"Matt says that garbage grossness does not transfer" July 6, 2011 11:52 AM Subscribe
Matt Haughey of Metafilter and his wife Kay split household chores right down the middle, except when it comes to garbage duty. Does the person taking out the trash have "garbage hands" that are only suitable to replace the trash bag and deal with all matters dirty? Judge John Hodgman decides!
Matt Haughey of Metafilter and his wife Kay split
Crap. I did not see that coming . . .
household chores right down the middle
Whew!
I guess it helps if you read the whole post first.
posted by deadcowdan at 12:20 PM on July 6, 2011 [16 favorites]
Crap. I did not see that coming . . .
household chores right down the middle
Whew!
I guess it helps if you read the whole post first.
posted by deadcowdan at 12:20 PM on July 6, 2011 [16 favorites]
It's a popular french band, Phoenix.
posted by dobbs at 12:24 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by dobbs at 12:24 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Oh man, they cut out the intro where a plumber rang the door bell and I had to bail for 30 seconds. That's what the plumber reference was about.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 12:25 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by mathowie (staff) at 12:25 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Oops. Posted too early. Now I'm at the compost part.
Twist!
posted by ODiV at 12:31 PM on July 6, 2011
Twist!
posted by ODiV at 12:31 PM on July 6, 2011
Ooh, that's a lovely gavel.
posted by galadriel at 12:38 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by galadriel at 12:38 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Oh man, they cut out the intro where a plumber rang the door bell and I had to bail for 30 seconds. That's what the plumber reference was about.
He fixes the cable?
posted by shakespeherian at 12:42 PM on July 6, 2011 [11 favorites]
He fixes the cable?
posted by shakespeherian at 12:42 PM on July 6, 2011 [11 favorites]
Ha it's like an amusing and entertaining version of that Marriage Ref disaster that got cancelled after...
what? It's coming back for a second season?
What the hell Kabletown?
posted by The Whelk at 12:44 PM on July 6, 2011
what? It's coming back for a second season?
What the hell Kabletown?
posted by The Whelk at 12:44 PM on July 6, 2011
I see Matt used the ever tricky "socks on hardwood floors" technique, that's worth some extra points right there.
posted by tommasz at 12:47 PM on July 6, 2011
posted by tommasz at 12:47 PM on July 6, 2011
He fixes the cable?
From the Coen Brother's Sizable Book Of Jokes:
MAUDE LEBOWSKI: Jeffrey, your mother is so fat...
THE DUDE [lighting marijuana cigarette]: Hmm?
MAUDE LEBOWSKI: ...that you shouldn't be her-uous.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:00 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
From the Coen Brother's Sizable Book Of Jokes:
MAUDE LEBOWSKI: Jeffrey, your mother is so fat...
THE DUDE [lighting marijuana cigarette]: Hmm?
MAUDE LEBOWSKI: ...that you shouldn't be her-uous.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:00 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
A friend of mine's ex-girlfriend refused to change out the cat litter. Ever. It was his job instead. Her rational was that she might get pregnant someday and the litter has stuff in it that can hurt your future fetus. I'm all for supporting the crazy, but this woman also worked at an animal shelter and wanted to bring home every cat she possibly could (he won the fight for no new cats, she won the fight for litter removal duties. Think of the children!).
This all said, did I just watch a video of mathowie changing out the trash? Has my life really come to this? This is a dumb case. Of course mahowie should be the one to take out the trash. That's man's work! Now, I am not saying that his wife can't also engage in man's work if she feels so inclined (I am after all a fair minded and evolved individual, but when men shy away from men's work the world will cease to be the place it was when I was growing up. Next his wife will be wearing pants!).
posted by cjorgensen at 1:11 PM on July 6, 2011
This all said, did I just watch a video of mathowie changing out the trash? Has my life really come to this? This is a dumb case. Of course mahowie should be the one to take out the trash. That's man's work! Now, I am not saying that his wife can't also engage in man's work if she feels so inclined (I am after all a fair minded and evolved individual, but when men shy away from men's work the world will cease to be the place it was when I was growing up. Next his wife will be wearing pants!).
posted by cjorgensen at 1:11 PM on July 6, 2011
Of course mahowie should be the one to take out the trash. That's man's work!
This is why I always take out the trash with my penis.
posted by ODiV at 1:14 PM on July 6, 2011 [11 favorites]
This is why I always take out the trash with my penis.
posted by ODiV at 1:14 PM on July 6, 2011 [11 favorites]
'Garbage hands' and the like completely misses the point. An empty, lined garbage can is at maximum utility; a full one at minimal utility. The point of taking out the trash is to return the can to a state of maximum utility, which means it must also be lined. So the chore cannot be considered complete until the trash bag is replaced.
posted by barrett caulk at 1:15 PM on July 6, 2011 [20 favorites]
posted by barrett caulk at 1:15 PM on July 6, 2011 [20 favorites]
Onion skins go in the compost, not in the garbage.
