The return of Jon-o: returnee requests synopsis.

November 4, 2006 11:43 AM

There have been 7333 new posts and 324990 new comments since my last visit.

What did I miss? Can I get the Cliff's Notes?
posted by Jon-o to MetaFilter-Related at 11:43 AM (59 comments total)

That's way more impressive than this one.
posted by jonson at 12:00 PM on November 4, 2006

Read the side blog, any Metatalk threads with more than 100 comments, the best of August 2006, the popular favorites tab.
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:10 PM on November 4, 2006

We had the best of the web, but you missed it.
posted by grouse at 12:14 PM on November 4, 2006

Closeted Republicans exposed with prostitutes and/or pages. Hilarity ensues.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 12:37 PM on November 4, 2006

Well, some things have changed. Matteo's a railroad baron, Cortex is a rock star, Loquacious has been struck dumb, Jessamyn's a high-priced escort, Jonmc now defends elitism, Dame's been granted peerage, L-hat only speaks in tongues, E. Bligh only wants to talk about sex, Matthowie's only recumbant on his chaise after losing his legs to mortar fire, jfuller's a Yankee, Dios brings calm consideration, Dhoyt's back as Blazecock Pileon, Amberglow's a Pentacostal "ex-gay," Grumblebee's into white pride, Konolia's a total lesbian, Krrrlson's only into affirmations, Bugbread's been mutated into some kinda barely-sapient lizard man, Y2Karl's coordinating US counterinsurgency, OmieWise just makes death metal posts, Hama7's art posts have devolved into being all about titties, Optimus Chyme is a faith healer, and quonsar is the elder statesman.

It's all pretty much in MeTa.
posted by klangklangston at 12:40 PM on November 4, 2006 [9 favorites]

Loquacious has been struck dumb

The fuck you say, you fucking fucker!

Err, nevermind. I am pretty retarded.

I almost typoed that as "I am pretty retard". See?
posted by loquacious at 12:51 PM on November 4, 2006

Jessamyn's a high-priced escort

Wait, what!? So. How much for the pretty librarian?
posted by loquacious at 12:53 PM on November 4, 2006

Wait, what!? So. How much for the pretty librarian?

That's her escort shtick. There was a high demand. Horny researchers.

Jonmc now defends elitism

Indeed.

*places cigarette in ivory holder, adjusts monocle to better preuse Mensa journal*
posted by jonmc at 12:56 PM on November 4, 2006

yes, preuse. I'm reading before it even comes out. that's hoe fucking elite I am you fucking peons.
posted by jonmc at 12:57 PM on November 4, 2006

I wish I could be hoe-fucking elite.
posted by defenestration at 1:02 PM on November 4, 2006

I'm so fucking elite that I'm above your petty bourgeois rules of spelling and punctuation.

I've been stuffed in your pocket for the last hundred days
When I don't get my bath I take it out on the slaves
So grease up your baby for the ball on the hill
Polish them rockets now, and swallow those pills

and sing... Space Lord Motherfucker.....
posted by jonmc at 1:07 PM on November 4, 2006

The elite don't actually fuck their own hoes, they have someone that takes care of that for them.
posted by Rhomboid at 1:10 PM on November 4, 2006

Kids don't know portebello mushrooms these days.
posted by drezdn at 1:11 PM on November 4, 2006 [1 favorite]

hoe fucking elite

The Farmer Collective?
posted by The God Complex at 1:15 PM on November 4, 2006

jonmc no longer wants to be like common people
jonmc no longer wants to do
what common people do

also I'm trying to figure out if the rockstar thing is a bizarro-world sellout version of me or a scathing dig at my current broke and unfamous music status
posted by cortex at 1:28 PM on November 4, 2006

I'm pregnant. With twins.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:30 PM on November 4, 2006

It took awhile, but I finally got my deal with Tri-Star Pictures!
posted by Smart Dalek at 1:34 PM on November 4, 2006

I changed my socks.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 1:40 PM on November 4, 2006

"bizarro-world sellout version of me "
(yeah)
posted by klangklangston at 1:44 PM on November 4, 2006

I changed my socks.

