Neat facts about Matt

November 29, 2007 11:45 AM

You learn something new every day about fearless leader.

"...I'm blind in one eye from birth".

And yes, those online glass places are pretty great

posted by ShawnString to MetaFilter-Related at 11:45 AM (72 comments total)

You know who else was blind in one eye?

Sammy Davis Jr. And Columbo.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:47 AM on November 29, 2007

*points and laughs at blindy mcblinderson*
posted by dersins at 11:47 AM on November 29, 2007

can we also get a metatalk post for each twitter update that mathowie posts? i really need to know more about him.

really.
posted by Stynxno at 11:51 AM on November 29, 2007 [7 favorites]

Yeah, why don't you just learn how to see, pal.
posted by roll truck roll at 11:51 AM on November 29, 2007

Which eye is it? That way I can hide self links on that side of a metafilter post and you'll never know.
posted by inigo2 at 11:56 AM on November 29, 2007 [5 favorites]

matt what did you have for lunch today this is important i am missing data here for a week and youre jeopardizing the integrity of my control charts here
posted by boo_radley at 11:57 AM on November 29, 2007 [4 favorites]

This is a creepy stalker thread I want no part of. On the other hand, I need new glasses. I feel so conflicted.
posted by ardgedee at 12:00 PM on November 29, 2007

WHAT!? YOU STINKING LYING CAPITALIST PIGDOG!!

GLORIOUS LEADER SEES SUPER-PERFECTLY WITH NOT ONLY TWO EYES, BUT EIGHT! SEE RIGHT AROUND MOON, SEE WHOLE EARTH, DIVINE BEING OF LIGHT SEE ENTIRE COSMOS, EYES SHOOT PERFECTLY PURIFYING LASERBEAMS OF DEATH AT INFIDEL SCUM LIKE YOU!
posted by loquacious at 12:03 PM on November 29, 2007 [19 favorites]

Sammy Davis Jr. And Columbo.

And Sandy Duncan!
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:03 PM on November 29, 2007

I have a friend with one eye; he was totally befuddled by the Magic Eye craze of the last century.
posted by TedW at 12:06 PM on November 29, 2007

He posted about that some days ago at AskMeFi. So... old news?
posted by Memo at 12:07 PM on November 29, 2007

Nice post, ShawnString. Matt's going to have to keep an eye out for you.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 12:12 PM on November 29, 2007 [6 favorites]

I had a friend with a glass eye.

Never, ever ask him to keep an eye on something. Because he will.

Especially if it's your drink.

*plop*

GAH. YOU BASTARD GUY.
posted by loquacious at 12:15 PM on November 29, 2007 [6 favorites]

It's too bad it's not just a lazy eye. Then we could call Matt the Eye Strains Drifter.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:17 PM on November 29, 2007 [2 favorites]

I have a friend with one eye; he was totally befuddled by the Magic Eye craze of the last century.

Huh. Suddenly I remember this old thread about the camera-wobble trick for inducing monocular depth perception, and looking back I find this relevant gem from Matt.

Note: mods generally not naked while working on site, fyi.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:18 PM on November 29, 2007

You know who else is blind in one eye?

That's right, Jean-Marie Le Pen. And Gordon Brown. And Jonsi out of Sigur Ros.

Any questions?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 12:19 PM on November 29, 2007

There's a whole bunch of us cyclops in this recent ask mefi thread. I had no idea so many users had only one eye.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 12:20 PM on November 29, 2007

In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:21 PM on November 29, 2007

Note: mods generally not naked while working on site, fyi.

Buh?
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:23 PM on November 29, 2007 [5 favorites]

Strangely, though, in the land of the one-eyed men, the one who can program in Ruby on Rails is king.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:23 PM on November 29, 2007

Note: if your sneaking up on Matt, he's blind in his right eye.


Don't make the same mistake I did.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 12:26 PM on November 29, 2007 [1 favorite]

Congrats Howie, you've made it into the net.geek majors. Here's your stalker avoidance handbook and pepper spray. What? You didn't apply for this position?
posted by Rhomboid at 12:32 PM on November 29, 2007

cortex: ceiling cat is watching you moderate.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:32 PM on November 29, 2007 [8 favorites]

Yes, but if he had a third eye blind.... well, then, it would definitely be a semi-charmed kind of life.
posted by pineapple at 12:33 PM on November 29, 2007 [2 favorites]

.. Were I Matt Haughey... I would find this post moderately disturbing.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 12:34 PM on November 29, 2007

"He posted about that some days ago at AskMeFi. So... old news?"

