What is the MetaFilter code word?

December 29, 2009 3:53 PM

The numbers don’t support me but none the less I think MetaFilterians need a code word to “secretly” identify each other.

I was on the phone today with a Microsoft licensing specialist when I suddenly felt sure(can’t explain, not even gonna try) that this person was a MetaFilterian. I didn’t want to come out of left field with: “Hey do you read MetaFilter?”

So what do you think, do we need a code word, and if so what should it be?

posted by darkmatter to MetaFilter-Related at 3:53 PM (293 comments total)

"Friend Of Matt"
posted by The Whelk at 3:55 PM on December 29, 2009 [18 favorites]

I've always liked "are you a friend of mathowie", but I'm not sure metafilter is the sort of place that lends itself to the kind of organized consensus this would require.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:55 PM on December 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

"So, You do .....Favorite?"
posted by The Whelk at 3:56 PM on December 29, 2009 [13 favorites]

In the past the phrase 'Are you a friend of Matt Haughey?' has been used.
posted by jedicus at 3:56 PM on December 29, 2009

I thought it was HAMBURGER?
posted by NoMich at 3:57 PM on December 29, 2009 [3 favorites]

"Tater?"

"Tater."

"Alright, then."
posted by Dumsnill at 4:01 PM on December 29, 2009 [17 favorites]

"Can I fix that for you?"
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:01 PM on December 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

"Do you read the front page?"
posted by The Whelk at 4:02 PM on December 29, 2009

"How would you put a cat in a scanner and why?"
posted by The Whelk at 4:03 PM on December 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

"Can I fix that for you FTFY?"
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:04 PM on December 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

The numbers don’t support me but none the less I think MetaFilterians need a code word to “secretly” identify each other.

It seems clear to me that you've never heard us call ourselves "MeFites"
posted by sunshinesky at 4:05 PM on December 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

Easy. Drop a meme.

"I know I could overthink a plate of beans but...."
posted by availablelight at 4:06 PM on December 29, 2009 [3 favorites]

"First, have you been smart from the very beginning?"
posted by Madamina at 4:08 PM on December 29, 2009 [8 favorites]

It seems clear to me that you've never heard us call ourselves "MeFites"

Yeah. A "MetaFilterian" would be someone who eats MeFites, right?
posted by FishBike at 4:08 PM on December 29, 2009 [8 favorites]

"Have you ever been at the grocery store and the checker was unable to identify a portabello mushroom?"
posted by Jaltcoh at 4:13 PM on December 29, 2009 [16 favorites]

Hurf durf.
posted by sien at 4:16 PM on December 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

Do you drink blue?
posted by sien at 4:17 PM on December 29, 2009

Cortex sent me.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 4:18 PM on December 29, 2009 [14 favorites]

I didn’t want to come out of left field with: “Hey do you read MetaFilter?”

This is called socializing, and is often done out in the wild. Personally, I think MetaFilter could do with FEWER in-jokes and memes. The "in a club" feeling seems stronger and more pronounced to me than in the past, which I do not particularly enjoy. I am also ready to replace all instances of the word 'hamburger' with a blank space using a script.

Hope that doesn't make you sad. Now back to your regularly scheduled buffoonery.
posted by Roger Dodger at 4:18 PM on December 29, 2009 [12 favorites]

Yeah, are you a friend of mathowie is one I've used before too, to great success. I think it's my favorite, but it already requires that the person you're addressing be more than a casual user of the site with some investment.
posted by Caduceus at 4:21 PM on December 29, 2009

I've run into this situation before, usually in IRC. My typical MO has been to ask straight up, "Are you registered at Metafilter?," but no one has ever admitted it publicly. I don't see the harm in asking about it bluntly. It's not like you're asking, "Say, weren't you the guy that started that strangulation thread on Gurochan?" It's Metafilter. No one will think less of you for browsing or posting here. And if they do, well, you don't need friends like that anyway.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:21 PM on December 29, 2009

This is called socializing, and is often done out in the wild.

Out in the wild? So that would make Metafilter...a zoo? Some kind of a game preserve?

We're all really Matt's lab rats, I know that.
posted by marxchivist at 4:22 PM on December 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

Hidden, visible, or lolcat?
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:25 PM on December 29, 2009

operation codeword might not succeed if this thread is going to be indexed. the enemy will just google it.
posted by the aloha at 4:26 PM on December 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

Shit! He's right - we've already said too much. Quick, to Chatsy!
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:30 PM on December 29, 2009

Roger made me too sad to go to Chatsty.

Oh, Roger...
posted by Dumsnill at 4:32 PM on December 29, 2009

We can close this thread up now, right?
posted by cjorgensen at 4:36 PM on December 29, 2009

Can we take a cue from how we spot other Firefly fans?

I wear a Wash moustache and tear-tracked cheeks.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:36 PM on December 29, 2009 [13 favorites]

fnord
posted by cjorgensen at 4:37 PM on December 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

Well, was the Microsoft guy a Mefite or not?

Also my iPhone spell checker wants to substitute "Mediterranean" for "Mefite."

so how about "are you by any chance . . . Mediterranean?"
posted by fourcheesemac at 4:37 PM on December 29, 2009 [4 favorites]

And I wear a jaunty fedora.

Yay, Meef meme thread GOGOGOGO!
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:38 PM on December 29, 2009

I always steer the conversation to the detailed steps required to dispose of a body, with an occasional wink in the direction of the suspected mefite.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 4:39 PM on December 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

"So, do you read Metafilter?"
posted by flatluigi at 4:42 PM on December 29, 2009 [4 favorites]

"Where's the Meef?"
posted by Sys Rq at 4:43 PM on December 29, 2009 [5 favorites]

"So, did you have to look up 'fnord'?"
posted by Dumsnill at 4:45 PM on December 29, 2009

Well, was the Microsoft guy a Mefite or not?

Sorry, I never asked it was a business call. That is why I'm looking for a code word we could casually drop in a conversation.

It seems clear to me that you've never heard us call ourselves "MeFites"

I have. I like MetaFilterian. No harm trying.
posted by darkmatter at 4:46 PM on December 29, 2009

Do you like pancakes? I really like pancakes. *wink* *wink*
posted by terrapin at 4:48 PM on December 29, 2009 [5 favorites]

Inquirer: Hello. Meine dispatcher says there's something wrong mitt deine kabel.

Inquiree: Yeah, come on in. I'm not really sure exactly what's really wrong with the cable.

Inquirer: Zat's why they sent me. I am an expert.

There, how's that?
posted by rudster at 4:51 PM on December 29, 2009 [3 favorites]

MetaFilterians need a code word to “secretly” identify each other

Seriously, it's a cool site and lots of great social times to be had with other members, but this smacks of an incestuous, NO OTHERS ALLOWED, in- group that I don't think is healthy to the general spirit of the community.

We're supposed to be having fun. We're supposed to having such good and awesome fun that others want to join us having such great fun and we want to share all this wonderful fun, 'cause hey, the more the merrier right? There's not a single goddamn reason for a secret this or that, just socialize and be human and it's all good. That's what any decent viking would do.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:51 PM on December 29, 2009 [7 favorites]

Metafilter: That's what any decent viking would do.
posted by Dumsnill at 4:54 PM on December 29, 2009

Wow, honestly I thought we'd made "friend of Matt Haughey" official. I've used it to get into meetups before.
posted by Doublewhiskeycokenoice at 4:56 PM on December 29, 2009

There's not a single goddamn reason for a secret...