Thank God! You smelled like a Bible story!
posted by loquacious at 2:02 PM on November 4, 2006

I changed my socks.

Did you make any puppets out of the old ones?
posted by Rhomboid at 2:03 PM on November 4, 2006

There was a cat that liked to watch people um, you know, touch themselves, like in Deenie--but I think mathowie shooed it away.
posted by jrossi4r at 2:16 PM on November 4, 2006

jonson -- hah -- it is -- but with inflation I'd guess that more posts are being made now than then. Gosh -- that thread was four years ago... I think I'm allowed ...

feelingnostaligic

How long were you away, Jon-O?
posted by feelinglistless at 2:37 PM on November 4, 2006

No, no, it's still here. It's been hanging over my desk nonstop for 2 years. Meowing. And meowing.

What really creeps me out is the Santa Claus factor. How can that damn cat be in so many places at once? It's a little too much ...sharing for my tastes.
posted by loquacious at 2:39 PM on November 4, 2006

Metafilter Music was revived, and a new subsection of the site was created - MetaFilter Music. __________ became a mod, and has the ability to edit, ban, delete, etc. _________ created a user called __________, which allows members to post anonymous questions to Ask Metafilter. _________ and _________ were banned, and __________ flamed out, much to ____________'s delight. __________ and __________ were finally revealed to be the same person. We were surprised to learn that ________ was _________'s sock puppet. ____________ took away our ________ tag and our _______ tag and then he took away our ____ ____ tag!!! ________ sort of faded away, and is missed by a lot, even some who used to dislike him. The one and only __________ was informed by _________ of an AskMe post about him, and he registered and posted in the thread! __________ and ___________ and ___________ had simultaneous orgasms over it, and _______ and ________ needed to change their underwear. ___________ and ___________ got married, and ____________ and ___________ are an item now. ____________ had a baby, as did ___________ and ___________. __________ died, but you probably missed her and her fantastic post about ________ ________. There is a fish in ___________'s pants.


And __________ is as much of an asshole as ever. Some things never change.
posted by iconomy at 2:47 PM on November 4, 2006 [3 favorites]

Ok, I'll try:

Metafilter Music was revived, and a new subsection of the site was created - MetaFilter Music. Jessamyn became a mod, and has the ability to edit, ban, delete, etc. Mathowie created a user called anonymous, which allows members to post anonymous questions to Ask Metafilter. Alex Reynolds and Rothko were banned, and son_of_minya flamed out, much to everyone's delight. dhoyt and jenleigh were finally revealed to be the same person. We were surprised to learn that ________ was _________'s sock puppet. Mathowie took away our blink tag and our _______ tag and then he took away our img src tag!!! Miguel Cardoso sort of faded away, and is missed by a lot, even some who used to dislike him. The one and only Steve Wozniak was informed by loquacious of an AskMe post about him, and he registered and posted in the thread! __________ and ___________ and ___________ had simultaneous orgasms over it, and _______ and ________ needed to change their underwear. jonmc and his wife got married, and ____________ and ___________ are an item now. bugbread's wife had a baby, as did ___________ and ___________. __________ died, but you probably missed her and her fantastic post about ________ ________. There is a fish in goddamnit-not-this-astroturfed-meme-again's pants.


And __________ is as much of an asshole as ever. Some things never change.
posted by Bugbread at 3:02 PM on November 4, 2006

Metafilter Music was revived, and a new subsection of the site was created - MetaFilter Music. dios became a mod, and has the ability to edit, ban, delete, etc. dhoyt created a user called jenleigh, which allows members to post anonymous questions to Ask Metafilter. jonson and crunchland were banned, and WolfDaddy flamed out, much to jonmc's delight. Steve_at_Linwood and Amberglow were finally revealed to be the same person. We were surprised to learn that quonsar was delmoi's sock puppet. ItsRainingFlorenceHenderson took away our <div> tag and our <body> tag and then he took away our A HREF tag!!! y2karl sort of faded away, and is missed by a lot, even some who used to dislike him. The one and only Billy Gates was informed by cmonkey of an AskMe post about him, and he registered and posted in the thread! orthogonality and dame and Mayor Curley had simultaneous orgasms over it, and taz and XQUZYPHYR needed to change their underwear. ParisParamus and matteo got married, and loquacious and languagehat are an item now. If I Had An Anus had a baby, as did stevewoz and KWANSTAR. MiguelCardoso died, but you probably missed her and her fantastic post about biscuits and gravy. There is a fish in everyone's pants.
posted by loquacious at 3:15 PM on November 4, 2006