Better yet, they go in a bowl in the freezer to use in soup broth later.
posted by zizzle at 1:16 PM on July 6, 2011
Better yet, they go in a bowl in the freezer to use in soup broth later.
posted by zizzle at 1:16 PM on July 6, 2011
Onion skins go in the compost, not in the garbage.
I think it's time for another discussion about spoilers.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 1:17 PM on July 6, 2011 [5 favorites]
I think it's time for another discussion about spoilers.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 1:17 PM on July 6, 2011 [5 favorites]
Matt Haughey of Metafilter and his wife Kay split...
I read this and immediately thought that his wife got MetaFilter in the divorce.
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:24 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I read this and immediately thought that his wife got MetaFilter in the divorce.
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:24 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I read this and immediately thought that his wife got MetaFilter in the divorce.
I'm not entirely sure who wins in that settlement.
posted by griphus at 1:47 PM on July 6, 2011
I'm not entirely sure who wins in that settlement.
posted by griphus at 1:47 PM on July 6, 2011
Metafilter: Now with slightly fewer bicycle references
posted by shakespeherian at 1:47 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by shakespeherian at 1:47 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I read this and immediately thought that his wife got MetaFilter in the divorce.
Mom got custody but I spend holidays with Dad.
Poor bastard.
posted by Meta Filter at 1:52 PM on July 6, 2011 [6 favorites]
Mom got custody but I spend holidays with Dad.
Poor bastard.
posted by Meta Filter at 1:52 PM on July 6, 2011 [6 favorites]
I don't care which partner takes out the trash as long as they do it right. The new bags should be kept in the bottom of the garbage can under the bag in use, where they are immediately at hand when needed, not in some random place elsewhere in the kitchen.
posted by nicwolff at 1:52 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by nicwolff at 1:52 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Those legs. They're...luminous.
posted by Thorzdad at 1:53 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Thorzdad at 1:53 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I don't care which partner takes out the trash as long as they do it right. The new bags should be kept in the bottom of the garbage can under the bag in use, where they are immediately at hand when needed, not in some random place elsewhere in the kitchen.
I would only grant this in cases where the other person doesn't refuse to take out the garbage, due to a deep-seated revulsion of garbage. If you aren't willing to share in the responsibility, even in theory, then you don't get to be too picky about the rules.
posted by SpacemanStix at 2:12 PM on July 6, 2011
I would only grant this in cases where the other person doesn't refuse to take out the garbage, due to a deep-seated revulsion of garbage. If you aren't willing to share in the responsibility, even in theory, then you don't get to be too picky about the rules.
posted by SpacemanStix at 2:12 PM on July 6, 2011
"This is why I always take out the trash with my penis."
You'd be surprised how often that line worked for me back in the day.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:28 PM on July 6, 2011
You'd be surprised how often that line worked for me back in the day.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:28 PM on July 6, 2011
The Husband takes out the trash, but then he also answers the door and the phone so I can remain cocooned in at-homeness and not have to deal with the outside world. I scrub things in the inside world. It works out.
(Husband does the litter, but only because a few years back I noted that I'd been cleaning the litter on my own for five years, despite his claims of equal ownership in the cats. So he's just doing back-dated litter duty.)
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 2:33 PM on July 6, 2011
(Husband does the litter, but only because a few years back I noted that I'd been cleaning the litter on my own for five years, despite his claims of equal ownership in the cats. So he's just doing back-dated litter duty.)
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 2:33 PM on July 6, 2011
Matt Haughey of Metafilter and his wife Kay split...
I read this and immediately thought that his wife got MetaFilter in the divorce.
That's not nice. Why would you think she lost?
posted by never used baby shoes at 2:35 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
I read this and immediately thought that his wife got MetaFilter in the divorce.
That's not nice. Why would you think she lost?
posted by never used baby shoes at 2:35 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
I heard they only CGI'd mathowie into that podcast for syndication.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:31 PM on July 6, 2011
posted by Sys Rq at 3:31 PM on July 6, 2011
"But the man I love, when he picks up trash/He puts it in a garbage can..."
posted by Rangeboy at 3:46 PM on July 6, 2011
posted by Rangeboy at 3:46 PM on July 6, 2011
1. That podcast was awesome. Have you two since sorted your new trash-taking schedule?
2. My high school had a giant gavel like that. Maybe even bigger. We used it exactly once a year, every year, at Model Congress opening ceremonies. And every year we would plan some sort of crazy ceremony in which the gavel would slide down a zip line, or one student would chase another with it, wielding it like an axe, as 400 kids from Long Island were forced to watch. I was Evil Brina in high school, so one year the freshmen did a skit in which I was depicted fighting another girl for the gavel. Everyone thought it was hilarious. Except for me. Because I really wanted to hold that damn gavel. I never did, not once.