That was not my intention. I just didn't want to blurt out in the middle of a business call "hey stranger do read MetaFilter? And, oh by the way I'm not at all strange thank very much."
posted by darkmatter at 4:57 PM on December 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

I still think a carefully whispered "tater?" is the way to go.
posted by Dumsnill at 5:00 PM on December 29, 2009 [4 favorites]

Wow, honestly I thought we'd made "friend of Matt Haughey" official. I've used it to get into meetups before.

At a meetup I wouldn't have problem with that. I just don't want to look like a loon.
posted by darkmatter at 5:02 PM on December 29, 2009

Before we begin, please listen to some personal messages: Jean has a long moustache; there is a fire at the insurance agency; grandma is eating our sweets; Uncle John is in the gardens.
posted by Abiezer at 5:03 PM on December 29, 2009

Do you have cameras?
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 5:05 PM on December 29, 2009

Blue hankie on the right = wants to comment
blue hankie on the left = want to post
green hankie on the right = answers questions
green hankie on the left = asks questions
white hankie = "hiring"
black hankie = "musical"
grey hankie on the right = Flaming out
grey hankee on the left = Piling on.
posted by The Whelk at 5:07 PM on December 29, 2009 [97 favorites]

At a meetup I wouldn't have problem with that. I just don't want to look like a loon.

I really don't get the skittishness. We're talking about Metafilter here. Worst case scenario:

"So, yeah, concerning the documents I sent you, I'd rather you review them sooner than tater."

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, sorry, I just thought you referenced a Metafilter meme."

"What's Metafilter?"

"It's like a community blog where people make posts about things they found on the internet that they think are interesting."

"Huh. Alright. Well, I may check that out. Anyway, about those documents ..."
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 5:07 PM on December 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ohhh! So often I see a comment on Consumerist and then see the same comment almost verbatim on a post here. Once a week, almost, and I think about MeMailing the person and saying "Hmmm, are you so and so on X site?"

But I don't because I feel like that would be creepy. Stalkerish. I might react to stuff differently on other sites than I do here, and I use different names on different sites for that reason. I don't want to be 'outed' so I don't do it to others.
posted by bunnycup at 5:09 PM on December 29, 2009

I always do the same thing: queue up O Fortuna on my boombox, stare directly into the person's eyes, and start crying blood.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 5:09 PM on December 29, 2009 [12 favorites]

Tater is the shibboleth. But only softcore taters on first meetings. Anybody tries to hardcore tater me right off the bat is being awfully presumptive. I want like a dinner or something first.

I am goofily pleased to see that the spell checker knows hardcore but not softcore.
posted by Babblesort at 5:12 PM on December 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

Sorry - you might have a little quonsar on you...
posted by plinth at 5:14 PM on December 29, 2009 [5 favorites]

"So, yeah, concerning the documents I sent you, I'd rather you review them sooner than tater."

All right meow. Hand over your license and registration.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 5:16 PM on December 29, 2009 [4 favorites]

"What's your opinion on the MetaFilter secret code phrase issue?"
posted by lore at 5:23 PM on December 29, 2009 [5 favorites]

Query: "I am a traveler from the Green, seeking cat-names and mix-tapes."

Response: "I am a traveler from the Grey, I bring poultry fornication and the true meaning of taters."
posted by CKmtl at 5:28 PM on December 29, 2009 [21 favorites]

Sorry - you might have a little quonsar on you...

I like that. How about we modify it. As an aside "Quonsar that. This computer is giving me problems" or "Quonsar that, the phone keeps ringing." "Quonsar that" being the code word. It almost sounds like a real phrase.
posted by darkmatter at 5:29 PM on December 29, 2009

"Do you know Matt Haughey?"

That works fine, I'd think.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 5:39 PM on December 29, 2009

"did you participate in the balloon boy thread?"

. . .

[hangs head]

. . .

"yes, nice to meet you friend"
posted by Think_Long at 5:45 PM on December 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

Roger Dodger: "Now back to your regularly scheduled buffoonery."

I SAY GOOD FELLOW! IF YOU WERE TO DISPOSE OF A CORPSE, WOULD YOU PULVERIZE THE TEETH?

* waggling of eyebrows *

INDEED! ONCE THAT TASK HAD BEEN COMPLETED I WOULD BURN OFF FINGERPRINTS AND DISFIGURE THE FACE!

* nodding *
posted by boo_radley at 5:52 PM on December 29, 2009 [13 favorites]

Can't believe no one else said it: 'There is no Cabal.'

or

'Can I Buy You a Banjo?'
posted by Hardcore Poser at 5:52 PM on December 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'm always afraid of using codewords.

"Are you a friend of Matt Haughey?"
"No, I'm not gay, if that's what you're asking."
"No you don't understand. Like... are you a MeFite?"
"NO. My wife and I aren't into swinger parties."
"Metafilter. It's a website."
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SCAT FETISH"
posted by naju at 5:52 PM on December 29, 2009 [26 favorites]

I've asked people outright "do you read Metafilter" or "are you on Metafilter." Then again, that is face to face, over the phone in a work setting maybe is odd. I guess if one were fishing, mentioning overthinking a plate of beans would be easy enough to work into almost any biz or non-biz conversation.
posted by vrakatar at 5:56 PM on December 29, 2009

I've thought about this, because I am sure I've run into the two (that I know of) in my 'hood, especially Mr. MoonPie. Maybe if I were at the SizEx breakfast bar I could mention taters, or while figuring out parts and pieces at Fragers's, I could sigh and say what a plate of beans I was making out of the project. There are ways to work in the pinstripes and fedora, too; at the dry cleaner's, maybe. Or if someone in a store says "that's 20 bucks" ... well, maybe not.
posted by jgirl at 5:56 PM on December 29, 2009

SWEATER STUFFERS
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:02 PM on December 29, 2009

"When you get pulled over by the cops, what pen do you use to sign the ticket?"
posted by jeffamaphone at 6:09 PM on December 29, 2009 [6 favorites]

I like Moon Pies, too.
posted by jgirl at 6:13 PM on December 29, 2009

I like Moon Pies, too.

They're better when you refrigerate them for a day. They lose that cardboard taste.
posted by jeffamaphone at 6:16 PM on December 29, 2009

Oolong.
posted by norm at 6:18 PM on December 29, 2009

"Sixcolors sent me."
posted by jbickers at 6:21 PM on December 29, 2009 [10 favorites]

"Sixcolors sent me."

THIS.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:25 PM on December 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

I go fishing by saying "Oh, that reminds me of something I read on Metafilter!" (It doesn't actually have to be - anything can remind you of anything, right?)

So far everyone's only said "Wha?" but I fully expect someone some day to light up with recognition.

(I mean, I've only been lurking for like ten years, it probably just takes time, right?)
posted by ErikaB at 6:32 PM on December 29, 2009

I don't think I've ever suspected someone IRL of being a MeFite (and more than once been surprised with the fact) but I often suspect a given MeFite of being someone I know in that it sounds like just something someone I know would say. Then I check out their profile, or a few other comments, and confirm that, no, it isn't that person.

But I'm watching you. Oh yes.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 6:37 PM on December 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

I like Moon Pies, too.

They're better when you refrigerate them for a day. They lose that cardboard taste.

Well, I'm talking about the ice cream sandwiches that I get at Yes market. I think it's rice ice cream.
posted by jgirl at 6:41 PM on December 29, 2009

Hardcore Poser: "Can't believe no one else said it: 'There is no Cabal.'"

Kids today. No sense of history.
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:44 PM on December 29, 2009

METAFILTER tattooed across my forehead has simplified this for me.
posted by Jon-o at 6:54 PM on December 29, 2009 [3 favorites]

"So, did you have to look up 'fnord'?"

Fuck, I had to look up "fnord" and I made the joke.

