You sir, are a jerk.

July 17, 2007 12:06 AM

Looking for a quote from Metafilter comments from less than a month ago. About calling a lawyer a jerk. I paraphrase badly: "If you think the defense is wrong then attack the defense. If you think the facts are wrong then argue the facts. If you've got nothing then call the other lawyer a jerk."
posted by uncanny hengeman to MetaFilter Gatherings at 12:06 AM (9 comments total)

FYI, originally from here.

http://ask.metafilter.com/67139/You-sir-are-a-jerk

The few replies being:

You may get a better response on this one if you ask one of the admins to relocate it to MeTa.
posted by Afroblanco at 10:12 PM on July 16 [mark as best answer] [+] [!]

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Pretty good paraphrase...I remember it, too...but not the thread.

Will try to recall.
posted by Exchequer at 10:22 PM on July 16 [mark as best answer] [+] [!]

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You may get a better response on this one if you ask one of the admins to relocate it to MeTa.

Woops. I don't wanna be breaking any rules. Mods... if you think that is a better course of action.

Thanks, Exchequer. At least that means I've got the correct forum!
posted by uncanny hengeman at 10:25 PM on July 16 [mark as best answer] [+] [!]

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The version of it we learned in law school is:

"If you have the law on your side, pound on the law. If you have the facts on your side, pound on the facts. If you don't have the facts or the law, then pound on the table."

That may not be what you're looking for.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 10:25 PM on July 16 [mark as best answer] [+] [!]

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My law professor's favorite saying was slightly different.

If the facts are on your side, pound the facts.
If the law is on your side, pound the law.
If you have neither on your side, pound the table.
posted by gatorae at 10:26 PM on July 16 [mark as best answer] [+] [!]

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/pounds palmcorder_yajna
posted by gatorae at 10:27 PM on July 16 [mark as best answer] [+] [!]

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That "alternative" quote is pretty good, thanks, palmcorder_yajna, gatorae. What would this guy do?
posted by uncanny hengeman at 10:46 PM on July 16 [mark as best answer] [+] [!]
posted by uncanny hengeman at 12:10 AM on July 17, 2007

Jaysuss. What a train wreck. I thought I hit "Metafilter related".
posted by uncanny hengeman at 12:50 AM on July 17, 2007

Say, does anybody know what's going on here?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:29 AM on July 17, 2007

I do. uncanny hengeman is looking for a quote he thinks he heard on MetaFilter. He asked on AskMe first, but since the question is MeFi-related it was closed and he reposted to MeTa. And then he copy and pasted the few comments from the AskMe thread before it was closed.

Sorry, can't help you, u.h.
posted by Plutor at 6:35 AM on July 17, 2007

Say, does anybody know what's going on here?

Thankyou, Plutor.

...And much to my acute embarrassment I accidentally chose "MetaFilter gatherings", which almost definitely adds to the confusion.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 8:13 AM on July 17, 2007

Don't know the MeFi reference, but I've heard a slightly different "alternate" version:

If the facts are against you, argue the law.
If the law is against you, argue the facts.
If both are against you, argue loudly.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 8:31 AM on July 17, 2007

Similar quote was used in The West Wing:

When the facts are on your side argue the facts.
When the law is on your side argue the law.
When neither the the law nor the facts are on your side, bang your fist on the table as loud as you can.

No idea the origin.
posted by Skorgu at 12:08 PM on July 17, 2007

Could this be it?
posted by exogenous at 2:36 PM on July 17, 2007

If the facts are against you, argue the law.
If the law is against you, argue the facts.
If both are against you, show everyone your chainsaw.

I just made that one up.
posted by quin at 3:00 PM on July 17, 2007