Follow-up to this thread

April 17, 2006 7:50 AM

Follow-up to this thread on contacting my father for the first time. With the help of my real-world friends and the great advice at AskMe, I went into this with eyes-wide-open.
posted by KevinSkomsvold to MetaFilter-Related at 7:50 AM (15 comments total)

Something I forgot to put in the last comment is that we do plan on reuniting. I will be flying out sometime this summer.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:59 AM on April 17, 2006

I didn't comment in your original AskMe thread but I'd been following it, and I'm glad you posted a follow-up to what must have been a very, very difficult situation for you. In your follow-up you sound much calmer than in your question and subsequent comments in the thread, and if that reflects how you feel now about your father, even just slightly, you must have made the right decision. I really hope your reunion this summer works out.
posted by misozaki at 8:04 AM on April 17, 2006

I'm so glad it went well, Kevin. Thanks for the follow-up.
posted by amro at 8:14 AM on April 17, 2006

Sounds like this has brought you some peace. Glad to hear it. Thanks for letting us know how it went.
posted by cmyk at 8:17 AM on April 17, 2006

Cool, dude.
posted by scarabic at 8:22 AM on April 17, 2006

Thanks for this. I agree, it sounds like you did the right thing.
posted by languagehat at 8:33 AM on April 17, 2006

I cannot emphasize enough how I really appreciate the advice. I could easily turn this into a GYOBFW thing but I just want to point out how meaningful it was for me, to use the advice given in that thread in conjunction with the advice given by my real-life friends (not that none of you aren't real-life but you get my drift). Too often, AskMe gets rapped for being a therapy substitute but this is one area that it really shined. Just my humble opinion.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 8:33 AM on April 17, 2006

the thought "I do have a dad" just sort of popped into my head.

Interesting and makes me appreciate my father despite his flaws. I'm glad things seem good so far and good luck with the "meetup". Have you talked to your brother about it?

Thanks for posting this to MeTa. I would have missed it.
posted by If I Had An Anus at 8:34 AM on April 17, 2006

What IIHAA said.
That took a lot of guts, my hat is off to you.
Thank you for sharing it.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:28 AM on April 17, 2006

Thank you for sharing with us.
posted by keijo at 9:49 AM on April 17, 2006

Yeah, thanks. That was very moving.
posted by CunningLinguist at 10:39 AM on April 17, 2006

Very moving, Kevin. I found myself being able to relate, in a distant and abstract way, having been adopted at birth. Many times I've thought about getting in touch with my birthparents, wondering if it's such a good idea or something I should just leave well enough alone.
posted by antifreez_ at 1:20 PM on April 17, 2006

antifreez_, I too wondered the same thing. I had a voice telling me to let sleeping dogs lie but then I wondered how much of that was my own fear. Now in your situation, there are some other dynamics at play and I know of certain cases where natural parents have no desire to be in contact with their children. I do however, think those cases are much rarer than the ones that do want to have contact with the children they gave up. I won't pretend to even know how to tell you to approach that situation but I do believe there's been much discussion about it, here on AskMe. I wish you well.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 1:59 PM on April 17, 2006

I am glad it went well.
posted by ikkyu2 at 3:29 PM on April 17, 2006

I hope this works out for you, Kevin. My father left us when I was about 5, so I can kind of relate to the see-saw between the desire to meet the man who provided me with at last some of the qualities that make me what I am and the desire to have nothing to do with a scumbag that would do that to his family.

I think you made the right decision, if only because knowing what happened is always better than wondering what might have been.
posted by dg at 9:10 PM on April 17, 2006