posted by brina at 3:48 PM on July 6, 2011
2. My high school had a giant gavel like that. Maybe even bigger. We used it exactly once a year, every year, at Model Congress opening ceremonies. And every year we would plan some sort of crazy ceremony in which the gavel would slide down a zip line, or one student would chase another with it, wielding it like an axe, as 400 kids from Long Island were forced to watch. I was Evil Brina in high school, so one year the freshmen did a skit in which I was depicted fighting another girl for the gavel. Everyone thought it was hilarious. Except for me. Because I really wanted to hold that damn gavel. I never did, not once.
posted by brina at 3:48 PM on July 6, 2011
Have you two since sorted your new trash-taking schedule?
Yes! We agreed to follow the Judge's suggestion that if this comes up during dinner prep, she doesn't stand there wondering when I will finish taking out the garbage and gets a bag out, puts the stuff in it, and slides it into the can.
If trash is filled at other parts of the day I just take it out and put the bag in. I'm happy with that arrangement.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 4:16 PM on July 6, 2011
Yes! We agreed to follow the Judge's suggestion that if this comes up during dinner prep, she doesn't stand there wondering when I will finish taking out the garbage and gets a bag out, puts the stuff in it, and slides it into the can.
If trash is filled at other parts of the day I just take it out and put the bag in. I'm happy with that arrangement.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 4:16 PM on July 6, 2011
You are putting parts of your body in a dirty area.
That's what she said.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:55 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
That's what she said.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:55 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Judge Hodgman's podcast is one of my favorites, this episode was great. I lost it when he made fun of Matt's video.
posted by clearlydemon at 5:20 PM on July 6, 2011
posted by clearlydemon at 5:20 PM on July 6, 2011
Your wife is a really good sport. I got a laugh when she asked in disbelief, "You have a video of our trash?!"
posted by Houstonian at 5:26 PM on July 6, 2011
posted by Houstonian at 5:26 PM on July 6, 2011
Has anyone alerted hodgman that he's been called out here?
posted by shakespeherian at 5:53 PM on July 6, 2011
posted by shakespeherian at 5:53 PM on July 6, 2011
Well we all know that the kitchen sink is the filthiest thing in the house, but garbage hands are filthy on a psychological/spiritual level.
posted by BrotherCaine at 6:04 PM on July 6, 2011
posted by BrotherCaine at 6:04 PM on July 6, 2011
Has anyone alerted hodgman that he's been called out here?
Of course John Hodgman answered his own askme question.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 6:13 PM on July 6, 2011
Of course John Hodgman answered his own askme question.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 6:13 PM on July 6, 2011
The moment you touch a chicken, you've got garbage hands for the rest of your life.
posted by Toekneesan at 6:14 PM on July 6, 2011
posted by Toekneesan at 6:14 PM on July 6, 2011
Has anyone alerted hodgman that he's been called out here?
Of course John Hodgman answered his own askme question.
John Hodgman is Scott Adams?
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 6:47 PM on July 6, 2011
Of course John Hodgman answered his own askme question.
John Hodgman is Scott Adams?
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 6:47 PM on July 6, 2011
Hey!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:47 PM on July 6, 2011
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:47 PM on July 6, 2011
...are garbage hands like jazz hands for hobos?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:49 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:49 PM on July 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
I love John Hodgman so much that I love Matt even more for giving Judge John Hodgman a gavel.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 7:10 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 7:10 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
The new bags should be kept in the bottom of the garbage can under the bag in use, where they are immediately at hand when needed, not in some random place elsewhere in the kitchen.
For a second I thought that would be a great entry in the "you were doing it wrong" thread, until I realised that a leaky bag would mean you'd have to either wash the spares or throw them out.
Also, you'd have to remove them anyway to wash the inside of the bin. You do all wash your bins, don't you?
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:16 PM on July 6, 2011
For a second I thought that would be a great entry in the "you were doing it wrong" thread, until I realised that a leaky bag would mean you'd have to either wash the spares or throw them out.
Also, you'd have to remove them anyway to wash the inside of the bin. You do all wash your bins, don't you?
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:16 PM on July 6, 2011
Double bag it! Only remove the inner bag when it's full, replace it and you'll cut your "bin" (trash can) washing to a few times a year.
posted by Science! at 7:29 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Science! at 7:29 PM on July 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Has anyone alerted hodgman that he's been called out here?
