post mine for fun. My very few experiences with online dated have made me really appreciate being alone with my cat.
posted by dotgirl at 9:23 PM on February 12, 2012

morganw: based on where you live, I'm guessing it's not a joke.
posted by madcaptenor at 9:26 PM on February 12, 2012

Huh - so after rewriting my profile, and uploading a different pic, I have had, tonight, 1 person add me to their "faves" (and let me know), and another contact me with a couple comments/questions. Nothing major, but... weird.

I prolly wouldn't have changed my profile if it wasn't for this thread. Not sure these folks are quite right for me (in fact, one is in Milwaukee, a bit aways from Madison, alas ;_; )

But it's a start! Yay metafilter threads.
posted by symbioid at 9:30 PM on February 12, 2012

My plans fell through! We rescheduled for Wednesday but in the meantime I added my OkCupid profile to my MeFi profile. I should probably look at all of yours if for no other reason than to get some ideas for mine!
posted by Green With You at 10:37 PM on February 12, 2012

So, I have to ask what the deal is with my profile? Is it me? Also, what's up with the people who messaged me the one day this blew up and never got back to me. Three times in a row? I'm feeling very demoralized, especially with Valentines day coming up. Goddamnit this thread didnt help me at all and now I just feel more unwanted than usual. Maybe it's my long responces.

Maybe this is just the effect that okcupid has on me vs. the efficacy it has for other people. I probably shouldn't have this in my life.
posted by fuq at 8:25 AM on February 13, 2012

(hugs fuq) If it helps to know, you aren't the only one. That profile of mine has gotten a lot of eyeballs, but almost no nibbles, for about THREE YEARS (there's been about two first dates that didn't lead to a second, and a month-long pen-pal correspondence with someone who was a mefite anyway). The only recent activity was an email from a guy much younger than me who tried to flirt with me by asking me to play a guessing game of some kind, and whose email smacked of "I am emailing every woman on the site without any regard for whether we'd get along at all in the first place".

I think the numbers of people for whom this is efficient is ultimately not quite so high as you may think.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:32 AM on February 13, 2012

Yeah, I just deactivated mine. Fuck this. Fuck you all for giving me hope. My knee is all fucked up and I can barely walk and I'm about to spend another valentines day alone and I have no idea what my fucking problem is, in either case. Being bitter doesn't solve anything but sometimes it is unavoidable and sometimes I just can't keep it in check anymore.
posted by fuq at 8:42 AM on February 13, 2012

Maybe all the Forever Alone mefites (me included this year) should do a G+ hangout on valentines day :)
posted by empath at 9:01 AM on February 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

At least most of you are in the same continent as your "matches".

It's kind of depressing seeing all these lovely interesting, articulate people on the other side of the Atlantic...

Oh and who's the mefite from ABQ that looks like Walter White/Heisenberg that keeps visiting my profile?
posted by pmcp at 9:22 AM on February 13, 2012

"Yeah, I just deactivated mine. Fuck this. Fuck you all for giving me hope."

I'm sorry you're feeling unloved. What I'm trying to figure out how to say is something to the effect that the conclusions you're drawing are not valid—for most people, meeting people and attraction and love is all absurdly unpredictable. When we think that we're most attractive and most likely to meet someone, we don't; and when we least expect it, we do. In my 32 years of sex and love I've somehow been regularly both disappointed and surprised. There's so many variables involved in whether or not you'd get messages or even dates from an OKC profile and this thread, it's just not possible to form any conclusions about anything based upon this.

I very much understand how you feel. For me, this thread was very weirdly coincidental. About two weeks ago, I visited my OKC profile and noticed some visitors from Very Far Away and thought, hmm, I wonder why they've looked at my profile...maybe they are mefites who visited my profile because they noticed I linked to OKC in my mefi profile. So, there were two people I decided to write—one of them because she looked particularly interesting to me in the romantic sense, and another who is much younger that I explicitly wrote just in a friendly manner.

Neither responded.

Which, you know, is okay because, as I wrote earlier, I do agree that silence is generally the best way to go on this stuff when you're not interested.

But it made me feel a little bit sad, as of course this stuff always does.

And then, just days later, showbiz_liz posts this MeTa thread. Which was very weird and unexpected. But I thought, wow, mefites are so cool, this might really get me corresponding with someone, and then who knows? And I got pretty excited about it, as is evidenced by my activity in this thread.

Given that I live in the middle of nowhere with essentially no other mefites on OKC who are nearly than hundreds of miles from me, I didn't expect a date, of course. But I've hoped for some 90% matches folk to become correspondents and then, well, who knows. I've messaged, I don't know, about six or seven people? Something like that. Only a few have written me back, and those I'm corresponding with in just a friendly way. One that I really hoped would write me back, hasn't, and I'm feeling that weird "oh, my interest has made her uncomfortable" feeling that I hate (because I have a deep fear of making other people uncomfortable in these sorts of situations).