Related: google "illuminati+code+word" and you get more results than I would have ever imagined.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:05 PM on December 29, 2009

"faved"
posted by telstar at 7:08 PM on December 29, 2009

There is someone I know who is seemingly a typical mefite. I adore him, he's lovely, articulate, brilliant, constantly curious, very interested in current political events, loves a great debate. He often posts things on his facebook soon after they hit the front page. Once, I floated the, "Hey, I saw that on Metafilter...". And he responded with, "Oh, yeah that website...". I suspect he is already here, lurking, or under some anonymous name. He is openly all over the web elsewhere, so I don't know why he is hiding. OR, or and this is a bit inconceivable to me, that he swung by Metafilter AND DOESN'T LIKE IT!!!
posted by typewriter at 7:21 PM on December 29, 2009

"My broker is Todd Lokken"
posted by docpops at 7:24 PM on December 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

Personally, I just wear my "Please Hope Me" shirt every day. I rarely wash it, so it tends to work fine over the phone as well.
posted by brundlefly at 7:30 PM on December 29, 2009 [4 favorites]

"Drama Queen"
posted by WinnipegDragon at 7:30 PM on December 29, 2009

"I don't care how horny you are." she said "Get out of my house."
posted by Eideteker at 7:38 PM on December 29, 2009

I actually said "Flag it and move on" to my husband the other day. And he doesn't even read MetaFilter!
posted by Sidhedevil at 7:40 PM on December 29, 2009 [14 favorites]

Kids today. No sense of history.

Yes. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to - oh, fuck it. They're just condemned.

No access to PornoMe for you, Hardcore Poser!
posted by the Cabal at 7:42 PM on December 29, 2009

Q: "How much is that tater?"
A: "$20, same as in town."
posted by white_devil at 7:48 PM on December 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

Q: "Would you like fries with that?"
A: "Take it to the green"
posted by blue_beetle at 7:51 PM on December 29, 2009

I was on the phone today with a Microsoft licensing specialist when I suddenly felt sure(can’t explain, not even gonna try) that this person was a MetaFilterian.

how I wish you did try to explain what this feeling was! I want to know this feeling, or at least cultivate this... this extrasensory perception! within myself, so I can figure out who will understand me when I start talking about reading items via "this web-based community web-log.... thing..ee...uhm..er"
posted by NikitaNikita at 7:52 PM on December 29, 2009

I also want some sort of mental nerd-dar to go off if I am talking to someone who will understand what it means to have internet friends/acquaintances/buddies or to "know" people from the internet.
posted by NikitaNikita at 7:56 PM on December 29, 2009 [3 favorites]

> THIS.

This.

I propose "This" as the codeword. It can't possibly sound more innocuous to those not in the know.

As an added advantage, it allows those who participate through sockpuppets to remain pseudonymous while being able to identify the people in the room most likely to blow their cover.
posted by ardgedee at 8:00 PM on December 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

Anyway, code words are for chumps. Secret handshakes and signs are where it's at.

*Drops pants. Wipes front to back. Standing. With a monkey.*
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 8:03 PM on December 29, 2009 [3 favorites]

how I wish you did try to explain what this feeling was!

Sorry, NSA rules of engagement prevent me from even discussing this. I've already said too much. Try real hard to forget.
posted by darkmatter at 8:04 PM on December 29, 2009

"I, for one, welcome our new shmoopy portobello plate of beans plo chops cooter counter SILENCED ALL MY LIFE pancakes fedora overlords. Surely this will wendell GRAR we have cameras? the. what"

(uncomprehending stranger backs away slowly)
posted by waraw at 9:00 PM on December 29, 2009 [12 favorites]

"How's it going?"

(MeFites response) "Just another cog in the machine."
posted by Taft at 9:44 PM on December 29, 2009

I see MeFites on Soulseek all the time.
posted by dunkadunc at 9:56 PM on December 29, 2009

"Type type, flag flag, wink wink, nudge nudge, say n'more!"
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:07 PM on December 29, 2009

OK. But something simple. No code prefixes or anything....
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 10:10 PM on December 29, 2009

Say, "Nanoo nanoo," while holding your hand up with the "live long and prosper" Spock sign. Works every time.
posted by not_on_display at 10:12 PM on December 29, 2009

Do we need a code word? Eh... probably not.

Do we need a safe word? Good god yes.
posted by koeselitz at 10:39 PM on December 29, 2009 [12 favorites]

Mike Echo Foxtrot India
posted by infinitewindow at 10:41 PM on December 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

darkmatter: ... I think MetaFilterians need a code word to “secretly” identify each other... I was on the phone today with a Microsoft licensing specialist when I suddenly felt sure(can’t explain, not even gonna try) that this person was a MetaFilterian. I didn’t want to come out of left field with: “Hey do you read MetaFilter?” So what do you think, do we need a code word, and if so what should it be?”

Actually, you may not have realized this, but we already have a system for just this purpose. We don't technically use a code word; we realized that it'd just be easier if people who aren't Metafilter users have a phrase by which they identify themselves to each other, so we just know that, if someone uses that phrase, they're not a Mefite.

Oddly enough, the non-Mefite passphrase is: "Hi! I'm a Microsoft Licensing Specialist!"
posted by koeselitz at 10:45 PM on December 29, 2009 [3 favorites]

After seeing one another around Ask, NikitaNikita and I realized we'd met in the flesh (in fact, Mr. WanKenobi knows her from angsty high school days), but only about six months after we exchanged a bunch of MeMails about, like, tights and stockings and stuff. I almost wish we'd realized it in person. Lord knows that I end up mumbling stuff about metafilter in enough conversations, and that no one ever knows what I'm talking about.

"So there was a discussion about poop habits on this internet community I'm on. Metafilter? It's like a message board? Sort of? Anyway, poop habits . . . "
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 10:54 PM on December 29, 2009

Oh, and I once tried to call an acquaintance on reading metafilter because he seemed to reblog stuff from the Front Page constantly, but he insisted that he only reads metafilter in rss and actually stumbled across most of the links himself. But that "maybe he'd look at the comments sometime."

That was annoying.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 10:57 PM on December 29, 2009

Blue rhinoceros triangle.

Shit wrong site. I didn't say anything.
posted by LarryC at 11:04 PM on December 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

"Ever gone drinking with invisible friends?"
posted by Pronoiac at 12:09 AM on December 30, 2009

Yeah, I just mention MetaFilter in conversation and pretty much have been since I started reading it. Only a few people have actually known about MetaFilter.
posted by Kattullus at 12:57 AM on December 30, 2009

I have a little Metafilter sticker on the windshield of my car. Whenever I get pulled over, I just point at it; invariably, the cop winks and tears up the ticket on the spot.
posted by koeselitz at 2:59 AM on December 30, 2009 [3 favorites]

To be honest, I know a few people who are here in real life, but most of my friends and family don't come here, so they tend to refer to Metafilter as "that web site you're on," as in "so, are you still spending twelve hours a day on that web site you're on?"
posted by koeselitz at 3:03 AM on December 30, 2009

With this news and this comment, FOM no longer stands for "Friend Of Matt"...
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:03 AM on December 30, 2009

This is called socializing, and is often done out in the wild. Personally, I think MetaFilter could do with FEWER in-jokes and memes. The "in a club" feeling seems stronger and more pronounced to me than in the past, which I do not particularly enjoy.

It's us or them fella, make your pick.
posted by biffa at 4:20 AM on December 30, 2009

Simply offer the other person a grilled cheese sandwich and watch their reaction: you're looking for lust or physical violence. Hunger just means you now owe them lunch.
posted by metaBugs at 4:22 AM on December 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

bunnycup: "Ohhh! So often I see a comment on Consumerist and then see the same comment almost verbatim on a post here. Once a week, almost, and I think about MeMailing the person and saying "Hmmm, are you so and so on X site?"