What did I miss? Can I get the Cliff's Notes?

we have found the cures for obesity, religious belief, republicanism, creationism, suvs, homophobia and checkout counter girls who don't know a portobello mushroom when they see one

just ask anyone here, they'll tell you, over and over and over again ... soon the rest of the world will follow us and we will all sit around the campfire singing "kumbaya" ...

and in the meantime, you were probably busy doing "constructive things" in your "real life", jon-o, while we were changing the world ... *shakes head* ...

i hope you've learned something from this
posted by pyramid termite at 3:19 PM on November 4, 2006

"There have been 7333 new posts and 324990 new comments since my last visit. What did I miss? Can I get the Cliff's Notes?"

No, but you can get your own blog. *rimshot*
No, really, welcome back. I'm sure someone missed you.
posted by Eideteker at 3:20 PM on November 4, 2006

MetaLibs
MefiLibs
CeilingCatLibs
____Libs
posted by Rhomboid at 3:21 PM on November 4, 2006

And jRun is as much of an asshole as ever. Some things never change.
posted by Smart Dalek at 3:25 PM on November 4, 2006

You should know about me too. I don't comment much, never really say much of value, and I'm pretty sure nobody here recognizes my name, but still...you should know about me.
posted by echo0720 at 3:27 PM on November 4, 2006 [2 favorites]

I almost typoed that as "I am pretty retard". See?
posted by loquacious at 8:51 PM GMT on November 4 [+] [!]

I think you're a very pretty retard.
posted by slimepuppy at 3:44 PM on November 4, 2006

What's the opposite of being granted peerage? Or is that the point? I am all fuzzy being thought of and yet confused and suspicious. Please hope me, klang. Unless it's really mean. Then just send an email.
posted by dame at 4:42 PM on November 4, 2006

quonsar was delmoi's sock puppet

"Helarious."
posted by matthewr at 4:55 PM on November 4, 2006

Don't you abdicate your duties, dame! You're going to remain entitled whether you like it or not!
posted by Smart Dalek at 5:02 PM on November 4, 2006

elephants
posted by The Deej at 5:19 PM on November 4, 2006

Ah, very clever. I hope someday I can be a pretty retard, too.
posted by dame at 5:19 PM on November 4, 2006

Oh, hush. You're fairly pretty already.
posted by cortex at 5:31 PM on November 4, 2006

Ah, faint praise: the most damning.
posted by dame at 5:50 PM on November 4, 2006

Since you've been gone, Jon-o, everyone has made a firm promise to stop bickering, and to always see the positive and give evryone else the benefit of the doubt.

Welcome back, try to help maintain the new positive vibe.
posted by Meatbomb at 5:59 PM on November 4, 2006

Medi alukan— ala— du aru— shamma shamma— Solama sulama sumala tamaku abada da da kumi sala sala mili amatala shamma shamma balu— Ama tala manga diekam oh sila sila aboda take shamma shamma— Shamma shamma oh amatala taka aboda shamma shamma— I lake tiki sala aboda— shamma takala takala shimmi— HALLELUJAH!
posted by languagehat at 6:18 PM on November 4, 2006

rama lama ding dong.
posted by jonmc at 6:36 PM on November 4, 2006

Note the absnce of images in this thread?

Elephants happened... in droves, mainly during one day.
posted by edgeways at 7:45 PM on November 4, 2006

I went almost 5 years...pretty sure I didn't miss much.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 8:12 PM on November 4, 2006

Medi alukan— ala— du aru— shamma shamma— Solama sulama sumala tamaku

*swoons*
posted by loquacious at 8:18 PM on November 4, 2006

You should know about me too. I don't comment much, never really say much of value, and I'm pretty sure nobody here recognizes my name, but still...you should know about me.