Oops, sorry to repeat what Memo already posted. I GUESS I DIDN'T SEE IT.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 12:34 PM on November 29, 2007 [20 favorites]

I'm not Matt Haughey, and I find it more than moderatley creepy.
posted by signal at 12:35 PM on November 29, 2007

I don’t know who I’d be more afraid of, the guy who posted the thread or the guy who favorited it.
posted by bondcliff at 12:35 PM on November 29, 2007

I didnt mean for this to be come mean spirtited I swear.
and I would never stalk Matt.

but it has become a really fun thread.
posted by ShawnString at 12:37 PM on November 29, 2007

Flagged as "Nice".
posted by Mister_A at 12:45 PM on November 29, 2007

I don't mean to be insensitive but I just saw that ask mefi thread and this comment stuck out:

Chiming in to say I'm a cyclops-since-birth, too.

Life is completely normal, except for not being able to do the magic eye puzzles.

I know what they meant to say - that their life on the outside is for the most part indistinguishable from someone with two good eyes. But, on the other hand, if they have been partially blind since birth they have no reference experience, that is subjective experience of what "normal" is - they are unqualified to tell you what you will be missing experientially if you suddenly lost one eye.
posted by vacapinta at 12:48 PM on November 29, 2007

You know who else was blind in one eye?

Me
(right as well)

And I spend a shit load on my glasses, but I get the frames that can twist all to hell and back
posted by edgeways at 12:49 PM on November 29, 2007

"Oops, sorry to repeat what Memo already posted. I GUESS I DIDN'T SEE IT."

I'M SORRY, I GUESS YOU MISSED THE MEMO.
posted by Memo at 12:52 PM on November 29, 2007 [7 favorites]

It's worse than that, vacapinta. They also completely fail to account for the feelings of those binocular folks who are nonetheless (hilariously) incapable of doing magic eye puzzles.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:53 PM on November 29, 2007

Confession time: I have never been able to do those things.
posted by Memo at 12:54 PM on November 29, 2007

I know a guy whose one-eyed trouser snake has two eyes. At least, so he says. And since he's not in seventh grade, I can't imagine why he would make up something like that.
posted by Kwine at 12:54 PM on November 29, 2007

Other neat facts about Matt:

He once wrestled an angry bull. And won.
He can accurately fire a rubber-band over 50 feet.
He daringly jumped 15 cars on a Honda moped.
He is capable of communicating with cats.
He once 'surfed' a motorcycle by standing on it's seat and gas-tank.
He can heal houseplants with his mind.
He is an accomplished time-traveler.
He can accurately predict the flight path of a garden bumble-bee.
He has saved the planet. Twice.
He has greater than Top Secret clearance. But he doesn't know it.
He smells pleasantly of cheese.
He can construct a particle accelerator using nothing more than a colander, a pocket watch, 20 feet of garden hose, and a turkey.
He is the member of a secret and ancient brotherhood who protect dark knowledge.
He has an iPhone. A 3rd generation iPhone.
His only weakness is kindness. And bullets.

[Disclosure: None of these are true. At least, none that I know of.]
posted by quin at 12:57 PM on November 29, 2007 [5 favorites]

Do you know what this post lacks?

Perspective.
posted by felix betachat at 12:57 PM on November 29, 2007 [16 favorites]

binocular folks who are nonetheless (hilariously) incapable of doing magic eye puzzles.

Flagged as “insensitive bastard talk.”

I can almost see them, I see something in 3D, but it’s inverted and I can never make out what it is.

AND IT’S NOT HILARIOUS IT’S REALLY FRUSTRATING OK!!!

Next time I see you on the MeFi TF2 server I’m gonna play the “Cop With Taser” class.
posted by bondcliff at 1:00 PM on November 29, 2007 [2 favorites]

Mathowie can divide by zero.
posted by shmegegge at 1:08 PM on November 29, 2007

i'm only half surprized. i always took mathowie to have eyes in the back of his head.
posted by de at 1:13 PM on November 29, 2007

Confession time: I have never been able to do those things.

It's a schooner!!!
posted by inigo2 at 1:13 PM on November 29, 2007

Also, why doesn't anyone make circular lenses anymore? That's all I want, is perfectly or almost perfectly circular jet black sunglasses. That would be so badass, and I'd run around like WHOOSH!
posted by shmegegge at 1:13 PM on November 29, 2007 [2 favorites]

mods generally not naked while working on site, fyi.