But I don't because I feel like that would be creepy. Stalkerish. I might react to stuff differently on other sites than I do here, and I use different names on different sites for that reason. I don't want to be 'outed' so I don't do it to others"

Thanks. One time I was in a debate on Consumerist and I posted an AskMe question and some dude called me out and linked the threads, feeling all smug and detective-ish. There's a reason I use different screen names on both sites.

I've only met one Mefite in person and in that case I just yelled across the parking lot "HEY PJERN!" It worked.
posted by IndigoRain at 5:24 AM on December 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

Much like people who don't care for food that touches on the plate, I like to keep all my human interactions separate. I don't like seeing coworkers outside of work, and I don't like having one set of friends meet another set.

This leads to me doing a lot of dancing around questions about internet activity with people. 'Are you on facebook?' they say, and I say 'oh, not really, I couldn't understand how to use it.' This is a foolproof piece of dissemblage, as no one with any manners wants to make someone feel dumb, so they drop it. Anything more exotic than facebook I simply give a blank stare and say, 'No, what is that?'

So if someone were to ask me if I was a friend of mathowie out in the three-dimensional lands, I would totally fake ignorance. Even if I were wearing a t-shirt from our Metafilterian store, a blank look would adorn my mug on being asked if I were a MeFite.

I know this is a serious weird issue of mine, and probably has no relevance to anyone else.
posted by winna at 6:46 AM on December 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

"your mileage may vary"

"I am a doctor but not your doctor"
posted by chasles at 6:52 AM on December 30, 2009

We just changed the secret password.

The new password is: "Mathowie is horny again."
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:58 AM on December 30, 2009 [3 favorites]

Problem is that they are all frightfully alone.

I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.
posted by winna at 6:59 AM on December 30, 2009

In the middle of a conversation, I just casually drop the phrase "Well, you know, in the name of the most holy and individual Trinity: Be it known to all, and every one whom it may concern, or to whom in any manner it may belong, That for many Years past, Discords and Civil Divisions being stir'd up in the Roman Empire, which increas'd to such a degree, that not only all Germany, but also the neighbouring Kingdoms, and France particularly, have been involv'd in the Disorders of a long and cruel War: And in the first place, between the most Serene and most Puissant Prince and Lord, Ferdinand the Second, of famous Memory, elected Roman Emperor, always August, King of Germany, Hungary, Bohemia, Dalmatia, Croatia, Slavonia, Arch-Duke of Austria, Duke of Burgundy, Brabant, Styria, Carinthia, Carniola, Marquiss of Moravia, Duke of Luxemburgh, the Higher and Lower Silesia, of Wirtemburg and Teck, Prince of Suabia, Count of Hapsburg, Tirol, Kyburg and Goritia, Marquiss of the Sacred Roman Empire, Lord of Burgovia, of the Higher and Lower Lusace, of the Marquisate of Slavonia, of Port Naon and Salines, with his Allies and Adherents on one side; and the most Serene, and the most Puissant Prince, Lewis the Thirteenth, most Christian King of France and Navarre, with his Allies and Adherents on the other side. And after their Decease, between the most Serene and Puissant Prince and Lord, Ferdinand the Third, elected Roman Emperor, always August, King of Germany, Hungary, Bohemia, Dalmatia, Croatia, Slavonia, Arch-Duke of Austria, Duke of Burgundy, Brabant, Styria, Carinthia, Carniola, Marquiss of Moravia, Duke of Luxemburg, of the Higher and Lower Silesia, of Wirtemburg and Teck, Prince of Suabia, Count of Hapsburg, Tirol, Kyburg and Goritia, Marquiss of the Sacred Roman Empire, Burgovia, the Higher and Lower Lusace, Lord of the Marquisate of Slavonia, of Port Naon and Salines, with his Allies and Adherents on the one side; and the most Serene and most Puissant Prince and Lord, Lewis the Fourteenth, most Christian King of France and Navarre, with his Allies and Adherents on the other side: from whence ensu'd great Effusion of Christian Blood, and the Desolation of several Provinces...."

If they nod knowingly, they're good.
posted by nicepersonality at 7:03 AM on December 30, 2009 [10 favorites]

Haven't been to a meetup yet, but I know how I want to respond to, "Are you a friend of Matt Haughey?"

"No. I am an ambassador from Moot. We require mediation after your 'The J'aime le GIF' post."
posted by cimbrog at 7:12 AM on December 30, 2009

I wish I could actually favorite nicepersonality's post with a unicorn or a narwhal, because it is that fantastic.

Should we not all have the Treaty of Westphalia memorized? Is it not our solemn duty and privilege?
posted by winna at 7:14 AM on December 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

IndigoRain: I've only met one Mefite in person and in that case I just yelled across the parking lot "HEY PJERN!" It worked.

I ran into The Great Big Mulp on the street one day and was all like: "Hey, are you The Great Big Mulp?" And he was. And a couple of months later I ran into him when he was enjoying a beer on the patio of a brewpub and he invited me to join him and his friend and we had a number of beers together and now we're friends.
posted by Kattullus at 7:45 AM on December 30, 2009

I more often have the problem of mentioning MetaFilter to someone not ON MetaFilter in the context of "Oh, how did you hear about us?" when I get a recommendation from AskMe - "Well... there's this internet site..." and people's eyes glaze over.

Anyhow, I'm pretty direct and would just go straight to "So, do you MetaFilter?" if I ever suspected someone was a fellow passenger in the longboat. Hasn't happened to me yet.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 7:45 AM on December 30, 2009

I more often have the problem of mentioning MetaFilter to someone not ON MetaFilter in the context of "Oh, how did you hear about us?" when I get a recommendation from AskMe - "Well... there's this internet site..." and people's eyes glaze over.

My dentist (or, I guess, dental hygenist? She works at the dentist office and does stuff to my teeth, that's the key thing) started making random small talk a few months back when I had my first appointment at that office, and Metafilter came up in a "so what do you do?" context.

And she has consistently asked about how the site is going and tried to puzzle a little more out about how it works and what it's like on every subsequent visit. And I've got kind of the same thing going on with the guy at the diner where I get breakfast sometimes. Me there with my laptop at nine in the morning, eating pancakes and scowling at the screen occasionally, him topping off my coffee and I think chewing on the question of how on earth this is my job.

I think there's something about "yeah, I work on the internet, no, no, I work from home" that transforms Story About Website to Story About Interesting Job that lets me sort of cheat at this kind of interaction.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:57 AM on December 30, 2009 [3 favorites]

I once saw someone checking MetaFilter on their laptop in a cafe I used to go to all the time here in town. In my head I was all OMG YOU READ METAFILTER I READ METAFILTER TOO OMG but I was too shy to actually say anything. Plus then I would have had to admit I was totally reading over their shoulder.
posted by mothershock at 7:58 AM on December 30, 2009

Last night I got a text from a number I didn't recognize. The comment could have been from almost anyone but the ensuing conversation didn't provide any details about who the person was. The texter made reference to the carolingian miniscule, Richard Posner, and hipsters. And I immediately thought: "Mefite!" So I decided to bait the person with a comment about banjos and fedoras. Nothing. No taters. No mention of mods. No "is my husband trying to kill me?" No admission that his/her username was Anonymous. Nothing even remotely MeFi. Only a vague reference to secured transactions and Deliverance. (I still sort of thought it might have been *s.)

But, to be quite frank, there are plenty of people I would not want on MetaFilter - and I consider many of them close friends and family. I'm often curious if they've ever seen the site. But I'd hate to ask someone, "Hey do you read Metafilter?" and inadvertently introduce them to the site, when they were just interested in showing up to find out how babby is formed. It's like inviting someone to a party, only to find out that the person has arrived drunk, slept with three people's dates and just pissed in one of the host's houseplants.