One doesn't alert hodgman. hodgman knows.
posted by staggernation at 8:01 PM on July 6, 2011
One doesn't alert hodgman. hodgman knows.
posted by staggernation at 8:01 PM on July 6, 2011
I have cut my trash bin washing to a few times a year just by being kind of a slob.
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:10 PM on July 6, 2011
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:10 PM on July 6, 2011
I don't actually touch the dog poo when I bag it, but you better believe I wash my hands afterwards.
Dude. It's a trash can. Wash your hands.
Also, those socks. Really?
posted by SLC Mom at 11:23 PM on July 6, 2011
Dude. It's a trash can. Wash your hands.
Also, those socks. Really?
posted by SLC Mom at 11:23 PM on July 6, 2011
A friend of mine's ex-girlfriend refused to change out the cat litter. Ever. It was his job instead. Her rational was that she might get pregnant someday and the litter has stuff in it that can hurt your future fetus.
Hah. I had a girlfriend who refused offers of help with the catbox on the theory that if she got pregnant in the future, she'd have a whole lot of not-her-turn-to-clean-the-catbox stored up.
posted by hattifattener at 11:34 PM on July 6, 2011
Hah. I had a girlfriend who refused offers of help with the catbox on the theory that if she got pregnant in the future, she'd have a whole lot of not-her-turn-to-clean-the-catbox stored up.
posted by hattifattener at 11:34 PM on July 6, 2011
I have the same damn can.
posted by thinkpiece at 4:47 AM on July 7, 2011
posted by thinkpiece at 4:47 AM on July 7, 2011
An empty, lined garbage can is at maximum utility; a full one at minimal utility. The point of taking out the trash is to return the can to a state of maximum utility, which means it must also be lined. So the chore cannot be considered complete until the trash bag is replaced.
Well put, barrett caulk.
posted by MonkeyToes at 5:17 AM on July 7, 2011
Well put, barrett caulk.
posted by MonkeyToes at 5:17 AM on July 7, 2011
One of the very few perks of being pregnant was not having to clean the litter box. My husband still cleans it now, since he's finally acclimated to not having to wear a *mask* while doing so, and I have diaper duty.
I think it's a perfectly reasonable division of poop, even if one baby does poop more than two cats. Cat litter is seriously gross.
posted by sonika at 8:58 AM on July 7, 2011
I think it's a perfectly reasonable division of poop, even if one baby does poop more than two cats. Cat litter is seriously gross.
posted by sonika at 8:58 AM on July 7, 2011
Episode 31? Man, I need to start listening to these. I figured he'd just do a few of them and they'd end up on his next audiobook.
posted by roll truck roll at 9:18 AM on July 7, 2011
posted by roll truck roll at 9:18 AM on July 7, 2011
sonika, if it makes you feel better, for a while I was in charge of diaper duty, emergency potty problems, cat litter, coop cleaning and dead chicken disposal. I drew the line at dealing with a dead deer. However, with the addition of a dog, I am in charge of getting rid of the groundhogs he kills. Taking out the trash instead? YES, PLEASE.
posted by MonkeyToes at 9:42 AM on July 7, 2011
posted by MonkeyToes at 9:42 AM on July 7, 2011
Someone needs to mock up George Plimpton's Video Trash Lemur next, and really cross the meme streams good.
posted by norm at 11:16 AM on July 7, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by norm at 11:16 AM on July 7, 2011 [2 favorites]
Holy Crap! I have the SAME trash can as Mathowie!
Notice the "tuck" motion at the back of the canister - I have been having issues with seeing the edges of the bag - But the "tuck" move fixes that. I'll try that tonight. Thanks Matt!
posted by R. Mutt at 1:22 PM on July 7, 2011
Notice the "tuck" motion at the back of the canister - I have been having issues with seeing the edges of the bag - But the "tuck" move fixes that. I'll try that tonight. Thanks Matt!
posted by R. Mutt at 1:22 PM on July 7, 2011
HA! You call that evidence? Who knows what he did in the interim between pulling the strings tight and putting in the new bag? At the very least, he had to have turned the filthy door knob. lifted the disgusting handle of the exterior trash can, and for all we know, he scratched his rump on the way in.
Wash your hands already, mister.
posted by BlueHorse at 8:28 PM on July 8, 2011
Wash your hands already, mister.
posted by BlueHorse at 8:28 PM on July 8, 2011
Podcast tip: figure out a way to make sure everyone sounds completely different from everyone else.
posted by gjc at 4:43 PM on July 10, 2011
posted by gjc at 4:43 PM on July 10, 2011
That bag of trash was maybe half full. You're supposed to wait until new trash bounces off.
posted by longsleeves at 10:50 AM on July 12, 2011
posted by longsleeves at 10:50 AM on July 12, 2011
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posted by dobbs at 12:15 PM on July 6, 2011