Anyway, the point is that I've been eagerly checking email and invested more in this than I knew I ought to have. Why? Because that's what humans do. We get lonely, we get crushes, we take chances, we get more invested in the outcome than we would like, we get disappointed and hurt and, sometimes, very happily surprised. Because every now and then, really good things happen. We meet someone really awesome and we fall in love. It happens. It doesn't happen as often as many of us would like. And it certainly doesn't seem to happen exactly when we like—for example, on the day before Valentine's Day, with all its expectations and supposedly happy couples with the spotlight on them. Valentine's Day isn't much fun when you're single and don't want to be.

But, even so, the one thing I know is that whether any one of us is attractive, whether any one of us deserves love and attention, just isn't proven or disproven by how much attention we get in any given situation over any given period of time. It's all so random, you just can't make judgements on that basis. I'm not feeling very loved right now but, you know, I can remind myself that a number of women have fallen deeply in love with me and really and truly saw lots of attractive and admirable qualities in me, and I think most of those people would say most of those things are still true, even though they're not in love with me anymore. I'm pretty sure that I'm attractive, to the right kind of person, and I know I'm deserving of love.

I'm pretty sure basically everyone is.

I'm spoiling the surprise, I guess, but what I've been thinking since yesterday, what I've been planning to do, was to send a little Valentine's Day message to every person in this thread who has an OKC profile and is single or available. I haven't decided exactly what I am going to write, but I've just been thinking that every one of we single people in this thread ought to get a Valentine's Day message on OKC tomorrow. So I'm going to send them.

And I feel bad that I can't send one to you, now that you've disabled your profile. I guess I'll have to send it via memail. :)

Good things happen. They really do. And, oftentimes, they happen when we least expect them. You should leave yourself open to the possibilities.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:36 AM on February 13, 2012 [4 favorites]

"Oh and who's the mefite from ABQ that looks like Walter White/Heisenberg that keeps visiting my profile?"

Me. And probably for when I added you to the web page I've been maintaining.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:37 AM on February 13, 2012

Oops, I accidently elided an important bit in what I wrote and the absence might be confusing:

"'I wonder why they've looked at my profile...maybe they are mefites who visited my profile because they noticed I linked to OKC in my mefi profile. So, there were two people I decided to write—one of them because she looked particularly interesting to me in the romantic sense, and another who is much younger that I explicitly wrote just in a friendly manner."

What happened is that some random people from many miles away looked at my profile, which made me wonder if it was mefites (it wasn't), and then I remembered the social explorer thing and thus looked at the list of mefites with OKC profiles, and then wrote two of those people.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:40 AM on February 13, 2012

"what I've been planning to do, was to send a little Valentine's Day message to every person in this thread who has an OKC profile and is single or available. I haven't decided exactly what I am going to write, but I've just been thinking that every one of we single people in this thread ought to get a Valentine's Day message on OKC tomorrow. So I'm going to send them."

I like this idea a lot. However, I'll probably not restrict it to the singles - because twolightsunderthesea seems pretty awesome. Yes, I know she's MAAAAAARRIED - I'm a straight girl anyway.

Anyway...I kept noticing all these cool things about other Mefites on OKC, and wondering if I'd get any email - but, like the old saying goes, my keyboard has keys too.
posted by HopperFan at 9:47 AM on February 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

Me. And probably for when I added you to the web page I've been maintaining.

Thought it might be. You should get the hat. :)
posted by pmcp at 10:05 AM on February 13, 2012

Anyway, the point is that I've been eagerly checking email and invested more in this than I knew I ought to have. Why? Because that's what humans do.

I think this is it here and why it got to me today. I invest a lot of myself into whatever I write, and I write a lot because I am used to writing a lot. I really like all the mefites I meet and I would love to date one. Things are going so well with my career and accomplishments right now, and I'm in the best shape I've ever been in (well, except for over this summer when I was biking everywhere) but my personal life is fucking empty and pathetic. Then this thread came along and I let myself get excited over the potential. I think personally, I can't take okcupid. I put myself out too much for too little in return and it really hurts me. I know that's the way of okcupid and that's why I can't do it anymore.

I've met one really amazing person on okcupid. We were a great match but she ended up moving out of New York, so really the worst part is knowing that it could possibly work but the devils of chance are directing the play. It's so personal, but at the same time it's random and it's hard for me to deal with on a personal level. I don't want my enthusiasm to be misplaced and to make that investment, but it is like okcupid demands the enthusiasm and pulls it out of me. It's like okcupid is a slot machine one where gambles with enthusiasm. Sometimes you can win but it is random and usually you get nothing. I don't like gambling. I can't keep up that level of giving out. I'm open to possibilities, but they can't come from okcupid because that method of meeting people depletes me and hurts me too much with no results to heal me back up. This is a great thread for people who are able to do okcupid without becoming disillusioned. Unfortunately I could just barely until today when I just broke.
posted by fuq at 10:31 AM on February 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think it's really hard when you have a lot invested in things like this. I always think about it when I'm going clothes shopping (I hate it and wear things till they fall apart then wonder why everyone thinks I look like a tramp.) I have to tell myself on the way to the shops very explicitly "I'm just going to buy some fabric to put over me, I'm not buying self-esteem" and that kind of works.