And if that's being exclusive and nasty and NO GURLZ ALLOWED, then so be it.
posted by greekphilosophy at 8:18 AM on December 30, 2009

Oh damn it. We've been supposed to be secretly identifying each other? Because I've been randomly tackling people, pinning them down, and screaming "Are you a Mefite? Do you know Matt?" While applying painful joint locks and making ample use of pressure points to ensure they tell me the truth.

Thus far, my research has divined that most people are not mefites and don't know Matt. But they are more than willing to surrender their wallets and jewelry along with a promise that they will check out the site if it means that I'll leave them alone.
posted by quin at 8:28 AM on December 30, 2009 [5 favorites]

And if that's being exclusive and nasty and NO GURLZ ALLOWED, then so be it.

WELL FINE. You're totally not invited to my birthday party.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 8:40 AM on December 30, 2009

One time I was at the grocery store and there was this woman in the produce (picking out grapefruit, IIRC) was wearing one of the old MeFi shirts. After walking around the olive bar a few times (I'm shy) I approached her and said something about taters, praying to god she would know what I was talking about (I was also trying to come up with an exit strategy involving potatoes, which were decently close by). She laughed and said 'Actually I'm the one who posted that question.' I couldn't believe it. I wanted to hug her. Instead I blurted out 'What the fuck are they? Why didn't you ever answer? Did you see the MeTa thread about it?' and suchlike.

And then she told me. And now I know.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:42 AM on December 30, 2009 [31 favorites]

....GO ON.
posted by The Whelk at 8:55 AM on December 30, 2009 [3 favorites]

"Do you know a statistically anomalous number of librarians?"
posted by generichuman at 9:05 AM on December 30, 2009 [3 favorites]

Oh, well it turns out her boss found out she was snooping on his computer and she got written up but didn't lose her job. She tried to bring up that she was offended by what she'd seen in his browsing history but got shut down pretty quickly, and now she's working in a different office with some people that she likes a lot more, even though she's just doing, like, new account paperwork for a bunch of brokers and stuff.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:07 AM on December 30, 2009 [6 favorites]

NO WE WANT TO KNOW WHAT TATERS ARE!!
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:33 AM on December 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

Since it was with a Microsoft licensing specialist, a casual remark about what background colours would be appropriate for professional websites would do the trick.
posted by the cydonian at 9:37 AM on December 30, 2009

PhoBWanKenobi: NO WE WANT TO KNOW WHAT TATERS ARE!

Those are the things she saw in her boss's browsing history. You can read about it here.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:39 AM on December 30, 2009 [2 favorites]

We desperately need to know specifically what the hell taters means. This is as cruel as taking candy from a baby.

TATERS WHAT MEANS IT.
posted by winna at 9:41 AM on December 30, 2009 [6 favorites]

TATERS WHAT MEANS IT.

I'm telling you, it's got to be cockney rhyming slang.

Of course, it's anyone's guess whether the pornography in question involves alligators, elevators, figure-skaters, cater-waiters, generators, percolators, tractors pulling cultivators, Oakland Raiders, Grecian satyrs, ocean freighters, alma maters, cabbage graters, lunar craters, flying purple people haters, Wiener Praters, album raters, spats (or gaiters), double-daters, masturbators...

Yeah, that's probably it, actually: Spats.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:05 AM on December 30, 2009 [5 favorites]

I AM HATING YOU RIGHT NOW SHAKESPEHERIAN

WHAT DID SHE MEAN BY TATERS

TO WHAT PART OF THE HUMAN BODY OR PLANT KINGDOM WAS SHE REFERRING
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:09 AM on December 30, 2009

YOU ARE UNFAIR! YOU ARE TEASING US!
posted by jgirl at 10:13 AM on December 30, 2009

They see me trollin', they hatin' ...
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:14 AM on December 30, 2009 [7 favorites]

TATERS WHAT MEANS IT.

If you're going to go all Smeagol the answer should I think be obvious.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 10:22 AM on December 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm pretty sure "taters" are a regional or small town insult for a gay male.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:35 AM on December 30, 2009

I'm pretty sure "taters" are a regional or small town insult for a gay male.

You may be onto something.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:52 AM on December 30, 2009

"Meffie or Mee-fie?"
posted by Pollomacho at 10:52 AM on December 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

OK, Shakespeherian, what was she like? Was she priggish? I would've expected her to be, if not in Duggar-esque full-fundie-wear, to be in more modest long sleeves, not a potentially form-fitting T-shirt. Was she accompanied by anyone?

I wonder if she still posts.
posted by jgirl at 10:53 AM on December 30, 2009

"Meh-fih", obviously.
posted by FishBike at 10:53 AM on December 30, 2009

Crap!
Now I REALLY feel out of the loop.
First, I do read other websites (Yeah, I can hear it now... "There are other web sites??")
Some memes are here and there. ("This.")
But, sadly, I do not know of the taters... and many of the other proposed code words.

I tell my wife about something I read on MeFi... her eyes glaze over. She "doesn't have time" to "read that stuff". Of course, sometimes I tell her about something interesting that I found and she says, "Lemmie guess, you got it from that web site."

Is there a remedial MeFi class?
posted by Drasher at 11:20 AM on December 30, 2009

"There are other web sites??"

This is only because The Cabal allows the illusion of other websites to persist to further its own ends.

I've said too much.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 11:34 AM on December 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

Nudge. Nudge. Say no more.
posted by Drasher at 11:36 AM on December 30, 2009

(standing ovation for shakespeherian)
posted by naju at 11:37 AM on December 30, 2009

Hmpf. He got his moment in the sun; the rest of us are still in the dark.
posted by jgirl at 11:46 AM on December 30, 2009

jgirl: OK, Shakespeherian, what was she like?

Sorry, just got back from a two-hour lunch with a vendor. What were we talking about again?
posted by shakespeherian at 11:55 AM on December 30, 2009

It turns out that taters-lady revealed in a 2008 interview that she was actually a construct, created by three or more people, and subsequently a part played by auditioned actors, in order to act out the creators imagined ideal of an askme questioner. The multiple actors each played a different facet of the asker (taters, tators, supertaters). Sources have indicated that indeed taters-lady is a supernice genuine person at heart, but others feel betrayed by the layered and nuanced portrayal. Critics have for a long time criticized her question, and her motives for asking it. Some have gone so far as to call her a troll. What this revelation, and the anonymous status of (her?) original question call into play is the very fabric of Ask Metafilter, and the asker/askee relationship. Is she actually even concerned about taters? Or is she simply providing the Ask Metafilter audience with what she thinks they want. Is this purely a commercial construct, a sort of Taters Blue, as it were? Or is it more, is this the taters singularity? Has it finally arrived?
posted by haveanicesummer at 12:14 PM on December 30, 2009 [2 favorites]

jgirl: I would've expected her to be, if not in Duggar-esque full-fundie-wear, to be in more modest long sleeves, not a potentially form-fitting T-shirt.

I wouldn't call it form-fitting, and I think she had a cardigan or sweatshirt on, IIRC. (I had to look up the Duggar family; I've never heard of them before.) She seemed like a pretty normal person, but then, I grew up in a pretty religious and politically conservative circle, so your definition of 'normal' may vary.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:26 PM on December 30, 2009

jgirl: OK, Shakespeherian, what was she like?

Sorry, just got back from a two-hour lunch with a vendor. What were we talking about again?