Yes. Yes. This would be a good time, amidst all this murmuring of MetLibs, the cries of the cabal, to take a moment to recognize the unsung heroes of Metafilter.

There goes echo0720, poster of none, reader of many. Precisely through his willingness to unrelentingly plough through these mazes of threads, seldom raising his voice to ask for a pony or perhaps more gruel, has he embiggened the soul of Metafilter.

And in that, friends and comrades, he has truly gone above, if not to say beyond, the call of duty. Would echo0720 have abused this platform to draw attention to the plight of his kindred, the semi-lurkers? No! He just trods on and on, then perusing the day's harvest in neatly ordered tabs, then trawling through over a dozen threads all in a single window, whatever suits his whim - and thus, serves the interest of Metafilter.

Let me ask you this, friends and comrades: do you ever, ever, get the feeling that all of this is nothing more than a Sartre-esque sick joke? That contrary to what is commonly assumed, nobody is watching? That sure, someone like amberglow or jonmc might casually gloss over your insipid little self-important musings, and languagehat or loquacious might weigh in with a snappy rejoinder of sorts - if the topic pertains to some whatnot or other of this or that specific genre and of such-and-such a level of obscurity, and then only if it's a Tuesday and not raining - and perhaps a handful of others; but that's it?

That the doors are closed, friends and comrades, and that this supposedly noble plan of sharing interesting things with the world - the thought alone: "think of the possibilities!" (remember how we used to talk?) - is little more than an exercise in futility?

Well, I have little to say to that other than there goes echo0720, poster of none, reader of many, and you are all here, sitting around thinking up MetLibs.

You should be ashamed of yourselves.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:40 PM on November 4, 2006

(On rereading her profile, thouroughly this time: he -> she. But the example still stands, dammit!)
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:46 PM on November 4, 2006

On reading the previous comment, thoroughly this time... aw eff it.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:49 PM on November 4, 2006

That contrary to what is commonly assumed, nobody is watching?

I can only hope. Really. It's fucking embarrassing.

Hey. Why do they call you goodnewsfortheinsane again? You keep bringing up the most disturbingly brain-hurty things. Tearing up the pea patch. Can't you just talk about puppies or kittens or something? Is it wrong that I read gnfti's post in the voice of Dr. Orpheus from Venture Bros?
posted by loquacious at 9:08 PM on November 4, 2006

It's only wrong in the sense that you didn't link to an audio file of the voice, so all who are ignorant—I'm one of these people—can savor your experience, loquacious. I gots to know!
posted by cgc373 at 10:21 PM on November 4, 2006

I also became a mod, but have been a lurker mod. Haven't gathered up the courage to actually make any deletions, but when I do... boy howdy. It will be the most resoundingly boring and uninteresting deletion that ever was. It will be so freakin' reasonable and expected that no one will even think to think that there's a new mod in town. I will be the Kaiser Sose of moderators. oh, shit, I think I just blew it...
posted by team lowkey at 11:38 PM on November 4, 2006

I'm still contemplating what my second post will be.
posted by reidfleming at 5:50 AM on November 5, 2006

There are now 600 Astro Zombies.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:47 AM on November 5, 2006

"What's the opposite of being granted peerage? Or is that the point? I am all fuzzy being thought of and yet confused and suspicious. Please hope me, klang. Unless it's really mean. Then just send an email."

Not opposite, just a boost in rank from Dame.
posted by klangklangston at 8:53 AM on November 5, 2006

You thought I was a boy !????
posted by echo0720 at 10:14 AM on November 5, 2006

I did correct my mistake, albeit belatedly. My apologies, ma'am. No offense meant to you or your gender, which is as fine a gender as any of the other fine, fine genders.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 1:53 PM on November 5, 2006

And even finer than all those lousy genders out there, just taking up space.
posted by diddlegnome at 5:02 PM on November 5, 2006

Apology accepted and a pleasure to meet you. (yeah, I know, really late response, work got in the way, very annoying).
posted by echo0720 at 4:15 PM on November 6, 2006