I sort of stumbled across this OKC thing on here and am looking at it as fun, not even really expecting anything from it - I mostly signed up to see what mefites had to say about themselves/looked like. So I'm surviving so far, involved in some cryptic banter with a slightly mental girl. But I give it about a week before I either give up or turn into one of those guys on okstupid. I feel for you if it's something you're worried about right now, I've been there and it's really hard to shake off.
posted by pmcp at 11:04 AM on February 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

I reactivated mine for this thread because I want to look at y'all's profiles. It's interesting to see the interesting people out there.
posted by patheral at 11:08 AM on February 13, 2012

...one of those guys on okstupid.

Oh my god it's like someone peeled back the curtain on the Great And Powerful Pick Up Artist and it's just a skinny little dude pulling levers.
posted by griphus at 11:59 AM on February 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Fuq, everyone gets up and down, that's the joys and pains of being single! And if your knee is messed up, that sucks and makes everything worse. Remember lots of people leave Vegas/atlantic city dejected but there are often elated winners too.

I thought the deal with OKC was that the mefites just wanted to check each other out but most people live too far or are the wrong age for each other...but would otherwise get along really well IRL.

I think Showbiz Liz had an excellent idea with excellent timing- but just like New Year's etc...the excitement can lead to a bit of a hangover afterwards.

I think if people do send 'all-inclusive v-day' messages, that would be really nice. And don't worry, you're not alone out there!!
posted by bquarters at 1:10 PM on February 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

I agree that this is a really cool thread. I'm just having a bad day today.
posted by fuq at 1:15 PM on February 13, 2012 [2 favorites]

DCMerlin's (new) Guide to OKCupid

After reading Ivan F.'s description of how the Friend score works, I still wasn't getting it. The DCMerlin guide is detailed and as he's independent, he can criticize OKC where he thinks they could improve.
posted by morganw at 7:27 PM on February 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh hey, that's super cool - I'm going to go back through my answers with an eye to this advice. (I wasn't doing anything entirely wrong but he makes some good points about choosing acceptable answers and when "Irrelevant" is really the right weighting.)
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 7:44 PM on February 13, 2012

All-inclusive valentine's day messages? What is this, kindergarten?

(Really I'm not as bitter as I sound.)
posted by madcaptenor at 7:59 PM on February 13, 2012

Late to the thread, but sure.

I made plans last week for Tuesday, same as any other week, until my friend canceled on me when she realized, on Monday, what Tuesday was, and that she and her bf probably had plans. I don't begrudge her that, but sometimes these things come up out of nowhere and poke you in the eye.
posted by fragmede at 12:44 AM on February 14, 2012

FWIW fuq, I could have written your comment word-for-word (except removing the "New" part in "New York"). It's depressing how empty and boring my romantic/sexual life is, when everything else is so rich. I want to share it with someone. I've lived in this amazing new country for 1 1/2 years now and I travel alone. It's fine, I'm really good at it, go me. But two-and-a-half years now of this. I'm ok with being single, but I'm bored out of my fucking mind playing alone. And there's that parental-type voice that tells you "you're bored 'cause you're boring". You know what, I'm pretty damn creative. I'm out of ideas.

Places like OKC give me hope and I switch between periods of renewed interest and complete disgust. I see these amazing profiles of far away people (I'm currently in a very small town with a demographic gap between ages 25 and 50) and sometimes that hope just turns into a passenger train problem* where I can gauge how much time I need to defer this desire by the distance between me and everybody else. Which in my head seems to easily transform into the rate at which it's all passing me by.

Who knew I could actually do math(s) when I put things in my own terms?

*Sometimes I wonder if it's really the trolley problem and I just don't have enough players. Oh, the moral irony of that.
posted by iamkimiam at 1:30 AM on February 14, 2012 [4 favorites]

"After reading Ivan F.'s description of how the Friend score works, I still wasn't getting it."

Is it "friend" that confused you? Because that's the easy one, it's what people expect "match" to mean (how similar their answers are to another person's). It's the "match" that confuses people, I think.

I occasionally come across people I match with highly but when I look more closely, I realize that they must have answered "irrelevant" or nearly so (by checking all but one possible answer) for their ideal partner's preferred answers in many cases.