The t-shirt-wearing Tater Woman.
posted by jgirl at 12:26 PM on December 30, 2009

Right, right, just kidding. But seriously, are there people who consider jeans and a t-shirt immodest?
posted by shakespeherian at 12:33 PM on December 30, 2009

But did you have taters for lunch?
posted by effluvia at 12:39 PM on December 30, 2009

But seriously, are there people who consider jeans and a t-shirt immodest?

Yup.
posted by jgirl at 12:49 PM on December 30, 2009

Bitteroldman sits in a cafe drinking a latte, brooding over one of the many things that makes him surly and sour.

"Excuse me sir," interrupts the waiter with his suave Parisian accent, "buz aye have been asked to geev you zees note."

Bitteroldman looks at the folded piece of white paper placed into his hand. "Who sent it?" he asks, finally looking up, but the waiter has already disappeared.

He opens the paper, which seems to have been folded many times. It opens into a regular letter-sized sheet, all white, and completely blank, except for a lone sentence hand-written at the center of the page, with blue ink.


I actually know far more about this subject than I think you can imagine
posted by bitteroldman at 12:49 PM on December 30, 2009 [17 favorites]

Did she look like someone you'd want to give a banjo?
posted by jgirl at 12:58 PM on December 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

I thought Greg Nog already came up with the ideal solution for this?
posted by Slap*Happy at 1:01 PM on December 30, 2009

effluvia: But did you have taters for lunch

It's funny you should ask. What happened is we stood talking in the produce section for a bit (I'm not very outgoing, generally, and I got the sense that she wasn't either) about MetaFilter, various links we each remembered from the site (she mostly reads AskMe, which I don't read much, to be honest, so there wasn't much overlap), etc., and then she mentioned that her parents were participating in a block party that same afternoon. She told me where it was and I said I might stop by, depending on this and that, without much intention of going because, like I said, I'm the sort of person who'd rather stay home and read a book or whatever than go somewhere with a bunch of strangers, especially if most of those strangers will already know each other.

Anyway I finished getting all my groceries, checked out, walked home. I told my wife (she was my fiancee at the time) about meeting the taters lady at the grocery store and she couldn't believe it-- my wife doesn't read MeFi, but I seem to bring it up constantly, whether I read a link that's related to something we're talking about, or if there was a particularly interesting or hilarious conversation in a thread. We watched the 100k raffle together and I had to explain far more about the intricacies of this website than I would have thought necessary. Anyway, I also have explained a few of our injokes, including the mystery about taters.

My fiancee couldn't believe it. I told her about the block party and she said, 'We have to go!' She really wanted to meet her and find out if I was bullshitting. My wife is pretty much as introverted as I am, normally, but I guess she thought this was an opportunity too good to pass up.

So the block party was supposed to start at like six or so, and a while after that we decided to go. We had to take a bus to the train, because it was in a neighborhood on the north side, which isn't near us. The whole way there she kept talking about how she couldn't believe it, and what a small world it was, and on and on. It was pretty funny, especially considering, like I said, she doesn't read MetaFilter, and before then I'd had no idea that she'd retained any of the things I'd said about it (we went to a meetup once, but were too shy to ask random people in a bar if they were there for an internet meetup; we hung around for an hour just drinking our beers and talking to each other, hoping a big obvious group of nerds would materialize, but it never did; we found out later that everyone else who'd attended had the same experience, which was pretty funny-- anyway, that's the only MetaFilter thing she's ever shown interest in, and that was more of a fun night out than actually web-community-related).

So we finally got to the neighborhood and spent about fifteen minutes going the wrong way on a north-south street because we weren't familiar with the area and I'm rubbish at navigation (I'm from San Diego originally and have trouble orienting myself without mountains on the horizon). We found the right street eventually and there weren't many people there, and mostly they were older-- much older than us, although we're pretty young. The average age was probably about sixty. I think they mostly all went to the same church. There was a guy grilling burgers, which we don't eat, and there was a younger couple kind of hovering near a stereo system that had been set up to play music that I doubt any of the other people there appreciated.

We approached this younger couple, because they seemed a lot more relatable, and I was about to ask them where we could find tater-lady but then I realized I didn't know her name. And it wasn't like I could explain the taters thing. So we were at a loss, and my wife was starting to rib me and I was starting to feel kind of sheepish, like maybe we should just go home, because this didn't seem like any fun the longer we stayed there. But then I actually talked to the younger couple and told them what little I did know about tater-lady, her approximate age, what her hair looked like, and that she was wearing a bright blue t-shirt, and wonder of wonders, they knew who I was talking about. They pointed us to a particular house (I assume her parents' house) and said she was inside there making a fruit salad. We walked up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later' I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:18 PM on December 30, 2009 [64 favorites]

Oh for fuck's sake
posted by Think_Long at 1:22 PM on December 30, 2009 [3 favorites]

Okay, I was expecting this to end in Bel Air.
Shaggy dog trolling at its finest.
posted by cimbrog at 1:27 PM on December 30, 2009

> Is there a remedial MeFi class?

Psst, taters within.
posted by grapesaresour at 1:27 PM on December 30, 2009

*jumps on stage to bring shakespeherian a bouquet of roses*
posted by brundlefly at 1:30 PM on December 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

I hate you so much right now, shakespeherian.
posted by lekvar at 1:57 PM on December 30, 2009

Mmm ... smell that? That's the sweet perfume of pure, unadulterated troll rage.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 2:13 PM on December 30, 2009 [4 favorites]

Are there plates of beans in your house?
posted by chambers at 2:16 PM on December 30, 2009

"Is that a banhammer in your pants, or are you just happy to tater?"
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:18 PM on December 30, 2009 [2 favorites]

Roses or tomatoes? Roses or tomatoes? Oh hell, I'll throw both.
posted by The Whelk at 2:29 PM on December 30, 2009

Mee Fie Fo Fum
I smell the blood of an Oregon-man
Be he cortex or be he mat
I'll flag his post and all of that
posted by infinitewindow at 3:06 PM on December 30, 2009 [2 favorites]

Howa bout "Theres a tater in my scody pop."?
posted by darkmatter at 3:51 PM on December 30, 2009

"Would you be interested in purchasing some delicious trunk cookies?"
posted by i love cheese at 3:59 PM on December 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

...I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.

After all that you end with Bel Air? Man, if I had as many people going I would have done something at least somewhat original.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 4:20 PM on December 30, 2009

I am thrilled and delighted that greekphilosophy temporarily attributed the most weird, random, aggressively dorky, yet metafilter-denying text I've seen in a while to me. My day is made.
posted by *s at 4:30 PM on December 30, 2009

Man, if I had as many people going I would have done something at least somewhat original.

I honestly had no idea if anyone was taking me seriously or not.
posted by shakespeherian at 4:45 PM on December 30, 2009

I am The Whelk and I support Internet Experimental Theater.
posted by The Whelk at 5:01 PM on December 30, 2009

shakesperian is a poo poo tater head!
posted by deborah at 7:11 PM on December 30, 2009

Given this: Taters are nothing more nor nothing less than swollen, puckered anuses, sillies.

Then this: Howa bout "Theres a tater in my scody pop."? is clearly a disturbing image. I'll wind this post up.

Soda/Pop is ubiquitous and Scody is a Metafilerian superstar. So put the two together and you've got Scody pop. Hence forth if you hear this in a sentence you're talking with a MetaFilterian.

My work here is complete. Please carry on.
posted by darkmatter at 7:52 PM on December 30, 2009

Sorry can't let it go, I thought of a few more:

Jessamyn Rice
MathOwie Tutoring Service
Cortex surgery
Stavrosthewonderchicken Fried Chicken
posted by darkmatter at 8:24 PM on December 30, 2009

"This will not Wendell"

"This will not Givewell"

"Do you know what a portobello mushroom is...?"
posted by twine42 at 4:15 AM on December 31, 2009

*divorces shakespeherian*
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:57 AM on December 31, 2009 [4 favorites]

Man I just reread this thread and I'm a real dick.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:08 AM on December 31, 2009 [2 favorites]

You motherfucker!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:22 AM on December 31, 2009

You motherfucker!