I have video evidence to the contrary, bucko.
posted by Meatbomb at 1:14 PM on November 29, 2007

Can we just start the Matt Haughey Facts site and be done with it?
posted by mullingitover at 1:15 PM on November 29, 2007 [1 favorite]

felix, I see what you're saying, but I prefer to view our comments as j ocular. I can't envision how this thread could have gone a more opthalmal direction. Don't get your iris up.
posted by pineapple at 1:15 PM on November 29, 2007

Ah, it makes all those times he turned a blind eye to clear violations make sense now.
posted by Pollomacho at 1:21 PM on November 29, 2007 [1 favorite]

Dick Vitale is blind in one eye. My dad used this knowledge to sneak up on his blind side and stuff him during a charity basketball game they played in together many years ago.
posted by emd3737 at 1:28 PM on November 29, 2007

On the plus side, he can chill coke in two minutes with his good eye.
posted by cillit bang at 1:40 PM on November 29, 2007

What with it being an occupational hazard and all, plenty of fearless war leaders had just the one eye, like Lord Nelson, or my fave, Marshal Liu Bocheng, the "One-eyed Dragon," hero of the revolutionary war. Bet no-one had the guts to tell him to his face the epithet sounds vaguely like a euphemism for a penis.
posted by Abiezer at 2:01 PM on November 29, 2007

Link Wray had only one lung.

(What? It's just as relevant as anything else.)
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:04 PM on November 29, 2007

Something new? mathowie posted about the congenital defect in his eye on February 24, 2000.
posted by Cranberry at 2:08 PM on November 29, 2007

On the Plus side, Every Movie is a 3D movie for Matt.
posted by Megafly at 2:15 PM on November 29, 2007

More apt than you'll ever know, calling #1 "Fearless Leader."
posted by Lynsey at 2:18 PM on November 29, 2007 [1 favorite]

Can we just start the Matt Haughey Facts site and be done with it?

Did you lose the addres to the wiki? It is here.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:34 PM on November 29, 2007

you know who else had only one eye?

that's right.
posted by shmegegge at 2:37 PM on November 29, 2007

Aye aye, Captain! Or...aye--to be more accurate.
posted by ColdChef at 3:01 PM on November 29, 2007

If mathowie has one eye
and he is king of metafilter
then it only stands to reason
that metafilter
is
the valley of the blind
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:24 PM on November 29, 2007 [2 favorites]

Or is that the land of the blind?

I always confuse that
with the land
of the lost
because I am
a
sleestak
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:25 PM on November 29, 2007 [1 favorite]

New nickname for Matt: Sylar-clops.
posted by wendell at 3:42 PM on November 29, 2007

From the wiki:

Matthew Haughey (pronounced "Sqxyzpmnrthzchtplyk")

I'm so relieved. That's exactly how I've been pronouncing it all along!
posted by amyms at 3:45 PM on November 29, 2007

You do realize, Haughey, that you have no right to be on MetaFilter if this "blind in one eye" stuff is self-diagnosed?
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 3:52 PM on November 29, 2007 [2 favorites]

Me, too.

Leela on Futurama is my favorite character.
posted by matildaben at 4:00 PM on November 29, 2007

Note: mods generally not naked while working on site, fyi.

Rockers, on the other hand....

whee, I feel so free....
posted by jonmc at 4:42 PM on November 29, 2007

Matt Haughey is Opticus Prime?
posted by casarkos at 5:01 PM on November 29, 2007

"You learn something new every day about fearless leader."

Huh, I was expecting that link to be about asavage for some reason.
posted by Eideteker at 5:28 PM on November 29, 2007

I know a guy whose one-eyed trouser snake has two eyes.

I forget the specific cause, but there's a birth defect caused by a specific chemical exposure at a certain point in the pregnancy that this guy likely has.
posted by davejay at 9:52 PM on November 29, 2007

MATT = ODIN

THINK ABOUT IT
posted by Sticherbeast at 9:57 PM on November 29, 2007

I forget the specific cause, but there's a birth defect caused by a specific chemical exposure at a certain point in the pregnancy that this guy likely has.

If this guy likely has a pregnancy... well, I'd say that the two eyes of his trouser snake are the very least of his problem.
posted by pineapple at 10:16 PM on November 29, 2007

Online spectacles? What a waste of a perfectly good opportunity to wear a monocle and dress up like the peanut guy.
posted by Sparx at 4:47 AM on November 30, 2007

Matthew Haughey (pronounced "Sqxyzpmnrthzchtplyk")

Wow, so Matt is the Toltec god of cut rate pulque after all!
posted by Pollomacho at 6:30 AM on November 30, 2007

I'm not blind in one eye, but I'm sort of close. I have a pretty strong case of Amblyopia in my left eye, meaning that while the eye sees perfectly well (better than my 'good' eye, in fact), the signal isn't processed correctly and is mostly discarded. I don't see in stereo and it's nearly impossible for me to read with that eye. It also gets worse if I try to use it for any amount. Modern 3D movies can force stereoscopic vision on me, which makes them a rather nice novelty, but not actually more realistic or immersive or anything.
posted by Arturus at 7:41 PM on November 30, 2007