Looking at that guide, it seems to me that the main problem is that people aren't thinking carefully about the difference between what their own answers are, and how important each one is to them, and how they actually would prefer an ideal partner to answer. And, yeah, you can skip questions and sometimes it's the best thing to do.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:01 AM on February 14, 2012

And this is probably the most important bit:

"Irrelevant means you don't have any preference over which choices your ideal match would select. Most importantly, It does not mean that your own choice is irrelevant! If you really don't have a preference for your own answer, ie: it is about colors and you happen to be colorblind, then it is a question you cannot answer honestly and therefore you should skip the question!"

If it doesn't matter to you, then skip the question. If it doesn't matter to you how your ideal partner answers it, only then select "irrelevant".
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:07 AM on February 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's amazing to me how many questions are irrelevant to me. But if I mark too many as "irrelevant" the little robot comes up and tells me that I have to mark *some* as relevant or it messes up their matching process. Yargh!
posted by patheral at 1:36 PM on February 14, 2012

Where're all my all-inclusive Valentine's Day messages?

*cries*
posted by HandfulOfDust at 1:54 PM on February 14, 2012

"Where're all my all-inclusive Valentine's Day messages?"

Somehow, you weren't on my list. But I sent you one just now anyway. And I'm adding you to the list.

♥♥♥♥♥ Happy Valentine's Day Everyone! ♥♥♥♥♥

PS To all you attached people, just 'splain to your SO that the message I sent was generic and sent to all the people who appeared in this thread.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 2:16 PM on February 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

Where're all my all-inclusive Valentine's Day messages?

*cries*
posted by HandfulOfDust at 3:54 PM on February 14 [+] [!]

That's okay... I didn't get one either.

*sob*
posted by patheral at 3:55 PM on February 14, 2012

"That's okay... I didn't get one either. "

Are you sure? Your link in your comment was broken, but I found your OKC profile linked from your MeFi profile and then I added it to the page I'm maintaining. And I just went down the table on that page and sent the messages. Huh.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 4:07 PM on February 14, 2012

My visitor count is off the charts today. It seems everyone without a date is perusing profiles.
posted by defenestration at 4:16 PM on February 14, 2012

Yeah, I did send it. When I was doing this, I started to worry a bit that this would hit their spam filters, seeing as I sent an identical message to about ninety people. But I figured that I'd get some feedback on it if that were the case.

I just checked and I definitely sent one to you, so if it's not there at all, then maybe the message got filtered out as spam?
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 4:17 PM on February 14, 2012

Yay, I got my MeFi valentine!

I just noticed one other surprising (or maybe not) thing: the person with the highest match score for me I have ever seen* AND the lowest 'enemy' score ever (zero) is... dum dum dummmm.... jessamyn.

Over 2000 miles away and already taken - figures.

*not including profiles with too small a question sample and profiles that were obviously crafted to match everyone in the world.
posted by ctmf at 6:54 PM on February 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

Plus, "Are you likely to get mobbed by adoring fans demanding autographs and photos everywhere we go?" should be a question. Ideally: no. Imaginary strike against jessamyn.

But the "moderate unruly crowds until schmoopy occurs" superpower would be a plus.
posted by ctmf at 7:01 PM on February 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

What's up w/the vodka ads? It's really annoying and a bit scary, because it shows a decline into shitty commercial territory that OKC has been free of. Their new masters are fucking it up, as I guess I expected, but had hoped otherwise.

Thanks for crushing everything good about the internet, capitalism.
posted by symbioid at 9:23 AM on February 15, 2012 [1 favorite]

"Maybe I could live in Boston and commute to Vermont for dating? Or something."
—Superplin

Worked for me!
posted by not_on_display at 1:45 PM on February 16, 2012 [2 favorites]

*sigh* late to a good thread, again. This one isn't mine, but it was funny enough that I just had to share.
Here's mine. First time doing this, so any critiques are welcome.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 5:36 PM on February 17, 2012

You're a 91% match with me! Except wrong country and wrong coast. ;)
posted by dotgirl at 6:04 PM on February 17, 2012

D'OH! D'OH! D'OH! D'OH!
posted by Hardcore Poser at 6:32 PM on February 17, 2012

Adding link to my Mefi profile page. Have we figured out a good way to find mefites ON okcupid through the okc site? Like a sekret word you can search by? Cause the most of you are smrt, and smartness is hot.
posted by waxlight at 12:08 PM on February 19, 2012

What's the penetration (*titter) of OKC for places in Europe like Germany and France? I'd be down for making a profile, but I'm less interested if all I'll see are Anglophone ex-pats. If I'm going to make blindingly hot whoopie with a sexy dude, I might as well practice my German in the process.

Blindingly hot whoopie.
posted by LMGM at 1:29 AM on February 23, 2012

Just a note: as I promised, I've now removed that webpage with the table of all the OKC/Mefites, and all the stuff associated with it (graphs, etc).
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:15 PM on February 28, 2012