It’s been decided then. The new metafilter secret greeting is: You motherfucker!
posted by Think_Long at 8:40 AM on December 31, 2009

It’s been decided then. The new metafilter secret greeting is: You motherfucker!

See? I was helping.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:40 AM on December 31, 2009 [2 favorites]

Don't worry about that crotchety Brandon Blatcher divorcing you, shakespeherian. I just spoused you. Hope you don't react the way Zambrano did when I spoused him. Man, was he pissed.
posted by brina at 8:46 AM on December 31, 2009

Omigod and after all that I forgot to say what 'taters' means!



It means 'potatoes.'
posted by shakespeherian at 8:48 AM on December 31, 2009 [6 favorites]

Thanks, Hairy Pandora and the Pointy Browser.
posted by effluvia at 9:01 AM on December 31, 2009

It means 'potatoes.'

This thread would not be complete without a link to PO-TA-TOES.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:25 AM on December 31, 2009

See? I was helping.

You jackass!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:49 PM on December 31, 2009

alphabet game: what the MetaFilter Code should NOT be.
posted by not_on_display at 10:51 PM on January 4, 2010

bacon, for instance.
posted by not_on_display at 10:52 PM on January 4, 2010

cocks, bucket of.
posted by vrakatar at 11:19 PM on January 4, 2010

Dinkerydoo.
posted by Kattullus at 11:35 PM on January 4, 2010

eponisyteri...eponisarifica....eponysertamatress....

You know what I mean.
posted by vrakatar at 1:04 AM on January 5, 2010

Five dollars, which is emphatically not what it costs in town.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:56 AM on January 5, 2010

"Get Bent!"
posted by not_on_display at 1:00 PM on January 5, 2010

HAMBURGER.
posted by vrakatar at 1:34 PM on January 5, 2010

"I am a special snowflake."
posted by not_on_display at 4:32 PM on January 5, 2010

I see what you did there.
posted by typewriter at 4:33 PM on January 5, 2010

Judicious players will please observe the rule regarding repetition of letters - that's four points off for an error. Next contestant, welcome to the show. Your question is: Why is a banana?
posted by koeselitz at 4:41 PM on January 5, 2010

Koeselitz, you know perfectly well a banana is because its mother and father loved each other very much.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:07 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Love, loins and the fruit thereof, are you saying?
posted by Abiezer at 6:13 PM on January 5, 2010

MeTa
posted by vrakatar at 8:00 PM on January 5, 2010

Nomic is Nomic and Alphabet Thread is Alphabet thread, and never the twain shall meet. Unless they do, which would be sort of awesome.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:55 PM on January 5, 2010

Oh how did I not notice this became an alphabet thread
posted by flatluigi at 11:25 PM on January 5, 2010

Perhaps our code word should be for the first conversant to start a sentence with "A"?
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 5:11 AM on January 6, 2010

Question: What do beans, portabellos, taters and buckets of cocks have in common?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:02 AM on January 6, 2010

Rational people have better things to think about.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:22 AM on January 6, 2010

Suppose they do, why would they?
posted by Kattullus at 8:23 AM on January 6, 2010

There is no taters.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 8:58 AM on January 6, 2010

Undercooked potatoes are hardcore.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:42 AM on January 6, 2010

Very hardcore, but we all know that mashed potatoes are the most delicious.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:46 AM on January 6, 2010

what
posted by not_on_display at 11:30 AM on January 6, 2010

Xhosa's word for 'love' is tater.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:36 AM on January 6, 2010

You're wrong. No you're wrong. yeeeah kickin' it old school...
posted by Kattullus at 2:51 PM on January 6, 2010

Zippity Bop!
posted by vrakatar at 6:09 PM on January 6, 2010

A is for Apple, whose tablet now looms.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:17 PM on January 6, 2010

B is for Babby, by formation subsumed.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 6:22 PM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

C is for cortex who rules from on high.
posted by vrakatar at 6:25 PM on January 6, 2010

D is for delmoi who often stops by.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:36 PM on January 6, 2010

E is for Empress, Callipygos I would say.
posted by greekphilosophy at 7:31 PM on January 6, 2010

F is for faved, which won't go away.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:01 PM on January 6, 2010

G is for Grar, when tempers run high
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 8:19 PM on January 6, 2010

H is for hugs, maybe then a good cry.
posted by vrakatar at 8:25 PM on January 6, 2010

I is for nothing, get off of my lawn!
posted by not_on_display at 10:18 PM on January 6, 2010 [2 favorites]

J is for juggalos, clownin' till dawn.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:26 PM on January 6, 2010

K is for katherineg, so pretty and nice!
posted by vrakatar at 10:39 PM on January 6, 2010

L is lawyers, who must not give advice.
posted by Abiezer at 10:45 PM on January 6, 2010 [2 favorites]

M is for MetaTalk, full of callouts and fights.
posted by vrakatar at 11:06 PM on January 6, 2010

N is for Noise, flagged as such.
posted by The Whelk at 2:17 AM on January 7, 2010

O is for Overthinking, of which there is never too much.
posted by Kattullus at 4:44 AM on January 7, 2010

P is for plates, all piled with beans.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:42 AM on January 7, 2010

P is for portabello. the grocery clerk's bane
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:50 AM on January 7, 2010

Q is for Quonsar with a fish in his jeans
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:53 AM on January 7, 2010

R is for reenum, in my mixed CD pool.
posted by not_on_display at 7:05 AM on January 7, 2010

S is for slant-rhymes, which are not so cool.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:12 AM on January 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

T is for taglines, a colon preceding.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:33 AM on January 7, 2010

U is for underpants gnomes and their ???? needing.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:54 AM on January 7, 2010

V is for Violet Blue and her dsnvwlng
posted by The Whelk at 8:05 AM on January 7, 2010

W is for The Whelk, the rhyme scheme he's foul . . . ng.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:10 AM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

X is for Xtrovert, Dee from Sarajevo.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:28 AM on January 7, 2010

Y is for Yarble (the Spanish is "huevo")
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:44 AM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Z is for Zalgo, he comes for you because the rhyme scheme got fucked.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:01 AM on January 7, 2010

Able Allen Addles Adders
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:18 AM on January 7, 2010

Blind Barry blitzes Bellinis.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:25 AM on January 7, 2010

Cody Codswallop Coddles Codfish
posted by bitteroldman at 9:34 AM on January 7, 2010

Dodgy Derek diddles dupes.
posted by Abiezer at 9:38 AM on January 7, 2010

Energetic Ellen eats eggos.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:41 AM on January 7, 2010

Fantastic Freddy fucks frenetically.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:43 AM on January 7, 2010

Gallagher gets grumpy; growling glibertarian grandpa.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 9:57 AM on January 7, 2010

Haughey has humping hormones. Hurray!
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 10:21 AM on January 7, 2010 [4 favorites]

I intimate, in inimitable introspection, illustrious intellectuals imposed into intentional illegibility, irksome ire, inconceivable irascibility, inescapable impishness;—indeed it is irredeemably incomprehensible impoliteness. It's idiotic.
posted by koeselitz at 11:14 AM on January 7, 2010

Jilda jokes Jerzy's jicken.
posted by not_on_display at 2:17 PM on January 7, 2010

Knights Knead Knobby Knees.
posted by quin at 2:27 PM on January 7, 2010

Lois loves liquored-up lotharios.
posted by vrakatar at 2:57 PM on January 7, 2010

Mmmm mhhhmmhmfff mm mmfff!

Translation: "Mom maskingtaped my mouth!"
posted by not_on_display at 6:24 PM on January 7, 2010

Numismatists nominate no national network, northern nor netherwhere, numerating necessary nomenclature. (Numismatic News notwithstanding.)
posted by koeselitz at 7:08 PM on January 7, 2010

Oliver opts out of Olympic Off-road Origami.
posted by not_on_display at 7:33 PM on January 8, 2010

Perverse predators prowl particular pavillions!
Procede.
posted by vrakatar at 2:52 AM on January 9, 2010

Quantified qua quotation, quonsar's querelous quips quarrel questing querists quicker.
posted by koeselitz at 3:58 AM on January 9, 2010

Rabid rockers rock riffs righteously.
posted by Kattullus at 5:39 AM on January 9, 2010

Sale: Slightly soiled Superman slippers, size: SMALL
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:13 AM on January 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

Then there's that thing that they thrust through the thigh.
posted by Abiezer at 6:28 AM on January 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

Ulysses urgently upended Ursula's unguent.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 7:33 AM on January 9, 2010

Verily vexed vagabonds vacillate vicariously via vacations.
posted by SpiffyRob at 9:03 AM on January 9, 2010

Whelk wastes want with wan wandering wainwrights.
posted by The Whelk at 2:45 PM on January 9, 2010

Whenever we waste words, we're wobbling witlessly where weasels, who wait watchfully, wickedly weave webs which will whelm whoever wanders wayward without warning. We wouldn't want wicked weasels where we were, would we?—wherefore we, who wholly wish weasels woe, would want whatever wordful wisdom wings within wielding.
posted by koeselitz at 3:08 PM on January 9, 2010

Xenophobic Xena xylophones Xenakis.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:14 PM on January 9, 2010

YIKES! Yeats' yearly yurt!
posted by The Whelk at 3:25 PM on January 9, 2010

Zed.
posted by koeselitz at 3:27 PM on January 9, 2010

Zounds!
posted by The Whelk at 3:30 PM on January 9, 2010

Although brilliant, Colin didn't entirely find Gavin's hairpiece intelligent; just kooky. Later, my namesake's orphan protested quite rigoriously; so they undertook vain words, xeroxed zealous archnemesises.
posted by koeselitz at 3:39 PM on January 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Breaking cool depths, environmentalists found green hylomorphs iterating jauntily Kant's laws masterfully. Now, our peaceful quorum resists stoicly the undertaking's vaunted western xenophobia. Zip and ballyhoo!
posted by koeselitz at 3:39 PM on January 9, 2010

Clearly disgusted, Esther fearlessly gave her idiotic jester koeselitz's large mouse. No other powerful question really should trouble us very widely. Xerxes yielded zero answers, by coincidence.
posted by klausness at 5:06 PM on January 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Debating endless fanciful gyrations here incites jests, kills lazy MetaFilter nights.  Obviously posting quizzical rhetoric stultifies talk which yields zero agreement, becalms chaos.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 5:48 PM on January 9, 2010

D'Oh!

*Mentally adds 'directly' to last post*
*Tiptoes away*
posted by Hardcore Poser at 5:56 PM on January 9, 2010

Exercises facing God had inspired Jesuits, knight-errant Loyola's men; nightly offices producing quiet resolve, settling their unswerving vocation, whetting Xavier's youthful zeal amid Basque Catholicism's decline.
posted by Abiezer at 7:02 PM on January 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Fearing Gavin had injured Jeff kayaking, Lois munched no owl, pheasant, quail, rooster. She took us, verily, with xylophones you zap, around beach communities' dumpsters.
posted by SpiffyRob at 7:17 PM on January 9, 2010

Give him Ivan's jacket, Kim. Like, maybe nothing on Pink Quail Road smells that unctuously vivacious -- whatever! -- XXL, yellow, zippered and beautiful, Cory deserves every fucking goosefeather.
posted by not_on_display at 12:46 PM on January 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

Heck, I just know Lyle's mad now: our port's quite ridiculous security - those unthinking vermin who x-rayed your Zeppelin albums, bootleg concerts deleted egregiously, footage gone.
posted by Abiezer at 9:23 PM on January 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

Indie jukebox king Lovett made numerous outstanding platters. Quick, raucous, singable tunes; unmistakeable with Xzbit. You're always better collecting discs early; find good hauls immediately.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 9:49 PM on January 10, 2010

- just know, losers: my name often produces quite receptive situations. That's understandable; victims who xerox your zings and bring copies downtown effectively find great harm is justified.
posted by koeselitz at 11:27 PM on January 10, 2010

Kindly listen, my neuroscientific obligations promise qualified results. Sometimes the uncontrasted vascular web x-rays yield zero articulable brain data. Essentially, figure good health is just Ketamine.
posted by haveanicesummer at 8:06 AM on January 11, 2010

Argh!

Kindly listen, my neuroscientific obligations promise qualified results. Sometimes the uncontrasted vascular web x-rays yield zero articulable brain correlated data. Essentially, figure good health is just Ketamine.
posted by haveanicesummer at 8:09 AM on January 11, 2010

"Love means never offering pickled quail rinds."

"Sex tastes unusually voltaic."

Want xtra-yummy zingers? Al's Bucolic Compendium delivers! Each folio guarantees hilarity--it just kills! LOL!
posted by not_on_display at 12:55 PM on January 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

My notes on philosophical questions regarding self-cultivation thus ultimately vindicate what Xunzi, Yang Zhu and broader Confucian discourse expounded - fundamental "goodness" has implicitly justified knowledge-oriented learning.*

*Disclaimer: the claims made about philosophy in this post bear no relation to actual positions held by any named thinkers; it's a dictionary-based fit-up, guv
posted by Abiezer at 11:50 PM on January 11, 2010 [3 favorites]

Nevertheless, organized pirate quests require such terrifically unattenuated vaccines. Written 'X's you zealously assail, booty caches diggers exhume from, generally have invisible jeopardy. Knowledge lessens maritime naivete.
posted by haveanicesummer at 10:01 AM on January 12, 2010

Originally, Percy queried requisite sources--those unschooled, vacuous writers: Xenophon, Yeats, Zeno, Aristophanes--but calling demons exhumed finer gists. Had imps joyously knocked-off lessons, might've nirvana obtained.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 10:26 AM on January 12, 2010

Printing questions reflectingly, Shlomo transcribes
Upon vellum which xeric ypight
Zealously amid bookcovers coldly describes,
Echoing faint gellid hues infinite -

"Justice knows: losses must nature's orbit prescribe."
posted by koeselitz at 3:14 PM on January 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

Q: "Do you like giving handjobs?"

A: "What?"

Q: "Oh, Metafilter… It's a website."

A: "OK."

OR

Q: "Do you like giving handjobs?"

A: "Yes!"

Handjobs ensue; Metafilter never mentioned.
posted by klangklangston at 7:01 PM on January 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

Quickly retrieving shelved thesauri, users vied with Xanthic yodelers zooming around before chalking down elegant, flowery gems hidden in jests.  klangklangston's lascivious message nullified our progress quickly.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 7:52 PM on January 12, 2010

Rending, searing, tragic, unimaginable vistas.

Wanting xeriffs, yen, zloty; anything but cynicism.

Disaster everywhere, foundering government; Haiti is jarred, kneeling.

Locate money, no objections; pesos (and pounds) quickly required.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 11:05 AM on January 14, 2010

So hard, so very hard, this alphabet game.
posted by not_on_display at 9:18 AM on January 25, 2010